Complexity always has two sides. One pushes us to change and development. The second is an obstacle to your dream, destroys self-confidence and prevents you from living life to the fullest. The habit of exaggerating our shortcomings and downplaying our strengths, like many things in our behavior, is rooted in childhood. To understand how a person can tame his complexes, let’s look at what it is to have complexes, from the point of view of the psychology of Daria Milai.
Content:
- What is a psychological complex or personality complex? Complexes - what is it about?
- Where do complexes come from?
- Physical complexes
- 7 main factors in the development of complexes
- The most common female complexes
- Advice from psychologists and effective techniques
What is a psychological complex or personality complex?
Complex is a definition related to psychoanalysis. The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, believed that every person encounters complexes throughout life, at different stages of development. In his opinion, complexes allow us to touch the unconscious part of the mind in order to gain a more complete understanding of ourselves.
The creator of the term is considered to be Joseph Breuer, a physician and physiologist from Austria who collaborated with Freud. The concept was popularized by Carl Gustav Jung, the founder of analytical psychology.
Complexes - what is it about?
These days, the word “complex” is widely known. It describes people who, to one degree or another, do not accept themselves. This is understandable - we live in a time when it is becoming increasingly difficult to love ourselves, let alone appreciate ourselves. Focusing on imperfections and weaknesses leads to low self-esteem. Small flaws become a central problem from which it is impossible to tear yourself away. Being overweight, having a large nose, stuttering, being short, not knowing how to spell, or being unable to speak in public can take a psychological toll on some people, making them feel inferior and less worthy than others.
A person’s complexes are a tangle of negative feelings and ideas about oneself. This could be fear, anger, shame or guilt about something that is bothering us. In a sense, complexes are a taboo topic, alarming, sad, embarrassing for us, associated with humiliation, ignorance, incompetence, shame. And this doesn't only apply to adults. Even small children face such difficult demands that it takes exceptionally strong character to be able to avoid complexes.
Complexes mean that we have personal inhibitions that we do not want to talk about. Often we do not know about the existence of complexes or do not want to admit to ourselves that we have them. We avoid places and people that can cause them, cling to those who do not pay attention to them, subconsciously seek the company of people who have more complexes than we do (in the same area or in another). Complexes are like an evil spirit that prevents you from experiencing the joy of life, achieving success or your goals. Despite the development of psychology and advanced methods of psychotherapy, few people can cope with them. Awareness of the situation and identifying the source of the problem are the first steps towards “recovery.”
Where do complexes come from?
From the pursuit of excellence. But, as you know, there is no ideal. Often the demands that society places on us are too high. This becomes the beginning. For example, if you are a director, people expect you to have a college degree and experience interacting with people. If you are a teacher, you must be competent and fair. It happens that people do not fulfill requirements and the greater the degree of non-compliance, the higher the self-doubt.
Other complexes arise from childhood wounds. Aunt Katya, who came to visit her mother, says: “And your Olya has crooked legs.” As a result, Olya cannot get rid of her crooked leg complex for the rest of her life. Sometimes a normal flaw noticed by someone grows to the size of a monster that begins to interfere with our daily functioning and contacts with people.
Theories about the origin of the complexes are different. One of the most popular was created by Alfred Adler, a psychoanalyst and founder of individual psychology. In his opinion, the feeling of inferiority (which has not yet turned into a complex) is born in childhood. Due to the fact that the child is smaller, weaker and dependent on adults, he feels somewhat lower in the social hierarchy. Usually this feeling fades away as a result of proper mental development. The child notices his inferiority, which becomes his driving force in life. In the future, he unconsciously tries to overcome this feeling, for example, through competition or the development of competencies. But if it is not possible to sufficiently compensate for the feeling of inferiority, it turns into a complex.
In adulthood, a complex can arise as a result of a difficult or unpleasant situation. An example is a woman who has gained extra pounds after pregnancy. If she fails to regain her previous weight immediately after giving birth, she develops a complex and begins to feel less attractive in the eyes of her partner.
