How to increase self-esteem: exercises, techniques, trainings

All people dream of a decent life: living with a loved one, making a career, taking care of children, having true friends. Some people do this by inviting the girl they like on a date, literally working hard at work, and finding time for travel and active recreation with friends. In general, they do everything to achieve their goals.

And others are embarrassed to approach the object of their sympathy, once again remind their boss about themselves, invite friends to a party, etc. And now we are not talking about those who are lazy to do this or do not have clear plans and guidelines for life. People with low self-esteem are doomed to this: they are afraid of rejection, failure, criticism, mistakes. They believe that they are incapable of generating interest and have no talent. For them, dreams remain dreams.

If you belong to this group of people, know that life can be changed for the better. Stop explaining everything by natural shyness, physical disabilities or pathological bad luck. You just need to work hard on yourself. There are various techniques that help increase self-esteem and become a confident, successful person. Moreover, it doesn’t matter how old you are now, you can start at 15 or 55.

Where to begin

If you are determined to improve your self-esteem, develop a strategy. This will help you formulate goals and achieve them in a short time. Where to begin:

1. Take basic self-esteem tests to find out the extent of your low self-esteem.
2. Decide whether you will do this yourself or whether you need to consult a psychologist.
3. Select effective techniques, special exercises, auto-trainings.
4. Enlist the support of your loved ones.
5. Set a goal for yourself to become a successful and self-sufficient person with adequate self-esteem in 3 months (the period can be any).
6. Break your goal into smaller tasks: give a presentation at work, go to the cinema with friends, ask a girl out on a date - this month; achieve a salary increase, go to a camp site, confess your love - the next, etc.

The most important thing at the beginning of the journey is to tune in to a positive result, to convince yourself that everything will work out. This is not easy for people with low self-esteem, but in order to increase it, this simply must be done.

You can read about the causes and signs of low self-esteem and its levels in our separate review.

Cultivating a good attitude towards yourself

Reread the negative thoughts you recorded during the last exercise. Imagine that a loved one—your best friend or family member—says all these things about yourself.

Think about how you would respond and write those words down. Tell me what you see as good in this person, what qualities you respect. Tell him you love this person.

Showing love to others is often much easier than showing love to yourself. When you “appropriate” your thoughts to people close to you, it becomes easier for you to see the big picture and understand that saying such things to yourself is ugly, rude and generally wrong.

Exercises

It turns out that there are complexes of not only physical exercises for sports, but also psychological ones to increase self-esteem. By performing them regularly, you can feel the first results within a week. Here are some of them.

Exercise 1. I'm good

Write at least 10 of your positive qualities. Re-read them daily. After a week, create a new list, trying not to repeat what was in the previous one.

Exercise 2. I was able to

Write down 5 achievements you have achieved in life. This does not have to be a victory in the Olympics or a beauty contest. Simpler things are enough: found a job, graduated from college. Re-read them daily and learn to be proud of them. After a month, try creating a new list. It should contain other items.

Exercise 3. I am strong

Write down the 3 most difficult situations in your life. Don't describe them in detail, just identify them. For example, the death of a grandmother, dismissal from work, divorce. Remember how you were able to survive this period. Even if you felt bad, now it’s all behind you, which means you have that inner strength that can increase your self-esteem. Every day, replay in your head how you overcame difficulties and be proud of yourself.

Exercise 4. I am a hero

Write 5 cases from your life when you helped others: you were with your friend when her husband left her; prepared a classmate for a diploma at a university; We regularly bought groceries for our old neighbor, who couldn’t do it herself. Re-read the list every day and be proud of yourself. Update it after a month.

Exercise 5. I am no worse than others

To increase self-esteem, you need to learn to be friends with the mirror. This is one of the most difficult exercises for insecure and shy people. We need to overcome internal complexes and master this technique.

Get yourself in order. Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Smile at your reflection. Then you can choose to act: read a poem, sing a song, or just talk to yourself. The goal is to get used to it, look at yourself from the outside, learn to perceive your image objectively, and understand that you are no worse than others. Start with 5 minutes and increase this time every week.

Complexes of psychological exercises can be different. The main thing is the regularity and correctness of their implementation.

Avoiding Negative Thinking

We often engage in negative internal dialogue without noticing it: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m too lazy to achieve anything,” “I’m too ugly for anyone to like me.” All these thoughts greatly influence our attitude towards ourselves.

The exercise is to write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself. At the end of the day, re-read them and turn each one into a positive thesis statement.

Instead of “I won’t succeed” - “I can do a lot, I can learn this too.” Instead of “I’m too lazy” - “I achieved what I have, and that’s already a lot.” Instead of “I’m ugly” - “Many people like me.”

Repeat these phrases every day for a week. Soon they will begin to appear in your head on their own.

Trainings

Good results can be achieved if you sign up for psychological training “How to increase self-esteem” (variant names are allowed), which are organized by specialized specialists. They can be group or individual. As practice shows, if the situation is not advanced, the first option is preferable.

