An insensitive person. the problem of a person’s insensitive attitude towards others: the reasons for its occurrence

We live in the world of people, communicate, interact and improve. Family, school, college, work... Everything that surrounds a child from infancy influences him, shapes and nurtures his personality, and prepares him for life in society. Being by nature a simple biological species, man develops as a social individual. It's no secret that people's behavior is similar. They think, speak, perform some actions. At the same time, we are all different, we only have our own subjective traits. Individuality affects a person’s ability to act and his attitude towards people around him.

Make strong connections with other people

There is power in numbers.
It's easier to build a wall around yourself than to reach out and create deep relationships with other people. Earning and maintaining people's trust is no easy feat. It may sound strange, but showing vulnerability in front of others is actually an important part of being tough. Show your family, friends and colleagues that you deserve their trust and love

Answer emails and calls quickly and be there for people when you need it. Take on a leadership role in your community. You can dedicate your time to helping others, coaching a small team - say, at work or at the recreational level. Place a bet in your community!

Why can a guy lose interest in a girl?

The first six months of a relationship almost always fly by unnoticed and beautifully; he wants to carry you in his arms, talk to you from morning to evening, please and surprise. At the end of the candy-bouquet period, everything can change dramatically: a man often becomes cold in communicating with his soul mate. One of the reasons for this behavior is that the guy stopped loving the girl. Our other article will help you understand this or that. In it you can find the main signs of the disappearance of feelings.

The attitude of a young man (hereinafter referred to as MCH) can change even after he understands that you have a lot of shortcomings. Any little things can irritate him: the fact that you speak quickly, smoke, laugh strangely, bother you with your calls, raise your voice, etc. There may also be complaints about your appearance: according to his ideas, it turns out that you are not at all the slender person you used to be were considered, and your breasts are no longer large, and your hips are too wide, and it’s time to get rid of cellulite...

be rude to him;
not listening or hearing your partner;
act like a man in a skirt;
do not consult him;
do not show how significant it is or go too far with it;
restrict his freedom;
be constantly jealous;
stop paying attention to your appearance.

You should also not forget about the importance of intimate relationships, if you have them. Maybe the guy is bored with the monotony, or he's tired of waiting, or he's no longer attracted to you sexually.

It is also likely that the guy could cool down if the girl simply became too attached to him

Men feel this, and such an attitude can only frighten and bore them. In this case, try to relax and pay more attention to yourself

It is also likely that the guy could cool down if the girl simply became too attached to him. Men feel this, and such an attitude can only frighten and bore them. In this case, try to relax and pay more attention to yourself.

Reasons for insensitive people

The origins of indifference and devaluation of feelings begin in childhood. Parents have a direct role in nurturing a child’s insensitive attitude towards others. Since adults are often busy making money, they don’t waste their time communicating with their offspring. This is their main mistake. Adults raise a child without empathy and without participating in his life. Growing up, the child thinks coldly and sensibly. He cannot show feelings. Having not received love and cordiality, the child becomes an egoist, ignoring the problems of others, not trying to communicate with them.

Over time, an insensitive person replaces his feelings with prudence and rationality. Certain prerequisites and circumstances often lead him to this in life. The exact reasons for this behavior are not yet fully understood. One thing is clear: such behavior is a reaction to the surrounding reality. In order not to experience disappointment, suffering and to remain calm, a person at a certain moment begins to behave differently. She realizes that it is often the insensitive person who wins, so over time she becomes increasingly indifferent and does not attend various experiences. This is how a once emotional personality transforms into a reserved and cold one.

By withdrawing from participation in the lives of others, an insensitive person loses the ability to empathize. This is where insensitivity towards other people arises. Such a person puts forward the following justification arguments: it is better to live separately, work hard, not paying attention to others, think about yourself and your own benefits. According to such a person, such behavior greatly simplifies life and leaves no room for feelings and thoughts. Insensitivity will never allow you to experience emotions or make you shed a tear.

In society, it is believed that there is nothing worse than indifference, although people’s insensitivity is encountered at every step - on the street, in the subway, in a team, in the family. Insensitivity is characteristic not only of cruel and selfish people, but also of those who have responded with evil to their responsiveness and participation. Such people, not wanting to receive mental pain, turn a blind eye to cruelty and pass by.

An insensitive person does not see the need to be friends, because often he has nothing to talk about with friends. He doesn't need annoying comrades dictating their own rules. Such individuals exclude close contacts. Communication with other people is possible, but they see no point in getting closer.

