The art of communication: rules and secrets of successful communication, advice from psychologists

• October 6, 2018
• Psychology of communication
• Valentina Buravleva

Communication is a special type of communication, which consists of exchanging information and organizing joint activities. The desire to interact with each other is inherent in humans by nature and is an integral part of their existence, because this is the most important component of life in society.

Why does communication require skill?

The very phrase “the art of communication” suggests that this term is understood as more than just one of the social functions. In order to successfully interact with other people, you need to have a certain skill. And someone has such skills perfectly; communication with such people becomes pleasant and easy. And some people fail to simply start a dialogue - for them the art of communication is a mysterious secret that has yet to be comprehended. From all this it follows that to conquer this science you need to know its basics and improve your skills, or in other words, learn. Mastery comes with experience, and experience is gained through constant practical training and self-improvement. The success of mastering the art of communication depends directly on the person himself. But there are several good ways that will definitely help you find a common language with any person.

How to evaluate the effectiveness of communications?

The effectiveness of communications depends on various parameters that should be considered if there is a need to evaluate the effectiveness of a particular communication or to draw up a plan for new communication.

• Target
  . Any business communication has a pragmatic goal, which distinguishes it from just a pleasant conversation. Until you have formulated a goal for yourself, it is pointless to engage in communication.
• Factors of influence
  . To build effective communications you need to understand what influences success in communication. The negotiator must have some kind of “checklist” according to which he can plan new communications and evaluate existing ones.
• Communication characteristics of the partner
  . We all see the world differently (see Figure 2). Any communication is unique because people are very different, and you should know and take into account their manner of communication, etc. to achieve the best results.
• Personal communication characteristics
  . You, like any other person, have your own style of communication, your strengths and weaknesses as a negotiator. It is important to engage in reflection and study your characteristics.

Maintaining eye contact

During a conversation, it is very important to create a trusting atmosphere around the interlocutor and a feeling of interest in the contact. Looking around will indicate uncertainty. And the person with whom the dialogue is being conducted is unlikely to open up for an active conversation, and there can be no talk of any art of communication in this case.

If direct gaze is unnecessarily embarrassing or causes a nervous chuckle, you can use the following technique: look at the area between the interlocutor’s eyebrows. This way it will be possible to commit a “deception” in which the “victim” will observe a direct “eye to eye” look.

How to achieve success in communication?

The psychology of successful communication is important not only in everyday life, but also in daily work activities for a harmonious stay in society. The psychology of professional communication determines professional growth no less than qualifications. In an interpersonal conversational process, participants pursue significant goals that may or may not coincide. There are certain ways and means that are so important for successful communication between people.

The successful progress of group activities can be determined:

• Achieving goals with the emergence of contact and warm relationships;
• Satisfaction without a feeling of misunderstanding and annoying long pauses during a conversation;
• Absence of tightness, stiffness and other difficulties.

However, the absence of direct conflicts does not yet serve as an indicator of relaxed communication - communication problems may be hidden under a formally calm tone. In addition, conflicts in the social sphere, unfortunately, are no longer considered as a disadvantage, but they are well taught to overcome them with dignity.

Showing interest

One who masters the art of communicating with people always pays close attention to the personality of his interlocutor. Without this, successful communication is impossible. Even if you cannot yet express your interest in the conversation properly, you should try your best to do so. Over time, you will hone your communication skills, and asking your interlocutor the right questions about himself and the things that are important to him will become much easier.

You also need to learn to show interest in your counterpart because it is always very difficult to listen to the monotonous speeches of one person. Therefore, it is worth trying to transform such monologues into dialogues: be surprised by the interlocutor’s statements, play with emotions, ask questions. In general, hone your art of communication, doing everything to ensure that communication develops and becomes more and more relaxed, and those in contact feel comfortable.

There is always a way out! You just have to look around

Very often the problems are “chronic” in nature.
Over and over again - for the same rake. But this is not a reason to give up. It’s worth thinking, what are you doing wrong? For example, for our agency employees the following algorithm applies:

• Turn off emotions and act with a cool head
• Identify the essence of the problem
• Think through and discuss constructive solutions with your partner

We had examples of really difficult communication situations with clients.
In some cases, personal meetings helped, in others, a conversation with a manager at a higher level helped, in others, agreeing on communication rules. In rare cases, replacing a manager with another who can find an approach can help. But this works if the problem lies precisely in the lack of contact between the responsible persons, and not in something else. One thing we can say for sure: trying to establish effective communications should never be a one-sided game. If one of the parties does not want to build interaction, it is easier to part ways. The earlier the better. You will suffer less temporary and emotional losses.

