Active listening is a useful skill for establishing deep contact with your interlocutor and effectively finding a joint solution to issues. This is a difficult communication skill that can sometimes cause confusion. For many people, listening is a passive reception of information from people around them.
The attitude towards contact with an interlocutor was accurately described by the American satirist Mark Twain: “Most conversations are a monologue in the presence of witnesses.” But this position becomes a trap, falling into which we misinterpret the meaning of the conversation. The dialogue ends with misunderstandings, unpleasant feelings, and problems in relationships. How to avoid this?
Active listening - what is it?
When talking to someone, we are often not fully mentally involved in the process. Our brain is busy with abstract processes:
- strong emotional experiences;
- thinking about personal problems;
- subjective assessment of the interlocutor.
These are familiar communication scenarios that seem normal. We listen, but we don't hear! This is how a passive approach to contact with people is expressed, becoming the cause of many difficulties. Active listening is the complete opposite of how you normally communicate. This is a process of conscious interaction in which attention is focused on the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor. There are no background noises in the head, and no extraneous processes (for example, assessment of appearance).
We are absorbed in the moment here and now, so we direct the conversation in the necessary direction to obtain a lot of useful information. It will not be distorted by our subjective mental filters. In addition, by learning the technique of active listening, you can send signals of interest to your interlocutor. They will become a strong foundation for fruitful relationships in the future.
Use in communication psychology
Types of communication in psychology - what they include, its functions
The method of active perception is a technique used in psychological practices, in psychotherapeutic consultations, during various trainings in order to better understand a person’s feelings and experiences.
The listening technique in communication psychology is used for:
- directing the conversation in the right direction;
- assisting in understanding, evaluating and remembering information;
- encouraging the interlocutor to answer the necessary questions;
- insurance against incorrect interpretation of information;
- establishing psychological contact with the interlocutor and harmoniously building a line of conversation;
- establishing conflict-free coexistence in society.
Active Listening Technique: Basic Principles
No matter how eloquent the speaker may be, we can only get the most from the information presented if we learn to listen correctly. This is precisely the goal of active listening. The main factors contributing to its development:
- Accepting the interlocutor as he is. It represents careful control of emotions and subjective assessments, which can greatly interfere with understanding what is heard.
- Make eye contact at eye level. It consists of resisting the temptation to look at foreign objects or the clothes of the interlocutor. It's better to look into your eyes.
- Asking questions. It represents an appropriate clarification of meaning, serving as confirmation of sincere interest in the subject of conversation.
The technique of active listening is used in psychology. Psychologists describe it as the perception of information “with the whole body.” Active listening has been scientifically proven to help us better understand people's situations. When communicating with clients, specialists use techniques for participating in dialogue that help more accurately determine their condition. Deep immersion, establishing trust, and analyzing the patient’s condition provide effective assistance. These points explain the second name for active listening - empathic.
The book “Miracles of Active Listening” will help you study more deeply the technique of establishing contact between active listening and argumentation. The author is a famous Russian scientist, popularizer of science, honored psychologist Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter. She was the first to introduce the concept of active listening into our culture, described what it includes, and how it significantly improves the quality of life.
Interpersonal distance
Those who are more interested and determined to reach agreement sit closer to the interlocutor, while others sit further away. However, too close a location (up to 0.5 m) is perceived as intimate; distance from 0.5 to 1.2 m - for a friendly conversation; social distance (1.2–3.7 m) - for business relationships; public distance (more than 3.7 m) - to exchange a few words or no contact at all.
Usually a person intuitively positions himself at the appropriate distance. However, some adjustments taking into account the above will make it possible to use this resource more efficiently. After all, you need to think not only about your own convenience, but also about the convenience of your partner, about giving the conversation the right tone.
Women are more comfortable with their interlocutors being fairly close together. Elderly people and children also prefer to stay closer than middle-aged people, young people, and teenagers.
Interlocutors of equal status are comfortable with closer proximity compared to the situation when they are talking with a person of higher status.
