They don't leave good wives. After all, if the husband is happy with everything, receives delicious dinners, support, affection, understanding - will he really leave the family nest? Reality constantly refutes this axiom. Probably everyone has life examples of how a smart, beautiful and athlete was left alone despite her merits and efforts. We can talk endlessly about the inconstancy and irresponsibility of men who left the family. But let’s consider the other side: maybe wives make mistakes if their work turns out to be unappreciated?
Being a good wife is still one of the most important attitudes for a woman, one of the indicators of her success. Everyone wants people to say about her husband: “He is lucky to have his wife!” That’s why women try – in the way they understand and know how.
The “Ideal Wife” program is launched at the moment of marriage and further develops, covering all new areas: communication with her husband, everyday life, joint leisure, relatives, friends, guests, and so on. But here’s what’s interesting: completely different versions of this program can be “downloaded” into the minds of the wife and husband.
For one man, a caring and understanding housewife will be ideal, for another - a faithful companion in his hobbies, for a third - this beloved woman, just as she is.
The young wife has her own ideas about how she wants to realize herself in a new incarnation. One’s own vision of this realization is often presented under the guise of “for the beloved husband,” and confusion occurs about what he wants and what belongs to “I want.” Then the husband gets either an authoritarian wife who dictates her own rules of family life, or a woman who has forgotten about her desires and interests, lost between stacks of ironed shirts and starched linen.
Rule #1: Look after yourself - but don't go crazy
Of course, your husband finds you attractive, otherwise he wouldn't get married, so don't feel like you have to look like a movie star every day or shell out money for plastic surgery to keep him.
An article on the topic “Let’s... get a divorce.” 7 actions that will ruin your marriage
On the other hand, marriage does not mean that you can stop taking care of yourself. You are neat, responsible, sweet and loving - all very sexy. You're not trying to compete with his 25-year-old secretary. You don't need to apply false eyelashes or live in a beauty salon. A coat of mascara and short, clean nails is enough. Remember: if you like your appearance, you will look good in the eyes of others. Do it for yourself!
What you need to do to become an ideal wife
So, let's go straight to practice. Some of you may find the following advice obvious and trivial – so much the better. This means that you yourself know what a woman should be like to be called an ideal wife. All that remains is to put this knowledge into practice.
For some, on the contrary, they can cause internal protest. Especially among those ladies who are used to demanding and asking all the time, without giving anything in return. I hope that my advice will help them too. At least take a fresh look at your role in the relationship.
Create comfort in your home
From time immemorial, a woman has been the keeper of the home. With her fragile and gentle hands, she creates comfort in the house and fills it with warmth and love. Of course, in modern conditions, wives can no longer devote so much time to housekeeping. Most of them work alongside their husbands. However, you need to try to do everything to make it pleasant for your husband to return home from work.
It is not necessary to scrub the floors and blow dust off the cabinets every day. It is enough to ensure that things are not lying around, the beds are made, the dishes are washed. The house should be neat and pleasing to the eye.
Make sure your home always smells pleasant. The best flavor is the smell of freshly cooked food. You can also light scented candles and use essential oils if this does not irritate your family.
Cook deliciously
There are a lot of jokes and memes floating around the Internet about the bachelor diet. Some of them are capable of making even the most imperturbable housewife cry. Let's face it: one of the reasons a man gets married is the opportunity to eat tasty and satisfying food. Therefore, you should not disappoint him and make him doubt his decision.
Make sure that there is always something to eat at home when your husband arrives. If you come home from work later than him, prepare ahead of time. It is not necessary to create culinary masterpieces every day; simple food can also be very tasty.
By the way, we have a section on our website with culinary recipes. I advise you to look there.
Take care of yourself
Many girls perceive a stamp in their passport as an official permission to relax and stop taking care of themselves. Although you should do the opposite - try to become the most beautiful, desired and beloved for your husband. If your man sees a disheveled slob in front of him every day, he will naturally start looking at other women.
Therefore, always take care of your appearance. Never allow yourself to appear before your husband in an unsightly manner. He should not have any dissonance between how he sees you at home and in public. At the same time, it is not necessary to meet him every evening brightly made up and dressed up. It is enough to wash your hair on time, remove unwanted hair and wear clean and beautiful home clothes.
Another important point is to save your husband from having to see your cosmetic and hygiene procedures. Don't walk around in front of him with cucumbers on your face and mustard on your hair. Do not epilate or cut your nails in front of him. Find time for yourself when he's not around.
Radiate femininity
Femininity is not about high heels and hair extensions. These are the qualities that correspond to the female gender archetype, which has been formed over thousands of years. Among them are softness, lightness, tenderness, warmth, kindness, altruism. Take them out from the far shelf of your soul, shake off the dust and try them on yourself more often.