Working on your speech

In order for the dialogue to be pleasant and for the interlocutors to listen to each other comfortably, it is very important to observe your speech and develop eloquence. Anyone who uses monosyllabic phrases will not be able to take an active position in the conversation. On the contrary, someone who masters the art of successful communication, competently expresses his thoughts, diluting his speech with various constructions, turns of phrase and means of expression, will always be pleasant to people and popular in society. Reading, listening, speaking - these are the keys to rapidly enriching the language and winning the attention of other participants in the discussion.

Criteria for business communication

The image of a business person, which includes the psychology of successful communication, is based on decency and compassion.

Thus, the model of his behavior can be considered:

• Respect for yourself and your partners, showing delicacy, tolerance, and tact in conversations;
• Recognition of the role of communication not only for business contacts, but also for cooperation;
• Avoiding overconfidence;
• Ability to listen to people;
• Politely rejecting unnecessary topics;
• Lack of confusion and uncertainty.

For the psychology of effective communication, there are several levels that determine its mastery. This is freedom, which implies high compatibility, flexibility and contact; active leadership demonstrating courage and dignity; a partner level that allows you to listen to an idea and find the best solution. Sociability is directly related to a person’s benevolent emotional state, which ensures ease and ease of acquaintance and communication.

Applying a mirror effect

Gesticulation allows words to acquire more persuasiveness and a certain charm, and the speaker to become more emotional in the eyes of the interlocutor (however, during the moments of its reproduction, it is important to remain calm so as not to look too excited). The "mirror" effect is to repeat the movements and intonation of your opponent. This technique is often used by those who master the art of business communication. For example, you can easily win over a potential business partner by unobtrusively “mirroring” his posture.

Developing Confidence

Most often, confident people attract the attention of others with their charisma. The art of successful communication is largely determined by the presence of high self-esteem. Such people are always noticed in the crowd. They are bright, and others see in them what they themselves lack. Naturally, the art of communication is never easier for such individuals. After all, with their entire appearance they inspire confidence in people, and are also an example of reliability. Developing self-confidence is the path to leaving good impressions on your interlocutors.

Practical Methods for Developing Confidence

How can you become a more confident person? The main methods recommended by many psychologists are as follows:

1. Thought control. A person has about 65,000 thoughts per day. But 80-90 percent of them are negative - these are either worries, or worries, or warnings. Psychologists emphasize that these fears make a person more cautious and therefore cannot be unequivocally assessed in a negative way. But modern human life, for the most part, is not fraught with danger. Once you realize that these are just anxious thoughts, you can become much more confident.
2. Have a goal. A confident person always knows what he wants from life. Knowing your purpose is the key to success.
3. Start your morning with gratitude. This will allow you to tune in to a positive mood. If you start the day with gratitude, you can maintain a good mood until the evening.
4. Leave your comfort zone. Communication can really make a person afraid. Most often, this reaction is due to past experiences. But in order to become more confident, you need to form a new attitude in yourself: to realize that communication could be unpleasant and dangerous in the past, and in the current situation there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. This can only be done by accepting the challenge and entering into dialogue even when you don’t particularly want to do so.
5. Workout. Language of communication is an art that includes not only verbal communication. It is also important in constructing a dialogue how a person behaves, what kind of posture he has, how he presents himself. Physical exercise and sports make you feel much more alert, which can’t help but affect your confidence.
6. Choose the right environment. If you are constantly around those people who devalue you, most likely this will affect your self-esteem in the most negative way. It is believed that each person is the arithmetic mean of the 5 people around her. Therefore, you need to be careful about your surroundings.
7. Feeling of openness. Openness testifies to honesty, and honest people always create an aura of correctness and nobility around themselves and inspire trust. Openness is also acceptable when the interlocutors are close enough that the conversation should be simplified so that the participants in the conversation open up to each other and feel even more comfortable. However, this advice should only be used if people are willing and trustworthy to share personal information. There is no need to share your secrets with strangers. Otherwise, it will have the opposite effect and alienate others. And even if the chances of a good acquaintance were great, then if you are too frank in the initial stages of communication, you can ruin a potential friendship.

Other techniques

Communication is also an important part of psychology and exists and develops according to its laws. It is important for people to exchange information that includes their opinions, experiences, joys and sorrows. However, not everyone manages to understand the politics of communication and how best and on what basis it is worth expressing their views and opinions. In this case, there is nothing wrong with resorting to some psychological techniques that can help the interlocutors “liberate” the conversation, make it more pleasant and easier, and in some situations, get specific information from the opponent. There are other ways to improve your people skills:

1. The very beginning of communication should always be positive. This will set the tone for the entire conversation.
2. If someone lied or said an unpleasant thing, you should not argue. You can simply look a person in the eyes with expression, and he will be forced to continue the conversation.
3. When meeting someone, try to consider the color of the person's eyes. This will allow you to concentrate on the interlocutor.
4. By expressing sincere joy at a meeting, you can receive the same positive emotions in return.
5. During times of strong excitement, you can chew gum. This causes associations in the brain with eating - and therefore with peace.

