Psychology of breakups: do men return, when and why does this happen?

Parting is always difficult for any loving female soul. And if a woman loves, she begins to wonder: “Do men come back after breaking up?”, “How long to wait, how long does it take for a man to return after breaking up?” etc. Everything, of course, depends on what your relationship was like (you are husband and wife, just lovers, etc.), how close you are, whether you separated out of stupidity and still love each other or whether the love has passed, etc. In any case In this case, it is important for a woman to know when and in what cases her loved one returns. A man is not a mysterious alien creature. He, just like a woman, worries, suffers, and gets bored. Therefore, there are certain signs that indicate whether a young man will return or not, and whether he is ready to continue your relationship. Psychology also knows the answers to the question “Why do ex-men come back after breaking up.”

Signs your ex wants to get back together

There are several basic clues that will make it clear that your lover wants to return. But one of the most important things that you need to keep in mind and answer honestly is how positive the relationship was. If you are sure that they were positive and you parted very stupidly, then most likely your loved one will return.

Below is a list of signs that will indicate that your ex-boyfriend still loves you and wants to get back together. So, 12 signs:

• after several months of silence, he wrote you one or two messages;
• you broke up because of the distance between you. Perhaps you had to move to another city or leave for certain reasons. But if you really have feelings, then distance will not be a problem and you will be able to reunite;
• his relatives called you and said that the faithful misses you;
• a handwritten letter of love came from him;
• your chosen one has not removed you from friends on social networks;
• the separation passed calmly, without quarrels and mutual insults;
• it is possible that the lover had too many problems, so he needed to focus on solving them. So, most likely, he will want to return;
• he is jealous of you, so he cannot allow you to date someone else;
• mutual acquaintances and friends tell you what he remembers about you;
• your ex-boyfriend is trying to meet you by any means;
• leaves statuses on social networks that confirm that he misses you;
• your beloved gets nervous and angry when he sees you next to another representative of the stronger sex.

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Psychology says

Why do men come back after a breakup? Everything is primitive. The main reason for all returns is insight. That is, the understanding that you cannot find a better passion. Perhaps the ex met someone else, perhaps he tried to build a relationship, but the other one turned out to be, roughly speaking, “not a fountain.” She has a difficult character or bad habits, or even worse - she is bad in bed. This is where it turns out that finding a worthy replacement is not so easy. No, of course, it’s easy to find; it’s not easy to have a long-term relationship. After all, for this you need to adapt, adapt, learn better, and so on. For a man, this is a whole heap of problems.

Let's see what else will trigger your ex's return to your arms?

If a guy is not married, he may find himself under pressure from relatives: how long will you be single? Desperate, he will take it and return to you. At least for a while. To leave him alone.

The reason will also be a fear of loneliness or banal ordinary needs: no one to walk with, go to the cinema, to parties, etc. At one point he realizes that he was never as comfortable with anyone as he was with you.

Also - inspiration, praise, laughter from his unfunny jokes and most importantly - sex. If you can somehow live without the first three, then you can’t live without the fourth. But the former lover doesn’t want to have sex with just anyone - after all, he’s not an animal! Therefore, he returns to an already proven girl.

It happens that the reason is mistaken love. That is, during separation, the partner idealizes the image of his girlfriend (this often happens) and supposedly falls in love again. And it happens that, after talking with others, a guy “knows everything in comparison” and thinks that he can’t find anything better than you.

And, of course, true love. This is the most pleasant reason for a woman. And he left, for example, because he got a little confused:

• In the heat of the moment he ran for the first short skirt (they tricked him, but he, the fool, fell for it!).
• I decided to return to my wife and become an example (which turned out to be boring).

Don't flatter yourself. It’s not uncommon for an ex, especially a married one, to use the word love to hide the main reason they came back: sex. Perhaps you're amazing in bed? Well, or so it seems to the dear one after long, insipid years of family life. Unlike other lovers or spouses, you:

• You are hungry for experiments.
• Charge with adrenaline.
• Think and act creatively.

