How to answer awkward questions? Options for answer phrases

Every person has probably encountered the fact that others, wanting to know more about his life, begin to ask awkward and tactless questions, like “When will you get married?”, “Why don’t you have children yet?”, “Are you on a diet?” , “What’s your salary?”, and others. Such questions can cause confusion, because it is completely unclear how to answer them so as not to offend a person and at the same time protect your personal life from strangers. Read on to find out how best to answer awkward questions.

Uncomfortable questions from strangers

Modern man lives in society, and therefore his life, whether he wants it or not, is always “visible” not only to him and his relatives, but also to the people around him. At the same time, strangers or unfamiliar people can often go beyond the boundaries of tactful behavior and begin to ask questions that are not entirely convenient for the person, for example:

• why aren't you married yet?
• how much do you earn,
• why don't you have children,
• when you give birth to your second child,
• why do your children go or don’t go to kindergarten,
• why are you raising your child this way and not another way?
• why do you dress or look like that?

and so on. There are a large number of options for inconvenient questions, but it is good if a person is a self-sufficient person and is aware that such inconvenient questions characterize the questioner rather than the person himself. But there are also those people who attach great importance to how others evaluate them, and in their behavior they are guided not by their own opinion, but solely by the assessment of others.

In this case, the tactless question “Why are you still not married” can significantly reduce self-confidence and become the beginning of a process of soul-searching on the topic “But really, why? Maybe there's something wrong with me?

See also: How to get married, or what women men marry

It is worth noting that such awkward and tactless questions can be compared to criticism. It’s good if criticism from other people is constructive and helps you improve, but what if many have completely forgotten about the sense of tact and strive to get into your personal life with their impudent and even rude questions and “jigs”? Let's try to analyze the most popular questions and comments from “well-wishers” that confuse and spoil the mood.

Why is the interview being held?

Today, the selection and initial assessment of personnel goes through several stages. A resume provides formal information about a person. This information still needs to be verified. The employer also cares about a person’s personal qualities, which can only be assessed during a meeting. For the candidate, the interview is also extremely useful. It’s better to immediately communicate with future colleagues and bosses, ask your questions and evaluate the style of relationships in the company.

On average, line personnel undergo three interviews with the organization (a short phone call, a meeting with the HR officer and with the immediate supervisor). Specialists and management candidates may encounter a large number of filters (HR officer, boss, security service, top management, owners). This is normal practice.

Some interviews may be combined or partially take place already at the probationary stage (for example, meeting the owner or director of the company). When looking for a job for different positions, a person undergoes from 5 to 20 interviews with different organizations. Time costs – from 30 to 60 minutes.

Questions about marriage

“Are you married yet?” - perhaps this is one of the most common uncomfortable questions. Precisely to get married, because for some reason men are extremely rarely bothered by such questions. This is understandable - after all, if a man does not marry, this is regarded as independence and some kind of peculiarity - apparently he has not yet found a worthy candidate. If a girl doesn’t get married, it means she’s somehow different, defective, since no one has yet seen in her love for the rest of her life.

Of course, the questioners don’t care deeply about the true motives of your loneliness - they ask uncomfortable questions in order to see how the expression on your face will change, how your fingers will begin to tremble nervously. It’s so nice to see for yourself and convince your opponent of his inconsistency. Yes, this is the lot of people who simply have no other ways to assert themselves, and therefore they need to be answered directly and without ceremony.

See also : How to get married after 30

Serious answer

You can answer with the phrase “For what purpose are you interested?”, and then your opponent will think about what to answer. Another option is to say that now you are more interested in your career and are completely passionate about your work. For others, this looks like a fairly “valid” reason, because everyone wants to build a good career, but only those who really give their best at work and spend maximum time on it succeed - by the way, this can also be said.

Joking answer

You can also half-jokingly complain that now it is difficult to find a worthy candidate for a husband, and you need your loved one, and not the one who first proposed. Another option is to say “I have so many candidates for husbands that I just don’t know who to choose, so I’m not getting married!”

