My husband constantly lies: how to correct the situation and save the marriage ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

“He lies like he breathes” - for some men, such a statement is more than true.
They are so used to lying at every turn that they do it with or without reason. Most of the men who tell lies are married, who have become in the habit of concealing the real state of affairs from their legal spouses. Moreover, a man’s lie is not necessarily connected with betrayal or the actual salary figure. But even in this case, the wife should start to worry, try to understand why her husband is constantly lying, and decide how to deal with it. From this article you will learn:

Why does my husband always lie?
What types of husbands are there who like to lie?
What to do if your husband constantly lies about little things
How to understand that a husband is constantly lying to his wife and determine the presence of a mistress
How to regain trust if you decide to forgive your husband who constantly lies
How to teach your spouse to tell the truth

Why does my husband always lie?

All people are different, and everyone has their own opinion about lying. Some believe that white lies are sometimes simply necessary. Others do not condone lying under any circumstances. Voltaire, for example, was an adherent of the first point of view, Kant - the second. But theory is theory, what should a woman do if her husband constantly lies? After all, such behavior of a spouse, whatever one may say, brings severe emotional suffering.

What to do in such a situation? The most important thing here is to try to calm down. If this is not done in time, then the situation can only worsen - with the same scandals. You need to think things over coldly and try to understand how often your spouse tells lies. Constantly or occasionally? And what is the reason for this?

In fact, the habit of deceit is born in a person almost from the first years of life. A child who was punished for the slightest reason tried to avoid it. How can you achieve what you want if not with the help of lies? By the way, this method of “protection” is often used in practice by fully grown, accomplished people.

Does your husband lie all the time? Calmly think about the situation. Find out how things are. There are two possible options:

The spouse deceives everyone all the time, he simply cannot live without it. Constantly lies to his boss, lies to his friends, lies to you. Perhaps even he realizes the wrongness of his behavior, but is unable to solve the problem on his own. And in this case, only consultation with a specialist will help. A psychotherapist or psychiatrist will determine the cause of this tendency to lie and begin treatment.
The second option is that your spouse is lying exclusively to you. This means that there is some reason for such behavior. You may be overly controlling of your husband. Where there is no trust, lies are born. And here it is already useless to seek the advice of a psychologist. To radically change the situation, you need to start with yourself.

If your husband is only deceiving you, there must be reasons for this too. The main ones are the following:

The desire to maintain peace in the family. Some questions asked by your beloved spouse simply cannot be answered honestly. Otherwise, she will be offended, or even start a scandal. Think about how many husbands admit that the dress does not suit the missus at all or does it make her look fat? Or does it make you look like a woman with reduced social responsibility? It’s not difficult to fight this kind of lie: you just need to let your husband know that you can take criticism normally, without a rolling pin in your hands.
Another reason why your husband constantly lies is his desire to look better in your eyes than he really is. For example, more successful, smart, talented. How to prevent your spouse from inventing non-existent achievements? Very simple. Try to support him in all his endeavors. And if criticism is required, then it should be friendly, without comparisons like “Vasya only completed eight grades, but earns sixteen times more than you.” Your husband may not change his attitude towards Vasya, but he will not forgive you for such claims. And in order not to hear such an assessment next time, he will prefer to lie rather than tell the truth.
Restriction of the husband’s freedom is another good reason for his constant lies. Not a single man in his right mind would admit to his wife that he was drinking in the garage with friends, because this would inevitably be followed by a scandal. It’s easier to come up with an important meeting with partners.
Almost from the same series is the husband’s constant lies because his wife is against his meetings with friends. It would be safer to “stay late at work” than to “have a couple of beers” at the bar. Everyone is calmer.

If you start respecting a man and not limiting his personal space (within reason, of course), then the benefits of such behavior will appear almost immediately. The husband will stop constantly lying, because he will have no reason to do it. Most men prefer to see their wife not as a strict mother, but as a loyal friend.

