Greetings! Dale Carnegie can be viewed in different ways. But even his opponents agree that he is an outstanding psychologist, teacher, writer, lecturer, speaker and motivator. Dale Carnegie is called one of the creators of communication theory. He not only translated a bunch of scientific developments in the field of communication psychology, but also for the first time managed to apply them in practice - in everyday life.
At one time I studied all of Dale Carnegie's books. And I know firsthand that his recommendations really work! No matter what the “whistleblowers” say.
So, Dale Carnegie: biography, achievements, books and useful recommendations.
Childhood and youth
Dale Breckenridge Carnegay was born in November 1888 in Missouri, in the town of Maryville. The psychologist would later change his last name to Carnegie to attract good luck and be consonant with the name of billionaire steel industrialist Andrew Carnegie, founder of the largest metal manufacturer United States Steel Corporation and a concert hall named after the philanthropist.
Dale Carnegie and his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”
Subsequently, the popular speaker will conduct the first business trainings on the stage of Carnegie Hall. Parents Amanda Elizabeth and James William kept a farm, but the farm did not generate income, they had to save on everything, even Dale wore his older brother’s clothes.
During his school years, Carnegie had no friends, he was very complex due to the plight of his family, and there was simply not enough time for informal communication - no one canceled work on the farm. A discussion group, where Dale joined, helped him to reveal his hidden talents so as not to be isolated at all in solitude. It was then that it turned out that the boy was undoubtedly eloquent and expressive.
Dale Carnegie
Father and mother set out to give their children a good education, despite financial difficulties. Dale entered the pedagogical college, but did not abandon the exercises in public speaking. Soon, fellow students began to specially gather to listen to the colorful speeches of the Carnegie student or to present him with another prize from the eloquence competition.
The future writer never finished college - he did not pass the Latin exam. But they had to live on something, and Carnegie opened courses for farmers in Western Nebraska and Eastern Wyoming. However, he soon realized that the title of village teacher was not the peak to which he aspired.
Speaker Dale Carnegie
Dale got a job selling meat products to Armor & Company. Working as a sales agent, the need to persuade, change positions, and studying the interlocutor’s feedback only contributed to the development of the art of public speaking. He summarized the conclusions that Carnegie came to while running around American homes with goods in his first brochure of useful tips.
Having saved up money, Carnegie quit trading and, at the height of the economic crisis, moved to New York. Here he settled in a house owned by the Young Men's Christian Association and began giving lectures to residents.
Teacher Dale Carnegie
There was no need to complain about the lack of an audience - in a state of depression, people rushed for psychological help, wanted to gain confidence, solve problems with loved ones, and some wanted to get advice on how to advance in their careers or grow their business.
The Christian Association increased Dale's fee, other centers heard about the lecturer, and invitations began to arrive. That first brochure, which was not sold out in Omaha, was also useful.
Childhood
Dale was born on November 24, 1988 in the town of Maryville, Missouri, US.
His mother, Amanda Elizabeth Harbison, taught school. Dad, James William Carnegie, was a farmer. Only the farm was so impoverished, and the family was simple and poor, that from childhood Dale had memories of how they eked out a miserable existence.
Despite the fact that Dale was still just a child, he worked tirelessly with his father and older brother. The boy had to get up at three o'clock in the morning to milk the frail cows. However, farming still went poorly. Almost every year, crops were destroyed by water, and pig populations died from various infections.
When the boy was fourteen years old, he first got galoshes. He appreciated this moment and remembered for a long time how great it was: there was bad weather around, and your feet were dry. One day, for a holiday, dad gave Dale ten cents, and the child then imagined himself as the owner of the treasures that the Indians were chasing in books.
Literature and Psychology
By 1926, Carnegie had gained such experience in communication that his impressions and conclusions were enough for his first serious book, “Oratory and Influencing Business Partners.” Moreover, the intricacies of his own training system allowed Dale to patent it and thereby obtain a source of permanent income.
Dale Carnegie writes a book
The next ten years led the teacher to the understanding that it is not enough for people to be able to speak beautifully; they want to change the worldview of those around them and influence decision-making. The fruit of his thoughts was the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” which became Carnegie’s most popular work. The publication sold millions of copies, and the amount of royalties at the current exchange rate made the author a billionaire.
