There is a lot of material on the Internet about the development of personal growth. Everything seems to be normal, but “nothing happens” that would make us wake up every day with joy and go “with a feeling of flying” to do our favorite thing. And this happens because “life on autopilot” does not suit you, but you don’t know a clear strategy for moving, and where to move. And all because there are no goals and a plan for personal growth when you know “what, why and why” you need to do.
On the walls of the Temple of Apollo in Delphi, an ancient inscription has been preserved: “Know yourself” - this is nothing more than personal growth.
Developing personal growth in the head and body
The time “X” comes and we begin to engage in personal growth and self-development.
Very often we are faced with the fact that we want to change everything. To do this, we begin to take care of ourselves, read a lot of books, go to trainings. And we don’t understand at all why changes in our lives are in no hurry to happen.
There is an expression among psychologists that “the internal tightens the external.” We can only agree with this if we actually do something for these changes.
Self-development always occurs at all levels: in the head and in the body. In other words, the inner always draws out the outer, and not vice versa. Self-development occurs in all areas of life:
- Physical
- Spiritual
- Intelligent
- Emotional
- Creative
What pushes us to change everything that is familiar to us. Yes, exactly, stressful situations that smoothly move from one to another and sometimes do not end at all or end in neurosis. Therefore, this is another reason to think about changes.
And some never come to change. They decided, for example, to reduce weight by 20 kg, but they do nothing at all, they just want to. And so they “waddle” from holiday to holiday, only having the desire to lose weight. Even diseases that are a consequence of excess weight do not stop a person. And he does not strive to start doing something, even in the name of his “health.”
Self-development is still a comprehensive work on oneself. And you need to have the willpower to start doing it.
Your thirst for success is selfish
We are all somewhat selfish, and it is completely normal to have such emotions.
After all, if you spend your life serving others, you will die in poverty. But if your thoughts about success are only about improving your standard of living, you will never succeed.
A study on the side effects of greed and generosity by The Scientific American found that while generosity keeps you healthy, greed leads to stress and the production of the stress hormone cortisol.
The more you get, the more you have to lose. If you only want success for yourself, you will pay for your greed. You will have a lot of money, but you will be bankrupt in pleasures, love, hobbies (except for the desire to accumulate even more bills).
Now do you understand why a new car and a big house are the wrong definition of success?
If I'm not improving the world, then I'm allowing other things to derail my goals, and I need to change my perspective. Make the effort to make the planet you call home a better place than it was when you were born. Then you will never lose your focus on success.
Rework author Jason Fried called it “leaving a mark on the universe.” Leave a mark, big or small, that will live on for years after you're gone.
Why don't people want to develop?
It's not that simple at all. Therefore, people who spend a lot of time reading literature, or endlessly attend trainings, but do nothing on their own, or do not study personally with a coach, remain in their original positions. What are the reasons for all this:
- Lack of willpower
Procrastination or constant putting things off, or simple laziness, prevent a person from moving towards his goals. In some families, parents raised willpower in their children, while in others they did not. But this does not mean at all that you cannot raise her yourself. It's like a muscle, the longer you train, the better the results.
There are two approaches to training willpower: Do OR Don't. Our body will find thousands of reasons not to do it, since it does not want to leave the “comfort zone”. But as we wrote earlier, “if you do everything as always, then you will get the same result as always.”
Start training yourself with daily, constant actions: exercise, church fasts, daily 40-minute walks, maintaining a family budget, monitoring expenses and your free time. You need to make plans and carry them out. Otherwise there will never be a result.
Willpower is a spiritual quality, and it is cultivated by people with very high awareness.
Just by developing this quality you can achieve dramatic changes in your life.
- Lack of motivation
A person needs a very strong desire to motivate himself to change. And as a rule, our inner voice often tells us: “Well, why do you need this? And so good!” And everything remains in the same place. Therefore, a person will never lose his extra 20 kg. Because you need to seriously deny yourself something, spend time on sports, count calories. To limit yourself means to deprive yourself of “sweets”. Who, the one who loves him, would bring himself to this?
In order to have motivation, you need to set the right goals, clearly see and visualize the result of what you want. And only then with willpower and overcoming yourself can you get results. The proverb: “Without labor, you can’t catch a fish out of a pond”... that’s what it’s about!
