Why does he write after a breakup?

Hello, dear readers! Many people are familiar with the bitterness of a breakup, and the stronger the feelings, the more uncertain the state if the ex-boyfriend writes to you some time after the breakup, offering to continue communication or meet. The main thing is not to lose the ability to think adequately, because the motives can be the most unexpected. Take a break, finish reading the blog article, and then you can decide what to do, but with a clear understanding of the result.

He is sincerely happy when he meets you

Dean Drobot

Perhaps your ex is just a very cheerful and positive person who is always happy when he meets someone he knows. However, if you act defiantly cold

, pretending that you don’t care about his joyful emotions, but he continues to rejoice every now and then, like a child, when he sees you, which means that the love in his soul has not completely died out.

In other words, if a man, despite your coldness, literally blossoms when he sees you, becomes extremely courteous, demonstrates elements of flirtation (and, even more so, if he is sincerely happy

who sees you and doesn’t hide it at all), then the likelihood that your ex still has warm feelings for you is very high. And, apparently, he is not averse to restoring old relationships!

A few words about the places of “congestion” of ex-i

Let’s, as the common people say, “let’s not pull the cat by the tail” and talk about where we most often meet our exes. Or would it be better to formulate the sentence like this: “Where do we least expect to see our ex?”

In this case, select one of the options below:

After a “good” evening rest, in the morning, in your bed?

At your favorite place of work, as a colleague sitting at the next table, or, God forbid, as a boss?

Online Dating?

Agree, the first two options sound more than funny, and answer a slightly different question - where would we most not like to see our ex? Such options most likely become the plots of family TV series or the basis of some jokes, but, nevertheless, becoming the hero of a soap opera or funny story is quite possible in real life. You just have to want...

Now let's look at the third option in a little more detail.

An ex-boyfriend on a dating site is, what is more, a real and sudden surprise for any girl. Since our friend the Internet conquered our minds and hearts, such sites have become the first, and, perhaps, the most popular companions in finding a long-awaited and loving soul mate.

To that woman who believes that in order to find her love, you don’t need to do anything and just need to wait a little, you can simply wish good luck... And, by the way, remind you that in the 21st century they mockingly say about such representatives of the fairer sex: “ She was waiting for the prince on a white horse, and the postman came and brought her a pension")

It keeps in touch with your family members

Situations, of course, are different, but it is not always the case that a man or woman, after a breakup, maintains good relations with their partner’s family members. And especially not everyone

will try to use any excuse to communicate with them. This looks especially strange when your ex does not and cannot have any common affairs with anyone from your family.

Robert Kneschke

However, if such communication occurs, it may well be that he does not lose hope of getting back together with you. Finding out is quite simple - you can talk to those members of your family

, with whom your ex actively communicates. Ask them to express their point of view; finally ask what your ex is talking to them about - maybe about you?

Do not rush to regard this step of your ex as a sign of remaining love for you, if your relationship

lasted so long that he simply became close friends with one of your family members.

How did the breakup go?

The relationship between the girl and her boyfriend was going well. They got along well and planned a future together. At first, there were not even any hints that Jen and Glanz might break up. But one day he called and said that he was leaving for work in Thailand for several months. The guy was the host of the podcast “You're Not Getting Younger,” so he often traveled around the world, taking his beloved with him. But this time he said that he was going alone.

Jen immediately realized that this was a ridiculous way to end a relationship, so she didn’t even try to figure out what the problem was. She decided to come to terms with her lover’s decision and move on with her life. During the first week, she did not communicate with Glanz, but then he suddenly began to write to her, pretending that there was a normal relationship between them and everything was going as before.

What happens after a breakup

To recognize the true reason, it’s worth plunging into the psychology of guys after a breakup. Depending on who initiated the breakup and how the “last” conversation took place, further behavior will be clear. So, if He suggested breaking up, it means he is not writing with the goal of returning and giving long-term love. The male half is prone to lengthy analysis. He won't burn bridges until he's thought everything through. Therefore, quite often, it just seems like they broke up, but he already posts a different story.

Another option, that it’s time to go separate ways, you told him. And there are two scenarios: it was emotional, with throwing cups, things, with accusations, selective swearing, or a purely statement of facts and the understanding that love has passed. In the second case, there is much less sense in taking revenge and offending than in plot number one. But you should be prepared, conduct correspondence extremely carefully, withstand long pauses and express yourself restrainedly and briefly.

