Nice guy syndrome is a pattern of behavior of a representative of the stronger sex, aimed at the desire to look good in the eyes of others. Sensitive men believe that obedience and fulfilling the demands of society will help them realize themselves in society, as well as earn love.
Psychologists note that age does not matter for such a person. When a good guy makes others happy, he himself experiences positive emotions. But following the whims of relatives, friends or spouse prevents a man from living a full life, achieving success at work and in everyday affairs.
Definition of the concept
Psychology has a separate opinion on what the good guy syndrome is. From a scientific point of view, this term applies to a man who has the following characteristics:
- excessive softness;
- sensitivity
- vulnerability.
Such a representative of the stronger sex puts the needs of other people above his own. In the context of a relationship, this may mean refusing to express true feelings, avoiding conflicts, and indulging in any desires of a companion. However, the opposite sex often associates nice guy syndrome with unattractiveness or a lack of ambition.
Another explanation
Researchers from the University of Texas went further in their desire to find out what attracts women to the category of men who are called bad. They collected a sample of hundreds of women from 25 to 40 years old and asked them to view profiles on dating sites and videos depicting different lines of male behavior. Testing lasted three months.
As the results showed, the higher the concentration of sex hormones in the blood of women became (and we know that it changes depending on the cycle), the more boors and rude people they chose as potential life partners and fathers of children. To consolidate the result and purity of the experiment, the participants communicated with men acting out different lines of behavior. As a result, the bullies "overpowered" the good guys. Women saw in them the future fathers of their children and, moreover, they even believed that such men would change and become exemplary family men.
Testosterone levels are to blame. A woman who is at the stage of ovulation imagines that a brutal and rude man has more of this hormone than a soft and caring man. Hence the choice in favor of “bad fights”.
The researchers concluded that a girl chooses a partner not always relying on logic (even a female one). She thinks in cycles, and hormones are to blame.
Causes
Good boy syndrome develops in children raised by demanding and strict parents. Relatives value a child only when he behaves ideally: does not stomp, does not make noise, does not argue with adults. A little boy is not able to analyze such nuances, so he adapts to the family environment.
From childhood, a child learns that other people's desires and needs are more important than his own. Pleasing others is beneficial because it results in recognition. Shame is the worst punishment for a nice guy because he has realized that being himself is bad.
No one is looking for a bad person to be a partner on purpose.
People often find themselves in a relationship with someone who makes them unhappy. Partners are not necessarily bad, it is enough to be unsuitable - we have already decided on this. But even if there is a person who is bad in all dimensions, few people purposefully look for a disgusting mate. It’s hard to imagine that a girl as a child dreams of meeting a prince and being able to put a bag of pea ice cream on her black eye and wipe away his vomit when he comes home from partying drunk and wearing someone else’s lipstick.
Women choose men who seem good to them at the moment. And then whatever happens. Someone may continue to consider their partner the best on the planet. Someone breaks the connection with the thought: “Yeah, but he seemed so cool.” There may be misconceptions from the series “He behaved badly with everyone, but with me he behaved completely differently, my love will change him.” But even in this case, it is obvious that the girl is not looking for someone disgusting. She simply believes that the Beast’s shell hides a beautiful man who needs to be disenchanted. (Spoiler: it doesn't work.)
Symptoms of the syndrome
The nice guy syndrome has some peculiarities. A gentle and vulnerable man, he strives to help people. He is generous with gifts for girls, seeks the approval of others in every possible way and hides his shortcomings. Such a guy will not speak out loud about his own mistakes, because then his reputation will be ruined.
A good boy will be the first to close his mouth in an argument with a woman, wanting to find peace. He pays much more attention to solving his partner’s problems, maintaining the image of a gentleman. Managing a nice guy is easy - and it becomes a real problem in a relationship.
“Good” or “bad” guy – who do girls like?
It happens that in a guy’s life, not everything works out the way he wants with girls. At the same time, it seems to the guy that he is doing everything right - and this is “right”, he draws from some of his sources. Such sources of rules of behavior with a girl can be teachings in the family from parents, romantic-heroic literature, films, music, etc. And as a result, the guy was brought up on the ideals of goodness and justice, on honesty, on universal human values, on the principle of “do as you would like to be treated,” and much more. But for some reason, nowhere in these sources was it said how to seduce a girl or at least properly care for her. And if a guy’s character lacks some kind of courage and determination, then based on the sum of these factors, the result of the first relationship is quite predictable.
