Blows of fate, crushing failures and painful losses can accompany a person at any stage of life. Sometimes it happens that the world loses its colors, hope disappears, the meaning of existence disappears. It is in moments like these that the desire to fight and continue to exist disappears. And many begin to wonder what to do if they don’t want to live at all? These types of difficult moments must be overcome against all odds, even when you want to give up. It doesn’t matter what depressing and painful situations a person faces during a period of life. It is important not to succumb to their influence. After all, every day you live brings with it something new, previously unknown, and interesting. Today the sky is black and there is a thunderstorm, and tomorrow the sky will sparkle with a variety of colors reflected in the warm sunshine.
A similar thing happens in human existence. It’s as if there is no way out of the host of problems today, but tomorrow something happens that solves all the problems in one fell swoop. After all, everything can be improved or corrected, only death is irreversible. Therefore, as long as a person exists physically, hope must always glimmer within him.
What to do if you don’t want to live - advice from a psychologist
First of all, the individual who has asked this question is recommended to try to understand the events taking place. Analyzing the situation helps you make the right decision, plan specific strategic actions, and helps to slightly distract yourself from depressing thoughts.
In addition, it is necessary to distinguish between depressive moods or banal melancholy, which falls within the boundaries of normality, from real depression. You can overcome despondency and melancholy on your own, but a depressive state needs professional correction.
If a person is faced with the question: “what to do if you don’t want to live anymore,” you should not drive such thoughts away from yourself, considering them shameful or unacceptable. The problem does not cease to exist and have a detrimental effect if a person pretends that it does not exist. It is at the stage when an individual begins to think about the need for further existence that he so urgently needs help.
It often happens that the subject of a depressive mood is so shameful and forbidden that the individual has to exist for years in a depressed state. Some cannot cope with the severity of the problems and find peace at the bottom of the bottle, while others attribute discouragement and apathy to fatigue from work, hiding the lack of aspirations behind responsibilities, justifying the lack of a normal intimate life with everyday problems. Such a trivial existence can continue for a long period until the individual one day realizes that he has long ceased to feel happiness. People, behind the everyday heap of problems, the intense rhythm of life, the endless pursuit of imaginary values, lose value guidelines, lose goals and understanding of the meaning of existence. They turn into robots that exist according to a program set by someone.
The mistake of most human subjects lies in the pattern of thinking. Many people follow their own path through life, but rather one imposed by society, their social environment, or their relatives. That’s why work doesn’t bring pleasure, my husband has long since grown tired of me, and my children have become annoying.
Therefore, first of all, you need to reconsider your life goals, your own pastime, understand what really brings pleasure, gives joy and illuminates with happiness. When an individual completely loses interest in his own existence, loses social activity and becomes apathetic towards everything, he should immediately visit a psychologist.
If an individual plunges into a whirlpool of experiences after a certain life situation, he must try to get out of this state on his own. Since inaction will lead to fixation on difficulties, which can plunge the subject into a depressive abyss.
The most common factor that causes melancholy is fixation on a certain unpleasant event. A constant whirlpool of problems scrolling through your head, conducting a silent internal conversation with a ghostly opponent, imagining the possible course of events if a specific negative situation had not occurred. With such thoughts, the individual independently drives himself deeper and deeper into depression. The inability to correct the event that happened, coupled with a passionate desire to change what is happening, will drive anyone to madness. Stopping it now is the main goal of a healthy psyche.
When everything that happens is so bad and the only question hauntingly haunts you is “what to do if you don’t want to live anymore,” you need to remember creativity. And there is no need to limit your own person in creative self-realization. Creativity is beneficial due to its variety of directions: playing music, drawing, modeling, embroidery, dancing, knitting. Every form of creative art brings with it peace. You can choose the most elementary direction, even if it is considered childish. The main condition is that the hobby gives joy and pleasure.
Art therapy not only helps to get rid of a depressive mood, but can also reveal a tendency towards a certain direction, which the individual himself had not previously suspected. The creative process will allow you to relax, forget about sorrows, and learn new things. A huge advantage of the described method is the opportunity to please loved ones with a souvenir of your own making. But the happiness of a loved one will not leave anyone indifferent.
If the rhythm of life allows, then it is recommended to take a time out. You can go on vacation or take a couple of days off, go to your homeland, to the mountains, exclude all noisy parties, devote this time exclusively to yourself, without allowing yourself to be burdened with problems.
