There is a lot of talk about friendship, but not all people know how to be a good friend. Some people can't even define friendship. Let's start with this. Friendship is a close relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Friendship arises between people with common interests and mutual sympathy. We want to be friends with the person whose worldview is close to us. And also sympathy arises for the person whose personal qualities attract us. Let's take a closer look at what friendship is.
Extroverts and introverts
All people are divided into two types: extroverts and introverts.
If extroverts are open to the world, they are ready to share their thoughts, emotions, experiences, it costs them nothing to approach any person and start a conversation with him, then an introvert is a closed person who prefers to be alone with himself, trusting mainly only himself.
It is not common to find pure types that have the behavioral characteristics of only one type. More often than not, two opposites coexist in one person in unequal proportions.
Each type has its own problems. For example, extroverts may suffer reputational consequences for being extremely open or trusting the wrong person. Extroverts also expect a lot from people and from life, so there is a risk of being disappointed at some point.
Introverts are often compared to a snail and a turtle - creatures that, in case of danger, hide in their own home in the hope of isolating themselves from the entire hostile world. Hiddenness, isolation, being outside of society are some of the biggest problems of introverts.
But there is also that trouble that any person can have, regardless of his psychological type. This is the problem associated with not having friends.
Keep your word
Always keep your word and keep the promises you make, no matter what your relationship with the people you made them to. Be the friend that people can trust by default.
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Why are friends needed?
It seems clear why a person needs friends, but it is worth recalling once again the benefits of true friendship.
With a close person - a friend - it is pleasant to spend the happy hours of your life and it is not so scary to experience unpleasant moments in life;
A friend is a person with whom you can be yourself. Even if everyone else thinks you're weird, you still don't step out of your comfort zone. Sometimes the friends remind one of the strange possums Eddie and Crash from Ice Age, but while they are together there is no strangeness, a certain friendly atmosphere;
You can share almost everything with a friend: your favorite activity, a good movie, pizza, joy and much more.
Friendship is about small pleasant moments, for example, as the group “Alai Oli” sings, “if you run out of food, your friends will not leave you.” Close people often make each other happy for no reason.
Friends support you in difficult moments and help you with things you can’t handle on your own.
You can trust a friend and tell about your most secret things.
Pros of friendship in terms of pickup
If you immediately set yourself up to the position that in principle you cannot be friends with girls, this will lead to you losing a lot of potential opportunities.
To understand what opportunities you are losing, let's start from the opposite direction. Let's say you seduced a girl, you met a couple of races, but why? As a rule, the pick-up artist is not going to meet with her further. And even if you enjoy having several regular sexual partners, and you can afford it. Moreover, the girls agree to this. But what to do with all of them - two, three, four, five girlfriends, much more? Moreover, in reality such situations are rare, and you cannot arrange a harem in our country. The female mentality, excuse me, is different.
There are, of course, pick-up artists who, if necessary, know how to find in the phone the number of a girl whom they once seduced, invite her on a date again, and seduce her again. There are such girls, but they are few. Therefore, it is far from a fact that the friend you suddenly remembered a month later is no longer married. Besides, will you be able to seduce again the one you slept with and then, to put it mildly, abandoned? Not always either.
And there are situations when you meet a good girl who, although you are interested in sex, but in fact you don’t really need her for this - there are plenty of others. Is it worth seducing her just for show? Should I just blow her off or will friendship with a girl be just fine? To be honest, you will always have time to get rid of it. But you can be friends with a girl in a way that benefits you. A real pick-up artist always has several girlfriends with whom relationships are not related to sex. But why maintain such a relationship, you ask?
It all largely depends on the guy. Let's say you're a dude who only hangs out with men in his neighborhood. You watch football together and drink beer, then there are no questions. Everyone chooses their own lifestyle and social circle. But if you strive to achieve something in life and develop in society as an individual, then you need a different approach and new acquaintances. After all, a new good friend is not a girl in herself, it’s also her social circle, her connections, her way of life - and she can share all this with you. If you have a good relationship, of course.
That is, you can use this person to achieve some of your goals. Doesn't sound like much? Not at all. If she wants to be friends with you without a hint of sex, then for some reason she also needs such a relationship.
In principle, usually the same as for you. Besides the fact that sometimes you can have fun together.
So, let’s summarize what are the advantages of a situation where a guy is friends with girls:
- If you gather a party, then you always have someone to invite to level things out. Moreover, you can always match her with one of your friends or acquaintances, and she can also reciprocate your feelings.
- It is possible that your new friend will have access to the resources you need, for example, contacts useful for your career. Believe me, people still get better jobs based on connections.
- A girl friend is a wonderful way to spend time if you are tired of your friends, and you simply don’t want to seduce someone.
What should a good friend do?
But friendship also requires certain efforts and the fulfillment of corresponding responsibilities:
- It is necessary to be a good friend , to give yourself spiritually to a loved one. Only one who is a good friend has many friends.
- There is no place for selfishness in friendship ; sometimes it is necessary to make compromises. Only a person who values not only himself, but also those around him has true friends.
- Friendship does not end with the bright streak of life: true friends should support each other , like spouses, in joy, in sorrow, and in bad health.
- For a friendship to be strong, it needs to be worked on just like a relationship. If there are problems, then they need to be solved and not kept silent.
- A loved one requires respect and an honest attitude towards him. Only friend or foe can tell the real truth without fear of the artificial social norms of inappropriate politeness.
- If you found something in this list that you didn’t like, that you can never do (and this is just ShortList!), then you shouldn’t look any further for the reason for the lack of friends - it’s excessive egocentrism. A person who only takes, including from friendship, will never know the beauty of normal communication.
