Most of us regularly say to ourselves, “If only I had more willpower.” However, is it actually possible to develop it? And if so, what's the best place to start?
Some of these situations will seem familiar to you:
- You want to become a morning person, but when the alarm goes off, you cut yourself some slack and continue to sleep.
- You decide to switch to a healthier diet, but unexpectedly you order from McDonald's.
- You think it would be a good idea to hit the gym and lose a few extra pounds before summer starts, but after a long day at work you find yourself on the couch watching TV.
Yes? You are not alone. Science has some answers to the question of how to develop willpower that may surprise you.
Why should we care about willpower?
Roy Baumeister, one of the leading researchers on willpower, notes:
The root cause of most of the problems that plague our people today—addictions, overeating, crime, domestic violence, sexually transmitted diseases, prejudice, debt, unwanted pregnancies, lack of education, poor performance in school and work, lack of funds, lack of exercise—is to one degree or another low level of self-control. Psychology has identified 2 main parameters that seem to provide an extremely wide range of benefits: intelligence and self-control. Despite many years of attempts, psychology has not figured out what a person can do to permanently increase the level of mental abilities. But strengthening self-control is quite accessible. Therefore, self-control is a rare and powerful tool that psychology can use to make tangible and beneficial changes in the lives of ordinary people.
Research in this area strongly supports the idea that increasing a person's willpower has a positive effect on all areas of their life.
People who are more self-controlled have better health, more stable and happier relationships, higher earnings, and more successful careers. Not surprisingly, those with stronger willpower are also happier. Therefore, declaring your willingness to work on your willpower may turn out to be one of the best decisions in your life.
Pitfalls in the path of self-control
In addition to physical condition, there are other factors that can weaken self-control.
Moral indulgences
In his book “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen” K. McGonigal describes the main indulgences that we give ourselves. They get in the way of self-control and pose a major threat to achieving your goals.
- “I behaved so well and deserved a reward . For some reason, we think it’s logical to eat cake after attending an intense workout, or skip class, because before that we went to workout for a month without a break. However, in reality, such actions set us back several steps from achieving our goals. Therefore, you should not give in to the persuasion of the brain. Remember more often that you are doing something not for the sake of a reward, but because you want to achieve a result. Don't mistake actions in support of your goal for the goal itself. Your goal is to lose weight, not to go to the gym, which means that the cake is not a reward, but a serious threat.
- Halo effect . We always try to find the most positive side of what we are going to do. By doing this, we trick our brain and give it permission to succumb to temptation. A lot of experiments have been conducted that confirm this. For example, it has been shown that if a person orders a dish that is marketed as healthy, the rest of the order will be more unhealthy than if the dish was not there. Roughly speaking, the salad justifies the presence of the burger and gives it an aura of health. Although, if we think logically, the calories in a burger cannot be destroyed by ordinary lettuce leaves, or indeed by any of the healthiest foods. But the brain believes this indulgence. To avoid the halo effect, find an accurate measure to measure your actions (such as calories or money spent).
- Progress as a reason to relax . They say progress motivates. However, scientists have come to interesting conclusions. In fact, people who are praised for their progress tend to relax and cut themselves some slack. For example, they conducted an experiment that found that when people who are on a diet are praised, they are more likely to choose a candy bar instead of an apple for a snack. Why is this happening? It's simple. Praise for progress is the “candy” the brain gives to the “higher self.” And, like a fair dad, the brain then strives to “pamper” the second child, the “Instinctive Self.” But progress can really motivate, for this it is enough to shift the emphasis from “I’ve done so much, now I can rest” to “I’ve done so much, because it’s really important to me, so I’m ready to work even harder.”
- New life from Monday . Perhaps the most unreasonable indulgence we give ourselves is an allowance for future victories. It has been proven that a person who decides to go to the gym is likely to eat more calories for dinner. When salad is on the menu, Big Mac sales increase. This is because we firmly believe that next time we will definitely arrange a healthy lunch for ourselves. And the phrase: “Today I didn’t succeed, but tomorrow I’ll definitely make up for lost time”, we think, is familiar to everyone. But the brain can be tricked and deprived of its ability to give itself emotional credit. How? Keep your behavior consistent. For example, do not give up sweets, but eat them only before 12 or drink a strictly defined number of cups of coffee per day. This way, the brain will not be able to convince you: “Make an exception today, and tomorrow everything will be different.” In this situation, you will have no arguments to follow the proverb “the barn burns, the bathhouse burns.” After all, tomorrow you will have the same number of cups of coffee, and you won’t be able to make up for lost time by promising yourself to give up coffee completely.