In the course of development, humanity observed its actions and formed a science that is able to explain and predict them - psychology. Putting the above methods into practice will help not only improve communication, but also direct the conversation in the direction you want.

Principles of successful communication.

History knows many outstanding diplomats and orators for whom people were ready to follow, giving their lives. What is the key to successful communication? What techniques and specific skills are needed? How to express your thoughts correctly? Why do they often misunderstand you and perceive something different from what you said? What is this connected with?

There are many questions. For example, during a conversation, each interlocutor, receiving information from the outside, correlates it through the prism of his experience and knowledge. And everything you say will be colored according to your partner’s perception. How it works? Let's look at an example:

A: Why do you go to work sick? B: Why did you decide that? A: I brought a first aid kit. B: Yesterday I unpacked my bag from vacation.

To avoid hasty conclusions, the simplest thing is to clarify whether you yourself made the right conclusions. Hence the first principle:

Clarification principle

Formula: when you told me…. It seemed to me that... did I understand correctly?

This helps to remove the filter of personal perception, without accusations and with reference to oneself. You can easily check your conclusions about what your interlocutor said.

By the way, it follows from this that what you said will not always be perceived exactly as you said. For example, in business communications there is a “complete cycle” communication model. This leads to the second principle:

The principle of how they perceive you

At a business meeting, the topic of the conversation is first determined, and at the end they are spoken out again point by point, and each of the parties once again goes through the protocol, repeating the points and possibly supplementing them, distributing areas of responsibility. This work scheme not only saves time and resources, but also disagreements over the results of the work performed.

The main goal of business communication, as well as personal communication, is that everyone understands each other, and in business they find common interests for common benefit.

This model works the same for two-way dialogue, for example, when a manager tells a subordinate a series of tasks and then asks him to repeat them. And you will be surprised that very often, having heard a list of tasks, it may turn out that the employee perceived some of the information differently, and needs to be clarified again.

Omitting such concepts of verbal communication as lies and manipulation, where it is clear what the final result is needed, I propose to consider the following principle for successful communication with each other - “purity of language.”

The principle of “pure language”

If in business communication there is practically no emotional subtext, then in interpersonal communication it is present everywhere.

When we speak, we rely on our experience and our vision, and we react based on it. And sometimes some simple spoken phrase can put pressure on our “sore spot” and cause a negative reaction, although the interlocutor does not suspect anything. Happened? But how does this work in life?

Remember the dialogue at the beginning of the article. This is a story about incorrect conclusions based on past experience. This happens often, even more often than we might imagine. Especially when people know each other well enough, they can often jump to conclusions without asking the other person whether this is what he meant? The dialogue of “thinking things through” is precisely the cause of quarrels. What to do?

Speak in simple language and say what you think - from yourself.

When you communicate, indicate to your partner what you need. Do you want to share, ask, clarify, request, state or just chat? This way you will save time for yourself and for him, and immediately insist on communication, essence and time. Hence the following principle:

The principle of sincere communication

Speak, start from yourself, sincerely and simply. Hints and images may simply not be clear, otherwise you will end up with the same unknown at the end of the conversation as you hinted to your interlocutor, which will upset yourself. The manipulation scheme will someday be revealed, since you will have to pretend to be something you are not. And this is visible and looks crooked. Perhaps you are interested in showing off and using different communication options? If you have time and passion for the game, then why not.

But when the dialogue is built on sincerity and you understand that the interlocutor chooses for himself what to do, you can only motivate him to action, then the mutual exchange will be greater, with dedication and pleasure. What if he refuses? It's easier to force! Have you ever been forced to eat your least favorite cereal every day in kindergarten? And what are your impressions?

The principle of freedom

Has it ever happened that when you asked not to smoke here, you received a violent reaction and negative statements in return? If familiar, then why does the other side perceive it this way? The reaction lies in the very formulation of the request. As stated above, you say that you have to change because I am not happy with what you are doing. In other words, you want to change the person to suit you. The reaction is naturally negative. Why should he do something the way you want, and even make claims?

How is it possible to ask differently? You can, for example, “I want to ask you to temporarily stop smoking while I’m here, because cigarette smoke makes me feel bad.” What's wrong with this phrase? Here there is a reference to yourself and your reaction, here you are not forcing another to change, you are giving a choice to decide to do it or not.

But why use this? To remove negative emotions and mistakes in understanding each other. Why, so that it would be easy for you personally to communicate, without negativity, without making so much effort, pretending to be someone to please, for pleasure and without wasting time, not useless fishing for information, both in business and in personal.