Show wisdom, smooth out rough edges, be flexible and patient. After all, it is the woman who is responsible for the emotional climate in the family. It depends on you what the atmosphere in the house will be - light and relaxed or tense and oppressive.
Be independent and self-reliant
Although social stereotypes still allow women to take advantage of the guardianship of the stronger sex, it is definitely not worth abusing this. This is a very harmful myth that men love weak and dependent women who are ready to cling to a man’s pant leg. We already talked about this in the article “What a girl should be like.”
Every person wants to see a partner who is equal to him and build relationships with him on the basis of mutual respect. Therefore, it is very important for women to learn to rely on themselves both financially and emotionally.
Engage in self-development
To always be interesting to your husband, you need to constantly improve. As soon as development stops, the process of degradation begins. Therefore, do not expect to rest on your laurels for the rest of your life and skim the cream off the achievements of your early youth. This is especially true for wives who take care of everyday life and do not work.
Find opportunities to develop yourself. Read books, take courses, learn new skills. Let your role in the family not be limited to the role of a passionate lover and a good housewife. Strive to be an interesting conversationalist, a wise adviser and a partner in business for your husband.
Respect your man
Without mutual respect, a happy family life is impossible. Respect begins with the realization that the husband is a full-fledged adult with his own needs and interests. He is not your third hand, from whom you can demand unquestioning obedience.
Many women are accustomed to looking down on their husbands. Everyone has probably heard jokes about how a husband is another child in the family. Clueless, helpless and confused. Therefore, they need to be led and commanded. Otherwise, he will always lie on the sofa with a hose, doing nothing.
It does not occur to such women that it is their constant pressure that turns their husbands into those very stupid children. Maybe at first they wanted to do something and showed initiative and zeal. But under the pressure of wives, who always know better how to do it, all noble aspirations came to naught.
Remove your condescending view of your husband and learn to see him as an equal partner. Admit it: your husband does not do what you demand of him, not because he is stupid and childish, but because he simply does not want to. Honest reflection will help you see the problem and try to solve it.
Give him his personal space
Don’t try to fill all your husband’s free time with yourself and fit into his skull. He should have his own hobbies and interests, his own friends and even his own secrets. Respect his personal space and don’t be offended by his desire to sometimes spend time without you.
If you are bored and lonely when your husband is not around, find something you like. Relationships between two passionate people are usually stronger and richer than relationships between people without a specific hobby. They never get fed up with communication and appreciate every minute spent together. Besides, they have something to share with each other.
Show you care
Every person loves to be taken care of. You can’t even imagine what an incredible effect seemingly banal actions have. For example:
- meet my husband at the airport upon returning from a business trip;
- wake up before him to prepare his breakfast;
- discreetly put a sandwich in his bag, knowing that he will not have time for lunch;
- buy him shaving foam, noticing that the old one is running out;
- help him clean his car after a heavy snowfall.
Love shows up in the little things - remember this. Generously share your concern with your husband, and he will definitely answer you in kind.
Support him
It's very difficult to be a man. The responsibility for the well-being and safety of the family rests on his shoulders. He has to solve problems and protect his wife and children from all the hardships of the world around him. Therefore, a man needs someone nearby who is ready to support him in difficult times.
You must become this person and provide him with a reliable rear. At any moment, the husband must be sure that his wife is on his side and will never betray him. Even during failures and setbacks, repeat that you believe in him. Praise, thank and admire your man more often. Inspire him to new achievements and achievements. Help him, don't leave him alone with his problems.
If you firmly grasp these rules, there will be no price for you. The husband will be proud of such a wife and cherish her like the apple of his eye.
Share his interests
The riot of hormones ends sooner or later, and the family routine begins. At this stage, many spouses are surprised to realize that they have nothing to even talk about. The husband is interested in cars and football, and the wife is interested in ballet and yoga.
It's actually not that big of a problem. You need to start respecting your spouse's hobbies and stop considering them a waste of time. Then, perhaps, your interest in them will awaken.
Find common ground and turn them into joint activities. Open up to each other from new sides, then you will never be bored together. Experiment and try something new - don't stop there.
Rule #2: Don’t give up on your own interests (you should have your own life!)
Some women put their husbands at the center of their lives, giving up everything that made them interesting after marriage. Others forget about their career or stop working altogether. Others are reducing communication with family and friends. Still others give up interests and hobbies—even fitness. This is a huge mistake. If you completely adapt your life to your husband and he is now the center of your universe, he loses interest in you - and you suffer and regret the sacrifices made.