An insensitive individual does not feel the need for love. If feelings in the past did not bring joy, then he refuses them in the future. He is afraid of this feeling, because love forces him to open up and show his weakness. For a self-sufficient person, this is a direct road to losing oneself.

An insensitive person does not understand the experiences of others; she lacks intuition and imagination. The presence of infantility leads to pragmatism, a false idea of life and conflicts with others.

According to psychologists, an insensitive person has difficulties in determining the personal feelings of other people, problems in distinguishing between emotions and bodily sensations; lack of ability to fantasize. Concentration of attention occurs on external events. Such a person knows how to reason sensibly, while experiencing a lack of emotional manifestations. Often the reason for this is the lack of attention, affection, care, and warmth in childhood. Most insensitive people are adults who have not been pampered or loved. Parents taught their children to hide their feelings, try to be confident and strong. And as a result, a person grew up who did not know how to love, compassion and feel.

If you are having a conversation with an insensitive person and in the dialogue he goes into a small tirade because of the personal shortcomings of his interlocutor, then this conversation will leave the interlocutor with an unpleasant feeling of attack and that something is wrong with him. Even if you usually have self-confidence when communicating with people, then after communicating with an insensitive person you realize that he is rude. If you tell him what exactly you don’t like in his communication, you can hear in response that he spoke frankness and the pure truth.

Emotional states of adolescents

Children from the age of 13-14 develop a special trait. It is characterized by the intensity and severity of emotional states. A teenager can literally wallow in his own grief, guilt or anger for a long time. Children of this age have an increased need for sensations. Moreover, all experienced feelings should be not only strong, but also new. Often this is expressed in a love of loud music or leads to the first acquaintance with drugs.

This or that emotional state of adolescents is characterized by ease of occurrence. However, in the process of personality formation, its connections with the outside world become more complex and multi-valued. With the ever-increasing level of human organization, his emotional sensitivity increases. And the circle of those factors that caused a feeling of excitement in a teenager does not narrow with age, but, on the contrary, expands.

Characteristics of an insensitive person

Insensitive people find it difficult to understand personal emotions and learn to express them. Therefore, they do not understand the experiences of others. Insensitive people lack imagination and intuition. And the presence of infantility leads to pragmatism, a false idea of life and conflicts with others. Psychologists characterize an insensitive person as follows. In their opinion, it is characterized by:

Difficulty identifying or describing other people's personal feelings.
Problems in distinguishing between emotions and bodily sensations.
Lack of ability to fantasize.
Concentration of attention mainly on external events (to the detriment of internal ones).
The ability to reason sensibly in the face of a deficit of emotional manifestations.

Often the reason for this is the lack of affection, care, attention and warmth in childhood. Statistics show that most insensitive people are adults who were not loved or pampered. Sometimes parents teach children to hide their feelings, to try to be strong and confident. And as a result, a person grows up who does not know how to love, feel and compassion.

Excitable type.

These people are unsociable, their actions and reactions are slow, but they can be quick-tempered and irritable. They often provoke conflicts and can be rude and rude. Positive traits include neatness, love for small children, as well as reliability and conscientiousness. This type is characterized by insufficient controllability, weakened control over drives and impulses, and increased impulsiveness. This type is characterized by instinctiveness, anger, intolerance, and a tendency to conflict. There is low contact in communication, heaviness of actions, and slowness of mental processes. Work and study are not attractive to him and he is indifferent to the future. Lives entirely in the present. Increased impulsiveness is difficult to suppress and can be dangerous to others. Can be domineering, choosing the weakest for communication.

A feature of an excitable personality is pronounced impulsiveness of behavior. The manner of communication and behavior largely depends not on a rational understanding of one’s actions, but on an impulse, drive, instinct or uncontrollable urge. In the area of social interaction, representatives of this type are characterized by extremely low tolerance.

Self-regulation during arousal

Intense emotional states in all people lead to changes in facial expressions, an increase in the tone of skeletal muscles and the rate of speech. The person becomes fussy and makes mistakes in orientation. Not only his breathing and pulse change, but also his complexion.

Regulating emotional states allows you to calm down and take control of your condition. The simplest, but very effective way is to relax the facial muscles. Such self-regulation of emotional states is needed to manage reactions that arise in unforeseen situations.

Thus, reflexively (automatically) at the moment of anger, the facial expression changes and the teeth clench. To eliminate this phenomenon, you need to ask yourself the questions: “Are my teeth clenched?”, “What does my face look like from the outside?” This allows the facial muscles to relax.