Striving for ideal
The danger comes from trying to independently take measures to eliminate an imaginary defect. People suffering from “overweight” go on diets. Instead of a rational dietary regimen, exhausting, fast-acting methods are chosen. The result is anorexia or bulimia.
Passion for sports leads to sports addiction. People trying to get an ideal body abuse physical activity and bring themselves to the point where sport turns into a drug. When they skip a workout, they get nervous and worry that they will gain fat. The problem is that the most intense workouts do not leave them feeling satisfied, because there is always a body part that needs to be sharpened.
Dysmorphophobia, in addition to the desire to lose excess weight, may be accompanied by a belief in excessive thinness. Then sports addiction is expressed by the desire to build muscle mass. Patients are addicted to uncontrolled consumption of sports nutrition and have implants inserted into their muscles.
Particular attention is paid to plastic surgery. Dysmorphophobes enthusiastically search for information about plastic surgery clinics, about its methods, and begin to save money for surgery. But often they are denied the operation due to lack of indications. If surgery has been performed, patients are often dissatisfied with its outcome. In their opinion, the defect has not been completely eliminated and still remains noticeable. If the flaw can be corrected, then a new one is found.
If patients are not interested in plastic surgery, then cosmetic procedures: beauty injections, face lifts, correction of eyebrows, eyelashes in exaggerated quantities.
The extreme point is an attempt at self-medication. Body dysmorphic disorder is often called “Van Gogh syndrome” (this was mentioned above). However, here we are already talking about dysmorphomania, when ideas about a defect acquire an overvalued character, reaching the level of delirium.
So, Van Gogh cut off his ear with a straight razor. Wrapping it in newspaper, he went to the brothel to present the evidence to a prostitute he knew and relieve the tension. This story was told to the police by his friend, the artist Gauguin. What happened to Van Gogh is called dysmorphomanic delirium. It becomes a manifestation of another mental disorder that dominates the personality. In the case of Van Gogh, it could have been schizophrenia or epileptic psychosis - it is not known for certain.
The conviction of one's ugliness is so terrifying that it requires immediate disposal of the defect. And in this case, all methods are good: amputation, cauterization, excision of “damaged” organs. Desire acts as an impulse. The patient at one moment self-mutilates without thinking, as if an unknown force is pushing him. It is impossible to stop him with any persuasion.
Commanding (imperative) hallucinations in dysmorphomania can also force the patient to commit a similar execution on himself.
Classification of complexes
Complexes are divided into physical and psychological.
Physical complexes
Physical complexes include everything that can be assessed from the outside. The canons of beauty encourage us to strive for the ideal and pay more attention to appearance. This increases awareness of body imperfections. We can accept them or try to change them if possible.
How do physical complexes manifest themselves?
- A person exaggerates minor flaws that other people do not pay attention to - these could be wrinkles, a scar, unsatisfactory appearance of hair, an imperfect shape of the nose or mouth.
- He focuses on the defect, devotes a lot of time to it, and tries to get rid of it, including through surgical operations.
- Having eliminated one shortcoming, he quickly finds another.
- Finds flaws where there are none.
Psychological complexes
Psychological complexes are not measured by the size of the chest or the length of the nose, but by the suffering that is caused to a person. This suffering is associated with negative emotions, as well as with the influence of the complex on relationships with other people. The complex arises as an obstacle to love or to finding one’s place among others. A person thinks that without a certain shortcoming his life would be different. He would be more successful, he would have a better relationship with his partner.
People obsessed with their “shortcomings”, trying to disguise them at any cost, do not allow themselves to develop strategies that would emphasize their strengths and qualities.
Physical and psychological complexes are often interrelated. An example of a physical complex and its psychological impact on a person: “I’m too fat to be loved.”
Contact with the outside world
The feeling of one’s own inferiority and inferiority is reflected in the patient’s mood, worldview, and relationships with others. Dysmorphophobia, as a rule, is depressed, taciturn, anxious, and shows some nervousness.