USEFUL INFORMATION: How to register and how long it will take for a divorce through the registry office by mutual consent

The man also comes back because he seeks to get rid of moral pressure. If at home he is forced to report, listen and silently provide his brain for sawmill services, then with his beloved girlfriend it’s the opposite. And if you are one of those lovers who does not require meeting friends, going out together, getting married and having a child, then you are just a treasure for a married suitor. Don't be surprised that he doesn't want to break up forever.

Well, the last arguments on this issue:

You alone understood his pain. Maybe the guy has special personal problems that he confided only to you.

• Jealousy. God forbid someone else will possess your ex.
• Significance. He is pleased by the fact that you were waiting for his call. After all, they didn’t refuse.
• Avoiding problems (any).

This is interesting: The eternal problem of fathers and children - what you need to know

How to behave if your ex wants to come back?

If you still love this man and have been waiting for him to return, in this case you need to accept his apology and get back together. Talk to him about your breakup and the conclusions you have drawn from past failures so that the relationship becomes stronger and more harmonious.

But if you are sure that you no longer need to have any communication with him, then do not make contact and try not to meet him anywhere. Move on with your life. In addition, you need to know that your ex wants to get back into the relationship for a number of reasons, which include:

• he feels guilty towards you;
• wants to ask for forgiveness in order to remain friends;
• wants to give the relationship another chance;
• just wants to know how you live, without changing anything;
• he wants to know if he can manipulate you again;
• There are only failures in his life, he needs money, so he wants to make peace.

Sign #3 – He is abusing your common cause.

If the spouses were engaged in a common business before the divorce, then they are forced to continue meeting, this time on work issues. In business negotiations, your ex may abruptly change the subject and bring up past events.

Common children are also at risk. According to the law, the ex-wife has no right to prevent the children from communicating with their father, who uses them as puppets. Makes them persuade you to return, makes them part of your conspiracy, turns them against you.

Why does your ex want to come back?

Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:

1. He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
2. He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
3. Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.

1. A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
2. If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.

1. We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
2. Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
3. He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
4. Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.

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Does a love spell work?

Now let’s go back to the beginning of the article and find out: is it true that a love spell can help? It’s strange that many people believe in some kind of power from above, because most often mistresses don’t do this: they are already loved for their special qualities that are not present in their own wife. And the reasons for all the throwing are described above.

But sometimes a mistress turns to some kind of witch if she feels that the relationship with a man is becoming tense, and he has returned to the family. The sorceress will wave her hands, cast spells, throw the grass into the cauldron and say that everything is done.

How does this work? The mistress believes that the spells have worked, and calmly and indifferently waits - he, they say, will not get away from me. Her indifference and silence are reasons for the married man to be alarmed: what’s wrong with her? Why doesn’t she call and demand anything? Is she getting ready to get married? Or maybe call her and return her past romance?

That's the trick. But in reality, all the magic lies in a woman - she herself is an attractive force for a man with her troubles, whims, humility, passionate sex and other things. Don’t go to grandma here either.

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At the moment when the husband returns to the family from his mistress, qualified advice from a psychologist on how to behave as a woman-wife can become the saving grace for a falling apart marriage. After all, maintaining composure and choosing the best tactics of behavior when the heart is “bursting” with resentment and emotions are overwhelming is not an easy task.

Don't rush to accept your ex-boyfriend

In any case, the ex will make attempts to restore the relationship. They usually do this via SMS, calls or messages on social networks. If he calls or writes, try not to show your feelings, get offended or throw a tantrum. Since the decision was not easy for the beloved and it took him a lot of courage to contact you.

Therefore, be calm and try to communicate positively. Do not remember the past and mistakes of your loved one. You should have done this during the separation period. And if you rub his nose into his unsuccessful past again, you will only indicate to him that you do not believe in his sincere desire to make peace.

Symptoms

There are three main states of depression:

• Denial as a stress reaction to what is happening. Unwillingness to accept facts.
• Aggression as a result of the mind understanding that the relationship is doomed.
• Apathy as the most protracted period. This is a lack of desire for any activity that turns into depression over several months or years.

