Depression. This word is increasingly found in everyday life of modern people. Today it is no longer a shame to talk about mental health, much less take care of it. According to WHO, 8 million people in Russia were diagnosed with depression last year. Surely, even more Russians do not turn to a specialist, attributing their condition to fatigue and stress. But why is this disorder dangerous and why can’t it be ignored?
The KV journalist turned to psychologist Aliya Mukhutdinova with questions about depression and talked with a girl who had been clinically diagnosed with this to find out why advice like “pull yourself together” does not help and what this mental disorder can turn into.
What is depression?
Depression is not just a bad mood, but a serious mental disorder characterized by persistent sadness and loss of interest in things that usually bring pleasure.
People often interpret a bad mood as depression. But in a healthy person, the mood worsens for objective reasons, for example, failure at work or a quarrel with a loved one; after some time, the sadness recedes and the person returns to normal life.
But if a bad mood accompanies a person for a long time, then we can already talk about the presence of depression. Symptoms of this disorder include loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, high anxiety, sleep problems, and intrusive thoughts about death.
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Martha [name changed], the heroine of this story, also came to the doctor with such symptoms. In the middle of our conversation with her, I regretted that I turned to her and “forced” her to relive all the worries again. The girl talked about her condition and cried, torn by the pain that she had once experienced.
But Martha herself reacted to her tears with joy, talking about how good it was that she was crying, because even negative emotions were now a gift for her.
Martha is 25 years old, she is a beautiful girl, slim and smiling. She makes new acquaintances with incredible ease and will always find cheerful company. Now Marta lives in Moscow and works as a choreographer in five children's schools. It is difficult to guess that once upon a time a real war with himself unfolded inside this man for five years.
Treatment of depression
If your mood is very low, it is important not to postpone your visit to a specialist, but to seek help in a timely manner. At the first meeting, the specialist will conduct a psychological diagnosis , after which he will determine the necessary methods of psychological assistance. It is very difficult, and sometimes impossible, to get rid of depression on your own, since special psychological defense mechanisms operate in the human psyche that do not allow a sober assessment of the situation, understanding the causes of the problem, or looking at the circumstances objectively. Our psyche is created in such a way that it distorts the perception of reality in a certain way, based on our upbringing, experience, habits and stereotypes.
It is important to know that traditionally in medical institutions all types of depression are treated with psychotropic drugs. In the case where depression is caused by psycho-emotional reasons (and this is the overwhelming number of requests), this approach has proven to be ineffective, because the very reason for the development of the disorder is not eliminated, but only the external manifestations of depression are artificially muffled. As a result, some time after the end of treatment, depression returns again. In addition, the use of psychotropic drugs entails side effects. Therefore, in addition to taking medications (antidepressants), qualified psychotherapy is very important.
“I didn’t want to live at all” - Martha’s story
Depression appeared gradually. When I was a student, I had a nervous breakdown due to the betrayal of a loved one, and that’s where it all started. Panic attacks came, and with them the fear of everything in general, self-doubt was a bonus. At first, it was simply scary to do those things in which I once had panic attacks, for example, to go somewhere.
Then it got worse. I woke up with anxiety, knowing that a panic attack would definitely happen today. And it happened - this is how psychosomatics works. Over time, the attacks took on an hour-long format, sometimes lasting two days. During this time, you cannot eat or drink. You are controlled by your fear, you don’t control yourself at all, you just exist and that’s it, you literally didn’t want to live at all.
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The most insidious thing about this state is that I had no faith that things could be different, that everything could work out. So, within a year I turned into a person in a vacuum. Wherever I am, I’m not there, I’m not with these people, I’m inside my head. It’s as if I’m sitting in a huge room and trying to convince myself not to be afraid.
I remember I also had days when I felt great, but this happened once a month. At such moments, I just lay down on the bed, closed my eyes and enjoyed it.
Over time, I lost interest in everything. I stopped persuading myself to go out somewhere, talk to someone, go somewhere. Thoughts that it will always be this way or worse have taken root. Any desire to live was gone. And my panic attacks turned into depression.
The only time I felt truly good was sleep. In a dream you don't think, you don't feel anything. Therefore, I constantly wanted to sleep and slept - at night, during the day, at any free time, just so as not to feel anxious.
