How to answer difficult questions quickly

Questions... Sometimes they are completely harmless. And sometimes they make our hearts pound and us stutter.

To be human means to be able to improvise. This is a skill that includes the ability to make timely comments as well as answer difficult and unexpected questions.

People ask these questions to get information, but there are often other reasons behind their questions. Sometimes they want to know your attitude towards a particular subject and see how calm and confident you look while doing so.

The ability to answer difficult questions is built on two principles:

it is necessary to have sufficient knowledge that provides the necessary information;
You must be able to communicate this information confidently and calmly.

The big picture: always give yourself more time

When someone asks us a difficult question, we try to answer it immediately. We are afraid that even a brief moment of silence will be interpreted as hesitation or as a desire to avoid answering altogether.

Even a few extra nanoseconds will allow your brain to process more information and then formulate it into the right words.

The answer you impulsively say is unlikely to be the best, and later, when you think about it, you will probably regret what you said in a hurry. So the most helpful thing you can do to improve the quality of your answers to difficult questions is to give yourself more time to think about those answers.

Even a few extra nanoseconds will allow your brain to process more information and then put it into the right words.

Allowing ourselves to take tiny pauses helps us collect our thoughts. Just don’t fill these pauses with all sorts of “Uh-uh...” or “M-mmmm...”. They will make you look insecure. You can also repeat the question before answering, which will also give you extra seconds.

There are other methods to buy time to think. The most effective way is to clarify the question as much as possible (and essentially get a new question) before answering it. There are several ways to force your opponent to give you a better and less complex version of the question:

How to learn to remain silent in cases inappropriate for conversation

Getting rid of established habits and introducing new forms of behavior is associated with energy expenditure and disruption of psycho-emotional stability. To stop talking too much, it is recommended to seek the help of relatives and close people.

Depending on individual characteristics, you can use one of the methods to solve the problem or several of them in combination.

Safe word

It is recommended to agree with a loved one from your environment that at the moment of active talkativeness he will utter a certain word or make a sign with gestures. It is important to shut up immediately after receiving this warning, even in the middle of a sentence.

Choose the most natural words and movements so as not to attract the attention of others.

Breathing and counting

If you want to say something unnecessary, it is recommended to take three deep breaths and exhale, and then mentally count to 10 and in reverse order. During this time, you should regain control of your brain and tongue.

Teaching pragmatism

A surge of emotions, according to many psychologists, is sometimes necessary for a person. It is for this reason that people rush to react to what concerns them in any way. But this can lead to unexpected results, since emotional outbursts can deprive not only their initiator, but also the interlocutor.

Think about the consequences before you say anything.

To avoid adverse consequences, it is advisable to put the situation into perspective and realize the benefits that can be gained by remaining silent. For example, in this way you can avoid a quarrel with your loved one, prevent problems with your superiors and maintain good relationships with friends.

Pause to continue the conversation

Acting on impulse, people often say stupid things. Therefore, it is recommended to postpone all important negotiations for some period of time, for example, several days or weeks. During this time, you can familiarize yourself with the nuances of the case, calm down, weigh all the arguments for and against, and then begin the conversation.

In the place of the interlocutor

This method is most effective when dealing with children who show disobedience. Instead of raising your voice, it is recommended to put yourself in their shoes. To do this, you need to remember your childhood and relive the feelings when your parents scolded you for ruined clothes or broken toys.

Grit training

Incontinence can be eliminated by training willpower. Every time you feel offended, it is recommended to remain silent instead of expressing complaints. In this way, you can develop a sense of tolerance and restraint. Gradually, the habit of controlling your speech is developed.

People's advice against talkativeness

Folk proverbs and sayings are effective in mastering science without talking too much. For example, “bite your tongue”, “like taking water into your mouth.” They can be perceived both figuratively and literally. If it is not always possible to get water into your mouth, then biting your tongue is not difficult.

This will go unnoticed by the interlocutor. Physical pain will temporarily distract the speaker's attention, making him forget about everything else.

Find your clues in folk wisdom.

The technique of using an elastic band to bind money is also popular. It is often used in important negotiations when information needs to be presented in small quantities. The elastic band should be put on your hand, and at the critical moment, pull it off. This will serve as a reminder to take a break. Switching your attention will allow you to make a responsible decision calmly and without haste.

Affirmations for self-control

According to psychologists, regular repetition of the same phrase allows you to record the necessary information in the subconscious. This is achieved due to the fact that affirmations contain a certain semantic formula.