Less thinking, more action
Here's another way to help you cut yourself some slack. Make it a rule to take and do every task as soon as the idea looms on the horizon of your thoughts: “Or maybe, well, him.” Our brain is a real guru in coming up with excuses and excuses. Remember your usual internal monologue when you spend a long time trying to persuade yourself to do something. How many arguments are there for and how many are against? How many reasons does your brain come up with to justify your laziness? It usually goes something like this: “I’m going to the gym today. Or maybe not go? No, it is necessary, omissions will have a bad effect on the results. But if you think about how much you can do during this time, for example, go to the cinema, there’s a great movie on, or take a walk, or clean the house. Besides, I’ve been going there regularly for 2 months now; I can afford to relax. Yes, I guess I won’t go today, but next week...” This kind of swing can go on for a very long time, but most often it leans towards the “don’t do” bowl. There are a million reasons. However, the result is the same: you have taken 2 steps back from your goal. Therefore, the best way is not to let your brain dissuade you, but to take and do everything you don’t want to do right away (remember the “frogs” in time management). You notice that you often spend more energy and time thinking about something than it takes to complete it.
To make your task easier, clearly identify and speak your reactions to certain events. For example: when I get ready to take a shower in the morning, I’ll do some exercises before that; if I go to a cafe, I won’t order dessert; If I hear someone being rude, I will count to 10 before responding.
This is necessary to turn self-control into an automatic response caused by the stimulus with which it is associated. The more often you repeat and use these rules in life, the faster control of behavior will move to the subconscious level.
Of course, no one says that you don’t need to think at all. But usually problems begin when you already understand what needs to be done, but at the very last moment you try to sneak away.
Absent-mindedness
Baba Shiv, a professor of marketing at Stanford Graduate School of Business, conducted an experiment that found that when people are distracted, they are more likely to give in to temptation. Remember how, while preparing for exams, you could eat a whole chocolate bar (and more than one!) and not even notice it. On autopilot, the brain chooses a solution that requires less effort. This is why it is so important to stay focused in order to effectively resist temptation.
The best exercise to help you stay mindful in any situation is meditation. The simplest thing is to observe your breathing for 10 minutes and return your attention to it every time you get distracted by other thoughts. Here you need to remember the main thing: the goal of meditation is not to get rid of thoughts, but to be aware of them and not allow yourself to be carried away by them, each time returning to your breathing. You can read more about meditation in our previous article. Over time and with constant practice, your life will become more conscious and your willpower will strengthen.
Guilt
Blinded by the desire to help a person pull himself together, those around him often try to put pressure on his feelings of guilt. Yes, we ourselves are not averse to engaging in self-criticism every time we make a mistake. But in reality this is not the best way to achieve results. Guilt causes stress, and the brain, in order to cope with unpleasant feelings, begins to look for a source of pleasant emotions.
When we feel guilty about something, we begin to eat more, drink more, make unplanned purchases, play video games, and give in to other temptations more easily.
To cope with feelings of guilt, learn to forgive yourself. Yes, it intuitively seems to all of us that if we don’t scold and punish ourselves, we won’t succeed at all. But experiments prove the opposite. When people forgive themselves for wrongdoing, they calm down, and their brain connects to the analysis of what happened. This way, they quickly find ways to prevent a similar situation in the future and are more likely to achieve their goals.
Promise of reward
It just so happens in the course of evolution that the promise of a reward is often more attractive to us than the reward itself. The cunning brain has learned to produce the neurotransmitter dopamine, which in ancient times made us run after the mammoth. Without dopamine, which motivates us to action, we would not have progressed far in our development, but it can also play a cruel joke on us. Often we chase temptations that don’t actually give us pleasure, and sometimes even the opposite. Remember the times when you achieved something, and then you were disappointed? Remember all those dresses you bought but never wore? Remember how much pleasure the cake gave you and whether these sensations are worth worrying about being full again after six.
The fact is that the job of dopamine is to make us chase happiness, not to cause it. It does not give us a feeling of satisfaction, but only excites us, gives us a surge of energy for action and causes a feeling of anxiety.
Dopamine is the favorite hormone of salespeople, who often use it to get us to buy something we don't really need. It also causes many addictions, such as video games. How to fight it?
