I can't relax during sex. How to learn to enjoy sex

Many of our fellow citizens are trying to convince others and themselves in particular, of their relaxedness, which corresponds to the modern world. Absolute freedom of thought, jokes on “slippery” topics, free discussion in the company of friends of different sexes of numerous porn films watched.

But most people have such bravado only in words. Therefore, when it comes directly to sexual fun, self-confidence gallops on a dashing horse in a direction unknown to anyone. So are there any effective tips on how to relax during sex?

Source of the problem

In order not to complain that I can’t relax during sex, you need to understand why this happens. The reasons may be as follows.

Diseases of the reproductive system. In this case, it is worth examining a specialist.

Incompatibility with partner. During intimacy, he commits the wrong actions.

Psychological complexes. Many people are simply unhappy with their appearance. They may feel self-conscious about their face or body, even if there is nothing wrong with it, so they cannot relax.

Extraneous thoughts. After a difficult and hard day at work, intimacy is usually so banal, boring and unpleasant that you don’t want to engage in it. This can be fully explained. Thoughts about business simply prevent you from thinking about your partner and focusing on your feelings.

It's not the time. If intimacy occurs at the wrong time, then it is very difficult to relax and tune in to pleasure. Because of the lack of timing, thoughts arise: “Why don’t I feel anything during sex?”

Wrong place. Of course, the reason is quite ambiguous. There is simply no universal and ideal place. However, where exactly partners place love greatly influences the sensations experienced.

You can fix the problem by finding out the real cause. Perhaps in your case there will be several of them. Listen to effective recommendations on how to learn to enjoy sex and relax during it.

Psychotherapist's explanations2

Experienced psychotherapist Olga Miloradova is not only ready to present effective recommendations for getting rid of fears, but also explains their origin quite clearly. Thus, the majority of our compatriots did not have the slightest idea about sex until they themselves “grew to bed age.” Isolated examples of “observation” of parents or older brother (sister) having sex should not be taken into account.

In most cases, we learned everything about sex from movies, which directly influenced the idea of what real sex should actually be like. But, unfortunately, when watching another film (it doesn’t matter whether it’s a romantic melodrama or porn filled with more than intimate scenes), not everyone thinks about the fact that they contain standards that are impossible to implement in real life. By the way, most of them in real life are not only inappropriate, but also dangerous. Despite this, many still, in spite of everything, try to bring all the “cinema” passions to life.

Love yourself

To make love happily and enjoy intimacy, you need to accept yourself as you are. If, after an objective assessment, you realize that you have shortcomings, then immediately begin making efforts to get rid of them. Go for a massage, go to a beauty salon, play sports or undergo useful procedures. If you have an imperfect figure, remember that your partner still paid attention to you. Perhaps, on the contrary, he likes some flaw. You need to understand this and love yourself.

How to avoid pain during intercourse

In order to avoid such a problem, special attention should be paid to maintaining personal hygiene rules. Gynecologists recommend using specialized products

How to deal with pain during sex? Vaginal burning. The most effective methods of struggle

intended for intimate hygiene of delicate places - washing gels that maintain the natural acidic environment of the vagina can not only provide cleanliness and comfort, but also serve as a preventive measure for diseases such as bacterial vaginosis, thrush and others. If, during deep penetration of your partner, a sharp pain is felt on one side of the pelvis, then this is the first sign of a cyst. In most cases, the cyst goes away on its own, but if the pain recurs, it is still better to consult a doctor.

If during intimacy you have the feeling that your partner is “bumping into an invisible obstacle,” then this may be the first sign of fibroids.

Fibroma is a small benign tumor that can be found in every fourth woman.

It is worth starting to treat such a tumor immediately.

If you constantly experience pain in the genital area, and while sitting or even standing you feel an unpleasant burning sensation, then this may be a sign of a disease such as vulvodynia. Vulvodynia is a chronic inflammation of the nerve endings of the vulva. Vulvodynia is not associated with infection, allergies, trauma or other identifiable factors; the problem may arise due to incorrectly selected intimate hygiene products. In order to get rid of pain and burning, you should pay attention to softer and gentle hygiene gels.

Expert opinion

It is important to consider that along with the physical causes of painful sex, there are also psychological aspects that cause discomfort during intimacy. To solve them, you may need to consult a psychologist, psychotherapist, or sexologist.

