For many years, sex in the missionary position was considered the only correct option for intimacy. Any deviations from the norm were equated with perversions that had to be combated. Only with the advent of the sexual revolution and under the influence of Western trends, people began to gradually master new intimate techniques and add variety to their usual “bed” routine.
Such changes have helped save many couples from breakup and from infidelity, but still some prejudices remain alive. And because of this, men are constantly forced to clarify before intimacy why girls like to be spanked and punished. Is it possible to behave this way with a new lover?
Why do girls love to have their butts spanked?
Men in modern society do not always take the dominant position in relationships, hence the desire to dominate and be rude in bed with a woman. But the question is why the girls themselves like such strange behavior, for example, when they are spanked on the butt.
There are several scientific explanations for this, namely:
- A man's frank desire. Psychotherapists and sexologists say that, unlike flirting and subtle hints at a man’s sexual desire, spanking the butt does not have a double interpretation; everything here is quite transparent. Someone else's arousal is known to be the most powerful aphrodisiac. The manifestation of some kind of aggression (pulling pigtails, spanking the butt, etc.) is just a biological program that allows you to activate the biological mechanisms of arousal. That is, with such behavior, a man removes the shackles of suspiciousness and prejudice from a woman, awakening animal instincts.
- Fear and sense of danger. It has been scientifically proven that the pain center and the pleasure center are located very close to each other in the human brain. This means that by stimulating one center, you can inadvertently awaken another. The main thing is that the pain is moderate, otherwise you can get the opposite effect.
- Between affection and humiliation. Any psychological and childhood trauma can affect a woman’s sexuality, including humiliation and guilt. Due to the violence they experienced in childhood, many girls in adulthood create supposedly similar situations so that a man resorts to punishment in the form of spankings.
In principle, the same criteria can partially explain the love of rudeness and slaps on the butt on the part of men. But there are additional reasons, which are also discussed by scientific researchers and specialists in various fields.
Experts' opinion4
There is nothing wrong with spanking if it is part of sexual play. At the same time, neither partner should see or feel this as a way of showing aggression.
A person's centers of pleasure and pain are nearby, and even animals, such as cats, lightly bite each other during sexual games. It’s the same with humans. Light spankings that do not cause much discomfort turn on not only a man, but also a woman who feels desired and sexy.
If for some reason a girl feels humiliated when a guy “hits her on the butt,” then she should immediately tell him about it and stop such games.
Victoria Fomina
Expert
Doctor sexologist of the highest category, psychiatrist, psychotherapist. I have been working as a sexologist for more than 10 years. I help couples resolve problems in their sex life.
Spanking a girl's butt is a great way to excite her and get incredible pleasure yourself. Spanking can be an element of role play - it will make the process more passionate and depraved. In addition, many girls like it when a man holds her tightly by the neck or her hair in a ponytail. Also, many women are delighted when a guy behaves imperiously during sex - he presses him to the bed, lightly bites his neck, squeezes his chest. The main thing is that these manifestations of passion are not too strong - this is fraught with the appearance of bruises and hematomas on the delicate female body.
Message from the Editor
Would you like to know something else interesting? Psychologists from all over the world agree that one of the main signs that a relationship between two opposite partners has a great future is the ability to laugh at the same things, as well as at each other. This reflects the fact that partners are cheerful, not too susceptible to sadness and know how to get out of any situation rationally and in a good mood. Thus, here's the advice you need - don't sulk if your loved one makes fun of you, just do it yourself more often. Very soon you will feel that the relationship between you has become much stronger.
About how to do it
Butt spanking is also called spanking. One of the best poses for him is over the knee. It is intimate and makes the person being spanked uncomfortable. This is where the game comes in.
Before spanking the butt, you need to make sure that all rings and bracelets are removed from your hand. Otherwise, there will be no talk of any pleasure - these parts can cause a lot of pain, scratch, and leave bruises on the body.
It is important to warm up your buttocks before starting spanking. If you start hitting them right away, the reaction will be negative. Instead, you need to massage the area that will be hit. A characteristic pink color should appear on the skin.
Reasons for children's disobedience
Children often go against their parents, refusing to behave well or doing the exact opposite. As psychologists have found, there are several reasons for this:
desire to assert oneself; an attempt to attract parental attention; persistence in contradicting adults; diffidence; mistakes in education; excessive expectations from your child.
Each toddler is a unique personality, and as soon as he begins to think, he perceives himself as an independent person, remaining a baby in the eyes of adults. If you constantly pull him back and get irritated by his attempts to do something, then the psyche can suffer, and self-esteem can greatly decrease.