Choose any answer you like, and do not attach importance to tactless questions about marriage. The main thing is that such questions do not undermine your self-esteem.

Questions about why there are no children

“Why haven’t you had children yet?” - this question is simply a scourge for married couples who, for one reason or another, simply cannot yet have heirs. Or for women over twenty-five years old. In any case, almost everyone around is sure that after the wedding children should be born almost immediately, and childless ladies after a certain age are clearly not friendly at all.

If you don’t have children simply because you don’t want them yet, then rest assured that your answers will not convince your interlocutor; in his head he already has a version that is much more interesting than yours. Therefore, the optimal answer would be a direct response question - what does the questioner have to do with this situation?

See also: Single mother with a child - tips for your personal life

Answer options

If you don’t want or can’t answer such a tactless question sharply, like “What do you care?”, you can answer with more general phrases like “I’ll always have time”, “Everything has its time.” They will allow you to answer questions about children without making excuses or laying out unnecessary details. Another option is to ask the question yourself: “When will everyone stop asking?”

If you have health problems in this area, then it is better to remain silent about it if you do not want unnecessary gossip about yourself. More detailed answer options - “For now, my husband and I decided to live for ourselves / see the world / build a career” will be useful if you see that the person is not a gossip, and he is just interested in how you are doing. In other cases, it is better not to dwell on this topic and answer with the general phrases given above.

Questions about losing weight

“Why did you get so fat/lose weight?”, or “When will you get better/lose weight?” - the most common options for questions on this topic. Here is one woman's account of how she reacts to such insensitive questions:

“My sister has had an increased metabolism since childhood; she can eat anything and still stay at her fifty kilograms. With her height of 1.80 m, she, of course, looks a little inharmonious, but she can’t change that. And almost every person with whom she communicates daily (!) considers it their duty at least once a week to focus their attention on the fact that she “needs to get married - everyone gets better after marriage, maybe she will gain weight.”

See also: Beneficial properties of vegetables and fruits

Needless to say how “pleasant” this is to hear. I myself recovered after the birth of my child, and I had a hormonal imbalance, thanks to which I grew in width even from water. Of course, almost everyone I knew, seeing me, exclaimed: “You’ve gained weight!” Of course, I myself had no way of knowing about this, and kind people simply opened my eyes.

Fortunately, my husband was next to me all the time, who answered for me that I was beautiful no matter how much I weigh. Of course, many immediately tried to turn everything into a joke. Now, remembering all this, I am convinced that the surest way to fend off the tactlessness of such a question/exclamation is to make it clear that your attractiveness does not suffer at all from this, and you love yourself just like that.”

How to respond to a tactless question about weight loss

In this case, it is indeed very good if you have a close person next to you - a friend, relative, husband, sister, etc., to take your side and answer the tactless person that you look beautiful and wonderful. But this, of course, does not always happen.

If you are well-bred enough, then it will be difficult for you to answer a person with the same unpleasant question (in the style of “Why do you have a couple of extra pounds?”), but remaining silent is not an option, since after a while you will reproach yourself , how come you didn’t figure out what to answer and just remained silent.

See also: How to choose a good husband from several candidates

Joking answer

In this case, you can turn on your sense of humor if you are sure that the interlocutor will appreciate it and this will not lead to a new batch of questions. Another answer is to say that you personally are happy with everything about your appearance and you are not going to change anything about it.

Another popular tactless question from this series: “Why don’t you eat the first/second/third, are you losing weight?” Maybe you just don't want to eat, maybe you just don't like the dish, or you're really on a diet. What to answer in this case?

You can jokingly say, “I’m training my willpower,” “Who eats such beauty, you need to admire it,” or something more practical, for example, “I have a fitness training in two hours, I don’t want to eat too much,” “I just I recently had a big lunch/breakfast/dinner.”