For example, you can periodically repeat the same phrase: “I know how to stop at the right moment and remain silent when necessary.” It is recommended to say it every day, as well as whenever there is a desire to say something unnecessary.

Analysis of the situation

Throughout his life, a person acquires certain experiences. The desire to talk a lot also has some reason. To determine what it is, it is recommended to remember all the situations in which this quality manifested itself. It is worth analyzing what these cases have in common. After identifying these reasons, it will become easier to control yourself.

Topic filtering

During the conversation, you should mentally analyze the words to be spoken several times. It is recommended to create for yourself 3–4 criteria that your speech must meet.

For example:

Statements should not harm anyone.
They must be useful.
Must be truthful..

If the words meet all the listed criteria, you can allow yourself to pronounce them.

Ask for clarification

If a question is too vague, answer it with a counter question that should clarify and define what your opponent is trying to achieve.

“Now there are several types of insurance. Which one are you really interested in?

“Motivation is a broad concept. Do you need advice on a specific aspect of it?

And you can specify the question especially effectively by presenting the questioner with a choice:

“Are you worried about the number of sales in 2012 or 2014?”

How can you help your child become more confident and not be afraid to go to the board?

An action guide for parents who want to help their child not be afraid to reach out in class, respond, and speak successfully in front of the whole class.

Let's figure out the reason

As we already know, a child’s fear of answering at the blackboard is always associated with a specific reason. It is necessary to solve the problem based on the root of the problem.

Teacher Fear

Find out from your child what exactly in the teacher’s behavior scares him.

If the teacher is rude, authoritarian and can offend your son or daughter with a careless word, this is a reason for a personal conversation with him:

In a calm tone, without insults or reproaches, discuss the current situation with the teacher.
Tell us about the child’s characteristics and his fear of answering at the board.
Ask, if possible, not to raise your voice at the child and not to call him to the board for a while.

If the teacher does not communicate with you and refuses to help, try contacting the school psychologist or school administration.

Dealing with Inappropriate Issues: The Art of Avoidance

Sometimes the questions are quite clear, but irrelevant, and you, for a variety of reasons, do not want to answer them in full. Then you will have to avoid a direct answer.

Avoiding direct answers has a very dubious reputation because it is associated with insincerity and manipulation. But sometimes you really can't give someone a straight answer because the information is confidential, touches on very sensitive topics, or is simply not intended for that audience. Here are the techniques we recommend using to successfully give evasive answers.

How to make key decisions in your personal life?

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There are two approaches to help you make the right choice: logical and intuitive. In the first case, you need to carefully consider all the options and consequences. Using this approach, you can think through the pros and cons, and analyze the likely benefits and losses of potential options.

It is possible to rely on logic when all the initial information is available and the consequences can be predicted. Typically, the approach is used when the likelihood of risks is high and the results of decision-making are determinable, for example, in business.

The following scheme can be used:

But there are situations when it is almost impossible to imagine how events will develop in the future. There is no previous experience and no opportunity to obtain and analyze information from other sources. And you need to make a choice quickly. In such a situation, there is only one thing left to do - listen to your intuition.

You can also use effective psychological techniques to make a decision.

"Glass of water"

The method of American parapsychologist Jose Silva is typically intuitive, and, despite its non-standard nature, it works:

In the evening, before going to bed, take a glass of clean, unboiled water.
Holding it in both palms, we close our eyes and concentrate on the problem that worries us.
We clearly formulate the issue that needs to be resolved.
Slowly, we drink half a glass, repeating in our thoughts something like this: “This is all that is necessary to make the right decision.”
We place the glass with the rest of the water next to the bed and go to bed.
The next morning, when we wake up, we first drink water and thank the subconscious for the right choice.

A good idea on how to deal with the problem will come immediately after waking up or throughout the day.

"Expanding Options"

Often a person is “stuck” on making one decision: “YES or NO”, “Do or NOT do.” Focusing on this, he does not take other options into account. In a simple example it looks like this. A person is debating whether to buy his dream car on credit or continue using public transport. An alternative to traveling by bus is to purchase an inexpensive car without a loan.

"Good advice"

The human psyche is like this: we easily give the right advice to our acquaintances, but in a similar situation we ourselves act unreasonably. This is due to the fact that when we think about the choice of another person, we notice only the most significant. But when it comes to ourselves, we obsess over the little things. To free yourself from the influence of insignificant things, when making a decision, you need to think about what you would recommend to a friend in a similar situation.

