How to choose the right friends and who to avoid

What does each of us need to be happy? Many, answering this question, will say, first of all, not about money and career, but about family and friends. Without friends, our life would be boring, we would have no one to share, consult with, or relax with. However, it often happens that the person we choose as our comrade turns out to be completely different from what we imagined him to be. There are disappointments and sometimes betrayals. How to avoid this, how to see the essence of a person and understand whether you really want to be around? To do this you need to know how to choose friends.

What is friendship?

There is one philosophical idea that says that you can force a person to do anything, but not love. Love is voluntary. We love our friends too, our comrades reciprocate if they are real. Accordingly, friendship can appear only at the behest of the heart. Sincerely and selflessly. If one person associates with another because he is rich or successful, this is not friendship. Only voluntary relationships built on mutual interest and sympathy can be like that.

How should parents behave when their children are arguing?

Psychologists advise adults to adhere to basic rules that will help brothers and sisters find a common language.

If possible, do not interfere in a conflict situation between children. They will figure it out among themselves, without the help of adults.
If your daughter or son comes to you asking for help, calmly answer: “Solve your problem yourself, please.” Observe from the outside to see if the children can come to an agreement among themselves.
If you do have to intervene in a conflict, make sure that the siblings can come to a joint decision. This teaches little disputants to negotiate with their opponents.
Do not single out one of the children: “You are right, and you are wrong.” In a conflict, everyone considers himself to be right, and this must be taken into account.
In the midst of a conflict, if you have to intervene, sit down so you can look everyone in the eye. Hug your little ones or put your hands on their shoulders.
Try to have a referee speak: let each participant in the dispute calmly express his point of view as to why the conflict occurred. Explain that you cannot interrupt or shout down each other.
Listen to each child’s suggestions: how does he see a solution to the problem?
As a result, together you must come to a common decision that will suit everyone.
If children cannot offer options for resolving a conflict situation, offer your own idea.
If siblings start a fight, you need to separate them and try to get them to talk. Physical violence is not tolerated in the family, so parents need to intervene immediately when children fight. Demand an apology from everyone. If they refuse to ask for forgiveness, you can impose some kind of ban: no ice cream, cartoons, new toys.
Answer yourself honestly to the question: “Are you singling out any of the children?” Often parents take the side of the younger ones, and they take advantage of their privileged position: they insult and offend their elders.
Praise and encourage children when they play peacefully with each other.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid quarrels between brothers and sisters. The task of parents is to ensure that conflict situations teach children to get along with each other.

What to do if you have no friends?

In this case, you need to look for a person who will be interested in you. However, you should not forget about yourself. Friendship is when both feel good. For the sake of a loved one, you can, for example, endure a boring match for you, but doing this day after day, hiding your dislike for football, is wrong.

Take a closer look at your surroundings, you can go to a new place, do something unfamiliar to you. This is good advice for those who do not have good relationships in a certain team. It often happens that, after moving to a new job or entering university, a person finds himself in the center of attention, although he previously suffered from loneliness.

How to teach to be friends

There are no step-by-step instructions on how to teach a child to be friends. But there is a personal example and heart-to-heart conversations. Children, like sponges, absorb everything they hear from us.

Therefore, it is important to discuss fairy tales and cartoons with them. Using the example of heroes, tell that friendship is mutual assistance, trust, kindness and loyalty

You can expand your child’s social circle by enrolling him in a club or section. Children in elementary school are friends based on their interests.

Talk to your child about friendship. Tell her that she is important.

Define it together, for example:

comfortable being silent together;
help will come in difficult times;
you are valued along with your shortcomings;
they will tell you the truth, albeit bitter;
you are forgiven.

Teach your student to understand people. But don’t put pressure and don’t forbid friendship with the “bad guys.” Give your child the right to choose.

A categorical prohibition will turn your son or daughter against you.

Subtleties of communication with peers

Respect for others can be instilled from an early age. Explain to your child that taking away other people's toys or fighting is not good. In conflict situations, support and protect your child. At an older age, this will help him defend his rights.

It’s your baby’s fault – apologize to the “injured” party. And carry out all the “showdowns” with him without witnesses.

Help younger children communicate - offer joint games and exchange of toys. But don’t give orders – no one likes that, especially children. Just guide and resolve conflicts.

