The new book, Overcoming Fear, is structured like a notebook or diary. If a feeling of fear prevents you from living, she will help you look at yourself from the outside and learn exercises that will help you get rid of fear in specific situations.
Fear is a biological, absolutely adequate reaction to threat and possible danger. It releases energy for fight or flight and ensures that we avoid dangerous or risky situations.
Thus, during the course of evolution, humans developed a fear of animals, such as snakes or saber-toothed tigers. Our life circumstances have undergone significant changes since then, but even now many of us are more afraid of spiders than of a straight razor.
If our fears relate to something that is generally considered safe (spiders (non-poisonous), strangers or a train ride), and worsen the quality of our life or limit our opportunities, then they are pathological. About 15% of people have experienced one of the diseases listed below at least once in their lives. And this figure is growing! The most common forms of serious fears include the following.
Phobias. Fears caused by harmless objects or situations, such as the aforementioned spiders. They try to avoid or tolerate them. The phobia takes forms from mild discomfort to panic fear and can greatly affect a person’s life. The phobia has clear boundaries: you are afraid of spiders, but not afraid of birds or beetles.
Generalized anxiety disorder . Characterized by generalized and persistent fears that are not limited to a specific situation or subject. Symptoms: constant nervousness, tremors, muscle tension, rapid heartbeat, complaints of problems in the epigastric region. A person suffering from this form of disorder fears that he or someone close to him will soon die, an accident will happen to him, or a blow of fate will befall him.
These fears may persist for days, weeks, months or years and are experienced as a diffuse feeling.
Panic disorder . This is a common term for panic attacks that occur regardless of any situation. A panic attack can develop for no reason and usually lasts a few minutes. After this, the person leaves the place where this happened to him as quickly as possible.
Panic attack sufferers often fear another attack in a public place. This is how “fear of fears” arises. Symptoms of a panic attack are varied and usually begin with a racing heart, chest pain, choking, dizziness and a feeling of alienation. Then comes the fear of dying, going crazy, or losing control of yourself.
If you have an anxiety disorder, do not hesitate to contact a psychotherapist with good education and deep knowledge in this area. The longer you wait, the greater the danger that your fears will become chronic. If you're not sure, listen to the words of Dr. Borwin Bandelow, a professor and expert on anxiety disorders: "A person who spends more than half the day thinking about his fears begins to be guided by them in making professional or personal decisions - for example, turning down a promotion because he will have to communicate with a lot of people, or does not go to the supermarket without a partner - should see a psychiatrist.”
Panic attack: how to deal with it yourself
If you feel an attack coming , breathe into a paper bag.
- Take a paper or plastic bag and breathe into it. You will inhale back the air you exhale, a large amount of carbon dioxide will enter your blood, which will help restore the balance between oxygen and carbon dioxide necessary for relaxation.
- If you don’t have a bag at hand, you can breathe through the sleeve of a jacket or pullover. It would be enough.
If you are hyperventilating , do the following.
- As soon as you feel rapid breathing, sit down, lean against something, exhale, hold your breath and count to five. After counting to five, say calmly: “Relax!” Inhale through your nose for three seconds, then exhale for the same amount. With each exhalation, say: “Completely calm!”
- After ten breaths, hold your breath again and then repeat the exercise.
- Continue, maintaining the rhythm, until breathing is restored.
Practice in a calm state, and then it will be easier for you to use this exercise during a panic attack.
Tell us in more detail about psychotherapeutic and medicinal methods of treating social phobia.