"Delay"

If you can't make a choice, take a break. When the brain is excited and overloaded with information, it is difficult to make the right decision. To avoid the consequences of a wrong choice, take a break, calm down, and once again analyze the pros and cons. There are not too many situations in everyday life that require immediate resolution - don’t be afraid to give yourself a reprieve.

Answer only one part of the question

If the issue is complex and there are several aspects to it that you do not want to touch upon, and there is at least one aspect that does not cause problems, it is recommended to focus on it:

— I heard that there will be a new series of layoffs soon. I also heard that the issue of salary reduction is being considered. And I noticed that the free soda was missing from the break room. Is this due to a decrease in company profits? — I can assure you that there will be no layoffs in the next six months. I don't know what you heard, but the company is quite strong, and our revenue was a quarter higher than expected.

— How do you like your new job? How much do they pay you? - It's really good there. It's amazing how different office culture can be. Every Friday we finish work early, drink beer and play softball. Have you played a lot this spring?

(If you end your answer with a counter question, this will help move the conversation away from the question you don’t want to answer).

Have you asked? We answer!

How much do you earn?

Enough for life.
Thank you, I'm not complaining.
Of course, I would like more, but who wouldn’t want it, right?

When will you get married/have kids?

Everything has its time.
When we are ready to take on such responsibility.
As soon as possible.

Why were you fired?

Long story. Better tell me how you are doing.
Oh, everything is so complicated there, I don’t want to burden you with details.
Because everything comes to an end and it’s time to move on.

Refocus the question

If there is any part of the question that you do not want to talk about, focus on the aspect that is not problematic to discuss. This can be done by taking one phrase from the question (which is usually not the main topic of this question) and drawing maximum attention to it.

— Are they considering me for this position? I feel that I demonstrated enough confidence in myself during those interviews. - Exactly. Frank said he was very impressed with your confidence and level of preparation.

(Here you are emphasizing the confidence aspect and avoiding the title issue.)

- Why do you think I’m not moving forward? I feel like I'm stuck in life, that my boss just doesn't appreciate me. I don't want to sound boastful, but I'm very smart. - Yes, you are a really smart person. And when you use your mind for its intended purpose, you truly succeed. Are there any ways to implement the things you have started more consistently? (Instead of listing the other person's shortcomings, you focus his attention on the fact that he is really smart, thereby positioning your answer in a positive way.)

To a relative

To beautifully answer the question “what are you doing” to your sister, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandfather, etc., you should remember the status and age of everyone.

I am going to do all the household chores that you indicated to me in the note.

I'm thinking about how to get rich.

I plan to do my homework and become incredibly smart.

I'm solving a math problem that doesn't seem to plan on giving up.

I'm going for a walk with (pet's name).

I'm reading a magazine.

Watching TV.

I'm preparing dinner for the whole family to gather around the table.

I watch the news to keep up to date with the latest events.

Discuss the issue

Sometimes it seems that people are looking for a specific answer to a question, but in reality they just want their question to be discussed. They want to hear different points of view about their idea, or they just want to know that you are thinking about it too, to understand that their question is something that makes you think deeply. In most cases, questions like these are best answered with an attempt to delve deeper into the topic at hand:

— Why doesn’t the school board strive to reach a larger audience so that feedback from students’ parents becomes better? — We work with people more than you think. We sent messages to 500 families. But the situation is complicated: parents of older children do not want the same things that parents of toddlers want. We carefully consider all opinions and options and try to find ways to compromise.

- Why doesn’t our relationship make you happy? - Why did you decide that I’m unhappy?

In what cases should you remain silent?

In order to learn how to control your own speech in a timely manner and not say too much, it is recommended that you familiarize yourself with situations when it is better to remain silent.

If the topic doesn't concern you

If we are talking about a stranger, it is not recommended to join the conversation. It's best not to be curious or ask questions. Otherwise, you may gain a reputation as a gossip.

If a conflict is brewing

When a controversial situation arises, there is a high probability of saying words under the influence of anger that you will later regret. In such cases, it is better to give yourself and your interlocutor time. It is recommended that you leave to calm down and think about what happened alone.

Pause the conversation if emotions run high.

You should also avoid expressing criticism towards other people. Even if a person is wrong, he will make an effort to defend his own point of view. There are always arguments for every accusation. This is how psychological defense works. In addition, there is a risk of committing a stupid act under the influence of anger that could harm someone.

If the interlocutor is strange

Some people do not know how to listen and correctly perceive the information received. They interpret it as they see fit. It is not recommended to share important information with such interlocutors. They will interpret the meaning of what they heard, distorting its content at their own discretion.