What to do in a conflict situation

It is not always possible for children to live together. And the point here is not the terrible behavior of Vasya or Masha. They have not yet fully grasped all the concepts of correct behavior, they are just learning it.

Quarrels and arguments teach you to manage your emotions and your actions. Parents need to teach their children how to behave correctly in conflict situations.

Explain that everyone has the right to:

expression of emotions;
respect;
standing up for your rights, but without aggression.

Explain to your child that this “bill of rights” works both ways. Do not teach your child to endure and give up his rights.

For young children, the main arbiter remains the adult. He explains to both parties where they are wrong and helps them make peace.

What are the benefits of mixed-age communication?

Children benefit from communication not only with their peers. Communication between different ages allows you to learn to be friends and understand your neighbor. By communicating with both older and younger people, the child learns sensitivity and attentiveness.

The elders learn to empathize with the kids and help them. The younger ones imitate the older ones and try on their roles.

Personal example

Children whose parents invite friends to visit, go on walks together, it is easier for families to grow up with more withdrawn children.

When communicating with friends in front of children, watch your behavior. Although this should always be done with loved ones. Don't rate your friends in front of your children. All adult conversations and disagreements should be behind closed doors.

Almost until adolescence, a child strives to be like his parents. Therefore, your respectful and kind communication with friends is a great guide for him.

A little about material things

Of course, friends can be business partners; one can help the other in a difficult financial situation, but friendship cannot be built on monetary relations. If you see that a person is using your financial capabilities for his own purposes, he is unlikely to be a reliable support in a difficult situation. You should expect material benefits from a successful deal or a well-executed project, and not from your best friend.

How should a child react?

Psychologists and experienced teachers offer several options. They can be rehearsed with the child at home and, of course, their action can be explained.

Don't react.
This will help the child remain calm and wear down the offenders.
Show your feelings.
It is recommended to directly ask the offender why he is doing this, saying that these words are very unpleasant and offensive.
React unconventionally.
Of course, this sounds strange, but a reaction such as laughter can paralyze a bully and discourage him from teasing a classmate for a long time.
Make an excuse.
This option is suitable for younger students. The famous excuse “those who call you names are called that” often works. This helps to give a prepared answer to a timid, unsure child.
Answer.
As a last resort, you can answer. But you should not teach your child aggressive behavior. Dad’s advice like: “And you punch him in the nose!” may have a negative impact on future relationships. After all, children shun and push out of the community not only quiet people, but also aggressors.

Convergence of interests

It is very important for everyone that their friend understands them, and for this they need at least a partial coincidence of interests. If a person has specific hobbies, such as mountaineering, historical reconstruction or hitchhiking, a friend who does not understand anything about this will most likely quickly move away. Most often, the rapprochement of future friends occurs precisely on the basis of common interests. However, in no case should you put pressure on your loved ones, forcing them to do what you like. Only voluntary relationships can be both fruitful and long-lasting.

Speaking about how to choose friends correctly, one cannot fail to mention that too intrusive attention, advice and insistent recommendations on how to do the right thing can scare off any person, even someone who strongly sympathizes with you. If your recommendation is needed, they will ask for it, and intrusiveness is not the best companion for friendship. At the same time, a person who urgently wants to change you does not love you for who you are, and accordingly, is unlikely to become a good friend.

Parental behavior

Of course, ideally, parents do not interfere in children’s friendships, but stand nearby to help their child: teach them how to get to know each other and offer to play, suggest the right words and behavior in case of conflict, support them in times of disappointment, and explain the behavior of friends from the perspective of their experience. Psychologists say that a child from five to fifteen years old will need the greatest support in friendship: at first he will lack friendship skills, then he will experience insults and losses, misunderstandings - and here careful support will be needed so that the child learns to build relationships, avoid dependencies, maintain self-respect.

Speaking of dependence in friendship. Parents sometimes feel that a certain friend is a bad influence on their child. In most cases, there is no reason to worry, and it is not recommended to blame this “bad friend” in order not to lose contact with the child - it is better to discuss with him some of the friend’s traits: does he call him names, does he share toys with him, is he happy to see him. Compare the child’s life and feelings before and during this friendship. Maybe the child should find a new social circle by enrolling him in a section to separate him from an unwanted friend. And if this friendship is truly destructive, you should tell your child that his safety is more important to you than his offense at your ban on communicating with your friend.