Why men constantly lie, watch the next video

• Internal immaturity affects

Most often, this quality is triggered when a partner lies out of nowhere: he drank tea, but said it was coffee; I went to a friend’s barbecue, but let it slip that a part-time job had turned up; I bought a gift for 2 thousand rubles, but embellished that I spent 3 thousand. Why does this happen? Most likely, he grew up in a family where his parents strictly controlled his daily routine, what he did, where he went for walks, with whom? For each of his liberties he got a good deal. And when he grew up, he remained a little boy who was afraid of his wife’s anger, out of habit dodging out of nowhere.

How to expose a husband who constantly lies

Are you one hundred percent sure that your husband constantly lies, even about small things, but you have no idea how to bring him to light? Use logic and attention. In fact, playing Sherlock Holmes is not that difficult. Pay attention even to small details in your spouse’s stories, try to remember them or even write them down.

Pathological liars are usually very good at their job. Their stories are logical and consistent. But even in them, sooner or later, various kinds of inconsistencies appear.

In addition, the truth about your spouse can be heard in a friendly company. And if this truth does not suit a man in any way, he will have to come up with various excuses. And doing this right away is not so easy.

A pathological liar can be easily identified by the following signs:

He is constantly confused in his “testimonies”.
Some points in the stories contradict each other. But if you notice this, then resentment cannot be avoided.
Often such a man behaves secretly and withdrawn
. His friends can be counted on one hand - simply because they do not correspond to the picture of the world invented by the liar. People who are used to constantly lying love to give advice to others, and it is extremely rare that this advice turns out to be effective.
People who lie constantly have no problem making up new facts on the fly
. And they do it so skillfully that you unconditionally believe them.

There are situations when a husband constantly lies, but at the same time you understand that he is doing this for a reason, and the person needs help. What to do in this case?

Make it a rule to record your conversations, preferably not even in a notebook, but on a voice recorder, so that your husband does not have the opportunity to refuse his words.
Having exposed your spouse in a lie, be sure to ask for what purpose he lied.
Always listen carefully to the person - precisely in order to catch him in deception. Don’t believe constant excuses, look for weak points in the story written for you. And be sure to get ready for the fact that, on top of everything else, you will also be accused of unbelief.

Why is all this needed? The fact is that this manner of behavior will help you determine exactly what kind of liar a man is. You will understand the reasons for what is happening and will be able to say for sure whether this behavior is dangerous for your marriage.

• He seeks justification for his addictions

If you can’t shake the feeling that your partner is lying on purpose to provoke you into a scandal and discourage you from communicating with him, you can think in the right direction. It is important to understand the reason why a man lies and why? Maybe he is looking for privacy that you are not giving? Avoids sex, your company, any obligations? Finally, he may simply be looking for an excuse to leave home and indulge in bad habits - drinking, smoking, going to nightclubs. That is why pay attention to what follows a family conflict, whether the man receives any bonuses.

Types of husbands who like to lie

Deception on the part of a loved one cannot be liked by definition. Moreover, it can give rise to a storm of indignation, scandal and, in some cases, even separation. How can you live with someone you don't trust? But even if the husband constantly lies, the relationship can still be saved. The main thing is not to accuse him of all mortal sins at once, but to sit down and calmly think about what can be done in this case.

First of all, try to find out how often your husband lies to you and for what reason he does it. According to psychologists, there are three “varieties” of the situation:

Easy fibbing on little things.
Does your husband constantly lie about little things? Well, yes, it’s unpleasant, but is it worth sorting things out with quarrels and scandals? Perhaps your spouse simply has a well-developed imagination? Why not let the man you love lie, especially if it doesn’t harm anyone? Did he catch a fish that was not as big as he boasts, and in general, did he buy it at the market? Did you collect not two buckets of mushrooms, but half a basket? Don’t offend your spouse, play along with him, or even turn it into a joke. You'll see, this will only benefit the relationship. Things are more complicated with his love adventures, which, of course, happened before you. It’s not very pleasant to constantly hear this from your own spouse. In this case, it is better to remain silent, but under no circumstances doubt his masculine strength, extraordinary charisma and powerful brutality. Such mistrust hurts one’s pride, and a man will not forgive it.
Pathological liar.
What to do if your husband constantly lies? The psychology of his behavior can be explained quite simply: he is a pathological liar. This means that appropriate measures should be taken. According to experts, people who constantly deceive themselves sincerely believe in their fables. In most cases, this happens because the person has too low self-esteem. A man constantly lies not only to his wife. Colleagues, boss, friends and even just acquaintances are also victims of his deception. This behavior is largely explained by the conditions of upbringing. Perhaps the person simply had to hide his mistakes, otherwise punishment from his parents was inevitable. No wonder they say that many men never grow up. The pattern of behavior learned in childhood continues into adulthood. By the way, a man could develop the habit of constantly lying “thanks to” constant control from his ex-wife or mistress. The person did not want problems in the relationship and chose a similar way to avoid them. In order for a pathological liar to stop lying at every step, he needs the help of a qualified specialist. You are unlikely to be able to change the situation for the better on your own.
The husband only lies to his wife.
A similar situation occurs all the time. And here, in most cases, it is not the man’s character or the peculiarities of his upbringing in childhood that is to blame, but family relationships. And they need to be changed first.