The most effective and promising direction of psychotherapy in the treatment of social phobias is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), especially group sessions and the exposure method. The patient is gradually taught to treat previously disturbing situations without fear or anxiety. By acting in a group, participating in role-playing games and trainings, a person restores previously lost communication skills and acquires new ones, develops an adequate line of behavior in society in various situations, forms new mental attitudes based on a sense of dignity and awareness of his significance and uniqueness as an individual. For example, with assertive training, a person learns to defend his opinion, not to depend on external circumstances and assessments, to independently choose a line of behavior, control and be responsible for it. Self-respect and respect for others, the desire to reach a reasonable compromise, the ability to hear and understand another person, and also to make someone listen to oneself is the goal of such group classes. The patient also learns to control his physical responses to fear and anxiety. For example, a patient whose hands begin to tremble when communicating is asked to write on the board in a group or pour tea for everyone.
Ultimately, a person must understand his rights, which boil down to the following postulates: • I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts, feelings and I bear full responsibility for this. • I am not obliged to explain, justify or justify my behavior to anyone. • I myself decide to answer or not answer for the problems of others, and if I answer, then how deeply I go into it. • I have the right to make mistakes, illogical actions and decisions, change of views and am ready to be responsible for this. • I have the right to say: “No,” “I don’t know,” “I don’t care,” “I don’t understand you.” • I should not depend on the opinions of others and their goodwill. Of course, it is important not to overdo it, so as not to turn a social phobe into an inveterate egocentric and individualist. What is important here is a sense of proportion and the correct balance between one’s own and others’ interests. You need to be free and independent, but not ignore the interests and desires of others.
Social phobia, treatment of which by purely psychotherapeutic methods has not been sufficiently effective, can be symptomatically mitigated or eliminated with the additional use of medications aimed at eliminating symptoms of anxiety, fear and depression. These include: • Antidepressants, including SSRIs - selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, norepinephrine and serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs), and a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO) called moclobemide. • Benzodiazepines (clonazepam), which may be used although effective only as a short-term treatment option due to the risk of dependence and withdrawal symptoms. In conclusion, I want to say that the sooner a person admits that he has social phobia and turns to specialists, the more effective and less radical the treatment will be, the safer the consequences for the psyche and the less significant the disruption of social ties. And this will minimize negative changes in all areas of activity of each individual patient.
Are you afraid to fly? Breathing exercise
Do you feel afraid before taking off or landing a plane? To relieve yourself of stress, do an effective breathing exercise. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system, that is, the part of the nervous system that is responsible for relaxation.
- Sit up straight. Distribute your weight evenly on both legs.
- As you inhale, mentally raise your hands.
- As you exhale, mentally return your arms to their original position along your body.
- At the end of the exhalation, hold your breath for 6-10 seconds. At the same time, count mentally from 1001 to 1006 or 1010. Determine what time period is most comfortable for you.
- Repeat the exercise for two to three minutes: inhale - mentally arms up - exhale - mentally arms down - hold your breath and count again from 1001 to 1006 or 1010.
Imagine the worst case scenario
Play out the worst-case scenarios for a conversation with another person in your head. What's the worst thing that could happen? Will your interlocutor think badly of you and not want to continue the conversation? Then think about how qualitatively this can affect your life. Most likely, this will not turn your life upside down, or force you to change jobs or move to another city. In this case, you shouldn’t attach much importance to it, and your interlocutor won’t even remember about the unsuccessful conversation the next day.
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If fear strikes you in a public place
This exercise is very simple, but very effective. Do it as soon as you start to feel afraid.
Look around you. How much yellow do you see? Find at least seven different things.
1. _____________________________________ 2. _____________________________________ 3. _____________________________________ 4. _____________________________________ 5. _____________________________________ 6. _____________________________________ 7. _____________________________________
Where was the fear when you put your attention on all these things? That's right, he temporarily disappeared. And if he comes back again, he might not be so strong.
Social phobia – is treatment by a specialist necessary or can you manage on your own?
First of all, I want to remind you what social phobia is, why it is dangerous and why its manifestations should not be ignored.
