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Psychologists note that anxiety states are not uncommon, but a kind of norm of behavior. People are designed this way: they hope for the best in crisis situations and begin to fear troubles as soon as life gets better. Nevertheless, feelings of anxiety and fear of losing a loved one must be fought so as not to provoke unwanted conflicts, feelings of jealousy and mutual reproaches. There are several effective techniques that will help girls get rid of obsessive fear.
1. It is important for a girl to understand that her chosen one is not the only man on Earth. Even if love is strong and your partner is ideal, you should not make an idol out of him. It is worth paying attention to other men, if only to maintain self-esteem at a high level. Compliments from men are a way to prove your attractiveness to yourself and get rid of the inferiority complex that can provoke the fear of losing a loved one. This behavior keeps a man on his toes and forces him to fight for the relationship, which brings partners even closer together.
2. A girl does not need to stop communicating with the opposite sex just because she is in a relationship. There is no need to cross boundaries, but light flirting and casual conversations with male friends will help overcome the fear of losing your chosen one. Often, the relationships that a woman values so much, immersing herself completely in them, are in fact not ideal. But this can only be understood through communication. It is possible that temporary love is only an intermediate link that will later connect the girl with a truly ideal gentleman.
3. Communication with your chosen one is not a reason to try to be perfect in everything. The fear of separation often arises among those girls who strive to become even better, forgetting that the man has already chosen, which means he was happy with everything. Of course, every person needs to change for the better, but in pursuit of an imaginary ideal, you can easily lose your “I”, charm and charm, for which a man fell in love with his chosen one. It is important for girls to remember that everyone has the right to make mistakes, which means they can allow themselves to be weak and imperfect.
4. It is not always possible to immediately meet a person with whom you can spend the rest of your life. There can be many loves in life, which means you don’t need to completely immerse yourself in each relationship and worry as if it’s all the last time. It is important for girls not to forget about self-esteem, because after the breakup there will be more meetings, and it is possible that they will bring much more vivid impressions.
5. Psychologists note that men love it when there is lightness and ease in relationships. A girl who is constantly afraid of losing her chosen one is unlikely to be able to add ease to communication, which means that conflicts will become inevitable. You shouldn’t act as if a man is the only raft in the ocean and keep him “tied” to you. Simplicity in relationships is achieved not by jealousy and ultimatums, but by conversations, when partners can hear each other and understand whether they are looking in the same direction. In this case, the couple is not in danger of separation due to trifles and far-fetched claims.
It is worth remembering that those who really suit each other will not be afraid of any obstacles along the way. And for those who started a relationship by mistake, it will be easier to break up and continue searching for their ideal.
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18.06.2019 03:47
Education
The life position in which the main thing is to seize and appropriate everything for oneself is visible even in training. A possession-oriented student will carefully take notes on everything the lecturer says, without delving into it or being interested. Then he will cram his notes to pass the exam, and will not even think about why he needs it.
A student accustomed to living in the present will not take notes on what he does not need, but will actively participate in discussions and try to understand material that interests him.
Know yourself - learn to love
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan offers a working method that allows you to understand all the reasons for your fears. Classes are held in online training format. This training will help you understand yourself, better understand your desires and capabilities, and learn to understand various conditions. Thanks to this, fears and anxieties will be left behind, making way for new wonderful feelings. Join those who have already overcome their fears! You can register for free lectures here: https://www.yburlan.ru/training
Author of the publication: Alexandra Veryaskina, teacher of Russian language and literature
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”
Entertainment
When going on vacation, everyone takes cameras or camera phones with them. It doesn’t matter where the trip is, to a nearby forest, to a popular resort or to the palaces of Mesoamerica. At concerts, the crowd raises smartphones above their heads to film what is happening on stage.
You can come to the sea and take a thousand pictures of the sunset, but through the camera lens you will not see its real beauty. You'll have some cool Instagram photos, but no real admiration. This is best seen in historical sites, when enthusiastic crowds of tourists wander between the sights with cameras glued to their faces.
We get truly deep emotions when we concentrate on an object (the music and style of performance of our favorite band) or fully perceive a sunset on the sea, a colorful exotic show, or something else beautiful. If you are distracted by shooting or looking into the lens, the moment will be lost.