• He is dependent on the opinions of others

This behavioral disorder is characteristic of men with low self-esteem who seek to gain the approval of others in any way. What are they doing? They begin to ascribe to themselves non-existent virtues, which are an exaggeration or theft of other people's merits. “Yes, this millionaire and I studied at the same school, he copied my test!” “I could have become a great artist, but I chose family...” “Dedicated ten years to science! So what if he worked as a cleaner?” Moreover, they want their fantasies to come true, so they correct reality in such a childish way.

What to do if your husband constantly lies about little things

It is especially unpleasant when the spouse lies and does not see anything criminal in his behavior. This is doubly offensive. You can, of course, start to control your spouse or try to pretend to be Miss Marple. But what if you don't like these methods? How to stop your husband from constantly lying, using more “gentle” methods?

First of all, remember that no successful marriage is possible without full communication. Sometimes even major scandals can be avoided if you just sit down and talk calmly with your husband. Some might say that this method of solving problems is extremely banal. However, it is not. At a minimum, during the conversation you will be able to find out the reason why your husband constantly lies to you.

Of course, it may also happen that the spouse simply refuses to discuss this topic. This is unlikely to lead to an immediate divorce, but trust will be completely lost. And here there are only two ways out of this situation: either accept reality as it is, or think hard about the future of your relationship with your spouse.

Changing another person, and especially a man, is incredibly difficult. In most cases, this is simply unrealistic. But there is always the opportunity to change yourself. Talk to your husband about his constant lying and see if his behavior has changed for the better. Has he stopped lying to you at every turn or has he simply become much more cunning? Does he even want to start working on himself? Or did you prefer to forget about the conversation?

Sometimes a husband constantly lies simply because he cannot do otherwise. And no preventative conversations asking you to change for the better will help here. There are situations when only special therapies can correct the situation. The main thing is that the person really wants to solve the problem.

The desire for pathological lies in psychology is called Munchausen syndrome

. That is, by and large, it is a disease. And many diseases can be cured.

Contact a specialist

Psychology notes that a large number of girls are tormented by the question: why does her husband cheat? Psychology experts note that constant lying can cause addiction. It will be possible to get rid of it only by undergoing special therapies. In some cases, people may seem to enjoy lying, but this is not the case. More often, they cannot overcome their dependence on an addiction, which is why they often suffer from it, and cause themselves mental pain by deceiving their loved ones.

Psychiatry defines pathological lying as Munchausen syndrome. Therefore, you should not run to the registry office with a divorce application. Try to figure out what is causing the lies. It may be that this is a mental or emotional trauma received in distant childhood. This applies not only to men, but also to women.

Humiliation and insults from parents and other relatives can lead to this result. When a child is constantly criticized, he tries to assert himself at the expense of the weaker. The sad experience of relationships and rejection by people around him leaves a strong imprint on a person’s psyche. This is where the craving for deception manifests itself. In most cases, a woman does not even realize that she can marry a man prone to pseudology.

How to learn to understand a man: the basis of male psychology

How to understand that a husband is constantly lying to his wife and determine the presence of a mistress

Marital fidelity is one of the pillars on which a strong family stands. When a husband constantly cheats and lies about it, this behavior can keep the marriage afloat for a while. But as a result, everything secret becomes clear. And if some women are still able to forgive infidelity, then regular lies about the fact of infidelity leave them no choice but to get a divorce.

