How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels Naomi Campbell's explosive nature has repeatedly brought her to the courtroom. Thanks to several anger management courses, the supermodel learned to control her emotions and became more balanced. Advice from psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky and his colleagues will help you develop restraint and equanimity.
Think before you do something
“Calm, just calm! It’s nothing, it’s an everyday matter,” said Carlson, the hero of the famous cartoon. It was easy for a well-fed man in the prime of life to maintain peace of mind, because he was not responsible for anything. What should the rest of us do when everyday situations unsettle us, there’s a rush at work, the boss makes rude remarks, or teenage children are out of control?
The answer is quite simple. Instead of tearing and throwing when you hear another portion of criticism, solve the problem without shouting. Give yourself a few minutes, put your thoughts in order and carefully weigh every word. Only then answer. Relationships, social life and work will all benefit from this.
Physical methods of self-control
A very simple way to not give back to the offender and not lash out at others is to start controlling your breathing. As soon as a wave of anger is ready to cover you completely, do breathing exercises - breathe “in a square”.
It has been noticed that people breathe differently at different periods of their activity - changing their nostrils and breathing method. “In a square” - this means first with the left nostril, then with the right, then with the stomach and at the end of the cycle with the chest. Even focusing on how you breathe will distract you from the offense, and you yourself will not notice that the situation no longer annoys you and you are even ready to laugh at it.
An even simpler way is to hold your breath and exhale slowly after half a minute. Holding your breath will slightly reduce brain activity.
Remember how rarely a sleeping person breathes - at these moments he is serene and no little thing will make him angry. To prevent nervous overstrain, you can meditate daily for half an hour, no more is needed (see “How to relieve stress and cope with nervous tension”). Just force yourself into a state of half-asleep with slow, controlled breathing.
Something pleasant will help you quickly take your mind off troubles. Think about what gives you at least short-term pleasure - maybe it's a cake or a cup of tea? The main thing is that this something should be simple and quickly doable. If you choose something tasty as a sedative, do not forget to control yourself so as not to gain excess weight.
If you constantly get a portion of unpleasant sensations at work or at home, start playing sports, preferably with elements of competition. This is where you can release the accumulated aggression - by driving the ball into the opponent’s goal or overtaking him in the stadium. If such active sports are not suitable for you, do yoga. This is a difficult practice, but once mastered, you will find “universal” peace.
Control your attention
A seemingly serious and unsolvable problem is not always so in reality. To make sure of this, psychologist Andrei Zhelvetro recommends using the “Stop” exercise.
If you feel that the situation is getting out of control, freeze for a few seconds and tell yourself “Stop!” Please note:
- how do you feel;
- what you see and hear (what colors predominate, how many people are sitting nearby, or, for example, what kind of music is playing);
- try to track what is beyond your visibility (noises, people, weather, etc.).
By repeating this exercise regularly, you will become calmer and more balanced, and you will experience more pleasant emotions.
Self-control and its loss
Self-control is a person’s ability to maintain inner calm and not betray his inner values in the most difficult emotional and critical situations. Losing self-control means giving in to emotions, exposing a raw nerve and betraying your inner self. If you ask the question of why to maintain self-control, the answer will be a list of negative aspects that follow its loss:
- Feelings of guilt or shame
- Loss of masculinity if you are a man
- Nervous breakdown, hysteria
- The lower the level of the irritating factor, the greater the discomfort of people who have witnessed a nervous breakdown
- Loss of self-control can result in complete stupor. The man looks calm outwardly. This is the most dangerous type of nervous breakdown.
- A break in a relationship with a person, a damaged item, burning of all bridges at work and social life, moral decline in the face of witnesses to the breakdown
- If repeated frequently, a heart attack or weakening of the nervous system is possible.
Loss of self-control usually does not occur over a short period of time. This is a long process of accumulation of irritating factors. A person who cultivates self-control has the ability to dissolve the first signs of the first stimulus. In order to learn to dissolve a stimulus within yourself, you must first recognize it. The trouble with many people is that during the course of the day they accumulate many negative situations that they no longer even notice - they are automatically credited to your negative emotional account.
Those who have lost self-control describe this feeling as a red haze before their eyes. There is a complete loss of control over the entire body, the consciousness seems to be watching the body from the outside. In a person, the feeling of guilt and shame is mixed with bewilderment; he does not understand what happened. Realization comes later.
Are there any disadvantages to developed self-control? Of course, if you still don’t understand what it is and think that you can’t tolerate anything for a long time. Self-control is the constant nullification of irritants so that they do not accumulate. No one advises you to endure humiliation and bullying, just a nervous breakdown is the worst way to conduct a dialogue and solve problems. And simply irritation in any dialogue does not allow you to even follow the progress of the conversation. By losing your temper, you may even win a battle, but not a war. No one will do business with you anymore.
Learn to listen
Often, conflict situations, and with them unwanted irritability, arise due to misunderstanding. Without listening to the end of the interlocutor, we begin to be indignant and angry because of his attitude to what is happening or to us personally.
To become calmer and more balanced, try to do more than just talk. Learn to listen thoughtfully to your interlocutor without being distracted by extraneous factors. In this case, it is easier to find a common language, achieve mutual understanding even with a hostile subject, and maintain calm.
Keep your voice down
Loud speech is perceived by the interlocutor as an attack or a signal of threat. Subconsciously, he begins to defend himself and activates the corresponding “hit and run” reactions. If you want to avoid escalation of the conflict and maintain calm:
- speak half a tone quieter;
- do not use sarcastic remarks;
- do not interrupt your interlocutor mid-sentence;
- be responsive.
