Envy is an unpleasant human feeling caused by irritation, as well as displeasure from the well-being and achievements of other people. Envy is a constant comparison and desire to possess something intangible or material. An envious feeling is common to all people, regardless of character, nationality, temperament and gender. Sociological studies have shown that this feeling weakens with age. The age group from 18 to 25 years old experiences envy acutely, and closer to 60 years old this feeling weakens.
Envy reasons
The reasons for this condition: dissatisfaction or need for something, lack of money, need, dissatisfaction with one’s appearance, lack of personal achievements.
Envy and its causes lie in a difficult childhood due to the fault of the parents, if the child was not taught to accept himself as he is, if the child did not receive unconditional love, but only received praise for fulfilling certain requirements (washing dishes, playing the violin). If the parents scolded the child for any deviation from the rules, using offensive phrases, as well as using physical force. If parents taught their child that poverty, restrictions, sacrifice are normal, but being rich is bad. If the parents forced sharing and did not allow the child to freely dispose of his things, if they crushed him with a feeling of guilt for the achieved happiness, joy, if they taught him to openly fear manifestations of personal happiness in order to avoid the evil eye. If parents did not give the attitude to expect good things from life, but instilled personal life attitudes such as “life is hard” or “life is a big problem.”
As a result, a person grows up who does not know how to enjoy life, who has a huge number of complexes, beliefs, self-restraints, and norms adopted from their parents. An envious feeling is instilled in someone who is internally unfree, who has been instilled with self-criticism, self-sacrifice, who has been kept in strictness and has not been taught to expect bright and positive things from life. Such a person grows up in restrictions and further limits himself, does not give himself freedom, does not allow himself to show joy.
What does envy mean? To envy means to live constantly in a system of comparison and identification. “Better - worse” is the main criterion for comparison. An envious person, comparing himself, begins to realize that he is worse in something else. In fact, these two concepts do not exist by themselves; they live in our heads.
The reason for envy is also explained by the fact that we communicate with ourselves around the clock, and whom we envy we observe only for a moment. So contradictions collide: the line of one’s own life and the flashes of brightness of someone else’s life.
What are the fruits of envy? Why is envy dangerous?
Manifesting itself in a person, envy can have the following bitter fruits and outgrowths: rivalry, anger, malice, schadenfreude, enmity and hatred, quarrels, discord, slander, lies and slander, sneaking, secret slander, base sneakiness, gloating in the misfortune of neighbors, deceit and hypocrisy and much more. The grace of God seems to leave the heart of an envious person. The crown of all virtues is love: it is the path to salvation. Envy destroys love between people, dries up, devastates human souls, planting hatred and malice in them. In many places of Holy Scripture, envy is placed along with murder (Rom. 1:29; Gal. 5:20-21), for everyone who hates his brother (neighbor) is a murderer (1 John 3:15). An envious person, if he remains in envy until the end of his life and does not repent, deprives himself of the Kingdom of God (Gal. 5:21). Envy is enmity against all that is good, loss of love and fear of God, blindness of the mind, darkness of the soul, deadly poison of the soul, the beginning of eternal sorrows. Such is the destructiveness of this terrible vice!
Signs of envy
Often, after telling someone about personal joy, we feel that they are not sincerely happy with us, although they try to show it.
How can you learn to recognize the signs of envy? Body language will help you understand and see the signs of envy of your interlocutor. Watch your interlocutor's face carefully. A tense smile reflects a person’s ambivalent state. It's easier than ever to fake a smile. An insincere smile is indicated by a crooked smile in the mouth and a lack of sparkle in the eyes. If you notice your interlocutor smiling with just his mouth, this is an insincere facial expression, but just a mask. An envious smile opens or closes the teeth, and may be less wide than usual. The lips are tense, and the corners of the mouth are often stretched unnaturally. The person is trying with all his might to show joy, while overcoming his own resistance. The smile visually looks like it is glued on, living separately from the face, the corners of the lips are lowered down, the eyes are prickly and attentively observing. A person unconsciously extinguishes his own smile. Sometimes a person smiles on only one side, showing more of a grin than a smile itself. The head is tilted to the side. Skeptics tend to exhibit this behavior. Sometimes a person squints his eyes and holds his hands near his mouth, covering it. Closed poses (hands hidden behind the back, in pockets) indicate a person’s desire to isolate himself.