- Those who always observe the duties of a true friend, but do not know how to taste the benefits of friendship, need to take a good look at themselves.
When is it time to leave
Only you can decide when it's time to say goodbye. However, the precondition is that you are honest with yourself and ask yourself problematic questions, that is, you know why you want to say goodbye to this friend. One thing is very important: listen to your intuition and a little to another loved one. An outside perspective often helps to see the situation in a more “neutral” way.
If you're hesitating between holding on and letting go, talk to your friend - explain how you feel, what your problems are, and get their point of view. It is quite possible to overcome some crises together!
Under no circumstances should you break up as a knee-jerk reaction. This usually backfires, because by the time the “acute” situation has passed and you see the light, it will be too late. Even if the decision was correct, there will be an unpleasant aftertaste. If the breakup was conflictual, many offensive words were said in the heat of the moment - this cannot be returned. A fair ending looks different.
Why don't I have friends?
The most common reason for not having friends is the aforementioned selfishness in its extreme. Let's not dwell on it.
Read more: 20 reasons why people may not like you
Another potential reason is incorrect positioning of oneself in society. Perhaps the person is too shy, and because of this he behaves differently than he could under any other conditions. Pretentiousness is easily labeled by people as unnaturalness, which means secrecy. It's best to allow yourself to be natural. Don't let any environment or situation take you out of your comfort zone. Only then can you allow yourself to reveal and show your best qualities that were previously hidden behind a mask.
Often people look for friends where it will not bring any results, but they do not stop their search. Why? The root causes may be different, but the result is the same: the opposition of a particular person to a social group. In this case, you need to look for another social circle, people with whom you have common interests or views on life. If a person has, as they say, a “complex character,” it is difficult for him to get along with people.
But in order to find a friend, you sometimes need to overcome yourself, to meet another person halfway. There are people who are afraid to impose themselves. Such people may have a high chance of making friends, but the fear of being the odd one out prevents friendly relations. It may be that a person's behavior offends certain people with whom he would like to become friends.
Problems with relationships with classmates
The years of study are remembered with warmth and tenderness. Every person sooner or later thinks about the distant time when he was a carefree schoolboy. But nostalgia will come decades later, but in the meantime there may be problems in relationships with peers.
The rules of communication with classmates will help you avoid them. The catchphrase is appropriate here: treat people the way you want them to treat you. This means not giving offensive nicknames, laughing at physical disabilities, or being disrespectful or rude. These banal truths need to be learned; they will help build harmonious relationships with society.
Basics of Self-Analysis
That is, in order to understand the cause of loneliness, you need to ask yourself a few questions:
- How selfish am I? What do my family think about this?
- Can I make concessions?
- Do I really like the people I want to be friends with? Should I look for another company?
- Am I helpful in difficult situations?
- Do I know how to behave with people? Does my behavior offend anyone's views?
These are the main points to think about, not a test. You don’t need to quickly answer all the questions “yes” or “no,” you need to “dig” into yourself and understand what’s wrong. Only then will there be a chance to fix anything.
Virtual world
The Internet has firmly entered the life of every person and has become an integral part of it. Social networks are replacing face-to-face communication, so it is not surprising that there are rules for online communication with friends.
The first and main commandment is: you must respond to messages sent by friends. Sometimes people online choose to ignore them. Here we need to make a small digression and imagine such a situation. Two friends met:
- Hello.
- Hello.
- How are you doing?
The interlocutor did not answer anything; he silently turned around and left. Silent scene. This is what silence looks like on the Internet.
Also, do not send cheerful and funny pictures to your friend. Never. Perhaps this is very funny and interesting, but suddenly the person is busy or simply not in the mood. He will have to make an effort to respond to this meaningless message.
In the modern world, a fashionable habit that you need to eradicate in yourself is to answer with abbreviations. For example, “thank you” instead of “thank you”, “plz” instead of “please”. The Russian language is beautiful and rich. It is much more pleasant to communicate with a person who speaks it perfectly, rather than having difficulty connecting two words into a sentence and being frighteningly tongue-tied.
How women determine the type of men
It is very difficult for a woman to understand what male friendship is, so in such friendly relations she will in any case begin to look for a loophole leading to a happy wedding day. It is also important to understand here that if a man wants to be with a woman, he will be there, at least as a friend, husband, buddy, or just a good comrade who can help from time to time in solving difficult problems.
At the same time, a woman’s psychology can frighten a man and force him to sharply decide on his position in life in relation to her:
- So a typical woman, most likely, some time after the start of a friendship, will take a long pause of up to a month, during which the male friend will either leave or take measures to court him, look for a new job, buy a home, and so on;
- Another insidious step could be a radical change in behavior, appearance, and lifestyle. By becoming attractive, daring and unpredictable, a woman can also provoke a man to make a choice;
- A classic of the genre - a woman’s request to solve such a complex issue where only great connections, legal support, or the penetrating force of a male character can help;
- Doing a dirty trick and waiting for the result is the usual behavior of a woman who wants to understand who is next to her and whether she should count on anything at all.
Thus, all the “Baborabs”, “Downs” and “MISPs” are immediately fought off, only the best friend remains nearby, or a man who will be ready in the future to consider this woman as the basis for starting a family. These simple techniques help a woman determine the type of man, understand if this relationship has any future, and in general, whether such friendship is necessary for both of them.
Preemptive strike
Get ahead of her with the line “Let’s just be friends.” These words will be useful to you when you feel that your relationship, which was developing so well at first, has stalled. This sacramental phrase, said at the right time in the right place (for example, at the end of a well-spent evening together), will help push your friend to the next logical step. The girl, of course, understands what exactly you need from her. Therefore, if you suddenly reject her, she will make every effort to make you change your mind.
