They visit patients in hospitals, plant trees, help doctors, firefighters, rescuers and law enforcement agencies, and participate in cultural, sports and recreational events. Many volunteers help socially vulnerable categories of the population: disabled people, orphans, former prisoners, refugees.
Our author, who has been a volunteer of the St. Petersburg regional organization of the All-Russian Society of the Blind (VOS) for many years, not only shared his experience of social work, but also warned his followers against possible mistakes.
When are volunteers needed?
Public organizations of disabled people, in particular the All-Russian Society of the Blind (VOS), cannot carry out their work without volunteer helpers. Volunteer work is in demand in a variety of areas. Many blind people can navigate the city well and practically do not need help. But there are also many who are unable to leave their own apartment without outside intervention. Those who have recently lost their sight and have not yet been able to adapt to a new life situation are in a particularly difficult situation.
Any local VOS organization can tell you the coordinates of visually impaired people who need targeted support. These could be single blind people without relatives, married couples where both spouses are blind, people with numerous concomitant diseases. They will be grateful if, if necessary, you accompany them to the clinic, theaters, and concerts.
A ticket to life. What does the volunteer movement give to successful young people?
More details
What is rescuer syndrome
Rescuer syndrome is not an officially recognized disorder, but it really darkens people's lives and requires serious work. Unlike other people, the “rescuer” helps not out of a sincere desire, but as if forcing himself. He is convinced that the only way to get something is to fulfill the desires and requests of others. This is how the authors of a study prepared by psychotherapists from the French business school INSEAD and the European School of Management and Technology explain the basis of the syndrome. Dependence on the desire to help is even compared to food, alcohol, nicotine and drug addiction.
The syndrome was first described in 1968 by psychotherapist Stephen Karpman in the article “Fairy Tales and Analysis of Scripted Drama.” In it, he presented a psychosocial model of relationships, the so-called Karpman triangle, where he identified three roles that people can occupy in different life situations: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.
- The Persecutor, or Aggressor, tries to control, blame, and threaten others.
- The victim believes that he is under the influence of a person or situation and does not take responsibility for what is happening because he thinks that he cannot change anything.
- The Rescuer strives to help the Victim or the Aggressor, but his actions are driven not so much by concern for his neighbors as by the desire to assert himself, to feel complete and significant. As a result, the Rescuer takes on someone else's responsibility, forgetting about his own needs, and at the same time does not solve the other person's problem.
Psychotherapist Amy Lander, writing for a UK therapist matching service, points out that a rescuer chooses this role to provide a sense of self-image and a way to connect with others. When a rescuer doesn't have the ability or means to help for a period of time, their self-esteem is likely to suffer greatly, she said. By immersing himself in the problems of others, he avoids his own unresolved issues.
The rescuers themselves are not happy with their role.
Coach and supervisor Andrea Durban writes in Pure Coaching that rescuers may enjoy helping, but find it difficult to achieve complete satisfaction. They risk disappointment if they don't get the expected response from people. Rescuers are also afraid to refuse and perform certain actions to their own detriment for fear of being rejected. Arina, 22 years old
I lived with rescuer syndrome from about 14 to 20 years old. I felt that I had an obligation to help everyone, whether they asked me for it or not. I found a kind of pleasure in this and, by “helping others,” I tried to increase my self-worth, primarily for myself. But at the same time, I also felt disappointment. It was unbearably offensive when they literally sent me with my seemingly good motive to help.
The syndrome manifested itself in friendship. A particularly telling situation was when my friend was having problems in her relationship. I tried to solve them, but in the end I remained extreme. This also affected my relationships: I felt like a horse that was carrying everything, this entailed quarrels, discontent, scandals, reproaches and the end of the relationship. This is a typical scenario that has been repeated time after time.
The syndrome is scary because you don’t notice it in the moment. At the age of 20, after another “failed” relationship, I found myself in a psychotherapist’s chair, I found an amazing specialist, my syndrome was worked out, and it took very little time. My life has changed: the eternal “whiners” disappeared, they were replaced by conscious and purposeful people, I met a worthy person with whom the rescuer syndrome never even turned on.
Different roles
In VOS, volunteers are needed not only to accompany people in a personal car or public transport. Also, their help may be required when blind people master social and everyday skills, when teaching them computer technologies, and when preparing various events. Interaction with sponsors and the search for financial resources necessary for various rehabilitation activities are also of great importance.
In organizations of the visually impaired and specialized libraries, volunteers are also in demand as readers. Usually, library budgets contain very modest funds, so it is not possible to invite professional speakers and artists - a significant part of audiobooks are created on a voluntary basis.