Another important reserve of self-regulation is the improvement of breathing. It differs in different situations. A person who sleeps and who works, who is cheerful and angry, who is scared and who is sad, breathes differently. Everything depends on our internal state.

Influencing breathing is considered one of the ways of self-regulation of emotional state. In this case, it is necessary to perform breathing exercises, the meaning of which lies in controlling the frequency, rhythm and depth of inhalations and exhalations. To do this, you will have to hold your breath at different intervals.

You can also regulate your emotional state using visualization. Thanks to it, the imagination is activated, as well as visual, auditory, olfactory, gustatory and tactile sensations. This allows you to escape from the tense situation that has arisen and restore peace of mind.

Coldness and calculation of an insensitive person

An insensitive person never experiences emotions that will make him cry. He is not interested in what is happening. Or he treats it as something ordinary, boring, gray. He is deprived of a sense of compassion, experience and participation. Such a person will never compromise. By nature he is hard-hearted. Indeed, life is much easier for indifferent individuals. The problem of insensitive attitude towards people does not concern them. They are not touched by situations because of which many people suffer, worry and suffer. These people do not know pity. Cruel hearts don't care about other people's troubles. They have a fairly low sensory threshold and poor perception of the world around them.

Guided only by their tasks and thoughts, they move through life literally over their heads. They have strong armor against stressful moments and worries - composure and selfishness. At the end of their life, perhaps something human will awaken in their souls. And, looking back, they will understand what a person’s insensitive attitude towards others leads to. Arguments will no longer work: they will understand that they have spent a miserable existence, remaining in their old age completely alone, having known neither love, nor goodness, nor happiness.

Insensitive attitude of man to man

If a person gradually replaces his feelings with rationality and prudence, it means that there were prerequisites for this. The exact reasons for this behavior have not been studied. But most likely, it is a reaction to the surrounding reality. In order to experience less disappointment, suffering and nervousness, the individual begins to behave differently. He understands that in our difficult times, the insensitive person always wins. He doesn't care about anything, he doesn't worry about anything. Therefore, the once emotional individual turns into a cold and reserved type.

By refusing to show participation in the lives of others, a person loses the ability to empathize. This leads to an insensitive attitude towards people. The arguments to justify this phenomenon are simple: it is better to live according to certain modern patterns. That is, work a lot and pay less attention to others, think only about yourself and your own benefits. According to such an individual, stencils greatly simplify life, leaving no room for thoughts and feelings.

Why does callousness appear in a person?

I constantly say that all people are different. And each person has his own reasons for becoming more callous over the years. In general, I personally believe that we all become more callous to one degree or another over time. In the lives of all people, illnesses, losses, physical and moral suffering occur, which can either strengthen morale or completely break it.

Personally, I don’t think that callousness is always a manifestation of accumulated anger and resentment, although this also happens. But sometimes callousness becomes a consequence of numerous difficult life trials that a person had to endure. Strong personalities can endure many blows of fate and not break. However, you shouldn’t expect them to remain tender and trembling either. And it's hard to blame them for this. Their thinking is quite logical. They believe that if they have withstood such difficulties and dealt with them on their own, then other people are capable of doing the same

And there’s nothing to pay attention to trifles at all, because compared to real grief, it’s all dust

Sometimes callousness and insensitivity are just a mask behind which hides a tender and vulnerable soul that does not want to receive another portion of pain and disappointment. And if you look behind this mask, you can see the kindest and most gentle creature. The only problem is that over the years the mask grows and the person begins to forget who he really is. He gets used to the role so much that it seems to him that he has always been like this - callous, distant and indifferent.

As for me, callousness is not such a terrible quality as cruelty, for example. Yes, a callous person often seems soulless, because he will not run to your aid at the first call. But he is unlikely to intentionally hurt you the way an abusive person might. Callousness is more likely to be akin to indifference, isolation and reluctance to show openness. But even the most callous person is capable of noble deeds. Sometimes it happens. Naturally, this is not always the case)))

In general, there are many reasons for the appearance of callousness, but they are unlikely to be caused by happy events in a person’s life. It all depends on the specific person and specific situations. But you can always understand these reasons if you get at least a little closer to the person, understand his style of thinking and behavior. But, as always, this is just my humble subjective opinion.

