Limiting beliefs in our head

Beliefs are certain life principles that are a fundamental element of our thinking. They influence people's actions, like hypnosis. If we insist that life is full of suffering, our consciousness immediately rushes to search for confirmation (an accident occurred yesterday, people died, a beloved dog died, a girl left). Moreover, he doesn’t care what we have programmed ourselves for: laughter, joy or constant negativity. It is important for him that the world around him fully reflects the inner one. Often, the way of thinking creates a life scenario, preventing self-realization or enjoying what is happening around. In this article I will talk about what self-limiting beliefs are, how they arise in our heads, and also give a list of specific examples.

How negative life beliefs are formed

Everyone has strong beliefs about certain things - a list of rules that we follow. Such theories are adopted from parents or relatives who have special authority for the individual. A person adheres to the main theses, never subjecting them to criticism from the outside.

Attitudes are not always borrowed from others; they can be formed over the years based on observations and experience. At the right time, habits save you from an unpleasant situation, but sometimes they lose their relevance. Everything changes, and unnoticed by a person they slow down his psychological, physical and financial well-being.

Psychological techniques

For those who want to become persuasive, it is useful to know about such techniques and be able to use them. Often basic techniques are enough - for example, links to the majority. According to research, 85% of the world's population are conformists, for whom the argument of “correct” behavior is very powerful. It is enough to refer to the majority opinion or generally accepted norms, and the scales will tip in your favor.

The principle of contrast also works well - it is often used in sales. A person is offered objects with a very noticeable difference - in favor of what needs to be sold. Other effective techniques:

“second offer”: a person is made the first, obviously unprofitable, and he refuses, and then the second - a kind of concession (exactly what should have been achieved initially), and the opponent, “rehabilitating” after the refusal or making a compromise, agrees;
fast speech: if you speak clearly, quickly, you look more convincing - this can be learned in rhetoric courses;
reframing - “turning” a negative statement in a positive way, using positive rhetoric;
open questions with a positive answer - let the person speak out and get consent in principle, and then it will be easier;
visual and tactile contact - you need to be careful here, but if you break this invisible barrier, achieving agreement will become much easier;
strong arguments come last, then they will be better remembered.

On the negative nature of material possessions

I will describe the most banal but well-known principle “Money is evil.” The expression originated in the revolutionary years, when being well off was tantamount to executions and murders. People persecuted by the new regime were afraid and knew for sure that if you were rich, they would definitely come for you. Then this expression wandered from generation to generation and for a long time was commensurate with generally accepted methods of survival.

After difficult years, silence came and a new era of market and economic relations arrived. The installation became irrelevant, because having money allowed an individual to receive a good education, quality medical services, the latest technology or housing.

Is poverty a cause for shame?

Another common example that hundreds of people encounter every day is “it’s a shame to be poor.” A false, unfounded judgment. A person should feel shame for his actions or words that are offensive to others. If a person does not commit negative actions and his only trouble is that an impressive amount has not been set aside for a rainy day, it is not his fault.

This judgment, like a nail stabbing from the inside, reduces self-esteem, destroys consciousness, preventing you from believing in your capabilities and improving your material condition. People who are not embarrassed by anything, who perceive poverty and wealth equally, overcome difficulties much faster, more decisively and more effectively.

Human Beliefs

Each of our most firmly held convictions can be overthrown, or at any rate modified, by further advances of knowledge.

Thomas Henry Huxley

Have you, dear readers, paid attention to how much our lives depend on the beliefs that we consciously or unconsciously adhere to?
We very rarely look, or at least try to look, objectively at various events in our lives. In the vast majority of cases, we pass these events through the filter of our beliefs and thus distort them. And these distortions can negatively affect our perception of reality and our decision-making. At the same time, most of our beliefs came to us from somewhere and from someone. They were placed in us by someone. And only a small part of them is based on our own life experience. But even so, we must understand that our experience reflects only a small part of what happens in life. Therefore, you should not always trust your beliefs, no matter what they are based on. Thus, beliefs, like everything else, have their positive and negative sides. We have to deal with both. This means that the benefits of beliefs must either outweigh the harm they cause, or we must be able to completely abandon those beliefs that do not meet our interests, or revise and rethink them. We will talk to you about how this can be done in this article.

Beliefs are

First, let's find out what we are actually talking about when we talk about beliefs. Beliefs are a person’s stable system of views, which is based on his knowledge, life experience, faith, attitude towards anything, desires and ideas. In a deeper sense, a person’s beliefs are his picture of the world that he accepts and adheres to. By beliefs we can also understand a person’s basic ideas about the world, about life, about other people and about himself. With the help of his beliefs, a person navigates this world and makes decisions. If his beliefs are for the most part correct and adequate to reality, then his decisions will be mostly effective. If the beliefs are incorrect, then the person will make many mistakes in life. But no matter how correct a person’s beliefs are, they have one serious drawback - they are mostly static, and therefore they are beliefs, and not living thinking, which is always in search of something new. In this sense, thinking differs from beliefs - it is more effective in solving certain problems and tasks, as it allows you to find a new approach to them. Life does not stand still, and the world is not fully known, so it is extremely naive to believe that you know and understand everything, adhering to certain beliefs.

On the other hand, one cannot do without beliefs, including those based on faith. We cannot constantly question everything and each time take a new approach to issues and matters that we already know. We don’t have enough mental or time resources for this. Therefore, we need to rely on the knowledge and beliefs that we have in the form of beliefs that allow us to quickly navigate a given situation and understand how we need to act in order to solve the task or problem facing us. Thus, our beliefs are a map with which we can move from one point to another, making certain decisions. This map does not reflect reality as it actually is. It presents us with only a simplified model of it, which is only as accurate as our beliefs are reasonable. And the reasonableness of our beliefs largely depends on how well we are aware of them. Think about what exactly your beliefs are based on? What [tested] knowledge, beliefs, experience, values, etc. underlie them? How often do you think about the quality of your beliefs? How well do they help you achieve your goals in life? There can be many such questions. With their help, you can understand how accurate your model of the world is and, therefore, useful to you. It is largely based on your moderately conscious beliefs.

Are our beliefs always conscious, deliberate and useful to us? Of course no. Most of the beliefs that people hold are based on their blind faith in something. We believe in some things not because they are reasonable, adequate to reality and useful for us, but because we are simply accustomed to them and we like them. Here's a simple example. We want, for example, to believe in life after death, which is arranged in a certain way [life in heaven], and we believe in this life. Because we want to believe in it, we like it, it’s so convenient for us. But at the same time, we believe that we need to adhere to certain behavior in order to gain this life later, after death. Therefore we believe [some of us] that there is right and wrong behavior, the rightness and wrongness of which does not depend on its effectiveness, but on its compliance with the requirements by which we can gain life in paradise after we die. That is, it turns out that the goal in which we believe determines our behavior in the present. But at the same time, our behavior in the present may not meet our current interests. So think about how such beliefs, which are expressed in a person’s desire for unclear distant goals, to the detriment of closer and more tangible goals, can be considered conscious and reasonable. Meanwhile, many people evaluate their behavior this way. They compare it with the standard of behavior in their head, on which, as they believe, the quality of both their current life and possible subsequent life after death depends. In other words, they determine the correctness or incorrectness of their behavior not by the results that they receive thanks to it here and now, but by what they believe. I have given you only one example of beliefs that are quite dubious in their rationality, probably the most striking, given the number of people who perceive religion in a traditional way. In reality, there are many more such examples. After all, all people believe in something, know something, have experienced something. And everything they believe, what they know, what they have seen, heard, experienced, forms the basis of their beliefs, which will not necessarily be conscious, thoughtful and useful. But they will be quite durable, because people really value what they consider theirs.

Some of our beliefs may be illogical, but at the same time they are very stable, thanks to public opinion. It is of great importance to many people. Let’s say a person may adhere to the belief that lying is bad and sinful. And he may be absolutely uninterested in another point of view on this issue. Even if it is pointed out to him that he himself often lies and that sometimes his lies are necessary and that one cannot do without them in this life, he can still remain unconvinced. That is, his conviction regarding lies will remain unshakable. Why? Because this belief is an integral part of his picture of the world. His whole life is based on this conviction. Many of the decisions he once made and makes now are, to one degree or another, based on this belief. Do you think it is easy for a person to give up all this, especially if he has lived with this belief most of his life? Probably not. If he refuses it, then he will have to reconsider many of his other views on many other issues that are in one way or another connected with this belief of his. He will have to rethink his experience and reconsider his views on many of the decisions that he made based on his conviction. Can you imagine what kind of work this is? And what a discomfort from understanding that you have been mistaken for so long, considering the truth to be something that is not. And a person needs to cope with all this. For if, having changed his belief, he does not put things in order in his head, he will simply lose peace, he will be tormented by thoughts that, both on a conscious and unconscious level, will begin to conflict with his new beliefs. Therefore, many people prefer to stay with their old beliefs so as not to leave their comfort zone and not have to do difficult mental work.

There is another point - our Ego. We somehow don’t really like to admit that we were mistaken about something, didn’t understand something, didn’t know something. This lowers our self-esteem, undermines our authority in our own eyes, and feeds our uncertainty when making decisions in the future. This is especially difficult for people with a depressed psyche, because they already have so much negativity inside them that needs to be balanced with good thoughts about themselves in order not to become depressed. Therefore, admitting your mistakes and delusions in such a state is very difficult. And that is why many people resist everything that does not fit into their supposedly ideal picture of the world, in which they see themselves as very smart, good, correct, adequate and error-free people.

Now imagine how difficult it is for the same psychologist to encourage a person [client, patient] to think about his beliefs, understand how they are related to his problems that he wants to solve and begin to make the necessary volitional efforts to change incorrect beliefs to more constructive ones. Sometimes it feels like trying to break through a concrete wall with your forehead. But psychologists manage to do this when they show persistence and ingenuity. In such cases, it is not always possible to work from a textbook; you have to improvise a lot to find a way to the client’s mind.

So you see how much his beliefs mean to a person. These are not just things that we know and believe in - they are an essential part of our personality and our lives.

The meaning of belief

The point of any belief is to make our lives easier. You and I can philosophize for a long time about any basic statement that exists in this world; we can turn everything upside down, question, distort, refute, prove otherwise, thanks to our thinking. But we don’t have time, and some people don’t really want to do this. Therefore, you have to take a lot on faith and agree with those truths that only look like the truth, but in fact are not it. This makes life simpler and clearer. And this simplicity has its own practical benefits. The fact is that in our world, sometimes you need to react very quickly to certain events, without really thinking about them. To do this, you need to be able to correctly assess these events and select the most appropriate behavior pattern for them. This must be done quickly. This is where our beliefs help us, thanks to which we, within a short time, put everything in its place and make the necessary decisions. At the same time, we convince ourselves that we understand everything and are in control of everything, because we know exactly what is happening and what to do about it. Sometimes, of course, we are wrong, but in most cases our beliefs help us survive and achieve certain successes, so we value them.

There is another meaning in our beliefs - this is psychological comfort. We feel much more confident and smarter when we think that we know, well, if not everything, then a lot, or at least what we need for a normal life. In reality this is not the case. For not just an individual person, but all of humanity in general still does not know a lot about this world. But thinking that we know a lot, we believe that we can control a lot and can influence a lot. And thanks to this opinion, we are calm and sometimes even overly self-confident. Also, our psychological comfort is affected by the convenience of our beliefs. For example, if a person considers himself good, smart, talented, and so on, then he feels good about such an opinion about himself, right? Other people may see him as a completely different person and have a completely different opinion about him. But he doesn't need to know about it. He lives in his own fictional world, in which he likes what he sees in the mirror several times every day, both literally and figuratively. And another important point due to which our beliefs help us feel comfortable is associated with the laziness of the human mind. People don’t really like to think about something for a long time and gruelingly, to reason and reflect on something - for real, asking difficult questions and building complex structures out of them, and not just chasing other people’s thoughts over their heads or arguing about something with foam at the mouth. They don’t like it because mental work is very hard work, much harder than physical work. And people don’t want to do it unless absolutely necessary. It is much easier to turn to your beliefs when assessing this or that event and making this or that decision. Beliefs do not require external and internal dialogue from a person, unless he is going to rethink them. They simply exist and can be applied to different events and different people. You don’t need to think about it, at least not much.

This is the meaning of a person’s beliefs. Thanks to our beliefs, our life is relatively simple and comfortable for us. Although beliefs are different and some of them poison people’s lives. Therefore, you need to work with such harmful beliefs, independently or with the help of a specialist, in order to replace them with more useful ones.

The essence of belief

Now let's touch on a more interesting issue and talk about the essence of beliefs. The essence is the most important and essential thing in something. So, the essence of any belief is a person’s desire to live in an understandable and explainable world. This is the most important thing that our beliefs give us. Thanks to them, we have a stable model of the world in our heads. Without convictions, we would be forced to rediscover this world every time, studying its features as if we had just been born. At the same time, as I wrote above, beliefs make our lives easier. And the simpler the belief itself, the easier it is to accept. People love to paint everything black and white - seeing only good in some things, and only bad in others. And therefore they need beliefs that allow them to concrete their picture of the world with the help of eternal and indestructible truths. People don’t need such philosophical points of view as knowing that you don’t know anything. People want to know obvious things, the obviousness of which should not be questioned under any circumstances. In this sense, our beliefs make us visible in the darkness of ignorance and give us confidence in our own abilities.

How are beliefs formed?

Now we will consider an even more interesting and important question regarding human beliefs. This is a question of how they are formed, our beliefs. We must understand where what we consider to be ours came and comes from. This is easy to understand if you understand the essence and meaning of the beliefs that I wrote about above. Therefore, knowing what beliefs are for and what is most important in them, we can see and understand the pattern of their formation.

Beliefs are formed thanks to a person’s personal experience, his knowledge, upbringing, some significant events in his life that made a strong impression on him and made him believe in something, as well as thanks to social stereotypes and authoritative personalities whom a person believed and believes . All these sources of beliefs, to one degree or another, once influenced and continue to influence each of us. I don’t know if you believe that anyone, even the most brilliant person, brings into this world no more than ten percent of something truly of their own, but it is quite obvious that much of what we know and what we believe in has come to us from other people. This means that any information from the outside world, to one degree or another, shapes our beliefs. There is no point in classifying it somehow, although this is exactly what I did above to show you where we get what then becomes our beliefs. The main thing, in my opinion, is different here. We need to understand how our beliefs affect our lives. To do this, you can do the opposite - think, looking at your life, what led you to it. Our life has formed certain beliefs in us. And now they affect our lives, making it what it is.

Each person has his own experience of acquiring certain beliefs. Some people basically succumbed to public opinion and formed their beliefs based on it. For some, the main source of his beliefs were authoritative figures, for example, parents, teachers, mentors and simply people who were successful in something. And some people formed their beliefs mainly thanks to the books they read. Well, your life experience should not be discounted. He teaches us a lot too. For some, this experience underlies all of their beliefs, when a person believes mainly in what he himself once saw, heard, touched, felt, and so on. People are usually well persuaded by things that make a very strong impression on them. I mean something that evokes strong emotions and feelings. Logic and reason contribute much less frequently and to a lesser extent to the formation of beliefs. So that you understand this better, let's now talk about methods of persuasion.

Methods of persuasion

How to convince a person or people of something? There are many different methods to do this. I will tell you about some of them, which, in my opinion, are the most powerful and frequently used. First of all, it should be said that any methods of persuasion have one common basis - they are addressed to the needs and desires of people. It is easy to convince a person of something that, to one degree or another, meets his interests, desires, and needs. This means that a person can be convinced of anything, because any ideas can be associated with his interests, desires and needs. A simple example is the flat Earth. Why would a person have such a belief, especially if he knows that she is round? If he lives in a society in which it is important to adhere to the point of view of the majority in order to at least survive, and at most to gain someone’s support, then what difference does it make to him what the Earth really is? Let it be flat if others want it.

The point is not in the truth, but in what it gives to a person. Therefore, it is much easier for people to start believing in what is beneficial for them to believe or even vitally necessary to believe. For this reason, people always try to adhere to beliefs that are beneficial and convenient for them, rather than true ones.

Simplicity, certainty, and clarity are another very important criterion for most persuasion methods. People do not want to carry too complex mental constructs, theories, concepts in their heads. They don't need beliefs with variable truths, relative statements, variations of all sorts. It is easier for them to accept clear and precise statements that specifically talk about specific things. These people are good and these people are bad, this is right and this is wrong, this is true and this is false. And that's it, no options. These are the kinds of beliefs that can sit in the heads of many people their entire lives. Beliefs should be simple and easy, understandable and definite, and one might even say interesting, so that it is easy for people to remember and adopt them.

The next important point in methods of persuasion is, as I already said, the colorfulness, brightness of an event or some kind of statement. It is easy to convince people of something if you make a strong emotional impression on them. People need emotions, feelings, energy in which to clothe the truths conveyed to them. It is not for nothing that people believe more in the one who speaks, shouts, and swears the loudest. Sometimes it makes sense to even mention such qualities as courage, audacity and assertiveness, and even impudence, thanks to which many speakers convinced people of their views. There must be a sense of strength in convictions for most people to accept them, since strength in this world is a very powerful argument.

The next method of persuasion is based on the ability to lead a person to the necessary thoughts, attitudes, conclusions, without hurting his self-esteem, pride and Ego. You need to help a person in every possible way to save face, convincing him of something so that he does not consider himself stupider and weaker than you. This, in my opinion, is the most useful method of persuasion with which you can teach people something and help them solve their problems. This is exactly the approach I use in my consultations, because I have long been convinced that no matter what useful advice a specialist gives to his clients, most often they do not follow them, including due to their reluctance to follow other people’s advice and recommendations, to the detriment of their own own opinion and desires. This approach allows you to bypass many of a person’s psychological defenses and convey important thoughts to his consciousness. But it also has a drawback. It cannot be used if a person, a client, a student, a patient, does not want to think, reason, think. Or, even worse, he doesn’t know how to do it. Then no matter how much you push a person to useful thoughts, he still will not draw independent conclusions. Therefore, this method of persuasion is sometimes useless.

Logic is also often used to convince people of something, but it is not always well received. I can use ironclad logic to prove to a smoker that his habit is harmful. And he may agree with me on everything, but he still won’t quit smoking. Because my belief about the dangers of smoking will not become his belief, since he can understand everything with his head, but his body will push him to further harm his health. Logic helps to explain, chew, prove, but it is not capable of helping the mind of another person cope with his animal essence. In fact, all arguments addressed to reason in the process of persuading a person will be as effective as the person is reasonable. If he does not perceive logic well, if he is not used to thinking through his own or other people’s thoughts, then convincing him with the help of logic alone is pointless. Nevertheless, logic should always be present in the process of persuasion, at least the most elementary one. The human brain is designed in such a way that it always looks for connections between different statements. Thinking, of course, can be upset, as sometimes happens in religious sects, where a person can be instilled with such absurd, illogical beliefs that contradict all common sense that he simply forgets how to think correctly. In these cases, pseudologic and some other methods of persuasion are used. But in most other cases, normal logic is needed. Moreover, the simpler it is [consists of fewer links], the better. If A, then B - this is the easiest scheme for people to understand and accept. But the more complex the logical structure, the more suspicion it causes. For everything complex often turns out to be false. Most of us have been convinced of this more than once in our lives.

Repeating information over and over again is a relatively simple and very effective method of persuasion. If some idea is constantly being hammered into you, then sooner or later you will accept it, well, most likely you will accept it, because you will begin to consider it very important, since it is repeated so often. And since it is important, it means it is true. In any case, it must be remembered. And having remembered something, we then consider this information to be ours, and it becomes part of our beliefs. This is exactly how primitive advertising works, which convinces people a hundred times a day that this particular washing powder is the best on the market, so they need to buy it. Many people say that advertising does not affect them. And if you look, you will see that they are surrounded by advertised things everywhere. So, no matter what anyone says about this method of persuasion, it has always been and remains very effective.

Fear is a very effective way of persuasion. When people experience fear, they are ready to believe anything in order to get rid of it. They also remember well what is associated with the feeling of fear and try not to encounter those that cause it. For example, parents often use feelings of fear to convince a child not to do something that, in their opinion, he should not do. Myths and legends that appeal to people’s feelings of fear are also quite stable - they are believed in, referred to, when explaining strange and terrible phenomena, they scare. So this feeling, perhaps the most powerful of all, is used in many persuasion techniques.

Myths and legends are what most people's beliefs are based on. Even many historical facts often turn out to be nothing more than myths. And these myths form the basis of the beliefs of a huge number of people, who then make important life decisions based on these beliefs. So you can live your whole life blindly, never realizing that you were moving along a non-existent path towards an unattainable goal. The essence of this method is to turn to the past, to myths and legends, convincing another person, other people, of something. People willingly believe in something that has a very long history, something that many generations before them believed in. Well, the colorfulness and unusualness of the myth and legend, as I wrote above, gives it additional weight.

These are the methods of persuasion that I can present to your attention. In fact, there are many more of them. But these are enough to convince most people of almost anything.

Power of persuasion

Now let's talk about the power of beliefs. This power should not be underestimated. She is much more powerful than she seems. Most people are not driven by common sense, but by what they believe. And people can believe in anything, even the most absurd things. As I said above, I am absolutely confident that almost any person can be convinced of anything. Why do I think this? Because it is impossible to synchronize objective reality with the reality that is in a person’s head. We all live in imaginary worlds that are only partially a reflection of the outside world. Therefore, in any case, a person will adhere to some beliefs, regardless of who their author turns out to be. For we all need some kind of model of the world in our heads in order to navigate our environment. So beliefs are strong primarily because we simply cannot do without them. But what these beliefs will be is another question.

I repeat, people can believe in whatever they want. Therefore, if someone convinces a person that black is white, and white is black, then one should not be surprised that he will begin to consider this to be the truth. Never be surprised by the absurdity of someone's beliefs and do not go against a person if you see that he is not ready to give them up. Your picture of the world is true only for you, and other people may look at life differently and understand it in their own way. You need to be able to accept their views in order to find a common language with them. This is why I advise you to agree with people on various issues more often, if possible, rather than argue or convince them otherwise, in order to be able to come to an agreement with them.

The strength of a particular belief is often embodied in the form of violence. In this form, this power is easiest to see and feel. As soon as some authoritative personality instills destructive ideas in the masses, people will begin to do evil to bring these crazy ideas to life. This has happened more than once in history. Beliefs in such cases become social viruses that pass from one person to another and ultimately infect the minds and hearts of most people. Moreover, what is interesting is that even if these beliefs are absurd, the very fact that the majority of people believe in them helps to strengthen and spread them. It is easier for a person to join the majority, no matter what this majority believes, than to draw his own conclusions, and even more so, to try to convince this majority of something. Most often, strong destructive beliefs are picked up by weak people who want to feel strong with their help. In addition, violence against someone else is often a way of protecting against this violence. A weak person understands, or feels, that as long as the majority to which he belongs hates someone else, he is in no danger. Aggression and violence have always been a part of our society. But few people want to become their target.

A person’s beliefs are his program of action. And the closer this program is to the natural essence of a person, the easier it is for him to follow it. And aggression and the desire to commit violence against other people, mainly weaker ones, are part of our nature. That is why many leaders, manipulating the masses, turned more to their animal aggressive essence than to reason and virtue. It is easier for people to hate someone than to love someone. And by hating someone, and even more so by causing harm to someone, people feel strong. Most people have always needed an enemy because they do not want to be responsible for their own problems, failures, suffering, miscalculations, and stupidity. It's easier to blame someone else. And therefore, if they find this enemy, preferably in the person of someone whom they are able to punish, then people will willingly accept this idea. They will believe in evil, but will consider themselves good, because every evil can be justified. This is what those manipulators do who control the crowd through its aggression. They find them enemies, scapegoats and call for them to be punished. This is the strength and at the same time the danger of some beliefs - ideas embodied in physical violence.

But there is another, positive power of belief - the power of non-violence, the power of love, the power of goodness. A person can be convinced of the need to do good deeds, help other people, work for the common good, and lead a creative lifestyle. And although it is more difficult to convince a person of the need to be kind and good than to be evil and bad, we still see that our culture generally succeeds in this. Culture contrasts the natural aggressive essence of man with reason and virtue. Thus, a person can be programmed for any life by forming appropriate beliefs in him. This also expresses their strength - they make a person who he is.

And yet, what gives beliefs the greatest power is that they can be anything, regardless of objective reality. Beliefs can be good, that is, useful for a person and society, or they can be bad, bringing pain and suffering to people. However, their main quality is survivability. Whatever one may say, we cannot live without any beliefs. And the more durable a belief is, the more stable it is, and the more people adhere to it, the stronger it is. Moreover, most of our beliefs are based on statements, truths and facts that we ourselves are not able to verify. Essentially, most of our beliefs are based on our belief in something. Even what we know from our own experience can have different explanations. The only question is which explanation we will accept, which one we will believe. But we still have to accept some explanation for everything we see, hear, know. And when we do this, when we decide on our beliefs, we will give them power, allowing them to rule our lives. Therefore, your current beliefs largely control your life and your behavior. And if for some reason you don’t really like your life, then it makes sense to think about these beliefs and, if possible and necessary, reconsider them.

Other destructive attitudes about money

Here is a list of examples of limiting and negative beliefs from life:

Psychologist Daria Milai

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If a person has an expensive car, he earned it through criminal means. It is not possible to do this with your own mind.
All rich people are very lucky to be born into such a family, but I am destined to be poor.
Money is nothing but misfortune.
There have never been any rich people in our family, so I will also become one of the poor.
Financial success can be achieved by a person with good initial capital - inheritance, parental support, lottery winnings, sponsors. It is impossible to become a leader on your own.
To earn a round sum, you need to work for days, without straightening your back, without rest and sleep.
A highly spiritual person must certainly be poor. After all, wealth spoils us. Motivational speaker, author and presenter of popular personal growth programs Elena Blinovskaya, gives vivid examples of limiting beliefs that appear in our heads. She argues that the financial sphere is no different from other systems in our lives: relationships, friendships, or careers. Money has the same meaning and value as everything spiritual.

All these statements and thoughts limit our capabilities and prevent us from achieving success.

Law of retaliation

When you are given something that is of value to you, you in turn feel the urge to give back and give something in return (Note: the law does not say that if you give something to someone, you will automatically receive something in return) then in return. The Law speaks of a reciprocal desire to thank.)

It can be argued that we are all, to a certain extent, subject to the law of reciprocity.

Every Christmas, millions of people buy cards and gifts for other people just because they receive gifts from them and don't want to be embarrassed! From early childhood we were taught to respond to gifts. Moreover, the return gift should not be more expensive or cheaper. Have you ever received something more expensive for Christmas than what you gave yourself? In such a situation, you felt obligated to buy that person something else to make up the difference. This is a wonderful example of the law of reciprocity.

The husband feels obligated to do housework if his wife starts cleaning. The poor wife is exhausted, washing the floors, dishes, laundry and doing a lot of things around the house, while her husband, as if having forgotten about everything, watches football. But all this time the husband feels guilty, although he himself may be dead tired after a hard and stressful week. Feelings of guilt are triggered.

Skin care sellers give you free samples of their products to try, then come back about ten days later to hear your impressions and take your order. Most hand creams actually moisturize the skin. And if a woman who has used a trial portion likes the aroma of the cream, she will, without a doubt, buy at least one product from the seller.

This week, your neighbor dropped your kids off at school in his car. Next week you will feel the need to repay the favor. Each person has his own “bank of services”. This is a figurative name. Each of us has such a “bank”. It “stores” a certain amount of services that we are willing to provide to another person until “reimbursement” is required. If this person does not reimburse the fund for the services provided, we feel that he simply took advantage of us, and henceforth we refuse to help him.

You had a great evening visiting friends. Now you feel obligated to invite them to your place. Organizing a dinner for friends is a troublesome task. However, maintaining a relationship is even more troublesome and requires a lot of work. Accepting someone's invitation and not reciprocating usually means ruining your relationship with that person.

If you think a little, you will certainly find many examples of times when you have felt obligated to reciprocate the favor of other people, and this is not so much a property of “human nature” as the result of upbringing, which is very difficult to resist. The response does not necessarily have to be negative. It is obvious that our relations are built on reciprocal actions. Difficulties begin when retaliatory actions turn into manipulation.

There is nothing wrong with giving or accepting gifts from others. But it's clear that people don't like to be obligated or feel the need to "give back." How do you feel when you find yourself in a similar situation? How do you feel when someone gives you a gift? When you receive a gift for a holiday (for example, Christmas), but you yourself cannot give anything in return?

Common female misconception

Beliefs cover many topics. But one of the most common topics remains the topic of interpersonal relationships. Many girls say that men cannot be trusted. In ancient times this statement may have made common sense. By adhering to this idea, a woman could protect herself from extramarital affairs, which were strongly condemned by society, unplanned pregnancies, and illnesses. In addition, she could successfully marry and maintain her reputation as an unapproachable woman.

Now everyone has access to effective methods of contraception, and they look at the face of the opposite sex much more confidently.

Law of Conformity

People accept offers, products and services that receive the approval of the majority of people around them and their peers.

Speaking about the law of conformity, we can distinguish three main categories of people:

Conformists.
Nonconformists.
"Independent".

Conformists make up about 85% of all people. Conformists are interested in what others think of them, and they strive to be accepted by society. Conformists often belong to one of the broad groups or organizations that receive support and approval from society.

Catholics, Lutherans, Republicans and Democrats are examples of mass conformist groups.

When one person at a concert begins to applaud, it is almost impossible for other people not to follow suit.

Public opinion is very easy to sway. People are desperate to follow the majority. Like a sea wave, they either rush forward together, then return back. And the Master of Persuasion can take advantage of this.

Nonconformists make up about 10% of all people. They seek to rebel against social norms accepted in relatively large groups.

Nonconformists stick together. They separate themselves from the bulk of the population with its belief system. They end up establishing their own rules and regulations and thus become conformists within their group.

“Independents” tend to believe that being a conformist is bad. They rarely join together. Entrepreneurs often belong to this group. Unlike nonconformists, “independents” do not rebel against conformity: they use the standards and opinions of conformists for their own purposes.

In almost all cases of life, people try to follow generally accepted norms so that society will accept them. This is why it is so easy to whitewash people who are guided by the principle of conformity.

Other negative attitudes in love

There are other negative life beliefs that prevent us from enjoying unions or, in general, entering into a relationship:

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All men are bad. Usually such prejudices are formed on the basis of bad experiences. Unworthy options come across all the time. In all relationships, the same scenario will be repeated until the woman realizes the urgent need to get rid of established principles.
It’s not only girls who speak negatively about the stronger sex. Men are also full of thoughts that women are mercantile and they only need the financial part of the union. The presence of such an idea leads to the fact that the guy programs himself for a scenario where he will definitely come across ladies who are not indifferent to his wallet.
“I am unworthy of true love and happiness.” If you have such an association, seek help from a specialist. I will help you get rid of limiting foundations and restore faith in yourself, sign up for my consultation. As soon as such a woman meets a good man, she plagues him with suspicion, jealousy and uncertainty about his sincerity. Relationships are full of quarrels and clarifications. Often such couples break up on the initiative of the lady herself, who has come up with too many problems for herself.
“There is no romance in the world now.” There are no such ideal relationships as in the old movies. The modern romantic approach is no worse than the past.

Association Law

We generally like products, services, or ideas that are endorsed or promoted by people who inspire us with sympathy and respect.

If we like people advertising a product, we develop positive associations with that product. Regardless of its quality, we often buy such a product because of the advertisement that a famous person made for it. (But only the first time. The second purchase is a different matter, and we'll talk about it later.)

Music is an amazing phenomenon that can evoke a variety of memories. To this day, my mother cannot listen to the song “I'll Be Home for Christmas” without crying. Her brother died during World War II, and she learned about it when she listened to this song. Often music is associated with the story of love and romantic relationships. Many married couples have a song that they consider their “love song.” Songs bring back memories and allow people to relive how they felt when they first heard the music, even if it was many years ago.

During presidential election years, candidates often rely on the words of former presidents from the opposing party in their speeches. .This is a great tactic to use in debates. Republican candidates often quote super-popular Democrats such as John F. Kennedy. Such references evoke a positive response in the minds of Democrats and, in particular, people who once supported Kennedy. Skillful use of this technique guarantees the candidate additional votes in the elections.

Destructive career ideas

Have you noticed how many talented, gifted individuals in your circle who know their profession well, are best versed in the material, but, alas, do not occupy leadership positions. What do you think is stopping them from succeeding? Certainly! Internal beliefs. And here is a small list of them:

To get a promotion, you need to have a higher education, but I don’t have it, so I’ll always be an ordinary employee.
Only true professionals can succeed. To be like them, I need to have three higher education degrees, defend a dissertation, take a lot of advanced training courses, and perhaps then I will begin to put my skills into practice.
Under no circumstances should you upset your family. I must go to the educational institution that my parents want and advise.
You need to try or start something when you are young. At 30, 40, or especially 50, it’s too late. Old people are not in demand anywhere.

Law of Expectation

When a person in your authority expects you to perform a certain task or achieve a certain result, you will try to meet his expectations, whatever they may be.

In early January 1991, Israeli citizens were issued respirators to protect them from chemical weapons that could be used by Iraq. After Iraq fired ballistic missiles (January 16, 1991), dozens of Israelis went to hospitals complaining of the symptoms they were told about. These symptoms appear as a result of the action of chemical weapons. The interesting thing is that no chemical weapons were used that day. This example shows that the law of expectation has enormous power. In this case, consequences were observed that were directly opposite to the well-known “placebo effect” (a placebo is a harmless substance that imitates a drug in appearance).

The placebo effect is best illustrated with the following example. During the Korean War, thousands of people were injured. When morphine supplies ran out, the wounded were given a placebo (sweet pills, etc.) instead. Some reports show that 25% of soldiers who received a placebo experienced relief from pain, although there was no medical reason for this.

About myself and life

In addition to the above two categories of restrictions in the personal and professional sphere, there are also those that relate exclusively to our personality. Eg:

I've been so unlucky since I was born. That's why nothing works for me.
Beauty standard 90x60x90. My figure is far from these parameters, so I will never be considered beautiful. She hasn't grown up yet.
Each person thinks only about himself and his own benefit in a certain matter.
The world is definitely designed in such a way that some have everything, and others have nothing.
Everyone carries their own cross.
Being is running in a vicious circle.

How to discover your “inhibiting” attitudes?

Quite often, attitudes reveal themselves in speech. Both addressed to others and directed towards oneself.

Perhaps the attitudes speak in us if we:

we often use the word “should” instead of “want”;
we react excessively emotionally to some not very significant events;
we like to generalize (“they are all like this”, “it always turns out this way”, “no one loves me”);
we throw around stereotypical phrases and sayings (“the grave will correct the hunchbacked one,” “if you know a lot, you will soon grow old,” “a bird in the hand is better than a pie in the sky”).

Negative attitudes that parents instill in their children

Almost everyone has prejudices that interfere with life in adulthood, but were formed while living with parents or relatives. Such principles are most firmly fixed in the mind, because a person has been guided by them for decades. You may recognize yourself in the following list:

my onion grief;
you are exactly like your father;
if you are not flexible, you will not communicate well with your peers;
You are so selfless, you are ready to give away everything you have.

Getting rid of destructive ideas

Sooner or later, parting words from within begin to significantly harm a person. He is content with the little he has. He loses the opportunity to move on, constrained by established boundaries. How to get rid of imaginary attitudes? The first step is to learn to notice the root of beliefs. For example: when a difficult situation arises, and you set yourself up to “I can’t”, you need to cast aside doubts and tell yourself “oh no, I will succeed.”

We should imagine the opposite of what consciousness imposes on us, trying to eradicate the negative. Of course, achieving success in a matter of days will not be possible. Sometimes it takes psychologists years to rid a person of principles that he has used for decades. Every new thought must be challenged. Who said that it is impossible to do what was planned? Why should everything happen this way and not according to another scenario? I build my own life - everything planned will happen according to my desires, any other development of events is unacceptable.

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Law of Contrast

When two objects (phenomena) differ in any way from each other, we notice this difference the more strongly the closer these objects (phenomena) are located in time or space. Trade workers often use the principle of contrast due to its effectiveness.

“Before we see a $120,000 house, we will be shown a $90,000 house.” If both houses are in similar surroundings, the advantages of the more expensive one will be more noticeable, and they will become a trump card in the hands of the real estate seller. Moreover, this will be the last house that will be shown to you. People remember best what they saw or heard last, not what they saw or heard first. And if the last house turns out to be nicer than the first, the more inexpensive one will look gray against the backdrop of the vivid memory of the last house.

The clothing salespersons in the store will first of all offer you a suit, and then, in addition, items such as socks, sweaters, etc. The cost of additional items ($20-60) seems small in comparison with the suit for which you paid 400 dollars. No one will sell a product for $60 first and then, “in addition,” offer you a suit! After all, what's a $400 suit without a nice tie?

Employees of fast food restaurants take your order, and only then offer additional dishes: “Would you like some chocolate chip cookies?” Thus, the sales level increases by 10% or more! Compared to the amount of the main order, the additional one seems inexpensive. You will never hear a restaurant employee say the following: “Would you like a salad? He's very helpful." You will be offered cookies that you would not buy yourself because you are watching your figure. It's much easier to say yes than to say, "And a bag of chocolate chip cookies, please." Why? Because we are embarrassed to order something we don't think we should eat. At the same time, we were taught from childhood that a polite person accepts what is offered to him!

When you buy a $1,000 sofa, you pay $50 on top of that for furniture care products, right? The furniture seller will certainly tell you that a care product is simply necessary for such a valuable purchase; this is an elementary requirement of common sense. (Of course, he may not tell you that furniture care product can be bought anywhere and much cheaper!)

When you buy a new Visa card, you pay $30 annually to register all your cards in case of theft. In addition, you make monthly contributions to the insurance fund. This money seems small to us compared to what we get in return.

There are many examples of how to “get huge benefits for little extra cost.” However, the law of contrast can be applied in another way. Consider, for example, the case where two very similar products appear on sale at completely different prices in order to force the consumer to buy the less expensive one.

Think about what purchases you've made recently and what additional items have been offered to you. Think of a time when you knew about additional products, but the seller did not offer them to you. Why did he do this?

Replay the situation

Sometimes they resort to trance or in-depth study of thinking in order to return to the origins at the moment when a person formed a parting message. For example, parents often taught that those who have wealth are definitely swindlers. You should find a refutation of this principle, because even among your friends there are many individuals who managed to make a fortune with their own brilliant mind. Another example: “My mother considered all men to be crooks,” this means that she was simply unlucky to meet the one.

The Importance of Visualization

To get rid of limiting beliefs, the list of which includes the topic of friendship, love, career, it is necessary to reprogram the consciousness. A visual approach is best. For example: you associate negativity with a gray, rainy day, lilac blossoms or a big storm at sea. Verbal arguments may be powerless in the face of visual symbols.

When thoughts that cause discomfort arise in your head along with association pictures, let them go and imagine only what you want.

Law of Influence

The degree of influence of some people on others depends on the authority, strength and competence of these people in the eyes of those who experience this influence.

Doctors have great influence. Usually people take their words with great confidence. Dr. Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, does a good job of showing how much authority a doctor has in the eyes of nurses. When a doctor calls a hospital and asks them to give medicine to patients, even if it is prescribed by mistake, 95% of the nurses follow the doctor's instructions, contrary to the hospital's rules. This is the power of influence.

The auto mechanic becomes an influential person in the eyes of the consumer. The fate of the machine is in his hands, and for anyone ignorant of mechanics, his word is immutable. If he tells you that you need to adjust something, you are more likely to listen and follow his advice.

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Method from NLP: “Meta-Yes” and “Meta-No”

Simple steps can change your thinking to a positive one:

It is necessary to identify the limiting principle and rate it on a scale from 1 to 10.
Imagine it as a physical object - a tent, a stone, a billboard with an inscription.
Choose any thing to which you say a firm no. For example, would you sell your soul?
Practice saying this firm refusal without shouting.
Then return to the limiting principle to which you have given physical form and say your Meta-Net. Do this until it is far beyond the horizon.
Next, imagine the person you always say “yes” to. Mom, dad, child, husband, sister.
With your Meta-Yes, lure the positive attitude so that it comes closer.
Give this “yes” a physical meaning and fix it in your head.
Check how old the understanding is still relevant using the same scale from 1 to 10.
Repeat the above steps if necessary.

Law of Rare Opportunity

When the quantity of something we need is limited, its value increases in our eyes.

The Law of Rare Opportunity is widely used in television advertising. Typical advertising phrases: “while supplies last,” “only on Sundays,” “limited quantities,” “only 10,000 in stock,” and others are statements that hint at a quantitative limitation and a rare purchasing opportunity. .

People sincerely believe that the car dealer will raise prices at the end of the week, and they will never again be the same as today!

A salesperson who wants to meet with a client in a management position may take advantage of the law of rare opportunity and hint to the client that he has a very busy schedule. On such and such days and at such and such times he is busy, but there are options. “On Friday and Monday I can’t, but on Tuesday, at 15.15, I will have twenty minutes free. Will this suit you?

The girl is tired of her boyfriend. However, as soon as he shows interest in another girl, she wants to date him again. The possibility of losing a young man gives him value in the eyes of his girlfriend.

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