He always catches your eye

This situation is very specific, since it is difficult not to get noticed, for example, if you study or work together. It's a completely different matter if you don't work together, study together, or even live in different areas. What if your ex suddenly starts showing up to you

? For example, I started visiting the same gym where you go; began to frequent your favorite establishments, although he had never been there before; I started using a new route for jogging, which allows me to run into you as if by chance.

But who knows what could happen?

In a word, if you suddenly notice with surprise that you have begun to see your ex almost more often than before, perhaps he really really misses you and your relationship, the old days. He wants to see you more often

, and express his emotions, but he is afraid of rejection. You can try to start over, but first you should make sure that this was not some kind of accident (for example, he moved into the neighboring house purely by chance!).

EpicStockMedia

He's just bored

If he is still lonely, then he may be bored , so he tries to occupy himself in this way. If you respond to him, it may even boost his self-esteem because he believes that he is still interested in you.

It is possible that the ex is simply trying to attract attention to himself in order to prove to himself or someone else his importance.

Often, women to whom a former lover has written make a big mistake when they get drawn into the correspondence and begin to see something more in it. In fact, in most cases, men do not think about renewing their relationship. It is possible that he is simply writing out of boredom, because he has not yet found anyone else. Therefore, you should not make far-reaching plans and hope for something.

Your ex may be texting you out of boredom.

Is it worth talking to your ex?

to the question of whether to communicate with your ex-boyfriend . Let's consider all the pros and cons. On the one hand, we can say that such communication will not harm. If your ex-boyfriend wants to communicate , why not maintain a dialogue, perhaps such communication will be useful. A relationship with your ex will relieve you of loneliness and allow you to have interesting leisure time. Dating your ex can lead to the creation of a strong family. The main priorities for maintaining a relationship with your ex are:

Support. When communicating with your ex, you can count on his support in a difficult situation.
If you have children together, communication is necessary to ensure that they receive love and care from both parents. Talking about children allows your ex-lover to be aware of their lives and needs.
Opportunity to renew relationships. Thanks to communication, partners can experience their former passion and succumb to it. Breaking up is not always the right decision; sometimes friendly communication is necessary to understand this.
If you often cross paths with your ex, for example, at work, communication is necessary. Employment relationships involve constant conversation, so there is no need to be hostile to an acquaintance from the past.

Most people are against communicating with exes; psychologists also speak negatively about this. It is believed that such communication will not lead to anything good, but will only bring a lot of worries and pain. If you start communicating with your ex-boyfriend , be prepared for different turns of events and repeated betrayal. Let's consider what psychologists say about this.

When you communicate with your ex, you start to think that you can get him back. Such a belief can lead to disappointment and serious mental illness.
A past partner may use you for personal purposes, after achieving which he will leave you.
Staying in touch with someone from your past will not help you heal. After a breakup, there is no physical pain, but there is mental pain, so in order to ease the suffering, it is recommended to get rid of things from your old life and limit yourself from contact with your ex.
Wasted time and energy. You can often hear from an abandoned girl: “My ex-boyfriend is communicating with me, and I will happily maintain this connection.” This thinking is a delusion, because when communicating with your ex, you do not notice the people around you and cannot see sympathy from the opposite sex. It is important to note that communication with your ex-partner will not lead to anything good; it cannot last forever.
If you have a new partner, communication with your ex can cause constant scandals. No one will tolerate a relationship with a person with whom they previously had love.
Communication can lead to sex without commitment. If partners do not have feelings for each other, then sex will have a positive effect on health. If there are feelings, sex can cause a feeling of love, and when it stops, the partner will remain living in his illusions.
A former lover may have mental problems, especially if you were the instigator of the breakup. To take revenge, he can ingratiate himself and then cause harm.
Your ex communicates with you to soothe his pride; he only needs you to assert himself. Nothing good will come of such communication; you will feel like a thing.

Communication with an ex-boyfriend is everyone's choice. It is worth understanding that such communication can be harmful. It is not recommended to keep in touch if you have a lover, as you can easily lose him. If you still decide to communicate with your past lover, try not to invest your strength and energy in him. Moreover, there is no need to wait for sympathy and hope that everything can be returned. If you have children together, do not limit yourself and them from communicating with your ex. You need to be aware of what he is doing with the children, and you also need to tell the father of the children about their progress and needs.