However, by some signs it is still possible to determine at an early stage whether a spouse has a mistress or not.

An unexpected desire to dress well and beautifully
. The famous American divorce lawyer Merlin Stowe believes that if a man suddenly begins to pay attention to his appearance (even though he had not paid much attention to it before) this is a sure sign of betrayal. If a man has taken care of himself in this regard before, then it is too early to sound the alarm. Perhaps he simply decided to do it more carefully.
The desire to keep a mobile phone with you at all times.
It is possible that the man needs this for work. Or he's preparing a surprise for your dog's birthday. But the possibility that your husband is hiding something from you cannot be discounted either.
There are no secrets in an ideal relationship between a man and a woman. But this only happens in a fairy tale, and before the main characters begin their family life. In fact, no one has canceled such a concept as personal space. However, everything is good in moderation. And a password that suddenly appears on the desktop, hidden, protected folders and files on a mobile phone
can tell an attentive woman a lot. Of course, if she is not the wife of an FSB colonel.
Women's names or names often pop up in your husband's conversation.
Even a husband who is constantly accustomed to lying and has achieved perfection in this matter is not able to control himself constantly. If he likes a woman, then her name will come up in conversation one way or another. And here urgent measures should be taken before this name begins to randomly appear in the marital bed.
Lack or sharp drop in sexual interest in you.
A sharp drop in a husband's libido is also a reason to suspect him of cheating. If a man no longer wants you, something is clearly wrong. However, in the latter case, not everything is so simple. The reason for such behavior of the spouse may not be that he has taken a mistress. It may be hidden within you. A woman who has become bored with her, who has stopped taking care of herself and has lost her external attractiveness over time is unlikely to be able to attract a man sexually.

Treason is the worst lie

The situations listed above are upsetting and upsetting, but most women can tolerate them.
But when a precedent arises that the husband has cheated and is lying, then this is already very serious and is a true betrayal. If we are talking about a single betrayal and the husband considers it a big mistake, then some women manage to forgive and save the relationship.

And if the spouse cheats constantly, then there is little hope for maintaining a happy marriage. Only a huge amount of work on the relationship, which both spouses will do, will help save him. A good option would be a visit to a family psychologist.

How to regain trust and love if you decide to forgive your husband who constantly lies

There are three main exits here. You can file for divorce. You can bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing is happening. Or you can start fighting for your happiness.

You cannot live only in the past; you need to think about the future. And this means that the time has come to take some steps.

If there are problems in the family, you need to solve them, and not hope that everything will resolve itself. Husband constantly lies, cheats, but doesn’t leave? This does not mean that this will always be the case and that we must come to terms with the situation. It's time to take your destiny into your own hands.

There are several excellent ways to resolve a conflict without leading to a scandal, or even the decision to “stay with mom.” How to behave correctly in such a situation?

To start, just talk.

More precisely, talking will be the second stage. The first step is to calm down, sit down and think everything through. It's never too late to start a fight. But maybe it would be more useful to properly prepare for the conversation?

First, you should try to restore emotional intimacy with your husband. An invisible wall that has arisen between spouses will not promote mutual understanding, and one may not expect positive results from a heart-to-heart conversation. Try to get your husband to trust you again, especially if this feeling has long been lost.

Don't cling to stereotypes, feel free to break them. After this, there will be a great chance that you will see your loved one with different eyes, and he will begin to treat you as he has never treated you before.

And remember: if your husband constantly lies, then one conversation on this slippery topic will not be enough. After some time, you will have to talk again, and then again and again.

Someone will ask: why a lot of conversations if all the complaints can be clearly expressed in 15 minutes, and then just see what happens?

The fact is that at one time you simply cannot convince your husband that it is time to change something in the relationship. Men are generally designed in such a way that they quickly forget everything, and even more so the things that are unpleasant for them. Whereas a woman constantly turns everything over in her head, cannot get rid of obsessive thoughts, and experiences moments of resentment again and again.

If a husband - even without any ulterior motive - told his wife five years ago that short skirts do not suit her, he will remember such a phrase for a very, very long time. Perhaps even until the end of life. It would seem that the matter is not worth a penny, but such is female psychology, and nothing can be done about it.

