Ending a relationship that has no future: how to end a marriage and separate?

In this article we will tell you:

1. 7 main reasons why girls leave guys
2. 3 general tips for ending a relationship
3. 3 ways to dump a guy without hurting him
4. 5 ways to force a man to leave on his own
5. Breaking up a relationship via SMS
6. How to break up with a guy gracefully
7. Advice from psychologists on how to leave the guy you love
8. 10 common mistakes when leaving your partner

Sometimes a girl, willy-nilly, has to wonder how to leave a guy and do it as painlessly as possible for both. There can be many reasons for such a decision: from the hackneyed “they didn’t get along” to the no less banal “love has passed, the tomatoes have wilted.”

However, there are other situations related to the partner’s disposition or his habits. It even happens that a girl, deep down in her soul, continues to love her chosen one, but is clearly aware of the need to break off the relationship, since she simply does not see a future together.

But whatever the reason, it is not enough to decide to break up. It still needs to be implemented somehow, preferably as correctly as possible. We will describe several possible models of behavior, but which one to use is up to you to choose.

Breaking up a relationship via SMS

Is it acceptable to announce a breakup online? Some time ago this was considered bad manners, but today more and more girls are resorting to just this technical method. Indeed, it is much easier and safer than meeting in person. You can use any messenger to send a message. The main thing is that the recipient understands everything and does not try to get you back.

Using gadgets helps avoid unwanted personal contacts. The message must be clearly formulated without vague or ambiguous words and sentences.

There must be an end to the relationship - so do it. In writing, this will be even easier, because while you are writing, you will not be disturbed, rushed, or tried to interrupt you mid-sentence. Everything can be described in detail. You must understand that such a message is a heavy blow to a guy’s self-esteem, which is difficult to understand, accept and fully believe.

Do not send long messages to your ex-boyfriend, since listing all the reasons for your decision can only confuse and cause the correspondence to drag out. And, in general, your long-winded letter may be misinterpreted. A few short phrases are enough to describe the main reason for the separation and your desire to end the relationship. No “if”, “maybe”, “probably” or similar words that give hope. If you do everything correctly, then you won’t have to answer unnecessary calls and SMS addressed to you.

If, nevertheless, the guy does not understand what has come over you, and is trying to find out with the help of return SMS what is the reason for the breakup, then try to stop these attempts. Repeat again clearly and specifically that you will not see each other again and he will have to come to terms with it. Don't answer his endless messages and calls; you can even turn off your phone for a while. It’s okay, he’ll soon come to his senses and calm down.

This behavior may seem too harsh and wrong, but sometimes this is the only option to part with “little bloodshed.” If your decision is final, then there is no point in long explanations and negotiations. Returning again and again to the same thing, you will only worry. Is this what you want? The young man needs a little time to come to terms with the situation and let you go.

The main mistakes of people who separate

When breaking up and after it, the main thing is to avoid mistakes in your relationship with your former chosen one. You don't need to do the following things :

1. Try to contact him and remind him of yourself in personal meetings or social networks, emphasizing the uniqueness, significance and “value” that the other party has lost.
2. Look for a person to take revenge on him, or succumb to pity, and cultivate a feeling of guilt in yourself for the decision to leave.
3. Respond to provocations when the other partner makes attempts to make peace. It is advisable to learn to let all your ex’s comments fall on deaf ears, without reacting, and especially without swallowing someone else’s negativity like a boa constrictor, leaving it inside yourself.
4. Give the scandalous person a feeling of pleasure from the development of the conflict situation.
5. Get into asceticism, start feeling sorry for yourself, drink alcohol, or indulge in all sorts of bad things. Moderation in behavior and balanced decisions will help you get back to normal very quickly, without dwelling on past grievances.
6. Trying to influence your ex with the help of your friends, showing suffering on social networks.
7. Demand the return of gifts.
8. Specifically seek communication.
9. Talk about your feelings related to the breakup, or impose your love.
10. Say negative things about yourself.

Directly opposite actions, the opposite of those listed, lead to the main mistakes in behavior with your ex-other half. Even if your partner left someone else for a new love, it means that this was not your person. Therefore, you should not constantly think about it while doing soul-searching.

Of course, there are cases when former close people remain friends for life, but such wisdom comes over the years, and is found only in a small percentage of sensible people, with developed self-awareness, engaged in self-development.

How to break up with a guy gracefully

First of all, let's define what the phrase “leave gracefully” means. We hope you understand that in reality such a separation does not look like a scene from a TV series, when young people are sitting in a cafe, the heroine stands up sharply after her words, takes out money to pay for dinner and throws it on the table in front of her former lover, and then leaves in the open convertible with a new boyfriend. The guy sobs and rushes after you to find out who took you and where.