They usually last 1-2 hours and involve performing exercises in a playful way. For example, a psychologist can offer in a circle to all participants (usually there are 6-10 people):

• define your mood in one word (color);
• talk about your positive qualities (who has more);
• advertise yourself using various means (who is better);
• find 5-10 positive qualities in the person sitting opposite you (not just invented ones, but real ones);
• play “I am the king”: each participant becomes a ruler for 5 minutes, makes decisions, makes laws, and the rest obey and worship him. Next, it is determined who coped with the role better.

This is only a small part of the techniques that psychologists use in group trainings. Usually a course of 4-5 such classes is enough to ensure your own importance.

During individual training, a psychologist may offer to take a test, perform some situational tasks followed by analysis of the answers, or exercises.

Types of personality self-esteem in psychology

In psychology, there are three types of self-esteem. The classification is based on the degree to which a person’s self-importance corresponds to objective data. The more realistically a person evaluates himself, the more successful his relationships with people are and the higher his success in all areas of life.

Adequate self-esteem

With this type of self-perception, a person’s assessment coincides with reality. A person soberly realizes his strengths and weaknesses, knows his capabilities and needs, and determines his inner potential.

Such a person is capable of self-criticism and working on mistakes. Weaknesses are eliminated and strong characteristics are cultivated.

Inadequate self-esteem

Distorted self-esteem suggests that a person’s opinion of himself is far from objective. Radical self-perception can be overestimated or underestimated when a person either does not accept himself at all or believes that he has qualities that are not actually inherent in him. Inadequate self-esteem interferes with communication and professional achievement.

Mixed self-esteem

In this case, a person treats himself differently at different periods of his life, sometimes he shows more confidence, sometimes he becomes weak and complex.

We can also talk about a mixed view if we really look at ourselves in terms of some qualities, but inadequately in terms of other characteristics. For example, we confidently achieve success in our profession, but in our personal lives we consider ourselves unworthy of a suitable partner.

Autotraining

To get rid of low self-esteem, psychologists advise practicing auto-training. However, most people misunderstand this technique. This is not just self-hypnosis and working with your internal complexes. Initially, it related to therapeutic psychotherapeutic techniques. Self-education is only the second part of any autogenic training. Many people haven’t even heard about the first one, but without it, reciting the same affirmations is most often useless. We are talking about muscle relaxation, which consists of 5 main exercises.

Let's figure out how to properly conduct auto-training to raise self-esteem.

Part 1. Muscle relaxation

The task of this stage is to prepare physically for auto-training. To do this, you need to relax your body as much as possible and disconnect from the problems of the world around you. The German doctor Schultz (the founder of this technique) called this the switching point when the activity of the cerebral cortex decreases to a minimum. You need to achieve a state close to somnolence. This is the initial stage of hypnosis, intermediate between wakefulness and sleep.

To achieve this state, you need to consistently perform 6 exercises. But first, take the correct starting position: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.

Exercise 1. “Heaviness”

Goal: relieve muscle tone.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with heaviness and becomes leaden. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) arm (leg) is heavy.” You need to feel it physically. 21 days are allotted to master the exercise:

• 3 days work with the right leg;
• 3 days - with the left leg;
• 3 days - with both legs at once;
• 3 days - with the right hand;
• 3 days - with the left hand;
• 3 days - with both hands at once;
• 3 days - with all limbs at once.

Execution time: 7-10 minutes.

Exercise 2. “Warmth”

Purpose: to expand subcutaneous blood vessels.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with warmth, as if you are plunging it into warm, even hot water. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) hand (leg) is warm.” Feel it physically. The sequence and time for mastering the exercise are similar to the first.

Exercise 3. “Pulse”

Goal: normalize heartbeat.

Lie down on a flat surface. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart or wrist to clearly hear your pulse. Imagine your chest filling with warmth. Instill this in your mind: “My chest is warm, my heart beats evenly, clearly, powerfully.” Feel it on a physical level. After your heart rate reaches a normal value for your age and health, you need to learn to control it: slow it down (do not drop below 50 beats per minute) and speed it up (do not exceed 90 beats per minute) using mental affirmations.

This exercise helps you cope with anxiety in stressful situations, quickly pull yourself together, and avoid sweating and panting during public speaking.

Exercise 4. “Breathing”

Goal: to develop uniform breathing.

Before this exercise, it is recommended to spend 5 minutes doing any physical activity to slow down your breathing a little. Then you need to relax as much as possible and restore it as quickly as possible by taking a deep breath through your nose and exhaling as much as possible through your mouth. At the same time, mentally every 30 seconds you need to repeat the phrase: “My breathing is even and calm.” After 2 weeks of daily training, you will be able to bring it back to normal in 1.5 minutes.

This exercise will help you cope with an attack of anxiety in a difficult situation.

Exercise 5. “Solar Plexus”

Goal: to establish blood supply to internal organs.

Close your eyes and imagine your stomach filling with warmth, as if you were placing a hot water bottle on it. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My stomach is warm.” Feel it physically.

Exercise 6. “Cool forehead”

Goal: to put your thought processes in order.

Close your eyes and imagine how your head becomes cool, as if you are in the cold or have put an ice compress on your forehead. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My head is cold.” Feel it physically.

The exercise will also be useful in stressful situations, which so often insecure and shy people find themselves in. Surely everyone is familiar with this state when the blood rushes to the head, the temples pulsate, and thoughts refuse to work. When you learn to take control of these processes, it will be easier for you to make informed and correct decisions - one of the key points for those who increase self-esteem.