Article on the topic
Doctor Lisa: no one will help the children of Donetsk except us
Readers are also needed for individuals—blind students, graduate students, and professionals—to introduce them to fiction and professional literature that is not available in raised dot font.
Another area where volunteers can apply their work is helping visually impaired people in physical education and sports. This requires people with good physical fitness. A sighted cyclist rides a tandem bicycle with his blind partner. During a cross-country race, the “big-eyed” runner connects himself with a rope to a blind partner and thereby gives him the opportunity to go the distance. Also, in interaction with sighted athletes, visually impaired people master alpine skiing and a number of other sports.
Free volunteer work is needed not only in public organizations of disabled people. They are expected in hospitals, orphanages, psychoneurological boarding schools, and social hotels for the homeless. Volunteers not only help others, but also gain a lot from their social work. It gives a huge positive charge, increases self-confidence, and fills life with new meaning. Volunteers gain valuable experience communicating with people and acquire new contacts. They begin to take a more meaningful approach to planning their own lives, give up bad habits, and begin to take more care of their health.
How to become the best volunteer?
More details
The dangers of gaslighting
A person who is a victim of gaslighting stops trusting his own feelings. Over time, due to the actions of the manipulator, he may seriously begin to think that he is suffering from a mental disorder. In addition, systematic gaslighting often leads to real psychological and emotional problems. These include increased anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and the development of codependency. All this makes it difficult for the victim to escape the influence of the manipulator.
“Victims of gaslighting usually have a very low self-esteem. It is difficult to have a good opinion of yourself when they are constantly proving to you that this did not happen or cannot be felt, what you feel is all “nonsense” and “fiction”. You immediately begin to feel somehow different,” explains Anastasia Afanasyeva, a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and specialist at the Alter psychologist selection service.
Another important point: emotional abuse often develops into assault. So, if a person experienced gaslighting at the beginning of a relationship, he is more likely to be subjected to physical violence in the future.
Some experts suggest that gaslighting can cause schizophrenia. “Psychosis could potentially happen, but gaslighting is unlikely to be the main trigger for this. Most likely, the person already had a genetic predisposition. But to stop understanding and distinguishing your emotions, to lose trust in your own memory, to begin to devalue what is happening to you - these are the direct consequences of gaslighting,” adds Anastasia Afanasyeva.
A striking example of the destructive effect of gaslighting on a person is the Zersetzung technique. Its name can be translated from German as “biodegradation” or “decomposition.” In the 70s and 80s, this method was actively used by GDR intelligence officers to fight the “internal enemy.”
They entered the houses of dissidents and made minor changes to the interior: rehanging towels, rearranging papers, opening windows, replacing dishes, or putting a different type of tea in the kettle. At night, people were disturbed by strange calls, their cars were moved to other places, and passers-by on the streets often called them by other names.
Everything was done to undermine a person’s faith in his own adequacy. The demoralized victims closed in on themselves, stopped leaving the house, and slowly went crazy. As a result, they not only stopped political activities, but sometimes even took their own lives.
No mistakes
In order for volunteering to bring joy and last for many years, it is necessary to avoid several typical psychological mistakes that many volunteers make.
Social activities should not fill all of a person’s free time. Otherwise, helping those in need can lead to conflict situations in your own family, interfere with the performance of professional duties, and even cause damage to your health. Determine for yourself how many hours per month you can spend on public service, and do not go beyond this “limit.”
Article on the topic
Director with medals. Elena Smirnova ski jumps and runs a foundation
Sometimes physical illnesses are combined in people with mental disorders. Inappropriate behavior may occur. Sometimes volunteers’ wards try to drag them into conflict situations and inundate them with complaints addressed to social workers, relatives, neighbors, and fellow members of the organization of disabled people. Don't plunge into the abyss of litigiousness. It is better to maintain a neutral position.
Volunteers also encounter cases of selfish behavior of their charges. People with disabilities - both children and adults - can ask volunteer helpers for expensive gifts. There is no need to follow their lead! A volunteer spends his time helping those in need, but he is not required to be a sponsor.
When engaging in volunteer activities, a person realizes that there are many like-minded people next to him, who are also ready to selflessly help other people. This is a wonderful, bright feeling!
How to spot rescuer syndrome
Rescuer syndrome can be distinguished from altruism by the reason a person gives for helping. Clinical psychologist Mary Lamia, MD, explains in an article for Psychology Today that healthy helping is built on the desire to improve the life of another. The activity of a rescuer is connected precisely with his emotional needs, the need to assert himself and feel approval.