In fact, we are talking about something completely different. If young people have been dating for quite a long time and have experienced many wonderful moments together, then they need to separate, respecting the feelings of the partner. Below are some examples of how to make care less painful:

• explain your distance by being overwhelmed with work at work or increased workload at the university;
• inform the guy about your decision to leave in the form of a poem;
• end the relationship during a joint trip or vacation, which will be the last wonderful chord of the old relationship.

To leave a guy gracefully, you need to give up falsehood and lies. Simple sincere words will help soften the separation, while false ones will only offend and cause irritation and a desire for revenge.

No. 2. Think through all the arguments

Prepare in advance for possible turns in the conversation. A man will partly unconsciously try to manipulate you and put pressure on the pain points he knows. Don’t hesitate to think of sincere and convincing answers; it’s better than if they start coming to your mind after the conversation has taken place. If necessary, seek advice from a professional psychologist or even a lawyer.

Your opponent's emotions can lead you astray. Try to write down briefly what exactly you wanted to say, then you will have a chance to end an unpleasant conversation on the first and last try.

Advice from psychologists on how to leave the guy you love

What reasons could there be for deciding to break up with a person for whom you have strong feelings? Psychologists call two main situations. Firstly, the girl is preparing to leave for another city or abroad for a long time or even forever, so she considers such a relationship unpromising. Secondly, the reason may be the betrayal of one of the partners, which has become an obstacle to the continuation of the love affair.

The main thing is not to take hasty actions based on emotions, but to think everything through carefully. Answer yourself whether this person is dear to you and whether you are ready to never see him again. What do you really want?

Having carefully considered the reasons, you can either decide to break up (most likely, such a decision is made after the obvious betrayal of your loved one), or you will change your mind about leaving your lover, since the reason does not seem very valid to you. After all, distances even strengthen relationships, and if desired, they can be overcome. And forget about the intrigue on the side, especially if your partner is devoted to you with all his soul, and you love him too.

If the decision to separate from your loved one is finally made, it is important to understand that bringing it to life will be quite problematic. This will require serious moral preparation, plus you need to think about the words that you will say to a man.

It is better to write down the text of your speech and memorize it so as not to get confused. Warn your partner that you have something important to say for both of you, so he should listen patiently and not confuse your thoughts. Be prepared for the fact that he will still start inserting his own phrases, not allowing you to finish speaking. Don't start a dialogue, but ask him to be patient. You may need all your restraint to explain your position and decision. The final verdict must be made at the end of the speech, because your words about the breakup can plunge your boyfriend into a state of shock. And everything you say later will fall on deaf ears.

If possible, be brief, stick to a clear line in your speech, and do not go into arguments. Surely your interlocutor will quickly figure out what you want to communicate, but will listen only hoping that he is mistaken.

After this meeting, you need to exclude all contacts with your ex-partner. After all, despite your categorical statement about breaking up the relationship, you will still worry about hurting a loved one. There will be a struggle of different opinions in your soul, you may want to look at him again and talk. But you don't need to do this. If you need to return something to a guy from his things, then ask a friend or loved one. Any repeat meeting of yours can stir up feelings. And if he manages to persuade you, then nothing good will come of it, but will only lead to a delay in the process and unnecessary suffering.

However, there are situations when resumption of communication is possible. But to do this, the person responsible for the breakup will have to prove that he realized his mistakes. The girl must see love in the guy’s eyes and a sincere desire to return her, and she herself must feel the impossibility of separation.

Married partner

The man chose you for entertainment and has no intention of leaving his wife. He can explain this in different ways, citing the terminal illness of his wife, the presence of small children, debt and family responsibilities - all this is not important. The important thing is that a woman destroys herself and does not even give herself a chance to start a new relationship, have a family and children.

Believe me, if a man really loves you, nothing and no one will keep him near his unloved one.

It also happens the other way around - a married woman wants to break up with her lover. Here you still need to determine why you choose not to separate from your husband, because no one has canceled divorces.

Restriction of freedom

In a healthy relationship, a man does not limit a woman’s personal freedom. When a relationship is toxic, the partner dictates the lady’s lifestyle and behavior. For example:

• when and with whom she can meet;
• which hobby suits her and which doesn’t;
• how she should perceive this or that event, react to the situation.

Every person has the right to their own views and freedom of movement. If a partner is not just interested in a woman’s plans, but sets ultimatums, you should seriously think about breaking up.

A well-known psychologist in the field of relationships, Yaroslav Samoilov, suggests that you need to make sure of your intention to break up, to understand that you no longer want to be with this man. If a woman realizes that she cannot be happy with her partner, she needs to calmly explain herself and leave the dependent union.

Assault, cruelty, humiliation

Psychologist Lundy Bancroft in his book Why Does He Do This? Who is an abuser and how to resist him” explains that a cruel man, by displaying aggression, distracts a woman’s attention from his real actions and the true reasons for his anger. He finds a reason to take out his accumulated evil on her.

