“I would forget the taverns forever
And I would have given up writing poetry.
Just touch your hand subtly
And your hair is the color of autumn..."
Lines from Sergei Yesenin’s poem so accurately describe this state - when the heart beats, bursting out of the chest, and love covers a wave of admiration and delight from the other half. Willingness to turn your life upside down, just to be closer and see each other more often, to move mountains for the sake of one smile and a response look, shrouded in the haze of love. This is the best time of a relationship between two people, so how long does the candy-bouquet period last?
Stages of the candy-bouquet period
Psychologists compare the beginning of this period to intoxication. It seems to lovers that they cannot live without each other for a day. Hormones are raging, the world is seen in rainbow colors, there is strength for many achievements. And you think that you have definitely met your soul mate. How do such emotions arise?
- First stage.
It is also called “blind love”. The partners are crazy about each other. They are ready to make dates every day. And it doesn’t matter where they meet: in the park or at the station. Lovers just want to enjoy and immerse themselves even more in euphoria. - Second phase.
At this stage of the candy-bouquet period in a relationship, the girl does not care whether her beloved calls first or not. She herself copes well with the role of initiator. All stereotypes fade into the background. The lady sees nothing wrong with chatting on the phone with her beloved. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. After all, excessive intrusiveness can push the gentleman away. - Third stage.
The duration of this stage of the candy-bouquet period is longer than the others. Partners slowly let each other into their lives and introduce each other to friends and family. Many people's rose-colored glasses fall off. You will learn more about your chosen one’s environment. Some you like, some not so much. Naturally, you look at your loved one differently.
Patience and respect
When the candy-bouquet period and the next two have passed, the dominant role is occupied by the stage of patience. According to it, disagreements and quarrels between partners, of course, happen, but they are no longer endowed with such a fatal character, because both are confident that the quarrel will end - and everything will return to normal. By the way, when partners make some efforts related to the development of patience, along with the latter comes wisdom, which is very important today.
The fifth stage is the stage of respect or duty. It is important to add that this is also the first stage of high feeling. By the way, in reality there was no love before this. At this stage, human egoism seems to fall asleep, everyone begins to sincerely think and care about their partner. It’s so nice to do something for the benefit of a loved one!
How to understand that the candy-bouquet period has passed
You will feel it yourself. For example, you will more calmly endure a day without your loved one. Or you will begin to calmly go about your business without the participation of your chosen one. Frederic Beigbeder, author of the book “Love Lives for 3 Years,” argued that you can enjoy a romantic relationship for three years. And then the routine.
But you understand that this is not an axiom. In fact, it is difficult to predict when the candy-bouquet period will end. However, there are universal signs that the passions have gradually subsided.
- Domestic disagreements.
As soon as the hormonal levels return to normal, you suddenly notice that your partner is untidy, he snores and does not clean up the dishes. This is the beginning of “grinding in” to each other. He also sees all your shortcomings. Don't be upset. All partners undergo everyday life tests. Some are successful, some are not so successful. - Comparison with past relationships
. After the candy-bouquet period, many men and women involuntarily rely on previous experience. It's like they're testing themselves. For example, girls often conduct an internal monologue. “What was it like with your ex?”, “Did I experience the same feelings when I saw him every day?” - The desire to remake the chosen one.
When the blinders come off, you see that this is not the hero of your novel. But the attachment seems to have formed, and you don’t want to part because of some nonsense. Immediately there is a need to “make it out of what is.” It is unclear how long the candy-bouquet period will last. But I want to fight the shortcomings of my loved one now. - Lack of strong sexual desire.
But let me make a reservation right away that this is a completely normal phenomenon. The physical attraction and passion that existed at the beginning of the relationship are gradually replaced by the desire to care and communicate spiritually. In other words, emotional intimacy comes to the fore. - The need for personal space
. When the “butterflies in your stomach” have calmed down a little, you sometimes begin to get annoyed by the constant presence of your beloved. You realize that you want to be alone, go for a walk with a friend, or read a book. Men have a similar desire. What to do if the candy-bouquet period is over? But the relationship continues.
Next, I will tell you about simple ways to bring back romance and former passion if you feel that boredom has reigned in your couple.
Friendship and love
The sixth stage in the development of relationships between a man and a woman is strong friendship. How amazing is the feeling when people become truly close! They trust each other. That is why friendship is considered a very serious preparation for true love, because no love can survive without trust for a year.