What can be a beautiful and original answer to the question “Where”: options

Where?
The question "Where?" - another sincere and tactless one. On the one hand, it sounds quite intelligent: “Sorry, dear, do you know where my blue hat is? Yesterday I put it on the dressing table.” And it looks very disgusting when a person runs around you and with bloodshot eyes yells in an orderly tone, “Where?” - without any appeals or apologies. How can you answer this beautifully and originally? Here are the options:

• Where it was is no longer there.
• On Kudykina Mountain. Do you know where to go? Or carry out? Will you look for it yourself? Or help?
• What do I have to do with it? Your thing - you look for it. I didn’t hire you here as a candidate.
• That pit bull over there. Go and take it. By the way, wait, I'm with you. I'm interested to see this. Can I take the camera?
• On Monastyrsky Island. But you are not a monk, so you are forbidden to go there.
• In Indonesia. Go there for five minutes, and I'll wait for you here.
• If you give me some ice cream, I’ll tell you then. No, sorry. The concept has changed. If you give me some ice cream and 100 bucks, I’ll tell you then.
• Where miracles are, where the goblin wanders and the mermaid sits on the branches. By the way, there are still traces of some animals there. In short, you will find it. You can learn more from Pushkin.
• In Miami. By the way, let's go there together.
• Under the rug. Well, what kind of guy are you? Couldn't lose my key in Las Vegas. Let's go with you to Las Vegas. But you're a loser, so it's under your rug.
• In Jerusalem. We went there by minibus.
• O great warrior! I know where your thing is hidden. But to get her back, you will have to go through many trials, fight dangerous monsters, visit a hundred continents, defeat 10 treacherous witches and save humanity. Maybe her this hat? We'll buy another one.

In addition, to the question “Where?” You can answer with any place names. Example: in the field, under the barn, at school, at sea, in the garden, near the fire, in front of the house . You can use adjectives: in front of a big house, or at my school, at my friend’s dacha.

If we put aside prejudices, then “Where?” - this is a completely normal question from a person who has lost something, but later remembered and sincerely wants to find it. Or simply wondering where some thing or person is.

Questions about raising children

Issues concerning children can be very diverse. Above we examined the situation when uncomfortable questions are asked about the absence of children. And here we’ll talk about the situation when you already have children, but those around you are very interested in your methods of education and development, and also hint that you do not pay too much attention to your children and do not cope particularly well with the role of a parent.

As someone rightly noted, those who don’t have children of their own, or who have grown up long ago, are the best at raising children. For example, questions like “Why haven’t you sent your son to kindergarten yet?” or “Why don’t you take him to sports/painting/music?” can be very annoying if you have children. In fact, what right do other people have to decide what is best for YOUR child?

See also: What to do if your child is shy?

Why do they ask such questions?

All families are different, the children in them, accordingly, are also different from each other, and only you can decide how to study and what to teach your child. Even if it is, according to competent experts from the playground, wrong. People of all ages are susceptible to tactlessness in relation to other people's children and their upbringing, but most often these are people who are much older than you.

Of course, not all of their advice and questions are aimed at discrediting you as a parent in the eyes of others, and some are worth listening to. However, more often than not, dissatisfaction with your parenting methods arises not from the fact that they really contradict all conceivable and inconceivable social norms, but because when your opponent raised his children, everything was wrong. That is, this is not even a complaint, but a manifestation of envy, or something.

Serious answer

Of course, it’s a shame when twenty or thirty years ago you raised children without diapers, computers and multicookers, and now mothers can take time for themselves thanks to innovations. If comments like “Why are you playing these cartoons for him, in our time we grew up without anything” come from your parents and relatives, and you are sure that they do not want to offend or prick you, the easiest way is to agree on everything. “Yes, Mommy, you’re right - our generation of parents has become completely lazy, I can’t imagine how you raised me. You are a heroine! – such an answer will immediately end the dialogue.

See also: Speech development in children - useful tips for parents

How to respond to insensitive questions about children

If, for example, your distant friend is sarcastically interested, they say, why else doesn’t your son talk, and at the same time cites as an example your child’s peers who already know some words and phrases - do not be offended. Firstly, because resentment will force you to look for shortcomings in your child, which is completely unacceptable.

