Why a person is angry: the main reasons and rules for communicating with him

• August 29, 2018
• Psychology of conflict
• Alina Pogodina

Human relationships are a delicate and scrupulous process on which a lot depends. For example, how a person feels, how he communicates with people, and much more depends on this factor. Have you ever wondered why a person is evil? It is worth understanding the main reasons for his bad mood.

He's two-faced

Yes, such people often surprise with their masks. And that is why it is so difficult to immediately calculate their hardness of heart. They love to please everyone (we will talk about this in more detail in the next paragraph) and therefore at the beginning of acquaintance you will never see his dark side, he will diligently cover it with his “white mask”. If, nevertheless, the true face accidentally appears out in some outburst of rage that he cannot control, he will apologize for a long time and shout that he was not himself, this usually does not happen to him and he himself did not know that created. They are distinguished theatergoers and at such moments they are ready to lose their pride and portray a person unhappy and so depressed by what happened that he will ask for forgiveness and perhaps even shed a tear, which usually bribes the one who witnessed his cruelty, the victim believes that he is so sincerely repentant a person really could not express himself in such a way.

Only those closest to him can see his real face . And not only do they suffer from the fact that there is a cruel person next to them who brings a lot of pain, but usually no one believes them when they try to complain to others about this person, because with strangers he is such a sweetheart, no one ever will think that he can behave the way you say. And most likely you will be labeled a liar and a slanderer who is trying to discredit such a good person.

How to communicate with an angry person?

Most likely, there is a person in everyone's life who is always angry. How to communicate with him? Communication should be built on several simple principles:

• It is not recommended to respond to aggression with aggression. The only thing that can be achieved in this case is to aggravate the conflict situation.
• If a loved one is always in a bad mood, then you should offer him help. First of all, it is necessary to find out what happened in his life, which is why he behaves this way. After this, you need to try to solve the problem together.

Surprisingly, sometimes a simple conversation is enough to make a person feel better. He will speak out, relax, and his mood will noticeably improve. But if a person resists conversation, you should not insist; it is better to leave the interlocutor alone, alone with his thoughts.

Wants to please everyone around him

Such people are so afraid to show their true colors that they are ready to do anything in order to be good in the eyes of others - lies, endless proof, etc. Very often they take pity , telling tearful stories from their past and justifying their unsightly actions with psychological trauma from them, or simply sharing their sob stories to evoke compassion and sympathy. Moreover, half of these stories can be made up or turned in a different direction, naturally, beneficial for him; they are excellent at distorting facts . For example, he can tell with tears in his eyes how a woman cheated on him and now because of this he is so jealous and distrustful, although in fact it was he who cheated on her, and he has always been a pathological jealous person.

The funny thing is that such people try to look white and fluffy in front of absolutely everyone , even if it is a complete stranger whom he will never see again. Sometimes you get the feeling that by making excuses to them, they are, as it were, making excuses to themselves.

Emotional distance

It is easy to physically distance yourself from a cruel prankster when he is a casual acquaintance or a new friend. But what if a sarcastic, insidious person is your colleague, whose face you see 40 hours a week? Or, even more unpleasantly, your immediate boss?

In this case, you need to learn to emotionally distance yourself and close yourself off. At the same time, you can continue to have dry and polite communication with the person about work. But any attempts to take the conversation into a personal direction must be firmly but correctly stopped.

If a colleague’s outrageous behavior does not stop, you can and should contact your immediate superior to resolve the conflict situation. And if the source of ridicule is the boss himself, it makes sense to think about looking for a new job, temporarily putting an internal block on all the jokes he makes.

Never admits his mistakes

Abusive people almost never admit to their own mistakes. They will foam at the mouth to prove that they are right, blame anyone around them, but will not admit to their own mistakes. In general, their main strategy in disputes is attack, rather than constructive dialogue and listening to the other side. It is not so important for him to achieve the truth as to blame his opponent for everything by any means and make him the culprit of the entire situation.