Against this background, parents wonder why they can’t spank their child’s bottom with their hand, since he doesn’t obey? Because he makes attempts to prove his own independence.
How to overcome disobedience?
Since the child does not obey and continues to behave badly and do everything in defiance of adults, is it possible to hit the child on the butt with a belt? No! First of all, this problem of parents is the choice of method of education.
In Japan, for example, children under five years of age cannot be scolded or punished at all - a sacred period in the life of every person, when he is raised only with words. Likewise, Russian parents must find an adequate replacement for spanking with a hand or a belt:
- switching attention to any other object;
- take him home or away from the place where he began to act up;
- talk, trying to solve a problem in conversation.
In extreme cases, you can shout at the toddler, pull his hand or take away his toy.
Unfortunately, many teachers in kindergartens do not think about why they should not hit children on the bottom, and use spanking to deal with an obstinate child. This is strictly prohibited!
To find out about this, parents should ask their toddler about everything that happens in kindergarten and look for mentions of physical abuse
It is important to protect your child, even if he is punished with the best intentions
About the reaction
For everything to go well, it is important to monitor your partner’s reaction. You need to see whether she likes what is happening or not. If you hear squeaking or giggling, you need to increase the pressure. If the “victim” dodges, this is the norm.
You need to hit the lower part of the buttocks, you can hit the thighs, but you shouldn’t hit higher, in the area of the kidneys. It would be too much.
Under no circumstances should you “stick” your hand. This is a fairly common mistake among men - when they hit the buttock, for some reason they hold their hand on it. The hand should bounce off it, as if it were being struck with a whip.
There is no need to spank all the time - you need to give the “victim” time to rest. It's important for her to take a breath. In addition, it provokes anticipation, which will make the process more enjoyable. But don’t delay – pauses should be short. It is best to give 5 spanks, and then stroke and massage the buttocks, you can penetrate between them with your fingers.
Nothing turns you on more at this moment than dirty talk. For example, the “top” can praise the “victim” for his patience, or even better, remind him why the “victim” gets it. It is best if this is not a real offense, but a game situation. Alternatively, you can say: “Did you understand everything?” It is important that the questions do not require detailed answers from the “victim”.
Between affection and humiliation
Probably all the mothers in the world spank their children on the butt. Sometimes it's affection, and sometimes it's punishment. “Our sexuality has such a fine structure that any life events can leave their mark on it, including humiliation and guilt,” notes psychoanalyst Jacques André. The richness of the palette of feelings that Sergei experiences surprises him: “When a friend spanks me, I experience excitement, shame and excitement from my own shame...” For some, reaching the pinnacle of pleasure means walking a fine line between pain and pleasure.
The reason for the duality of this feeling is revealed by sexologist Ghislaine Paris: “It goes back to the love-hate that a child experiences for his mother. The mother feeds him, gives him warmth and tenderness. But she awakens in him a painful feeling of hunger and dissatisfaction, not offering breasts on demand...”
At the age of 5–6 years, the first idea of the relationship between elders is formed in the child’s mind, and the idea of the inextricable connection between pleasure and rudeness is strengthened. “Hearing a creaking bed, a muffled cry, or noticing a closed door to the parent’s bedroom, the child confirms his suspicion that quite cruel things are happening between adults. The idea of parents making love remains unpleasant for many forever,” adds Jacques Andre. And all because we cannot believe: the mother enters into sexual relations of her own free will. So she was forced?
For children, the image of the mother is bifurcated: she is both a saint and a great traitor who sleeps with her father. These two figures become firmly entrenched in our unconscious, fueling fantasies of dominance and submission. “Some men are so influenced by this dual image that they are able to achieve orgasm only by humiliating a woman (even if only in a playful way). But there are also many women who enjoy this role in sexual games,” adds the psychoanalyst.
Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process
A huge number of parents use force in raising their children and do not think about the consequences this may provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously giving their children slaps on the head. Moreover, to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation - a belt, etc. - is often hung in a visible place.
What are the reasons for such furious medieval cruelty among modern mothers and fathers? There are several reasons:
- Hereditary causes. Most often, parents take out their own childhood grievances on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that a slap on the head reinforces the spoken educational words in a child is unshakable,
- Lack of desire, as well as time, to raise a child, conduct lengthy conversations, explain why he is wrong. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, to help him understand his own wrongness,
- Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents pick up a belt only out of despair and not knowing how to cope with the “little monster”
- Venting out resentment and anger for one’s own failures, previous and current. Often parents beat their own child only because there is no one else to lash out at. The salary is meager, the boss is cruel, the wife does not listen, and there is also a harmful child spinning under your feet. And the parent slaps the butt for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid the father is, the more the father will blame the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs to at least feel his own power and authority in front of someone. And the worst thing is when there is no one to stand up for the child,
- Mental disorders. There are also parents who simply need to shout, spank their child, or start a showdown for no apparent reason. Next, the parent reaches the required condition, hugs the baby to himself and cries with him. Such mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.
