In 2022, former head of the US Medical Service Vivek Murphy called loneliness a “growing epidemic”, one of the reasons for which is that modern technology and social networks partially replace our live interaction with others. There is a connection between this condition and the increasing risk of depression, anxiety, cardiovascular disease, dementia, and a reduction in life expectancy.
Anyone can experience loneliness—including mental health professionals. “Loneliness and shame make me feel flawed, unwanted, unloved,” says psychotherapist and coach Megan Bruno. “It seems that in this state it is better not to catch anyone’s attention, because if people see me like this, they may turn away from me forever.”
How to support yourself on days when you feel especially lonely? This is what psychologists advise.
Looking at things from a different angle
The concept of “loneliness” has a negative emotional connotation. It is often associated with suffering and deprivation. Replace it with a word with a positive meaning. For example, “solitude”, “freedom”. Then the very attitude towards the situation will change. In other words, change the way you look at things.
How to Tell if Loneliness Is Bad for You
The answer seems obvious, but loneliness actually manifests itself in many different ways.
Sometimes this is a short-term situational state that any of us has encountered. It can be caused by moving, changing jobs, or breaking up with a partner. During the holidays, all these things are experienced much more acutely than on ordinary days. During this period, it is especially important to remain open to communication, which will prevent you from withdrawing into yourself and making loneliness chronic.
Chronic loneliness is defined as “a feeling of isolation that gets worse and lasts for a long time.” It can lead to various unpleasant symptoms: chronic physical pain, weakened immune system, sleep disturbances, and emotional exhaustion.
In this state, a person may feel isolated even in the company of people or with family. It is difficult for him to establish more personal contact; more often he adheres to superficial communication with others, which only aggravates the feeling of loneliness. Another symptom is negative feelings towards oneself and lack of confidence in one’s own worth.
Sometimes loneliness manifests itself in self-sabotaging behavior. For example, a person stops taking care of himself, starts eating more or less, quits sports or, conversely, takes up training too aggressively, drinks, uses drugs, and does not seek medical help when necessary. These are all subtle signs of serious psychological problems that can be caused by chronic loneliness.
We weren't alone
We are created for a relationship with the Creator
It is the only thing that can bring us out of loneliness because it is the connection we were created for. This single interaction with Jesus, who is the Son of God, brought meaning to life, comfort and joy to the leper, while untold riches and women did not bring inner happiness to Solomon. A personal relationship with the Almighty changes everything because it fulfills our deepest need. This is the answer to our problem of loneliness.
However, does a relationship with God protect us from feeling lonely for the rest of our time? No. Simply put, the world is broken. It's a complex story that you can read more about in the Bible, but our world is damaged. We are separated from God by our sin, by our desire to live separately from Heavenly Father. In this world, we cannot endure life as it should be, without loneliness, evil, sadness or fear.
Loneliness among people
This state occurs when you are convinced (and this belief can be true or deceptive) that there is not a single person in the whole world who understands and appreciates you.
You retreat into your shell, cutting off all but the most necessary contact with the outside world. After work, you return to an empty apartment and spend the evening alone. At night you wake up from the slightest rustle. You freeze in horror: what if there is someone in the room? And at the same time, you are horrified by the thought that there is no one here and cannot be. This loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings a person can experience. Isolation from the outside world makes you desperate and it seems like nothing can help you. But even in this state, you can find a positive side. When suffering reaches a critical point and becomes almost unbearable, it often becomes a very strong motivation to go out into the world and start again.
Ambulance
Any harbor is good during a storm. Communication is as necessary for the human soul as oxygen is for the body. We all dream of passionate love and friendship for all time, but if these dreams seem unattainable now, you will benefit from any communication. Even if you have a few words with the seller at the store or go to your neighbor for salt, this will help you maintain contact with the outside world.
When you feel lost and abandoned, take advantage of every opportunity to connect. For a lonely person, a completely random acquaintance at first glance often becomes the straw that helps to escape. If possible, see a therapist or sign up for group classes.
Change yourself
Loneliness is a great engine of progress. To get rid of this unpleasant feeling, we can overcome our complexes, shyness, and self-doubt. Do you feel awkward in the company of unfamiliar people? Very good. Be shy, worry, even cry if necessary and go through your entire wardrobe. And then pull yourself together, get dressed, comb your hair and go out to people. Do it, no matter the cost.
The best way to network is to try to understand the people around you and help them understand you. Some communication techniques may also be helpful. For example, a fail-safe technique when meeting people is to ask people questions, because few people can resist the temptation to talk about themselves and their loved ones.
It is unlikely that the first person you meet will be exactly the person you have been looking for all your life. But somewhere there are probably people who, just like you, are looking for someone with whom they can have a heart-to-heart talk. Do not despair. You will definitely find each other. But only if you look.