- Lack of time management
This is another reason that slows people down on the path to their goals. There are plans, but there is no exact time when they will begin to be implemented. And this is a big mistake. Many people try to start “on Monday”, “on New Year”, etc. and they never start. Time is the most valuable resource. So years pass, but “things are still there.”
It’s not enough to plan, it’s also worth tracking the implementation, and giving yourself pluses for completing it, and be sure to encourage yourself.
- Lack of discipline
Here you only need to write one thing: if you have started, then for at least 21 days you should do it every day, without days off, and without excuses. The body “will not help you in any way”; it will even “invent” a disease. But you still try and do it. This is the only way to get results.
Intolerance of criticism
Perfectionists rarely have a good sense of humor. At least they are not ready to laugh at themselves; rather, they are ready to cry at themselves. A person torments himself with criticism, and if other people get involved in this, he becomes completely unbearable. Such people perceive every critical word addressed to them as a personal insult. They withdraw into themselves, stop trusting people, or, conversely, become too aggressive.
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It is difficult for others to understand how much a person knows how to punish himself. Additional “portions” of punishment become truly destructive for him. Instead of drawing the right conclusions and listening to the words of those who see everything from the outside, a perfectionist prefers to blame others for everything, pointing out to them that he knows much more, and therefore cannot be assessed by incompetent people.
What is personal growth and self-development?
American psychologist Carl Rogers in 1959 answered the question of what human personal growth is. He identified the general “law of personal growth” based on the “if-then” formula. It sounds like this: if the necessary conditions exist, then the process of self-development is actualized in a person, that is, changes aimed at his personal maturity.
- It is a constant and never-ending process of learning something.
- Thanks to this, a person grows and develops both qualitatively and quantitatively, noticeable changes occur
- Knows yourself better and improves your personal qualities
- Gains new skills and finds his purpose
- Improves quality of life and lives more consciously and interestingly
- Life becomes more harmonious, and this makes it joyful and happy
This is, in fact, the most profitable investment - an investment in your self-development, personal growth.
Growth is always quantitative changes that a person can track himself, and development is qualitative changes; as a rule, the environment takes part here.
What gives a person personal growth?
- Get out of stress
- Financial stability
- Recovery from depression and nervousness (from illness)
- Relationships normalize, it happens that people next to you begin to grow or leave
- Getting rid of addiction
- Marriage
- Feeling good
The development of personal growth first of all changes a person’s consciousness. If, for example, he wanted to lose weight and couldn’t, then first of all he changed a lot of existing attitudes in his head to others (psychological ways of influencing his body). Physically changed my habits, started eating healthy and adjusted my lifestyle. Time needs to pass. And only then can you count on results.
How psychology affects physiology
The starting point is always in your head. Analysis of events can be carried out independently or better with a psychologist. Each time you delve into “adverse events,” you can become completely bogged down in them. And not only fail to pull yourself out of stress, but, on the contrary, get even more bogged down.
Therefore, it is better to do all this with a psychologist who will competently guide you through all the labyrinths of your memory and help you correctly adjust these settings.
You keep looking for shortcuts or get-rich-quick schemes
The only shortcut you'll need is so useful that it can outshine everyone else.
And I can show it to you right now. Ready?
There are no shortcuts.
Don't believe me? Ask Richard Branson, one of the richest and most successful people in the world. He said:
If you spend time looking for shortcuts, then you are sure to find one - straight from business
Get-rich-quick schemes involve stealing from many to filthy enrich a few.
Do you want to become such a person? Is wealth the main thing? If you're trying to lose weight, would you really rather take weight loss pills that destroy your body than diet and exercise?
Shortcuts exist only for destructive people who care only about themselves. You are not like that.
Be strong and act smart. It may take longer, but you will live a better life as a result.
How to change yourself
- You need to change your thoughts.
Reading books and working with a psychologist, you can remain in a state for a long time that “everything is clear.” But you also need to take and take action regarding these changes yourself. You don't need to think, but do everything physically.
- You can't do without positivity
Everything you do must be done with a positive attitude. If every time you say that “I can’t”, “I can’t do this”, “this is hard”, then you will never move forward. A positive attitude and desire are required. Be sure to monitor your negative thoughts and change them into a positive mindset.
However, we should understand that not everything will work out the way we want. Something will not go at all as we planned. But even in this case, you shouldn’t despair and give up everything. We need to move on.
What do I want to change by engaging in self-development and personal growth?
It's worth asking yourself a few questions:
- What do I want to start doing?