Social phobia, or social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by a fear of communicating and social contacts, performing activities and working while being observed or in the presence of others. The most typical situations that cause fear in a social phobic may be the following: • Speaking in public. • Communication with unfamiliar and unfamiliar people not only through direct contact, but also by telephone. • Conversations with authoritative people, interviews, business contacts. • Eating in public catering establishments - restaurants, cafes, workers' and student canteens. • Personal dates, parties, holidays and other social events. • Being in a crowd, a large flow of people, including at a stadium, concert hall, cinema, supermarket, large office space, etc. • Visiting public toilets. • Participation in team games, dance classes and any other activities that are performed in public and attract the attention of others. Of course, not every uncommunicative or withdrawn person suffers from social phobia. This may simply be a character trait, but an introvert does not experience fear of communication and, if necessary, easily makes contact without any anxiety. A sociophobe is simply horrified by anxiety before an upcoming social contact or going out into the world. Even the most insignificant situation can bring him into this state, for example, a conversation with a seller or another buyer at the checkout, a discussion of some issues in the audience, and even more so, participation in discussions.
A social phobe always thinks that others are much smarter, wittier, more beautiful, more competent and more educated than him. Therefore, he is constantly afraid of ridicule, condemnation, non-recognition and is afraid to express his opinion. Naturally, such a situation not only does not contribute to career advancement, but also hinders the development of a person as an individual, and also significantly worsens the quality of his life.
In addition, the manifestations of a phobia can be so strong that a person prefers to spend most of his time at home, practically not leaving it, working remotely, and ordering groceries and other goods for home delivery. Such a life of a hermit, communication only with a computer or on social networks, a virtual lifestyle deprives a person of a sense of reality and often leads to maladjustment in life. For some time, such a comfortable position for him is quite satisfactory for the social phobic, but sooner or later he begins to realize the futility of such an existence, the lack of communication, the impossibility of starting a family and achieving professional success. Ultimately, such a situation for a person, as a social being, often ends in deep depression with all the ensuing consequences, including suicide. We have found out why fear of society is dangerous, but how to treat social phobia largely depends on its type. It is known that there are two forms of social phobia: • Isolated, single monophobia, when fear arises only in a specific social situation, for example, when eating in public, talking with high-ranking people, doing certain work in the presence of others, even close people. For example, cutting an ordinary salad under the watchful eye of a friend, a picky husband or mother-in-law can turn into a real nightmare - everything will fall out of your hands, the knife will not obey, the oil will overflow, the salt and pepper will spill, and the dish will ultimately earn everyone's disapproval. Naturally, this will only increase the fear and anxiety of strangers in the kitchen. Isolated phobias also include ereytophobia - the fear of appearing awkward, experiencing embarrassment, or, God forbid, blushing in company, especially when there are people of the opposite sex in it. • Generalized social phobia, when the list of situations that frighten a person includes almost all possible contacts and circumstances that require communication with other people at any level. An enhanced avoidance reaction leads to disruption of psychosocial orientation, formation of inadequate adaptation to fears, disruption of social connections, and suffering in all areas of human activity.
It is precisely this kind of extended social phobia that it is no longer possible to fight on your own - you can no longer do without medical intervention, especially when comorbid (combined) mental disorders appear.
If fear finds you at home: dig up the garden
When we are afraid, our field of vision narrows, and the inability to look around only intensifies our fears. That is why at such moments it is important to immediately switch your attention to something else. It's best to do things that bring joy, such as gardening.
Contact with the earth, plants - flowers or trees - can work true miracles. Loosening, weeding, mowing the grass in the garden, replanting or watering home flowers - all this will distract you from anxious thoughts about bad things that happened in the past or may happen in the future, bringing you into the present moment, into your body. Here and now.
How to overcome fear? 20 practical tips from a psychologist
Does fear keep you from living? Is something scaring you? What are you afraid of? We are often afraid of the dangers that can await us every day at every step. We are afraid to appear funny when speaking in public, to encounter an unpleasant insect, to get sick or to harm our health. In fact, it is possible to overcome these fears. It doesn’t matter what exactly you fear and why you worry: in this article you will find 20 universal tips on how to cope with fears, and also find out what their causes are and what prevents us from overcoming them. About this in an article by CogniFit psychologist Ainoa Arrans.