The most interesting thing is that the man has long forgotten about what happened as a trifle that does not matter to anyone. And then suddenly, during another quarrel, the wife remembers his “jamb.” And how should one react to this? If it’s wrong, then the woman’s resentment will only intensify, and her attitude towards her husband will, even if only slightly, worsen.

Women in general are emotional creatures. Representatives of the stronger sex sometimes simply do not understand what is going on in the heads of their loved ones. And men need to watch their words especially closely, because any statement, even the most innocent at first glance, can cause offense.

And then one can only wonder why the wife does not show the same tenderness as before, why the beloved husband suddenly turned from a “cat” or “elephant” into something with horns and hooves. Men perceive such female coldness very painfully.

People who live side by side for a long time begin to accumulate complaints against each other - and nothing can be done about it. She accused him of excessive addiction to alcohol; he did not notice her new hairstyle. The reasons may be different, but the result is the same: the once strong relationship is cracking.

Spouses isolate themselves from each other, for example, through work or hobbies. People literally become strangers and live next to each other largely due to habit.

If nothing is done in this situation, then the crack in the relationship will eventually turn into an abyss that will never be overcome. Therefore, we must try to correct the situation before it is too late. In this particular case, sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk.

At the same time, whatever the reason for the urgent conversation, it is necessary to conduct it as calmly as possible, without mutual accusations and, especially, scandals. Look into each other's eyes, hold hands and, perhaps, you will take the first step towards the relationship that you had once upon a time. Love can not only be won, but also returned. The main thing is to try really hard for it.

By the way, there is no need to return to the topic of conversation the next day or a week later. It takes some time to realize everything. And even if the conflict arose over a trifle, a person still must carefully think about the situation. Only in this way will he be able to draw the right conclusions from what happened and begin to restore relationships.

Get ready for the next conversation
.

Does your husband constantly lie about money, drink, and perhaps even have a mistress? Quite a lot of real grievances and unfounded suspicions can accumulate over the years lived together. Sometimes there is so much that you don’t even know where to start. In such a situation, it is better to take a pen and paper and write everything down point by point.

Moreover, it is good if both spouses do this. This practice will allow you to avoid unfounded accusations and provoke a family scandal.

If you remember, there were more than enough unpleasant moments in life. You tried to forget about some of them, while others have disappeared from your memory. But, unfortunately, they have not gone away. And they can emerge from the depths of the mind at the most inopportune moment.

To prevent such things from completely ruining your life, you need to get rid of them. And this can be done, again, with the help of a carefully prepared conversation.

Your husband drank and lied constantly, and you endured it in silence? Were you afraid of losing your loved one or simply not ready to start a new life with someone else? Much here, of course, depends on the character of the person. It is quite difficult to get a phlegmatic person out of his temper, but a choleric person flares up literally from one spark. The result is a scandal, divorce and a maiden name. Or an emotional breakdown, tears and - for the umpteenth time! - fragile peace in the family.

If you unfairly insulted your spouse, of course, you should apologize to him. Even in cases where the offense was completely accidental. And if he sincerely forgives you, you don’t have to think about what happened anymore. Or remember it exclusively with humor.

Make a list of mutual complaints.

This is not quite the same as a list of grievances. Although, of course, the items on these lists may coincide. For example, if your husband constantly lies, then this is both a complaint and an insult at the same time.

But be careful about listing the qualities you don't like in your life partner. There are some moments you simply cannot tolerate, but you can reluctantly accept some of your husband’s weaknesses. The key is to be honest when making your list. Perhaps your spouse doesn’t even suspect that some things just piss you off.

After all, everyone understands love in their own way. Some men are crazy when they are called “cats” and “babies”. Others can't stand it. Some husbands want to be greeted at the door when they come home from work. Others understand that the wife is currently in the kitchen, trying, preparing dinner for him, and she simply doesn’t have time for any nonsense.

The wife has her own desires. Some people like to be cuddled and hugged as if the wedding has not yet taken place and the child has not yet been born. Others think exclusively about the career of a businesswoman and consider various kinds of “calf tenderness” to be a waste of time.

Once each spouse has written their wishes on paper, it is time to discuss it all.