If you don’t quit the business that made you burn out, what will happen?
This threatens that CMEA will turn into chronic fatigue. Errors will appear in the workplace, even radical ones. There can be health problems if you ignore your body's signals, even death. Because of such things, gastritis, ulcers, and oncology are formed. To the point that people, for example, in speaking professions, start to have a sore throat all the time. In sports, your legs fail.
Of course, people who do not have the experience of self-analysis and reflection can engage in self-deception. They become hostage to their own prejudices. For example, all my life my mother said that I needed to work in a factory. And there are terrible conditions, low wages. And now the opportunity arises to go into a commercial structure, but the person is convinced that it is bad there, he becomes hostage to prejudices from 30 years ago.
Painful indifference and loss of friends
So I graduated from university and started working as a children's choreographer. One day, we went with the children to a competition in another city. We drove about 50 kilometers, and I started having a panic attack. I want to run out, scream, cry. It's inexplicable, it's inside you, and it's killing you. I remember that I then called my parents and said that I would go out on the highway now and let them pick me up. In such a state, you can give up everything, the importance does not matter.
Then I realized that the worst thing is not physical pain or betrayal, the worst thing is indifference. You don’t care what you wear, what you eat, where you go, whether you miss deadlines or not.
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You are constantly trying to cling to at least some emotion, but you don’t care at all. That's why you completely lose the meaning of anything. You think, even if I have a job I love, even if I get a lot of money, even if I’m super famous, so what? What's next, what's the point?
Many friends abandoned me then. If I have always been a person who constantly gathered companies, danced at parties in the center of the dance floor and smoothed out all conflicts, then in a state of depression I was useless and difficult.
And even at that moment when I was losing friends, I didn’t feel anything. I wasn't interested. Of course, there were close friends who wanted to figure out what was wrong with me. Now I understand their value and significance in my life. Plus, everything that my parents went through makes me understand how dear they are to me.
“Just eating chocolate or having sex won’t work.”
Thanks to my mother, by the way, I went to a specialist. I remember once writing to my parents: “Please forgive me, but I don’t want to live anymore.” Then they took me home. There was such anxiety that I slept with my parents at night. You see, I'm 23 years old, and I sleep with my mother.
A couple of times at home I had two-day panic attacks, and after one of them, I came to my mother, lay down next to her and said: “Help me.” I remember how we lay and cried together, because neither of us knew what to do, and then I told her that I needed a doctor.
She began to find out, search and found a specialist who helped me. You think at the moment of depression that you are the only one who experiences this. And the doctor says: “Yes, I know what it is,” even this makes it easier.
With a psychotherapist, we found out the cause of my depression. At the moment when my loved one betrayed me, all my emotions resulted in a nervous breakdown, from which it all began. And the resentment I harbored played a cruel joke on me in the form of panic attacks.
Photo: © kinopoisk.ru
A psychologist or psychotherapist will definitely help, but advice from “friends” in the category of “pull yourself together” will not. It’s not that you can’t pull yourself together; depression is a disease. You can pull yourself together when you are upset or tired, but this is different. Depression is at the physiological level; the body does not produce serotonin [the “happiness hormone”], so eating a chocolate bar, having sex, or watching your favorite movie will not help. Depression needs to be treated.
Well, of course, you also need to “get ready” yourself. If you let everything take its course, you won’t be able to get out of it. My doctor prescribed me tranquilizers [drugs that relieve anxiety], but explained that there is no point in taking pills if you don’t work on yourself.