Take care of yourself. Compare the sensations you experience when you are carried away by temptation and the promise of reward with those that arise when you succumb to it. Most likely, the promise of reward will not disappear and will encourage you to eat more and spend more. But when you realize that your feelings are far from what dopamine promised you, and perhaps that you even feel dissatisfaction, fatigue and disappointment, it will be easier for you to cope with the temptation next time.
What is willpower?
To understand how willpower works, we first need to figure out what we mean when we use the word.
We all think we understand what we are talking about. However, how do scientists studying the subject determine willpower? In her book Maximum Willpower, Professor Kelly McGonigal, who teaches The Science of Willpower at Stanford, mentions three different aspects of this phenomenon:
- The power of “I Won’t” is the ability to resist temptation.
- The power of “I will” is the ability to do what needs to be done.
- The power of “I want” is the individual’s awareness of his long-term goals and desires.
According to McGonigal, willpower is directly related to using power over these “I wills,” “I won’ts,” and “I wills” to achieve one’s goals and avoid trouble.
Why am I doing this?
Motivation is what fuels willpower in the first place and is its strong foundation. If you don’t understand why you should do something, then it’s not surprising that you will shirk every time, and no exercises, tricks or life hacks will help you.
Therefore, start developing willpower from the main thing. Take time to figure out the goals you want to achieve in life and in the short term. By the way, in our opinion, this topic is described very well in J. Canfield’s book “A Whole Life.” Once you understand your goals and the actions you need to take to achieve them, it will be easier for you to activate your willpower.
It's even better if you paint a vivid picture in your head of how you will look, think and feel when you achieve your goal. Imagine it before your eyes every time you are tempted to deviate from your chosen path, and you will be able to resist. Let your willpower become better day by day by your conscious choice, and not by the influence of life's blows and circumstances. Remember your goals and never give up. As Michael Jordan said, “You're not a loser until you give up.”
Where do we get willpower from?
Willpower is an amazing phenomenon.
Indeed, some scientists even say that perhaps it is what makes a person human. This is logical, because there are no other animals with such a developed ability to control their impulses. What made us so special? Ancient people lived in a society where the survival of each individual was very dependent on the group. To get along with others, everyone needed to control their impulses. This had a huge impact on the brain and led to the development of impulse control techniques that could get a person into trouble.
Our current ability to fight our impulses is the result of several thousand years of adaptation to an increasingly complex social environment.
The Brain and Willpower: Meet the Prefrontal Cortex
The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain located just behind the frontal bone and the eyes.
Throughout evolution, it mainly controlled physical movements (walking, running, climbing, etc.). Over time, it not only grew larger, but also strengthened connections with other parts of the brain and took on some new functions. The prefrontal cortex is now responsible for your actions, thoughts, and even feelings. The prefrontal cortex has 3 independent sections that control various aspects of willpower:
- The left lobe of the prefrontal cortex is responsible for the “I will” part.
- The right lobe is in charge of the “I won’t” area.
- And the lower middle beat serves “I want.”
Together, these departments provide our self-control and self-awareness, or, in other words, our willpower.
The importance of the prefrontal cortex is best illustrated by cases where people have suffered injuries that affect this particular part of the brain. In 1848, Phineas Gage, a calm, polite, and hard-working foreman, found himself in a situation that resulted in a very serious head injury that damaged his prefrontal cortex. The injury changed him forever. Friends could not recognize Gage: he had turned into an irritable, impulsive person - literally the opposite of himself.
Phineas's case is one of many examples of what happens when a person suffers from damage to the prefrontal cortex. This makes it clear that willpower is not something mystical, but just one of the functions of our brain.
Why do you need the ability to overcome yourself?
Every day we have to solve many problems: from getting up in the morning to vital problems. A person with poorly developed willpower cannot bring himself to do even the simplest things, such as taking out the trash or washing the dishes.
In a global sense, a lack of will can interfere with the proper construction of personal relationships and career growth. Thus, the development of willpower is important for us, and it should begin in childhood, however, even in adulthood it is never too late to change everything and strengthen your ability to act and overcome obstacles.
Knowing how to strengthen willpower also helps in work. In work, the ability to clearly and timely complete assigned tasks, resolve conflict issues, as well as the desire to achieve heights in your career is of great importance.
Why our grandparents were more disciplined than us
One of the most shocking discoveries about willpower is this: willpower is like a muscle that gets tired when overused.