Then you’ll show the photos and videos to your friends, but that’s not why you were looking for new experiences.
Why is fear of losses destructive?
Fear of loss is an energy of a lower order than, for example, love, joy, interest, admiration. Creative harmonious experiences are much stronger than destructive ones. Especially if you don’t put destructive fears on a pedestal.
We are afraid of what controls us. Accept the attitude: this fear is mine, which means I can do with it what I want: I can strengthen it, I can weaken it. I can feed him with terrible news and exciting thoughts, or I can leave him to starve.
In the end, we ourselves choose the wolf we will feed.
Team Growth Phase, Growth Phase
Expert help: from fear of losing a loved one to love without fear
If fear becomes permanent and interferes with normal life, you should think about going to a specialist. Treatment of thanatophobia, depending on the situation and degree of the disorder, is carried out by different specialists:
- The psychologist identifies the symptoms, causes of the phobia, and the stage of its development. To do this, already at the first session, the specialist asks the client a variety of questions about his fear. This way a person sees his phobia from the outside. After this, the client is asked to describe his feelings that arise when fear appears. Then the psychologist immerses him in this state, asking him to close his eyes and imagine a frightening picture, and then offers to change it to a pleasant one. The goal of such exposure therapy is to learn to overcome your fears and switch to something good when the phobia is activated. The number of such sessions varies from 5 to 10.
- The psychotherapist also makes every effort to identify the cause of fear as deeply as possible and help the client transform it. Existential psychotherapy, for example, helps to overcome a phobia. A person must realize why he lives, what his values are and how to live in accordance with them.
- The psychiatrist prescribes sedatives, tranquilizers and antidepressants. This method of treatment is also used by psychotherapists in certain cases.
- Sometimes people turn to a hypnologist for help, who helps eliminate the root of the problem, since irrational fears appear on an unconscious level.
It is better to contact multidisciplinary specialists who will identify the full picture of the disorder and help in various ways. For example, such specialists include psychologist-hypnologist Nikita Valerievich Baturin.
Anyone can experience the fear of losing a loved one. There are a variety of reasons for this, from watching others suffer to experiencing your own loss. Usually the phobia begins in childhood, but can also arise in adulthood under the influence of some events or negative media news.
It is important to recognize the symptoms in time and identify the causes of fear. In the early stages, you can help yourself on your own, but it is better to trust experienced specialists.
Psychologist's advice
- If you have to live with a tyrant in the same territory, then you will have to learn something:
- do not allow yourself to be manipulated and feel guilty;
- always defend your point of view, otherwise you will not be perceived as an equal member of the family;
- learn to resist unfounded reproaches addressed to you;
- be materially independent from your lover;
- try not to remember past feelings;
- never justify assault!
The main recommendation of experts is to love and respect yourself as an individual. Remember, you need to make it clear to your tyrant spouse that you will not tolerate disrespect for yourself. If he wants to check it out, keep your promise. If you retreat, then the faithful will never respect you.
Characteristic manifestations
Even the thought of your partner possibly leaving your life can be scary.
If a husband is afraid of losing his wife or a woman is afraid of the possible loss of her husband, then you can often hear about this. But sometimes people do not express themselves directly, but carry their experiences inside or do not themselves realize that they are experiencing such fear. But at the subconscious level this is all reflected. The following manifestations may indicate that you are afraid of losing your loved one:
- a strong need to constantly be close to your significant other;
- feeling of increased anxiety;
- a feeling of strong discomfort at the moment when you need to part with your partner, even if only for a short time;
- a state of stress if the partner does not come home from work for a long time;
- the appearance of all kinds of thoughts that excite the consciousness;
- the need to keep everything under control;
- constant calls to your partner, questions about where he is now;
- expectation that something bad will happen;
- the inability to calmly react to the need of a loved one to go on a business trip;
- the appearance of a fainting state just from the mere thought that your partner might leave you.
Somatic signs may include the following:
- tearfulness;
- insomnia;
- severe fatigue;
- headache;
- in the absence of a partner for a long time, panic attacks may occur;
- increased sweating;
- dizziness;
- tachycardia;
- surges in blood pressure.