It is generally accepted that the first impression is the most correct. On the pages of the book, Dale advised what needs to be done to make it good and subsequently affect what conclusions will be drawn in relation to you. The bestseller was also popular because Carnegie gave everyone familiar examples from life and gave clear practical recommendations: smile, don’t criticize, show interest.
Books by Dale Carnegie
After such a resounding success, the release of the next book was expected. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living was first published in Britain in 1948. In it, Dale shared his experience of finding ways to calm himself in everyday circumstances - at work, on public transport, in line at the store.
For some, stress passes without a trace, for others, anxiety turns into chronic. Carnegie suggested distancing oneself from the past and not worrying about the future, living for today and thinking positively. In addition, a calm person is a busy person, loaded with no matter what - a hobby, work, even an interesting vacation.
Speaker Dale Carnegie
One way to “start living” is to follow the Law of Large Numbers, which, as interpreted by Carnegie, states that the probability of a disturbing event occurring is negligible.
In How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public, Dale emphasized public speaking. According to The New York Times, this is almost the Bible for those who want to master the art of public speaking. In America alone, Carnegie's work went through hundreds of editions. Over the course of half a century, the practical guide has been translated into 30 languages.
Dale Carnegie
The author argues that self-confidence is not an innate given, but the result of performing special exercises, in particular public speaking, but according to certain rules. Among them are following a role model that a person likes, a neat appearance, and having a clear answer to the question “What do I want to say?” It is also important to carefully prepare your speech, rehearse more than once, try to look your interlocutor in the eyes and communicate with people with a rich vocabulary.
"Golden Recommendations" from Dale Carnegie
At one time, Dale Carnegie created the concept of successful and conflict-free communication. Here are some of his recommendations:
- If you suddenly feel a terrible desire to change someone, start with yourself.
- Admit your mistakes.
- Never use a commanding tone. You can recommend, but not control or order. Say “How can we do this?” instead of "Do it."
- Act as if you are already happy. And after some time you will definitely feel happier.
- Praise and approve of other people (kindly, sincerely, without irony or subtext).
- Don't complain, don't criticize, don't judge. How to refrain from criticism? Take a deep breath and hold your breath. Then exhale slowly and count to ten. And only after that continue the conversation.
- People are usually not interested in anyone but themselves.
- Rudeness kills love. Be polite to your family as well as to strangers.
- Why do marriages break up? Almost always - for one of three reasons: sexual incompatibility, financial problems and different views on leisure time.
Personal life
The family life page in the biography of Dale, who taught millions of people about personal success, is not so rosy. Carnegie lived with his first wife, Lolita Boker, for 10 years, and divorced in secret so as not to affect the sales of his next bestseller.
Happiness, it would seem, found the writer and psychologist in his second marriage. Dorothy Price Vanderpool went to Carneg lectures and read books. But in the end she turned out to be an enterprising woman - according to rumors, according to a well-drafted marriage contract, she owned half of Dale’s income. On the other hand, it was the wife who transferred her husband’s creative talent to business. The family grew up with two children: a common daughter, Donna, and Dorothy’s child from her first marriage, Rosemary.
Dale Carnegie and his wife Dorothy
Donna Carnegie served as chairman of the board of Dale Carnegie & Associates Inc. and published a book with an attention-grabbing title: How to Win Friends and Influence People. For teenage girls." Employees of American Express and Ford, Coca-Cola and Wal-Mart were sent to study at Carnegie University.
The programs included dozens of topics: laying the foundation for success and overcoming barriers, setting goals and harnessing the power of passion, effective presentations and international selling. By 2006, the number of graduates exceeded 7 million people in 70 countries.
Dale Carnegie Schools
Dale Carnegie founded the famous Institute of Oratory and Human Relations with branches in many countries around the world. Dale Carnegie University operates in St. Louis, where teaching psychologists are certified and trained every year.
He also created the international training company Dale Carnegie Training. Today there are about 3,000 certified trainers working there.
Unfortunately, today only the lazy do not kick Dale Carnegie for his advice and recommendations. It is often written that the “seller of happiness and success” died alone, committing suicide. How did the world bestselling author die? According to one version, he hanged himself, according to another, he put a bullet in his forehead.