As a result of trying to behave with a girl according to all the principles known to the guy, some kind of garbage can turn out. And the girl, when she decides to refuse his advances, will most likely say: “You are a very good guy, but...” And, despite the fact that this is true, and the guy really tried to be good, those words that are said after are very seriously hurt. Well, it happens that the first time you are unlucky - the guy tries to get along with another girl. Perhaps something is already working out, perhaps not, but at the end she again hears approximately the same phrase: “You are a good guy, and some girl will be very lucky with you, but...” And again some kind of bullshit about what she someone else is needed.
After 2-3 failures, the guy will try to find some explanation for what is happening. And if he doesn’t have enough experience for self-analysis, then the two parts of the phrase “you’re a good guy” and “we need to break up” in his brain can be combined with the preposition WHY. Since he is a good guy, that is why we need to break up. If we add to this new information, which can easily be heard from the girls - “but he’s a goat, a beast, a bastard... but I love him and I can’t do anything” - then you get a whole conspiracy theory. A guy may start to think like this: “they don’t like good guys, but they like bad guys, so you have to become a bad guy, and then they will love you.”
I have given this entire long chain of formation of these delusional beliefs only so that you can realize them and find the mistake in it yourself. It is clear that when you yourself are inside this situation, everything looks completely different, plus the emotions are overwhelmingly negative. Logic fails, and the brain is looking for a way to deceive itself in order to come to some comfortable state. Comfort in this case is when you know that you have to become a “bad guy,” or comfort when you know that “women are fools.” And when you’re in trouble, and the girl you love leaves you, and you don’t know what to do about it, that’s discomfort.
But all that a good guy lacked was the knowledge and skills of how to seduce a girl. And in fact, the “good guy” and the “bad guy” have exactly the same chances of finding a girlfriend. By the way, girls can also be “good” and “bad”. Both of them can be seduced by both good guys and bad guys. The point here is not at all about goodness in general, but about how much the guy knows how to achieve his goal. I'll try to summarize what a guy, even a good guy, can do to get the girl he likes:
- Reconsider your attitude towards the girl. First of all, she is a girl (!), and only then – a person, a classmate, a colleague, or a friend.
- Understand a simple thing - you can start building relationships only after sex. There are exceptions, but I think our readers are not ardent fans of any churches, so we can leave them out. Before sex, it is better to avoid declarations of love, not to propose to meet and not to ask for marriage, especially not.
- Reconsider your attitude towards the process of courtship and seduction. After all, we are to some extent animals, and therefore we can learn from them how to behave with a girl to a greater extent than based on universal human principles.
- Do not be afraid of your male desires in relation to a girl. And either perform them (squeeze her butt) or voice them (say - I like to watch your nipples stick out through your T-shirt). Such honesty can lead to the desired result.
- Be persistent and decisive in your courtship. Don't be afraid to do the basics - hug, kiss, touch and seduce her. The words “molest” and “harass” have a negative connotation, but this is, in essence, what should be done - perhaps more gently. Whatever you call it, girls like it.
In fact, the only difference between good guys and bad guys is that some girls make love with, create families and give birth to children, while others fuck, hang out, and run away. So, when choosing the light or dark side of seduction, keep this in mind.
Articles on the topic
- Why do girls love "bad boys"?
- What to do if a girl has a boyfriend?
- The importance of a girl for a guy
- Why do girls get jealous?
How to get rid of the nice guy syndrome: my recommendations
Nice guy syndrome reduces quality of life because it is not easy to get rid of as an adult. You can be content with little and agree to compromises for many years, but it is quite possible to change everything now. The best place to start is by following a daily routine, and it is also important to learn to accept risks.
Don't run from your fears. It is impossible to be a nice guy to everyone; you need to take into account your own interests and aspirations. In relationships, focus on mutual desires, rather than blindly fulfilling the requests of your other half. Give up everything that takes up your time and does not bring positive emotions.
Goodness does not give the right to obligatory love
Anything can happen, so we need to discuss one more situation. Let's say our hero is a truly good guy: smart, kind, responsible, ambitious, capable of adequate behavior in various situations, understanding his needs and emotions, and so on. But still, the girls didn’t fall in love with him. Not even girls, but one - the one I wanted. It happens. And his opponent is much worse than him, and maybe even a notorious scoundrel.
But, most likely, he was rejected not because he was too cool. But because even exceptional qualities do not guarantee love. There is no manual “Do this and they will love you,” no matter what the infogypsies are trying to sell. Sincere feelings cannot be earned.