The tilt of the body also says a lot during a conversation. If a person moves away during a conversation, this indicates that he wants to stop it, perhaps it is unpleasant for him. The degree of sincerity is determined by the change in the degree of freedom, as well as the amplitude of movements. If the interlocutor is extremely constrained and reserved, then there is a possibility that he is holding back his thoughts and, if possible, not showing them to his interlocutor.
Main manifestations
- During communication, he expresses sarcasm or aggressive behavior in order to assert himself at the expense of another person.
- It's the wrong reaction when someone talks about their achievements. Instead of joy - indifference or an aggressive attitude.
- Copying human behavior. If someone starts imitating another, he is definitely jealous of him.
- Changes in friend's behavior. A person is not able to rejoice in the success of his comrade.
Research on envy
Many people claim that envious feelings are unfamiliar to them. This is a controversial statement. Philosophers considered envy as a universal human phenomenon, observed in destructive functions, as well as in the desire to possess other people's property or appropriation of the achievements of another. Spinoza attributed the feeling of envy to displeasure at someone else's happiness. Democritus noted that an envious feeling gives rise to discord among people. Helmut Scheck presented a comprehensive analysis of envy, including the entire socio-psychological and social aspect of human behavior. Envy leads to “ego exhaustion” and produces a state of mental fatigue. G. Shek attributes it to illness. Once established, this condition becomes incurable.
Research from the National Institute of Radiology (NIRS) of Japan has found that the brain's response during envy is in the anterior cingulate cortex, and the same area responds to pain.
Melanie Klein notes that envy is the opposite of love and an envious person is uncomfortable with the sight of pleasure in people. Such a person only benefits from the suffering of others.
Christianity classifies an envious feeling among the seven deadly sins and compares it with a related despondency, but it is distinguished by its objectivity and is determined by grief for the well-being of one’s neighbor. The main reason for envy in Christianity is pride. A proud person cannot stand his equals, or those who are higher and in a more prosperous position.
Envy is born when the well-being of another arises, and with the cessation of well-being, it ceases. The following stages are distinguished in the development of an envious feeling: inappropriate rivalry, zeal with annoyance, slander towards the envious individual. Islam condemns envy in the Qur'an. According to Islam, Allah created people to experience feelings of envy as part of a worldly test, but warned them that they should avoid developing this feeling. There are tips to prevent the emergence of envious feelings.
Envy is an ambiguous feeling that stands at the origins of wars and revolutions, shooting arrows of witticisms. This feeling supports vanity, and also launches the black flywheel of social movements, acting as the reverse side of the cloak of pride.
The study of envy also discovered another function - stimulating, inducing human creative activity. Feeling envious, people strive for superiority and make discoveries. The idea of creating something to make everyone envious often leads to good results. However, the stimulating function is closely related to human destructive activity.
How to protect yourself from envy? To avoid an envious attitude towards themselves, people try to hide information about their well-being.
There are interesting data: 18% of respondents never tell anyone about their achievements and successes, up to 55.8% of respondents tell others about their successes if they trust their interlocutors.
Some philosophers, as well as sociologists, believe that an envious feeling is very useful for society. Envy breeds modesty. The typical envious person never becomes the person he envies and often does not get what he envies, but modesty provoked by fear of an envious feeling has important social significance. Often such modesty is insincere and false and gives people of low social status a sense of illusion that they are not in this position by force.
During the time of Cain and Abel, envious feelings suffered continuous attacks. Christians classified it as a mortal sin leading to the death of the soul. John Chrysostom ranked envious people among beasts and demons. And crowds of preachers, thinkers, and public figures attributed health problems, ozone holes, and civil wars to the concentration of envy in the blood of earthlings. Only the lazy one did not speak negatively about the envious feeling.
How does envy affect a person? In different ways, in some ways it is a useful thing. List of advantages of an envious feeling: competition, competition, survival mechanism, setting records. Lack of envy leads to the fact that a person remains unsuccessful and does not demand justice for himself.
Scheck argues that individuals are unable to recover from envious feelings, and that this feeling does not allow society to fall apart. In his opinion, envy is a natural reaction of an individual to frustration. Negative emotions that arise towards the object of envy (anger, frustration, hatred) act as defense mechanisms that mask the feeling of one’s own inferiority, while finding shortcomings in the object of envy, which makes it possible to reduce the significance of the object of envy and reduce tension. If a person realizes that the object of envy is not to blame for him, then aggression turns inside the envier himself, while transforming into the emotion of guilt.