Article on the topic
Love does not love. Jealousy as a relationship barometer
Intimacy
In order not to be jealous of your husband and not to be afraid of his cheating, you need to behave correctly in the bedroom.
1. There is no need to punish your husband for misconduct, lack of intimacy, or, conversely, reward him for something with intimacy.
2. Don’t act too shy in bed, because you have nothing to be shy in bed with your loved one.
3. But, of course, there is no need to act unnatural and behave like a worker in the Dutch sex industry. When asked how many men were before him, answer with a smile that everything that came before him does not matter.
4. Be ready to try something new and somehow diversify your intimate life.
5. Do not discuss your intimate life with your friends, this is only your personal and others do not need to know about it.
Rule #3: Be a team
For a successful marriage, both spouses should remember: you are now one team. Of course, you need to continue to develop your career, communicate with friends, maintain your own hobbies, but now you need to think in terms of a couple, not an individual. Don't act like you're still single: try to take your partner's feelings and thoughts into account. Before you agree to have dinner and go to the movies with your girlfriend - it’s a big deal for me too! - tell your husband. No, you don't need to ask him for permission. What if he wants to watch this movie with you, and then it’s better to choose another movie to meet his friend.
Consider his opinion when purchasing things and making decisions that affect both of you. For example, before you empty your credit card to buy a bedspread and matching curtains, ask if your husband likes such things. Don't think that men aren't interested in this. You'll be surprised to learn that they have opinions about everything from how much time they spend apart to how they decorate their home.
Family life. How to avoid disappointment in your spouse
More details
What does the stronger sex need?
For a partner to consider you a true life partner, unfortunately, it is not enough to have a beautiful appearance, to be an “athlete and Komsomol member.” If this were the case, many women would not be mired in marital quarrels, infidelity and divorce, and the profession of a family psychologist would lose its relevance.
Every gentleman has a need to feel loved and needed. He expects care, loyalty, support and understanding from his girlfriend. Women must have:
- devotion;
- poise;
- ease;
- thriftiness.
This means that each partner wants to come to a clean and cozy home, where they are comfortable not only physically, but also mentally. He wants pleasant communication with his chosen one, so that he can be filled with energy and calmness from her.
Rule #4: When he gets home, he needs fifteen minutes to be alone.
Men love to be alone, even if they deny it. When your husband returns from work, don't rush to the door and dump questions, problems, and assignments on his head. This will only cause irritation, and it will seem to the spouse that he lives with an overly demanding person playing the role of his domineering mother. He may even start deliberately coming home later. Of course, you can greet him with a light kiss, but then leave him alone. The conversation will go better if your husband stays at home for a while, takes a breath and speaks to you himself. He won't be angry, and you'll be glad you waited.
Article on the topic
How to make your husband fall in love with you again. 8 steps that any woman can do
Qualities of a good wife
The goal of every married woman is to become an ideal wife and create a happy and strong family. Psychology describes the general characteristics that are characteristic of good wives.
Faith in husband and support
For a man, it is necessary that his wife believes in him and provides support, which is most important in difficult periods of life. An ideal wife will not reproach her husband, mock or humiliate him because of his failures. Even in moments of his downfalls or her disappointments, she will love her husband as much as when he reached the top in business or social life.
As author Steve Harvey explains in Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man, the more a wife makes her husband feel exceptional and special, the more he will give back and work harder for the family. When a wife believes in her husband, his talents and strengths, the man rushes home, where he will always receive full support.
Loyalty
Family life is built on trust, and when the spouse is not faithful, misunderstandings, secrets, and mysteries arise between husband and wife. This leads to the destruction of relationships. As Psychologies notes, infidelity undermines a marriage and becomes a source of gossip and public discussion.
For example, cheating on a spouse caused the following couples to divorce:
- Keti Topuria and Lev Geykhman;
- Heidi Klum and Seal;
- Madonna and Guy Ritchie;
- Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd.
A woman’s fidelity is a signal to a man that he is her greatest value. This increases his self-esteem. For a man, female fidelity guarantees the birth of his natural children in marriage.
Accepting your husband's identity
Many wives seek to change character traits of their spouse that seem unattractive or unacceptable to them. This leads to conflicts.
As consulting psychologist and writer Tatsunari Iota writes in the book “She doesn’t explain, he doesn’t guess. The Japanese art of dialogue without quarrels,” the man understands that change requires significant effort and a lot of time from him. He subconsciously resists because he does not want to complicate his own life.
A good wife will be patient and accept her husband for who he is. If she wants changes, she will convey their advantages to him, wait patiently and praise him for his efforts.
