Introverted child: Character traits
Introverts are people who do not need others to replenish their mental energy.
They get nourishment from sleep, spiritual food (music, films, art) and can easily do without communication for a long time. Energy is directed inward, towards one’s own feelings and experiences. There are obvious introverts among children. To correctly select parenting methods, parents need to know what type their child has. You can notice the traits of an introvert at a very early age, even in the first year of life.
Here are some telltale signs of an introverted child:
- Such children are not inclined to communicate with peers. Sometimes this can even be a burden to them. They treat loneliness normally and don’t worry about it.
- If the child is very young, he may refuse to be held by strangers. Also, most likely, he will burst into tears if there is too much attention from the crowd, for example, at a holiday.
- Lack of communication breeds insecurity. Such children are also overly touchy.
- They get tired quickly at public events and ask to go home throughout the holiday.
- Often creative individuals. They have a vivid imagination and draw well. They can spend a long time doing this activity, even alone.
If you notice such traits in your child, you should not sound the alarm. These are mental characteristics and are not a deviation.
A child who does not run to play in a crowd of children, but spends time with toys, most likely does not need a huge amount of communication; he is interested in himself. This is normal, and you shouldn’t push him out onto the playground with the kids if the baby doesn’t want it. When under pressure, an introverted child may withdraw into himself
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Is it possible to change from an introvert to an extrovert?
Unconditional trust in parents
For introverted children, parents are the closest and dearest people, whose reliability and support there is no doubt. You should treat such trust with care and remember that the child believes every word said. Over time, he himself will tell you what and who he is interested in, the main thing is to give him the opportunity to speak out, and until then, do not pester him with persistent premature questions, and do not abuse parental authority. The more the child’s personality traits are taken into account in the process of upbringing, the more successful the results will be.
If your child is shy, find out how to help overcome it. And if he doesn’t know how to stand up for himself , analyze whether there are any mistakes in his upbringing.
Introverted child: How to raise?
Introverted children are often silent and keep everything to themselves, but if they can trust a person, they become interesting conversationalists and attentive listeners. They are calm, and thanks to their perseverance, they achieve academic success more easily than extroverts.
- New acquaintances cause stress in introverted children. Therefore, parents should prepare their introverted child in advance for changes in environment
. - Parents should treat such a child more carefully
. If you are planning a trip to an unfamiliar place, it makes sense to tell your child about the upcoming event and discuss who he might meet there. Tell why friendship is needed and how beautiful it is. - Introverted children are in dire need of personal space
. Parents must respect the child’s desire to have a secluded corner where he can be alone with himself and his thoughts. You should also be careful with your baby’s personal belongings. They mean a lot to such a child. - It is also important at first to help the child communicate with other people until he has acquired the ability to find a common language. It may be necessary, for example, to take the baby to other children on the playground and introduce them.
- You should not force a child to speak when he wants to remain silent
. Introverts restore vital energy by being inside themselves. And they spend it interacting with people. Therefore, it is quite possible that when returning from a noisy holiday, the baby will be silent and will not rush to talk about his impressions. This should not be confused with sullenness. Reluctance to talk does not mean that the child had a bad day, he just spent too much energy, and now he needs to restore it. - An introverted child does not immediately get used to new situations
. You need to respect his desire to get comfortable in a new team or environment. When you come to visit, let him play a little on the sidelines if there are a lot of unfamiliar children in the company. Once he gets used to it, he will blend into the atmosphere. The main thing for the mother is not to apply pressure during such “suspension.”
Without proper moral rest, communication brings unpleasant feelings to introverted children and exhausts them.
“Who needs you, such a beech!” The truth about introverted and extroverted children
“Why aren’t you friends with anyone? Look, there’s a girl, invite her to play” - a typical situation on the playground, when parents are trying to help children build their first social contacts. What determines how your child will communicate with others? This topic is discussed by Elena Pervushina in the book “The Enchantment of Friendship. Sociable child”, and we publish an excerpt from it.