Children's friendship is called a rehearsal for adult relationships. Often it is childhood friends who remain the closest people in adulthood, and the joy and trepidation of friendship received in childhood become important beacons in all subsequent years.

That’s why it’s so important to help your child learn to build connections, make friends and maintain friendships!

Photo: www.globallookpress.com

Who should you avoid?

Those who like to spread gossip. If a person constantly tells you nasty things about others, what is the guarantee that he will not say the same things about you?
Those who have problems with morality. A person who does not value the peace, life and health of others may subsequently have problems with the law. Do you need him to drag you into this?
Egoists. Someone who clearly thinks only of himself cannot become a true friend. He will betray your interests for his own, so you cannot rely on him.
Those who are always dissatisfied with everything. Such a person will use you to pour out his negativity. At the same time, he will not think about you and your interests.

Without friends, our life becomes gray and boring. They are our helpers, advisers, inspirers. Sometimes you just need to wait for some time for “your” person, who you don’t always meet right away on life’s path. Sometimes years pass before a real, true friend appears who can understand and accept you for who you are. You need to choose slowly, both with your mind and your heart, so that your friends remain close for many, many years.

LiveInternetLiveInternet

Quote from LediLana's message

Read in full In your quotation book or community!

A famous proverb says: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.” In other words, when we start being friends with someone, we can tell in advance what consequences this will lead to. Therefore, the choice of girlfriends and friends should be approached no less responsibly than the choice of a life partner.

Bet on the optimists

Even though optimists sometimes seem crazy (what else can you call people who hope for the best without any reason?), they always win. First, optimism attracts favorable events. Secondly, even if they don’t happen, optimists don’t get upset much or for long. Regardless of your outlook on life, try to communicate more with optimistic people. They will make your life brighter, and you will learn to never lose heart and see many advantages around you. On the other hand, whiners drain your energy, ruin your mood, and create a negative outlook on things. Agree, in our unstable world this is completely useless.

Enjoy happiness from your mind

Whatever you say, you need to choose smart friends. It’s interesting to talk to people like that, and you can hear good advice. With fools, of course, you can feel superior (some people stroke their pride this way), but sooner or later stupidity begins to irritate. And the most offensive thing is that you cannot help such a person. No matter what you tell him, no matter how you teach him, as you know, “you can’t use your brains.”

Be inspired by those who are purposeful.

You can choose friends who go with the flow, but they will never charge you with the desire to set goals and achieve them, to enjoy realized dreams, and not the joys of “Oblomovism”. People who want to achieve a lot are very inspiring. If you are lucky enough to communicate with such people, you will understand what I mean. After talking with them, you want to move mountains - get rid of everyday life (or reduce it to a minimum), forget about failures and grievances, make your life rich and interesting. Make friends with those who have a lot of ideas and plans - even if they sometimes seem incredible.

Trust the practical

There is no one worse than a spendthrift friend who drags you shopping and provokes you to neglect your personal (family) budget for the month. With such people, you don’t notice how you get drawn into the thoughtless shopping process and sacrifice your goals for the sake of impulsive purchases. A practical friend will not tempt you with sales and will stop you in time when you are ready to go wild.

Join the followers of a healthy lifestyle

Scientists have long proven that friendship has a direct impact on a person’s lifestyle and even his weight. Agree, it is very important where you usually meet with your friends - in a fitness club (park) or for tea and cakes. All this affects your lifestyle, figure, etc. Therefore, be friends with “sports activists.” They will drag you to water aerobics, even if you “don’t really feel like it today.”

Look for those who know how to keep a secret

How many families have been broken up because a friend failed to keep a secret! How many people have lost their jobs because of the chattiness of their girlfriend-colleague, who rubbed her tongue in the secretarial room and in other departments! Don't get involved with them, otherwise you will have to constantly monitor what you tell them. And this may not save you from trouble, because any words can be misinterpreted, distorted and passed on to someone. Why do you need a friend with whom you cannot relax for a minute and pour out your soul?

Choose funny ones

A sense of humor is the most important quality of a person. Don't make friends who don't have a sense of humor. It's no fun with them. In addition, they can harbor a grudge against you for a long time because of an innocent joke and one “fine” day they will deal with you.