Obstetrician-gynecologist of the highest category Oksana Anatolyevna Gartleb

If you experience pain during sexual intercourse, it is recommended to consult a doctor

In any case, as soon as you first feel discomfort during intimacy, you should immediately seek help from a specialist. Do not rush to blame your sexual partner, since in 90% of situations he is not at all to blame for the pain that you experience.

Also, it is worth remembering that any gynecological disease is much easier to prevent than to cure. And in order to expose yourself to as little risk as possible, pay special attention to regular intimate hygiene. Be healthy and happy!

Place and time

You can choose absolutely any place. The main thing is that it is comfortable and enjoyable for both partners. Many people like the classic option - a soft, warm and cozy bed that allows you to completely relax.

Others, on the contrary, need a shake-up, so they prefer the most unexpected places (elevators, fitting rooms, parks, etc.). Why not try it? Just be vigilant and do not go beyond the bounds of decency.

When is the best time to have sex? Experts recommend engaging in intimate intimacy spontaneously, and not according to plan. For example, invite your partner to take a bath together - water procedures will definitely end with sex, which will bring pleasure. Or give your other half a passionate, long kiss before going to bed. It will excite not only your partner, but also you.

Causes of pain during intimacy?

There are numerous causes of painful sexual intercourse, both medical, physiological, and psychogenic and emotional. These include genitourinary infections (candidiasis, chlamydia, trichomonas, urinary tract infections), endometriosis, tumors, xerosis (dryness, especially after menopause).

A particularly common cause of pain in the genitals among postmenopausal women is a lack of estrogen. Meanwhile, vaginal dryness is also common among lactating women.

If you have the problem of vaginal dryness, the most effective and safe way to eliminate it is the use of moisturizing intimate gels, which will quickly restore a feeling of comfort.

It is better to use gels based on medicinal plants, which are safe for use even during pregnancy and breastfeeding and have no side effects. In addition, it is important to compensate for the lack of natural vaginal secretions directly during sexual intercourse. To do this, it is recommended to use special products - for example, Gynocomfort Intimate Gel-Lubricant. Created by specialists from the pharmaceutical company VERTEX and having a balanced composition, this lubricant ensures comfortable gliding during friction. The product has all the necessary documents and certificates.

If there is irritation on the genitals, and any touch is unpleasant to you, this may be the first sign of thrush. Thrush, or vaginal candidiasis, is a disease of the vaginal mucosa caused by a pathological increase in the number of fungi of the genus Candida, which are normally part of the vaginal microflora. Thrush often spreads to the mucous membrane of the external genitalia. Why does candidiasis develop and what are the risk factors for its occurrence?

Changes in a woman's hormonal levels. During pregnancy, vulvovaginal candidiasis occurs 2–3 times more often than in non-pregnant women.
Taking oral contraceptives (estrogens and progestogens).
Conditions leading to suppression of the immune system of the macroorganism: hypovitaminosis, chronic diseases, injuries, surgeries, taking corticosteroids.
Diabetes.
Antibiotic therapy: imbalance of the vaginal flora - suppression of the growth of not only pathogenic, but also saprophytic microflora (lactobacillus) reduces the protective role of the vaginal ecosystem.
Wearing nylon and tight clothing increases the temperature in the intimate area, which creates favorable conditions for the growth and reproduction of fungi.
Incorrectly selected soap, shower gel.

Expert opinion

Among many women, there is a common misperception of candidiasis as a sexually transmitted disease. Actually this is not true. Microorganisms Candida Albicans are opportunistic and are present in small quantities in the healthy vaginal biocenosis, so they cannot be sexually transmitted.

Obstetrician-gynecologist of the highest category Oksana Anatolyevna Gartleb

Don't think about anything

It's difficult to have sex when different thoughts are running through your head. At least for a while, forget about everyday affairs, worries and problems. Drive away extraneous thoughts, switch to your partner and your feelings. If this is very difficult for you to do, remember some pleasant moments that are associated with sex. For example, it could be an unforgettable night in which you had the most fun.

Also try not to worry about the fact that your partner will soon experience an orgasm during sex, and in the meantime you will be left without him. Understand that the main thing is not this, but the process itself. In addition, intimacy can be repeated after some time. And this is not necessarily sex in the classical sense. Petting and oral sex will also bring a lot of pleasure.

Reasons for withdrawing from your partner

Any relationship is built, first of all, on trust. A feeling of complete calm allows you to verify your partner’s honesty and integrity. It is directly related to a sense of security and helps to build a strong union.