G.H. Seidler believes that an envious feeling leads to emotional experiences that are difficult to bear (despair). An envious person is characterized by the presence of shame - this is a discrepancy with the ideal Self and the result of self-reflection. The emotion of envy has physiological manifestations: a person turns pale or yellow, and blood pressure rises.
How does envy affect the person being envied?
Surely, when you hear the phrase “envy with white envy,” it does not evoke any negative emotions. But, if this phrase was said in relation to you, then internal tension may arise. And then you involuntarily ask the question: “Is this envy really white and not black?”
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If your acquaintances envy you, this may indicate that everything is fine with you, since others want to have the same things as you. But the envy of other people definitely causes anxiety. And the thought itself begins to creep in that something bad is about to happen, but maybe nothing good happened at all.
Even if you don’t believe in energy and the evil eye, the very realization that someone has a not-so-pleasant feeling for you can cause quite significant anxiety. Moreover, you never know what to expect from someone who is jealous.
Signs that someone is jealous of you
If you yourself do not consider yourself to be an envious person, this does not guarantee that those around you do not experience similar feelings towards you. Around every person there are those who try to touch a nerve, do not watch their words, and make inappropriate jokes. This is primarily due to ignorance and lack of tact, but it can also indicate envy in your direction.
You can tell if someone is envious in front of you based on the three most common signs:
- Excessive and feigned expression of emotions;
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- A strained smile and general insincerity in facial expressions;
- Tightness and stiffness in gestures.
There are frequent and very unpleasant situations when one’s own friends and relatives fall into the cage of this destructive feeling.
Types of envy
Envy can be characterized by the following epithets: caustic, hostile, burning, fierce, cruel, hidden, spiteful, evil, good-natured, good, respectful, powerless, ferocious, wild, inexpressible, incredible, strong, painful, boundless, easy, uncontrollable, boundless, deep, involuntary, sharp, unsatisfied, simple, jealous, slavish, timid, terrible, deadly, secret, quiet, frank, humiliating, cunning, black, cold, white, omnipotent, pinching, salieric, satanic.
M. Scheler studied impotent envy. This is a terrible kind of envy. It is directed against the individual, as well as the essential being of an unfamiliar individual, it is existential envy.
Types of envy: short-term (situational or envy-emotion) - victory in competitions, long-term (envy-feeling) - a single woman envies a successful married woman, and an envious colleague envies a successful employee.
Bacon identified two types of envy: private and public. A public form should not be ashamed or hidden, unlike a secret (private) one.
Feelings of envy
Envy is a complex feeling that arises during the process of comparison. It is a mixture of irritation, resentment, aggression, and bitterness. An envious feeling arises when comparing your health, yourself, your appearance, your position in society, your abilities, your successes with those people who undeservedly and deservedly have more. Frequent envy causes stress, wearing out the nervous system. The psyche activates a safety algorithm and causes contempt for the object of envy.
Envy gnaws and discontent grows if someone has something that is desirable for the individual. Dissatisfaction with the luck of another individual is expressed in hostility towards him. In some cases, frustration and depression appear due to one’s perceived inferiority, and a desire to possess the missing property. Due to the fact that the desired object is often unattainable, the envious feeling is resolved through the renunciation of desires, as well as the acceptance of reality.
The feeling of envy is conventionally divided into black and white. In the first case, it is marked by a conscious desire for indirect or direct harm to the individual whom we envy. Religions do not share the feeling of envy, classifying it as a mortal sin. There is another side to this feeling, pushing towards personal achievements, being an incentive for progress.
How to stop being jealous
If you notice that envy has reached out its little hands to you, then you can do a few things:
- Set yourself goals. Long-term and short-term.
Let envy be your motivation to achieve them. Become better than you are!
- Plan fun activities for yourself.
If you envy someone else's interesting life, then come up with something interesting for yourself. This doesn’t even necessarily always require money.
- Focus on your health.
Start small: drink more water, do exercises in the morning. Concentrate on yourself, and then there will be no time for others.
- Surround yourself with people who radiate positivity.
Perhaps you are jealous because there are those around you who provoke you. Pay attention to simpler people - they will charge you with positive emotions.