READ ALSO: Characteristics and compatibility with other signs of the Aquarius man

In Vasmer Max's dictionary

evil evil, evil, evil, evil, evil, ukr. evil, other Russian, old Slav. зълъ, зъла, зло πονηρός, κακός (Supr.), Bulgarian. evil, adv. evil, Serbohorv. zao, evil, evil, sloven. zǝ̀l, zlà, Czech., Slavic. zlý, Polish zɫу, v.-luzh., n.-luzh. zɫу “evil”. Related Lit. atžū́las, atžūlùs “callous, inhumane”, įžūlùs “annoying, insolent, rude”, Avest. zūrah-, cf. R. “injustice”, new-pers. zūr “false, lie”; with another alternation: lit. žvalùs “agile”, žvilavo – 3. l. units part last vr. "bowed", ltsh. zvel̂t, zvel̨u, zvēlu “roll, tilt”, Old Indian. hvárati, hválati “walks crooked paths, winds, stumbles, falls,” Avest. zbaraiti – the same, osset. æwzær "bad"; see Bezzenberger, BB 21, 316; Trautman, KZ 43, 173; BSW 372 et seq.; M.–E. 4, 770; Rozvadovsky, RO 1, 104; Buga, RFV 75, 155; Levy, ZfslPh 1, 416; Uhlenbeck, Aind. Wb. 363. Ilyinsky (RFV 61, 227) incorrectly separates slavs. words from the rest and connects zal with nazol “grief”, Greek. χόλος "bile".

He doesn't feel guilty

Cruel people not only do not admit their guilt out loud, but they also do not sincerely feel it themselves. They always believe that even in their obviously unsightly actions, someone else is to blame (“I was provoked,” “he started it first,” etc.). Moreover, they will manipulate the facts in any way they like and turn them in the right direction in order to prove not only to everyone, but also to themselves, their infallibility. And they lie so much that they themselves believe it.

Moreover, this applies to all areas of life. Someone is also usually to blame for his problems and failures - a neighbor, the government, a boss, a wife, but not him, no. He is perfect.

Reason from childhood

Anger can be not only temporary, but also permanent. For a long time, experienced psychologists could not answer the question of why people are envious and angry. As we found out, in most cases, childhood trauma is to blame. Perhaps someone greatly offended the person in childhood or his closest friend betrayed him. It is worth noting that in large families it is often the older children who feel deprived. Parents give birth to a small baby, they pay more attention to it, while the older child feels uncomfortable. Anger and hatred begin to accumulate, and as a result, a person looks at the world with completely different eyes.

The solution to this problem is quite simple - a person just needs attention and care. You need to appreciate and respect him, then your attitude towards others will become completely different.

He enjoys seeing others' misfortune and pain.

Even if they try to express some kind of regret, in fact they are triumphant because the person is feeling bad. This is very clearly demonstrated by the fact that all their advice is, in fact, if you think about it, useless, condolences are on duty, and offers of help will probably never be implemented . Because such a person does not want to sincerely help you, but is simply once again trying to look good in your eyes.

In addition, they are cruel in their treatment of those who are weaker than them . For example, with animals. And this gives them away very much. Yes, he can punish him for an offense or prank, but look with what pleasure and frenzy he does this, and, moreover, he usually goes too far and punishes much more seriously than the offense is worth.

Why people are so angry: the main reasons and mechanism of action

Psychologists call the deviant behavior of people who are constantly angry and experience negative emotions neurotic. Every person at least once in his life had to communicate with a cashier, secretary, salesman, conductor who behaved defiantly, yelled, was rude and rude. People with neurotic behavior give a situation a meaning that is completely different from what it actually has in reality. They do not try to fulfill their direct responsibilities as best as possible, but try in every way available to them to demonstrate to others their power over them.

Why is this happening? Experts say that people with neurotic behavior in childhood, adolescence, adolescence or adulthood were often insulted and humiliated. Therefore, their language of communication with the people around them became the option “weakness or strength”: either they will crush me, or I will crush them.

Sigmund Freud first spoke about this, who described in detail the mechanism of action of this behavior, which later became known as “projection.” Once upon a time, an evil person experienced a negative experience and received moral trauma, which he still cannot get rid of. This experience forces the neurotic to be constantly on the alert and attack first. He knows very well that the best defense is attack.

When an angry person lets off steam, he experiences relief and pleasure. But this phenomenon is short-term in nature, because he will never be able to get to the bottom of it and solve his true problem in this way. Some time will pass, and he will again begin to humiliate other people, demonstrate to them his superiority, cling to trifles and use his power to take it out on people who are unaware of the true reasons for this behavior.