People with BDD are embarrassed by a perceived flaw. When they appear in a crowded place, they think that the attention of others is directed exclusively at them. Because of this, patients try to limit contacts. Strangers do not suspect that a person has a disorder, so they perceive him as arrogant or unsociable, closed, sometimes strange, called a snob or a rebel.
The girl came to school with a bag over her head to hide her “scary face.” The teacher, naturally, misunderstood her. He decided that she wanted to disrupt the lesson and kicked her out of class.
People with dysmorphophobia have difficulty building relationships with people: making friends, forming romantic relationships. Due to constant concentration on the deficiency, absent-mindedness and loss of self-control appear. Academic performance decreases and productivity decreases.
Constant companions of patients with dysmorphophobia are depression, low self-esteem, panic attacks, and anxiety. They often suffer from addictions: alcohol, drugs.
Constant nervous tension, negative emotions, and anxiety exhaust the patient. Unable to withstand the pressure, the patient resorts to suicide attempts. Suicide in BDD is common and natural.
Causes of complexes
We most often associate a complex person with an ugly duckling or a silent gray mouse. This is a false image based on popular stereotypes. In fact, seemingly happy, bright and confident people can experience the same complexes as quiet and reserved people.
Psychologists have carefully studied the causes of human complexes. It turned out that they depend on factors such as gender, age, social and economic status.
In society, we inevitably notice the successes and merits of others and compare them with our own. Only some people are motivated by this to achieve their goals, while others feel that they will never be able to catch up with their rivals. From here there is a direct path to the complexes.
Often complexes are associated with personal life. People are ashamed of their past, illness, origin or position. Not wanting to be rejected by their peers, children create stories about their parents that are not true, which only increases the feeling of isolation and causes them to constantly lie. Adults pretend to live happy lives and tell their friends incredible stories about work and family. And all this in order to hide the truth of which they are ashamed.
7 main factors in the development of complexes
Family
Most complexes are rooted in the family. Excessive demands, criticism, insults from parents, physical methods of punishment - all this causes deep emotional wounds in childhood. Traumatic events become more intense and have a devastating impact during adolescence. In the future, a young man may be ashamed of being born in a rural area, of the conditions in which he grew up, of an alcoholic father or a cleaning lady mother.
Appearance
This is a frequent source of development of complexes. The reason for dissatisfaction with one's own appearance can be almost anything: in women it is usually height, figure, hair, nose, teeth, natural complexion (pale or red skin), arms (short or long), lack of a waist, narrow or rounded hips, too big or too small breasts, leg length and weight.
Sociologists have found that 70% of Russian women are dissatisfied with their appearance. This result alone suggests that the problem is big.
Men worry less about appearance, but can feel really bad about themselves due to short stature and not very developed muscles.
Character traits
Character can also become a source of complexes. We are ashamed, for example, of our shyness, impulsiveness, excessive inattention, naivety, stubbornness, wastefulness, cowardice, talkativeness or recklessness.
Lack of certain skills and abilities
Complexes can arise due to the lack of certain skills, including lack of knowledge of foreign languages, computer skills, lack of a driver’s license, the ability to swim or ride a bicycle.
Work and education
Another reason to get a complex is related to education and work. For example, a woman cannot finish university because this is the third time she has gone on maternity leave. A man may be worried that he has been working in the same place and position for a long time without the possibility of promotion.
Financial position
The source of complexes is money and material goods. A person may feel uncomfortable that he does not have the latest model of phone or computer. Such complexes are very common among young people. When teenagers cannot afford fashionable clothes and gadgets, they feel bad and even become depressed.
Individual characteristics and diseases
One of the most serious sources of complexes are shortcomings associated with individual characteristics and diseases. The reasons for embarrassment and shame for many people are speech disorders and stuttering. Complexes can be experienced by people in wheelchairs, people undergoing treatment, which sometimes affects their appearance, and cancer patients (for example, those forced to wear a wig or breast prosthesis). Some may also feel embarrassed to wear hearing aids or glasses with thick lenses.
What it is
Body dysmorphophobia (BDD in English) is, in the scientific sense, a pathological condition when an individual is extremely dissatisfied with his appearance, invents non-existent defects or exaggerates a certain feature of his own body, “blaming” it for ugliness.