For 3 weeks, practice all 6 exercises daily in the order in which they are given. At first this will take quite a lot of time, but soon you will be able to achieve a state of somnolence in just 5-10 minutes. And only after this can you move on to that part of auto-training that many people practice - speaking affirmations.

Part 2. Self-hypnosis and self-education

Before pronouncing affirmations aimed at increasing self-esteem, you need to prepare for this:

1. Ensure complete silence: close the windows, turn off the intercom and telephones, warn your family not to disturb you.
2. Leave the position in which you performed muscle relaxation: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.
3. Close eyes.
4. Feel complete relaxation and a state of peace.
5. Imagine a pleasant picture: forest, nature, sea, beach, rye field, space - everyone’s illusions will be different. The main thing is that the color palette evokes peace.
6. Turn on relaxing music: it can be classics, sounds of nature, white noise. It shouldn't be loud.
7. You can use aromatherapy. Coniferous and citrus scents are recommended.
8. You need to practice either early in the morning, when your consciousness is still clear, or in the evening, just before bed - this way the affirmations are absorbed better.

Schultz called this moment of auto-training catharsis (culmination). Only after this is it allowed to recite selected affirmations to increase self-esteem. They also have many requirements:

1. It will be better if a psychologist suggests them to you in accordance with your individual characteristics.
2. Do not type more than 10 affirmations at a time.
3. Sets of 10 affirmations need to be changed every 1-2 weeks.
4. It’s better to memorize them rather than read them on paper or from your phone, as this will disrupt visualization (you can’t open your eyes). Another option is to listen to audio recordings with them, but not with headphones.
5. They need to be spoken out loud, in a clear, even, calm voice.
6. Pronunciation schemes can be different: the entire list from beginning to end, and then repeat it from the beginning, or say each phrase 2-3 times. It's up to you.
7. There is an effective technique that recommends working with only one affirmation until it becomes entrenched in the subconscious, and only then moving on to another.

Be careful! Auto-training is contraindicated in case of vegetative-vascular dystonia, acute somatic attacks, epilepsy, tendency to delirium and unclear consciousness.

The most common mistakes:

• using the future tense in affirmations;
• use of verb forms “can” and “will”;
• use of the negative particle “not”;
• Irregular work with affirmations (not every day);
• a vinaigrette of phrases: today - one block, tomorrow - another;
• lack of action: if you read the af, but you yourself once again refused to read the report at work, auto-training will be useless.

The task of auto-training is to clear the mind of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. A person with low self-esteem is a glass of dirty water. Activities of this kind are a filter that gradually clears it of unnecessary impurities. Do this until it becomes crystal clear.

Affirmations that increase self-esteem (approximate traditional block):

1. I am worthy of love and respect.
2. I act independently, without regard to other people's opinions.
3. Everything about me is beautiful: from the smallest details to serious actions.
4. Mistakes and criticism are inevitable, but they are just part of my experience and help me become better.
5. I forgive everyone who once offended me. And I myself let go of the feeling of guilt. All in the past.
6. I am the master of my life.
7. Everything works out for me. I'm lucky. I attract love, happiness and success.
8. I can take care of myself.
9. I am confident in the future.
10. Nothing can limit me in my actions and actions.

Lifehack. When you select a block of affirmations for yourself, write them down on a piece of paper with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa. This activates the work of both hemispheres of the brain, and the effect of phrases on the subconscious will begin from this moment.

If you carry out auto-training correctly, you can literally increase your self-esteem in a month and love yourself even in the most advanced cases without the involvement of hypnosis and psychotherapy. This is an effective technique that is available to absolutely everyone at home.

Lifehack. Print or write affirmations on bright sheets of paper with inspiring pictures and hang them in different places in your apartment where you visit most often. When your gaze rests on them, mentally pronounce the phrase, convince yourself that you have read it, and do it all with a smile.

For auto-training, the correct formulation of affirmations is of great importance. For people with low self-esteem, they often become traps that, instead of treatment, drive them into an even greater dead end.

This happened to one of the writers. When she was young, her books sold well, but after the crisis of the 90s, publishers stopped taking her creations into circulation. She fell into depression, during which she convinced herself that it was not the economic situation in the country that was to blame for her lack of recognition, but a lack of talent. She stopped doing what she loved and sat at the checkout counter at a grocery store. Nervous work with capricious customers, undervaluation from her superiors, low salary - all this led to her self-esteem falling even more.

At some point, she realized the need to change something in her life and began doing auto training on her own, resumed work on a book, and left the hated position of a cashier. A month later, a tragedy occurred: all the publishing houses she applied to refused to publish her new work. The result is cut veins. Although everything worked out, thanks to the doctors who arrived on time.

Psychologists and psychotherapists began working with the writer. They couldn’t understand why auto-training, designed to increase her self-esteem, led to disastrous results until they looked at the list of facts, “My books are being sold like hot cakes by publishers,” and stuff like that. She convinced herself of what she had not yet achieved. And when these beliefs collapsed in real life, her subconscious could not cope with it.