The chosen person may like the other for a million reasons. It's not about you, it's about him. (And then it’s time to return to where we started.) Not because he is good or bad. But because at this moment it seems suitable. But a suitable partner is also waiting for you somewhere.
"I don't need the Games the way I used to need them"
The entire wave of “doping accusations” passed Wild by. Neither Rodchenkov nor other “whistleblowers” dared to touch the Russian American personally. And Vic himself did not run away in horror, but remained faithful to the country where he managed to realize his dreams.
Nevertheless, before Pyeongchang 2018, his nerves were pretty frayed. Only shortly before the Games he learned that he was still allowed to compete. The two-time Olympic champion recalled all this as follows: “So many unknowns gave rise to apathy in me for the 2018 Games. I could not imagine that this doping scandal would affect me so much, and I was wrong. There was no former passion for the Games. What happened was shame, humiliation and the feeling of being an outcast.”
This time he failed to reach the medals. He stayed in the sport for another four-year cycle, but did not want to play political correctness at all. In November 2021, he told Match TV: “I don’t need the Games as much as I needed them before. If we go to China, we will again get negativity, again not the best environment for Russian athletes. We will still not be the Russian national team, but... What will we be called? Olympic athletes from Russia again? I don't want to be an asshole, but if you look at things realistically, I'm already done with my career. It was cool. Sochi was super cool. I have no expectations that China will have something similar to Sochi. Everything will be about the same as in Korea, and maybe worse.”
“Thank you for a wonderful 10 years.” The story of love and divorce between Zavarzina and Wilde Read more
What does it mean to love yourself
What does it mean to love yourself? No, you don’t need to kiss the mirror for this - start respecting yourself, recognizing the importance of your needs and desires, and also appreciating yourself simply for being you. This may sound sentimental, but if you ever want to find happiness, you won't find it in someone else. Yes, it’s as simple as that: you need to look inside yourself to find it.
You have to live with yourself 24 hours a day, every day for the rest of your life. You are more important to yourself than anyone else - be it your parents, wife, boss or friends. Yes, all of these people may be extremely important to you (well, with the exception of maybe your boss) - you're just a little more important to yourself, that's all. It's time to start taking care of yourself.
It's important to remember that when you learn to love yourself, even if your heart is broken, you won't feel alone. When you love yourself, other people begin to love and respect you more, because you are a self-sufficient person, the way you want to be, and not the way others want you to be.
When you respect your own needs, desires and boundaries, you become more difficult to manipulate, and the chances of entering into another toxic relationship decrease dramatically. But it's not just about the love and respect you receive from other people. Self-love is its own reward. Imagine what it would be like to love yourself so much that it makes you smile just because you are with the most amazing person in the world. Yourself.
“But isn’t that selfish?”
Well, yes. But what's wrong with that? Loving yourself does not mean completely stopping caring for others, helping or empathizing with others - on the contrary, when you begin to value yourself, it will become much easier for you to give support to others.
Actors and roles
- Kirill Dytsevich - Oleg Voskresensky
- Valeria Khodos - Nastya Polishchuk, Oleg’s ex-girlfriend, Sheremet’s common-law wife
- Anna Koshmal - Dasha Sheremet, Igor's daughter
- Vladimir Goryansky - Igor Dmitrievich Sheremet, oligarch
- Vera Kobzar - Veronika Viktorovna Smalkova, owner of the club
- Mila Sivatskaya - Ksyusha Voskresenskaya, Oleg's half-sister
- Dmitry Chernov - Vadim Karpov, lawyer
- Alexey Yarovenko - Denis Zinkevich, commercial director of the company
- Alexander Martynenko - Yaroslav Kamenev, Oleg's friend
- Vyacheslav Dovzhenko - Sergei Polishchuk, Nastya’s brother, criminal
- Maxim Kostyunin - Egor, son of Nastya and Igor
- Ekaterina Tyshkevich - Olga, club administrator
- Ekaterina Vishnevaya - Anna, Dasha's secretary
- Oleg Savkin - Fyodor Petrovich Kamenev, Yaroslav's father
- Svetlana Zelenkovskaya - Lina Vasilievna Kameneva, Yaroslav's mother
- Alexander Suvorov - Gennady Petrovich Ovchar, head of the security service
- Olga Moroz - Natalya, maid
- Pyotr Mironov - Nikolai Abramovich Feldman, doctor
- Yuri Grebelnik - Anatoly Volfovich Voronov, professor, neurosurgeon
- Alexander Yarema - Ivan Petrovich, veterinarian