What is physical punishment?
Experts consider physical punishment not only the direct use of brute force to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, slaps on the head, punishment in the corner, tugging on arms and sleeves, ignoring, force feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to cause pain, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.
Statistics: children under 4 years of age are most often subject to physical punishment, since they cannot yet hide, defend themselves, or be indignant with the question: “Why?”
Physical influence provokes a new wave of disobedience in the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge in the parent’s aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.
Why children misbehave and what causes the desire to hit
There can be many reasons. One of them is when a child does not receive enough positive attention (physical and moral), he begins to “beg” - yes, even a slap on the head - for any attention that you can give him. Having sought your presence and participation in such an unpleasant manner, he remembers the “recipe” and repeats it.
This can be treated by analyzing the situation and filling relationships with children with warmth and participation. But not by any strictness.
Most often, physical, like any other aggression and incontinence, are associated with emptiness and lack of love. In this case, most often the parent suffers not from a lack of love for the child, but from a lack of self-love and non-acceptance of the life situation.
It happens that parents have different opinions about what is acceptable in upbringing. If the edge of these positions is physical punishment, most likely you should go to a family psychologist. If we are talking about violence of one of the parents against a minor - for example, regular beatings - then the second adequate parent should contact the police - the dangerous “relative” will be taken away from the family, and the remaining active parent at this moment will be able to take care of safety and file for divorce.
Girls' opinion2
On forums, ladies express their real opinions about how they really feel about being spanked by their partner:
“My buttocks are a very sensitive, erogenous zone, and I just go crazy when he spanks me. He tells me that he likes my figure, my buttocks, he is simply drawn to them like a magnet. In addition, he likes to “mash” my chest and stomach. When my husband and I start this game, I feel very sexy and I know that his game also really spanks me somewhere at a party, on the street, or in line at a store. It immediately gives you a certain mood.”
“I don’t like spanking, because men on public transport allow themselves too much. They can pretend that they are looking for something, and at the same time grope a girl in the crowd, citing lack of space.”
Why do guys like to spank girls' butts?
There are many more explanations why men like to spank girls’ buttocks, even if we do not resort to scientific interpretations. Namely:
- In this way, a man compensates for his inability to dominate in a relationship;
- against the backdrop of a desire to use force, but social rules, morality and boundaries, he can only do this in a similar form;
- by spanking the butt, a man evaluates its elasticity, which determines the degree of sexuality and sexual activity of a girl (lack of sex and low levels of sex hormones make the butt flabby);
- by the ideality of the shape of the butt, a man evaluates a woman as a potential mother for his offspring and a carrier of good genes;
- in the animal world, mating is mixed with aggressive behavior of the male, which often manifests itself among people;
- in this way a man expresses his sense of possessiveness towards a woman.
Sexologists say that the feeling of aggression, fear and causing pain to each other helps people increase the level of hormones in the body, blood pressure, which accompanies faster and greater sexual arousal.
Spanking on the butt is only permissible in relationships where there is already flirtation and sexual intimacy between partners. For both partners, this is an opportunity to diversify their sex life, saturate it with thrills, a taste of danger and aggression. In most cases, this is accompanied by animal instincts and the human subconscious.
The main rule
For butt spanks to be enjoyable, they should only cause moderate pain. It should not be too painful - otherwise such an act will not cause any excitement. After all, intense pain suppresses arousal. The main thing in light spanks on the butt is, rather, the painful premonition and emotions that accompany them. The image in the imagination is important.
If you find out about violence against someone else's child
Punishment differs from punishment, and sometimes ears and butts are not the only witnesses to fleeting parental anti-humanism. Alas, sometimes under the guise of parent-child relationships there are many unpleasant things that are unsightly to society.
And if you have witnessed (seen, heard or learned) violence against a minor, you need to take action. Wrong tactics: knock on your neighbors’ door and announce that you will go to the local police officer or give a short lecture about the education system. Correct: consult with a lawyer, a school psychologist, a police officer you know, and then take action together with the guardianship authorities or the same psychologist. Perhaps by discussing further behavior with them and the child in advance.
If you already have a child in your arms with signs of beatings, you need to take him to the hospital, record the fact of physical violence, and only then decide what to do next.