The problem of a person’s insensitive attitude towards others. Arguments

Showing insensitivity often leads to tragedy. It breaks destinies. A few years ago, the whole world was shocked by a story when a conductor, halfway through the journey, in winter, kicked a boy off the bus because he could not pay the fare. And as a sad result, the baby lost his way and froze. This attitude is unacceptable, as it led to tragedy.

It is believed that there is nothing worse than indifference and insensitivity. These qualities corrupt souls. And we value sympathetic, attentive and hospitable people. An insensitive person is encountered at every step - in a team, on the street, in the family. Nowadays, an unemotional attitude towards everything outgoing is the norm, not the exception. Not only cruel and selfish people are insensitive, but also those who have responded with evil to their participation and responsiveness. These people, afraid of getting mental pain again, pass by cruelty, trying to close their eyes.

Classification of emotions

Everything that a person encounters in his daily life evokes a certain attitude in him. Some phenomena or objects contribute to the appearance of sympathy in him, while others contribute to disgust. In this case, a person experiences a variety of reactions. It can be a violent outburst of passion and barely restrained anger.

Emotions mean mental processes that reflect a person’s personal significance and are expressed in the form of experiences. They are an assessment of internal and external situations that an individual gives in the process of his life. Based on this, it can be argued that emotions are a subjective concept. They represent a complex mental phenomenon.

There are different types of emotional states according to the form of their course. These include:

- affects; - feelings; - actual emotions; — moods; - emotional stress.

Extroverted type.

Perhaps the most sociable type. Such people have a lot of friends and acquaintances with whom they have excellent relationships, because they know how to listen and do not strive to dominate. Very non-conflicting. However, they are somewhat frivolous, like to gossip, and commit rash acts. It is characterized by an appeal to what comes from the outside, the direction of reactions to external stimuli. They are characterized by impulsive actions, joy from communicating with people, and the search for new experiences. Subject to the influence of others, their own opinions are not stable. It is characterized by an appeal to what comes from the outside, the direction of reactions to external stimuli. They are characterized by impulsive actions, joy from communicating with people, and the search for new experiences. Subject to the influence of others, their own opinions are not stable.

Such a person is easily influenced by his environment and is constantly looking for new experiences. The opinions of such people are not persistent, since new thoughts expressed by others are easily taken on faith and are not internally processed. A characteristic feature is impulsiveness of actions.

What kind of life is this?

Let's figure out what an insensitive person who is not interested in the problems of others gets:

Self-sufficiency. Such a person is confident in himself. It is harmonious and comfortable for him to be a “hermit”, dealing exclusively with his own problems.
Lack of need for other people. There is no need to be friends, because there is nothing to talk about with friends. They live in a world that is alien and incomprehensible to such an individual.
Avoid close contacts. Communication with other people is acceptable, but getting close to them does not make sense. Intrusive comrades will try to dictate their own rules.
Lack of need for love. According to the individual, this feeling is dangerous. It forces you to open up, trust, and become weak. And for a self-sufficient person this is a direct path to losing oneself.
Reluctance to understand other people's feelings. When you are not interested in close relationships with others, there is no need to be imbued with their feelings.
Refusal of emotions. There's no time for that. If feelings do not bring joy, then, naturally, it is easier to refuse them.

Unlucky day

Sometimes the reason some people get angry is simply a bad day. For example, a person overslept, so he is a little late for work, then spilled a cup of coffee on his new suit, got stuck in an elevator, etc. Can this day be called a good day? Perhaps the second half of the day will be the happiest in recent times, but the “victim” does not know this yet. So it turns out that he begins to “take his anger out” on everyone who comes to his hand. Of course, not all people do this, but only those who cannot control themselves. But we must admit that each of us has moments when our nerves simply give out (especially if the troubles drag on for a long time). Therefore, you should treat rude people condescendingly, since at this stage they have problems, not you.

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How to avoid becoming an insensitive person?

To prevent your child from turning into a callous type, devoid of any concern for other people, it is necessary to raise him with love. He should not be protected from his loved ones by a wall of indifference. The problem of a person’s insensitive attitude towards others is very scary. The arguments for this phenomenon, whatever they may be, are not worth the eternal, joyless loneliness that you will receive “as a gift” for your selfishness. A life devoid of emotions awaits you. When suddenly everything around you seems boring and unnecessary, it’s scary.

In order not to turn into a person deprived of any manifestations of feelings, it is necessary to enjoy life, perceive it here and now. Black stripes are replaced by white ones. There is no need to rush to nature reserves and save wild animals, go to underdeveloped countries, or donate huge sums to charitable foundations. You just need to become a little kinder, more merciful. Teach this to the younger generation, and the world around you will change for the better. Kindness, purity of thoughts, the ability to feel and respond to requests for help make a person great and beautiful.