Formation of self-esteem of a junior schoolchild

The formation of self-esteem is closely interconnected with the active activity of children, with self-control and self-observation

Various activities, games, communication invariably draw their attention to themselves, put them in circumstances in which they must somehow relate to themselves and evaluate their own abilities, the ability to produce something, obey certain requirements and norms, and demonstrate individual personality traits

Self-esteem is an important and necessary component of the formation of self-awareness, i.e. a person’s comprehension of himself, individual physical strength, intellectual abilities, actions, deeds, motivations and goals of behavior, attitude towards the surrounding society, towards other individuals and himself.

The level of aspirations of children and self-esteem have a huge impact on success in certain types of activities.

Throughout the school year, the self-esteem of a junior schoolchild is formed. A separate situational self-esteem, not associated with a meaningful idea of ​​one’s own personality, appears much earlier than the personal “I-concept”. However, self-esteem becomes more constant and independent of situations only if it is interconnected with the “I-concept,” and meaningful differences between them are not revealed. In the first year of study, the image of one’s “I” increases several times.

For educational activities, a junior schoolchild really needs the ability to competently set goals, manage his behavior, and control himself. And for this you need knowledge about yourself, your potential. The process of developing self-control depends on the degree of formation of self-esteem. Schoolchildren are able to exercise self-control only with the help and guidance of adults or with the participation of peers. Primary school children's ideas about themselves are the basis of self-esteem. Children's self-awareness is realized in educational activities.

Children evaluate themselves during educational activities in two ways. The first is to compare the degree of personal aspirations with the objective consequences of personal activity. The second is in comparing one’s own personality with other individuals. And the higher the degree of claims, the harder it will be to satisfy them. Successes and failures in a certain type of activity significantly affect a person’s assessment of his own skills and abilities in this activity. So, for example, failures generally lower aspirations, while successes, on the contrary, increase them

Comparison is also important. After all, when evaluating himself, the child, voluntarily or involuntarily, tries to compare himself with other children, while he takes into account not only his own successes, but also the entire current social situation

Psychologist's advice

There is a universal reminder on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence that suits everyone. By trying to adhere to these 10 rules, you can quickly become a successful person who has overcome shyness and found the strength to adequately assess their capabilities.

Rule 1. Take care of your appearance

Get a medical examination, treat existing diseases - good health is the foundation of a beautiful appearance. Update your wardrobe by choosing clothes in bright colors. Go to the hairdresser and change your look. Buy yourself something you have long dreamed of. Men can buy stylish watches; psychologists say they improve self-esteem. For girls, jewelry can be such an accessory. Don't slouch or look at the floor, walk with your head held high and your back straight.

And stop paying attention to your physical flaws. Read about disabled people who have become models and beauty queens - this will be a good motivation to increase your own self-esteem.

Rule 2. Always smile

This may have to be done by force at first. But a couple of weeks of training and it won’t be as difficult for you as before. Smile even at those you can’t stand: people who radiate happiness attract success. This will give you a feeling of lightness and self-confidence.

Rule 3. Keep a success diary

Every day before you go to bed, make a few notes about what you were able to achieve that day. It could be little things: I smiled at the boss I hate, I did my morning exercises. Or major achievements: achieved a salary increase. Re-read your notes from time to time to track your progress. The main thing is to find positive aspects in your actions every day.

Rule 4. Don't be lazy

Work on yourself must be daily, otherwise there will be no results. There are people who achieve nothing not because of low self-esteem, but because of laziness. Don't let this be your situation. If you feel that you haven’t done anything today, it’s never too late to fix it: go for a walk with friends, watch a motivational film, do auto training.

Rule 5. Expand your social circle

To increase self-esteem, you need to loosen up. Become part of the community that surrounds you. With friends and a loved one it is easier to overcome your complexes. Go to holidays, exhibitions, communicate on social networks, establish contacts with colleagues and relationships with relatives.

Rule 6. Do only what you like

If you don't like the movie, don't watch it. If you don't like the book, take another one. If your colleague is annoying, try to communicate with him less. Learn to do only what gives you real pleasure.

Rule 7. Avoid bad thoughts

Avoid thinking and talking about any things in a negative way. Start with yourself: don’t criticize your appearance, don’t dwell on your own mistakes. Then extend this to others: every person has the right to leniency from you. Psychologists strongly advise against gossip.

Rule 8. Achieve your goals

Set the most realistic goals you can achieve by breaking them down into smaller tasks. Wrong wording: “I want a million.” Correct: “I deserve a salary increase.”

Rule 9. Learn to say “no”

The main sign of a person with low self-esteem is the inability to refuse. This creates a huge pile of responsibilities and tasks that are physically impossible to complete on time. The result is the formation of complexes (I can’t do anything), a depressed, depressed state, an exaggerated sense of guilt. Learn to say no and people will respect you in return.

Rule 10. Learn to accept criticism

Take criticism and your own mistakes as experiences that make you stronger. There is no need to become hysterical and burst into tears at every remark. Know how to correct what really requires correction, and not pay attention to what was said in a fit of anger and has no real basis. Learn to see the motives of people who say negative things to you. For example, a friend may say that you look bad out of envy. Your husband didn’t notice your new manicure only because he was tired from work and was exhausted. So don’t beat yourself up and objectively perceive all the information that comes to you.

