Many people want to learn how to influence people, but few actually know how to do it. All manipulative methods are used: guilt, threats, blackmail, resentment, lies, denial and much more. This helps to achieve his short-term goal, but after that the person loses all respect and acquires a dubious reputation. To do this correctly and unobtrusively, there are some strategies that need to be followed when communicating with each person, which we will talk about today. But this is only part of the theory, and to learn more about profiling and hone this skill in practice, come to the Profiling program.
Psychological tricks
10. Ask for favors
© Dean Drobot
Trick: Ask someone to do a favor for you (known as the Benjamin Franklin effect).
Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win the favor of a man who didn't like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it, he thanked him very kindly.
As a result, the man who didn't really want to even talk to Franklin became friends with him. In the words of Franklin: “He who has once done you a good deed will be more disposed to do something good for you again than one to whom you yourself are indebted.”
Scientists decided to test this theory, and eventually found that those people whom the researcher asked for a personal favor were much more favorable towards the specialist compared to other groups of people.
Don't show it
Nobody likes criticism. Even people who recognize its significance and gratefully accept it do not like it, by analogy with a bitter medicine. Don't think that you are doing a person a big favor by criticizing his actions: in reality, you are just ruining your relationship with him. To get sympathy from a person, forget about criticism and arguments, try to agree on everything. If you need to correct your interlocutor, first agree with him, then find the strengths in his judgments, use them as support to assert that he is right. On such a foundation, you can sort out a sensitive moment and push your interlocutor to the right train of thought. This way he will be able to save face, and you will be able to maintain his good attitude.
Influence on human behavior
9. Aim Higher
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The trick: always ask for more than you initially need, and then lower the bar.
This technique is sometimes called the “door-in-the-face approach.” You are approaching a person with a really too high request, which he will most likely refuse.
After that you come back with a request for a “lower rank”
namely, what you really need from this person.
This trick may seem counterintuitive to you, but the idea is that the person will feel bad after rejecting you. However, he will explain this to himself as the unreasonableness of the request.
Therefore, the next time you approach him with your real need, he will feel obligated to help you.
Scientists, after testing this principle in practice, came to the conclusion that it actually works, because a person who is first approached with a very “big” request, and then returns to him and asks for a small one, feels that he can help you he should.
Nod your head
Trick: Nod your head a little during a conversation, especially if you want to ask your interlocutor for something. Scientists have found that when a person nods while listening to someone, they are more likely to agree with what is being said. They also found that if the person you are talking to nods, most of the time you will also nod. This is understandable because people often unconsciously imitate the behavior of another person, especially one with whom interaction will benefit them. So if you want to add weight to what you say, nod regularly while speaking. The person you're talking to will have a hard time not nodding and will start to feel positive about the information you're presenting without even realizing it.
Author: listverse.com Translation: infoniac.ru
The influence of a name on a person
8. Say names
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Trick: Use the person's name or title depending on the situation.
Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, believes that mentioning a person's name frequently in conversation is incredibly important.
He emphasizes that a person’s name in any language is the sweetest combination of sounds for him.
Carnegie says that a name is the main component of human identity, therefore, when we hear it, we once again receive confirmation of our importance.
This is why we feel more positive towards a person who confirms our importance in the world.
However, using a title or other form of address in a speech can also have a strong impact. The idea is that if you behave like a certain type of person, then you will become that person. This is somewhat like a prophecy.
To use this technique to influence other people, you can address them as you would like them to be. As a result, they will begin to think of themselves in this way.
It’s very simple, if you want to get closer to a certain person, then call him “friend” or “comrade” more often. Or, when referring to someone you would like to work for, you can call him “boss.” But keep in mind that sometimes this can backfire on you.
Blackmail
This is not a criminal interpretation of the term, but a diplomatic technique in which one partner is somewhat dependent on the other and is forced to make concessions. Dependence in this case is a card that can be played profitably by imposing your terms of the game on your opponent in exchange for maintaining loyalty. The method, like the previous one, is not ethical, but this circumstance prevents few people from using it.
IMPORTANT! Nobody likes to be in a dependent position and endure someone else's dictation. In order not to spoil your relationship, be tactful and careful when communicating, and use moderation.
The influence of words on a person
7. Flatter
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The trick: flattery can get you where you need to go.
This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. To begin with, it is worth noting that if flattery is not sincere, then it will most likely do more harm than good.
However, scientists who have studied flattery and people's reactions to it have discovered several very important things.
Simply put, people always try to maintain cognitive balance by trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in a similar way.
Therefore, if you flatter a person whose self-esteem is high, and the flattery is sincere,
He will like you more because the flattery will match what he thinks about himself.
However, if you flatter someone whose self-esteem is suffering, there may be negative consequences. It is likely that he will treat you worse because it does not intersect with how he perceives himself.
Of course, this does not mean that a person with low self-esteem should be humiliated.