After parting, the energetic invisible connection only intensifies, thoughts arise about resuming communication despite its logical conclusion, and withdrawal begins. A person has a victim complex, a feeling of being the injured party, and an intention to restore justice arises. At the same time, an aggression complex appears, an inability to come to terms with what happened, and even a desire for revenge.

Why your ex will never come back

And although you want to believe that your ex-lover will someday return, this is not always the case. If he does something from the list, then most likely he will never return:

• the man stops any communication with you, does not call or write;
• blacklists on social networks;
• starts an affair with another woman;
• speaks poorly of you among friends and tells how you ruined his life;
• you parted hard, it’s likely that one of you cheated.

Intimacy

For some, sex is one of the components of a relationship, but for others, it is the most important component. And some men return to their former partners solely because they have not found another girl with whom it would be just as good in bed. If for some women a union built purely on sexual relations is unacceptable, then for others it is more than satisfactory. For some, an emotional connection is important, but for others, male libido and the ability to use it to their advantage are enough to be happy.

What does a woman need to do to get her ex back?

A young lady who has broken up with her lover and wants to return him should not provoke scandals. Psychologists recommend adhering to the following tips:

• do not write angry messages;
• do not pester your loved one with endless calls;
• do not push for pity;
• avoid discussing relationships during a chance meeting with your loved one;
• show that you are independent and positive;
• Organize a date yourself if your spouse does not offer it;
• think over your image, the main thing is that it is natural.

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Symptoms of a "broken heart"

The patient’s appearance is important: a sad facial expression, a minimum of emotions, a monotonous voice (without intonation), frequent changes in body position while sitting.

Many types of depression are often accompanied by gastrointestinal disorders, headaches, and body aches. The main symptoms of broken heart syndrome include:

• lack of joy (anhedonia);
• lack of energy (anergy);
• negative personal evaluation;
• guilt;
• thoughts of suicide;
• activity disorder;
• sleep disorders;
• appetite disorders;
• loss or gain of body weight.

Depression becomes apparent if at least four symptoms from this list are identified simultaneously, and they persist continuously for a week. If the severity of the disease is not great, symptoms may regress spontaneously within a few days.

Divorce is always associated with stress and emotional problems. In many cases, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychologist. Thanks to appropriate therapy, it is easier to start a new stage in life and strengthen your self-esteem. However, when the first signs of depression appear, you should not hesitate, but seek the help of a psychologist.

Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion

Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.

And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.

If a couple has children, then the man considers it normal to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes such appearances can cross boundaries when he expresses a desire to stay overnight or asks to borrow money. Some even consider themselves entitled to kick out their ex’s new boyfriend, citing the fact that he is the father. On a subconscious level, they try to protect their offspring from the influence of another man.

Sometimes gentlemen decide to return because he does not want to start a new relationship and pursue another woman. With the ex, everything is simple, he knows all the approaches to her. In addition, some spiritual closeness pushes men to write or call their ex-lover when difficult life situations occur.

Results

After parting with your beloved man, life does not end; you should not spend days thinking about how to get him back, how to understand his motives, whether he should wait for his return. Accept the breakup as it is, give time to get over the emotions, don’t hold back your tears. Regardless of the outcome, you need to be able to preserve yourself, the confidence that the future will definitely be wonderful. It is impossible to immediately realize that your loved one left because he was unworthy to be there; it takes time. So give it to yourself, go through the pain of denying the loss, get angry, analyze the past, cry again and be reborn in a new, free form. And if he asks you to return, first consider whether you need a rushing person, and, if so, forget everything that happened before, build a new, strong, happy union.

Share your stories in the comments. Let's discuss whether it is worth forgiving betrayal? Should you give a second chance to someone who abandoned one?

How does a man feel after a breakup?

For women who are used to taking decisive action, it is difficult to understand why men often return after a breakup. Male psychology has certain characteristics. The guys who initiated the breakup are relieved.