What is fear?
Why does fear arise? Why is it needed? Fear is the primary emotion that warns us of impending danger. He fills us so that we do not miss the approaching threat. Fear paralyzes us in a frightening situation. Have you ever experienced this feeling? Have you ever experienced panic that made you run away without thinking about the consequences? This is an absolutely logical reaction in such an emotional state.
It is necessary to distinguish between fear and anxiety symptoms. Fear appears in a very specific situation, for example, when a stranger is following you along an empty street, who you think is stalking you. Anxiety, on the contrary, is a rather general, non-specific emotion that arises in less specific situations. For example, the anxiety we feel when thinking about our future career or when someone criticizes us.
Fear is an adaptive response to threats of a physical or psychological nature. However, it does not always arise in the face of real danger. Sometimes it can be caused by cognitive distortions. The level of intensity of fear can vary from virtually no fear to absolute panic. In fact, this emotion can become a real nightmare.
When does fear become a phobia?
If the fear of something becomes too great, excessive, it turns into a phobia. Phobia is a psychological disorder, while fear is a common healthy emotion.
There are different types of phobias: fear of heights, fear of clowns or coulrophobia, fear of growing old, fear of death, etc. Regardless of the reasons that cause such a reaction, all these phobias significantly reduce the quality of life of people suffering from them, negatively affecting all areas of daily activity. Can you imagine that there are people who are so afraid to go outside that they are forced to spend all their time indoors, locked up?
However, it is not at all necessary for fear to reach the size of a phobia in order to poison a person’s life. One way or another, these psychological disorders can prevent us from performing even the most common daily tasks. In this article you will find recommendations on how to get rid of fear, regardless of its degree and the reason that provokes this feeling.
Why are we afraid?
Fear is a completely habitual reaction that accompanies us throughout our lives. It forces you to act quickly and protect yourself from any danger. It increases our physiological activity, encouraging us to fight or flee. Fear is necessary for survival.
There are two main theories about how fear arises. The first, classical one, states that if we compare certain elements (snakes, heights, etc.) with situations that are harmful and dangerous for us (injuries, anxiety, etc.), we associate these stimuli with each other and thus acquire conditioned fear reflex.
On the other hand, according to Albert Bandura's social learning theory, we learn through vicarious experiences. In other words, by observing other people who are models for us (neighbor, actor, etc.), we internalize their behavior and imitate them. If you once witnessed your little brother being stung by a wasp and you noticed his panic, you might run away in fear every time you see the wasp. According to this theory, we decide for ourselves whether we want to engage in a certain type of behavior or not, although this is not easy.
Fear can also cause positive emotions. We enjoy the thrill of shaking, heart palpitations, tension, and rigidity when we're watching a horror movie from the comfort of our couch or when we're riding a roller coaster. We even look for these sensations when we are sure that we are safe.
It is necessary to learn to manage this emotion from childhood. However, you can begin to experience fear of something at any age. Moreover, some people are more likely to experience this emotion than others. Our experiences also greatly influence how we react to actual events. No matter what we fear, it is important to remember that it is never too late to overcome fear.
20 ways to conquer fear
In this section, we will give 20 tips and tricks that you can implement on a daily basis. The most important thing is that you must understand that fear sits inside you, no one and nothing makes you experience it. It may be problematic to think this way on the eve of, for example, an important exam, but you must remember that you and only you are responsible for your personal growth. You can overcome this fear with planning, a little effort and willpower.
Don't try to deny your fears
As we indicated earlier, fear is a gift that helps us survive. We can also see it in animals in dangerous situations. Fortunately, our body warns us of an approaching threat. Can you imagine what will happen if you don't hide when you see a tiger in the room? Learning to coexist with this emotion is vital. No matter what unpleasant moments we have to endure, we should be grateful to fear.