Mirror
Becoming a mirror image of your interlocutor is the easiest way to mutual understanding. This method works in any possible way, starting from repeating the simplest physical actions. If your interlocutor has a habit of stroking his hair during a conversation, pay attention to it and simply copy it. You can paraphrase and repeat the words of your interlocutor, you can discover common interests and similarities in views. You can even deliberately become an imitator of the person you want, this will greatly flatter his pride and is guaranteed to attract his attention to you.
Ways to influence people
6. Mirror other people's behavior
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The trick: Be a mirror image of the other person's behavior.
Mirroring behavior is also known as mimicry, and it is something that certain types of people have in their nature.
People with this skill are called chameleons because they try to blend in with their environment by copying others' behavior, mannerisms, and even speech. However, this skill can be used quite deliberately and is a great way to get liked.
Researchers studied mimicry and found that those who were copied had very favorable attitudes towards the person who copied them.
Experts also came to another, more interesting conclusion. They found that people who had role models had much more favorable attitudes toward people in general, even those who weren't involved in the study.
It is likely that the reason for this reaction lies in the following. Having someone who mirrors your behavior validates your worth. People feel more confident in themselves, thus they are happier and have good attitude towards other people.
Authoritative opinion
An outside opinion is sometimes necessary even for fundamentally independent people who are accustomed to relying only on themselves in everything. A person does not immediately develop his own opinion; its formation requires minimal knowledge and minimal experience. And if there is neither one nor the other, the other person’s opinion will become a natural guideline. Most people, for example, choose a film to watch not by its trailer, but by its rating on popular thematic Internet resources. And to choose a restaurant or nightclub, many read reviews on the establishment’s pages on social networks.
It's always a good idea to have an outsider on your side who can back up what you're saying. It doesn’t matter how competent this person is in the issue under discussion, it is much more important whether his eyes sparkle with delight and satisfaction.
Psychology of influencing people
5. Take advantage of fatigue
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Trick: ask for a favor when you see that the person is tired.
When a person is tired, he becomes more receptive to any information, be it a simple statement about something or a request. The reason is that when a person gets tired, it is not only on the physical level, his mental energy reserves are also depleted.
When you make a request to a tired person, most likely you will not get a definite answer right away, but will hear: “I will do it tomorrow,” because he will not want to make any decisions at the moment.
The next day, most likely, the person will actually comply with your request, because on a subconscious level, most people try to keep their word, so we make sure that what we say matches what we do.
Bargaining is appropriate
Those who have visited oriental bazaars are well aware of the importance that eastern traders attach to the art of bargaining. When the buyer asks about the price of the goods, the seller announces an amount that is twice, and sometimes three or four times the real cost. This is done so that the real price, when it is announced, looks in the eyes of the buyer as a huge concession on the part of the seller, which it would be a sin not to agree to. To achieve your request, you can do the same. Ask for too much, get rejected, come back and ask for what you need. Children often do this when they want to get their parents to buy a new toy or allow them to watch TV longer.
Psychological influence on a person
4. Offer something that a person cannot refuse
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The trick: start the conversation with something that the other person can’t refuse, and you will achieve what you need.
This is the flip side of the door-in-the-face approach. Instead of starting the conversation with a request, you start with something small. As soon as a person agrees to help you in small ways, or simply agrees to something, you can use the “heavy artillery.”
Experts have tested this theory using marketing approaches. They started by asking people to show their support for protecting the rainforests and the environment, which is a very simple request.
Once support has been received, scientists have found that it is now much easier to persuade people to buy products that promote this support. However, you should not start with one request and immediately move on to another.
Psychologists have found that it is much more effective to take a break of 1-2 days.
3.3. Official power
Official power is determined by the existing system of subordination (subordination) and the set of functions, rights and responsibilities in the management structure.
It is determined by granting the manager the authority to make and implement management decisions, issue regulations, and force subordinates to comply with them. All managers exercise legitimate power because they have been delegated the authority to manage other people. These bases of power are the tools by which a manager can force subordinates to do work aimed at achieving the goals of the firm.
The doer believes that the influencer has the right to give orders, and that it is his duty to obey them. This influence has become a tradition whereby obedience will lead to the satisfaction of the performer's needs.
The smooth functioning of the company directly depends on the willingness of subordinates to traditionally recognize the legitimate authority of the leader. But such influence is possible as long as the manager is able to satisfy the needs of the subordinate. A system based on tradition will collapse if it does not provide warmth and security to its loyal supporters.
Tradition is especially important for formal work groups. The ability to reward and punish strengthens the leader's authority to give orders. With the help of tradition, the speed and predictability of influence increases and the making of many decisions is greatly simplified.
Tradition has a huge advantage - impersonality. The performer reacts not to the person, but to the position. This increases stability, since the functioning of the company does not depend on the life or abilities of any one individual.
Techniques for influencing people
3. Stay calm
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The trick: Don't correct someone when they're wrong.
In his famous book, Carnegie also emphasized that one should not tell people that they are wrong. This, as a rule, will lead to nothing, and you will simply fall out of favor with this person.
There is actually a way to show disagreement while still having a polite conversation, without telling anyone that they are wrong, but by striking the other person's ego to the core.
The method was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea is quite simple: instead of arguing, listen to what the person is saying and then try to understand how they feel and why.
