From childhood, every person is constantly in society - this could be a family, a kindergarten, a school, a university, etc. It’s rare that someone, going all this long way, is left without comrades, but such cases still happen.
It is difficult to imagine that a person can live his life without friends, because everyone needs support, understanding and just company to have fun or share experiences. Of course, some say that all this is offered to them by the family, but one can argue with this, and friendships are still significantly different from family relationships. It is not always possible to share with your parents or spouse what you would entrust to your friends.
The lack of friends can be due to several reasons. This is due to:
- Inability or unwillingness to maintain relationships and build them.
- Disappointment in friendship as such. This may be due to the fact that the person has been betrayed or severely offended in the past.
- Shyness or lack of self-confidence.
- Confidence that support is not needed, that everything can be solved and survived on your own, without the help of others.
This is a list of only the main reasons - there may be much more. Although it is not so important why this happened, the main thing is that it really is a problem, although many do not want to admit it. Everyone needs to be needed and loved, and not just relatives.
Why are friends needed?
One can argue for a long time about how important a role friends play in life, but all their charm can only be appreciated by those who have them, because friends are a second family, and some over time become much closer than relatives. You can choose your friends yourself and they will walk with you side by side throughout the entire journey, and life will show what your relationship is really worth and whether you can trust them.
A person without friends is lonely and withdrawn. It is often difficult for him to find a common language with other people, to make concessions, to be happy for someone or to sympathize. Over time, such people become tough and unsociable. They themselves do not understand that the lack of close communication harms them and over time this only gets worse. Moreover, often the problem is in themselves, in the reluctance to meet and find loved ones. Some believe that this minimizes the chance of feeling the pain of resentment. This is simply a defensive reaction and fear of something that in most cases will never happen. But it is impossible to insure yourself against everything in life by cutting yourself off from everyone and living alone. The bulk of fears, complexes and concerns exist only in our heads.
It is, of course, possible to live without friends, but this deprives us of many wonderful moments and joy, because friends give that charge of energy, happiness and freedom that cannot be compared with anything. They will always come to the rescue when you feel bad mentally or physically, they will support you if it seems that there is no way out, and they will tell you the truth when you need it, even if it is oh so unsweetened.
Friends are wealth that does not dry out over the years, but becomes better and more valuable.
There are never many of them. Usually there are only a few people closest to you, but these are the people who will give you their last and will never leave you. They become so close that they know you better than you know yourself.
Without friends, a person cannot be a complete person; he will always seem to be missing something. It is impossible to feel harmonious if there are no people nearby with whom you can share your thoughts and experiences. Even the most inveterate introvert sometimes wants to sit in a quiet place with someone with whom it’s nice to be silent. After all, a true friend understands you without words.
FAQ
Where to look for new friends?
Finding friends is very easy in the virtual space. First of all, you need to look into communities of interest: a fishing club or film critics club, a portal for gardeners or bodybuilders. It all depends on personal hobbies. City pubs are an excellent option, many of which periodically offer joint gatherings.
Another place to look for new acquaintances will be one-day tours, online games or quests. Overcoming difficult situations together helps to establish closer contact between people. You can also join a sports, dance or intellectual club. This will help you gain not only new friends, but also new skills that will increase your self-esteem. Don't discount educational institutions and the workplace. If it is difficult to establish contact with fellow students or co-workers in an ordinary setting, suggest that management organize a thematic event in one of the city cafes to get to know each other better and communicate in an informal setting.
How to help your child make friends?
When choosing friends, children are not guided by an extensive system of criteria, as adults do, but they also experience the same difficulties in communication. The main reasons for the lack of friends in kindergarten are: isolation, shyness, lack of self-confidence or inability to make contact. To avoid problems at school age, psychologists recommend gradual socialization starting at 2 or 3 years of age. You need to understand that relationships with other children will not always work out well. Therefore, the task of parents is to support the child in time:
- discuss the events of the past day more often, helping to understand a difficult situation;
- encourage, make it clear that he can always count on the love of his family;
- read thematic fairy tales and show cartoons, the characters of which will help to understand the feelings and emotions experienced by the child himself;
- teach the skill of dialogue - it is very important to learn not only to express your desires, but to listen and hear other children;
- teach you to recognize personal boundaries. The kid should not force his comrades to fulfill his demands and should refuse if he does not like the proposal.
