ᐉ Irritated pregnant woman. How to learn to cope with your emotions during pregnancy and not quarrel with your husband if he is annoying

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January 25, 2022 |

Women tend to forgive erring spouses and save their families, even if their husband’s behavior leaves much to be desired. They try with all their might to improve relationships: they run the house impeccably, look beautiful, and pay maximum attention to their loved one. But the methods don't always work. Sometimes the husband continues to show disrespect, raise his voice, insult, and use force. If your husband hits you, what should you do, where should you turn?

Hormonal surges

How often do I hear stories from pregnant women that everything infuriates them, completely ordinary things irritate them and they don’t know how to deal with it. Why this happens, I think, is not worth explaining. A new person grows inside a woman. And of course, this cannot pass without leaving a trace. For some, pregnancy proceeds more calmly, for others less so. But changes in behavior are observed in almost one hundred percent of cases.

It even happens that a woman is shocked by herself. She had never noticed such behavior in herself, but suddenly it seemed to jam. Do not worry. There's nothing wrong with that. After you give birth, it will take a little time for your emotions to return to their normal state. You will no longer want one thing or another. My article “How to Avoid Postpartum Depression” will help you plan your schedule after childbirth harmoniously.

Some doctors prescribe vitamin complexes that can help calm emotional outbursts a little. It's up to you to decide whether to use them or not. But for residents of big cities, vitamins will never be superfluous.

It is possible to work with your emotions during pregnancy. Yes - it's not easy. But probably. Learn to breathe, don’t get too excited, don’t overwork yourself, don’t expose yourself to too much stress. Always remember that you are now in a very vulnerable state. After all, a pregnant woman can easily be brought to tears or enraged.

Interactions with husband

I often hear complaints about spouses. His attitude towards me has not changed, he has not become more caring at all, he does not pay attention to me, he cannot please me. My husband smells bad, he slurps too loudly, his perfume makes me sick, and so on.

The thing is that normally you could ignore such moments. But pregnancy can sharpen their perception and now, it catches your eye that you can no longer endure it.

In everyday life, it is not always easy for men to find a common language with a woman, and even during pregnancy it can be very difficult. Dear ladies, I ask you to remember this and not immediately blame the man for everything. Don't make scandals for him and don't throw hysterics. Let's try to figure it out.

If your spouse annoys you, then try to understand why this is happening. What exactly doesn't suit you? If this is some kind of physical action, then a simple conversation with the future dad will help you. For example, you don't like his stubble. It irritates your skin when you kiss, pricks or tickles. Quietly and calmly ask him to shave. Don’t yell at him, saying you’re a fool for not seeing this, it’s unpleasant for me. No, he doesn't see. Men are not clairvoyant and need to be explained and clarified. How will he know that his cologne makes you nauseous if you don't tell him? Tell him this calmly and directly.

If you notice that irritation appears due to a lack of attention or care on his part, then this is where you should think before talking to him about it. Is it really just your husband who doesn’t pay attention to you, or does it just seem that way to you?

Requests for help Write your story Hello. My name is Nika. I am the mother of two wonderful sons who are still very young (the youngest is almost a year old and the eldest is three). Perhaps this is my only link with this life at the moment. Life was not a success from the very beginning, as I see it now. She grew up like a weed, got together with all sorts of bad companies as a teenager, lived by other people's values and desires. I was looking for myself, being in a homosexual relationship for almost three years. I received higher education, which transformed me, as it was accompanied by constant self-reflection. The thought of death was always there, but it was some kind of hysterical beacon - just like in the mother’s statements during her manipulations. I became interested in existentialism, which seemed very close to me and provided endless food for thought... Work is an endless wait for real life, but, unfortunately, it was not where I was expecting. My work is a huge state system, skeletal, rigid, boring in its rigidity, breaking and deforming specialists who have been working there for years. What for? In the 25th spring I meet a man who is 14 years older than me. I saw that I was sick with alcoholism. But for some reason I got into a relationship. In December there are two stripes. Attempts to build a family... His breakdowns, irritation in between, raised his hand against me... What now? Now there are two children. I am in a state of psychological violence almost all the time. He humiliates me, insults me even in front of the children, constantly reproaches me with money, spends virtually no time with me, convinced me that I am completely untalented, reproaches me for literally everything. Perhaps postpartum depression has set in, but I feel very bad now. I react very strongly to his attacks. He is trying to impose his vision of my professional future on me, ignoring my wishes. He does not formalize the relationship, forcing me to have the status of a single mother, because he is afraid that I will take his apartment (we live in a city near Moscow, I am a Muscovite). I am engaged in social activities - it devalues everything I do, convincing everyone and myself that I am doing it to the detriment of my family. With difficulty I agreed to pay for my driver’s license, since it’s difficult to move around the city with two kids, but now he’s in no hurry to give me the car, since I can break it, and he’s put a lot of effort into it. Despite the huge number of acquaintances, I have no friends, since he found in almost everyone one or another flaw that interferes with communication. I rarely communicate with anyone, because it’s difficult not to be friends with families, and I don’t want to wash dirty linen in public. This is the 4th year of my maternity leave. I understand that I have already lost my qualifications. I wanted to study a little for 9 months, since there is already an opportunity to earn extra money - he considers it self-indulgence, and paying for studies is too expensive. I want to leave him, but I constantly make excuses, and I’m very, very sorry for the children. They love him very much and are drawn to him. He is also very affectionate with them. I feel trapped. I see life as existentially meaningless. I'm afraid that if everything continues the same, I will either get seriously ill or commit suicide. Unfortunately, I think about this all the time. At first I thought about leaving with the children, but, Thank God, after confession these thoughts no longer enter my mind. I love my children very much. And they deserve to live. I have what I deserve. Everything is disgusting... How to find a way out? Help me please!