Get to know yourself better
Self-reflection helps increase our comfort level. It allows us to understand how we feel or how we want to be, how to act. There is no need to deeply explore what the roots of our fear of snakes are, for example. However, understanding what stimuli trigger unpleasant emotions in us can help us develop effective and precise strategies to counter them.
Admit your fear
You are human. Living and acting as if fear does not exist is counterproductive. Feeling fear will not make you weaker or less respected. It doesn't matter if the object of your fear is unusual or confusing, it is still understandable and there are people who can support you. Your fear will not go away just because you ignore it. Recognizing fear is the first step towards overcoming it.
Rationalize your fears
Fear of fire is absolutely understandable if we see a fire. However, if every time we light an electric stove we think about a fire, then we are thinking illogically. You need to think about the likelihood of something happening and act accordingly. This will help get rid of unpleasant cognitive processes.
Watch other people struggle with fear
There are quite common types of fears - for example, the fear of being fired or the fear of blood. It doesn't matter if the reason for your fear is atypical: remember that this emotion causes similar feelings in everyone. The only difference is the degree of intensity you are able to control. It can be very helpful to acknowledge that this emotion is natural and observe how other people deal with it.
Boost your self-esteem
Some types of fears, such as fear of communication, are very upsetting for the people who experience them. This can have a negative impact on self-esteem. “I’m a loser, incompetent.” “Nobody wants a weakling like me.” Such thoughts are harmful and can provoke cognitive distortions that can significantly poison our lives.
In some cases, these beliefs can lead to deep internal discomfort and, as a result, severe psychological problems. Fears should not affect your self-esteem. Remember that we are all human and that everyone can experience fears, but we are always able to find a reasonable solution in any situation.
Take care of yourself
Obviously, taking care of your physical and mental health is always useful. When we lead a healthy lifestyle (of course, within reasonable limits, we shouldn’t focus on sports and proper nutrition), we feel great, our efficiency and performance increase. Therefore, when we feel healthy and able to take care of ourselves, the fear of getting sick decreases.
Don't avoid the object of your fear
If we give up flying because of the fear of flying, or if we lead a mediocre life because of the fear of failure, we will be setting up barriers for ourselves. Perhaps even the thought of having to face the object of your fear causes you extreme anxiety. It's possible that avoiding fearful situations may help in the short term, but in the long run it will only perpetuate your fears. You have to face your fears.
Try relaxation techniques
When we are paralyzed by fear that we want to run away from or hide from, we can use various techniques to stay calm, such as breathing techniques. You can also start counting in your head until you calm down. This way you can reduce the symptoms of fear and take your mind off negative thoughts.
Challenge yourself a little
Conquering fear takes time and constant effort on your part. Try to visualize what you are afraid of first. For example, if you are afraid to play sports, imagine yourself playing with a ball. Visualizing yourself successfully doing things that scare you can help you feel more confident.
It may be difficult at first, but it will get easier and easier each time. Such exercises form the basis of exposure therapy. You are gradually shown fear-provoking stimuli until you learn to cope with your emotions. For example, a person who is afraid of snakes can start by looking at a picture of a small snake, and so on until he is not afraid to be near a real cobra.
Don't Face Your Biggest Fear Directly
It’s wonderful that you decided to overcome your fear, however, you shouldn’t do it too harshly. The exposure method involves a gradual approach to this goal under the guidance of a specialist. Independent attempts to dramatically overcome your fear, for example, by grabbing a tarantula with your hand, or going on stage to sing in front of an audience of thousands, can turn out to be completely counterproductive and aggravate the situation.
Motivate yourself
Think about how you can reward yourself for conquering fear. For example, if you are afraid of driving, imagine how great it will be to go on an exciting trip in your own car to an interesting place that you have long dreamed of, without depending on other people. It's difficult to concentrate on this positive thought the moment you get behind the wheel. However, if we think not about accidents, but about a pleasant vacation, we will be distracted from negative thoughts.