But the most effective way is to learn by example. It’s good if among your friends there are married couples with children whom you can visit regularly and invite them to your place.
What to do if you feel very lonely?
Sometimes people feel lonely when they are the center of attention. Unfortunately, dozens of good acquaintances cannot replace one true friend. However, you won’t be able to find it in a couple of minutes either. Therefore, in this case, psychologists recommend moving the thought process into a more positive direction. The following will help you take your mind off gloomy thoughts:
- change of environment or daily routine;
- conversation with a stranger;
- visiting public places, exhibitions, forums;
- acquiring new experiences (travel, dance lessons, etc.).
You can increase your activity on the virtual network. And also try to understand yourself, understand what experience makes you feel lonely and reduce its influence.
How can an introvert make friends?
Many people think of introverts as arrogant and arrogant people, but in reality they also need support and communication. They just don’t always know how to correctly express their emotions and outlook on life. To make friends, an introvert needs only:
- smile more often and show readiness to communicate;
- answer calls and messages;
- remain yourself in any situation;
- say hello and be the first to start a conversation in companies. You don’t have to say anything personal; first, you should find out how your interlocutor is doing or the topic of the event.
Socialization, like other skills, can be trained. The main thing is to leave your comfort zone more often and seek communication with other people.
How to survive a friend's betrayal?
Betrayal is the most unpleasant story in relationships with best friends at any age. Sometimes the pain from it is stronger than physical ailments, but no matter what happens, the main thing is not to go to extremes, because the offender does not always come from personal hostility. Close relationships take years to build and it would be stupid to ruin everything because of one wrong step. However, you shouldn’t forgive or encourage inappropriate behavior either. In psychology, there is a very comprehensive term for this case - coping. It implies a rational approach to the situation. You will have to accept the fact of betrayal, learn a lesson from it, and then, when the time comes and the memories do not hurt, give the person a second chance.
How to remove the fear of making friends after betrayal of friends?
It takes time to learn to trust people again - this is the main medicine that can heal many “diseases”. Especially if you use it in combination with other psychological techniques. First of all, it is important to understand that the blow was not intended for you personally. The offender did not act out of the desire to cause as much trouble as possible. Most likely, there were other reasons behind the unpleasant act. We need to come to terms with the fact that people are not perfect, everyone has their own weaknesses. To renew or create a close relationship, learn to accept a person with all his shortcomings.
What are the consequences of not having friends?
While the lack of friends is morally unpleasant, it also has a negative impact on health and overall well-being. After all, whether it is joy or sadness, if there is no one to share it with, then everything remains only in thoughts. Psychologists have long argued that in order to cope with pain or negative emotions, you need to tell someone about them, speak out loud about your experiences. In the absence of friends, a person has to cope with stress on his own, and this is detrimental to the cardiovascular and nervous systems in the first place and to health in general. This explains why lonely people die earlier than those with close friends and family.
Why friendship is necessary
You need to think about why friendly relations between people are needed at all.
- Sharing common interests and values.
- Supporting each other in difficult times, the opportunity to pour out your soul to someone.
- A feeling of your value and importance for another person.
- The ability to communicate with a person without the need to live in the same area.
How to find friends?
Undoubtedly, finding friends is not an easy task. This can take a long time, because it is impossible to predict what a person really is and how he behaves in various life situations. All this is learned with experience and gradually. Some are not ready, or simply do not want to spend a lot of time to establish relationships, maintain them and have the strength to survive quarrels and misunderstandings. In addition to all this, it is important to be able to forgive and find compromises. And it’s not uncommon to come across people who disappoint and betray, strengthening the belief that it’s easier and calmer without friends. The main thing is to be sure that everything will work out, and you will definitely find those who will become close to you.