Why do some women reveal all their secrets and desires to their partner from the first minutes, while others find it difficult to do this even after years of relationship?

There are 3 main reasons for isolation:

Fear of losing a man. Fearing to be left alone, a woman has to dodge, embellish or hush up some facts of her biography.
Feelings of shame or guilt. Shame causes discomfort. It blocks a woman’s behavior and makes her sensitive to the assessments of others, especially her man.
Ignorance of oneself. A strong, trusting relationship with a partner is only possible if we are talking about two mature personalities who know what they want. Every person must first know himself.

The reasons for isolation are, first of all, a person’s inability to cope with his “inner demons”: shame, fears, complexes and guilt.

To build a strong relationship with a partner and open up to him, you first need to know your own “I”, accept it and learn to interact with it.

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Get ready for sex

Most often, a woman cannot relax during sex. This is explained by the fact that a woman needs to prepare and tune in to receive pleasure. The sensations you get will largely depend on this. If you get down to business with a clear understanding that heavenly pleasure will soon come, then it will be so.

However, you need to realize that sex is not necessarily an orgasm. Of course, for many it is some kind of end point, pinnacle, peak of the process. But it’s definitely not worth making love just for him. Intimacy may not result in orgasm if the partner is tired or very excited due to everyday activities. Therefore, you need to enjoy the process, concentrate on the sensations and enjoy every moment, and not wait for the orgasm to come.

Causes of constant tension and fatigue

There are a variety of reasons why we may constantly feel tense and tired. The most common are:

heavy work loads;
conflicts, quarrels with colleagues and loved ones;
material difficulties and force majeure cases;
stress due to negative news;
nervous stress resulting from continuous noise;
constant negative thoughts.

As a result of the factors described above, there is an internal accumulation of negative energy, which exerts powerful psychological pressure. In addition, at the level of instincts, our body tries to protect itself from the negativity it receives. Ultimately, muscle tightening occurs, we are tormented by constant insomnia and pain in various organs.

Residents of large cities experience the effects of stressful situations more than others. This happens because the speed of life is too fast. Therefore, it is especially important to know how to learn how to quickly relax so as not to waste precious time. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for our body to cope even with ordinary activities.

Benefits of brain relaxation activities:

significant improvement in mental and physical health;
decreased heart rate (heart rate);
reduction in the volume of metabolic oxygen consumption;
muscle relaxation;
restoration and normalization of sleep;
reducing anxiety, dealing with stressful situations;
getting rid of feelings of fatigue;
mood lifting;
increased productivity;
increasing the ability to think creatively.

Don't rule out foreplay

A very important part of preparing for lovemaking is foreplay. Moreover, women need much more time to “warm up”. When a man experiences an orgasm, his partner is just beginning to approach the peak of pleasure, so do not forget about foreplay. Pay special attention to the erogenous zones, and then you will make sure that girls moan during sex. Why don't you try making foreplay longer? This is a very useful recommendation.

Exercise

Getting pleasure largely depends on the preparation of the vaginal muscles. This is because sensations and orgasm are the result of their contractions. To increase the sensitivity of the pelvic organs, you need to ensure a flow of blood to them. This can be achieved through training. Abdominal exercises will give good results. They will tighten the muscles and ensure proper positioning and support of the uterus. Kegel exercises are very useful, the effectiveness of which has long been proven. Their meaning is that you need to consistently strain and contract the vaginal muscles.

Study the body

If even you are not familiar with your body, then your partner does not know much. He simply has nowhere to get information about which “buttons to press” in order to deliver true pleasure. Only through trial and error can you figure out how to completely relax during sex. Therefore, study your body, look for your erogenous zones. This can be done alone if you are shy, or with a partner. The latter option will be more enjoyable and exciting.

Feel free to ask your other half to look for your erogenous points with you. He will definitely be carried away by the idea and will do it with enthusiasm and selflessness. Just don’t forget to show your partner that he hit the target. This can be done through words or strong expressions of emotion.

Feel free to make sounds

Loud sighs and moans are a great way to communicate with each other during lovemaking. They help express desire, excitement and pleasure. Experts note that men and women who prefer to have “loud” sex are more sexually satisfied. This can rarely be said about those who indulge in pleasure in silence. Moans help convey information about preferences to your partner, indicating the most pleasant moments.

