Teenagers
Adolescence is a time of crises and discoveries that accompany the formation of personality. It is not for nothing that adolescence has become the most discussed period in psychological literature. The child finds himself in a new and completely uncertain situation: childhood is over, but the possibilities of adult life are not yet available. The crisis of adolescence is a bright but responsible time, one of the first turning points in life. And although teenagers strive for independence, they need the attention and support of their parents.
The psychology of a teenager has a fairly typical, but at the same time varied picture. Pubertal children think differently than adults: they have difficulty with self-control, are prone to taking unnecessary risks, and often misinterpret the attitudes of others. It would seem that just recently this was a sweet child, but now he has suddenly stopped making contact, constantly bickers, behaves withdrawn or even aggressively! Of course, such changes cause anxiety and irritation among parents.
To help a child safely go through the path of becoming his own “I,” the tactics of behavior with him must be very delicate. Thanks to modern advances in psychology and medicine, we have been able to “look” inside the teenage brain and see more clearly what the characteristics of the teenage psyche are. So what did we find?
Adolescence has rather blurred boundaries, but usually it is the age range from 12 to 17 years. Conventionally, younger adolescence is distinguished - 12-14 years old - and older - 15-17 years old. Neurobiological processes that occur during adolescence become a key behavioral factor.
One of the most interesting features of the teenage brain is the ability to change connections between different parts of the brain in response to events that happen in life. On the one hand, this contributes to a huge leap in the development of thinking and sensitivity. At the same time, constant change in structure leads to emotional instability and risky behavior.
Modern research tells us that problem behavior in adolescents arises from unbalanced functioning of different brain systems. We are talking mainly about two structures:
- The limbic system is responsible for emotions, sleep and memory. She becomes highly active during puberty.
- The prefrontal cortex is a part of the cerebral cortex that controls thinking, attention, and behavioral control. In adolescence, this structure is imperfect, does not function at full strength and reaches final maturity only by the age of twenty.
It turns out that young people experience a “gap” between emotions and common sense. Underdevelopment of the prefrontal region during adolescence explains the emergence of the main behavioral problems of difficult ages. This is not a sign of mental problems. Young people are not always able to correctly analyze a situation simply because important areas of their nervous system are not yet working as they should.
Psychology of a teenager: brief information
Psychology of adolescence is applicable to children 11-17 years old. This is the period of emergence of new personality traits. It is already customary to treat a child like an adult, but you still have to bear responsibility for him, like a child.
At this time, many parents lose contact with their children, plunging into a series of unproductive conflicts. On the other hand, parental connivance also causes serious problems.
Even if a teenager's communication style becomes unacceptable to parents, you need to continue talking to him. Have the strength to say no when you really need to. A lot of impulsive behavior happens in adolescence, so parents have to be constantly on guard. It is important to discuss with teenagers their intentions.
How to talk to a teenager so that a serious crisis does not happen. Do this in a friendly and business-like manner - as with an adult. Firmness is important in cases where the child begins to “skid”.
The psychology of adolescence is structured in such a way that the child resists any imposition in every possible way and tries to defend his freedom. They feel like adults and require appropriate treatment. Suspecting that they are being treated differently, they become indignant.
No matter how difficult it may be, teenagers need to be supported and gently controlled, even when you want to give up. Self-elimination can lead to even bigger problems that you will have to solve later.
Psychological help
Depending on the results of the consultation, the specialist may offer treatment for the identified disease or correction of certain psychological problems. It is important to understand that full-fledged psychotherapy requires a large number of sessions and a long course of treatment in general.
Possible correction methods:
- Family therapy. The psychologist tries to competently conduct a psychotherapy session with a teenager and his parents.
- Group therapy. In psychology and psychiatry, work in specialized groups is often practiced. This method helps fight social phobia and anxiety.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy is the most popular method of psychotherapy aimed at teaching the patient independent methods of dealing with the symptoms of disorders.
The choice of treatment method depends on many factors, including the severity of the psychological condition and the age of the patient.
Psychology of adolescence by year
So, what features does the psychology of adolescence suggest in different periods:
13-15 years old
While remaining essentially a child, he already feels matured. He feels a desire to be independent, showing it in every possible way. He actively thinks about his future profession, wants to feel his importance in the family and society.
The teenager experiences a high interest in the opposite sex. School maladjustment may occur due to difficult relationships with peers or teachers. Having entered the acute teenage period, the child moves away from the family, feeling more interest in friends and older comrades, who become an authority for him.
Having chosen a reference point that he wants to emulate, the teenager tries to become like him. It's good if the example turns out to be positive.
Teenagers, faced with many prohibitions in the family, begin to demonstrate isolation and alienation. At this time, it is important not to act with pressure and aggression - you should start establishing contact.
16-17 years old
This period is not any easier. The teenager has faced puberty, and now feels the burden of hormonal, social, and psychological problems. This period is not easy for both young people and their families. Parental task: to ease the child’s experiences, to help him cope with the stage of growing up.
How to do it? Tactfully and respectfully, since now the teenager has a very sensitive psyche. At this age, many young people try drugs for the first time, join dubious companies, and leave home. This is usually true for children who have not been able to find understanding from loved ones.
Hormonal changes cause many problems. Teenagers learn to re-accept their bodies and constantly experience mood swings, irritability, lethargy, and increased appetite. The manifestations will gradually go away on their own around the age of 19.
Psychological changes also occur. Everything that is proposed by parents is rejected, everything that friends advocate for is accepted. There is nothing to be done about it, this is how the psychology of adolescence works. This applies to style, choice of musical idols, slang, life goals. Not all teenagers are susceptible to this, but many of them are.
Thus, breaking away from his parents, the teenager tries to feel like an adult. Do you understand that it’s time for a moral conversation? It is unlikely that you will reach him; it is better to invite friends whose child is a little older. Ask him to voice at the table, casually, the thoughts that you want to convey to your child. This will have the desired effect.
At this age, boys and girls strive to protect their personal lives and inner experiences from any interference - this is natural for the psychology of adolescence.
It’s great if a child has a room that he can decorate as he wishes, where he can hide with a friend and listen to music in the dark. There must be a place that he will consider only his own. It is not advisable to enter his room without knocking, just like entering anyone else's room.
It will also be superfluous to show up with cleaning - at this age it is time for a teenager to take on it on his own. Don't want to clean your room? Wait until he wants to, joke with him about this topic, but do not violate the boundaries of personal space. If your child is sure that no one read his diaries and, in general, did not delve into his personal belongings, then he will feel protected at home and his trust in you will increase.
Diseases
Psychologists and doctors are aware of mental disorders that most often manifest themselves at the age of puberty.
Examples of disorders:
- Depression is a persistent decrease in mood. Patients are pessimistic, irritable and apathetic. The first symptoms of the disease often appear in childhood. The danger of depression lies in the possible transition of a melancholic mood into suicidal tendencies. Due to the characteristic features of pubertal psychology, symptoms of the disease cannot always be easily detected in a teenager.
- Anxious personality disorder is a pathology manifested by constant anxiety, complexes and inexplicable fears. A person develops avoidant behavior. Anxiety negatively affects the quality of later life and personal development.
- Borderline personality disorder is the most common mental illness in adolescents. The first symptoms usually appear between the ages of 16 and 25. Pathology is more often diagnosed in girls. Manifestations of borderline disorder include decreased self-control, antisocial behavior, impulsivity, and emotional instability. In general, the signs of the disease resemble accentuated adolescent personality traits, so diagnosis can be difficult.
- Mental disorders of the schizophrenia spectrum are the most severe pathologies. Unlike the above conditions, these diseases significantly impair the quality of life and often make a person disabled. Illnesses may manifest as hallucinations, delusional thoughts, erratic behavior and general disordered thinking.
Thus, the transitional period of mental development is dangerous for the formation of diseases, so it is important to monitor the teenager’s condition.
Teenage problems
What problems does the psychology of adolescence suggest in children of different sexes?
For girls
The girl does not yet have an autonomous morality; her morality is convective (imposed by others). In most cases, society instills in a girl that everything related to sexuality is shameful and dirty. At the same time, she experiences erotic fantasies for the first time, feeling ashamed and embarrassed about it.
In some cases, girls who feel attached to their fathers become jealous of their mothers. They do not realize that in many ways they bring discord into the family, attributing everything to a lack of understanding of their parents. A teenager wants romantic love, she thinks about intimate relationships, and is embarrassed by her first menstruation.
At this age, girls feel the need for recognition. They want to be beautiful, to conquer their peers and the world. At the same time, you have to suffer from imperfections in appearance and ridicule from classmates.
Many girls suffer from acne. Don’t watch condescendingly as she covers them with powder and don’t voice advice like “you need to wash your face better.” The right decision is to go with your daughter to a dermatologist and save her from at least one painful problem, because the psychology of adolescence involves already a lot of them.
A teenage girl demonstrates an explosive reaction to everything that she does not like, but at the same time needs understanding and support. A big mistake many mothers make is ignoring topics about intimate hygiene, contraceptives and other similar topics. Moreover, they need to be raised not at the age of 16, but already at 12, even if it seems to you that you have a “pure girl” who does not need to know all this.
Show your daughter that you will always support her, form a trusting relationship with her, and this will save her and you from many problems in the future.
In boys
The onset of adolescence is defined as 11 years of age. At this time, girls are trying out their first cosmetics and trying to position themselves as girls. Most boys still have games on their minds and are more interested in boyish fun than romantic dreams. At about 12 years old, a boy begins puberty and lasts until about 14-15 years old. He changes physically, and this entails psychological maturation. You may notice some shyness in your son. The slightest problems with appearance become a serious reason for him to be upset. His body is growing rapidly, and his movements are becoming angular.
The boy is easily offended; he experiences frequent mood swings. At times he feels like an adult, but suddenly he again feels like a baby in need of parental care.
In addition, he is confused by not fully understood sexual desires. The first idols of the same gender as him appear. Then an idol of the opposite sex appears - a singer, any other public figure. Gradually, the teenager’s interest turns to his peers, although he does not immediately dare to indicate his sympathies.
A young man going through puberty tries to defend his freedom, striving for independence. This doesn't mean that mom and dad need to really withdraw themselves. Although the child “fights” for freedom, he is afraid of it. According to psychologists, boys subconsciously want their parents to be firmer with them and teach them the right guidelines. Realizing that his parents' advice is reasonable, the young man accepts it. Now your child needs your trust.
Formation of one's own self
A full-fledged human self is often born in pain. It all starts with finding role models. A teenager does this all the time, comparing his own self with parents, peers, teachers, and idols.
Soon the teenager realizes that he differs little from adults, although he is forced to obey his elders almost meekly. From here arises a conflict, a desire to free oneself from the incomprehensible tutelage of “people like oneself.” The child begins to copy adults - acts, dresses in a similar way, drinks alcohol, tries to talk as equals, argues.
However, the psychology of a teenager does not yet clearly separate his own personality from others, and has little understanding of where the boundaries lie between personalistic identity and the outside world. This is why a teenager acts disrespectfully towards others and violates the rules of the adult world.
The inconsistency of the age of 12–14 also lies in the fact that the opinion of adults, against whom he rebels, is important for the youth. Moreover, parents still remain the main role models for their children. Therefore, it is important for elders to set a good example. If parents are impatient, love to make trouble, judge, and complain, it is not surprising that a teenage child will begin to do the same.
How to behave correctly with a teenager
Teach your teenager the right attitude towards business. Help him become organized, achieve his goals, and carry out everything planned. Teach him attentiveness, gentleness, and endurance. Many children in adolescence lack these qualities. The best learning is by example.
Teenagers are prone to pessimism: self-criticism, internal accusations. They reproach themselves for various mistakes, they are not confident in their own appearance and mental abilities. Think of it not as a teenage trait, but as a bad habit that needs to be broken. By giving up negativism, a person can more easily achieve big goals. Help your son or daughter love themselves.
What parental behavior is considered wrong in this case? A typical mistake, when faced with unwanted behavior of a previously obedient child, is to demonstrate uncontrollable aggression or demonstratively become emotional. This is where education ends. It turns out that the teenager’s negative behavior entails the family’s negative behavior, and this provokes the child to an even more negative reaction.
When a difficult age is accompanied by regular conflicts with others, this turns into a crisis of adolescence. The child is trying to prove that he is an independent person, separate from his parents. He tries to hide his personal life and experiences from his family so as not to feel controlled. In most cases, the crisis is inevitable and has no biological basis.
What is characteristic of a crisis? Teenagers demonstrate independence, autonomy, and make demands on their parents. Try to work ahead of the crisis. How to do it? By a difficult age, the child’s personality should be as fully formed as possible. Instill responsibility, parental authority, build positive friendships.
Symptoms
Parents can pay attention to suspicious behavioral traits of the child and contact a psychologist. Also, a teenager can independently complain about certain problems.
Early symptoms of disorders:
- isolation, social phobia;
- constant irritability, aggression;
- taking alcohol, drugs;
- insomnia or hypersomnia;
- constant weakness and fatigue;
- conflict behavior;
- sexual promiscuity;
- lack of a critical attitude towards oneself and one’s actions;
- constant fears, worries;
- self-harm, including minor cutting;
- decreased physical activity.
Not all of the above symptoms can be associated with mental illness. Some symptoms may indicate an incorrect diet, hypovitaminosis and the presence of a metabolic disease.
Overcoming a crisis period: advice from a psychologist
Take advice from a psychologist. What will help overcome the crisis?
To do this, the child will have to complete a number of tasks:
- Positive relationships with peers, friendships.
- Accepting your own appearance.
- Acceptance of one’s gender, awareness of what the female and male social roles are.
- Friendly, trusting contact with parents.
- Acquiring responsibility and initiative.
- Awareness of your abilities, choice of profession.
Without the help of parents, it is difficult to get through the crisis safely. Father and mother should recognize that their child is a separate, independent person. Change your behavior model if you see acute rejection of the previous model.
The above completed tasks indicate that the crisis has been overcome. The role of parents in this is great - a lot depends on their behavior. Does your son or daughter need advice or conversation? Don't push them away by thinking the problem is stupid and not worth bothering with. What is trivial to you can be incredibly meaningful to a high school student. Later he will understand the insignificance of the situation, but now it is of great importance to him.
Often a teenager unknowingly tests his parents’ strength. If you want to gain the authority and respect of your daughter or son, it all depends on your behavior. Prohibitions must be justified and observed. Warnings are real and implemented. It’s stupid to say: “I’ll kill you if you don’t come back on time and without warning,” or to threaten to “turn off the Internet” without subsequent implementation. The teenager begins to perceive all words spoken by his parents as empty. There is no longer any talk about authority and respect.
He should understand in advance what the consequences of violations are. Voice threats that you are ready and able to carry out - keep your word. For example, this could be deprivation of something for a certain time: computer games, watching TV, a short walk with friends, etc.
There's no point in getting carried away. Sanctions and punishments are extreme measures. It is much better if you establish a relationship of trust with your child. Trust, requests, a spirit of support, respect and cooperation are preferable to orders. It is difficult to achieve close and warm relationships if mistakes were made at the previous age stage.
Diagnostics
To undergo a professional examination, it is recommended to make an appointment with a psychologist or psychotherapist. The specialist will ask the patient and his parents about complaints, and will also study anamnestic information to identify risk factors for diseases. An initial consultation helps identify suspicious behavioral traits. To clarify the level of anxiety and depression, a psychologist can use standardized tests.
Additional diagnostic methods:
- neurological examination to exclude organic diseases of the brain that affect emotions and behavior;
- therapeutic examination to exclude pathologies of internal organs.
The purpose of an early psychological examination is to detect unfavorable personality tendencies that may subsequently become the cause of the manifestation of the disorder. Eliminating the disease at this stage of development can significantly improve a person’s quality of life. On the contrary, treatment of already established mental disorders can be difficult.
What can a teenager do?
If there are positive relationships in the family, it will not be difficult to keep a teenager busy.
Some options:
- Cooking together . Choose a dish that your child really likes - ask for help with its preparation. Cooking dinner with your parents is a great way to help your son or daughter learn teamwork skills.
- Board games . Currently, there is a huge variety of such games. This is a great pastime that lifts the mood and develops the thinking of a teenager. Choose a game that will appeal to all players.
- Attending interesting events in accordance with the preferences of the teenager . This could be a car exhibition, a concert, a trip to the cinema, an art exhibition, an exciting master class, etc.
- Sports . If you have an active child, then he will like some kind of amateur sports section. The choice is great!
- Hobby . If you feel the need to keep your teenager occupied with something, this indicates that he does not have a hobby that would absorb him to the fullest. Try to understand what your child likes and what he would like to do. Programming, football, tailoring, dancing, martial arts? Talk to him about it - every child should have a hobby.
Prevention
Preventing the development of mental disorders in adolescents is an important goal. Prevention should begin with the appearance of the first unfavorable behavioral and personality traits in a child.
Some methods:
- consultation with a psychotherapist at least once a year;
- adherence to sleep and wakefulness;
- solving problems of conflict behavior at school;
- teaching the child positive traits, such as the ability to be responsible for one’s own actions.
To obtain information about other prevention rules, it is recommended to make an appointment with a psychologist.
Communication is the main value
In the company of friends, a teenager truly socializes independently for the first time, occupying a certain place in a youth group, meeting peers of the opposite sex. Often the opinions of friends become very important. If friends drink alcohol, the teenager is ashamed to remain sober. However, the teenager is characterized by strong inconstancy, constantly searching for his own identity. Friends, companies, passions, idols can change often. And this is one of the features of adolescence, the psychology of a teenager.
The danger of being outcast
It is adolescence that manifests itself with all its force into intolerance and unwillingness to help someone who is very different. If a teenager has problems with appearance, expect trouble. There will definitely be those who will laugh, others will support “for the company.”
Such problems are not uncommon among teenagers. They are an important psychological characteristic of adolescence. Due to rapid hormonal changes in the body, 12-14 year olds often develop skin diseases and excess weight. Boys suffer from uncontrollable erections.
Becoming an outcast is very dangerous for a teenager. Everything can end not only in isolation, depression, neuroses, but even in real tragedy - a suicide attempt.
Remember! Boys' adolescence is more turbulent. They get out of hand more often than girls. Teenage boys are characterized by extreme self-confidence and the desire to contrast their own views with the opinions of others. However, contradictions remain. Individualism and isolation strangely coexist with conformism and dependence on the opinion of “one’s own” group.
Teenage boys more often begin to become very interested in something - they become “nerds”, athletes, musicians. At the same time, the teenager greatly exaggerates his own capabilities. A 12-year-old boy is endowed with the finest psychology. It's easy to break it.
Development of self-knowledge
The teenager begins to take an interest in himself, his abilities, evaluates and compares himself with others, and tries to understand his feelings. Taking into account the development of self-awareness, and trying to take a more advantageous position among peers, the teenager strives for self-education. He wants to have more positive qualities than negative ones. But little life experience and an unformed worldview provoke the development in a teenager of contradictions between the desire for self-education and the inability to realize it.
The child becomes aware of himself as a person in 2 stages. At first he realizes that he is different from his peers and belongs to the adult world. He can:
- imitate adults
- be dependent on peers.
At a new stage, a teenager:
- understands that he is no longer a child;
- gradually understands his personal characteristics;
- less dependent on peers.
The last point is extremely important. If peers force a teenager to do something against his wishes, he will be able to refuse them.
An important place in the development of adolescent self-awareness is occupied by the idea of one’s body image, as well as comparison of oneself with generally accepted standards of femininity or masculinity. Against this background, boys can do strength training, and girls can do gymnastics and dancing.
In the motivational aspect and behavior of a teenager, opposing aspirations are manifested:
- To be different from everyone else, especially when communicating with parents.
- Imitate a group of peers and follow fashion trends.
Self-awareness and the formation of the Self-image are closely related to the creation of the image of the Other. In most cases, this “Other” becomes a peer, communication with whom is extremely important for a growing child. This feature can specifically manifest itself:
- A cognitively simple teenager who superficially analyzes the inner world, identifies himself with his peers and emphasizes the similarities between himself and them.
- A cognitively complex teenager tries to understand the essence of a person, identifies himself only with certain peers and emphasizes his distinctive features.
Identifying with peers is normal and helps shape the “I-image” of every teenager. At the age of 13–14 years, this image loses its stability and integrity. The child feels this extremely acutely. To stop copying the behavior of others, an adult uses self-knowledge and introspection, while in a teenager these qualities are still developing. Because of this, the child experiences severe stress, which leads to the following problems:
- inappropriate behavior;
- decreased self-esteem;
- unstable development of the “I-image”.
Adults are obliged to help a teenager survive this difficult moment, to create optimal conditions for proper self-knowledge.