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What do Khlestakov and Natasha Rostova have in common?
There is another important character trait that we often forget about, but which greatly influences our behavior. This character trait was first noticed by the famous psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung and divided people into extroverts - focused on the external world, and introverts - focused on their inner world.
However, people knew about extroverts and introverts even before Jung, but they did not call these character traits with special words. For example, in “Eugene Onegin” Olga, a lover of balls and noisy companies, is an extrovert; Tatyana, who is “wild, sad, silent, timid as a forest deer,” is an introvert. Khlestakov in Gogol's The Inspector General is an extrovert, Pechorin in A Hero of Our Time, and Lermontov himself are introverts.
It is easy to guess that it is not so easy for extroverts and introverts to understand each other. Let's remember another novel - "War and Peace". Natasha Rostova is almost one hundred percent extrovert, Princess Marya is an introvert. Having met, they experience an instinctive hostility towards each other. Natasha seemed to Princess Marya too fussy, talkative and cutesy, and Princess Marya seemed to Natasha too dry, gloomy and boring.
Company or loneliness?
You shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that all extroverts are cheerful, sociable and careless people, and all introverts are angry individualists. In fact, the only difference between an extrovert and an introvert is that introverts gain energy in solitude and spend it in society (but this does not mean that they cannot work or have fun in a company, they just need to first have a good rest in silence and concentration). Extroverts, on the contrary, recharge their energy in a crowd and spend it during individual work. But what they will direct the accumulated energy to depends on their upbringing and beliefs.
Are there 100% introverts and extroverts?
Carl Gustav Jung did not believe that a person can be exclusively an extrovert or an introvert. Rather, he imagined extroversion and introversion as two ends of a long scale on which each person occupies his unique place. For example, a person can be 30% extrovert and 70% introvert, or 60% extrovert and 40% introvert.
Much depends on how well a person knows his character and knows how to respect his own individuality. Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin very successfully used his extroverted side for friendly parties and social pleasures, and his introverted side for creativity. But Lermontov, judging by his poems, never learned this trick (although, most likely, he was a much greater introvert than Pushkin).
What determines the degree of extroversion - introversion?
Apparently, the degree of extroversion and introversion in a person’s character is programmed genetically and is associated with metabolic characteristics. It is no coincidence that in adolescence, during a period of rapid hormonal changes, the extroversion or introversion of character inherent in a child from birth increases to the limit. Some teenagers disappear into groups all day long, others withdraw into themselves.
Who is your child
Extroverted children, as a rule, want to immediately tell everyone about their impressions and ideas to everyone nearby; if there is no one nearby, they will talk to themselves (“Now I’ll take the blocks and build a bridge”, “Where did this car go?”, “What a stupid task!”). They love to spend time in company, express their feelings violently, make emotional gestures, often break their distance, they need to be constantly approved, and they will always ask and ask again if you like their gift and if you have forgotten that your son I got two A's today.
Introverted children tend to watch and listen for a long time before joining in on an activity, speak only after they have thought about the topic thoroughly, and are willing to talk only to close and trusted people. They are focused on the subject of their interest, have a strong sense of personal space and do not like anyone sitting too close or entering their room without knocking. During strong experiences, they “freeze” and withdraw into themselves. To understand how they feel, you need to question them long and carefully (often they themselves do not fully understand what is happening to them), because they do not allow their emotions to come to the surface. Since our world is largely designed for extroverts, introverted children really need the help and support of their parents. Help, of course, should not consist of “scratching” the introvert out of his shell at any cost.
How to raise extroverts and introverts
1. Help recharge your batteries
If a child is tired and unhappy, the likelihood of conflict increases sharply. Extroverts who lack communication and introverts who lack isolation are potential sources of problems. Try to let your child live in a way that is natural and comfortable for him. The child does not always understand his needs, so he needs help with advice: “It seems that you are tired and that’s why you snap at everyone. Maybe you should go and relax in your room?”, “You seem to be tired of boredom. Would you like to call a friend? Or let's play lotto."