Have you ever wondered why girls moan during sex? It has long been proven that women use vocalization in bed to achieve orgasm. Loud sounds help saturate with oxygen and automatically increase pleasure, thereby bringing you closer to the peak point faster. Moreover, girls are well aware that men find sighs and moans very exciting. Therefore, they successfully use this to stir up the interest of their chosen one, speed up orgasm and increase his self-esteem. So don't be shy about making sounds during sex.

If you often think: “I can’t relax during sex,” then think about the technique of making love itself. Perhaps you are doing something wrong, although this concept is purely individual and quite flexible.

The main mistakes during oral sex

1. “You know better what pleases your partner.” Instead of co-creating and exploring how best to pleasure each partner, the man or woman comes from their own “knowledge.” “I know she (he) will definitely like it!” As a result, sex turns into something very strange.

Article on the topic

The feeling is not the same. How to get rid of boredom in the bedroom?

2. “Too fast/slow.” The rhythm is too fast or, conversely, slow, the pressure is incorrect. The couple needs to find these parameters on their own. There can be no ready-made recipe; all people have different preferences.

3. “I don’t want to, but if you ask...” Excessive theatricality. If you don’t like or don’t want to do something specific in bed, then it’s unlikely to please your partner. Who likes it when something is done under pressure?

4. “The same thing again.” Lack of variety. Focusing on one method leads to boredom and stagnation. From oral, vaginal sex, from caresses with hands or special devices from a sex shop, the sensations are different. Well, it’s almost like fried, boiled and baked potatoes have different tastes.

Rhythm and breathing

Rhythm in sex is very individual. Some people like slower, softer, neater and gentle movements. Others prefer sharp and quick thrusts. When you make love, pay attention to which option you like best. This will help you relax and experience pleasure.

Proper breathing is also of great importance for obtaining true pleasure. When enough oxygen reaches the body tissues, they receive everything they need. If you take the deepest possible breaths, blood will flow to the pelvis, and the sensations experienced will become not superficial, but more vivid.

Poses

Choose the best positions during sex that you think are the most enjoyable. For example, for maximum penetration, the man stands behind him, and the woman takes a knee-elbow position. In common parlance this position is known as “doggy style”. To feel your partner with your whole body, to enjoy kisses and tactile contact, it is better to make love missionary style. In order for a woman to control the situation during sex, she needs to sit on top and become a “rider”. These positions are considered the best, but they may not be suitable for you. Make love the way you like best.

Practices for relaxation

Sexologists recommend using special practices to relax and enter a state of peace. They help you get rid of extraneous thoughts and tune in to enjoyment. They can be performed periodically at any time, not just before intimacy. Practitioners will teach you how to properly relax during sex in order to experience pleasure.

Relaxation should not be neglected; it is very important in the crazy modern rhythm of life. If you performed serious tasks during the day, then after a hard day you need to relax. Otherwise, tension will remain in the body, and the state of anxiety will develop into a chronic state. It is recommended to do at least one practice every day for ten to fifteen minutes. Only with regular exercise can you get rid of stress.

Let's look at what practices exist to develop the ability to relax during sex.

What is the ability to relax

Often people forget how important it is to give yourself rest. The ability to relax physically and emotionally is a useful function of the body, which can be forgotten over time. Especially if you have been under constant stress and conflict for a long time.

Internal problems cannot find a way out if you do not know how to relieve tension without resorting to the help of a psychologist. Nevertheless, there are such ways of relaxation, and there are many of them. It’s enough to find a suitable option for yourself and remember to use it from time to time.

The ability to abstract yourself from unpleasant surroundings and thoughts is the ability to relax. You can do this almost anywhere where you can retire for a few minutes. Failures, problems and other negativity will gradually recede from you.

Shaking

This practice is considered very effective. The point is that you need to stand on your feet and begin to wriggle your whole body. This includes shaking your head, arms, legs and hips. It may look funny, but the result will definitely be there. Definitely give it a try, especially if you find yourself wondering every day: Why can’t I relax during sex?

When performing the exercise, it is important to periodically change the rhythm. Otherwise, some muscles will constantly work, while others will be at rest. Approach the practice in a good mood, with a feeling of enjoyment and pleasure. Turn your focus inside your body, listen to it and trust its impulses.

Relaxation tips

To begin with, here are a few more examples of effective relaxation exercises related to breathing and muscle function.