Based on how the interlocutor is positioned (close or far, at what angle), one can make a preliminary judgment about his attitude towards his partner.
Effective Active Listening Techniques
There are many ways to turn passive listening into active listening. In addition to the above basic factors, there are three more techniques that are also worth familiarizing yourself with. They help you quickly understand the process.
| Active Listening Technique | Peculiarities |
| Echo | It consists of repeating the partner’s last words, but with a questioning intonation. This is the right moment to clarify and demonstrate the importance of the information coming from the interlocutor. Emphasis on the importance of the individual. |
| Interpretation | It involves making assumptions about the goals and reasons for such a position of the interlocutor in the dialogue. Often begins with the phrase “I assume that what you meant by the above was to achieve...”. Allows you to demonstrate sincere interest in the other person’s opinion and clarify details. |
| Paraphrasing | It is a brief repetition of what has been said. The beginning of the sentence is the phrase: “If I understand correctly, you meant...”. Allows you to show interest and find out the nuances. |
Thus, active listening is a technology that almost always includes two components:
- clarifying the true meaning of the conversation;
- displaying signs confirming the value of dialogue.
Feeling his own importance and genuine interest in the conversation, the interlocutor becomes more open. This contributes to fruitful mutually beneficial communication, the establishment of trust, and strong relationships. Such results are valuable in any area of life (communication with family members and friends, cooperation with partners and colleagues).
A powerful enhancer of all active listening techniques and techniques is empathy. People who know how to feel the state of others are able to quickly establish positive contact and use any techniques appropriately and delicately. Therefore, to increase the effectiveness of using the selected techniques (from the list below), it is important to work on the level of empathy.
Let's take a break
After your opponent has finished his story, you should just remain silent for a couple of minutes. Such a pause will allow you to better digest what you heard and separate emotions from the true subject of the conversation. For the person speaking, such a break will allow him to rest a little, remember something important and say it. Often, using this technique helps him open up even deeper after a short break.
Please clarify
Sometimes the interlocutor misses many important and interesting details in his story. Showing attention to them is a great way to emphasize the value of the information coming from him and his sincere interest in it. Also, this technique of active listening will help avoid omissions and strengthen trusting relationships, forming a complete picture in your imagination on the topic of the conversation.
Developing the idea
Sometimes a person deviates from the essence of the conversation or cannot find the exact words to continue the topic. In this case, the technique of active listening to develop the main idea of the conversation will be an excellent assistant. It is necessary to return the speaker to the main thread of the dialogue and delicately develop it with him.
Making a message
A technique that helps you delicately give feedback. Depending on situational features, it can be implemented in two options:
- Reporting perception. The listener shares his impressions of the partner or directly from the conversation that took place. This approach is especially valuable for strengthening connections between children and parents and spouses.
- A message about self-perception. In this case, the listener describes his internal state after the conversation and the changes that have occurred.
Whatever the message (positive or negative), it is important to express it in a calm, friendly tone. Rudeness, aggressive accusations and other negative forms of expressing feelings instantly nullify the effectiveness of active listening.
Talking about emotions
This technique of active listening involves open communication about the internal state of the interlocutor, expressing a desire to support or help. For example, when the speaker becomes very upset during the conversation, this technique is implemented with the phrase “I see how difficult and painful it is for you to talk about this...”. Helps demonstrate sensitivity, which often forms the basis of trusting relationships.
Making comments about the conversation
The technique allows you to express the final result of the successful (or vice versa) development of the conversation. Provides commentary on achieving a common understanding of a topic. If this has not been achieved, the remark may reflect a problem of misunderstanding. This is how the next stage of its effective resolution is formed (after the exact formulation of the subject of the dispute or misunderstanding).
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1. The listener has a critical attitude towards himself, taking into account the fact that he has not only advantages, but also disadvantages when perceiving information. This makes it possible to identify and promptly eliminate such weaknesses as unreasonable interruption of the interlocutor, excessive emotionality, hasty conclusions, and unnecessary gestures.
2. Use active listening to prevent communication from becoming one-sided. The listening process should also be two-way. Communicators should take turns acting as a listener.