In my opinion, this tragedy is not a reason to doubt the usefulness of his recommendations! For public and famous people, the personal life does not always work out. It’s difficult to remain an attentive husband and father when your every day is scheduled literally minute by minute. Well, unfortunately, no one is immune from serious illnesses (Carnegie suffered from a malignant lesion of lymphoid tissue).
Death
Towards the end of his life, Dale was left alone in his home in New York, his relationship with his wife turned into a nominal one. Carnegie was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, which, coupled with kidney failure, caused the writer's death in 1955.
Carnegie's grave at Belton Cemetery in New York
There is an opinion that Carnegie shot himself, unable to resist the disease. Dale Carnegie is buried in Belton Cemetery, Missouri.
Forward to triumph
He began to enjoy enormous popularity; numerous lectures attracted full houses. Carnegie opened his own public speaking courses. In his classes, he not only taught students to speak correctly and beautifully, he promised great glory in business, as well as in strengthening family and friendly relationships.
Carnegie Dale conscientiously studied numerous works of famous scientists, re-read the Bible, delved into the details of the lives of famous people. So, step by step, he created a mechanism of actions that, in his opinion, must necessarily lead to the success of any person. He developed a course of psychological classes aimed at studying proper communication skills, self-development and teaching the ability to conduct public speaking.
Quotes
There is only one way to earn love in this world - stop demanding it and start giving love without expecting gratitude.
Don't be afraid of the enemies that attack you. Beware of friends who flatter you.
Every person is a fool for at least five minutes a day. The real wisdom is not to exceed this time limit.
Of course, your husband has shortcomings. Otherwise, he would not have married you.
Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound to him in any language.
The genius of human souls?
So what is the secret of the success and worldwide fame of the famous publicist? In reality, Carnegie did not make any scientific discovery. He only skillfully took advantage of other people's scientific achievements in the field of psychology, managing to combine useful information into his own theory and correctly sell it to consumers.
There are no bad people, there are only bad circumstances, and you need to fight them - this is the principle that Dale Carnegie always preached. Quotes about life from the author’s books have long become commonplace, turning into useful advice. Some of them have become real mottos, which are successfully used in numerous trainings on successful business management.
Today his name is known to those people who are engaged in self-improvement and personal growth. Almost all the books of the famous writer and teacher became world bestsellers and remain so to this day.
For many years now, Friends Day has been celebrated in America every year on November 24th. It is no coincidence that the date of the celebration coincides with the birthday of Dale Carnegie. Everyone should know the lessons of success from a great man.
Fundamental Communication Techniques
Below are 3 key communication techniques from Dale Carnegie that will help you communicate effectively.
Refuse criticism and judgment
The famous American psychologist Burres Frederick Skinner proved that an animal rewarded for good behavior learns much faster and more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.
Further research showed that this principle also applies to people: criticism does not produce positive results. A person is a creature that is guided, first of all, by emotions, and only then by logic. Negative comments hurt pride and ego, so criticism is unable to direct the dialogue in a productive direction.
If the behavior of your interlocutor irritates you, do not rush to voice your thoughts. Think about the reasons for this behavior and tell yourself: “I must forgive him because...” and complete the sentence with an open mind. This will free you from the desire to criticize and judge.
Express your sincere gratitude
People satisfy most basic needs on their own. But there is one deep-rooted desire that is rarely realized: the desire to be significant, to be appreciated.
Let other people know that you value them. Words of sincere gratitude can increase the responsiveness and motivation of your interlocutor and become a driving force for success.
Give people what they want
Let's say your favorite dessert is sponge cake. Great choice! Now imagine that you went fishing and baited your hook with a cake instead of a worm. How many fish do you think you will catch? Most likely, not enough, because fish do not like cake, but prefer worms.
In other words, give people what they want, not what you like. Learn to see things from the other person's point of view, and motivate him to do what you want by pointing out the benefits he will receive. To do this, ask yourself 2 questions: “How can I make him want to do this?” and “How can I frame this in terms of his needs?”
Don't be selfish in communication. Remember that in front of you is a living person with a unique inner world, go into the depths and do not limit yourself to superficial communication.