Return to suffering

The first rule that can help is to return to your suffering. Every person has some memories that bring pain or great resentment. These are the ones you will have to turn to in your subconscious every time you are overcome with positive emotions.

It usually becomes very painful to experience negative moments at first. But at one point this feeling disappears. And you stop caring. Once you achieve this, it will be easier to solve the problem.

Try to remember all the negative events at once, en masse. Only then can you fully answer how to become insensitive. Yes, it may seem impossible, but with continued practice, you will notice clear changes in your behavior.

You are constantly irritable

When you are emotionally exhausted, it becomes difficult to control what we call irrational anger, or simply sudden outbursts of anger. In fact, when you're close to burnout, you're desperate to keep your cool and try to stick to your regular schedule. It's exhausting.

In moments when you are exhausted and need a reboot, it is much easier for you to give in to anger and irritability. Emotional exhaustion is just looking for a way out, and it doesn't care that you might offend someone or get into a bad situation because of it. You may regret what you did or said later, but in the very moment when you are overcome with anger, you temporarily lose the ability to control yourself.

Solution:

One of the most powerful ways to help you let go of anger is breathing. When you're angry or upset, your breathing and heart rate increase, activating the fight-or-flight response. When this is triggered, it becomes difficult for you to think rationally or make sound decisions. So first of all, try to calm your breathing.

Mirroring

Are you often bullied? Or maybe you are simply succumbing to eternal emotional tyranny? Gain strength and courage...and mirror your behavior. Don't be afraid to touch the nerves of your offenders. However, like all other people.

What does it mean? Treat your offenders the same way they treat you. It doesn’t matter who it is - a relative or just a friend/acquaintance. Take people who hurt you as an example. They are usually just perfect role models. After all, the ability to touch a nerve is a good skill for a cruel person.

What to do with those who communicate with you with kindness and friendliness? Mirroring will not help here - it is a charge of unnecessary positive emotions. Therefore, just follow the example of your offenders: try to distance yourself from such individuals, constantly tell them something offensive and unpleasant. Over time, this will become a habit for you.

Where does insensitivity come from?

Imagine a child growing up in a family where his feelings are largely ignored. Imagine how such a child's feelings are effectively neutralized over time due to the daily lack of emotional support and responsiveness from adults.

This process, usually (but not always) unrelated to parental intentions, is the essence of childhood emotional neglect. It is the reason why many otherwise prosperous people often feel empty and numb throughout their lives. That's why, back in 2012, I wrote the book Running on a Void: How to Overcome Emotional Neglect as a Child.

The purpose of this book is to introduce people to the phenomenon of emotional neglect in childhood, explain why it often goes unnoticed, is not remembered, and how it affects the experiencer throughout life.

I'd like to quote here an excerpt from the book (slightly edited for clarity):

“People rarely turn to a psychologist complaining of a feeling of inner emptiness or emotional insensitivity. This feeling in itself is not a mental disorder like anxiety or depression. Most people who experience it do not notice that it interferes with their ability to function in daily life. This is a kind of general feeling of discomfort, lack of fullness, which can go away and return.

Some people experience it physically, as an empty space in the stomach or chest. Others have purely emotional insensitivity. It may be some vague feeling that you are missing something that everyone else has, or that you are looking at everything from the outside. Something is wrong, but what exactly is difficult to determine. It makes you feel disconnected from others, out of touch with the world around you, and like you're not getting the enjoyment out of life that you should.

I have found that most emotionally neglected people who come to therapy complaining of anxiety, depression, or marital problems experience this feeling of emptiness in one form or another.

Typically, emptiness is chronic; it becomes an integral and habitual part of a person’s life. It can be difficult to imagine what makes a person feel this way. And the reason lies in the lack of emotional feedback from parents in childhood.

Here I would like to remind you that a person is designed in such a way that he needs to experience emotions. If parents show disdain for the child’s emotions, and in the future the person himself continues to show similar neglect, a “short circuit” occurs in the system and it “fails.”

Imagine sugar-free ice cream or a computer program that has had some basic commands removed. This is exactly how the human psyche works incorrectly when emotions are crowded out of it.