Tired of endless scandals and misunderstandings, a person wants to be left alone. If there were no good reasons for the separation, the man may soon feel devastated and regret what happened.

As a rule, a man’s pride does not allow him to express emotions openly, which does not have the best effect on his nervous system. To suppress his mental suffering, a person can do the following:

1. He goes on a drinking binge. Often, after a breakup, men begin to abuse alcohol. This behavior can have negative consequences. But most often, after some time, the man is forgotten and returns to his previous life.
2. Immerses himself in his work. Parting with your beloved can provoke an attack of workaholism. In such a situation, a man devotes all his time to work and tries to avoid any communication with the female sex. Thanks to this, he distracts and increases his self-esteem.
3. He is interested in extreme sports. He learns to fly a hang glider, conquers mountains or takes part in fights without rules. Thus, he tries to avoid depression by releasing adrenaline.
4. Frequently changes sexual partners. By changing his ladies every night like gloves, he asserts himself and emphasizes his own importance.
5. Starts a new romance. Most men are not ready for a new serious relationship immediately after a breakup. But the care of a new lover helps to survive the separation.

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Advice from psychologists

If it is not possible to visit a specialist, you can learn universal useful advice from eminent psychologists who will help you cope with emotions and not drown in apathy:

• There is no need to throw hysterics, showdowns and other “heart-to-heart conversations” while resentment is tearing up in your chest. It is necessary to learn to control emotions, at least in society and in communication with him. Give yourself time to cry alone, get angry, scream, throw out the pain. When you feel ready to talk, start trying to make contact.
• Analyze yourself. Just don't focus on appearance. If a man loves, he will like the extra weight and the tendency to wear the same jeans on all occasions. Look deeper in the mirror, evaluate your behavior, attitude towards yourself and towards him. Maybe you should improve your education, read books, study new things, find a hobby so as not to get hung up on one person.
• Do not try to hasten the return of your loved one. When experiencing a breakup, there are 5 standard stages, everyone goes through them, including their ex-partner. But the speed depends on the internal readiness to survive the breakup.
• Don't feel sorry for yourself, don't make others feel sorry for you. To be driven, downtrodden means to be lonely. Only strong, independent people attract and hold men. No one leaves those who know themselves and value their time and hobbies; on the contrary, they steal their attention.
• Do not agree to continue the sexual relationship only. It's not uncommon for exes to suggest rekindling feelings through occasional sex. But communication will not move forward from the dead point. He will drop by only for the sake of intimacy.
• When renewing a relationship, start with a clean slate. Do not carry over old quarrels into your newly built life. A frank conversation cannot be avoided, but all grievances must be left in it, and sincerely, so that they do not come up in subsequent quarrels.
• Don't talk about how you suffered. There is no need to tell how painful and lonely it was. There is no need to stroke his pride or destroy the constructed image. Stay proud of yourself for returning the love. Be real, but confident, self-sufficient.

What to do if your ex doesn't come back?

Breaking up with a loved one is not easy. But no matter what's going on between you right now, stay strong and stay positive. Whatever happens, move on with your life. You may even be grateful to him for leaving you.

Don't worry or wonder if your ex-boyfriend will come back. Better focus on your own life. Many women claim that as soon as they began to live their old lives, it was at that moment that the ex expressed a desire to return.

Now you need to focus on self-love. Don't blame yourself for your emotions, which may overwhelm you. Instead, listen to your heart. At the moment, the best idea would be to take some time for yourself, remember your hobbies, meet with friends and take care of yourself.

To get help and specific recommendations from a professional psychologist, watch this video right now. Click on the screen below:

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Drunk calls and messages

There is a good saying: “What a sober man has in his head, a drunk man has on his tongue.” Alcohol has the ability to intensify whatever is being felt at the moment. So if you're upset, drinking is not a good idea.

In this regard, how to understand that your ex misses you can be because he starts writing and calling while drunk. But there are 2 options:

1. He thinks about your relationship and misses you, but is still in a state of pendulum, that is, he doubts whether it is worth renewing the connection.
2. Hopes for a reunion, but doesn't know how to do it.