According to psychologists, it only takes 8 seconds to fall in love with a girl at first sight. But not a single specialist can answer the question of how long it takes to stop loving her.
One way or another, not all love stories are like a fairy tale with a happy ending. We leave someone, and someone leaves us. But what should you do if the relationship is over, but your feelings remain? How to forget the one that is firmly lodged not only in your thoughts, but also in your heart? The task is not easy. But our tips on how to survive a breakup and not go crazy will help you cope with it.
Out of sight, out of mind1
The first thing to do after a breakup is to exclude from your life any reminder of your now former passion. Photos, correspondence, cute gifts and postcards. All this will now act on you like a red rag on a bull. Don't forget to delete her number from your phone book. Of course, there is a huge chance that you know your once favorite numbers by heart. In this case, you still have to show character and willpower so as not to break down. But you’ve already decided everything, haven’t you?
Strategy for a proper breakup
For every person, a breakup is a rather difficult life situation that requires a careful analysis of the causes and consequences.
It often happens that a couple breaks up rashly, in a fit of strong emotional emotions, and then, having cooled down, regrets it. And if they come together again, then the residue from the separation remains in the mind and haunts the future. Therefore, this issue must be approached with all seriousness. The reasons for deciding to end a relationship can be very different: betrayal of one of the partners, cooled feelings, different characters, life positions and interests, long separation and much more. In most cases, it makes no sense to continue a broken relationship, delay the breakup and simply waste precious time. Therefore, if thoughts about the end of the union with your partner do not leave you, you should think about how to properly and beautifully break up with a girl, without offending her. For most people, this is a very sensitive issue that requires a special approach that not everyone can find. Especially in such circumstances, a strong half of humanity is lost. Therefore, let’s turn to professional recommendations from psychologists on how to leave a girl so as not to offend her.
Keep busy2
And they are so busy that they have no energy left for anything. And even more so for a melancholic mood with sad melodies. Have you long dreamed of mastering a new profession? Great! Now is the time. Or maybe a new gym has opened near your home? Well, a great reason to get your body in order. Have you ever gotten around to renovating your apartment? Guess what you will do next. It doesn’t matter at all what you do - it will still only benefit you. In addition, it has long been proven that during physical work a huge amount of endorphins is released. And they can significantly reduce your heartache from breaking up.
Are you confident in your decision?
Before preparing for a farewell conversation and developing a strategy for behavior, make sure that this is not just a quarrel, but really the end of the relationship. According to research by scientists at the University of Kansas, 65% of couples resume relationships after a breakup for 9 reasons:
- They didn’t understand why they broke up.
If there is no global reason for the breakup (betrayal, betrayal, insults, etc.), perhaps it is worth taking a break in the relationship rather than putting an end to it.
- Don't stop interacting
. If a young man and a girl continue to meet at work or in the company of mutual friends, scientists believe that the probability of renewing the relationship is 98%, since they produce oxytocin (the hormone of happiness) near each other.
- Communication improved after the breakup.
If a couple begins to communicate again after a while, the guy and girl may notice that the tension that was in the relationship has gone away and they are at ease with each other. This could be a reason to get back together.
- The hope that the partner has improved can encourage a new attempt to renew the relationship.
- They cannot allow time to be wasted. If a couple has been dating for several years, young people may decide that this was too much investment in the relationship. In this case, it is easier to return to the past than to start a new one from scratch.
- Problems in your intimate life that arise with a new partner make you think that the previous relationship was better and it’s worth returning to it.
- Unpreparedness for change. Many people do not want global changes in their lives and believe that their ex-partner is already a dear person from whom it is clear what to expect, whereas with a new partner they need to learn everything all over again.
- Lack of final conversation. If a couple has not put an end to the relationship, but simply stopped communicating, in 95% of cases it starts again after a while.
- Reluctance to be alone. Many people are in relationships only because they don't want to be alone. Therefore, the absence of a new partner can be an impetus for the return of the ex.