These recommendations should be followed by both those who are trying to increase their self-esteem on their own and those who do this with the help of a psychologist.

Freeing yourself from guilt and fear

For several days, write down all the fears and sources of guilt that haunt you. Then highlight those that are repeated especially often. Maybe you feel guilty because you skip going to the gym, or because you keep forgetting to call your relatives. Or you are afraid that you will not be able to achieve some goal.

Select one item from the selected ones and write a permit for yourself. For example: “I have the right to miss a workout,” “I have the right to be forgetful,” or “I have the right to fail.”

Place this resolution where you will see it often: on your monitor, refrigerator, or next to your bed. The next time you feel overwhelmed by fear or guilt, look at the note and you will feel better.

Special cases

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Regardless of the child’s age, parents need to contact a child psychologist and not hide anything from him about parenting methods and problems at school. Don't act on your own. Otherwise, help may be useless.

Working with preschoolers

1. Don't criticize. Learn to accept your child as he is, with all his shortcomings.
2. Don't raise your voice, don't scold. Make comments calmly, do not shout.
3. Hug him more often, kiss him, show him your love, give him compliments, praise him for every little thing.
4. The child is your own reflection. Do not engage in self-flagellation in front of him.
5. Don't let him compare himself to others. Explain that every person is good in their own way.
6. Ask his opinion, ask him to justify it, gently correct his point of view if it goes against generally accepted rules.
7. Create a cozy atmosphere at home, without quarrels and scandals.
8. Provide him with enough communication with his peers.
9. Talk to the kindergarten teachers so that they don’t focus on his mistakes and scold him in front of the whole group.

Increasing the self-esteem of younger schoolchildren

We take into account all the recommendations for parents of preschoolers (they remain relevant at this stage of the child’s development) and add a few more.

1. Find activities for your child in which he is most successful, enroll in clubs and sections.
2. Motivate him to participate in competitions, relay races, Olympiads, but only in those areas where he can achieve success.
3. Always be a support and protection for your child if he is right.
4. Teach him to say “no” to both peers and adults.
5. Keep him a journal (diary) of his own achievements.
6. Never compare with your classmates in terms of studies.
7. If serious learning problems are identified, talk to the teacher about how to improve the child's progress. Do not refuse tutors if necessary.
8. In the case when he does the wrong thing, do not swear, but give examples from life of what such mistakes are fraught with.
9. Don't put too high demands on him.

With teenagers

And again, cheat sheets continue to work on how to increase self-esteem in preschool and primary school age, plus we take into account additional advice from psychologists that concerns only teenagers.

1. No matter how difficult it may be to endure adolescence, you need to be patient and avoid conflicts with a teenager as much as possible.
2. Learn to respect him and his opinion, which you definitely need to be interested in even in small things, from choosing a toothbrush to decorating the interior of a room.
3. Teach him to take care of his own appearance, which in adolescence is important for the formation of adequate self-esteem.
4. Do not allow a teenager to talk about himself in a negative way, humiliate himself, underestimate his own data and successes, compare himself with someone.
5. Listen to his wishes: if he wants to lose weight, help organize proper nutrition and create a workout plan, and not allow him to drive himself to anorexia.
6. Cultivate in him tolerance and humanity towards others. Psychologists say that this is one of the most effective methods for increasing a teenager’s self-esteem.
7. You can teach him auto-training.
8. Encourage communication with peers, but at the same time monitor his circle of friends in terms of reliability and adequacy.
9. Introduce a healthy lifestyle: proper nutrition, daily routine, adequate sleep, exercise and the absence of bad habits.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem

According to statistics, women are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem than men. They are too critical of their appearance, too keen on self-examination and are capable of turning a tiny fly into a huge elephant.

A few recommendations from psychologists:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Find the strengths in yourself that make you stand out.
2. Never speak badly about yourself, either alone, much less in front of someone. Stop yourself from even thinking about yourself in a negative way.
3. Take care of your appearance and health, which are interconnected. Looking well-groomed is half the battle on the road to adequate self-esteem.
4. Learn to respond correctly to compliments. Not “Come on, I’m ordinary” or “Why are you flattering me,” but “Thank you, it’s very nice.”
5. If you are constantly humiliated by your boss (husband, boyfriend, father, mother, girlfriend), either learn to fight back or stop communicating. Yes, it’s difficult: quitting your usual job, breaking off a relationship with a loved one, saying “no” to your own parents. But otherwise you will have to endure them all your life.
6. Find something that gives you pleasure and find time for it at least once a week: shopping, watching your favorite TV series, going to a beauty salon.

The main recommendation for men whose girlfriends or wives have low self-esteem: never compare them with others, give compliments and gifts more often. This is the best psychotherapeutic help in this situation.

Example from practice. A young man came to a psychologist with the problem that his girlfriend had too low self-esteem, and he could not raise it in any way. She had a difficult childhood when her mother left her small children in her care and forced her to work in the market from the age of 12. She never had beautiful things, she didn’t know how to take care of herself, and she wasn’t successful with her classmates. That is, the reasons for self-doubt were obvious.