3. Showing constant physical attention to the interlocutor. This is expressed in the fact that eye contact is maintained with him, and posture and gestures indicate a respectful attitude towards the partner and his information. To do this, the face of the listener must be turned to him, and the interpersonal distance between them must be convenient for communication. The absence of emotional manifestations in the person receiving the information is often an indicator that he is inattentive to the interlocutor.
4. Conscious concentration of the listener’s perception on what is being discussed, on the most important points of the incoming information. To do this, if possible, try to eliminate all interference that complicates perception.
For this purpose, we also stop “thought wandering,” when, while listening, they think about something completely different. For example, when receiving information about the structure of a tractor, listeners think about who is more attractive as a tractor driver - a brunette or a blonde.
5. Attention not only to the content of information, but also to the emotions that the interlocutor shows when presenting it.
The content of the following phrases is the same, but they have different emotional connotations:
- I drank this wine.
— I finally drank this wine.
- I even drank this wine.
- I already drank this wine.
6. The listener's attention to the nonverbal means of expression used by the speaker. This makes it possible to determine the degree of their compliance with the content. As a result of this, the listener, having made the appropriate conclusions, can more correctly determine the manner of his behavior in further communication.
7. The listener uses a positive attitude towards the opposite side, even if he does not like it very much or causes only negative emotions.
A negative attitude makes listening difficult, reduces its effectiveness, interferes with understanding the true meaning of what is heard, and creates wariness.
8. Constantly demonstrate your understanding of what is being said, using both reflective and non-reflective listening techniques.
9. Simultaneously listening to oneself, understanding those thoughts, ideas and emotions that arose in his subject.
10. Adequate response of the listener to the perceived information.
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TOPIC 2. Business hearing
Psychologists have found that in many professions, almost half of the working day is spent listening to others, but most of us do not really know how to listen. Almost every one of us can be addressed with the words: “Listen, you don’t know how to listen!”
But defects in listening result not only in huge losses, but sometimes in disasters, accidents, and troubles. In 1977, two airliners collided in the Canary Islands. More than 580 people died. And only because the airplane pilots did not listen to the transmitted commands the way they should have listened.
In one hospital, the nurse did not listen very carefully to what the patient was saying about the incompatibility of his body with a very common medicine. As a result of a simple injection, the patient died.
Why are there exceptional, rare cases? According to American psychologists, in the United States the main reason for the dissolution of marital unions is the inability of husbands and wives to listen to each other...
Listening is perhaps the most difficult of all human skills. Experts claim that approximately eight to nine out of ten people do not know how to listen. A typical mistake of many: “I said it, he should have understood.” In fact, the interlocutor correctly understands approximately 30% of 100% of what we intended and said.
It is known that half of most people's waking hours are spent listening. But we only use about 25% of our listening ability.
Why can't people listen?
The reasons are different:
they think that they have already understood, although the interlocutor has not yet said everything;
rush to answer, not paying attention to the interlocutor;
are prejudiced against the interlocutor, do not consider it necessary to listen to him (he is still young, what smart thing can he say?);
they feel a desire to assert themselves, to “present themselves” - such people do not listen, but are busy thinking about their remarks, advice and comments;
people feel tired;
people lose attention due to the length of the interlocutor’s speech and many others. etc.
The ability to listen, according to experts in this field, consists of three components: attention, friendliness, activity.
Rules for effective (attentive) listening.
The main ones are:
1. Take the pose of an attentive listener.
2. Look at your interlocutor.
3. Don't interrupt. By interrupting a person who has not said everything, we arouse his annoyance, and it will not allow him to agree with our objections. Having discharged himself, he will listen much more willingly.
4. Don't give in to your emotions. When you feel like you are out of control, put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
5. Do not give negative assessments of what you heard during the hearing. Let the interlocutor speak out to the end.
6. Don’t be silent; from time to time, give your interlocutor signals that you are listening and you have a certain attitude towards what was said. Accompany your interlocutor’s speech with your own supportive remarks such as: “Yes!”, “I understand you...”, “That’s interesting...”, “Nice to hear that...”, etc.