Thus, scientists believe that the likelihood of renewing a relationship is quite high, so you should think carefully before breaking it off. And if you are confident in your decision, try to put an end to it as delicately as possible in order to protect the feelings of your ex-lover.
Get out of your comfort zone3
There was no happy ending. Well, that happens too. And no matter how painful and unpleasant it is, life goes on. What if you take it and radically change it? Yes, yes, right now. After all, only by starting something new will you get a different result. Feel free to cross out old habits, traditions and even phrases from your usual life that in one way or another still remind you of your ex. Dramatic changes will make you shake yourself up and help displace all the accumulated negative emotions. Scary? Well, that’s great, this way you’ll be able to replace the source of suffering with a powerful surge of adrenaline.
How to break up with a girl who loves you very much?
You have been together for some time, but for various reasons your feelings may have cooled, and you do not see the point in continuing a relationship that is burdensome. At the same time, your companion sincerely treats you with trepidation. You can consider several possible options on how to beautifully leave the girl who loves you:
- Give her the opportunity to leave you herself. To do this, you will have to show all your worst sides, so that her vanity and pride will leap, and she will understand that you are not worthy of her. But keep in mind that this option will take time. Start annoying your ex-lover with your behavior and actions. For example, be rude in your words, point out her flaws in her appearance or figure. Start constantly criticizing her cooking. Make unflattering comments about her parents. Get drunk to the point of obscenity. In the circle of her friends, make stupid jokes and behave like a disgusting type (swear, pick your nose, scratch your butt, etc.). Stop spending money on her, while still buying something for yourself. Ignore when she tells you something, show inattention to her words, requests and problems. Always find more important things to do than spend time with your partner. Don't answer calls or messages from her. Give compliments to other young ladies in her presence. In general, do everything to push her away from you. So that your companion herself comes to the conclusion that she does not want to continue her relationship with such a terrible, unbearable type.
- There are times when you can turn to a friend for help and ask him to flirt with your girlfriend. He will have to spend a lot of time with her, show tenderness and care, and give compliments. And at this time you can demonstrate your not the best qualities in order to cause her dissatisfaction with you. When the young lady turns her attention to a new admirer, she will partially be distracted from you. Of course, you shouldn’t hope that she will immediately stop loving you and become inflamed with feelings for another young man, but in any case, she will feel needed by someone else. And, perhaps, she herself will offer to break up.
- Let's consider the option of how to leave a girl without offending her or denigrating yourself in the eyes of others. You shouldn’t put off the conversation, because most likely your companion has begun to notice changes in your behavior lately, which means she’s constantly thinking about it, getting nervous and worried. Therefore, by postponing an important conversation, you will only further undermine its emotional and volitional sphere. Arrange a meeting with your chosen one in some uncrowded place with which you do not have events and memories of your life together. Tell her sincerely about your feelings and your decision. At the same time, convince her that she is a very good and wonderful girl, worthy of happiness and mutual love with common interests and preferences. But don’t get carried away with compliments, otherwise you’ll convince yourself of the breakup or you’ll want farewell sex, and this should under no circumstances be done. Show your partner respect and don’t blame her for the fact that you stopped loving her, because it’s her own fault. Be prepared that the girl will ask you to give her another chance, promise to change and become perfect, beg you to stay. If she starts to cry, hug her and have pity. But not for long that she didn’t have the feeling that everything could be returned. Listen carefully to your ex-lover’s position and answer all questions honestly. Promise that if she needs anything, you will come to the rescue and help out. The main thing is to make it clear that there can be no return to the previous relationship, so that she does not harbor unrealistic hopes. Do not offer to remain friends, as it will be unbearably painful for her to watch your new relationship as a friend. A lot of time must pass for her feelings to subside and for her to perceive you adequately.
- If your chosen one begins to blackmail with suicide or revenge, and you know that she really has all the prerequisites for this, then you may have to jointly undergo a course of psychotherapy with professionals in this particular profile. You need to try as much as possible to avoid your partner’s depression, otherwise it will remain on your conscience.