An alternative approach by Yuri Burlan
An interesting theory was created by Yuri Burlan and is called system-vector psychology. It is based on fact. That people lose their zest for life because they don’t know where to look for it. Forms of behavior and desires that are not characteristic of them are imposed on them and they eventually come to a feeling of devastation. The mentioned psychological approach states that a certain vector of development prevails in each person. It is in his field that one should look for those hobbies that will never lose meaning. So, people with the skin vector should not forget about sports and try to realize their potential in sales. The anal vector should have access to pedagogy and mentoring. And the visual one goes into creative professions or the work of doctors. But the sound vector must allow itself to engage in philosophy and the search for the meaning and root cause of all things.
It’s interesting, but in Canada there is a fairly popular book by a woman who was not based on Yuri’s developments, but claims that she overcame suicidal feelings by exchanging a forced job for one that she wanted to have all her life, but which was previously regarded as “not feminine.” So, after more than thirty years of teaching career, she became a truck driver.
If you also think that you have not chosen the right type of occupation, try contacting a psychologist. Perhaps reorientation will open up amazing perspectives for you and close the topic of suicide forever.
Painful indifference and loss of friends
So I graduated from university and started working as a children's choreographer. One day, we went with the children to a competition in another city. We drove about 50 kilometers, and I started having a panic attack. I want to run out, scream, cry. It's inexplicable, it's inside you, and it's killing you. I remember that I then called my parents and said that I would go out on the highway now and let them pick me up. In such a state, you can give up everything, the importance does not matter.
Then I realized that the worst thing is not physical pain or betrayal, the worst thing is indifference. You don’t care what you wear, what you eat, where you go, whether you miss deadlines or not.
Photo: © kinopoisk.ru
You are constantly trying to cling to at least some emotion, but you don’t care at all. That's why you completely lose the meaning of anything. You think, even if I have a job I love, even if I get a lot of money, even if I’m super famous, so what? What's next, what's the point?
Many friends abandoned me then. If I have always been a person who constantly gathered companies, danced at parties in the center of the dance floor and smoothed out all conflicts, then in a state of depression I was useless and difficult.
And even at that moment when I was losing friends, I didn’t feel anything. I wasn't interested. Of course, there were close friends who wanted to figure out what was wrong with me. Now I understand their value and significance in my life. Plus, everything that my parents went through makes me understand how dear they are to me.
Where to find a new incentive, a new dream, new motivation for your own life
Dreams.
Learn to follow an important rule - turn your dreams into goals, the fulfillment of which is given a certain period of time. Surely, as a child, you dreamed of many things, planning that you would realize all this “as soon as you grow up.” How many of these dreams have come true? It looks like you have reached a time when your life simply needs changes! Remember where you dreamed of going, what purchase you planned, and so on. Now all these are your plans for the near future. Write a wish list and start making it a reality.
Motivation.
How to motivate yourself to make any changes or implement plans. Clearly imagine what your life will be like when you do what you want, but what you don’t have the strength or determination to do. Think in detail about how much you need it and what it can give you. Still can't motivate yourself? Perhaps, in fact, you no longer need what you once dreamed of and that is why your motivation is so weak? Review your list of dreams and determine what you really want from life in the future.
Leave fear behind.
The fear of condemnation, pain, criticism and the like will separate us from many accomplishments and changes. Your fears are what are stopping you from living a good life. If you want to achieve truly high goals, you will have to understand that failure in this case is a natural phenomenon.
If you are afraid of something on the way to what you want, then analyze the situation well. Accept that your fears may not be unfounded, and you will indeed have to go through some unpleasant moments, but they are the ones that separate you from what you really need! And when you receive this, then all the inconvenient or difficult situations accompanying this achievement will become small and insignificant for you. Give your dream a chance to come true!
Give Hope
Hope cannot be built on empty consolations - it must come from reality, from the existing possibility of wanting and achieving. Hopes must be justified: when a ship crashes on the rocks, there is a difference between hoping to “sail to the nearest shore” and “to reach the opposite shore of the ocean.” The content of life does not disappear, even if it brings mental pain, but there is no point in being stuck on one pole of emotions. Darkness and light, joy and sadness, happiness and suffering are inseparably intertwined threads in the fabric of human existence. It is important to help strengthen a person’s strengths and capabilities, to convince him that crisis problems are variable.
Suicidal thoughts are obsessive
They appear whether we want it or not, like a horror movie that constantly plays in our heads. We watch our demise over and over again. Sometimes it's terrible. Other times it feels like sweet relief.
Several years ago I was part of an amazing church in Atlanta. I co-led a non-profit organization and served in youth ministry; the students looked at me and came to me for wisdom. Nobody knew how hard I struggled. They never knew about the horror movie in my head.
One difficult Sunday, I sang Christian hymns with my students and did my best to keep my eyes on Jesus. I told Him I loved Him and would praise Him no matter what, even if I always felt that way. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the image of my body swinging from the rafters.
I didn't tell anyone.
Signs leading to suicide
, many people with suicidal thoughts have certain signs and signals. You need to distinguish them and be able to respond to them. If you think that thoughts of suicide are coming to a relative or friend, do not try to stay away and help them not to lead to suicide. Help the person find a solution to the problem and prove that you care. Or recommend the services of a specialist who will competently suggest ways out of the impasse.
Signs indicating possible suicide:
- conversation about the other world,
- desire to harm oneself,
- desire to kill yourself
- frequent thoughts or letters about death,
- searching for weapons or medicines for practical use.
“Just eating chocolate or having sex won’t work.”
Thanks to my mother, by the way, I went to a specialist. I remember once writing to my parents: “Please forgive me, but I don’t want to live anymore.” Then they took me home. There was such anxiety that I slept with my parents at night. You see, I'm 23 years old, and I sleep with my mother.
A couple of times at home I had two-day panic attacks, and after one of them, I came to my mother, lay down next to her and said: “Help me.” I remember how we lay and cried together, because neither of us knew what to do, and then I told her that I needed a doctor.
She began to find out, search and found a specialist who helped me. You think at the moment of depression that you are the only one who experiences this. And the doctor says: “Yes, I know what it is,” even this makes it easier.
With a psychotherapist, we found out the cause of my depression. At the moment when my loved one betrayed me, all my emotions resulted in a nervous breakdown, from which it all began. And the resentment I harbored played a cruel joke on me in the form of panic attacks.
Photo: © kinopoisk.ru
A psychologist or psychotherapist will definitely help, but advice from “friends” in the category of “pull yourself together” will not. It’s not that you can’t pull yourself together; depression is a disease. You can pull yourself together when you are upset or tired, but this is different. Depression is at the physiological level; the body does not produce serotonin [the “happiness hormone”], so eating a chocolate bar, having sex, or watching your favorite movie will not help. Depression needs to be treated.
Well, of course, you also need to “get ready” yourself. If you let everything take its course, you won’t be able to get out of it. My doctor prescribed me tranquilizers [drugs that relieve anxiety], but explained that there is no point in taking pills if you don’t work on yourself.
We can believe that God has abandoned us because we are so bad
The disease of lies. When healing doesn't come, it's easy to believe that God has left. And if we have been taught that depression and suicidal thoughts are sinful, selfish, or displeasing to God, we can trust that He is right in leaving us.
This is why we must treat depression and suicide with the same compassion as we treat other serious health problems. Kindness and encouragement from other believers is enriching and empowering; they prove God's presence and demonstrate his steadfast love.
You Can Truly Love Jesus and Be Depressed
If you are struggling, you must know that your life can be separated from his purpose and filled with opportunities to serve and bless others. You can still fight. Sometimes you may want to die, but you are no less loved, worthy, or faithful because of dark thoughts. And although you may not believe it, it is still possible to live a full, joyful life in the midst of depression.
This will require hard work and a lot of support from trained professionals. This will likely require therapy, digging into painful things, and possibly medication. But you can still have abundant life; I know because I know.
I must take my medications every day, spend time with Jesus in the morning, and go to therapy faithfully. I tell the people closest to me when I'm having hard days and dark thoughts because I'm determined that they won't win. And after years of my journey, I am still struggling. But my life is wonderful and I'm happy.
How to support loved ones of a dying person
So how can you support someone whose close friend or relative is dying? In general, all the universal advice from psychologists that we cited in the first part of our material is applicable here.
Let us only add that in the current realities, any serious illness means treatment costs, and considerable ones at that. In addition to words of support and consolation, it is worth “dropping in”, as much as you can, and simply handing it over with the words “we have collected some money, take it, it will not be superfluous.”
And it’s better to refrain from preliminary questions like “maybe I can help with money”? Most people are hesitant and embarrassed to ask for help until the very last moment, when it may be hopelessly late. It is better to show this initiative to the immediate circle of the person whose loved one is dying.
And, of course, people who have lost a close friend or relative require special attention and care.