It is necessary to constantly develop, go to all kinds of meetings, trainings and social events, not be afraid to communicate and make new acquaintances.
There will be people who will support you in your interests, and over time communication can become closer. Most will remain just acquaintances, but among them there will be those who will become close friends, and it is impossible to predict who exactly.
You should not be afraid to look for opportunities to communicate by any means - for this there is the Internet, telephone and other types of communication. Even if for some reason you don’t have time to talk with friends often, you can correspond with them and send various photos. Now this is not a problem, all types of communication have the right to life if a person is dear to you, if you are ready to share part of your life and warmth with him.
Having friends is nice. Comrades are able to bring into your life the warmth of their soul, a piece of the kindness of their heart. The presence of a dear person nearby will allow you to overcome the necessary trials if they happen. In addition, you can have fun with friends, relax and work. It’s not worth giving up such an amazing opportunity - to have true comrades and to be needed by someone.
Life changes
It was unusual for us to get used to a new way of life. Therefore, we tried our best to cope with the situation when nothing is possible and restrictions are everywhere. Many experienced this time very hard, but in the end everyone managed to get used to the new rules. When the opportunity arises to go to a fun party again, sit with friends in a cafe, go to the theater or concert, you need to get used to it again. That is, returning to communication turned out to be the same enormous change that you need to get used to. In addition, many people have found remote jobs and rearranged their schedules to be at home all the time. This also affected some children who were reluctant to return to school.
They prefer to communicate exclusively with trusted people
Some people have had negative experiences. For example, they were betrayed by loved ones or friends behaved unworthily. The betrayal was so strong, and the wound took so long to heal, that the person was forced to reconsider and set priorities differently. As a result, he came to the conclusion that from now on he would only deal with trusted people. He has become very selective, looks long and carefully, and is not very willing to communicate with strangers. Perhaps at some period of time he will be lonely, but with a greater degree of probability, he will still find the one he is looking for. Therefore, in this case, loneliness should not be considered as a tragedy. This is a person's choice, and he has the right to it.
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They don't know how to relax and have fun
Not every person can be friends with someone who does not know how to have fun in the usual sense of this action. For example, he will not attend noisy parties, or relax with a large group of colleagues and friends. To regain strength, he needs to either be alone or communicate with one or at most two like-minded people. We are again talking about the temperament of an introverted person who prefers a quieter and more modest holiday and cannot stand the presence of a large number of people. There is nothing wrong with this, since everyone relaxes as best they can. If a person is comfortable in such an environment or enjoys spending time alone, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him.
Dependent on other people's opinions
It cannot be said that such people do not have friends in principle, but in reality they really do not have any real ones. If a person does not have his own opinion, always tries to please everyone, does not know how to defend his interests, etc., they begin to manipulate him. He himself naively believes that they are treating him friendly (after all, he tried to do everything for this), but in most cases they laugh at him and do not perceive him as “one of their own.” That is why this situation is dangerous. You must always remember your self-esteem, know your worth, and take responsibility. It is necessary to develop and strengthen such qualities as courage, the ability to stand up for oneself, determination and responsibility. Then you can choose your friends, and not wait for someone else to make this choice.
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Resources
First of all, it should be said that the state of social blocking is natural in this situation. During lockdown, having to deal with problems alone or with a limited circle of friends has strained our resources. Now that all the bad things are behind us, the next problem has appeared. There are not enough resources for communication, since we have already adapted to a quiet and solitary life. It simply bores us. Following from this, you need to understand that patience will be required, since you cannot immediately adapt to new conditions as quickly as you would like. It is precisely these fears that haunt people who, for other reasons, find themselves temporarily isolated from others.
Here are the tactics and strategies you need to use to get back to your old life.