Experts say that dysmorphophobia usually goes hand in hand with other disorders: obsessive-compulsive, anxiety, hypochondriacal, schizotypal, schizophrenia, psychopathy.
BDD has many synonyms: ugly appearance psychosis, ugliness paranoia, dysmorphic anxiety, delusions of bodily ugliness, asymmetry and deformity.
Body dysmorphophobia is also called syndromes:
- Quasimodo - in honor of the main character of Victor Hugo's novel Notre-Dame de Paris, a hunchbacked bell-ringer whose body was distorted from head to toe, and whose left eye was framed by a huge wart. When the woman to whom the baby was thrown saw him, she almost lost her mind;
- Cyrano de Bergerac - a historical figure who became a literary character. He had a huge nose, thanks to which his name became a household name and denoted all people with a large nose. Embarrassed by this peculiarity, Bergerac never dared to confess his love to his beloved;
- Van Gogh - a desire to injure oneself or a demand to perform a surgical operation on oneself.
What types of complexes are there?
Modern psychology has about 50 (!) different complexes.
The most common female complexes
Women have a hard time accepting their appearance. Many of them want their body to look different. Feel worse than others. The reason is that there is undue pressure on women in society. They are forced not only to be ideal wives and mothers, but also to realize themselves professionally. During pregnancy they should be slim, and after childbirth they should quickly return to their original shape. It becomes difficult to accept yourself positively, appreciate and love yourself. Trying to achieve perfection leads to constant dissatisfaction with oneself.
Frequent male complexes
The most common male complexes relate to their functioning. The sexual life zone is the most difficult male complex. Male complexes can arise from viewing pornography that shows an unrealistic portrayal of a man's sexual abilities.
Men also feel pressure from the environment to achieve success, earn high earnings, and be good husbands and fathers. Unlike women, who more often develop an inferiority complex regarding their appearance, men try to compensate for their complexes with force, power and money.
The most famous complexes
Inferiority complex
A person who is characterized by an inferiority complex demonstrates low self-esteem and considers himself inferior to others. Such a person feels dependent on other people, being in a subordinate position in relation to them. Often he cannot take responsibility for his life.
Superiority complex
The opposite of the inferiority complex is called the superiority complex. The person who experiences it must necessarily prove that he is better than he actually is. This is a protective mechanism of the psyche, which may be associated with the development of narcissism.
Guilt complex
A guilt complex refers to a person's persistent belief that they have done something wrong. In other cases, he may overestimate his role in the situation, believing that his mistakes had a much greater impact than they actually did. In addition to constant feelings of anxiety, people with a guilt complex may also experience feelings of shame.
Martyr complex
The complex refers to a person who sacrifices himself for others while ignoring his own needs. He pushes away his happiness and dreams to serve another person (or people). In addition, the martyr experiences a strong sense of helplessness, a feeling that he has no choice and that he has become a victim of the demands of relatives and colleagues.
Napoleon complex
The complex of short men striving for power and high positions got its name from Napoleon Bonaparte. The conquest of Europe was supposed to confirm the unique personality of the French emperor, who experienced a complex associated with a growth deficiency.
Peter Pan Complex
Refers to men who exhibit immaturity, irresponsible behavior and avoidance of commitment. They are often carefree dreamers, self-centered and demanding of a motherly attitude from their partner.
The names of some popular complexes are associated with mythology.
Oedipus complex
At the age of four to six years, a boy strives for closeness with his mother, is interested in her body, and maybe, imitating his father, kisses her on the lips. The father also plays a role in the development of the Oedipus complex. The son may perceive him as an enemy and be jealous of his mother. He may refuse to go out with his father, be capricious in his company, or be rude to him. Or he may seek to separate him from his mother.
Electra complex
The manifestations are the same as in the case of the Oedipus complex, only the male gender should be changed to female. The complex concerns girls who seek to get closer to their father and see their mother as an enemy.