And secondly, if you make it clear that you are hurt or offended by someone’s words, it means that someone has achieved their goal: they have thrown you off balance and shown your failure as a parent. Therefore, such a tactless question should not cause you a wave of indignation or other strong emotions. Just realize that the questioner's motives relate to his personal problems rather than yours.

To all awkward, tactless questions about children and unfounded claims, you can answer that you are raising a future genius using the methods of a famous children's doctor and psychologist (make up your own last name) and are extremely surprised that your interlocutor has not heard of him.

See this: How to teach a child to play independently

Answer options

In general, you can answer tactless questions about raising children: “I do this because I think it’s necessary,” refer to the opinion of famous children’s doctors or psychologists on this issue, or even listen to your opponent’s arguments, nod and do everything as you think. necessary. There is no point in convincing anyone about raising children, and there is no need to do so.

This is your child, you are personally responsible for his upbringing, and not some stranger with his own “authoritative” opinion (which, by the way, in reality may not be as correct as she thinks).

What questions are required to be asked at an interview?

A structured interview, the technique used by many recruiters, consists of the following parts:

• Personal issues (place of residence, family, education, etc.).
• Work experience (details).
• The nuances of the vacancy, working conditions, what managers want from a new employee.
• Discussion of the candidate's expectations from the new job, his motivation and professional plans.

The recruiter can vary the sequence, but in general the questions will be from these areas. There are several topics that will almost certainly be raised during the oral interview. We will consider them further.

It is important to note: some of what is considered incorrect to ask in personal life is a variation of the norm in an interview. For example, in everyday life we ​​are unlikely to allow ourselves to be asked about our income level, criminal record or personal life, but during an interview they may be asked. You shouldn’t immediately assume an attempt at discrimination or anything else. You need to understand that if the outcome is favorable, you will work side by side with these people. Naturally, the employer wants to clarify significant points for himself in advance.

There are no “right” or “wrong” answers in an interview. But there are adequate (that is, from them the recruiter will receive the information he needs) and “not so” (the candidate’s cunning, lack of awareness is understandable, he will have to ask additional questions, double-check, waste time).

Questions about appearance

Another category of tactless questions are questions regarding changes in appearance. “Why did you cut your hair?” – a seemingly completely harmless question. But often there is a hidden message behind it that the new haircut doesn’t suit you at all. The same goes for the questions “Why did you dye your hair?” and “Who recommended this hair color/haircut to you?”

If you suddenly suspect that such a question was asked with the aim of later announcing that the change of image was unsuccessful for you, prevent this immediately with your answer. The easiest way is to laugh it off - “This is the latest fashion, and you just need to follow it.”

If the persistent interlocutor is not satisfied with the answer and continues to find out some background in the changes in your appearance, answer him in the same way: “Why don’t you cut your hair?” Most likely, this will help cool down the ardor of your interlocutor, hinting to him that his appearance is far from ideal.

Salary questions

“How much do you earn?” is a fairly common uncomfortable question that you hear from people around you. In general, asking such things is in itself a manifestation of incivility. Of course, if your close people are interested in the size of your salary, then they are probably driven only by the desire to be aware of your affairs so that there is no reason to worry. But often this question is a consequence of envy or a desire to gossip.

If they ask, for example, how much your spouse earns, it’s enough to simply answer that your husband is unlikely to be happy that this issue is being discussed by you without him. What is noteworthy is that men receive questions about the size of their wife’s salary much less frequently than women about their husband’s salary.

See also: 5 useful ways to save money

Options for answering salary questions

If the question is asked specifically about the amount of payment for your work, then you have no reason to be frank. If you earn a lot, it will definitely become the subject of gossip. If it’s not enough, then, again, they will start gossiping that you are either cheating or living from hand to mouth, with such and such a salary.