The aggressor forces a woman to think like a victim. He subconsciously directs all his actions so that she does not notice the abnormal logic of his behavior and does not think about the distortion of his consciousness. This is an unhealthy relationship.

The blame for violence always lies with the aggressor, not with the victim. He makes a decision about psychological or physical violence. The aggressor himself believes that his partner is to blame, and he bears his cross with honor, living with such an incompetence.

The psychologist recommends immediately talking about what you don’t like. If a man changes after making complaints, the relationship can be saved. But when he continues to adhere to an aggressive line of behavior, you need to break up.

Indifference

When in a couple one or both partners cease to be interested in each other's lives, it is worth considering ending the relationship. Mark Barton explains that if a partner is not interested in the victories, achievements or defeats that his partner has experienced, this is a sign of the “death” of the relationship.

If a woman considers herself unhappy in a relationship, it is necessary to understand the reasons for dissatisfaction. Listen to the recommendations of experts. They will help you understand when you need to get rid of an outdated union and build a happy life with another person.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/1712999-prichiny-brosit-parnya-pochemu-nuzhno-uyti-ot-lyubimogo/

Emotional pressure

It is difficult for any person to withstand emotional pressure. When this happens constantly, life becomes a challenge. If a partner psychologically suppresses a woman, manipulates, blackmails, forces her to adjust to her own mood, you need to end the relationship.

Coach, psychologist, family consultant Mark Barton notes that when a woman constantly experiences emotional dissatisfaction with her partner, she begins to feel increasing anxiety. If before meeting him there is a feeling of fear, panic, and your mood worsens, there is no point in continuing the relationship.

The predominance of negativity over pleasure

In a healthy relationship, partners enjoy being with each other. When negative emotions predominate in a woman’s life, relationships become neurotic and cannot develop harmoniously.

Mikhail Labkovsky writes that in such a couple both partners feel bad, they suffer and become unhappy. Living in constant stress causes psychosomatic diseases. Therefore, if a partner does not respond to his partner’s displeasure and does not strive to improve the relationship, it is necessary to end it.

Parasitism

Parasitizing a partner is another good reason for breaking up a relationship. In such relationships, a woman works day and night: creating coziness, providing comfort. The partner does not show concern for the material well-being of the couple/family, does not help around the house and isolates himself from any responsibilities.

Try to talk. If a man continues to parasitize, ask yourself what forces you:

• support a partner;
• create comfort;
• tolerate his complete indifference;
• spend money on its maintenance.

The constant showdown of relationships, which provokes unscrupulous parasitism of a partner, causes depression, despair and a feeling of a dead end in life.

No. 3. Be cool and reasonable

Your honesty will help a man get through a difficult conversation with the least impact on his own dignity. You should not make someone guilty and remember grievances. All these complaints will change absolutely nothing, except in the end they will thoroughly fray the nerves of both of you.

Answer questions calmly and thoroughly. This is exactly the approach that famous psychologists advise. Explain, without unnecessary emotion, the reason for your action and carefully hint that you are also sorry that everything turned out this way.

Avoid touching and remember that it is normal to feel sadness and regret when breaking up. Finish what you start, don’t expect someone else to do it for you.

The primacy of his desires

When a partner always gives in to the interests and desires of her partner, and her internal needs are not taken into account, the relationship becomes toxic.

The famous psychologist and writer Mikhail Labkovsky in his book “I Want and Will” writes that a couple has a future if the man fulfills the woman’s wishes not because he hopes to get something in return, but because he wants to give her pleasure. If he is guided solely by his own desires and puts them first, then he does not respect the woman as a person.

Is it worth breaking off the relationship in this case? The famous psychologist Adriana Imzh explains that before deciding to end a relationship, a woman needs to honestly answer a number of questions. Here are some of them:

1. How long has the situation been going on and how long can it continue?
2. What will happen to me when I leave this relationship (lose my job, go hungry, lose the meaning of life)?
3. What is the value of this relationship and my suffering?

They will help a woman understand whether she needs such a relationship or whether it is better to end it.

Silent.

The other extreme of aggression is silence. This is not maintaining neutrality and a desire not to create conflict. While your partner is emotional because he is unhappy, this will cause even more irritation. We must not remain silent, but discuss the problem. You can play the silent game when everything has already been said, the conversation goes in circles, nothing new is said. To think and make a decision, you can stop the argument and retire. But silence at the very beginning of a dispute worsens the problem, when one expresses his dissatisfaction, and the other does not voice his opinion. Lack of information on the topic of a quarrel is the path to incorrect conclusions and decisions.

Breaking up is easy, but maintaining a relationship is very difficult. People are proud of the fact that they break up successfully and do not even worry about the breakup of the union. But this is impossible to be proud of, since it is about the inability of people to live with others and solve problems together.