The seventh (and final) stage on such a bright path to perfection is true love. You need to know that real feeling is not easy. It takes a very long time to get there. It is important to note that learning to love occurs through all kinds of life situations that find a place in close and long-term relationships. A true feeling is not at all something that suddenly falls on a person’s head. Although some people believe that this is exactly what happens in life. For adult, true love, a person matures through the renunciation of selfishness and his own prejudices. Perhaps this is the most important thing, without which it is impossible to love.
People choose a wife or husband, but in order to experience a sublime feeling in family life, it is necessary to get to know each other well, then become friends and only then fall in love. Today, many couples confuse the candy-bouquet period with love. However, as soon as romance and brightness leave them, and rose-colored glasses are broken, the first tests in terms of relationships and the first difficulties begin, which not everyone can overcome. Often they believe that this love has passed, which is very funny and absurd.
How to return the candy-bouquet period
It’s easier for girls to “reboot” relationships. You have all the “trump cards” for this: natural femininity, empathy, wisdom.
Start with yourself
It is selfish to expect your gentleman to always pamper you and give you surprises. Take the initiative. Surprise your loved one with spontaneous joys. For example, take time off from work early and organize a trip to an amusement park or a movie. It all depends on your imagination and creativity.
Thank your partner
Warm words inspire a man to do great things and instill confidence in him. Let's say a partner quickly realizes that there is an always dissatisfied lady next to him. How long do you think the candy-bouquet period will last? Perhaps just a couple of months. So if you want novelty and lightness to reign in a couple for as long as possible, give compliments and thank your partner for every little thing.
Play cat and mouse
Representatives of the stronger sex really dislike boredom in relationships. As soon as a man realizes that you have disappeared into him, he immediately loses interest. When one of the partners falls into love addiction, this is a road to nowhere. Your task is to constantly warm up the feelings of your chosen one. But not with the help of manipulation and claims, but in a feminine way.
Take care of yourself, meet with friends, don’t forget about your hobbies. As soon as a man feels that you have begun to move away, his testosterone will immediately increase. Voila - and before you again is a passionate “macho” who is ready to do the craziest things.
And, of course, use your main weapon - flirting. In the online course “The Art of Female Flirting,” we analyze the most effective tricks. How to constantly keep your lover's attention? What can you say to make your partner fulfill all your desires? How to behave in order to build an ideal love relationship? Answers on the course by Pavel Rakov.
In the meantime, I invite you to discuss the topic of the article. Is it possible to maintain passion and intrigue in a relationship after the candy-bouquet period?
Hormonal storm
The man literally “lost his head” from love. Circumstances just turned out well. Perhaps you experienced an exciting adventure together, met on the “appropriate” day of your cycle, fell into his type, in short, a man’s hormones are playing. He is sincerely ready to bring the whole world to your feet, just to be with you as often and as close as possible. Since such a state activates all systems of the body, it is a huge stress, and a person cannot be in it all the time.
Sooner or later, the man will return to normal and begin to think and act more soberly. That's when the real acquaintance begins. You will no longer be constantly in the center of his attention and occupy all his thoughts. This, of course, can be perceived as rejection, but it is not. On the contrary, coming out of the merger allows partners to build a much healthier relationship in which there is room for two unique individuals, not only in their similarities, but also in their differences.
Criteria for evaluating women
– All men also have one secret passion for a woman. It’s not even sex, but the desire that she “not blow his mind,” says Lyudmila. – Life is much more comfortable with a calm, non-critical woman, even if she is incompetent at housekeeping. You can learn how to bake pancakes, but not everyone can avoid reproaches against their husband.
What else do men expect from their chosen one:
1. To talk less about everything and with everyone, and not wash dirty linen in public.
2. So as not to complain, whine or be negative. Men love women who are positive and easy-going.
3. So that you don’t stir up your past and don’t drag memories of previous men with you into your present relationship.
4. So as not to force a man to constantly share his feelings, let him feel what he wants.
5. To be faithful and sexually responsive.
6. To be beautiful and attractive, to be able to present yourself. How she thinks about herself will determine how a man will think about her. Is she worthy of gifts, attention, compliments?
Mistakes that women make
– According to statistics, for ten girls there are nine guys, as they say. Therefore, women are very afraid of remaining alone for the rest of their days, they start relationships with low-quality men, they suffer, they endure,” sums up Lyudmila Kiselenok. – But there is no need to be afraid, because according to the same statistics, several thousand men get divorced every year. There are some successful ones among them. We need to find someone who is compatible on a mental level. It is important that goals, interests, views on life, on raising children, on attitude towards parents and even daily routine coincide. If this is not the case, the first signal is: “not your man.”