2. Teach to respect the needs of other people
For example, personal space is very important for introverts; they experience almost physical pain if the interlocutor comes too close and talks too loudly. This needs to be explained to an extroverted child: “The girl seemed scared when you started screaming and waving your hands in front of her nose. I know that you didn’t mean anything bad, you just couldn’t wait to tell her about the new game, but she didn’t understand that. Please go to her and quietly explain that you didn’t mean to scare her.” But the girl also needs to be explained that the boy did not want to offend her, he was just very passionate about his story.
Books and films will help children understand each other. For example, in the book “Pippi Longstocking” the main character is a typical extrovert, in the book “The Kid and Carlson Who Lives on the Roof” the Kid is an introvert. Ask your child who he would like to be friends with - Pippi or the Baby, how he would explain to Pippi that she doesn’t always behave correctly, what he would say to the Baby’s parents, etc. Give these books to your child to read: it’s possible , he will find there answers to some questions that he himself cannot yet formulate.
3. Consider your character
Introverted parents can become very tired of their parenting responsibilities, especially if they have energetic and restless children. There is no need to be ashamed of this fatigue, it does not mean that you do not love your children enough, just try to organize their leisure time so that they spend time with other people more often - visiting, in clubs, etc. - and give you the opportunity to relax and gain strength in solitude. Both sides will benefit from such a regime: the children will have enough communication and impressions, and you will have enough strength to help the children in really important cases.
On the other hand, extroverted parents may too often “pull” a serious and withdrawn child with the best of intentions. It seems to them that without noisy companies and active activities, the child is bored. But if a child is an introvert, he will most likely perceive non-stop communication as stressful. As one teenage girl with an introverted personality wrote: “We don’t need to be constantly forced to communicate. We are not shy. We’re just better off this way.”
If you constantly repeat to an introvert: “Why are you still sitting like an owl? So you will never have friends who need you, such a beech,” this will lead to insecurity and an inferiority complex. Many introverted adults sincerely believe that they are bad at communicating, when in fact they simply need less communication than their extroverted relatives and friends.
But an extrovert can also feel inferior if he constantly hears: “Why are you still doing nonsense! I should sit down and read a book!” In fact, an extrovert will read a book with pleasure if he can immediately tell someone about what he read or act out the most vivid scenes in the home theater. Or, for example, he will easily learn a foreign language, but not at home with textbooks, but in a conversation group, where he can communicate all the time.
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Love of learning
Little introverts have a genuine thirst for knowledge. However, being surrounded by active and noisy classmates, it is quite difficult to show this to them.
It is much easier for students with this psychological characteristic. After all, the education system adopted at universities best suits their characteristics. Most introverts are good at expressing their thoughts and often keep a personal diary secretly from others. As a rule, such people love to read and get great pleasure from it. They also like to listen to what is written by various authors. There is a constant, ongoing dialogue in their minds, and the information they learn is compared with their own opinions and reactions.
The ability to enjoy the little things
The peculiarity of an introverted child lies in the fact that he knows how to “smell roses.” In other words, such children enjoy the present, appreciate the little things and will not pass by anything without examining everything on the object, even the smallest details.
Often such children find interesting activities for themselves without even leaving home. They are happy because of the leisurely pace of life and the existence of simple pleasures.
Reliable friends
Introverts are understanding and compassionate, caring and loyal. All this, as well as their ability to listen to their interlocutor, makes such people simply invaluable friends.
Getting along with another person is not easy for an introvert. However, if this happens, then the relationship created will be long and strong. Introverts do not have a tendency to conflicts and competition, which can destroy children's friendships. Such a child has few friends, but he values them very much.