You should then explain to the person the points you share with them and use that as a starting point to clarify your position. This will make him more sympathetic to you and he will be more likely to listen to what you have to say without losing face.
Predicament
A person’s desire to help someone in need or in trouble is closely related to personal ambitions. A person who does good deeds increases self-esteem and compensates for actions of which he is not proud. This is actively used not only by people who find themselves in a real difficult situation, but also by scammers of all stripes, including unscrupulous advertisers. The method is relevant in a lot of everyday situations: from trying to borrow money to explaining the reason for being absent or late for work.
The influence of people on each other
2. Repeat the words of your interlocutor
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The trick: paraphrase what the person says and repeat what they said.
This is one of the most amazing ways to influence other people. This way you show your interlocutor that you really understand him, capture his feelings and your empathy is sincere.
That is, by paraphrasing the words of your interlocutor, you will achieve his favor very easily. This phenomenon is known as reflective listening.
Research has shown that when doctors use this technique, people open up more to them and their “collaboration” is more fruitful.
It's easy to use when chatting with friends too. If you listen to what they say and then paraphrase what they said, forming a question for confirmation, they will feel very comfortable with you.
You will have a stronger friendship and they will listen more actively to what you have to say because you have managed to show that you care about them.
Service
What do you do when you want to invite a friend, for example, to the park or to the cinema? You tell us what attractions there are, what cool movie they are showing today and how you can have a great time. The only way to lure a person somewhere is to inspire him with sincere interest. In the format of business negotiations, there can be only one interest - some kind of benefit. If you offer your interlocutor a profitable business just like that, as a favor or a gesture of goodwill, you are guaranteed to arouse his interest and gratitude towards you. All that remains is to figure out how to formalize the desired offer in the form of a selfless service to a partner.
Available methods of mind manipulation for beginners
To use psychological techniques to influence a person, it is not necessary to become a professional psychologist. In everyday communication, anyone can use the following methods:
- Suggestion. An authoritative person can use this method. By choosing the right phrases and constructing his speech, he inspires people with the necessary information. This method will only work if the manipulator is able to speak confidently. Slurred speech is subconsciously rejected by the listener and perceived as unreliable.
- Infection. A way of transmitting emotional mood to other people based on a chain reaction. In a dangerous situation, a person prone to panic infects other people with it. A provocateur in a crowd specifically increases the aggressiveness of people, increasing the overall level of aggression. Positive emotions can also be transmitted: if someone in a group starts laughing, his laughter will be picked up by others.
- Imitation. An effective method if the targets are children or poorly educated people. The need for a role model pushes them to copy the behavior and way of thinking of an authority figure.
- Belief. This technique is suitable for persuading a person with a high level of education. The manipulator must withstand a high level of discussion, present truthful arguments, allowing the interlocutor to come to the necessary conclusions himself.
Manipulative influence is possible only if the level of intelligence of the manipulator is higher than that of the interlocutors. Otherwise, a smarter interlocutor can intercept the conversation and control the manipulator itself.
How to get love back: stories from the lives of real people
The first story was told to me by a very good friend. Now she is happily married to her beloved man, but this was not always the case. Just recently it seemed that her world was destroyed.
One ordinary day, her lover came to her and said: “We need to break up. I don’t love you anymore, we are completely different and don’t suit each other.”
It was a real blow, a bolt from the blue, because everything seemed to be fine with them: a couple of weeks ago, her beloved proposed marriage to her, the plan was to live together... They practically did not quarrel, and those around them were jealous: “A real fairy tale and idyll - no conflicts, no dramas.”
To the questions “What happened?” and why?" the man did not answer. He cut off all contact with her, blacklisted her and disappeared. It was a shock. The pain from the breakup was unbearable. The girl simply didn’t know what to do next.
On the subject: How to bring back your beloved man with the power of thought
About eight months have passed. Realizing that her feelings for her ex-fiancé were not fading away, she decided to act. Even then, she knew about a person’s ability to create his own reality and decided to materialize a reality where she and her beloved were together.
After working with her thoughts, the girl realized that all her life she had been haunted by the fear of being abandoned, deceived, destroyed; she expected a “blow” from everyone. It is not surprising that with her fears and constant expectation of bad things, she created the circumstances in which a loved one broke her heart.
In other words, she herself created this situation, albeit unconsciously, and her man is not to blame. She was just faced with the realization of her own fear. Which means everything could be fixed. Understanding this was the beginning of the journey.
The girl began to work on her negative attitudes and blocks. Instead of a broken heart, she vividly imagined how her beloved returned to her, how he loved her, how he yearned for her, and mentally saw that they were already together.
A few weeks later, her ex came to talk to her. It was a real breakthrough: after all, he was not seen or heard for eight whole months! And a couple of days later he burst into her life again with passionate declarations of love: he asked for forgiveness for making a mistake, for leaving her. And the girl no longer blamed her beloved, realizing that she herself had unknowingly “thrown him out” of her life.
My friend has done a lot of work on herself. The visualization of the desired reality materialized in reality. Now they are together and happily married.