For example, learn to swim or ride a bike. Or maybe learn to set goals and plan.
- What do I want to stop doing?
For example, working at a job you don’t like, or maybe smoking, engaging in idle pastimes and watching endless TV series.
- What would you like to buy?
Some people want to acquire new skills, others want to find a new job and improve their income. Or maybe you want something material. It is worth thinking carefully about this issue.
- What do I want to change in my life?
For example, place of residence, or maybe country of residence. Lifestyle, gain financial freedom or monetize your hobby.
Inability to see beauty in simple things (far from ideal)
Perfectionists are not able to discern the attractiveness that can arise in an imperfect object, phenomenon, or violation of some rules. There is a concept of creative disorder that is incomprehensible to people who strive for everything impeccable. The very word “clutter” will become a reason for them not to even delve into the essence. For example, they will not be able to see the beauty in the child’s work and will probably find many arguments for criticism.
Neural connections and self-talk
New neural connections do not appear immediately. You need to work on them. Therefore, there must be new skills and new knowledge to know how to change everything. Physiologically, the body and head must get used to these changes.
And to understand that they are good for you, you must be calm and happy. And here, too, you can use the technique of “talking to yourself.” About the fact that “it’s like this for now, but everything is moving towards a better, more profitable and more fun life.”
Any habit takes root within three weeks or a month. Therefore, do not sabotage, but simply gradually introduce this habit into action. Soon it will become your reliable support on the path to change. For example, repeating a new habit over and over again will reinforce it in your brain.
Talking to yourself
Your schedule is terrible
I know, the thought of micro-managing your life seems like torture.
I thought the same thing until I realized that I couldn't do anything. I was busy—doing laundry, answering emails, checking Twitter. But there is a huge difference between being productive and being busy.
Writer John Tolkien put it best:
All we need to do is decide what to do with the time we have.
If you don't manage your time and think through what needs to be accomplished, someone else will do it for you.
Scott Dinsmo of Live Your Legend has come up with an excellent weekly planning process that turns scheduling into a ritual that has become one of my favorite parts of the week.
Spending an hour organizing the important things on your calendar will give you a clear picture of the steps you should (or shouldn't) take to achieve success.
Whatever is on your schedule will get done. Clear and simple.
Advice from a neuroscientist
The famous neuroscientist Wendy Suzuki (her book is on our RECOMMENDED page) suggests changing psychology by reinforcing it with physiology. To do this, she and her students engage in sports exercises during a lecture on neurobiology. For example, the following interesting conclusions can be drawn from her work:
- Any physical exercise, and especially its repetition, increases the release of positive neurotransmitters (pleasure hormones in this case) in the head. These hormones immediately improve your mood, and last two hours after training, and even your reaction time improves. The same can be said about race walking at a speed of 4.5-5 km per hour.
- Once you begin to exercise regularly and physically train your body, your memory improves and new neural connections appear. This means that the rest of your brain cells undergo these changes. Of course, treating Alzheimer's disease and memory loss is difficult. But it is possible to improve the consequences of senile dementia.
- You don’t have to go to the gym; you can walk in the park at a sporting speed 3-4 times a week for just 30-40 minutes to train your heart muscle. In addition, if you add useful affirmations, your well-being will improve significantly.
And then you will definitely understand the difference between the word I want and the word I really feel. Summing up, in order to see changes when practicing self-development, you need to do everything consciously and physically, and then there will definitely be personal growth!
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Recommendations for women
For the fair half of humanity, we also have some advice.
Look after your beauty and take care of yourself
A man can be a little more beautiful than a monkey and still be successful with the opposite sex. This trick will not work for women. Dedicate at least 5 hours a week to self-care.
Develop physically
Dancing, aerobics, swimming, yoga, and Pilates are perfect for ladies as physical activity. Strength training should also not be neglected, especially if your figure is far from ideal.
Read books for women
I don’t mean the women’s pulp novels and memoirs of Olga Buzova. We have a selection of high-quality literature for women for you - take a look.
Develop feminine energy
In the process of self-development, be sure to pay attention to accumulating the energy of femininity. The books we talked about above, as well as special women's courses and practices, will help you with this.
Also try to cultivate in yourself qualities that are traditionally considered feminine: gentleness, tolerance, mercy, altruism.
Update your wardrobe
Learn to dress modernly and appropriately, highlight your strengths and hide your flaws. I advise you to use the services of a stylist. It will set the vector for further independent work in this area.