Features of behavior and psyche
Introversion manifests itself in children starting from 4 months of age. Very often, parents of an introverted child are very concerned about his shyness. He is reluctant to make contact even with peers, preferring solitary games. If the baby finds himself in a large company, he will prefer to watch what is happening from the side rather than take part in it. Don't be afraid of this. Introverted children get along well with the people around them, they just take a little longer to get involved. Often, long games in a noisy company lead to tears and frustration for the child, since he does not tolerate too long and intense activity.
An introverted child has a very rich and vibrant inner world, a vivid imagination and a wide range of interests. He will not sit in front of the TV or on gadgets for days. Such children grow up to be wonderful artists, musicians, actors, dancers, painters and writers because they feel their emotions very deeply and express them in a special way. By the way, such children are not afraid to ask questions, no matter how difficult they may be. They try to thoroughly understand everything, strive to find out the essence of things, analyze events, conversations, emotions...
Introverted children always first study the situation for a long time, think through all the little things, and only then make a decision whether to participate in the ongoing event or not. They quickly abandon any idea if they feel any discomfort or threat.
Such a child makes any decision only based on his own thoughts and concepts about what is good and what is bad. He will not follow the opinion of the majority, try to please someone in order to have his own opinion in the team. These children also communicate differently. They do not look for friends in every child in the class or group. Even at a very young age, an introverted child needs a reliable friend, and not a wide circle of acquaintances.
Modesty
Today you can see children participating in various beauty contests, TV shows, etc. This is caused by parental vanity and the influence of show business and television on our lives. However, introverted children will never participate in the struggle of ambition. They do not need spotlights and worldly fame. They prefer the role of a spectator, but not an actor at all. With excessive interest in oneself, such a child may even develop physical illness. And this despite the fact that in a certain environment and in the appropriate mood, he will be glad to have someone else’s attention.
High level of emotional intelligence
Introverted children are very aware of their own feelings. However, parents often cannot understand this due to the delay in their children’s emotional reaction. In any situation, such a child seems cold, calm and indecisive. However, in fact, he just takes a pause, which is necessary for him in order to deal with the feelings and thoughts that have arisen, understand the essence of what is happening, think about it and develop the necessary reaction, taking into account the possible consequences of his actions. Introverted children begin to reason very early, and are sometimes considered wise beyond their years. Understanding a lot, they are usually able to empathize with other people.
An extrovert is a person who...
Little extroverts spend their entire infancy in the arms of their parents, because they want to see everything and “communicate” with everyone. They are constantly babbling something. Returning from school, such children will tell you in 15 minutes everything that happened during the day, as well as their plans for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. They need to immediately share their ideas and experiences with you, although they themselves have barely had time to “digest” them. They follow you around the house, demand your attention and are recharged with energy from you. They seem to be able to chat endlessly. Fortunately for you, they have many friends with whom they are always ready to chat and play.
As soon as little extroverts with a difficult character wake up, they are ready for active actions and conversations and easily turn their mother and father into “squeezed lemons.” And because they take up all of their parents' time and energy, their siblings may feel unloved and abandoned.
Tendency to adopt healthy habits
An extroverted child and an introverted child behave completely differently in life. The first of them is simply not able to slow down its rapid pace in order to regain strength. But introverts don’t burn out so quickly. The thing is that they, as a rule, are in no hurry. This is one of the reasons for the longevity of such people. Their health is helped by maintaining such character traits as lack of vanity and honesty, flexibility of thinking and perseverance, consistency and reliability. In this case, their life principle is also important, according to which they think first, and then act.
Masters of meaningful conversation
Despite their reticence in a group, introverts are natural conversationalists. They are considered excellent listeners. At the same time, such children are straightforward and reliable. Peers trust their taciturn friends completely. During a conversation, you can only hear important questions from an introvert. They will never interrupt the interlocutor or make insightful comments to him. In addition, people with this type of character always remember what others told them, and are literally able to understand a hint at a glance.