It is best to answer such a question with a joke in the style of “This is a trade secret” or “I may pay a fine for disclosing this information, so I’m sorry.” You can also answer something like “It’s a secret, I’m not asking you how much you earn.” At the same time, you need to answer calmly, without challenge or negative emotions, simply stating the fact that if you respect the personal boundaries of another person and do not ask such tactless questions, then he should behave accordingly.

And you certainly shouldn’t talk specifically about the amount of your salary, even if it is small and you want to make it clear to your interlocutor that you are honest and frank with him. This will not bring anything good to your relationship, because firstly, you are not obliged to report this to strangers (as well as to friends), secondly, a person may start gossiping about it, and thirdly, asking about it is easy It's impolite, and a tactful person would never ask such a question.

Close topic

Agree, if your 80-year-old grandmother asks the question “Do you have a boyfriend?”, you cannot answer rudely by telling her to close the topic. Instead, you will find more delicate and soft words. Every person treats adults condescendingly.

But from strangers, this question is incredibly annoying and emotionally draining. The next time they ask you about having a partner, tell them that you want the topic to be closed and not discussed again.

Questions about mutual friends

“How is Tatyana doing there?” — questions about third parties cannot but irritate, unless, of course, you are asked about how your sister is doing, who flew to Australia and maintains contact with mutual acquaintances exclusively through you. A mutual friend/acquaintance could easily ask such a tactless question.

If you understand that a person hopes to hear some gossip from you, then with a calm soul, allow yourself to simply not continue discussing this topic. If they ask about your friend or good acquaintance, you can answer that you know nothing about the details of his life. But in this case, they may simply not believe you and continue asking uncomfortable questions.

You can say something like: “I communicate with her (him) no better than you.” You can invite the interlocutor to call the person he is interested in and directly ask how she is doing. In any case, you should not stoop to gossip and “washing the bones” of mutual friends. In addition, there is one wonderful saying that is worth remembering when communicating with such a person - “He who gossips with you gossips about you.”

It's my time

Are you ready to think about anyone but yourself? Do you like to be alone and enjoy your company? Spending time focusing on yourself? There's nothing wrong with that, and honestly, it's really sincere of you. If you are only focused on yourself, entering into a relationship would not be fair to the other person. Tell people that you are comfortable spending time with yourself for now.

It’s good to wash often: myths about shampoo and hair care that only harm

A student at the Vietnam Police Academy shared how she takes care of her facial skin.

Rare shot: Viktoria Isakova showed her grown-up daughter from Yuri Moroz (new photo)

Questions about alcohol

“Why don’t you drink? Are you sick? If you are tired of questions at parties and corporate events about why you don’t drink, and whether you are sick, you should not immediately refute this assumption by drinking a few glasses of strong drinks. A good way to stop questioning is to simply ask, “Why?” Almost no one can answer why you need to drink.

Of course, some will try to answer something like “Well, you need to relax,” to which you can always answer that you don’t have to use anything to relax. If you are confident in yourself, you can answer such a question “I just don’t want to, that’s all,” without going into further explanations and justifications as to why. And in fact, this is your personal business, and you are absolutely not obliged to make excuses for this to strangers.

How to pass an online interview via Skype: 10 tips for freelancers

• Check in advance whether you are in the same time zone.
• When looking for a remote job, be technically prepared for a Skype (WhatsApp, etc.) video interview; check the quality of the connection, the signal and the operation of the microphone, camera, and headphones in 15 minutes.
• “Knock” on the recruiter’s contacts in advance.
• At the appointed time, be connected in advance, write in the chat about your readiness for the interview.
• Traditionally, the call is made by the recruiter, but if this does not happen, dial it by phone or Skype.
• The structure of an online job interview is no different from a meeting in real life.
• You may be asked to show your passport and other documents to the camera. Keep them with you.
• Remove foreign objects from visibility. Make sure no one comes in and there is no noise.
• Dress as you would for an office meeting.
• Be prepared for questions: “Why did you choose freelancing?”, “How will you organize your day?”, “Do you have technical conditions for remote work?”, “At what time will you be ready to contact and through what communication channels? ", "How will you cope with deadlines?", "How much time will you devote to work per week?".