Medea complex
In this case, the mother is hostile towards her own children. She wants revenge for the harm that her partner and the father of her children caused her, so she unwittingly wishes her children to die.
Damocles complex
Under the influence of this complex, a person envies other people, their happiness and success in life, feels a deep sense of injustice and is dissatisfied with his life. He tends to idealize the lives of other people and has a strong desire to harm them or take revenge.
Diana complex
It occurs in teenage girls who find it difficult to accept their changing body (rounded hips, breasts) and their own femininity. Associated with a girl’s strong subconscious desire to be a man. Such girls can adopt a masculine lifestyle or dress in men's clothing.
Daphne complex
The nymph Daphne became a symbol of virginity and inaccessible love. A woman with such a complex has an aversion to men, sexuality and heterosexual relationships.
Do people without complexes exist?
The phrase “he has no complexes” is used in relation to a brave, cheerful, liberated person who becomes the soul of any party, surprises with extravagant outfits and tells people in their faces everything that he thinks about them. At the same time, the reaction of those around him worries him little and does not make him blush at all. Such people arouse envy, delight and increased interest of others. Many people are sure that there are no problems in their life.
Do they really have no complexes? The answer will surprise you. There is one simple explanation for the eccentric actions of such people. They commit all their crazy actions under the influence of an inferiority complex. They feel the need to recognize their importance, so they try to attract attention to themselves in any way.
Understanding the motives of behavior of different people, including “people without complexes,” we can say that there is no person in the world who would accept himself one hundred percent and would not want to change anything about himself .
Signs of the disorder
The main symptom of BDD is dissatisfaction with one's appearance. Any parts of the body are subject to distribution. Most often it is the skin, face, body proportions and excess weight, hair, legs, stomach. Patients find an imaginary defect in themselves or exaggerate body features: small breasts, a humpbacked nose, a huge nose, a crooked mouth, pop-eyedness.
A banal example: a girl with an objectively good figure considers herself a “fat cow,” ugly, shapeless.
Self-criticism is a pretty good thing, envy is natural and inherent in any personality. In people with dysmorphophobia, self-criticism is overdeveloped, going beyond what is permitted. They simply consider themselves freaks who do not have the right to a full life, compare themselves with other people or public figures, complaining and lamenting why they cannot have the same “normal” appearance.
An imaginary defect takes over the patient's life. He constantly thinks about how to hide it from others. For example, he disguises “fullness” with robes, and covers moles on the neck with a scarf. To hide forehead wrinkles, he wears a cap or grows bangs, and covers minor skin imperfections with a ton of cosmetics.
The behavior of a dysmorphophobe is characterized by certain nuances:
- spends a lot of time looking at himself in the mirror. Outside the home, he examines his own reflection in any mirrored surfaces - shop windows, window glass;
- refuses to look in the mirror. Removes all mirror surfaces from its own space. If they are accidentally discovered, then under the pressure of emotions they are capable of breaking them;
- avoids being photographed. In his arsenal there are only a few photos with personal images. He says they don't look good in photos. Finds any reason to avoid getting into the frame. In fact, he is catastrophically afraid that his “ugliness” will be recorded;
- interested in information about plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures, dietary nutrition;
- before leaving the house, he spends a lot of time getting ready, carefully honing his image so that the “flaw” is not accidentally noticed by strangers;
- is fanatical about sports;
- in communication with loved ones, he systematically raises the issue of his defect. Forces people to say that he is ugly, leading to a scandal;
- at a certain point, stops leaving the house or appears on the street at uncrowded times, for example, during the day, when most people are at work, or at night - it’s dark, no one will see;
- thoughts about the defect give rise to obsessive actions - feeling the face, hair, a peculiar body position;
- creates an extravagant image to distract attention from the shortcoming.
How to deal with complexes?
Psychologists note that there is no need to work on some complexes, because we grow out of them over the years. For example, our parents no longer annoy us because we have passed the stage of depending on them and now we decide for ourselves how to live.
There are several ways to get rid of other complexes:
- First, we need to understand that they negatively affect our lives - they undermine self-esteem, take away self-confidence and have a negative impact on health.