Nika, age: 29 / 01/11/2013

Responses:

Nika, I didn’t understand you. You described in detail, point by point, how the relationship with your common-law husband developed and what it is like now. We made the logical conclusion that you could become seriously ill (“I’ll lay hands on you” - let’s put it aside, for such a smart woman like you, this is not an option). Why don't you leave? That's right, your children... But will it be good for them if you, their mother, are unhappy, persecuted, perhaps, as you write, seriously ill? If their father loves them, then he will still remain their father, they will see each other and communicate well. Alcoholism, he raised his hand, to summarize everything you write - he simply doesn’t care about you. If you see that getting involved with him was a mistake, then why should you persist in living in that mistake? Why can't it be fixed?..

Nelly, age: ** / 01/12/2013

You wrote that you were in confession. So, are you a believer? And for a believer, the best way to correct the situation is prayer. Not because a good angel will fly in through prayer and do something for you, but because your persistent prayer for the gift of peace and love in the family will itself tell you how and what can and should be changed. God help you, dear!

Agnia Lvovna, age: 72 / 01/12/2013

Nika, but the question of legal marriage and wedding ceremony should be raised very seriously with your husband! I think that the priest will advise you the same. If a husband is afraid that during a divorce he will have to share an apartment with his wife and children, this means that he wants the privileges of family life, but is afraid of its responsibility. And such an attitude never ends well.

Agnia Lvovna, age: 72 / 01/12/2013

Nellie, today he said indifferently: “Leave or stay, as you wish. If you leave, you won't see me again. And if you stay, then if possible, don’t stick your head out of the room when I’m at home, talk less, don’t spoil the food.” And also, he hinted today about the situation of the murdered mother of three children, saying, “how did she (Irina Kabanova) bother him (her husband) that he did such a thing...” No, this is not a direct threat, he is not that much of a scumbag. But it was very unpleasant to hear. If I leave now, what will I live on? I only have benefits + a small part-time job. If I can enroll the older one in kindergarten, the younger one definitely cannot. I don't see a way out yet. I'm afraid I'll start to resign myself to him again... Agnia Lvovna, all the talk about the wedding is useless. He has not lived with his first wife for more than 15 years. But he was never officially divorced.

Nika, age: 29 / 01/12/2013

You are a good age: you have achievements - education, husband, children, you can give a sober assessment of your life. You are doing the right thing by going to confession. We need a little more. Understand the purpose and purpose of human life. Everything is not the way we are all used to seeing and thinking. It's not like that at all. Read about ordeals - there is such a concept in the Orthodox faith. One of the most striking and detailed examples is the ordeal of Blessed Theodora. There are many interesting videos on this topic. Google it. The way out in your situation is to act according to your conscience and at the same time call on God, the saints and the Mother of God. Step by step, in any situation, “Jesus Prayer” and “All-Merciful”, and simply, in your own words. Step by step, life will begin to change. You have tried many roads. Try this one.

Ogonyok, age: 34 / 01/12/2013

Hello, Nika. “I’m afraid I’ll start to resign myself again, to put up with him.” Or maybe not be afraid? After all, no matter how bad he may be, he is also a person. And he loved you. And maybe he loves. Why do you think that out of three families, two are breaking up these days? You blame your husband for all your troubles, but you think it’s always easy for us? It is always easier to destroy than to glue and forgive. Look at him calmly. After all, he’s not a stranger to you. And there is a heart, even if it is burnt and hardened. But it's the heart. Show wisdom and patience. The Lord will help you get everything right.