Work began with a psychologist. The guy taught the girl to dress beautifully, take care of herself, helped her enroll in a correspondence course at a university, gave gifts, and was attentive and gentle. However, even after six months of painstaking work, little has changed. She was still too shy, unsure of her abilities, and still considered herself worthless.

And only then was it possible to find out the main reason why the course of psychological help remained ineffective: the guy reminded the girl almost every day about her unsuccessful childhood. And he did it without malicious intent, he wanted her to see the difference between the past and the present. But in fact, she only aggravated the situation, forcing her to relive those moments of humiliation again and again.

After identifying this error, the couple managed to cope with the problem, the girl blossomed, became a happy wife, realized herself as a good mother, and was even able to make a career.

How to increase a man's self-esteem

It is much more difficult to work with low self-esteem in men. Firstly, most often the reasons go deep into childhood, and they do not strive to advertise them, but carefully hide them, out of shame. Secondly, they themselves are more closed than women, and for psychologists it is trust that plays an important role. Thirdly, persuading them to go to a specialist is a big problem.

What should men do to increase their self-esteem?

1. Set a realistic goal for yourself, break it down into several tasks and gradually move towards achieving it.
2. Take every mistake not as a blow of fate, but as a chance to improve and become better.
3. Workout.
4. Update your wardrobe.
5. Find a hobby.
6. Expand your social circle.
7. Offer your boss some innovative ideas, give a presentation, or take on a new project with further prospects for career growth.
8. Help others.
9. Start a relationship, start a family, become a father.

Recommendations from psychologists for a woman/girl on how to increase self-esteem for her husband/boyfriend:

1. Encourage him in any endeavors, motivate him to take decisive actions and actions.
2. Enlist the support of his loved ones: talk to friends, parents, colleagues so that you all act together.
3. Don't nag him, don't insult him, don't humiliate him, don't criticize him.
4. Praise for any achievements.
5. Ask, take into account and respect his opinion.
6. Ask for help with household chores, studying, raising children.

And the most important advice is to love him. A man who has a loving and caring wife waiting at home is more likely to be successful in his career and does not experience problems with self-esteem.

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Very often, parents are faced with the question of how to help their child accept himself and become more confident. Problems with self-esteem become especially acute during adolescence. The tips presented above are intended for independent adults. Children need a different approach.

If an adult is able to correct his own internal psychological processes, a child is not yet able to do this. The self-esteem of a little person largely depends on the actions of the parents. I'll tell you what you should and shouldn't do to increase it when necessary. Here are some tips:

1. Don't be too demanding of your child. You remember that excessive perfectionism is very harmful in life. Your personal vanity can become a source of big problems for your child. And also huge bills for the services of a psychotherapist to restore healthy self-esteem.
2. Praise your child for any success. Don't be a callous cookie who takes all your little one's achievements for granted.
3. Help your child discover and develop talents. Introduce him to art, take him to clubs and sports clubs. Be patient! It may take a long time before he finds his occupation.
4. Allow your son or daughter to be independent. Let him choose his own clothes, arrange the room at his own discretion, pay for purchases in the store, naturally, under your control.
5. Teach your child to solve problems, resolve conflicts, and defend their rights. If you do this for him all the time, he will grow up helpless and dependent. This will not have the best effect on self-esteem.

Movies

When you watch TV shows about a beautiful life, they plunge you into an even greater abyss of your own complexes. There is a constant comparison of oneself with on-screen characters in favor of the latter. It lowers rather than increases self-esteem. Therefore, while working on yourself, exclude them from your pastime. They have a worthy replacement. Firstly, various trainings, master classes and video trainings in the form of documentaries. Secondly, masterpieces of artistic cinema that motivate rather than destroy self-awareness.

Documentary:

1. Brian Tracy. Self-esteem. Psychology of success.
2. Depression and self-esteem. Jacque Fresco. Venus Project.
3. How to increase self-esteem? 10 proven methods.
4. Psychology of Personality. Low self-esteem. How to improve low self-esteem.
5. Self-confidence is the key to victory!

Artistic:

1. The Pursuit of Happyness.
2. Always say yes".
3. Peaceful warrior.
4. Never give up.
5. The man who changed everything.

Self-Esteem Functions

In psychology, self-esteem is considered an important component of personality, which has a number of functions.

Regulatory

Ensures that a person performs tasks and makes decisions.

It evaluates, provides protection, and stimulates the achievement of goals.

Protective

It allows the individual to become independent and develop relative stability.

Developmental

A person strives to improve his skills and abilities and is constantly developing.

Reflective

Self-esteem shows a person’s awareness of his actions and traits.

Emotional

Provides a feeling of satisfaction with one's life, qualities and characteristics.

Adaptive

Self-esteem will allow a person to adapt to society and the world around him.

Prognostic

Thanks to this function, human activity is regulated at the beginning of his activity.

Corrective

Allows you to provide control during life.

Retrospective

A person evaluates his behavior and work at the final stage of his journey.

Motivating

It encourages a person to act in order to achieve approval and receive positive self-esteem reactions in the form of satisfaction, pride in oneself, self-esteem, and improved self-perception.

Terminal

If certain actions provoke criticism and develop a person's feeling of dissatisfaction with himself, in this situation he stops his activities.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Self-awareness is stable and retains its characteristics regardless of the influence of external stimuli.