If a person feels that he is heard and understood, he will have no reason to conflict, and you will have no reason to stress and worry.
How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels
Minimize anxiety factors
If constant anxiety interferes with staying calm and balanced, learn to calm down. For this, psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky recommends:
- stop watching crime chronicles;
- get enough sleep;
- relax more;
- change jobs;
- If possible, remove everyday causes of alarm.
Don't worry about what you can't control
People tend to worry and get nervous about things they have no control over. This behavior only increases anxiety and increases stress levels.
If you start to worry about something and feel anxious, try to distance yourself from the situation. Evaluate it from the outside and mentally answer the questions:
- Can you influence what is happening?
- What exactly can you influence?
- What can't you influence?
If most of the things that cause anxiety are out of your control, is it worth worrying about them? Of course not. The only thing that will change is your stress level. Remember this and maintain peace of mind.
Why do we panic
Any unpleasant, potentially dangerous or simply incomprehensible situation always causes severe anxiety, that is, stress. This is how it happened evolutionarily: negative thinking once helped humanity survive. Imagine an ancient monkey sitting in the bushes - and then there’s a rustling sound. What behavior model is safest for her? Positive - a ripe banana fell from a branch, you need to go look, or negative - a saber-tooth tiger is sneaking and you need to run? Pessimists survived more often.
Therefore, when something goes wrong, it is human nature to expect bad things. This is fine. Our psyche has a whole arsenal to combat anxiety and stress. For example, isolation, denial or rationalization of what is happening (searching for reasons why an unpleasant situation can be useful).
When anxiety is too strong, the deepest mechanism is activated - “fight or flight”. The body prepares for this reaction - tension is transferred to the muscles. But in modern life, as a rule, it is not clear who to hit and who to run away from. And then the only desire is to hide, but it doesn’t work. There is no immediate solution. The stress gets even worse.
As a result, due to severe and prolonged stress, panic sometimes begins. We are either on edge, or frantically rushing around the room, or falling into a stupor and crying, huddled in a corner. The more panicking people there are, the stronger the panic.
Control your breathing
During sleep, a person breathes evenly and calmly. To stay balanced and calm, do the same during times of stress.
In critical situations, a person loses his or her breath. Some even stop breathing out of anger or indignation. Take long breaths, raising the diaphragm:
- inhale deeply through your nose (so that your stomach rises and falls with each breath);
- hold your breath for a couple of seconds;
- slowly exhale.
In just a few minutes, this breathing technique will help your body and brain relax. During this time, you will be able to regain control and answer your interlocutor calmly.
How stress manifests itself
Here are the symptoms that are common when you are stressed. Check how many of them you have noticed lately:
- sleep problems;
- weight gain/loss;
- abdominal pain;
- irritability;
- grinding of teeth;
- panic attacks;
- headache;
- problems with concentration;
- sweaty hands or feet;
- heartburn;
- excessive sleep;
- social isolation;
- fatigue;
- nausea;
- feeling overwhelmed;
- obsessive or compulsive behavior.
It is important to understand that during the period of adaptation to the new, you should not expect long-term productivity from yourself. Fatigue and stress do not allow you to cope with tasks as quickly and well as in “peacetime”. Just be patient and give yourself time.
Change your perspective on things
There is no universal method that will help you stay calm. According to Irina Udilova, the easiest way to become more balanced is to change your perspective on the situation. A relationship expert recommends looking at the world positively:
- love yourself and others;
- forgive people minor shortcomings, oversights, mistakes;
- show patience to others;
- Less pressure and reproach.
Learn to stop your irritation and negative reactions. If a stressful situation is inevitable, look at it through the eyes of a wise grandmother. Mentally model the possible development of events. Consider the appropriateness of your behavior: what will change if you become worried or angry.
Have you thought about it? Then breathe out, relax and do something more important.
How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels
In an Ascending Spiral:
Decision making involves creating intentions and setting goals—all three steps are part of the same neural circuitry and positively impact the prefrontal cortex, reducing anxiety. Decision-making also helps overcome the activity of the striatum (corpus striatum - an anatomical structure of the telencephalon, related to the basal ganglia of the cerebral hemispheres, J.A. ), which usually pushes you towards negative impulses. Finally, making decisions changes your perception of the world by calming the limbic system.
Play some sports
Regular physical activity will help you stay calm in stressful situations. This could be yoga, dancing, running, tennis, gym classes or Nordic walking.
According to research, exercise helps:
- normalization of sleep;
- relaxation and lowering the threshold of irritability;
- reducing the level of cortisol (stress hormone);
- the production of neurotransmitters responsible for a good mood.
After vigorous physical exercise, people tend to praise themselves for the work they have done, thereby increasing self-esteem and reducing stress levels. At the same time, the electrical activity of the muscles decreases, and the person feels calmer.
How to Become a Calm and Balanced Person: Pexels
General recommendations
If you are an irritable person and are easily angered, then you should reconsider your regime.
- Full sleep. Irritability can be a consequence of regular lack of sleep, so it is important to sleep at least 8 hours a day.
- Minimum caffeine and sugar. It is worth minimizing the amount of these products to maintain water balance in the body.
- Physical exercise. Physical activity helps relieve stress.
- Yoga. Yoga helps you find peace of mind.
- Creation. Creativity allows you to direct your energy in a useful direction.
- Rest. It is important to regularly find time for proper rest to avoid emotional burnout.
These simple recommendations will help you get rid of unnecessary irritability and improve your overall well-being.