7. No side thoughts. Since the speed of thinking is much faster than the speed of speech, use your “free time” to critically analyze and draw conclusions from what you hear directly.
8. While you are listening, you cannot think about the next question, much less prepare counterarguments.
9. Encourage your interlocutor to explain his points to you: “Please clarify this...”, “Will you repeat it again?”, “Will you explain this?”
10. Repeat the words of the interlocutor in your own words: “As I understood you...”, “You can correct me if I’m wrong...”, “In other words, do you think...”, etc.
Observing how others listen often helps you become more aware of your own listening patterns. Observe how two or three people are listening to each other while having a general conversation. While observing, you were not directly involved in the conversation. You didn't have to speak up or think about your own wording. Did this make the listening process easier? Did it open up additional opportunities to better understand your interlocutors? Of course yes!
Your role in this conversation was outwardly passive, but you probably learned that listening is an active process.
There are two main methods of listening: active and passive .
Passive is also called non-reflective (not accompanied by reflection, deliberation), active - reflexive (reflective). Each of these listening methods is appropriate in certain circumstances.
Active
listening
active feedback to the speaker. It allows you to eliminate distortions of information in the communication process and more accurately understand the meaning of statements.
Business listening is active listening in business communication settings.
Active listening is stimulated by special techniques. There are 4 main techniques for stimulating active listening.
Finding out
This is a direct appeal to the speaker for clarification. It helps make the message clearer. To get additional information or clarify the meaning of certain statements, you can ask, for example: “Please clarify this.” If you need to understand the essence of what the interlocutor is saying, you can ask: “Is this the problem as you understand it?” Questions like these promote better understanding.
Paraphrasing
To paraphrase means to formulate the same idea differently, in different words. The purpose of paraphrasing is to formulate the speaker's own thoughts to check the accuracy of understanding.
Paraphrasing can begin with the words: “If I understand you correctly...”, “In other words, you think...”, “You think...”
It is important to paraphrase only the essential, main ideas of the message.
Reflection of feelings
By reflecting the feelings of the interlocutor, we show him that we understand his condition. You can use phrases like:
“It seems to me that you are experiencing...”,
“You probably feel...”
“Don’t you feel a little…”
“I see you are excited...” etc.
When reflecting the emotional state of the speaker, one should take into account the degree of intensity of his feelings, using the appropriate words for this - a few, a little, completely, very, etc.
To better understand the feelings of your interlocutor, you need to monitor his facial expression, posture, gestures, intonation, the distance established by the communication partner, i.e., non-verbal means of communication.
Understanding the speaker’s feelings requires great sensitivity, delicacy, and a high degree of development of psychological culture. Trying to name or reveal the speaker's true feelings when he is trying to hide them hinders effective communication.
Summary
Summarizing is a generalization, summing up. This technique is advisable to use during long conversations. The summary should be formulated in your own words, using introductory phrases, for example: “Your main ideas, as I understand it, are ...”, “To summarize what has been said, then ...”, “So, you believe that ....”
Summarizing is especially useful in situations where decisions need to be made—resolving conflicts, discussing disagreements, handling grievances, etc., as well as in group discussions. Summarizing is also advisable when the consequence of the conversation should be some action on the part of the listener.
Passive listening
- this is not bad listening at all, but a special type of listening that needs to be mastered.
This is passive but attentive listening, this is listening
.
It involves minimal interference in the interlocutor’s speech with maximum concentration on it. We must learn to be silent attentively,
demonstrating understanding, goodwill and support. This technique makes it easier for the speaker to express himself and helps the listener to better understand the meaning of the statements and to grasp what is behind the words.
Brief, neutral, non-informational remarks support the conversation, encouraging the interlocutor to speak out. They demonstrate interest and a desire to understand. For example, the following can be used as neutral statements:
Yes?
Continue, continue...
This is interesting.
I would like more details.