Self-confidence and personality perception depend on what aspirations a person has and how reality matches them.

Books

To increase your self-esteem, read motivational and training books on this topic. If you work with a psychologist, he will suggest the list himself. If you study on your own, you can use a small rating of the best works written by well-known practitioners. Each of them is a real masterpiece that can change your self-awareness.

The main rule is to read carefully and follow all the recommendations that the authors give, take tests, analyze their results, and carry out the auto-trainings described in them.

1. Zimbardo F. Shyness. What is it and how to deal with it.
2. Levi V. The art of being yourself.
3. Mamontov S. Yu. Believe in yourself. Self confidence training.
4. Muir E. Self-confidence. A book for working on yourself.
5. Parfentyeva L. 100 ways to change your life.
6. Robert E. The main secrets of absolute self-confidence.
7. Santandreu R. How not to turn your life into a nightmare. 20 proven ways to escape the captivity of toxic thoughts to the shores of a new life.
8. Sergeeva O. M., Tarasov E. A. How to raise self-esteem and become self-confident. Tests and rules.
9. Frank P. How to become self-confident. Just 6 minutes a day. Training book.
10. Hibbard D., Asmar D. This book will make you confident.

Raising self-esteem is a long and difficult process. It is quite difficult to go through it alone, although it is possible. However, it will be better if you initially start communicating with like-minded people, find the strength to make an appointment with a psychologist, and enlist the support of your loved ones. These actions will force you to step out of your comfort zone and begin the path to the life you deserve, to those dreams that will now finally become reality.

Accepting your characteristics

Almost every person has traits that they don't like. You know perfectly well what doesn’t suit you about yourself, be it short stature, excess weight or baldness.

Make a list of these qualities and write a thank you note for each one. For example: “Thanks to my bald head for helping me spend less shampoo,” “Thanks to my height for the fact that I can fit comfortably in any car,” or “Thanks to my belly for carrying my child.”

You may not like some of your traits, but they make you who you are. The attitude towards them can be changed. And loving yourself is much more useful and pleasant than always being dissatisfied with yourself.

Content

• What is self-esteem? Her levels
• Self-esteem tests
• Self-esteem test No. 1
• Self-esteem test No. 2
• Self-Esteem Functions
• Why low self-esteem needs to be corrected
• Causes of low self-esteem
• Signs of low self-esteem
• Signs of high self-esteem
• Tips to help improve self-esteem
• Learn to set achievable and realistic goals
• Give up criticism
• Stop comparing yourself to others
• Learn to accept praise
• Don't make excuses
• Learn to ask for help
• Communicate more often with loved ones and people who love you
• Get your things done
• Learn to love your body
• Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle
• Watch your appearance
• Get rid of bad habits
• Communicate with optimists and successful people
• Attend psychologists and trainings
• Listen to affirmations
• Learn to get out of your “comfort zone”
• Read positive literature
• Find your dream job
• Learn to give yourself to others
• Live by your wishes
• Don't be jealous
• Don't impose yourself, don't be a hypocrite, and don't be false.
• Throw away your laziness
• Take action!
• Techniques and techniques for increasing self-esteem
• Make a list of your positive qualities
• Keep a “Success Diary”
• Amulet
• Actor
• Speaker
• Clown
• Conclusion

What is it for?

The development of adequate self-esteem is required for practical survival in society. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, you can wisely emphasize some and hide others - this works to create a positive image, helps in your career, establishing the right connections and overall advancement.

Inner peace from understanding your place in life (be it a president, or a failed student) gives inner stability. This is an adequate point from which you can start, but if the presented image and the real one diverge, then there is less calm, those around you react as if to a soap bubble and bypass you. Fewer anxieties and internal tension make a person healthier somatically, gain secure relationships with others built on honesty, a safe living environment, and reliable functioning of the body without nervous breakdowns. Also, adequate self-esteem allows a person to more easily accept both the world around him and all his manifestations, hence there is less tendency to various types of addictions and eating disorders.

The reality of your goals and the ability to calculate your capabilities allows you to achieve much more. The widespread desire to improve self-esteem, raise it and feel confident and happy only leads to illusion. Thinking that he can easily cope with everything, a person does not calculate the time, his limited strength and ends up failing. Someone who has an adequate assessment will not go into confrontation with a stronger person, but will offer cooperation, ask for advice from a professional, and will not resolve all issues on their own. Perhaps, even admitting your true stupidity, you can achieve more by simply delegating all the necessary tasks than with average intelligence trying to do everything alone.

This is the main survival mechanism found even in animals. Competent scanning of the surrounding space, correlating this with your skills and dimensions allows you to survive. A medium-sized predator, seeing small prey, decides to attack and remains well-fed, which prolongs its life. But when confronted with a large enemy, he flees and also remains alive. If you do not correctly assess yourself, your strengths and the world around you, and act equally in both of these situations, then the result will be disastrous. Therefore, some mechanisms for tracking the world are fixed evolutionarily, the rest are more highly developed, usually relating to the social level, which a person must develop himself.