It is recommended to avoid communicating with such people altogether or to speak little in their presence.

Problematic topics

There are several topics that are not recommended to be discussed publicly in unfamiliar company. If necessary, they can be touched upon, but carefully and monitoring the reactions of others.

These topics include:

religion;
policy;
finance;
some other sensitive topics.

People should not be encouraged to join their faith or vote for any presidential or parliamentary candidate. Each person can have their own opinion on this matter.

Attention! You can only touch on sensitive topics if there is an awkward pause in the conversation. In this case, calls to action must be categorically excluded.

Phrases are out of place

Do not discuss unfamiliar topics that require special knowledge. Otherwise, there is a high probability of being branded a fool. In such a situation, it is difficult to look smarter and more educated than you actually are. Interlocutors may be surprised by the speaker's ignorance. It is better to remain silent and later talk about a topic in which you understand more.

Build a bridge

With this technique, you build a bridge from the question you asked to what you really want to talk about. This technique is similar to the question redirection technique, but the difference between the content of the question and the topic of your answer is much more significant.

If you've ever watched politicians debate on television, this method will seem familiar. The politician is asked about his position on the war, to which he will answer: “War, of course, is an important problem that must be solved. But what I really want to talk about is the issue of tax increases that my opponent raised.”

An answer constructed according to the “bridge” scheme can infuriate the opponent. So it is not recommended to use this technique to avoid really important questions.

How to decide on a Descartes square using 4 questions?

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This method was proposed by Rene Descartes, the famous French philosopher, engineer, mathematician, creator of the philosophy of radical doubt. His "square" method helps to understand the consequences of any choice.

Descartes Square is a simple but super-effective technique for helping you make difficult decisions. The idea of the method is to analyze any problem from different points of view.

Before making a decision, give honest answers to Descartes' 4 questions:

What will happen if this happens?
What happens if this doesn't happen?
What won't happen if this happens?
What won't happen if this doesn't happen?

Why is this method so effective? When a person is in a situation that requires making a difficult decision, he often gets stuck on the first point and is unable to fully evaluate the situation.

Attention! Be careful when answering the last question - the brain will try to ignore the double negative, and the answer will be identical to the first. It shouldn't be this way.

The Cartesian square allows you to make a balanced decision consciously by considering the problem from four different points of view.

Use a funnel

Using the bridge technique, you can completely avoid questions about the main topic. But sometimes you just need to narrow the discussion and also encourage your opponent to ask follow-up questions and continue to discuss one aspect. Using a funnel is all about recognizing a big problem and then directing your audience's attention to the part of that problem you want to focus on.

— What kind of work experience makes you a good candidate for this position? — I have experience in the hotel industry, experience in customer service, but the best experience that most matches what you are looking for is the five years I worked in social media management, and I worked for one of your competitors.

— Have you already planned how you will carry out this project? — Yes, and the most important step will be to secure funding for it. As you can see on this graph, we have already received half of the money.

Useful literature on the topic

To study the psychology of communication, you can use the following literature:

Dale Carnegie "How to become a master of communication with anyone."
Robert Cialdini “The Psychology of Persuasion. Important little things that guarantee success.”
Polina Shkalenkova “I’m so cool, why doesn’t anyone notice me?”
Nancy Dreyfuss "Talk to me as someone you love."

The art of speaking correctly helps a person achieve results in many areas of life. But at the same time, it is important to be able to remain silent when necessary. You can acquire these skills using the simple recommendations outlined above. But these methods by themselves are not able to bring results. An important condition is the manifestation of your own willpower and daily work on yourself.

Only a small percentage of spoken phrases are important; the rest is just noise and bustle. And if we are talking about sincere conversations with friends and loved ones, then they bring happiness. But if you are thinking about learning to remain silent, then you are unhappy with your habit of talking. Try an experiment and keep your speech to a minimum, speaking only as a last resort. Imagine that you have a sore throat and each one seems to respond with pain. For what words and situations are you willing to endure it? Try this simple experiment over the weekend and observe yourself and your life.

How to increase intelligence?

Many factors influence ingenuity. A smart person reacts less well when exposed to constant stress. During serious situations, the human body produces cortisol. It has a detrimental effect on brain cells, destroying them. If your day starts actively, you solve a thousand problems from the very morning, then try to slow down the pace of life. Start your day not by jumping out of bed, but give yourself 15-30 minutes to relax in bed and dream.

How to increase intelligence?