- Second, realize that our self-image may be incorrect. Just because we see a lot of flaws in ourselves doesn't mean others see them too.
- The next step is to try not to compare yourself to others, because there will always be someone better, more talented, more beautiful or richer. We should focus on our strengths and find what makes us feel good.
- You need to try to treat other people's words with detachment. Nobody knows us better than ourselves. Yes, it is difficult to respond calmly to criticism, but the main thing is not to take it to heart when someone points out our imperfections.
If complexes paralyze and prevent you from acting, you need to seek help from a specialist. A psychologist or psychotherapist will help you cope with your problems. This is often your best chance to regain your joy in life and love yourself again.
Advice from psychologists and effective techniques
Your own complex can be a tough opponent, but you can beat it by working on yourself.
Step 1. Identify the problem - where did it come from?
Connect the experienced emotions with the source and cause of their occurrence (for example, a problem in the perception of yourself, others, the world, which causes pain and suffering). Think about whether there is an alternative way of perceiving these elements?
Step 2. Work on the complex that stands in the way of the goal
It is important to understand what your complex really means to you and why you consider it a problem. Try to accept your weaknesses - this can turn them into an asset that will help at the right time, like a vitamin during the off-season.
Step 3: Understand your needs
The desire for greater self-awareness - your desires, thoughts, emotions, values - helps to increase self-esteem. Determining your own needs gives you a sense of control over the situation, which allows you to live in harmony with yourself.
Step 4: Develop an Action Plan
Define your goal: what and when you want to achieve - for example, lose five kilograms in five months. In this case, a specific action plan will help. It is important that goals are realistic. Sometimes it pays to start with small steps.
Step 5: Find support
Avoid unfavorable social connections, try to be with people who give you energy rather than take it away. Take advantage of the support of loved ones, it not only adds self-confidence, but also allows you to look at your reflection in the mirror from a greater distance. Ask your loved ones how they perceive your personality, why they like you, what do they value about you?
Step 6 is the most important. Accept and love yourself
And one last piece of advice. Try to make friends with yourself. Praise yourself more often, be kinder to yourself, treat yourself like a friend. Making friends with yourself can be one of the most rewarding accomplishments of your life.
Concept
In the psychological dictionary you will find the following definition - this is a group of mental processes formed on the basis of deep factors influencing the development of the psyche.
Speaking about complex people, we assume that they have a distorted idea of themselves and the surrounding reality, which arose in the light of specific experiences. On the foundation of these distortions, a whole system of beliefs is born, which collectively influence the emotional state, perception of the world, and motives for actions.
The root cause of complexes is most often a specific psychological trauma of the past. Once having experienced mental pain, we consciously or unconsciously develop a certain defense mechanism that should protect us from repeating such an unpleasant situation.
Is there anything positive about complexes?
It turns out yes. Complexes show that something is wrong with us and are an excellent buffer for change. In other words, they motivate us to work on ourselves and bring positive touches into our lives.
The fight against complexes is, in fact, the fight for a better self. By overcoming weaknesses, we not only get rid of complexes and shortcomings, but also turn them into advantages. And in the end, we become full-fledged people - satisfied with life, happy, self-sufficient and self-confident.
Treatment
Many people suffering from body dysmorphic disorder are critical of their condition, but cannot cope with it on their own. This is hampered by the irresistible fear that grips the patient, although he is well aware of its meaninglessness.
To understand whether a person needs outside help, and to help himself understand his own feelings, the patient can take a test for body dysmorphic disorder. This can be found on the Internet - it is freely available.
The pathology is treated by a psychiatrist. Taking psychotropic medications, in particular antidepressants, as well as cognitive behavioral psychotherapy has a positive effect on the patient.
A very important aspect that must be taken into account during therapy is the presence of another disorder. Then dysmorphophobia becomes only a syndrome within the framework of this psychopathology. The underlying disorder is treated first. And only then, if BDD does not go away as part of the treatment of the underlying disease, do they begin to eliminate it.