The most dangerous part of therapy, where you need to act extremely carefully. It may well happen that both spouses “risk” learning a lot of new things about themselves.

For example, a wife may not suspect that her husband does not like the amount of cosmetics she uses. And the husband himself, it turns out, is constantly lying - and doesn’t even know it. The wife expects gratitude for her daily kitchen exploits. A man considers housework to be his wife’s sacred duty, but he himself does not understand why he is not praised for helping in his mother-in-law’s garden.

Sometimes the situation can be straightened out with a properly conducted conversation. But there are often cases when one conversation is clearly not enough - after all, the spouses face such problems in the relationship that they have never even dreamed of.

In this situation, it would be nice to find a topic that is close to both. You can talk about a future vacation or about children, about parents or a shared hobby. The main thing here is not to spend the evening in silence.

Try to understand your thoughts and feelings. This will make you more emotionally stable. If you discuss disturbing things with your husband, this will certainly help you find a common language on slippery issues.

If you still have at least a drop of love for your husband, do not rush to radically change your life by looking for a man on the side. Perhaps it's not too late to fix everything.

Start doing everything together: relaxing, cleaning the house, cooking. In this case, the chance that old feelings will return is very high.

And one more piece of advice. Don't expose your family relationships to your friends' judgment. Firstly, all people are different - and your friend’s life experience will not help you. Secondly, even best friends can be frenemies. And it’s not a fact that they actually want only the best for you.

What men really need from women, watch the following video:

Coolidge effect

For some people, the passion and intensity of sex is extremely important and rewarding, and can sometimes be addictive. And in order to experience these pleasant sensations over and over again, it is necessary to constantly maintain sexual contact. Often men prefer new experiences rather than changing sexual relationships while married. This phenomenon is called the Coolidge effect.

As the story goes, American President John Calvin Coolidge Jr. and his wife visited the farm. The First Lady noted that a rooster can trample hens all day, constantly changing individuals. Although it may be difficult to admit because it goes against popular morality, having a variety of sexual partners can be very enjoyable.

When people are faced with these two strong emotions (attachment and sexual desire), they often do what your husband did: lie and cheat. Some people are simply unable to live with one partner throughout their lives. And since people now exist in an era where the concept of love and intimacy is idealized, relationships become even more complex. Nowadays, everyone wants their marriage to be full of passion, intimacy and unconditional love.

Tips to help teach your spouse to tell the truth

If your husband is constantly lying, try the following tips:

If you are trying to constantly control your spouse, get rid of this habit immediately. Imagine yourself in his place. Would you like it if your husband was jealous of you at every post, called once every half hour and checked your whereabouts? Each person should have room to maneuver.
Does your husband lie all the time? Find the reason for this. Then sit down and discuss the problem with your spouse. Do this calmly, without “attacks” and scandals. Plan the place and time of such a conversation in advance. For example, a showdown in public will not lead to anything good.
Try to give the man the opportunity to relax during the conversation. A comfortable, peaceful environment in many cases can prevent an impending conflict.
Does your husband lie all the time, but doesn’t feel guilty? Then you're going to have a really difficult conversation. Or even giving it up. If the reason for a man’s constant lies is that he simply doesn’t care about you, is it worth continuing the relationship?
Try to treat a single case of lying as calmly as possible. Discuss the situation with your husband and agree that this will not happen again. Try to trust each other in the future - in the vast majority of cases this is the key to preserving the family.
If the reason for the husband’s constant lies lies in the field of psychology, then there is nothing left to do but seek the help of a qualified specialist. To begin with, you can do this yourself, without a spouse. The main thing is not to delay solving the problem that has arisen.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

The lie that his past doesn't matter

When a relationship becomes serious, you may wonder what the guy had before he met you. Once you start asking him for information, you may be surprised that the guy is not as willing to tell you about the past as you would like. He says that everything that happened before you is unimportant, because now you are together.

And from other people you can find out that in the past the guy had an unsuccessful relationship, after which he came to his senses for a long time and did not want to communicate with girls.

In this case, his lie is justified: he simply does not want to reopen old wounds, and looks to the future with the hope that the mistakes of past relationships will not be repeated. Leave his past alone and focus on the present. Let the best memories be associated with you in his life!