Understand…
Here it is necessary to pay attention to the fact that the remarks should be neutral in content and friendly in intonation. If irony, irritation, or hostility are evident in the voice or tone, such remarks will be perceived completely differently by the interlocutors and, most likely, will not lead to mutual understanding, but to the termination of the conversation or conflict.
Passive listening
It is advisable to use in the following situations:
if the interlocutor is eager to express his attitude towards something, wants to express his point of view;
if the interlocutor is worried, offended by something or experiences other negative emotions; during periods of emotional crises, people often look not for advisers, but for “resonators”;
The simple opportunity to express what has accumulated brings emotional relief to the speaker (the law of speech absorption of emotions), and helps the listener understand the reasons for his actions and experiences.
In one experiment, people were asked if something was bothering them. If they answered yes, they were asked to talk about their feelings and problems to the recording device. A common emotional problem for almost half of the experiment participants was the difficulty of self-expression. However, after the experiment, many felt better because they were given the opportunity to speak out. At the same time, many have the opinion that the tape recorder is better than any interlocutor - precisely because he “listens attentively.”
3. when talking with shy, insecure people.
A shy person just needs to be listened to, and he will appreciate the outcome of the conversation.
Adjacent files in the folder Communication styles (Part 2)
- #17.03.2015124.02 Kb51 BUSINESS COMMUNICATION (basic provisions).docx
- #17.03.201523.15 Kb40BUSINESS HEARING.docx
- #17.03.201519.87 Kb45TASK FOR HOMEWORK (after 2 lessons).docx
- #17.03.201551.89 Kb141 LAWS OF COMMUNICATION (topic 2).docx
- #17.03.201535.33 Kb17 Topics of control essays for the course DO.doc
Sources used:
- https://pedagogical.academic.ru/729/listening
- https://ru.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/listening
- https://srazu.pro/razvitie/aktivnoe-slushanie-v-psixoloii.html
- https://studopedia.ru/7_12009_pravila-effektivnogo-slushaniya.html
- https://studfile.net/preview/2166345/
Active Listening Techniques
Active listening techniques are different from techniques. They are based on the development of the skill of understanding the meaning of a conversation deeper than words convey. It was mentioned above that the ability to empathize plays a huge role in the successful implementation of active listening and argumentation techniques. It is this that underlies modern methods, manifesting itself at three basic levels:
- Empathy. It consists in the manifestation of the same emotions that possess the opponent. For example, when he cries, the listener also has tears in his eyes.
- Sympathy. It manifests itself in the form of an offer to help the interlocutor when he finds himself in a difficult situation.
- Sympathy. Represents a persistent favorable, friendly attitude towards the speaker.
Using methods is a way to penetrate into the inner world of another person, when the conversation is not limited to words. It becomes capacious and informative, but also requires great psycho-emotional costs. Although they fully pay off in the subsequent formation of strong, trusting relationships.
The basic methods of active listening were formulated by the leader and creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rance Rogers. They are as follows:
- Sincere, deep participation in the inner world of the speaking person.
- Open expression of feelings.
- Lack of characteristic roles limited to formal actions.
- Stable fulfillment of obligations towards the interlocutor.
A special place is given to empathic silence. This method involves no comments to allow the other person to speak from the heart. But silence is accompanied by nonverbal signals that make the interlocutor feel interested in his situation and the person as a whole. They include head shakes, gestures, and facial expressions appropriately used in the communication process.
Smile
Don’t just smile, but smile at your interlocutor. A smile works wonders. We've all heard about people who made a career for themselves thanks to a beautiful smile.
The secret of smiling is this: actions are more expressive than words, and actions are more credible. A smile is an action that means “I treat you well. I like you, I feel good with you, I’m glad to see you.” A friendly disposition usually gives rise to a reciprocal disposition.
In many countries, employees are required to smile at the visitor - this makes it easier to resolve issues. Often in foreign offices there are signs addressed to clients: “Smile!”
Representatives of some professions are specially taught to smile: television announcers, actors, politicians, diplomats.
