Codependency. How to understand that a person is codependent and how to help?

The problem of codependency is widespread today, but it is often not perceived as such. Therefore, people can live for years in complex, painful, destructive relationships with painful psychological dependence on another, consider this the norm and not even try to look for a way out of the situation. Moreover, codependency can be present not only in love relationships, but also between parent and child. But in any case, this is a psychological disorder and requires treatment. Fortunately, in most cases such a problem can be overcome, and the result is a new outlook on life and the opportunity to build healthy, harmonious relationships.

Content:

1. Causes of mental disorders
2. 12 signs of codependency
3. Who most often falls into codependency with drug addiction and alcoholism?
4. Codependency in drug addiction and alcoholism: features
5. How to cure codependency
6. Treatment of codependency from an alcoholic/drug addict

According to statistics, about 85% of relatives of drug addicts and alcoholics are codependent. This pathological condition is manifested by an incorrect attitude towards patients and a number of personal problems. Codependents are unable to correctly assess the current situation and make adequate decisions.

Without eliminating this disorder, all attempts to cure alcoholism and drug addiction will be unsuccessful. It is necessary to treat the codependency of loved ones in parallel with the elimination of the underlying disease.

Prevention of mutual dependence

Prevention of codependency should begin in early childhood. The main method of prevention is proper child upbringing. Parents should take care of developing adequate self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-confidence. You cannot forbid a child to openly show emotions, express feelings and desires.

If a dependent person appears in the family, the willingness to resist the pathological attraction should be put in the foreground, and not sympathy and pity. This is the only way to overcome addiction without becoming codependent and save your family.

If addiction and codependency appear, contact the Resident-ReNa rehabilitation center. Trust the professionals! Don't be ashamed of psychological problems! Take care of your future and the emotional health of your children!

Causes of mental disorders

The psyche of a loved one is trying to adapt to constant stressful situations, constant anxiety, and anticipation of negative incidents. Chronic fatigue and overload lead to exhaustion of the nervous system.

Against this background, adaptive mechanisms are activated that protect the psyche from disorder. Consciousness begins to gradually repress negative thoughts and experiences. They are replaced by a series of meaningless and harmful thoughts and actions. The relative stops noticing many problems, gets fixated on some ideas and tries with all his might to correct the situation. As a result, everyone gets worse.

What can you achieve with the 12 Step program?

In addition to answering the question: codependency - how to get rid of it, with the help of the program you can solve a number of problems, namely: • Make a person socially active, stop his self-isolation from society. • Teach the codependent to avoid conflicts in the family and at work or “extinguish” them at the very beginning. • Stop or neutralize any destructive relationships, and direct other relationships in a positive direction. • Teach a person to live his life, guided, first of all, by his own feelings, interests and needs. • To ensure that the codependent throws off the burden of responsibility for the life of the Other and bears responsibility, first of all, for himself and his behavior. • Give a person confidence in his importance for the whole society, and not just for one person, increase his self-esteem and teach him constructive, positive thinking.

And most importantly, the 12 steps teach a person to establish and protect personal boundaries of his own Self in any relationship with other people and society.

Who most often falls into codependency with drug addiction and alcoholism?

The most striking symptoms of the disorder appear in:

• People from dysfunctional families who have gone through moral and physical humiliation, suppression, and tyranny.
• Former pupils of special children's institutions and homes.
• A person who has been humiliated by his peers.
• Persons suffering from neurotic disorders and other psychopathies.

Codependency in drug addiction and alcoholism: features

The disease process develops in stages, each period of development has its own symptoms.

Process stages:

• Early. It is manifested by increased attachment to the patient. Relatives try to bring excessive protectiveness into the relationship.
• Average. A loved one looks for many excuses for the vice of taking drugs or alcohol. He agrees with the addict’s arguments and complements them with his own erroneous reasoning. Antisocial behavior is softened and hidden from other people. But against this background, control over alcohol or drug addicts is increasing. Techniques of mutual manipulation begin to dominate in relationships.
• Late. Pathological relationships reach their climax. A codependent person completely loses the adequacy of his assessment of current events. She develops illnesses, develops feelings of hopelessness, and the question becomes more acute: what to do next.

Independent recovery from codependency in alcoholism and drug addiction is possible only with the participation of third parties who are persistent in providing evidence. The described stages occur in the form of role settings.

The following roles are distinguished in relationships:

• Savior. A person who is close to an alcoholic or drug addict strives to help him with all his might. To do this, the “saver” takes the place of the patient, looks for false causes of the disease, and denies the presence of addiction.
• The pursuer. This role behavior is adopted after the conviction that the “savior” tactics are unsuccessful. To this end, decisive control steps are being taken and a search for a specialist for therapy is being taken. It is during this period that the first contact between the patient and the narcologist occurs. After consultation, the specialist draws attention not only to the need to cure drug addiction or alcoholism, but also to the need to get rid of codependency with an alcoholic or drug addict. If the result turns out to be negative, then the codependent develops the following role.
• Victims . In the realization of powerlessness, the loved one falls into uncompromising condemnation of the addicted person, which intensifies both him and his own suffering.

What does it mean to give someone else responsibility for your life?

What does this mean in practice? – stop “saving.” If this is an adult and still capable person, stop sponsoring his dependent needs, stop solving everyday problems. If this is your adult child, if possible, give him a chance to live separately and resolve all issues independently.

Do not impose any decisions, doctors, or specialists. You have already made it clear that you are ready to help, you have already announced the coordinates of doctors and rehabilitation centers, psychologists and psychotherapists. Leave the opportunity to contact you for such constructive help. And try to minimize all other “gestures of mercy.”