Simple exercises for relaxation

As we have already said, when the human body is in a stressful and tense state, its pulse and breathing increase. This mechanism is necessary for intensive saturation of cells with oxygen, but this does not always have a positive effect on the physical and mental state. It will be much better if you learn to breathe deeply and calmly. And here are some exercises for this:

Slowly inhale air through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Inhalation should be done in four counts, and exhalation in two counts. You need to do 10 repetitions.
Do the previous exercise, but concentrate not only on the count, but also try to relax the muscles of the chest and shoulder girdle. Due to the fact that the diaphragm is used in breathing, it will become deeper. For one approach, 10 repetitions are enough.
Lie down on a bed or sofa and place one hand on your stomach. Inhale air so that your hand is pushed up through your stomach. Keep in mind that you need to breathe through your mouth. Do 10 reps.

When it comes to muscle relaxation specifically, learning to do it on your own will help you rest and recover quickly. A few exercises on this topic:

Lie on your back on a bed or sofa with your legs straight. Slowly raise your arms up, and then spread them to the sides and lower them. Try to relax as much as possible for 15-20 seconds. Breathe as deeply as possible. The exercise must be repeated 5 times.
Take the same body position. Lying on your back, slowly pull your knees bent to your chest one by one. Then stretch them out and try to relax as much as possible for 15-20 seconds. The exercise must be repeated 5 times.
Lie on your stomach. Extend your arms along your body. Slowly raise your shoulders and head and stretch forward a little. Then return to your original body position and try to relax as much as possible for 15-20 seconds. Repeat the exercise 5 times.
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Clench your fists and raise your arms up. Tighten your entire body, and then suddenly relax, allowing your arms to fall down. Stay in a relaxed state for 15-20 seconds. Repeat the exercise 5 times.

Now let’s move a little away from techniques and exercises, and let’s talk a little about proper nutrition, or rather about foods, the use of which helps relieve tension.

Stress Relief Products

Nutrition is one of the main components of human life, because together with food, all the necessary vitamins, nutrients and microelements enter the body. And if a person eats right (by the way, we have good material on the topic of proper nutrition), then it is much easier for his body to cope with tension and stress, and it is much easier for the person himself to relax and rest faster. To increase your body's resistance to negative external influences, try to follow these simple nutrition tips:

Make sure you have fresh fruits and vegetables in your diet. This is “live” food that has a beneficial effect on the nervous system and the body as a whole.
Include fish in your diet. It contains iodine and phosphorus. The first promotes muscle relaxation, and the second helps maintain normal hormonal levels.
Eat more millet and buckwheat porridge, nuts and legumes. All of these products contain magnesium, a natural antidepressant.
Eat apricots, rye bread, dairy and offal. They contain large quantities of B vitamins, which increase resistance to stress and stabilize the activity of the central nervous system.
Don't forget to eat potatoes, sweet fruits and honey. They are a source of glucose, the deficiency of which causes nervousness and tension.
Drink green and herbal teas. They are rich in antioxidants that remove harmful substances and toxins from the body. The cleaner the body, the easier it is to endure stress and restore strength.

Also, take note of this small list of products that help calm your nerves, relieve tension and increase your body’s resistance to stress:

strawberries, raspberries and blueberries (contain natural antioxidants and vitamin C);
cereals and grains (help the body produce serotonin);
Brazil nuts (contain selenium, which has sedative properties);
spinach (contains vitamin K, which synthesizes hormones that are responsible for stress resistance and good mood);
apples (rich in vitamin C, iron and fiber);
dark chocolate (contains anandamine, which causes a feeling of calm and relaxation);
bananas (contain vitamin B, potassium and magnesium).

And in addition to all of the above, here are a few more life tips that will help you strengthen your nerves and help you cope better with stress.

How to calm down easily

These simple steps should be performed any time you feel nervous, physically or emotionally tired, exhausted, or under stress:

Change your activity . If, for example, you sat at the computer for a long time or wrote a report, do some physical activity: walk, go to the store, do a warm-up, etc. This will help you take your mind off the monotonous and routine work.
Go out into the fresh air and breathe a little . Your blood will become more oxygenated, which in turn will make you calmer.
Drink some water . Remember that even mild dehydration can cause irritability, confusion, and mood swings.
Listen to calm music . It has a wonderful effect on the psyche: it calms the nerves, promotes inner harmony and relaxation.
Light the aroma lamp . Essential oils of jasmine, chamomile or bergamot mixed with water and heated with a candle will easily calm the nerves and restore vitality.
Look at the nice images . If you look at a photo or video of space, mountains or the ocean for at least 5 minutes, you can quickly relax and calm your racing thoughts.
Get out into nature . The beauty of Mother Earth and fresh air are one of the best means for relaxation, relieving stress and putting your inner world in order.
Go to the bath, shower, pool or sauna . Water relieves fatigue better than other remedies and takes away negative energy. It is especially useful to swim in a river or sea, i.e. where the water is not stagnant, but constantly renewed.
Go for a massage . A specialist will help your muscles relax and your body to produce serotonin, which in itself will weaken the effect of emotional stress. By the way, you can ask someone at home to give you a massage, or you can do it yourself - massage those areas of the body where your hands can reach.
Get creative . By creating something with your own hands, you create the perfect environment to reduce anxiety and stress. You can just as easily go to the cinema or theater, visit a museum or art gallery.
Start meditating daily for at least half an hour a day . This activity is great for calming thoughts and achieving inner harmony, with long-term effects. We have a guide to meditation and relaxation on our website.
Limit your consumption of coffee and alcohol, as well as smoking cigarettes . All this not only dehydrates the body, but also increases fatigue and susceptibility to stress (and this is not counting the well-known facts about the dangers of coffee, alcohol and nicotine).

We also advise you to always consider any events that occur objectively, i.e. not only from my point of view, but in general. All problems can be resolved. What seems difficult or unfair now may well lead to better consequences in the future. Therefore, you need to look at everything from different sides, and also not take anything to heart.

As you can see, learning to relax and rest quickly is not that difficult. Remember that there are two fundamental factors here - your desire and knowledge of certain techniques. If you decide to read this article, then you already have the desire, and if you have finished reading it, then the techniques are now at your disposal.

And in conclusion, we bring to your attention another video on the topic of relaxation. Save it to your playlist or browser bookmarks and watch and listen (preferably with headphones) when you want to relax and calm your inner world.

We wish you a good mood and a positive attitude every day!

We also recommend reading:

Storytelling
7 Scientific Ways to Take Effective Breaks
Rebirthing: being reborn through breathing
To breathe or not to breathe?
Muscle relaxation: relaxation techniques
A short guide to developing concentration
10 Popular Exercises to Relieve Stress
Breathing and thinking: a way to calm down in a stressful situation
Ways to fall asleep faster
How to learn to meditate: in accessible language about the most important things
How to manage anger?

Key words:_D1036, 1Psychoregulation, 4Psychoregulation

Spontaneous dance

This practice is best done barefoot, listening to the desires of the body. The exercise will be more effective if you turn on music that alternates from slow to active and back again. This will allow you to move smoothly and dance actively. Ideally, you need to practice alone, so that no one sees. This way you can close your eyes and learn to listen to your body. Over time, you will understand how to relax during sex. These should not be movements of beauty or seduction, but a dance of one’s natural beginning. You can imagine yourself as some kind of animal. Release excess activity, rage and the adrenaline that has accumulated during the day.

Effective techniques for relaxation

Today you can find many different techniques that make it easy to quickly relax and normalize your physical and mental state. These include various auto-trainings, meditation, listening to special musical compositions and others. But often, to achieve a full effect, it really takes a lot of time, and sometimes even special knowledge and hours of practice. At the same time, there are several simple options that any beginner can master, and this will take a few minutes. We have selected four such techniques for you. And let’s say right away that to complete each of them you need to set aside 15 minutes of free time and find a place where no one and nothing will distract you during these 15 minutes.

Breathing technique

The essence of this technique is that to achieve a state of calm and relaxation, you simply breathe. Breathing, as we all know, is the basis of life, and the ability to control it is considered the first and main skill necessary to learn how to quickly relax. Conscious control of breathing distracts consciousness from thoughts, which is also expressed on the physical plane in the form of relaxation of the body muscles. Here is the breathing technique we offer:

take a comfortable body position and start breathing through your nose;
close your eyes and concentrate on how the air passes through your nose;
take a deep and slow breath and try to feel the slight chill from the penetrating air;
hold your breath for a few seconds;
exhale calmly and try to feel that the air coming out is already warm;
perform this sequence of actions throughout the relaxation session;
try not to think about anything extraneous and focus on the breathing process.

Despite its apparent simplicity, this technique is very effective because... uses three powerful mechanisms. The first is that relaxation is achieved by taking a comfortable position and closing your eyes. Second, slow breathing lowers your heart rate. Third - by concentrating on the movement of air through the nose, as we said, the consciousness is distracted from all thoughts and experiences.