How to become a good wife: Pixabay
Love for sex
In the minds of many women, a good wife should always be ready for sex with her husband. As psychotherapist Irina Vinnik explains, when a woman mechanically fulfills her marital duty, there is no real passion in the relationship. A man feels well the pretense and insincerity of his wife. In such a family, he has enough sex, but lacks unpredictability and emotions.
A family becomes strong if both spouses love sex and enjoy it. As psychoanalyst, professor David E. Scharff writes in the book “Sexual Relationships. Sex and family from the point of view of object relations theory,” intimacy serves as a support for many happy couples in difficult times.
Rule #5: Support him
Support your husband in everything. If he has a cold or a sore throat, do not downplay the severity of the illness. Pay attention to the man. Look after him. Prepare his favorite soup, offer him medicine. If his favorite team lost, sympathize with him. He will appreciate it. Remember to thank and praise your spouse whenever possible when he takes out the trash, mows the lawn, or hangs a picture on the wall. He should feel needed - and then he will feel good with you. Remember, behind every great man there is a woman who supported him! If you appreciate him, he will achieve great things! And if you believe in him, then he will believe in himself - and in you. He will want you to be proud of him. And you will be proud of it!
Rule #6: Let him win
You've fallen in love with a mansion you can't afford. He prefers to buy a smaller house so he can have money for furniture and a new car. You want to celebrate your tenth wedding anniversary in Paris according to the first category, he agrees, but does not talk about it again, and the eleventh anniversary is already around the corner. You want to have three children, two is enough for him. Should you insist on your own or let your husband win this argument? The answer is simple: “If it’s not vitally important to you, let your husband win.” Relationships are more important than the satisfaction of having your way. It's better to be happy than always right.
Article on the topic
Limit of love. How much intimacy should there be in marriage?
Rule #7: If something doesn't concern you, deal with it.
Every man has secrets that it is better not to ask him about. If these secrets are relatively harmless (unless they are drugs, alcoholism, gambling, adultery or tax evasion), do not demand that he tell you absolutely everything. You can give subtle hints or start a conversation, but if a man prefers to keep a secret, don't force him to share everything with you. After all, you also have your little secrets! Here are a few areas in which a man is best left alone: his relationship with his family, travel time from work to home, business secrets, his health, how much he sleeps and watches TV, how he dresses.
The ideal woman according to men
Men judge ideality through the prism of their own set of necessary qualities. Look at what they think a woman should be like who claims to be the ideal one? A survey of the male population in cities near and far abroad gives some male insight into this issue.
- A loving woman who deeply respects her man when he is worthy of respect.
- A thrifty, good wife who can create and maintain home comfort.
- Morally pure without a depraved past.
- Have a sense of self-worth that shows in her mannerisms. Be a beautiful soul.
- This is a woman who can make a man respect her. Making him appreciate her, afraid of losing his relationship with her.
- Smart as a man, beautiful as a girl, with the behavior of a lady from high society. Knows how to deal with people.
- Knows the tastes and preferences of her lover. She knows how to attract him with her image, which is the most beautiful for him.
- No bad habits, physically healthy. She does not hide behind bad habits from stress or difficult circumstances. This is the ideal woman through the eyes of men.
- Intellectually developed, able to use her intellect to analyze a situation in order to create, feel or invent.
- She is driven by the need to develop spiritually, to improve herself, and not by the desire to remake all the people around her. She is interested in constantly discovering something new in the people around her.
- The ideal one is the one who knows how to attract the attention of her man with her intelligence, upbringing, winning him with her gaze and smile.
- Not stupid or naive, but knowledgeable about life.
- Kind, patient, especially when there is a reason to get angry with children, husband, neighbors, relatives.
- She is open to experimentation, has enviable curves and a high IQ.
- With a good sense of humor, involved in charity work.
- She has her own opinion, is true to her principles, moderately strong and passionate about something.
- Honest, pleasant, ambitious, achieves her goals.
- She knows how to take care of herself and is able to combine being a housewife, mother and businesswoman.
- The ideal woman is faithful and devoted to a man, family values, and reliable for her lover.
- She loves joint adventures and recreation, active, cheerful.
Rule #8: Return his gifts less often.
Do not return your husband's gifts, even if you are firmly convinced that you will never use this thing! And if the gift is perfectly acceptable (you just wouldn’t choose that color or design for yourself), say you like it and save it to please your husband. It is better to sacrifice your own taste than to offend your partner.
“You don’t love me” and 10 more phrases that are better not to say to men
More details
Rule No. 9: Don't shout, speak calmly
When it comes to men, it's not so much what you say, but the tone in which you say it. Of course, most men prefer women to speak calmly. Say what you want to say quietly and you will immediately attract attention. But if you scream, your husband will simply disconnect from contact, psychologically or literally (hang up the phone or leave the room) - even if your cry is fair, honest and important.