Good must always triumph over evil

Why do you need angry girlfriends who harbor grudges against relatives, sharpen grudges against colleagues and speak sarcastically about their acquaintances? It's unpleasant to hear this. It’s even more unpleasant to think that they can say the same thing about you. Do you really want to accumulate anger towards everyone around you? But the way such people view the world can influence you too. Skepticism and anger are contagious, even if you don't believe it.

Avoid Gossips

The desire to wash bones to one degree or another is common to most women (and men too). But some people only live by discussing the details of the personal lives of their friends. Let’s even put aside the obvious fact that they will discuss your personal life in the same way with half the city. The question is: why do you need to know all this? Why collect streams of unnecessary information, fill your head with other people's problems and twists of someone else's fate? It’s not difficult to find a more pleasant and useful thing to do than discuss the official from the last entrance or your friend’s daughter-in-law. A romance novel is even more interesting to read; at least, in addition to the plot, there is also artistic character and the author’s unique style.

Man does not live on his daily bread

Of course, materialism has lived, is alive and will live (unlike V.I. Lenin). However, it is much more interesting to communicate with friends who are interested not only in a new skirt and a compliment from the head of the neighboring department. People who, in addition to the material, practical, have another side of life - spiritual, philosophical - are extremely interesting. They make you think about the deep, talk about eternal values. They see wider and deeper than most and can teach you that. Don't rush to argue, even if you don't agree with something. Show patience and interest, and the hidden facets of their spiritual life will be revealed to you. And over time, perhaps yours too...

author of the article: Marina Tumovskaya

Proverbs and sayings about friendship

If you hold on to each other, you won’t be afraid of anything.
You will quarrel into smoke, then you will burn with shame.
In a willing herd, even a wolf is not afraid.
You have fun, eat and drink - so any friend is good, but on the day of grief only a close soul is good.
A thing is good when it is new, but a friend is good when it is old.
Together, troubles are easier to bear.
Together it’s cramped, but apart it’s boring.
All for one, one for all.
Every house has a good owner.
Where friendship is strong, things go well.
For a dear friend and an earring.
A good joke does not ruin a friendship.
If you lose something, you will gain it again; if you lose a friend, you will never get it back.
Good brotherhood is dearer than wealth.
A friend is a valuable treasure, but no one is happy about an enemy.
An untested friend is like an uncracked nut.
Friendship is friendship, and service is service.
Make friends with those who are better than yourself.
Being together is not burdensome, but apart at least throw it away.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
Friends are known in misfortune.
If there are pies, there are friends; if there are no pies, there are no friends.
There are many acquaintances, but few friends.
And a wise man needs advice.
Everyone is their own best friend.
When the pot is boiling, there is no shortage of friends.
A strong friendship cannot be cut with an axe.
He who is a direct friend is a dear brother.
Anyone who has become separated from friends and comrades has no one to count on in times of trouble.
Better water from a friend than honey from an enemy.
It is better to listen to a friend's reproaches than to lose him.
Better a smart enemy than a stupid friend.
They love someone who does not offend anyone.
People's friendship and brotherhood are more valuable than any wealth.
Don't leave your friend in misfortune.
There is no tree without branches, no glory without companions and friends.
Not into service, but into friendship.
Don't have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends.
An unfaithful friend is a dangerous enemy.
If you don’t have a friend, look for him, but if you find him, take care of him.
Anyone can offend, but there is no one to feel sorry for.
There is safety in numbers.
One finger is not a fist.
One bee will not bring much honey.
You can't get along with someone who likes to scold.
Make friends with those whose eyes are blind; turn away from those who are blind in soul.
With a good friend you will move mountains, with a bad friend you will experience grief.
Die yourself, but help your comrade.
An old friend is better than two new ones.
A comrade will throw himself into the fire for a comrade.
Anyone who seeks friends without faults will only find friends with disappointment.
Anyone who hopes that his friends will choose his interests over theirs will suffer.
He who reproaches his friends for trifles makes enemies.
You, thunderstorm, threaten, and we hold on to each other.
Do not trust the smile of an enemy, do not suspect malice in a friend.
What you don’t want for yourself, don’t do to others.
Man is man's friend and brother.