Evil people very rarely turn to psychologists for help. But in vain! If a person with neurotic behavior is not afraid to look into his past and, together with a specialist, figure out the problem that is preventing him from living normally, then the situation can be changed for the better.

He is only interested in his own needs, he is deaf to the needs of others

Actually, this follows from the previous sign. Why would he listen to your needs and your opinions if he doesn't want to bring anything good into your life? Therefore, he will either remain deaf to them, or do the opposite and say that this happened and he could not have done otherwise.

But cruel people are also able to masterfully hide this trait when they need it. For example, when a situation is beneficial for them, it is necessary to attract a person, they are ready to support his opinion, listen and assent to every word . But don’t flatter yourself - this will only happen as long as this person needs you and your favor for some purpose.

In the dictionary of Synonyms 2

• adj1. malicious, unkind, unkind, malicious, feisty, bitter, embittered, filled with a feeling of ill will, hostility (about a person) 2. ferocious, fierce, showing malice (about an animal) 3. strong, angry, picky, caustic (about tobacco, mustard)4. angry, fierce, cruel, ferocious, very strong (about wind, frost, blizzard)5. angry, pouty • adj1. angry, fierce, cruel, ferocious, very strong (about wind, frost, blizzard) 2. malicious, unkind, unkind, malicious, feisty, bitter, embittered, filled with a feeling of ill will, hostility (about a person) 3. ferocious, fierce, showing malice (about an animal) 4. strong, angry, picky, caustic (about tobacco, mustard)5. angry, pouty

Wants to control everything and becomes aggressive and vindictive if things don’t go according to his plan

Moreover, both your own life and the lives of people nearby. They usually like everyone to play by their rules, and these rules are often quite strict, because cruel people are very pedantic and want every thing to be in its place, every person to strictly fulfill the role assigned to him, which the pedant himself for him invented. Therefore, everyone is subject to total control, from a life partner, who becomes a victim of eternal checks and outbursts of jealousy, to relatives, subordinates, etc.

They are able to lose their temper when something does not happen according to plan and bring down all their anger on the poor guy who was not lucky enough to be the cause of it (and since, as we remember, they certainly blame someone for all problems another, and not yourself, such a culprit is almost always found). Moreover, the more trauma the “culprit” inflicted, the more anger will be poured out on him. Sometimes cruel people, driven by a sense of revenge, are ready to devote almost their entire lives to ruining the life of another who hurt him, even if he did it unintentionally or he himself provoked him to such an act. Moreover, they do not disdain any methods to achieve their goal of revenge .

READ ALSO: Why a man doesn’t want a serious relationship, but doesn’t let go: advice from psychologists

Meaning of the word "evil"

Tends to talk about others and gossip

They tend to discuss everyone around them (naturally, in a negative light), spread gossip and pour bile and poison on everyone they meet.

By this sign, you can quite identify a cruel person, just listen carefully to how he speaks about those around him. It’s one thing when he doesn’t like the elected representatives from his circle, and another thing when everything happens, even without any particular reason, or for far-fetched and concocted reasons. He may not even really know the person, but he automatically doesn’t like him anymore and he will find a reason to say nasty things about him .

In addition, if an ordinary person expresses his opinion relatively indifferently or even with regret that he was disappointed in a person, then someone prone to harshness will speak with frenzy, using all sorts of gross insults and as if experiencing physical pleasure from what he is saying .

Why is the man angry?

Why do people become angry, and men in particular? There are many factors that cause a representative of the stronger half of humanity to become in a bad mood. It is worth highlighting several of the most common ones.

1. Lack of female attention. A man is a living being controlled by hormones. When there is an excess of them, a person begins to constantly experience a feeling of apathy, he becomes prone to depression and sudden mood swings.
2. It is common for a man to work hard, because it is inherent in nature that he is the breadwinner in the family. But due to physical stress and fatigue, a man may begin to break down and look at the world around him negatively.
3. Diffidence. By nature, a man must be a leader and achieve success in life. But his desires do not always coincide with reality. Accordingly, the man experiences a feeling of inferiority, which is why he becomes aggressive.

First you need to find out why the person is evil. Next, based on the reason for his anger, you need to try to resolve this problem. Accordingly, if he lacks attention, then you need to introduce him to a nice girl. If he is tired, he needs to take a day off and devote it to proper sleep and rest. If he experiences self-doubt, it is recommended to attend courses to improve self-esteem.