Results

Receiving a message from the past is always unexpected. But you shouldn’t immediately see this as a spark of happiness and hope. People's actions cannot always be predicted. And answering a banal “Hello!”, in the spirit of “I knew that you still love me, just like I love you!”, can lead to a new portion of disappointment, since he only wanted to pick up forgotten socks or ask to remove joint ones photo from account. Take your time in your answers, give him the opportunity to speak first, and then act according to circumstances and the call of your heart.

If you have ideas or stories, post them in the comments. And let everyone find their soul mate.

He constantly calls you when he's drunk

Calling your ex while drunk is a classic of the genre, of course. However, these calls gradually fade away as time passes

. And only over the strongest feelings time has no power. Only alcohol has power, because, as you know, what is on the mind of a sober person is on the tongue of a drunken person.

Syda Productions

And if your ex, as soon as he gets drunk, constantly calls you, most likely he still loves you and misses you. And alcohol only helps him remove obstacles

who do not allow you to express your feelings in a sober manner. Perhaps the two of you should consider trying again?

The main thing is that his alcohol addictions are not the very reason why you broke up!

How to get your ex to stop texting

On the other hand, you may have no desire to renew your relationship with him, and you do not want to correspond with him. In this case, you must make it clear that he will not bother you anymore. So be clear about how you feel. Be clear in your responses to his messages, and make it clear that you have no desire to correspond with him.

But first, ask him to explain why he writes? Although the guy may not reveal the real reason, you should still ask why he decided to contact you. In the event that your ex writes after breaking up and does not respond to requests to leave you, then simply block his number. Most smartphones have a feature that allows you to block a person's number if they text, and social networks and instant messengers make this even easier.

What to write to a man or woman?

Let’s take a closer look at what can be written and in what case:

If you need to smooth out the bitterness of a breakup

Tips for men : regaining the trust of an offended woman is a very difficult task, especially if the breakup occurred on a man’s initiative. First, test the waters: find out if the girl has any problems.

If she needs help, you can try to offer it - especially since doing it in writing is much easier than looking “eye to eye.”

Tips for women: If the breakup was painful for a member of the stronger sex, use the “no contact” rule for several weeks.

Do not write during this period, otherwise the situation will only worsen and not smooth out. Also, you should not attract excessive attention to your own person, provoking jealousy on social networks.

Bring back the relationship

Tips for Men : One of the best ways to re-ignite the spark in a woman's heart is to remind her of a shared positive experience.
This will help direct the conversation in the right direction and ensure a positive tone and mood. Your message should show the depth of nostalgia for the past, but without being specific to begin with.

Just voice your thoughts about some happy (necessarily shared!) memory . Emphasize that you feel comfortable discussing this fact at this particular moment.

Advice for women: the most important thing to remember if you want to return the relationship to its previous course is to give up obsession. There is no need to put undue pressure on your partner - this way you will only provoke additional irritation and humiliate yourself.

Remember: there is nothing more attractive and attractive to a man than a happy and positive woman. Try to intrigue your partner - change yourself and do everything possible so that the guy notices the “best version” of you.

An intriguing message is a good provocation that will make a man think about you in a new way, and therefore shake his confidence in his decision to break up.

Maintain friendships

Advice for men: the main rule here is caution, because you can step on a very dangerous path, especially if you do not see any prospects for restoring your love relationship. But no less difficult is the prospect of remaining in the friend zone forever, because this is also a certain area of responsibility.

If the relationship was prosperous and happy, you can calmly respond to messages, maintaining decency, but at the same time making it clear that “they don’t return to exes.”

If there is an understanding that the reason for the correspondence is not the resumption of your romance, you should not push hard with proposals to return “everything as it was . In this case, it is advisable to offer her friendship directly.

Tips for women: You can send something like: “Hey... I'm glad we're done, but I'd love to have a loyal friend like you.” This way you can shift the balance from the guy to yourself. But it's important to understand that this approach can ultimately become an incentive for spending too much time together. Think about whether you need it.

How to reply to his messages

It will be easy for you to fall back into old patterns of texting with your ex-boyfriend, and you will be tempted to text him back right away. After all, you both have been constantly texting each other for a long time, so you will want to answer him quickly. But it is extremely important for you to think carefully before you begin to answer. Analyze his texts and try to understand what exactly he wants?