Requests for help Write your story My name is Bogdan, I am 22 years old. I'm tired of living, I'm tired of everything, I'm planning to commit suicide. This is not a spontaneous decision, I have thought about this many times since I was 18, but it didn’t work out. I feel like a stranger in this world, I haven’t learned to live, I have no friends, I once had school friends, but after school I pushed them away, the company of people began to irritate me, all this was intermittent, then I tried to join the student body again a couple of times, but it all ended with the fact that I have been sitting at home for the last 6 months and don’t communicate with anyone (I live with my mother, she doesn’t know about my problems, she’s all about work). Probably during all this time I have moved on my head, it’s easier for me to be alone, contact with others tires me, but prolonged loneliness is not a joy for me, but I still look for solitude, in general, I am a master of self-criticism. I haven't learned to overcome difficulties. At my age I have achieved nothing; I have 2 unfinished higher educations. I'm a weakling, a schmuck, a pimply loser let down in society, a vegetable unable to budge his ass and act. With my existence, I am burdening the lives of others. Thoughts about suicide have not left me for many years, but every time I went into the forest or onto the roof I was overcome by fear. Memories are a terrible thing, in the last moments, when it seems that I have already plucked up the courage to end everything, full of memories begin to creep into my head and I begin to think “maybe I can live a little more, maybe not everything is so bad, maybe I will improve and become diligent “, but no, every year everything only gets worse. If you are reading this message, it means I have finally decided to commit suicide. I don’t want to be locked in a fool’s house after this revelation, I’m not a child, at my age it’s too late to correct something. I drove myself into complete ass, this can’t be fixed. Others at my age are already educated, with a family, earn their own bread, live, develop, but I have remained at the level of development of a schoolchild, although over the years I have degraded and am now worse than a schoolchild. After everything, no one will look at me normally, the employer will not want to hire someone like me, two unfinished towers speak for themselves. You can also forget about your dream job, being a 3D artist, I never finished my work, no matter how hard I put in, I always gave up halfway, so unreliable. I have never traveled, I have not been abroad, I have not had fun like everyone else, I have not jumped with a parachute, I have not skied, I have not been to the mountains, I have not been to a water park, I have not been to a dolphinarium, I have not driven a car, I have not ridden a motorcycle. , didn’t fly on a plane, didn’t meet a girl, didn’t sail on a ship, didn’t go to Disneyland, didn’t ride a roller coaster, didn’t go to the concert of my favorite musical group, didn’t become a 3D artist as I dreamed and tried, couldn’t get a special education tower. tourism, there are so many things that I dreamed of, but for me all this is impossible. Everyone around is living and enjoying life. I think I lost the right to life as soon as I started thinking about death.
Bogdan, age: 22/05/21/2016
Responses:
Boy, do you have a terminal illness? Don't have a roof over your head? Are you disabled? Don't have any limbs? Do you owe a million dollars? Do you decide the fate of the country? Answer these questions for yourself and draw the right conclusions. Suicide is not a way to solve problems. This is a cowardly escape from difficulties. The most cowardly thing. Read articles from smart people here... Should our hockey players also commit suicide? Well, we lost... So what? So boy, take care of yourself before it's too late. Where do you see yourself in five years? Answer this question for yourself, set a goal and move towards it. Alcohol and drugs are not your friends, if anything. Forward to happiness!
Mikhail, age: 24/05/22/2016
Bogdan, the truth is that after death nothing ends. And if a person commits suicide, darkness, emptiness and nothingness do not come, but torment begins, and eternal. Why do you need it? Do not believe? Let us assume that this is so. AND? I think this is very scary. About the fact that you are a loser. I don’t know, I managed to get into two institutes. A lot of people have a hard time getting into technical school. One of my daughters is finishing the 9th grade with difficulty, she doesn’t want to study, it’s good if they take her to some college. By the way, I understand you very well - at one time I also left the Moscow Art Theater School and felt that my life was over. At all. And I left the most prestigious institute, and there was no young man, and I really didn’t like myself outwardly. I thought that everything was behind me (at 22 years old), that nothing good would definitely happen and in general everything was terrible. She indulged in self-criticism and did not want to live. She considered herself old! By the way, at 22 she had not been beyond any borders, she had not driven, she had not climbed mountains, she had not sailed on ships, she had not jumped with a parachute. And I haven’t even heard about water parks, Disneylands and dolphinariums, etc., like all Soviet youth. It's all nonsense. Bogdan, you know, it seems to me, what is your mistake? You want everything at once, you’ve painted yourself such an ideal picture of a hyper-successful guy and you suffer because you don’t measure up. And try to improve your life in small steps. By a little. By the way, why don’t you really become a 3D artist? Do something for this (you know what) little by little, but every day. Get passionate about it and don't regret not doing it. You shouldn’t think that everyone around you is extremely happy and content; many have problems. But when it comes to difficulties with relationships, help is needed. There is such a community "KoDA", 12-steps. It is absolutely free, for people who find it difficult to build relationships, who are mired in guilt and low self-esteem. This is help and support, this is hope, this is understanding, this is working on yourself, this is an opportunity to speak out. And this is an opportunity to change for the better. Read the materials, go to the group. https://12lib.wordpress.com/coda/ https://coda-spb.ru/steps.html Also search on the Internet. Bogdan, dear, you are thinking correctly in the forest or on the roof - everything can be changed. But only while we are alive. Well done for writing here. Everything will be fine.