Sergey K, age: 29 / 01/12/2013

I think I need to leave immediately and irrevocably. Find resources. Why are you, dear, running ahead of the locomotive? It will crush you. No self-pity now. Birth depression can wait. Save yourself. It's clear. Escape from the spider's clutches. He will suck you dry and will not repent. It seems to me that this is a man of evil forces, no sympathy for him. Do you sympathize with the devil? Outsmart and escape. Methods of salvation: download the church bell ringing onto your player and listen in the morning and evening as much as your soul asks for. Once you cleanse yourself a little with the bell, start going to church, but without fanaticism. Get into the good habit of reciting the OUR FATHER to yourself every time your “beloved” opens his mouth. Only his face will appear in front of you, and you: “Our Father who art in heaven...” and you read and read. You are blinded now. Gain your sight and see the road. You don’t have a husband, this man is not your husband, come to your senses. Leave this path of your slow destruction? By the way, why do you want to destroy yourself with the help of this person? Look for friends and try to talk things out. Do you know why you still do not have the status of a cripple, why your “beloved” has not yet broken your face so that the efforts of the plastics will be useless? Only because he is afraid of criminal liability and is reinsuring himself by not marrying you. Low bow to him for this. What's holding you back is cowardice. We ask God for strength. There is a lot of work on oneself, but the one who walks can master the road.

Daria, age: 44 / 01/12/2013

Nika, as I understand it, you would leave your husband if the children were under supervision and you could work. If it is possible to place the older one in the garden, you can find a nanny for the younger one, ask your neighbors, maybe there are pensioners near you who will be happy with a little money. Maybe you will go to work part-time, maybe for less than a week, look for options. But to stay with this... I don't know...

Nelly, age: ** / 01/14/2013

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Try to rein yourself in

So, what to do when your hormones are playing tricks on you? Try to calm yourself down. Don't be nervous where you don't need to be. It is best, in general, to avoid stress and unpleasant situations. But this is practically impossible.

Find a breathing technique that suits you. If you feel like you are about to lose your temper and start screaming or cursing, freeze for a moment. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Close your eyes and breathe. Calm and slow. And only after the emotions have subsided, answer.

Don't look for reasons to argue with your husband. Now, on the contrary, you need affection and care. Just like your loved one. You are expecting a child. You will soon have another family member. This is one of the most magical events in the family. Rejoice and be happy. Try talking to your husband. Even if he annoys you. Don't be afraid to tell him directly. Only without harsh and rude words. Gently and kindly.

Walk more. Rest. Go to exhibitions, meet with friends. Look for activities that calm you down. Think about the ways you used to restore your strength and improve your mood. Perhaps you will find a hobby that you can do together with your husband.

I hope my article helped you at least a little and gave you interesting ideas. I'm sure you will succeed. You will be able to live this period in harmony with your husband and yourself. The main thing is to love each other and support each other.

All the best to you!

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Someone else's family: husband beats his wife and children, what to do?

Sometimes beatings occur in the immediate environment: friends, neighbors, colleagues suffer. If a husband beats his wife, what to do, where to turn? You need to understand: until a woman has made the decision to change her life, it is almost impossible to help her. Any attempts to explain to the victim the real danger of the current situation will be doomed to failure.

Provide real practical help. If you are ready to offer a friend whose husband is beating and insulting her, temporary shelter, food, clothing, you may be providing the woman with an invaluable service. Tell her where she can turn - in her confusion, she may not be able to collect her thoughts. She needs a close person who is ready to lend a shoulder and listen.

Where to go if your husband beats your neighbor? Some people don't hesitate to call the police. But are you in control of the situation enough? Often women themselves then get into trouble with those who interfere in their lives. And it’s even more dangerous to knock on the door - you can get it from a rowdy. But having heard from the victim’s voice that there is a clear threat to life, it is difficult to remain indifferent. You can call law enforcement anonymously. True, it is possible that they will make peace and you will become an enemy for this family.

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Why are women aggressive during pregnancy?