In many ways, emptiness and numbness are worse than pain. I've heard from many people that they would rather feel something than nothing. It is very difficult to notice, comprehend and formulate the absence of something. And if you manage to find words to describe the emptiness you are experiencing in a conversation with another person, it will be very difficult for him to understand you.

Insensitivity for most people is the same as nothing. And nothing is nothing, nothing bad and nothing good. However, from the point of view of how a person functions within himself, nothing is definitely something. Emptiness or insensibility is a very definite feeling. The feeling present in a person is how a person feels about himself. According to my observations, this feeling can be very strong and intense. In fact, it has the power to cause people who seek freedom from it to do some pretty extreme things.”

Reasons for insensitivity

What is the reason for the devaluation of what is related to the manifestation of participation? The origins of indifference begin in early childhood. It is parents who foster a person’s insensitive attitude towards others. Their arguments are common: they are too busy making money to spend such precious time talking with children. And this is the most important mistake of every adult.

With his own hands, he morally disfigures the child, pedantically raising him, following only psychological guidelines that do not imply empathy and participation in the child’s life. Growing up, the offspring gets used to reasoning sensibly and coldly. He doesn't know how to show feelings. A little man who has not received warmth and love becomes an egoist who ignores the problems of others and does not try to communicate with them.

Emotional stress

This is a special type of condition. It is characterized by pronounced psycho-emotional experiences of various conflict situations, which carry a long-term restriction on the satisfaction of biological and social needs.

Emotional stress is mainly of social origin. Moreover, their manifestation becomes more frequent with the development of scientific and technological progress. People are affected by the accelerated pace of life, information overload, environmental problems and ever-increasing urbanization. It is worth keeping in mind that emotional stress negatively affects the body, causing various pathological changes in it.

Diagnosis of apathy

In fact, diagnosing apathy is a long and labor-intensive process. Often the patient's social behavior changes greatly. First of all, inhibition, lethargy, lack of interest and initiative in anything are observed.

There is a noticeable change in speech - it becomes emotionless and monotonous. There is a poverty of facial expressions, as if a person is wearing a “snow queen” mask. The patient makes less and less contact with others and reluctantly leaves the house.

Common sense pushes a person to work and on business, but he can do this without incentive, overcoming internal barriers. That is why apathy is not easy to diagnose, modern life dictates its own rules and people break themselves and go to work, pick up their children from kindergarten, communicate with loved ones and relatives, while suffering from apathy, which gradually turns into depression.

In severe cases, the patient refuses food, sex, and any other joys of life. Sometimes suicidal thoughts appear in the head, but most often in a state of apathy a person is not able to take his own life. Rather, he feels that he wants to disappear, evaporate, and thereby causes psychosomatic illnesses.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=UseV_qlSzlQ

Example in life

An insensitive individual can live in abundance without noticing disadvantaged people. He will easily ignore someone else’s misfortune and will have no problem finding an excuse for himself, considering it none of his business.

Outwardly, a person endowed with insensitivity gives the impression of a balanced person. This allows him to easily endear himself to others and produce a person with peace in his soul. However, an insensitive person will immediately reveal himself when sympathy, lively participation, and compassion are needed, but this person will not show this in a critical situation. For this reason, a person’s insensitivity will cause rejection, misunderstanding, and irritation among others, since society values sympathetic and attentive people. Therefore, loneliness is often the companion of an insensitive person. Insensitivity is dangerous because it leads to isolation, heart fossilization, and isolation.

An insensitive person is not interested in what is happening around him or his attitude towards him as something boring, ordinary, gray. He is not familiar with the feeling of compassion, participation, pity. There are no compromises in his life. Such a person has a tough character. At one time, he realized that life is much easier for indifferent people. Such individuals are not bothered by situations that cause ordinary people to suffer and worry. Other people's troubles do not bother them because they have a low sensory threshold. Pursuing only their goals, they move through life literally “over their heads.” Indifference and selfishness protects them from stressful moments and worries.

Motivation

For a good person to become evil, he needs compelling reasons. Of course, many people have sudden outbursts. So a person thinks: “That’s it, I’m tired, I won’t help anyone anymore and forgive nothing!” But then she somehow forgets about it and continues to be “Mother Teresa.”

Need motivation. How to become evil? Just remember the reasons that cause this “need”. You can even write them out: “Colleagues constantly leave all the “dirty” work to me. When they are having fun, I stay in the office late. I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t take care of my personal life. It's time to stop this. I still love myself." The principle is the same, even if it’s not about work. Here is an example regarding family: “I am 30 years old, but I still do what my mother wants. I can't resist her, she constantly tells me what I need to do. The situation needs to change - I don’t feel like a man and I can’t present myself as such in society.”