The rescuer perceives and evaluates himself through caring for others, but cannot always understand whether this care is necessary. And if someone is in a really difficult situation, the actions of the rescuer can even be harmful. The rescuer suppresses and underestimates the initiative of the one he is helping, and expects the person to simply follow his instructions.
Psychotherapists and coaches have prepared a checklist of 25 questions to identify the syndrome. If a person answers “Yes” to most of them, there is a high probability that he is prone to rescue. Here are some of the questions you can use to assess your condition:
- Do you find it difficult to find time for yourself?
- Are you always ready to help people in need?
- Do you have a tendency to take responsibility for people in trouble?
- Do you often can't stop talking, thinking and worrying about other people and their problems?
- Do you have a tendency to help everyone around you, whether they ask for help or not?
- Do you feel uncomfortable receiving help from other people?
- Do you sometimes feel angry and/or resentful because you are always giving?
- Do you sometimes feel like you are being taken advantage of?
Clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Keller says that over time, rescuers can feel frustrated that they are not performing well in the tasks they have taken on. Or they may begin to feel resentful of the indifference and lack of gratitude of those around them whom they have tried so hard to help. At this moment, negative thoughts arise, by which you can also track your condition and understand what pulled you into rescue:
- I'm tired of taking care of everyone.
- I help without being asked, and then I get upset when people don't appreciate it.
- I experience the stress of caring for others.
- I get jealous when I help people achieve their dreams.
- It's okay for me to give up on my own dreams as long as my family is successful.
- I get tired trying to solve several problems at once, none of which are my own.
Rescuer syndrome can seriously affect work. For example, among specialists in the so-called helping professions: nurses and doctors, including psychotherapists, teachers, nannies, caregivers, rescuers, police officers. As noted in a study on burnout among workers in these professions, first responders may feel frustrated by not receiving the gratitude they feel they deserve or by not being able to save and help everyone. Ultimately, this leads to burnout and the inability to provide the help that is truly needed.
Ksenia, 34 years old
I created and led an interesting social project to help children, people admired it, invited me to speak and talk about it on the radio and at events, and cited me as an example. But over time, inside myself I began to feel dissatisfaction, anger, and fatigue. Mindless self-sacrifice to the detriment of myself and the cultivation of these values in the team ultimately drained my resources and the resources of my assistants.
I realized that I needed to stop. I paused the project, started looking for help and found it in the 12-step program for codependents. In the process, I saw my unhealthy motivation. Having shaken myself up, I was able to lead the project again - already in a state of peace, joy and with a caring attitude towards myself.
No matter how banal it may sound, I realized that it all came from childhood, from family. My mother tolerated my father’s infidelities, sacrificed herself, but they still separated. And I think it was self-sacrifice to nowhere. And then I grew up and started helping addicts, also sacrificing myself in my own way: even before my project and working with children, I helped adult drug addicts. And often I literally ran after people who refused help. Just as my father was unavailable to me, so were they. I was looking for love and acceptance from cold people.
Examples of charity and patronage in life
You can find the most incredible stories of charity on the Internet:
- Chuck Feeney, the creator of Duty Free stores, has given away almost all of his fortune to date and is not fazed by the prospect of dying penniless.
- Warren Buffett donated $14.7 billion to fight poverty, treat HIV/AIDS and polio.
- George Soros gave about $3.1 billion to programs for the development of democracy and human rights.
- The Walton family supports educational projects with $2.3 billion.
- The Arnold family spent $1.2 billion on education, criminal justice and health care.
- Roman Abramovich takes part in social projects to support art, Jewish communities, seriously ill children, and sports development.
- Vladimir Potanin supports young teachers, students, education and science in Russia.
- Gennady Timchenko helps financially the elderly, families with adopted children, and gives money to cultural and scientific projects.
And there are actually many similar examples. Such people are the engines of progress in civilized countries. They change their lives for the better and help others do the same.
Another example of his charity is given in his Telegram channel by the author of this blog, Pavel Butor.
Be willing to listen
If a person meets you halfway and wants to share his difficulties, find attention and time for him. If you have a lot of tasks at work and at home, this will not be easy. Assess in advance whether you have the necessary resources. Ask yourself questions:
How One of the Most Famous Photos Ever Taken Helps Solve Problems
Semyon Treskunov told who he really considers his mother
Michelin guide inspectors will secretly visit Moscow restaurants and rank the best
- What will I do if my strength to help is exhausted?
- Do I have enough time to do my own things?
- What exactly can I do to help? Perhaps you only have enough strength to listen and sympathize?
- How often will I be able to listen and support?
Your task is to let your loved one speak out. Don't try to imagine logical answers and recommendations.