Roy Baumeister conducted many experiments in which he asked people to exercise willpower in controlled laboratory conditions (refuse cake, hide their anger, hold their hands in ice water, etc.). It turned out that the details of these requirements did not matter much: people who had to use their willpower experienced a weakening of their ability to control themselves. This was expressed in different ways: those who were asked to control their emotions were more likely to buy unnecessary things, giving up sweets led to procrastination, and so on. In the end, Baumeister came to the conclusion that willpower becomes depleted during use.
Moreover, research has shown that there are many factors that can deplete willpower, some of which we would never have thought of. Sitting in a boring meeting, trying to impress on a date, or being in the wrong workspace can all drain your willpower. Every time you are forced to restrain an impulse or make a decision—no matter how mundane—you are using your “willpower muscle” and therefore depleting the corresponding reserves.
Kathleen Vaughns, assistant professor of marketing at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota, notes:
There is research that shows that people's levels of self-control are the same as they were decades ago, but we are bombarded with more and more temptations. Our psychology is not designed to deal with all of our current potential pleasures.
We could look at people from previous generations and admire their self-discipline.
As a martial artist, I remember reading stories about past masters and beating myself up for not practicing the same technique for hours, day after day, like they did. But it seems that the reason that our generation is not as diligent as its predecessors is not at all a weakness of character, but environmental irritants. Would these martial artists be as dedicated to their craft if they had access to Facebook, Twitter and YouTube? I'm afraid we will never get an answer to this question.
How to gain freedom of action
Developed willpower allows you to get rid of bad habits. A person who acts solely according to his instincts has no choice.
He may realize that he has problems that drag him down and do not allow him to open up to his fullest extent, but his lack of character does not allow him to get out of the current situation correctly.
It is for this reason that many people cannot realize themselves in life; their plans never come true.
Steroids for willpower: meditation
The good news is that we can increase our willpower and be able to use it regularly if we start training our brain.
Meditation has proven itself to be one of the most effective methods of increasing willpower. Research on this issue shows that 3 hours of meditation improves self-control and concentration, and after 11 hours of practice you can notice real changes in the brain. Why is it so effective?
Meditation increases blood flow to the prefrontal cortex. The brain seems to respond to exercise in the same way that muscles do: doing push-ups gives you strong arms, and meditating improves the neural connections between the parts of the brain responsible for self-control. What's the best way to meditate if you want to develop your willpower?
Kelly McGonigal says this meditation technique will get the blood flowing to the prefrontal cortex, which is perhaps the simplest thing we can do to accelerate evolution and maximize our brain's potential.
- Sit and don't move.
You can sit on a chair with your feet flat on the floor, or lie cross-legged on the floor. Try to restrain motor impulses: find out if you can ignore the itching and the need to change position. Stillness is an important part of meditation; it teaches you not to automatically give in to impulses. - Shift your attention to your breathing.
Close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. Mentally say “inhale” as you draw in air, and “exhale” as you release it. If you notice your mind has started to wander, bring it back and continue to focus on your breathing. This activates the prefrontal cortex and calms the centers of the brain that respond to stress and desire. - Notice how you feel when you breathe and when your mind wanders.
After a few minutes, drop the words “in” and “exhale” and focus solely on the sensation of breathing. Your mind may get a little lost without these words. But if you notice that you are thinking about something extraneous, return your attention to your breathing. You can repeat “inhale” and “exhale” several times if you find it difficult to concentrate. This part helps train both self-awareness and self-control.
At the very beginning of practice, meditation can seem very difficult. This is quite normal: in everyday life we often do not notice how distracted and noisy our mind is, and the stillness while trying to concentrate on breathing clearly demonstrates this. However, no matter how inept you think you are: research suggests that even 5 minutes of daily meditation will provide benefits in the form of increased levels of self-control and self-awareness. Don't be afraid to start small.
Sport is a great way to overcome yourself
Starting to play even the easiest sport is not easy. This requires willpower. Meanwhile, sport helps you overcome yourself, your laziness, increase self-esteem, strengthen your spirit and change your character for the better. Daily training requires persistence, adherence to a daily routine, food intake and physical activity. The more often you play sports, the stronger your spirit becomes, and the faster you will develop willpower, which helps you overcome yourself and achieve incredible success.
Beginners are recommended to master simple workouts. Choose which sport is most suitable for you to enjoy attending classes. We increase the load gradually, the body must adapt to new conditions. Developing willpower is a daily effort to improve yourself. A strong character does not happen on its own; it is built and developed by overcoming pain, emotions, fears and laziness. In this regard, sport helps to train not only the body, but also the spirit.