The best way to respond to his messages is to simply take your time to respond. Don't respond for a certain period of time. As a result, his interest in you will only grow. And you will have more time to correctly formulate the answer and determine what exactly the guy wants. If you understand that he wants to renew the relationship, then you can answer him based on your desires and feelings.

If the relationship ended with a scandal

As practice shows, in most cases the breakup is not entirely peaceful, but is accompanied by a quarrel, insults and other problems. In this case, everything is a little more complicated, since resentment and pride simply will not allow either party to start the conversation first. An exception may be a situation when the guy realized that the end of the relationship was a big mistake. But this doesn't happen too often.

If a guy and a girl have many mutual friends, in whose company they often meet, then this may serve as a reason to resume communication. But there can be no question of any regret here. Most likely, he just wants to smooth out the situation a little in order to feel more comfortable in the presence of the girl. And text messages are simply a low-risk way to gauge the interest and mood of your ex.

What to pay attention to when a man shows up after a breakup?

The following things will help you make sure: your beloved or husband returned because he loves you. Selfishness, the desire to improve shaky self-esteem, to feel more psychologically comfortable have nothing to do with it.

The returning man is actively making plans.

He talks about a future together, hints: he’s ready to start a family. This is a serious sign: the gentleman has firmly decided to throw in his lot with you.

The gentleman has changed.

A man truly loves if he has rethought the reasons for the breakup, admitted his own mistakes, and sincerely strives to improve.

If a couple does not want to renew their relationship, but the separation has somehow affected their mental state - fears, panic attacks, bouts of depression or terrible self-doubt have appeared - we recommend contacting a psychologist - hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.

Errors and possible fixes

What mistakes do former partners make when corresponding?

They start swearing .
Even after finally going through all the stages of separation, people often continue to experience irritation and resentment towards their ex-partner, because separation is a long and painful path. Anger and anger in this case are absolutely normal reactions, but negativity should not take precedence over other feelings.
Instead of being sarcastic in your messages, stop texting altogether. Write down everything you feel on paper and then burn it. It is worth resuming correspondence only if the “passions” have completely subsided.
They write that they miss you . The passing of a loved one is not easy. Again, it’s quite normal to doubt your own abilities, “whether I can live without my other half.” Therefore, instead of the body’s natural reaction in the form of nostalgia, which will only make life even more difficult, open up to other close people - family, friends, a professional psychologist. Surely people who have already walked this path will be able to give practical advice from personal experience.
They brag about their new lover, relationships, family . Of course, this is one of the most striking temptations. But even if you yourself have already managed to let go of the situation and plunge headlong into a sea of new emotions and feelings, your ex-partner may still have a gaping wound in his soul. Don’t cause pain, and in case of the opposite situation, be happy for the person who was once dear to you.
List a list of your own mistakes . Don't dwell on what you were wrong about. Parting is an already accomplished fact, for which there were probably good reasons. Even if the failed chosen one focuses on the negative, you are not obliged to clarify what has already been “overgrown with reality.” As a last resort, choose one factor that requires discussion and talk about it in detail in correspondence.
They are trying to move the relationship into a friendly direction . Time is the best healer. Don’t rush to conclusions and don’t make hasty decisions, give yourself time to think carefully in order to adequately and soberly assess the situation from the outside.
They give compliments . Social networks are a real minefield of memories and unnecessary feelings. Have you noticed a new photo of your ex, do you like the way he looks? It’s better not to say anything than to openly provoke feelings. Kind words will not help you overcome attachment.
They invite you to visit . In moments of loneliness and melancholy, the easiest way is to follow a momentary impulse of feelings. Just passing the time together over tea is just an excuse, admit it honestly.
They blame each other for silence . Congratulations on the holidays, sending curse words and just chatting, but your ex turns on “ignore”? There is no need to indulge in provocations. If a person does not respond because he is busy, he will unsubscribe sooner or later. If not, take it as a sign from above that you shouldn’t correspond at all.
They accidentally “make the mistake” of the addressee . Very often people try to cheat and decide to provoke a past life partner, and then “pretend to be a hose.” Before you stoop to this, think about how it will look from the outside - nothing more than the manipulation of a not particularly mature person.