Self-esteem concerns not only one’s own position and skills, but also resources and the ability to distribute them. Realizing that you have a lot of money, but you are extremely tired, it makes sense to order a taxi; those who are cheerful but poor should choose to walk. All this is not only a method of saving and proper allocation of resources, but also of building successful further activities and development. A person can finally predict what his actions will lead to. Only with an immature personal structure and inadequate self-esteem can any person’s actions lead to different, and most importantly surprising, results.

Techniques and techniques for increasing self-esteem

Psychologists advise using the following exercises for people with low self-esteem.

Make a list of your positive qualities

People with low self-esteem are not used to talking and thinking well about themselves. It is easier for them to find 100 flaws in themselves than several advantages. But every person has a lot of positive qualities.

In order to understand this, take a piece of paper and write down all your advantages. For example, you bake the most delicious pies, you can fix any household item, you have beautiful hair, long eyelashes, a thin waist, etc. During the day, add new advantages to the list, and then attach it to a visible place (for example, on the refrigerator) and review regularly.

Keep a “Success Diary”

This method is very similar to the previous one. Only now you will have to write down your successes and achievements every day in a designated notebook. For example, they gave alms to a needy person, helped a child solve a problem, prepared a very tasty dinner, helped his wife do her shopping, etc.

This method will help increase your level of self-esteem thanks to a visual list of achievements.

Amulet

People have a lot of fears. But everyone has to overcome them every day. If you can't do this, try finding an amulet for yourself. It can be any little thing (for example, a coin, a small toy, etc.). It is unlikely to have magical properties, but you must believe that the amulet will help you and protect you from troubles.

So, overcoming fear and self-doubt, you will achieve your goal, and any achievements have a beneficial effect on the human psyche.

Actor

Even if you don't feel happy, try to play the role of a cheerful and carefree person. Imagine that you are an actor who has been assigned an important role and you need to get into character. Very soon you will notice that you are no longer playing a role, but actually feel more successful and happy.

Speaker

This method is aimed at overcoming fears. If you are a shy student and don't like speaking in public, ask for an assignment that involves speaking in public. Offer your candidacy as the main character in a theatrical production, or take on writing a report that you will successfully read at an open seminar.

By leaving your “comfort zone,” you get rid of fears, thereby gaining confidence in your own abilities.

Clown

If you feel inferior, are sure that you look bad and try not to attract much attention, then this method is just for you.

Dress very brightly and tastelessly, like a clown. Apply provocative makeup, put on pants and a skirt, attach curlers or a winter hat to your head in the summer and go to the store. Don't pay attention to the surprised looks of passers-by. This is how you leave your “comfort zone”.

Once you reincarnate into your everyday look, you will definitely become confident/confident and increase your self-esteem.

What is self-esteem? Her levels

There are several definitions for this concept, but the simplest and easiest to understand is the following.

Self-esteem is a person's attitude towards himself. It can be overestimated, normal and underestimated.

People who extol their skills, human qualities, talents, physical capabilities, etc. suffer from high self-esteem. Most often, these are “narcissists” who do not have outstanding capabilities. They simply cannot adequately evaluate themselves, so they consider themselves better than others.

Adequate self-esteem is found in people who realistically assess their strengths and skills. They understand that in addition to their advantages, they also have disadvantages. But they do not focus on failures, but confidently go through life, achieving their goals.

Low self-esteem is not uncommon in modern society. People with such self-esteem cannot adequately assess all their abilities and consider themselves worse than others, constantly creating complexes and fears for themselves. These are pessimists who do not believe in their abilities, constantly complain about life and do not know how to overcome self-doubt.

Of these three categories, people with low self-esteem are the most common. It is this level of self-esteem that is dangerous for a person’s mental, physical and moral state.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself and how can it harm?

With inflated self-esteem, an individual tends to overestimate his capabilities and, accordingly, has an increased level of aspirations. He is self-confident, takes on the most difficult cases, even beyond his real capabilities, is categorical in his assessments and stubborn as a donkey in his statements. It is almost impossible to convince him, he does not take into account the opinions of others, and is inclined to idealize his own person.

The main signs of high self-esteem are the following manifestations: • Arrogance and arrogance. • Lack of self-criticism and painful perception of criticism from others. • Boundless self-confidence, lack of authority, ignoring other people's opinions. • Leadership ambitions, the desire to be first always and everywhere, envy and hostility towards more successful people. • In case of failure of projects, non-admission of one's guilt and incompetence, manifestation of aggression towards competitors, shifting responsibility to others. • Imposing your opinion, advice and experience, even if no one was interested in them. • The predominance of his own self in any conversation, which he will in any case turn into a discussion of his beloved self and ordinary bragging. • A person with high self-esteem often becomes toxic, because he would rather drive those around him to a nervous breakdown than himself, because he is independent of other people's opinions and is not at all worried about this. Read more about toxic relationships.

Most often, the origins of excessively high self-esteem lie in childhood, when a spoiled child is accustomed to being the center of adult attention and always getting what is required. The little family idol, whom everyone admires, indulges all his whims and fulfills his desires, begins to believe in his exclusivity and with such convictions enters adulthood. By the way, inflated self-esteem can also develop in adulthood in the presence of exceptional circumstances. For example, when a girl turns out to be the only representative of the fairer sex in a purely male team or is distinguished by extraordinary external characteristics that attract everyone's attention to her.