Look for inspiration4
Try to think of a favorite hobby that previously brought you pleasure. Surely, being in a relationship, you completely abandoned him. Now is the time to correct the situation. Now you can even fuss around in the garage until the morning, improving your “swallow” and without fear that someone will make complaints about this.
What not to do
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If you're worried about how a girl will take a breakup, don't:
- Blame.
Most likely, she will be overcome by emotions, and she will begin to express grievances and complaints. You shouldn’t answer them, stay calm, and even better, tell her how good it was for you to be with her. But there is no need to overdo it with memories, otherwise separation will become problematic.
- Scandal
. Maintain composure and composure in response to accusations, yelling and crying. It is better to hug her and say kind words than to start a retaliatory argument that will offend her even more.
- Silently disappear.
It’s cruel to leave a girl guessing what happened and why everything ended unexpectedly, if yesterday everything was fine. Therefore, have the courage to explain yourself and part on good terms, even if you no longer feel anything for her.
- Break up over the phone.
It’s easier to say everything over the phone, and if the scandal takes on serious proportions, just hang up. But if you really loved a girl, she deserves a meeting and a detailed explanation of your decision.
Meet and flirt8
Now that you have become free from all obligations, you can completely afford it. No, we are not talking about breaking off one (long-term or not so long-term) relationship and immediately starting to build new ones. However, light flirting and non-binding advances have not been canceled. This practice will help you cheer up and distract you from sad thoughts about your ex. Meet people, chat, go on a date. As a last resort, you can finally pinch that stunning beauty from the next office.
Psychological preparation for breaking up a relationship
Putting an end to a relationship, especially a long one, is always difficult. It’s normal to have doubts and the discomfort of having to stop everything. Psychological preparation consists of several stages :
- Decide with 100% certainty that the relationship should be over. It is important to understand that this feeling is not momentary anger due to the conflict that has arisen. Perhaps some things need to be clarified and resolved in the relationship so that everything becomes good. It is better for the psychological state of the man himself when he does not delay changes. If you think for a long time about whether it is worth being together, the stressful state drags on, so it becomes impossible to take decisive actions correctly.
- State the reasons. If they are obvious, for example, a girl’s betrayal or new sympathy for another, then it’s worth finding the right words - those that are least traumatic.
- Imagine the girl’s reaction to a breakup initiated by a man and prepare for it. If she is also ripe for ending the relationship, then there is a good chance of maintaining the friendship. If your companion is prone to a violent reaction, you should prepare for hysterics. The solution to the issue may be to leave for several days to limit the possibility of contact. The trip must be planned in advance. A change of environment is useful in such cases for both.
Take care of your career9
And no matter how strange it may sound, now is the most suitable case! Don’t refuse additional assignments from your superiors, master new technologies, agree to all kinds of business trips - in a word, develop. Immersing yourself headlong in work, you simply won’t have time and energy left for emotional worries. Focus as much as possible on the work process, instead of suffering for days on end. Moreover, after a short period of time you yourself will be convinced of the correctness of your decision. Just learn to control your thoughts and prioritize correctly.
If a girl is too annoying
If the girl does not want to accept your decision and does not want to let you go, you will have to resort to drastic measures. You need to make sure that she herself loses the desire to see you next to her, because you won’t be able to influence her in any other way.
Photo: manofmany.com/l
To do this you can:
- behave defiantly - remember what habits irritate her and apply them, for example, you can throw socks around, slurp loudly, etc.;
- stop taking care of yourself - unwashed, overgrown hair, an unkempt beard will make the girl reconsider her attitude towards you;
- become too intrusive - if she goes to her parents, follow her, went shopping - keep company, invited her friends home - sit with them, not allowing them to talk calmly;
- visit her at work and behave in such a way that your colleagues sincerely wonder why she needs you;
- sit on her neck - take unpaid leave and live at her expense, significantly increasing your expenses.
Such methods may seem radical, but they will definitely help get rid of an overly annoying passion that does not want to end the relationship.