Unfortunately, too violent expression of emotions and excessive irritability, bordering on aggression, are often found in pregnant women. Moreover, this condition is considered “normal”. After all, everything puts pressure on a woman:

The reactions of her own nervous system in response to hormonal surges. Changes in progesterone and estrogen levels affect the functioning of brain neurotransmitters. The result is sudden mood swings and anxiety.
Physiological changes in the body and their external symptoms: weight gain, heartburn, nausea, constipation, pain in the legs and lower back.
The need to live as usual, despite the “special” situation. Problems at work, illnesses of loved ones and everyday troubles affect a woman’s mental state, depress her and cause anger.
Stress and overwork.
Inflated demands from others and the pregnant woman on herself.
Taboo on negative emotions. There are instructions that pregnant women should always smile, not get angry or offended, because this can harm the child. But in reality, all attempts to suppress anger or resentment only result in even greater aggression.
Doubts about the husband's ability to become a good father. Already during pregnancy, a woman subconsciously feels like a mother, while a man realizes his new status only after the baby is born.
Fear of pain during childbirth, death of the woman herself and her child.
Lack of a full sex life, loss of libido.
A feeling of uncontrollable fear and complete helplessness. Some scientists associate this with so-called “genetic memory.” In ancient times, women and their babies were threatened by wild animals, the elements, and other dangers. Despite the fact that this problem is not relevant today, the expectant mother intuitively reacts sharply to even the slightest threats.
Feeling of injustice. All the “delights” of pregnancy fall on the woman, and not on her partner. Toxicosis, fatigue, drowsiness and, most importantly, abandonment of the usual active lifestyle do not add joy, resulting in self-pity and an aggressive attitude towards others.

Be patient with your wife's wishes and requests

The likelihood of the situation in the joke where a pregnant wife sent her husband out to buy strawberries on a winter night in real life is very low. But every expectant mother has other requests and whims of varying degrees of absurdity. This is all due to changes in hormonal levels. Your wife may begin to feel sick of your perfume, which she herself once gave her. Strange preferences may appear in food: from “classic” pickles to something exotic. There may also be changes at the level of physical sensations: a woman may begin to be irritated by touching certain parts of the body. Treat this patiently and with understanding: remove what is not pleasant to your wife, and try to fulfill her requests.

By the way, requests may concern not only the elimination of irritating odors and the purchase of “sweets”. Pregnant women often need physical assistance: massage of the feet and lower back, help with putting on shoes (after all, with a large belly, it is very inconvenient to bend over). Such help from your husband is very touching and important: by helping, you make it clear that you understand your wife’s position and accept all the changes happening to her during this period.

How to deal with aggression during pregnancy?

The peak of aggressive mood occurs in the first 12 weeks, as well as the last months of pregnancy, when there is practically no strength left to fight accumulated fatigue and a storm of feelings. However, it is possible and absolutely necessary to work with such a condition, because a stable emotional background is one of the most powerful assistants in childbirth. What measures are appropriate?

Rational daily routine: sufficient sleep, mandatory daytime rest and walking in the fresh air.
Proper nutrition. The focus should always be on healthy foods. It is better to eat food in small portions 4-5 times a day. This will help cope with attacks of nausea and sudden surges in blood sugar, which serve as an additional source of bad mood. Also, do not forget that a balance of microelements and vitamins is important for a normal emotional state, in particular a sufficient amount of B vitamins, as well as Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids.

Reasons for this condition

Factors influencing the psycho-emotional state of a woman:

The body uses all its strength to maintain the pregnancy and give birth to a healthy baby. Pregnancy hormones predominate. In this regard, the woman’s emotional state becomes more vulnerable. Not only taste sensations change, bizarre addictions arise, but also a reassessment of values occurs.
Fear of childbirth. The first pregnancy - new sensations inside, give reason to think: “What if everything doesn’t go the way I want?” Even while showing outwardly stable calm, fear of childbirth can arise from a subconscious level. Unconscious fears can provoke an anxious state. It is difficult to remain calm if there is internal fear. Do you agree?
Nuances of family relationships. Sometimes a husband can really be very annoying with his behavior. Not all men are able to adequately respond to your condition. Well, some people simply run away. Someone starts creating a lot of problems to provoke a woman to leave. How can you be calm here? The ideology in the family should be built in such a way that we do one thing. A woman can slip literature to her husband, develop feelings in her husband
Toxicosis, lack of normal, full sleep. Persistent toxicosis due to poor nutrition
Infantility of the expectant mother. Yes, some women simply cannot take responsibility for the family themselves. Their behavior in everything is similar to the whims of a 3-year-old child. A man simply does not have time or gets tired to respond to the whims of his chosen one, and she, in turn, gives aggression and breaks down. At the same time, she blames her husband, is unable to take responsibility for her behavior, and is unable to control her emotions.

We figured out a little about the question of why my husband became very annoying. Now let's talk about how to avoid this condition and maintain warm relationships within the family for a long time.