And one more nuance: if suddenly you need to quickly relax, but there is no way to get into a comfortable position, you can skip the first step. With practice, you will learn to disengage from what is happening and relax, even in the company of other people and under a variety of circumstances.

Progressive muscle relaxation technique

This technique was developed by the American physician Edmund Jacobson in the mid-twentieth century. He believed that if anxiety or fatigue is accompanied by muscle tension, then through muscle relaxation one can achieve calmness and allow the body to rest. When performing this technique, you will need to tense certain muscle groups. At the same time, it is important not to overstrain them, and also to ensure that the muscles of other groups are not strained. The algorithm is as follows:

take a comfortable body position (it is recommended to sit down) and take a few calm breaths;
clench your fists and then relax them; spread your fingers and then relax them;
contract your biceps and then relax them; contract your triceps and then relax them;
move your shoulders back and then relax them; push your shoulders forward and then relax them;
turn your head all the way to the right, and then relax your neck; turn your head all the way to the left, and then relax your neck; press your chin to your chest and then relax your neck;
open your mouth as wide as possible and then relax it; Purse your lips as tightly as possible and then relax them;
stick your tongue out as far as possible and then relax it; pull your tongue into the larynx as much as possible, and then relax it; press your tongue to the roof of your mouth and then relax it; press your tongue to the bottom of your mouth and then relax it;
open your eyes as wide as possible and then relax them; close your eyes as hard as you can and then relax your eyes and nose;
take a deep breath and then get some air; breathe normally for 15 seconds; exhale all the air from your lungs, and then exhale a little more; breathe normally for 15 seconds;
Gently bend your back forward, and then relax your back;
pull your stomach in as much as possible and then relax it; inflate your stomach as much as possible or tense your abdominal muscles, and then relax them;
tighten your gluteal muscles and lift your pelvis slightly, and then relax your buttock muscles;
stretch your legs forward and lift them 15 cm from the floor, then lower your legs and relax them; press your feet firmly to the floor and then relax them;
lift your toes up and then relax them; lift your feet up and then relax them.

Ideally, after performing this exercise, your muscles should become more relaxed than they were before, and your mind should be filled with calm and peace. If this does not happen, repeat the entire procedure. Try not to think about anything and focus only on the tension and relaxation of your muscles.

Calming Visualization Technique

Visualization is rightfully considered one of the most powerful tools for working with consciousness. According to some scientific studies, the subconscious mind does not distinguish real events from events imagined by a person. For this reason, visualized images can have a strong impact on consciousness. Follow this pattern:

take a comfortable body position and close your eyes;
take several deep breaths and exhalations;
imagine that you are in a calm, quiet and pleasant place where you can easily relax (for example, on the top of a mountain, in a forest, on a beach or somewhere else);
maintain the image you are imagining and concentrate on the feeling of relaxation and bliss, try to strengthen it and immerse yourself in it even deeper;
detail the image, presenting it in all details (the sound of waves or birdsong, coolness or warm rays of the sun, etc.);
when you feel that you cannot plunge deeper into the state, begin to slowly return to the real world;
open your eyes and breathe slowly for a few minutes.

Visualization may not be easy at first, but the results will get better each time. And to achieve the desired effect faster, read our articles “Self-Teacher on Visualization”, “Seven Visualization Techniques” and “How to Develop the Power of Visualization”.

Technique for entering the alpha state

To begin with, let us recall that the human brain works in different states of attention and consciousness, i.e. at different levels. These levels are distinguished by brainwave frequencies, named for convenience by letters of the Greek alphabet. Most often you can see this classification:

Beta waves (from 14 Hz). A state of activity characterized by wakefulness and thinking.
Alpha waves (8 to 14 Hz). A state of relaxation, characterized by relaxation and immersion in daydreaming.
Theta waves (4 to 8 Hz). A state of deeper relaxation suitable for meditation and hypnosis.
Delta waves (up to 4 Hz). State of unconsciousness and deep sleep.

Scientists believe that alpha waves have the most beneficial effect on the brain and body. Therefore, they are often used in various methods of working with consciousness. Alpha activity itself can be stimulated in different ways, for example, by special audio recordings of binaural beats. But there is also the opportunity to enter the alpha state on your own.