Psychology of envy
Human envy manifests itself in a feeling of annoyance and irritation, hostility and hostility caused by the success, well-being, and superiority of another person. An envious person attributes the object of his envy to the winner, and considers himself a loser. No reasonable arguments can stop negative emotions. People's envy turns someone else's success into their own inferiority; someone else's joy provokes their own annoyance and dissatisfaction.
Human envy forces an individual to experience a bouquet of negative emotions: ill will, resentment, anger, aggression. The manifestation of white envy allows you to rejoice in other people's successes.
The psychology of envy and its occurrence is associated with several theories. The first classifies this feeling as innate, genetically determined and inherited from our ancestors as a result of evolution. It is believed that human envy in primitive society was an impetus for self-improvement. Men's envy pushed them to improve their fishing gear and weapons, while women's envy pushed them to attract men through constant adornment of themselves.
Navigation for the article “Envy: how to get rid of envy?”
- How does envy manifest itself? Why people envy Stage of envy “Unconscious envy”
- Stage of envy “Insufficiently conscious envy”
- Option “Devaluing someone else’s success, achievements, abilities, talents”
- Option “Devaluing your success, achievements, abilities, talents”
- Option “Narcissistic envy”
- Option “Black Envy”
- Stage of envy “Chasing illusory happiness”
- Stage “Value-oriented life”
Teenage envy
Teenage envy can be directed at a variety of attributes: talent, physical strength, height, hair color, physique, possession of gadgets. Adults should be understanding of teenage envy, which worsens during this period. You should not immediately respond to all the teenager’s requests and satisfy his desires, thereby pleasing him. The mistake parents make is that they immediately acquire the desired thing, brushing aside the problem, and the next time the situation repeats itself and the envious feeling takes root, turning into a habit.
None of us are born envious; this feeling develops throughout life. When adults give an example of a more successful peer, they thereby cultivate their own embittered envious person, rather than create healthy competition. Under no circumstances should you resort to such comparisons. In each such case, the child will develop an envious feeling, which will turn into irritation. The teenager will experience his own inferiority, and will also put on himself the hated label of a loser. The child’s world will begin to be perceived in a distorted reality, and comparison with other teenagers will become dominant.
How to overcome envy? The task of parents is to help the teenager assert himself, as well as determine his personal life position. Explain to your child that an envious feeling primarily causes harm through its experiences. These experiences affect not only the teenager’s psyche, but also their physical condition. An envious feeling must be treated as a personal enemy and not given the opportunity to defeat oneself.
Knowing the reasons and reasons that provoke an envious feeling, and this is someone else's wealth, the beauty of another person, good health, prosperity, talent, intelligence, you can prepare yourself to meet this. It is necessary for yourself to identify personal achievements and talents, and in no case compare yourself with others. Man is imperfect, so smart people strive to be content with what they have and what they themselves can achieve, but we will always be less envious. If all these simple truths are conveyed to the child at an early age, the teenager will grow up happy and free. Therefore, it is important to help children decide in time by making the right choice. Parents must prove this by personal example and under no circumstances enviously discuss the success of relatives and neighbors in front of them.
How does envy affect a person? An envious feeling acts as a means of manipulation and poses a danger to the weak in spirit. Such individuals will do anything to achieve what they want. Envy is similar to anger, but anger, once activated, spills out, and an envious feeling lurks and destroys a person from the inside. An envious feeling, condemned by society, should also be condemned by the person himself. This is the only way to free yourself from it. A teenager must independently learn to recognize the envious feeling that he tries to win over to his side, thereby destroying relationships with friends, making him joyless and gloomy.
A widespread theory is that it notes the emergence of envy in a person in the process of social life. This theory is of the opinion that envious feelings are a consequence of improper upbringing of a child, which arises when compared with other children.
Why do people envy others? What is envy?
Envy is a kind of aggression caused by the success of others. This is the desire to undeservedly acquire some other person’s resource, the inability to rejoice in the happiness of others.
Envy is greed and gloating merged into one; it is selfishness multiplied by malice.
What are the disadvantages of envy?
1. It clouds common sense and very often pushes you to rash actions. 2. Envy spoils a person’s relationship with others. 3. It destroys a person from the inside, prevents him from soberly and sensibly assessing the state of things and the situation. 4. Leads to anxiety, lack of sleep and insomnia. 5. Causes a person to morally decompose and leads to loss of moral qualities.