It is better to answer them clearly, specifically and openly.

We figured out how to answer questions during a job interview. We talked about the nuances of an oral interview and a remote interview (via Skype). The better you prepare to communicate with an employer and use our tips, the higher your chance of getting a job. We wish you good luck in finding a job!

How to answer uncomfortable questions - behavior strategy

In general, when you hear some awkward or tactless question from strangers that makes you feel like you're not very successful or doing something wrong, here's something to keep in mind:

1. the one who asked such a question does not care about your well-being - rather, he just wants to put you in an uncomfortable position and listen to your excuses in order to feel more successful and significant against this background (for example, questions about the absence of a husband or children). Therefore, you should not indulge in explanations or justifications; answer neutrally or as briefly as possible;
2. You should not answer such questions by going into detail about your state of health or level of financial security. Remember that this is your personal matter, which concerns only you and does not concern strangers in any way;
3. Don't try to appear polite or sociable when answering a tactless question. A stranger asked you why you were not married, and you began to tell honestly and in detail that all your previous relationships ended in nothing, that you lived for 2 years in a civil marriage and the man never married you, and that you could not really meet someone close to you? Think about it, why do you need to be frank with a tactless person? Most likely, after such frankness you will be left with an unpleasant aftertaste that in order to seem more sociable and “justify yourself” to a neighbor or friend, you touched on too personal topics that generally should not be discussed with strangers;
4. Remember that a person asking uncomfortable questions may also tactlessly discuss with others what you told him about in a fit of sincerity and a desire to appear sociable. Do you like it if others gossip about your personal problems? Most likely no. Therefore, think not about how to appear polite when answering a tactless question, but about maintaining your personal boundaries in communication;
5. If, when asked a tactless question, it is still difficult for you to immediately orient yourself in the situation and you do not know how to answer so as not to offend the person and at the same time remain on friendly terms with him, take a sheet of paper and write down on it the topics that you are asking questions about are tactless. Next to each topic, write an approximate answer, that is, think in advance what and how you can say in this case. It’s no secret that you can answer in different ways - briefly, politely, offensively, tactlessly, etc. Of course, you shouldn’t be like boors and answer rudely or aggressively, but you need to make it clear that you will not talk about personal topics. Having written down sample answers, memorize them, and then in the next situation with tactless questions, you will certainly be able to answer immediately and exactly as you wanted - coldly, or briefly, or jokingly, etc.

An important point: look at who exactly is asking you personal, uncomfortable questions. In this article, we looked at cases when they are asked by someone you know, but is essentially a stranger to you - a colleague, acquaintance, friend or girlfriend, neighbors, distant relatives, etc. But your close people, for example relatives (sister, grandmother) or even a close friend, in whom you are confident and who sincerely love you, may also ask why you are still not married. In this case, such a question will be dictated not by the fact that they want to seem better compared to you, but by the fact that they love you and want to help you be happy.

And in this case, you can really sincerely tell them about what is bothering you, ask for advice on how to find the right man, how to raise children, etc. Talk to them about it, maybe they are just worried about you and your happiness, but you won't feel uncomfortable talking about such topics. If a loved one wants to help you, then the conversation will be constructive and pleasant for you. In contrast to questions from strangers, which immediately evoke the feeling that you urgently need to justify yourself in the fact that you did not get married before the age of 20 or got divorced without being able to save the marriage.

Sociologist's recommendation

Friends!

The rule “the best defense is an attack” is no longer effective! I believe that the best defense against tactlessness and rudeness should be distancing. Put the boor and the insolent in their place, but not verbally, but non-verbally! Show him your indifference. Leave the conversation with your head held high; it would also be useful to raise your eyebrow, showing slight contempt. Believe me, these non-verbal signals will tell an unpleasant person your attitude towards her, saving you from the need to answer an uncomfortable or inappropriate question.

Sociologist Alena Dubinets

Ask a Question