Tatiana, age: 48 / 05/22/2016
Well, damn it, if you constantly think that you are a loser and a schmuck, and then also about suicide, then naturally nothing will work out for you. Simply because these thoughts take a lot of time and effort. I think you shouldn’t concentrate so much on your problems, you need to do something, work. And by the word “work” I didn’t mean that right now you need to go somewhere as a worker or a car wash. You need to work on yourself, educate yourself, get carried away, read. And most importantly, you have something that many people don’t have - a dream. You describe that many people have families, earnings, etc., but many (not all of course) simply live somehow by inertia; many, as a rule, have no goal. And you have a dream. Well then, implement it. 3D artist is awesome. And I don’t understand what it means “halfway”; if you’ve really gone halfway, then you’ll get through the second part. How can you even take it and leave it like that? Why are you quitting? If you put in the effort, everything is ok. Maybe you're just waiting for quick results? It won’t happen - changes in this case happen slowly. Just don’t expect that some nice things will come your way right away and you will quickly become a cool 3D artist: if you mess up, it will be difficult and incomprehensible, but overcoming all this, learning something, over time you will notice how you will begin to respect yourself and people will stop annoying you and a girl will appear . For me, this is a passed stage, I also gave up a lot of everything, and that’s why I thought that everything would somehow work itself out and there was no need to make any effort, then I realized that I was wrong. To summarize: you have a dream and you need to grab onto it, live for it and bring it to life - slowly, diligently, and everything else is just a bonus for your efforts. And don’t think about yourself, whenever such thoughts come like “I’m a loser” go outside, read a book, calm down and sit down to draw and study 3D PS I attach great importance to the dream and its implementation because I have seen how people abandoned their dreams, didn’t care about themselves and now lead a meaningless lifestyle, they don’t seem to complain, but some will regret it all their lives. And I have a dream :) You can also read the book: Frankl “say yes to life”, the title is of course kind of pop, but the book is good and I think it will make you think. All the best, everything will work out for you.
Dmitry, age: 25 / 05/22/2016
Bogdan, for God's sake, calm down. You talk like you're 90 years old. Yes, you are just emerging from childhood, it’s time to implement plans, ideas, and move towards goals. As they have already written to you, you are not disabled, not terminally ill, a normal, healthy guy, live and move forward, without feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t draw conclusions in advance; you haven’t even applied for a job, but you already know in advance that they won’t hire you. You can not do it this way! Believe in yourself!!! Forget the shortcomings! Life and health are the most valuable and most important! Forward and only forward!
Irina, age: 28/05/22/2016
Bogdan, why are you talking about yourself like that? Well, you can’t be as bad as you write about yourself. You didn’t kill anyone, you didn’t steal anything. Life is hard, you haven’t lived it all to know that you won’t succeed. One guy just came to my mind, he’s 24 years old, he didn’t go anywhere to study after school, but walked from St. Petersburg to Vladivostok and beyond. And you know, he is a kind-hearted person, like the sun for everyone, because he has a goal, even if not the same as everyone else’s, but it is his. It has been running both winter and summer for 2 years now. What I mean by this is so that you find a meaning for life.. You said that you have never traveled - it’s time, even without money, you can travel.. go ahead.. make yourself a list of what you haven’t done and from do the least... I really hope for you and believe in you, I believe that you can handle it... believe in yourself, there is a person who really needs you... don’t give up, Bogdan, you will succeed
Alexandra, age: 27 / 06/03/2016
There are different reasons for depression. If it weren’t for my strict mother, I probably would have been lost too. You just need to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Or google it yourself - character accentuations, neuroses, depression, bipolar disorder. All this can be accompanied by suicidal desires. If you don’t have money for treatment, then find your own medicine - distract yourself with creativity or a hobby. Try to constantly think about something positive. Get rid of self-flagellation. Good luck.
Ilona, age: 22 / 10/14/2016
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“We don’t want to be pitied, we want one thing - not to feel any of this”
But the effect of the tranquilizers seemed insufficient to me, and the doctor refused to prescribe stronger drugs. In his opinion, they would be unnecessary; he believed that I could cope on my own.
Then I found another specialist, told him my experiences vividly, and after the first consultation I received a prescription for good antidepressants. I didn’t go to his sessions anymore; in terms of consultations, he was useless to me. Then I finally felt that everything came together - a good drug and good recommendations from my first doctor.
After two weeks of taking antidepressants, I came to the conclusion that I needed to change my environment radically so that nothing would remind me of the past anymore. I jumped on the train and left for Moscow. I started to settle in a new city, looked for a job, performed new daily tasks, and it distracted me so much that I forgot that all this horror was happening to me.
Today I no longer take antidepressants. I realized that I was happy and didn’t want to go back to pills anymore. My eyes are burning, I started to live. I finally heard that little girl inside me who all this time said what she wanted, but I did what I needed to do. Society says “find a job”, “go earn money”.
I can’t say yet whether my depression is over or not. But now I breathe differently, and I want to do something, and my thoughts are clean, fresh. I want to hug and give kindness.
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I probably would never have appreciated life so much if it weren’t for my depression. All the panic attacks were a great experience for me. Now, when I see that children are arguing in my class or, for example, no one is talking to one of the girls, I just gather all the guys and start talking to them. I explain to them that a person needs a person. I believe this is my mission, and I am obliged to respond to such situations.
I noticed that I spend more time with withdrawn children than with others. I involuntarily compare them to myself then, when I was depressed.
As a person who managed to get out of a deep psychological hole, I will give you one piece of advice. You don't even have to take everything I said above seriously. But never, hear, never say to people with mental disorders the phrases “You just like to suffer” or “You just want to be pitied.” It is not true. We don’t want to be pitied, we want one thing - not to feel any of this.
Can you diagnose depression yourself?
It is clear from history that you need to initially be more attentive to your mental health. And not because it is fashionable today, but because depression can steal years and years of life, poisoning and killing a person. But a depressed state does not always indicate depression, so you should be careful with self-diagnosis and even more so with self-medication.
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Psychologist Aliya Mukhutdinova assures that you can undergo primary diagnosis yourself using the Beck or Zang Depression Scale test. These tests were based on clinical observations that helped identify key manifestations of depression.
However, whatever the result of these tests, you cannot self-medicate on its basis. You need to contact a specialist - a psychiatrist or psychotherapist - so that the doctor makes the correct diagnosis and draws up a treatment program.
“With a mild degree of depression, it is still possible to correct the situation only with psychotherapeutic methods, but when it comes to a severe form, you cannot do without pills,” says Mukhutdinova.
Signs of Depression
“Loss of joy” in psychological language is called depression . Signs of depression include:
- Depressed mood for more than 7-10 days;
- Decreased vital activity;
- Loss of appetite;
- Sleep disturbance;
- Poor health – lethargy, apathy, drowsiness, disturbances at the level of the gastrointestinal tract;
- Decreased sexual desire;
- Inhibition at the level of feelings and thoughts.
Such a psychological difficulty can be either mild in nature, easily amenable to psychological correction, or be a mental illness (in medical language it is called endogenous depression). Most often, depression is caused by purely psychological reasons, when the help of a clinical psychologist or psychotherapist is required.
What happens if…?
According to the doctor, if a person ignores or hides his depressive state from others, trying to live as before, this can have the most severe consequences: personal degradation in professional and family terms, the emergence of addiction to alcohol and drugs, the emergence of suicidal thoughts and attempts to commit suicide.
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You can support and, perhaps, alleviate a depressed person’s condition by simply participating in his life. You just need to not ignore his feelings, showing that you understand his problems and accept the person as such.
“You support and encourage a person’s desire to share their emotions and thoughts. Instead of abstract phrases, offer concrete actions. For example, instead of “Call if you need anything,” it’s better to say, “When you get ready to see the doctor, call me, I’ll take you,” the psychologist instructs.