The instinct of self-preservation, alas, can awaken in such a situation only when a person understands: no one is ready to “hold the rope” anymore. And when a person is faced with a real threat to his own health, and in the long term, his life, that’s when most often he begins to think.

By and large, there is nothing left to lose. If a person has been drinking, using drugs or gambling for years, and during all this time he has not decided to “climb out of the well” - you are already powerless in your “rescue”. Accordingly, it will only get worse.

If you give him responsibility for himself, things may also get worse, at least temporarily. But at least there is a chance of a turning point, a chance to overcome codependency and addiction.

Practice shows that it is quite high among those who have still retained enough health and have at least some clues in life, for example, there is still a matter that is not indifferent to the person or some kind of relationship, plans, at least something that can interest and motivate .

There is one more consideration in favor of this tactic. The fact that you bury yourself in attempts to “save” a loved one will not make it easier for anyone - neither him nor you. Codependency and relationships built on such a foundation only worsen his situation.

And your situation is aggravated by the fact that you do not live for yourself, and therefore cannot offer anyone - neither him nor other close people - any incentive to live, no example, no nourishment, nothing. Because you are exhausted and living your life in misery. But an unhappy person, in fact, can hardly bring good to someone, much less save someone.

These principles work especially well in the early stages of chemical dependence; they also work when a person is heavily and long-term dependent, but maintains general health and social adequacy.

If the disease is at such a stage when there is complete incapacity and symptoms of severe mental damage, all you can do is seek the participation of doctors, and if this is not possible, then all that remains is to save yourself.

No one has removed this responsibility to life, yourself and other loved ones from you. And in this case, I consider it obligatory for you to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist. Regardless of how progress is made in resolving the problem with your addicted family member.

How to cure codependency

Not only the patient with addiction, but also his relative comes to the initial consultation with a narcologist. At the doctor's office he learns for the first time that he has a problem. The specialist has to provide evidence of its existence. Only after realizing this fact does it make sense to begin overcoming addiction.

When detecting this disorder, the doctor must:

• Explain the essence of psychopathology.
• Provide indisputable evidence of its presence in the codependent person.
• Convince of the need to undergo special psychocorrection.
• Insist on mutual recovery of both the client of the drug clinic and his subordinate loved one.

Tell us more about the history of this program.

It all started with the creation of the community “Alcoholics Anonymous” (hereinafter referred to as AA), uniting those who decided to get rid of the common problem of alcoholism forever through joint efforts and sharing successful experiences of such attempts. Anyone who wanted to quit drinking was accepted into such communities, without any restrictions, payment of entrance fees and membership fees. The goal of AA was to achieve and maintain a sober lifestyle, as well as a complete abstinence from alcohol-containing drinks.

Why did I focus on successful experience? Because stories about unsuccessful attempts and complaints about life can negatively affect the healing process. The number of recoveries is significantly higher in groups where such behavior is prohibited. Information about successful attempts to combat alcoholism promotes recovery, as it inspires hope and faith in the power of the human will. A person thinks something like this: “If he or she could do it, then why can’t I? This means that all is not lost and there is hope that I can cope too.”

The first Washington Society was created in 1840 and united alcoholics on the idea of ​​mutual aid. The end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries became the time when Christian organizations became involved in the problem of alcoholism. But in its present form, the history of the AA organization began in the thirties of the 20th century with the American Bill Wilson, who was repeatedly hospitalized due to alcohol addiction. After his last hospitalization, he managed not to drink for six months. But the craving for alcohol remained so strong that Bill tried to shift his attention to helping other alcoholics. That's how he met Dr. Bob Smith, a fellow drunkard. The result of their acquaintance and conversations was the idea of ​​salvation by following the basic spiritual principles - faith in God, helping people, honesty, etc. 06/10/1935 Bob Smith drank his last bottle of beer and this day became the date of the creation of Alcoholics Anonymous. The basis of recovery in AA is the 12 Step program for alcoholics, described in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, a joint work of those who have recovered from addiction. The text of the program was developed at the end of 1938. Since then, the program has been adapted and extended to other types of addictions - drug, food, sexual, gaming, information, as well as to workaholics and codependents.

In fact, the 12 Step program for addicts is being developed in response to current problems in society that affect all types of addictions. At the same time, their characteristics are taken into account, but the main spiritual values ​​on the basis of which the program operates do not change.

Treatment of codependency from an alcoholic/drug addict

Not all people can get rid of the deviation on their own. Therefore, it is better to immediately resort to the help of a psychotherapist. In psychiatry and narcology, in these cases, special methods of Novikova and Weinhall are offered. With their help, positive treatment results are achieved for both those addicted to psychoactive substances and codependents.

To help with codependency, the following are used:

• Individual psychotherapy with an emphasis on persuasion. If necessary, it is supplemented by suggestion in reality.
• Hypnotherapy.
• Behavioral therapy.

A positive result comes very quickly. A psychologist not only helps to get rid of psychopathology, but also teaches the correct behavior with an addict.

The text was checked by medical experts: Head of the socio-psychological service of the Alkoklinik MC, psychiatrist-narcologist L.A. Serova.

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Who can become codependent?

The main condition for the formation of codependency is the presence of a relative, lover or friend suffering from any form of addictive behavior:

• drug addiction;
• alcoholism;
• addiction to gambling;
• workaholism;
• shopaholism;
• dependence on medications;
• eating disorder.

At risk:

• one of the spouses married to a dependent person;
• parents or older brothers/sisters of the addicted person;
• children of dependent parents;
• persons with a history of addiction;
• people who grew up in asocial families in which adults suffered from a mental disorder or addiction were often subject to stress, aggression, did not provide full attention to children, and used violent methods in educational measures.