This technique belongs to the American parapsychologist Jose Silva, and its algorithm is as follows:

take a comfortable body position and take a few deep breaths;
imagine the number 3 and say to yourself three times: “three”;
imagine the number 2 and say to yourself three times: “two”;
imagine the number 1 and say to yourself three times: “one”;
imagine the number 10 and slowly say to yourself: “I am relaxing”;
imagine the number 9 and slowly say to yourself: “I am calming down”;
imagine the number 8 and slowly say to yourself: “I am relaxing more and more”;
imagine the number 7 and slowly say to yourself: “I am calming down more and more”;
imagine the number 6 and slowly say to yourself: “my mind is serene and clear”;
imagine the number 5 and slowly say to yourself: “my whole body is relaxed”;
imagine the number 4 and slowly say to yourself: “I am so relaxed that my body has become weightless”;
imagine the number 3 and slowly say to yourself: “I am completely calm”;
imagine the number 2 and slowly say to yourself: “I am completely relaxed”;
imagine the number 1 and slowly say to yourself: “I am completely calm and relaxed”;
Slowly say to yourself, “I’m in alpha.”

Of course, this technique is somewhat more complicated than the previous ones, but if you master it, you will learn to control the state and functioning of your brain and induce relaxation at any moment you need. By the way, before we move on to the next block of the article, we would like to invite you to watch this short video for deep relaxation (for the best effect, we advise you to take a comfortable body position and watch the video with headphones).

Continuing the topic of relaxation, we offer you some useful tips and recommendations, following which it will become much easier for you to learn to relax.

Special breathing

If for some reason you cannot lie down, shake your body or dance, but need to relax, then try this technique. It is very simple and accessible to everyone. Take a deep breath, mentally collect all the accumulated tension in your body, and then exhale sharply. So alternate actions for at least ten minutes. If you breathe in this way, you will experience deep relaxation. This is what you need after a hard day.

Belly breathing

When performing this practice, you need to inflate your stomach like a balloon when you inhale, and when you exhale, deflate it. The easiest way to feel this kind of breathing is in a lying position on your back. In this case, it is better to position your legs so that your feet are on the floor and your legs are bent at the knees. In this position, the stomach and lower back relax as much as possible, which is what many women need during sex. It is also recommended to place one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach. This will allow you to monitor the correctness of the exercise. This way you will understand that you are breathing with your stomach and not with your chest.

How to get rid of shame

It is believed that shame cannot be defeated, you can only learn to interact with it.

How to do it?

Analyze the cause of shame, accept and acknowledge it. In the first stages, it is important to o. Even with shame we remain whole. Understanding this is interaction with shame.
In relationships, choose yourself. Tell yourself: “I choose not relationships, but myself in them.”
Learn to forgive yourself and your actions. One “bad” action does not define you. We all have the right to make mistakes, which teaches us and grows us as individuals.

If the manifestation of shame is accompanied by a feeling of guilt, then the woman needs to analyze whether she can somehow smooth out this feeling.

“I’m to blame, but I can do something about it and I’m doing it” or “I’m to blame, but at the same time I can’t do anything about it.” In the second case, you need to think about the situation, accept and let go.

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Mutual understanding with a partner

To experience true pleasure, you need to choose the right partner. Of course, perfect compatibility is rare, but you should still strive for it. Try to please your loved one, and he will respond in kind. Feel free to talk about sex, express wishes and discuss sensations. These should be gentle requests, not intrusive advice. Over time, if this is your person, you will achieve complete mutual understanding.

Now you know how to relax during sex and enjoy the process. Put these recommendations into practice and make love with pleasure!

Discomfort after defloration

Unpleasant sensations after the first time are possible for a number of reasons. The most banal thing is new sensations that the girl has not experienced before. There is no talk of pain here, but many experience discomfort.

Irritation from lubricant or condoms is also possible, especially if you are not used to it. But this is not a problem the first time, this can happen to anyone, even the most experienced girls.

Otherwise, there are no negative consequences of the first time and there is definitely no need to perceive defloration as a painful, scary process. For many, everything goes away without any unpleasant sensations at all.

If you prepare well for sexual intercourse, don’t rush anywhere, choose the right position and don’t overwhelm yourself with fears, then everything will go smoothly. Physiological characteristics may be favorable to the girl, for example, for some, the hymen breaks without any pain or blood. It is important to know that this is not a blank wall, there are holes in it from birth and sometimes they are quite large. Even a gynecologist cannot say with certainty whether the person in front of him is a girl.