Reward yourself for success
If you're afraid of taking an elevator and the thought of getting stuck in one is shocking, give yourself a reward for the day you dare to take an elevator ride. For example, a bag of your favorite candy or a trip to the cinema. It is important that you acknowledge your success and want to move on.
Celebrate your progress
Keeping an observation diary is very useful, especially in situations when you suddenly begin to become depressed due to fear itself or for another reason. However, if you look in your diary and read about your successes, it will help you feel proud and continue to move forward and become even more effective. The path to success is not always smooth; there are ups and downs. However, persistence and determination will help you achieve excellent results. Plus, the act of writing down notes will help you blow off steam and reduce anxiety.
Get support from loved ones
Even if your friends or family don't share your fear, they know the feeling. You will feel better if you share with them your worries about being afraid to drive in the fog or communicate with your boss. It is likely that the people you are talking to have gone through similar experiences and can give you valuable advice. However, even just their support and participation can help you cope with any challenge.
Talk to people who share your fear
Find people who are going through the same thing as you, it will help you a lot. If you think your fear is unusual, or if you feel shy, feel misunderstood, or find it difficult to discuss it with someone, try talking to someone in the same situation (in person or even online). This will help you open up, exchange experiences, and learn something useful for yourself that didn’t occur to you on your own.
Don't be afraid of criticism
Often, no matter what fear we are trying to overcome - cycling, falling, or speaking English, our steps towards overcoming these fears can be criticized when we make mistakes or fail at something.
We all stumble sometimes. Most likely, others do not think about us as often as we think. And when someone criticizes us, we should not pay attention to negative comments - we lose much more by giving up our attempts.
Benefit from new technologies
Scientific and technological advances offer us enormous opportunities to overcome fear. There are already virtual reality-based therapies that allow people to face their fears in complete safety. In addition, there are simpler methods - for example, various mobile applications developed for a similar purpose.
In particular, special programs have been created for people suffering from aerophobia (fear of flying). These apps provide flight safety data and offer various anxiety-reducing exercises. Programs have also been developed for children to get rid of the fear of the dark through various games and others, for example, to help overcome the fear of speaking in front of an audience.
Filter information sources
There is a huge amount of information on the Internet that can exacerbate our fears. For example, if you are afraid of disease or terrorist attacks, try not to read the news. The flow of unnecessary information can make it difficult for us to overcome our fears and sometimes even force us to make the wrong decisions.
Seek professional help if necessary
Success in the fight against fear is not always entirely up to us. If you suffer from a phobia that prevents you from leading a normal life, it is recommended that you consult an experienced professional.
Burning
I think the name speaks for itself. Write what scares you on paper and hold a burning match to the sheet. Watch how the words are consumed by fire, the leaf darkens, curls up into a dark tube and then... disappears, leaving only dirty traces. Disappears along with your fear.
It seems paradoxical, but after this ritual, the thoughts that were on paper stop persistently spinning in the mind. They are destroyed in the physical sense of the word, expelled from your head, and therefore from life.
Art therapy
Who is the main enemy of fear? Of course it's laughter! Remember how in Harry Potter the little wizards fought a boggart (a creature that takes the form of something a person is afraid of). Hogwarts students mentally turned the scary into the funny. Why don't we try it too?
Take a piece of paper and visualize a nightmare. And then use your imagination. Gouache, watercolor, crayons will help you! When you add frills with bows, donkey ears and a cactus on your head to your personal monster (be it a critic, a harmful teacher, a tyrant boss), it will become problematic to be afraid of him, no matter what status and influence he has!
The same can be done in your imagination. A man is yelling at you, and you look at him and imagine how a garbage can has fallen on his head and cleaners are hanging from his ears. Now the screaming person will stop much nicer. You could even call him cute.
More information about art therapy is written in this article; there is also a method of understanding oneself with the help of books - bibliotherapy.