Legal basis
International Day of Charity is celebrated on September 5th. It is dedicated to the death of Mother Teresa, who was considered the most kind and sacrificial. And on this day, companies, firms, rich people strive to do shares of good deeds.
Each country has laws on charity. For example, in Ukraine it is clearly stated what it is, what forms it has, and who has the right to engage in this type of activity. Founders of organizations must be over 18 years of age. The document states that such organizations are obliged to provide free access to reports and other types of accounting papers. The clauses about assistance to them from the state only state that state bodies do not interfere with the implementation of their activities.
But in European countries, those who do charity work are given tax holidays or some kind of tax discounts, interest rates are reduced, and they contribute in every possible way to such good deeds.
In Russia, this type of activity is also prescribed in legislation. This is the Federal Law “On Charitable Activities and Volunteering (Volunteering)” dated August 11, 1995 No. 135-FZ. Here the range of actions of government bodies expands slightly: they can promote volunteer activities within the framework of the legislation of the Russian Federation.
In Belarus, too, this type of activity is specified in the law “On Charitable Activities and Charitable Organizations” of November 14, 2002. By the way, here in the law I saw clearly stated clauses on supporting charitable activities. That is, at the state level, such activities are supported: financing, benefits for obtaining a license, exemption from rent, etc.
Psychological and physical benefits of charity
Let me quote a wise man: “Charity is important for the development of any society and is a marker of its maturity.” This should become a person's habit. Why is this useful? Why is charity needed?
There is a lot of research on this topic. And it has already been scientifically proven: when a person does good to another, he feels happy. We see in many books that our goodness comes back to us. The Bible says that “God loves a cheerful giver,” which means he returns our goodness to us. And it can’t just be money: you helped someone (just not out of self-interest), then another person helped you.
This is a physical benefit.
The reasons for good actions can be psychological problems. This is how a person solves them. And that's not a bad thing. Better this than some kind of addiction. When a person gives money, he then receives a return: in money, respect, good deeds for him, various pleasant situations. And life satisfaction, contentment, positivity comes.
This is a psychological benefit.
The creator of this blog, Pavel Butor, speaks well about the benefits of charity in financial and psychological terms in his Telegram channel.
Why there is a need to please other people
A person may strive to please others for several reasons:
- Need for love. A person wants to attract someone's attention. He tries to win love with his kindness.
- Fear of being rejected. A people-pleaser can have a certain social circle. To maintain interest in himself, such a person strives to fulfill the desires of other people. A person does not want to end up an outcast. He is afraid of such a consequence.
- Low self-esteem. Many people pleasers lack self-confidence. Thanks to good deeds, they win the approval of others and receive support. Self-esteem temporarily increases.
However, there are also people who hide bad intentions behind good intentions. At first they help, and then they begin to manipulate, putting pressure on a sense of duty and guilt. In this way, people-pleasers try to get a certain benefit for themselves, to make their lives better.
The print will make your figure perfect: classic dresses of the year for women over 45
Lemon water: the right drinks to start your day with
Instead of our “Ku-ka-re-ku!”: Australians wake up to the hubbub of parrots (video)
Trip to nature
Organize a trip to nature. There is no need to gather a noisy, large company, let the trip be calm. The goals are to breathe and take a walk. Choose a calm, beautiful place: embankment, park, forest. It will not be superfluous to observe natural phenomena: how leaves fall, whether it rains or snows. For anything that doesn't require participation. The healing effects of nature are irreplaceable. Perhaps, in a calm, contemplative state, a person will finally share the reason for exhaustion and talk about his difficulties. In some cases, a silent walk will be effective.
Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting can be identified based on a number of characteristic signs. To do this, you need, first of all, to listen carefully to your own feelings. Here is a list of “symptoms” that may indicate that you have entered into a relationship with a manipulator:
- you think you are doing everything wrong;
- you push your desires to the background;
- you feel anxious and unsure of yourself;
- you always blame yourself if something goes wrong;
- you have difficulty making even simple decisions;
- you suspect yourself of being overly sensitive;
- you stopped enjoying your favorite activities;
- you think that you were more confident and cheerful before;
- you often apologize to your partner, parents, colleagues.
As a rule, psychological violence occurs gradually and unnoticed. A person who is gaslighted usually goes through three stages. They are not always consistent and may overlap each other.
Specific measures
Hugs, friendly participation, support undoubtedly have a beneficial effect. However, burnout may require specific help. In such a state, it can be difficult to solve the most insignificant problems. Ask if there is anything you can do for the burnt out person. Be specific with the question: “Do you want me to clean your house?” Make a list of the tasks you will take on while your friend recovers.