Article on the topic
Does yelling mean he loves? How to quarrel and argue with lovers correctly
When you want to yell at your husband because he came home three hours later than he promised, or because he forgot to buy milk even though you reminded him about it twenty times, call your friend and tell her everything you were going to tell him. And when you calm down, you can talk to your husband.
Rule #11: He can say whatever he wants about his family. You - no!
You can choose your husband, but choosing his family is not in your power. Some women are lucky - their husbands' families accept them with open arms. Others end up with real wasp nests.
Article on the topic
Active listening technique, or How to get around family conflicts
Remember once and for all: you should never speak badly about his relatives, close or distant. If his family is truly terrible (evil, insignificant, insensitive and generally unpleasant), believe me, he knows it very well! He may even criticize his relatives from time to time, and this is normal - this is his family. But he won't want to hear that from anyone else, especially you.
Rule #12: Have date nights
Whether you have children or not (and even more so if you do!), you should keep the romance in your relationship. Set aside one evening exclusively for your husband - preferably a Saturday. And it doesn’t really matter whether you rent a video and order food home or go to a restaurant and a movie. The main thing is to make this evening belong only to the two of you. Invite a nanny to babysit or send the children to grandma's. You need one evening without diapers, whining, phone calls, washing dishes, family squabbles, problems with friends, colleagues and clients.
Loyalty.
She is faithful. I will dispense with comments about venereal bouquets and broken families.
There is one more important factor, the most important! It's how compatible you are with each other. You can search for the ideal young lady for a long time, but you will see that every girl has her own cockroaches. You don't have to look for the perfect one. Just find one whose cockroaches make friends with yours. This is the key to a successful relationship.
And remember the main thing: that only a good husband can have a good wife. She doesn't have to look beautiful, cook deliciously and take care of you. She really, truly wants to do this. And these are two different things.
Rule #13: Rules of Sex
Whether you like it or not, whether you think it's fair or not, your sex life is determined by your husband. Whether your husband wants sex all the time or isn't interested in it at all, you'll be much happier if you accommodate him. Don't refuse your husband if he wants sex every night, even if you are a morning person. Don't demand sex from a husband who wants to watch a TV show or read a book after dinner. Go with the flow - whatever it is in your marriage.
Article on the topic
"Empty nest syndrome" How to save a marriage when the children are grown?
Rule #14: Don't complain about your kids.
Your three-year-old son is rolling around in the mud and refuses to wash himself. Your five-year-old daughter doesn't want to eat anything but sweets. Both prevent you from talking on the phone for more than five minutes. You want to tear your hair out in despair and can’t wait for your husband to finally return so you can tell him in every detail what his children did that day. But this is not the best idea.
Instead, call a friend who has children and tell her about your difficult day. She will understand all your hardships and sorrows much better - and maybe even help in some way. Of course, there is nothing wrong with telling your husband how your children behaved. But if you start talking about every prank, every trick, then at some point (believe me!) your husband will simply stop communicating with you and begin to consider you a bad mother.
Atmosphere in the house
For a man, home is a place of rest.
This is where he should relax after a hard day. And it is the spouse who should create the right atmosphere. For a long time, women have been the guardians of home comfort. This is how it must continue. The husband should know: they are eagerly waiting for him at home to sympathize, caress and feed him a delicious dinner. An ideal wife should not reproach her husband right away. First you need to create a cozy environment, ask about problems, smile and sympathize. Only after this can you start talking about troubling issues. But even this should be done in a gentle manner.
The wife should always keep order in the house, maintain cleanliness and comfort. Fresh bed linen, clean ironed shirts, peace and quiet - this is what a spouse should see in his apartment.
Rule No. 15: Don’t blame him for something you knew very well when you married him.
My husband drinks or eats too much. He earns little or, on the contrary, he is a workaholic who disappears all the time in the office. He likes to flirt or, conversely, does not show much interest in sex. He is a spender or a miser. When he courted you, you turned a blind eye to his shortcomings and idiosyncrasies because you wanted him to marry you. You may have secretly thought that you could change it. Understand that by getting married, you accepted this man for who he is, with all his strengths and weaknesses. And you must be responsible for your own decision. When you stop playing the victim (“Look at what I have to put up with, poor, miserable me!”), you can calm down and deal with your problems like an adult. Adults accept life and people as they are. They say there are no victims, only volunteers. Remember: you married him yourself!
You might be interested in: What is a marriage contract and how to draw it up →