He enjoys humiliating others

Actually, this is directly related to pleasure from someone else's pain. But it is a sign that is worth highlighting, since it is by it that a cruel person can be identified especially easily.

They usually have a specific sense of humor . At least, this is how others and themselves explain it. But in fact, constant attempts to make unpleasant jokes at a person, especially in public, to put him in an unsightly light, are completely conscious actions. Moreover, they do not shun the most acute and painful topics for humans. Do not hope that, having revealed your secret to such a person and made it clear to him that this is very important to you and brings you the greatest pain, he will not use it in the future and will avoid this topic in his jokes. No, on the contrary, he will use it, knowing that it will give you the most unpleasant sensations. If you try to appeal to his conscience, he will pretend to be a fool, saying, he didn’t think that it would be unpleasant for you, or he will even make you feel guilty that you don’t understand jokes or are offended by little things. It is very comfortable.

How to develop a sense of kindness

Psychologists recommend carefully choosing your social circle, giving preference to positive, friendly, kind-hearted people. The social environment and surroundings have a significant impact on a person and can change his psychotype even in adulthood. Basic principles of working on yourself:

• To be polite. Remember to use polite words, which include “thank you,” “thank you,” “please,” “excuse me,” “excuse me.” Give compliments to loved ones, colleagues, and friends more often.
• Smile, perceive the world around you positively, treat other people with understanding and compassion. The right attitude will help you avoid negative emotions. Give your smile to those around you, and a positive response will warm you up on the stormiest day.
• Provide assistance to people in need (whenever possible). You don’t have to devote your whole weekend to working at a hospice or volunteering to help socially maladjusted people in everyday life. Elementary acts of kindness are expressed in simple acts. You can move an elderly person across a busy highway, offer to carry a heavy bag to a woman with a stroller, or give up a seat in public transport or in a queue if someone is late. Approving words and moral support provided to colleagues, relatives, and friends who find themselves in difficult life situations are a powerful tool for self-education that works flawlessly.
• Correct moments of bad mood. If for any reason there is a feeling of dissatisfaction, annoyance, disappointment, dissatisfaction with yourself or the actions of others, you should not give in to negative emotions. It is much more useful to focus on the positive moments in life, even if they are insignificant.
• Show tolerance. If the behavior of other people irritates and causes rejection, this is not a reason to condemn and blame.
• Develop empathy (the ability to empathize). The easiest way to express sympathy is to tell the person that you understand his condition and feelings. If you bring the habit to automaticity, a feeling of real compassion for others will come. The psychological technique of self-hypnosis works. When a person repeats any phrase 10 times, he begins to believe in it.
• Learn to mentally put yourself in someone else's shoes. If a colleague, relative, or acquaintance behaves in a way that makes you angry, you need to imagine yourself in his place for a minute and try to understand the reasons for his actions.
• Be grateful. Any positive action addressed to you should be accepted with gratitude. If there is no one to thank, then we are talking about selective perception of external information, when the bad is taken into account and the good is ignored.

The main rule that you need to remember when trying to be calmer and kinder to people is free, selfless participation in their fate, as Christian wisdom teaches, after doing good, you don’t need to expect gratitude. If negative emotions run high, a few simple tips will come in handy to tell you how to release your anger:

He has double standards

They usually very harshly and adamantly declare some of their life views, but in fact, they usually make these demands only on others, and not on themselves , and, moreover, they can change in accordance with his benefit and depending on situations.

For example, at the very beginning, he can tell his woman that he believes that the main thing in a relationship is fidelity and honesty, and he himself will recklessly cheat and lie, but ask his wife to fulfill the initially stated demands.

In addition, in any situation, he can twist his own words and statements in a way that is convenient for him, and naturally interpret the same act committed by him and another person differently , in his direction.

Tight control

Evil toxic people are very jealous, they are typical owners. They consider their soulmate, friend or comrade as a thing. They behave with a person like a child with a toy, they are treated like a thing, and not like living people. They do not want to share with anyone everything that they consider theirs. With such a toxic person, you feel trapped in a small space or in a vice. These people may not give freedom or limit it.

If the relationship has gone too far, smart toxic people can act differently: they give freedom, and then take it away again. This behavior causes the victim to become even more attached to his tormentor.