The outstanding teacher A. S. Makarenko wrote that through constant exercises in front of the mirror, he developed about a hundred different smiles, appropriate in different situations. His example is a lesson to others! This science is seriously studied in business schools. In particular, special mirror cards have been created with the image of a wide smile, which students, looking at their reflection, try to reproduce.
It has been established through observation that gloomy faces age faster. Gloomy people have a gloomy mood, which does not inspire favor with others.
Exercises to develop active listening skills
To develop this useful skill, pair training is used. One of the participants plays the role of the listener, and the second - the speaker. Then they change places. On average, the duration of the exercises is 30-45 minutes. During this time, the following stages are implemented:
- During the first 5 minutes, one of the interlocutors talks about personal difficulties, indicating the probable reasons for their occurrence. The partner interacts with him using active listening techniques.
- A couple of minutes after the first stage are allotted to the speaker’s statements about what specifically in the listener’s behavior helped or hindered him from opening up in the conversation.
- After this 5 minutes, the person speaking continues to share his thoughts. Now let’s talk about what character traits help him cope with the mentioned difficulties. His partner's task is to continue to use active listening, taking into account the errors identified in the second stage.
- For the next 5 minutes, the listener summarizes what was understood from the previous two stories of the speaking partner. He only nods to indicate agreement with him or vice versa. When incorrect interpretations are identified, the former listener corrects them in such a way that the interlocutor agrees with him.
The end of the first round of lessons comes after the speaker from the pair can accurately formulate what exactly he was understood correctly, and where there was an erroneous interpretation. After this, the partners change roles.
Rules of touching
You should not touch your interlocutor if he is in a bad mood or an unpleasant issue is being discussed.
People react especially painfully to arrogant and familiar movements: patting on the shoulder or cheek. Adults usually perceive this as extreme tactlessness.
By capturing the positive emotions of your interlocutor with your touch and repeating the touch to the same place at the end of the conversation, you can strengthen your partner’s affection for you after the end of the conversation. (This technique is described in more detail in the chapter on neurolinguistic programming, which talks about anchoring.)
Examples of active listening in practice
Examples of the use of active listening techniques are everywhere. At work, they are reflected in the form of improved relationships with the team. In the family they help overcome periods of crisis and conflict. Moreover, in any interaction, active listening manifests itself in two planes - non-verbal and verbal. The first involves facial expressions and gestures that make the contact deeper. In the second, these are phrases correctly constructed in accordance with the chosen technique. For example:
- “What exactly do you mean?”
- “I understand you perfectly!”
- “This is really interesting!”
This also includes the question of how what the interlocutor is talking about happened.
Hearing and listening are not the same thing
And it's not just a matter of alternation. Think for a moment and answer the following question honestly. How often during, for example, the last month, when talking with a stranger or someone you barely know, did you pay more attention to what he was saying rather than thinking about your next response? So as not to be deceived, move on - try to remember what exactly he told you. In most cases, this will be quite difficult to do due to the underdeveloped habit of not just listening, but actually hearing the interlocutor.
The realities of the information space are such that technology, which is designed to provide more convenient and widespread contact between people, at the same time is sometimes an obstacle to true understanding. And this, by the way, is the basis of effective communication. The ability to listen is the basis for accurately receiving and interpreting incoming messages and interacting with the interlocutor. Today, many top companies even conduct special trainings for their employees, where they teach listening skills. And this is not an imaginary concern or a senseless waste of money, as it might seem at first glance. Developing this skill allows you to better understand clients and build cooperation more productively, avoid common mistakes and work conflicts, and expand the exchange of information, which promotes creative and innovative work.
For example, a staunch follower of the idea that the main thing for creating effective communication within a company is the ability to listen is the famous businessman Richard Branson. The founder of the Virgin Group corporation has repeatedly stated this in numerous interviews and speeches. Research also confirms this: active listeners have more friends and a developed networking system, they are more self-confident and better protected from the negative effects of stress.
Returning to the stated topic, about and “listen,” despite all the similarity of grammatical structures, are two different concepts. The ability to listen, as a quality necessary for anyone who strives for effective communication, includes both. And how to learn this is described below.