In general, in other words, a person must make a firm decision to change something. Plus, his confidence will be noticed by those around him who want to sit on his neck.

Positive thinking

Positive thinking is a key part of emotional intelligence. Why? Because emotional intelligence is about managing emotions and situations in a positive, optimistic, constructive way, as well as recognizing the positive meaning of any emotion.

In contrast, negative thinking is associated with a negative interpretation of events and emotions. It focuses on and often gets stuck on the difficult aspects of emotions and situations.

For example, imagine that you promised a colleague that you would finish a paper for a presentation scheduled for the next day. When you returned home, you realized that you forgot to do this. You were upset, feeling guilty. You tell yourself you are hopeless. Instead of admitting your mistake and thinking about what you can do to correct it, you drown in a sea of negative thoughts, self-blame and reproaches: “Why did I forget to do this? She had to remind me again. Why do I always have to do all the work that falls on me at the last minute?”

If you give in to negative thinking, which always comes with mistakes, difficulties and disappointments, then you can only make it more difficult for yourself to move forward. But with emotional intelligence, you can recognize challenges and then respond to them in a positive and constructive way.

ON PRACTICE

Try to better understand the way you think. Most often, we simply do not notice our negative thoughts. Think about things you've often worried about: the hassle you've had when planning trips, co-workers, clients or relatives you find difficult to get along with, certain responsibilities or things you don't like to do. What negative thoughts come into your mind?

Ask yourself: “What is positive thinking?” Now that you know more about negative thoughts, you can choose whether to continue to cling to them or move on to positive thoughts that are encouraging and empowering. Let’s say you caught yourself thinking: “I’m already fed up with this cold and rain. In July! Will we ever have a normal summer?!” Of course, there are grounds for this complaint. What could be constructive in this thought? It may entice you to buy a cheap holiday to some sunny spot sometime in September, giving you something to look forward to. This is already good. And there is nothing good in endless complaints about bad weather.

Add the word "but". As soon as you catch yourself in a negative thought, add the word “but” to it. This will encourage you to end with a positive sentence: “...but we still have a couple of months of summer left - plenty of time to enjoy the warm weather,” “...but tomorrow I can come to work early in the morning and finish the report.” Visualize a positive outcome, focus on what you can do and what you control.

Is it okay to be insensitive?

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Emotional weakness

Nowadays, many people experience difficulties in emotional manifestations. Or rather, not even in manifestations, but in the very presence of these very emotions and feelings. In other words, quite a lot of people consider themselves incapable of feelings and emotions. Naturally, people wonder how normal this is. And, in general, as far as possible.

There are probably no people without feelings and emotions. Or this is already a complete pathology. But this is very rare. People who claim that they do not feel anything are, as a rule, simply not fully aware of themselves. If, relatively speaking, you hit an insensitive person on the forehead, then his emotions will almost certainly awaken. Yes, not the most constructive, but it’s a fact that they won’t be. That is, it is almost never necessary to talk about complete insensitivity.

Emotional Poles

A person may not feel something in certain situations, in relation to certain events. If anyone has seen the movie “Heart of a Dog,” then they undoubtedly remember the episode about the starving children of Africa, about whom the professor has nothing to do - he is indifferent to them. But at the same time, he turns out to be extremely emotional in many other matters. That is, not feeling any special emotions in one situation and feeling them in another is absolutely normal. Reacting sharply to any emotionally charged situations is just the other pole and this is definitely a deviation from the middle line, although it may not be a problem requiring intervention.

Emotional blockages

So what's the problem then? And it lies in the fact that the emotional response initially inherent in this or that person turns out to be blocked. In this regard, of course, it can be difficult to determine whether some things really do not provoke an emotional reaction, or whether access to it is simply blocked. But after some time it manifests itself in any case. I adhere to the paradigm that everything in a person is important - body, feelings and mind. There is no need to try to live these three components separately. But awareness of how emotional situations affect us through all these components is actually the key to mental, and, in many cases, physical health.

Emotions are hostile to pure thinking. Arthur Conan Doyle, S. Holmes

When working with such a problem, you can find an increase in the level of awareness of your bodily and sensory manifestations. After all, everything is interconnected - any emotion finds a response in the body. This is easy to see if you start listening to yourself. Moreover, the opposite is also true. We can first sense bodily manifestations and then discover the emotions associated with them. For example, if something irritates us greatly, this may manifest itself in the appearance of some itching in the hands, popularly called “itchy hands.” Or, for example, getting into a hopeless situation can manifest itself in the form of distinct weakness in the arms, legs, and groin area. Reluctance to do something can manifest itself in heaviness in the limbs - “as if they were filled with lead.”