Try to understand and figure out what is happening with your spouse

It’s best to start with theory: read encyclopedias and pregnancy magazines with your wife to understand what processes are occurring in your wife’s body. Since a man cannot bear and give birth to a child himself, having experienced the whole gamut of sensations, it is important for him to be at least theoretically savvy in these matters. This will help you maintain conversations with your spouse (and during pregnancy they are almost all about the same thing), and understand what she is talking about after the next visit to the doctor. Such participation is greatly appreciated by expectant mothers, and the pregnancy becomes as if shared.

Pregnancy is not a disease

Of course, a woman in a special condition requires special treatment. But how correct is this belief? How did your husbands behave while waiting for a small miracle? How my husband took care of me:

only he carried heavy bags;
I bought most of the products on the list (again, so that I would lift less weight);
he took me to the hospital (when possible), and, forgive me for the details, sometimes in the morning he took my test to the clinic himself (is this the highest manifestation of feelings?);
I spoiled him, we went to the movies, cafes.

But, despite all this, I often caught myself thinking that I was tired and constantly irritated by my husband. There were quarrels, we began to move somewhat away from each other. This is wrong, I decided to work on myself and figure out the problem, simply eliminate it.

What to do?

It is important to know how you can get rid of hateful anger in order to maintain a good microclimate in your relationship. Let's go through the points:

Understand the true reason for your condition. When exactly do you feel a surge of negativity towards your own spouse? Maybe you haven't slept much this day, feel hungry or feel unwell? Sometimes realizing the true cause can solve the problem. For example, I get angry all the time when I feel hungry. And sometimes, instead of sitting down to eat while the child is eating or sleeping, I start washing the dishes or doing the cleaning, which further aggravates my state of irritation.
Get good and plenty of sleep during pregnancy. Good sleep strengthens the body and gives strength. Moreover, after the birth of your child, you will forget about rest. Night feedings and endless household chores will become commonplace. After the birth of the baby, I slept like him for the first time, we sleep for 2 hours, we walk for 1 hour. Later, when I got stronger, I began to sleep less and get more things done.
Hobby. Any creative activity can be a distraction. Just channel your energy in a good direction. Nothing calms you down like knitting, creating with your hands. Knit cute booties and a blouse for your baby, make your own mobile for the crib or a family photo album or a toy for the baby.
Put the psychologist’s advice into practice: learn to meditate (stop thoughts). Move away from the outside world, escape from the everyday hustle and bustle into a world of tranquility. Then you can stop being angry, aggressive and very irritated.
Take a walk. A lot of. Often. In the fresh air. Short walks in the park can balance and pacify the feelings raging inside.
Grow up. Don't act like a little child. Watch your words and actions. You should not offend your chosen one. Don’t keep negative emotions inside, throw them out, as psychologists say.
Try not to get overtired. If the dust sits on the shelves for a couple more hours, nothing will happen. The world won't collapse. If you are tired, rest. Learn to plan your day. And you will forget about anger.

The psychology of family relationships is not only about love. And above all, respect, understanding and acceptance of each other. Try not to go too far in your claims and strong anger. Don’t accumulate resentment, it destroys you from within, and it also affects your husband, because you begin to look at him with the wrong eyes, sometimes troll or blame him for something completely unrelated to what you were offended by. I talked about how to properly get rid of negative emotions and not lose your family in the article and video at the link

A husband beats his wife: what to do - the opinion of psychologists

The tyrant-victim relationship is complex from a psychological point of view.

The owner of a despotic character is able to experience love, but still use force. At heart he is cowardly, insecure, afraid to be alone. Having met a bully, he is unlikely to fight back - a domestic tyrant opens his hands only at home.
Why do victim wives appear, repeating the same scenario in different relationships? It’s just that most women do not accept the requirement to report on every step, which is typical for men of this type. And ladies who are prone to submission do not perceive “alarm bells” and are gradually drawn into a relationship with a tyrant. They are not able to get away from such a man, even when he uses his fists. Victims of abusive fathers often find themselves in a similar situation. Girls absorb this model of behavior, transmitting it into the future.
A codependent relationship is formed between the victim and the tyrant. The wife acquires the habit of enduring humiliation, and the husband takes pleasure in offending his wife.
If the husband beat her once, perhaps the woman will be able to change the situation. There is a chance to stop the tyrant. It is necessary to warn the presumptuous life partner: his actions will become known to close people who are ready to intercede and provide help. Additionally, it is necessary to refer the rowdy person to a psychologist - after the first episodes, the work of a specialist can help.