Even successful men often disappear after a few dates. It is important to figure out: is the reason in him or in you? If he himself realized in time that he does not want or is afraid of a relationship, let him go, it is not yours.
Sometimes the woman herself, without noticing it, makes mistakes that repel her partner:
- Shows a constant need for something, self-doubt, anxiety, fears.
- He is the initiator of any enterprise: it is not the man who looks after the woman, but she who looks after him.
- Asks a lot during the dating stage.
- He convinces and persuades a man to do even what he doesn’t want.
- Everywhere she pays the bills herself.
5 sex mistakes women make
If your boyfriend has disappeared from your horizon, you should not humiliate yourself and pursue him. Successful men respect successful women. Therefore, you should not run after him, but think about yourself, achieve success in one area or another of your life. And let him understand what a purposeful lady he is losing.
A true lady must love herself, then she is interesting and worthy of attention. If he doesn’t love himself, he will become a subject of manipulation. You always need to find the strength to end first a meaningless relationship that has no future. It’s better to have two months of pain than several wasted years.
If you have good compatibility on the mental, emotional and sexual levels, but disagreements and disagreements occur, remember that men need recharge in the form of praise and compliments. A true macho man should feel close to his beloved superhero, the only one who can solve all her problems. Only a woman can create this state and emotional background in the family.
Three types of compatibility
“Scientists have conducted MRI studies of the brains of lovers,” continues the Gestalt therapist. – The tomogram showed that the areas responsible for critical thinking do not work for them. But sooner or later the rose-colored glasses will fall off. Many couples begin to live together, take a closer look at each other in everyday life, and judge each other by their actions and behavior. That's when critical thinking comes into play. And everything would be fine, love would “step over” to the next stage if there had been compatibility at the mental level from the beginning.
There are three types of compatibility:
- Sexy.
- Emotional.
- Mental.
We have already talked about the first two. Communication with the object of desire evokes emotions, it is comfortable, calm, and one is drawn to him. The mental one is determined by the fact that it is interesting to talk with this person, there are common hobbies, goals, views on life, and approximately the same intellectual level. It's even better when the man is smarter. A woman is by nature more flexible and will strive to “grow” to his level. If there is mental and emotional compatibility, you can agree on good sex. If only emotional and sexual, you will experience violent emotions that are not supported by anything in reality. At the physiological level it is easy to find a man, but at the mental level they often find someone who is not the right one.
How and where to meet a worthy man
How to choose a man for a serious relationship
How to get married successfully? Psychologist's advice
Criteria for evaluating men
– With all the adoration of your chosen one, the euphoria from his mind-blowing compliments, excellent sex (and it seems like “he’s not a fool yet”), you need to consider the following:
A man must be successful. By about 27 years old, he should have a car and some kind of housing, even rented, as well as the desire to earn money for further material development. There are enough gigolos and parasites. If by the age of 40 you have nothing of your own, consider yourself to have wasted your years in vain. He may say that he is currently living with his parents, but he is going to take out a loan and buy an apartment. You can gather for decades. It’s worse if a woman, out of pity, lets you live in her apartment and allows you to drive your car. If you already have everything, the desire to make money on real estate loses its meaning.
A truly successful man must provide his own territory for living. Even if a young family takes out a mortgage together, he must pay it.
A successful man always has a hobby. Success is determined by growth not only in work, but in various fields of activity, be it sports, fishing, hunting, dog breeding, tourism, charity, collecting, visiting theaters, cinema, dancing, gardening, computers, politics, reading books. If there is no hobby, it means that after work the man comes home, collapses on the sofa in front of the TV (worse when with beer) and watches everything. It's good when a couple has common interests and hobbies.
His circle of friends. Friends should be about the same level as him. It’s better when they are higher in status and position. This means he has room to grow. It is also important to observe the time spent together. Successful men will not waste time; if there are any moments of relaxation at barbecues, they are not protracted.
His attitude towards his parents (respects and honors them). This attitude determines what kind of father he will become, whether he will be able to instill in his children respect for their elders. The attitude towards your mother can become an indicator of the attitude towards your future wife.
The result of a romantic relationship should be an offer to marry him. If he doesn’t call, doesn’t want, puts it off, it means he can’t take responsibility for another.