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What can cause blocking of a person’s sensory and bodily components, reducing his existence to the level of the mind? Yes, from anything - from childhood psychotraumas to some dominant character traits.

For example, some parents have an extremely negative attitude towards the child’s expression of various feelings - when he cries, he laughs loudly. It annoys them. They want silence and perfect obedience. In such a situation, a child has no choice but to restrain himself in order to earn parental approval. But it’s very difficult to restrain yourself and a mechanism gradually kicks in, repressing feelings as if they don’t exist. Again, they exist, they are not going anywhere, they were simply isolated in order to gain parental love. But they may well be restored. Or, for example, a person who has problems communicating with people, who is afraid of people and life, may well decide that simple human joys and sorrows are not for him, that he is above it. A possible consequence is an atrophy of feelings.

Anxiety

Problems with emotionality are often associated with anxiety. Anxiety very often gives rise to repression and muffling of feelings. Actually, anxiety is unconscious fear. And the easiest way to keep fear under control is through reason. Where there are feelings, control is weakened. Therefore, feelings are dangerous because they can in turn increase anxiety. But here it is already ambiguous - on the one hand, a person can simply restrain feelings, and it is not necessary that all this will take the form of turning off feelings, although it is quite possible - depending on what feelings and what kind of anxiety.

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Andrey Petrakov

This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment

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Mirroring

How to become an emotionless cold creature?

In addition to the fact that the lifestyle of an insensitive person means that it is almost impossible to offend him, spiritual coldness has additional advantages:

A person who practically does not react even to the most serious shocks is usually respected and considered very strong.
The image of an insensitive man attracts girls, because they think that he can solve any problem “without raising an eyebrow.” Girls say about such young people: “Behind him is like behind a stone wall,” because with him action always comes first without wasting time on emotions.
It is much easier for such people to move up the career ladder, because no emotions interfere with working on themselves and self-improvement.

Let's look at how you need to restructure your behavior and attitude towards life in order to become an insensitive scum.

How to become calm and learn to control your emotions is described in the video:

Cultivating selfishness

From childhood we were taught that selfishness is a very bad quality. Children are taught to share their toys or even give them to semi-familiar playmates in the sandbox, because “you need to share” and “are you greedy?”

The same goes for delicious food that I wanted to eat myself, and not give more than half to my parents or brothers/sisters. This is how individuals grow up who are always ready to sacrifice their interests in order for society to consider them good.

Unfortunately, this approach does not allow you to fully enjoy life, because playing in public takes a lot of energy.

Reference! Many begin to feel ashamed of their reluctance to help relatives and mentally torture themselves. If you recognize yourself in these lines, stop this violence right now!

Selfishness is a completely healthy concern for oneself and one’s interests, which should be accepted as an axiom. From now on, answer a firm “No” to any request for help that you don’t want to satisfy!

If the person asking is not part of your family, don’t even explain the reason for the refusal. It will be difficult at first and you will feel anxious about what people think about you. But over time, only the feeling of freedom and happiness will come from the fact that now every minute of life belongs to you personally!

Spend the time that will be freed up only on yourself:

engage in self-development,
take yourself to new cafes and feed yourself delicious food,
buy quality care products,
Don’t skimp on self-education.

After some time, you will understand that by helping everyone around you, you were trying to earn the approval that you can give to yourself.

The pros and cons of selfishness are described in the video:

We say no

How many times have you had to do something just because in our society it is not customary to refuse those who ask?

Many people take advantage of this with pleasure, constantly pretending to be weak and unable to cope with the hardships of life and sitting on the neck of a good friend.

You need to remember one phrase: everything that happens in the lives of other people is their personal responsibility. You don't have to rush out and help them.

Important! The only thing you must do from now on is take care of your needs and make it your life's work.

A little practice can help you learn to say “no”:

For a week, refuse to satisfy all requests that are addressed to you if you feel even a hint of doubt that you want to help this person.
For every refusal, mentally thank yourself and allow yourself a small weakness: your favorite candy or watching a movie instead of cleaning the apartment in the evening.
This will give your brain the motivation to learn how to cope with anxiety over people’s opinions.