Listen to music. Any will do for a good mood. But to activate your brain, listen to classical music. Scientists have proven the connection between increasing the speed of thinking and listening to Mozart's works. Don't do a hundred things at once. To solve a specific problem, it is important to concentrate. If you simultaneously read email, answer calls, or listen to an audiobook, then your attention is scattered across several sources of information. As a result, concentration and IQ levels decrease. Even the use of drugs or alcoholic beverages does not reduce the IQ as much as a change in focus. Allow yourself positive emotions. Company managers have long known that a good mood affects the performance of employees. That’s why they organize corporate parties, joint holidays, and outings. A cohesive team works better than employees who barely know each other. Mental acuity directly depends on positive emotions. Develop your memory and vocabulary. Unexpected solutions will not come if you have a poor vocabulary and nothing in your head. To develop your memory, memorize songs, memorize a long piece, for example, “Eugene Onegin.” To expand your vocabulary, learn 1-2 new words a day.

The brain needs constant training. Therefore, give him interesting problems. Take intelligence tests, logic exercises, learn foreign languages. Reading books helps improve your intellectual level and memory. Brain gymnastics stops age-related changes. To increase your level of intelligence, increase the load. Try doing two things at once, one difficult and the other instinctive. For example, listen to specialized literature and brush your teeth at the same time.

How to decide to move to another place?

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Although the world is full of magical places, we spend most of our lives in only one, apart from going on vacation. But sometimes everything gets boring, and we start thinking about moving. This step seems scary, but getting out of your comfort zone is the best way to learn and grow.

Making decisions about moving is not easy. First you need to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the choice:

Why You Need It? Doubts mean that not all issues have yet been resolved.
What do you like and dislike about where you currently live? What are you afraid of losing? Take a notepad and write down the pros and cons. It will be clear whether you are able to mitigate such problems.
What do you expect to find in your new location? Moving from one city to a similar locality will essentially change little. If you want dramatic changes, you need to move to a populated area with a different population density.
What is your family expecting? Evaluate the future financial capabilities, the availability of medical care in the new place, the availability of good kindergartens, schools and universities, and the ability to satisfy other social needs.

It must be borne in mind that it is those close to you who usually prevent you from making an important decision about changing your place of residence. Therefore, the whole family must prepare for the move, carefully discussing every worrying moment.

Carry out the analysis not mentally, but on paper. This will make it easier to work through each point. For example, find pen pals on social networks, find out real estate prices, visit sites with job offers, and estimate the salary level in the region in your specialty. You should also calculate the cost of relocation, the demand for the profession in the labor market, or the conditions for developing your own business.

How to decide to move, psychologist Natalya Tolstaya tells in the video:

How to act if it is difficult to make any decisions?

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The easiest way to quickly make decisions in difficult situations is to put aside your fears and step forward.

The psychological characteristics of a person are such that the fear of making decisions paralyzes us. We fear the outcome, analyzing it to such an extent that we end up frozen in misery.

Attention! The key to getting out of this deep freeze is to face these fears and give them names.

Write down the worst things that can happen. For example, you have problems with your spouse and you want to express your grievances. But you are afraid that this will lead to a big quarrel and even divorce. See if you can handle this worst case scenario? By reflecting on this, you can see that although your fears are rigid, they can also be manageable.

Method 10/10/10

Former Harvard Business Review editor and popular author, television commentator, and journalist Susie Welch has invented a simple tool that can help you move forward. The method is called 10/10/10 and is described in the book with the same title . The author advises thinking about the choice you are about to make in three different time frames:

How will you feel about it in 10 minutes?
How about 10 months later?
And in 10 years?

This tool helps you see things from a new perspective and ensures that regret does not become a part of life. If we can anticipate the negative consequences of the choices we make now, we can change the path to a better one.

Creative visualization

Psychology suggests using the method of creative visualization for speedy decision-making. Ask yourself, how do you define personal success? Write your answer in a journal or on a piece of paper. Then visualize your ideal, future self. Do this by taking a relaxed position, closing your eyes and allowing your mind to wander into daydreams.

Describe to yourself what you see and feel. Thanks to this technique, you can imagine what you want to achieve at this stage, and what you can sacrifice when making decisions.

TED Talker Technique

If all else fails, the TED Talker technique created by Ruth Chang will help you get out of stagnation. Write down all the advantages and disadvantages of the result of making and not making a decision. It works especially well if a person is stuck at a fork in the road and cannot choose between two marriage proposals, two jobs, or two schools for children.

How to make a difficult decision using the Ruth Chang method - on video: