The science of love: how relationships are built

Science is trying to explain the emergence of love by chemical reactions in the brain. On the website of the American anthropologist Helen Fisher (helenfisher.com) you can get acquainted with the results of studies of romantic love from the perspective of biochemistry, physiology, neurobiology and evolutionary theory. Thus, it is known that falling in love reduces the level of serotonin, which leads to a feeling of “love-sickness,” and increases the level of cortisol (the stress hormone), which makes us constantly feel anxious and excited.

But where does our confidence come from that the feeling we experience is love? This is still unknown to scientists.

Components of Love

Each of us faces relationship problems at different stages in our lives. As American psychologist Robert Sternberg noted, he was never good at love matters, so it was important for him to understand the phenomenon of love. Based on his research in 1986, the psychologist proposed a three-component theory of love, which was tested in 25 countries.

The main components of a love relationship are intimacy, passion and commitment. Together they form a love triangle.

Triangle of love

Intimacy: connection, trust, caring, respect, sharing, compassion.

Passion: a strong need to be with a person, possessiveness, the inability to imagine your life without your partner.

Commitment: the decision to be with a person always, despite all possible problems.

Each component of love manifests itself at different times. In childhood, we experience intimacy - we make our first friends with whom we share our secrets. The feeling of passion covers in adolescence. During the period of our first loves, we lose our heads and completely dissolve in the object of our desires. Obligations overtake us in adulthood.

In a relationship, the components of love can be represented equally, or one component can dominate - the triangle can be balanced or unbalanced.

Balanced love triangle
Types of Unbalanced Love Triangles

Love and philosophy

Since time immemorial, on all continents, in all cultures, love is a great force that forms the basis of relationships between people. Literature, music, poetry, cinema draw inspiration from love stories.

From “Eugene Onegin” to “A Hero of Our Time,” from “Tristan and Isolde” to “Romeo and Juliet,” world culture is shaped by love stories.

Experiencing a love shock is a state of grace that transports people to another reality and forces them to leave their comfort zone.

And yet, for a long time, philosophy looked with caution at this strange passion , which can both elevate and destroy a person.

Many people saw cheap romanticism and naive sentimentalism in conversations about love. Others spoke of it as a mysterious feeling that keeps the world from destruction.

Since the development of mankind, the humanities have tried to define the elements of love, establish its laws, decipher them and trace their history.

In psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud and Jacques Lacan analyzed passion and desire. Evolutionary psychology has explored the functions of sexual desire, “romantic love,” and their connections to emotion.

Modern philosophers have taken as a basis the old philosophical school - the search for happiness in life.

How to achieve a good life in a world where there are so many wars and so many disasters? The search for happiness and tranquility, the central subject of ancient philosophy, returns to the fore.

Love again becomes a subject of study for philosophers.

Involvement in relationships

If a person is truly involved in a relationship, then he makes efforts to maintain and develop it. This is reflected in intimacy, passion and commitment, so using the love triangle we can measure commitment in a relationship.

When a person is involved in a relationship, all the components of love are in the desired places: intimacy, passion and commitment are at the right level, so a triangle is formed in the desired shape.

Ideal Engagement

It is possible that a person lacks intimacy, passion, or is not satisfied with commitment. There is a desire to get more than you currently have - this is typical for insufficient involvement.

Lack of engagement

In a situation of excessive involvement, on the contrary, you get much more than you need, so such relationships begin to depress and frighten you.

Overinvolvement

Also, the shape of the triangle may not match the shape you would like to achieve. This happens when the desires and interests of partners do not coincide. For example, there may be a lot of passion in a relationship, but there is a need for intimacy.

Wrong involvement

R. May's theory of love. Family psychology

R. May points out that in the West there are traditionally 4 types of love:
• sex, lust, libido;

• eros, love as the desire for reproduction or creativity - the highest, according to the ancient Greeks, forms of being and relationships between people;

• philia, or friendship, brotherly love;

• agape, concern for the good of another person, the prototype of which is God's love for man.

Any human feeling of true love is a mixture (in varying proportions) of all four types of love. According to the author, eros (life-giving, meaning-creating force-energy, movement, striving forward) saves sex (satisfaction of physiological needs, attenuation of desire, apathy) from self-destruction. But eros cannot exist without affection (philia), brotherly love and friendship. The tension of constant attraction and constant passion would not be great

Text taken from the psychological site https://psylib.myword.ru

wearable if it never stopped. Affection is relaxation in the presence of a loved one, based on recognition of that person; this is a state when we like to be with another, we like the rhythm of the gait, the voice, the whole being of the other. This gives eros breadth, it gives it time to grow, time to take deeper roots. Affection does not require us to do anything for the person we love, other than just being close to him and having fun with him. This is friendship in its simplest and most immediate manifestation. Philia, in turn, presupposes aha-pe.

The author defines agape as a high appreciation of another, as concern for the well-being of another without any benefit for oneself, as selfless love, similar to the love of God for man. However, agape always carries the risk of patronizing (this is necessary and can be accepted). However, every type of love involves caring, and this gives the long-sought meaning to life itself.

What is Love? Physiological arousal? Feeling? Attitude? Unforgettable experience? Knowledge about yourself and others? Meaning of life? The end of life or its beginning? The considered studies of love and theories of love based on them attract the interest not only of psychologists, but are relevant for every person. There are many points of view on love, as well as planes of life experience, forming a single field of love. Love is both abstract and concrete; both endless and fleeting; both physiological and spiritual. The subject of the psychology of Love for research is multifaceted, contradictory and endlessly difficult, but it also attracts generous rewards for the scientist and the ordinary person.

Questions and tasks for independent work1. List the reasons for the idealization of partners during courtship.

2. Is it true that the ability to love is closely related to self-actualization?

3. Do you think that emotional behavior in people is strictly controlled by internal mechanisms or determined by culture?

How components change over time

At the beginning of a relationship, when you are just getting to know each other, intimacy increases, but at a certain point it reaches a plateau. This is inevitable, so for all couples at this point the question arises: will they be able to restore intimacy to the previous level, or are they satisfied with the current level?

Passion, like intimacy, grows at the beginning of a relationship. It acts as motivation, so over time, like any other motivation, it fades away. It is also possible to view passion as an addiction, which becomes increasingly difficult to satisfy over time: if at first one cup of coffee invigorates and gives you strength, then over time you will need two cups of coffee to achieve this effect.

Changes over time are characteristic not only for the components of love, but also for some of its attributes. Over time, the importance of:

exchange of values;
desire to change in response to partner requests;
willingness to tolerate each other's shortcomings;
similarity of religious beliefs.

In turn, interest in each other decreases, the importance of communication with the partner’s parents decreases, and partners are less likely to listen carefully to each other.

Do, don't say

Partners should discuss their relationship regularly to quickly identify problems. Let’s say, discuss important issues once a month. This gives partners the opportunity to get closer and make the relationship more viable. “Couples who hold such meetings regularly have almost no problems, as they quickly resolve all difficulties. They learned to love with their heads and hearts.”

When 42-year-old Oleg and 37-year-old Karina met, their relationship was filled with passion. They felt a strong physical attraction to each other and therefore considered themselves soul mates. The fact that they see the continuation of the relationship differently came as a surprise to them. They went on vacation to the islands, where Oleg proposed to Karina. She perceived it as the highest manifestation of love - it was what she dreamed of. But for Oleg it was just a romantic gesture. “He did not consider marriage a manifestation of true affection - now Karina knows this well. – When we returned home, the question of the marriage ceremony did not come up. Oleg simply acted on the spur of the moment.”

Oleg and Karina tried to sort out their differences with the help of a family therapist. “It's not something you want to do when you're engaged,” says Karina. “But on our wedding day, we knew that we had thought carefully about every word we said. Our relationship is still full of passion. And now I know that this will last for a long time.”

Varieties of love

Not all three components may be present in a relationship, so different combinations produce different types of love.

Types of love

Sympathy: a person feels only closeness and respect towards another - characteristic of good friendship.
Falling in love: arises due to the outbreak of passion, without the appearance of intimacy and commitment, it subsides as suddenly as it appears.
Empty love: love without passion or intimacy. Some forms of love eventually transform into empty love.
Romantic Love: At this stage, there is intimacy and passion in the relationship, but there is no commitment that can sustain the relationship.
Companionate love: A type of love that can be seen in long-term marriages.
Fatal love: this can be either simple courtship or marriage, but in this love, obligations are built only on passion.
Perfect love: the ideal relationship that people strive for.

Six styles of love by John Lee

Canadian psychologist John Lee compared different love styles to a “color wheel.” In his opinion, just as there are three primary colors in the color spectrum, there are three main styles in love:

- Eros - love for an ideal image, both physical and emotional; most often based on physical attraction.

- Ludus is a type of love that is played as if it were a game, or as if they were participating in some kind of competition (which often leads to the simultaneous presence of several partners).

— Storge is love that often arises on the basis of friendship and develops into deep affection.

Just as the three primary colors of the color spectrum combine to create complementary colors, combinations of the three primary love styles create new variations, such as:

— Mania is a combination of love-eros and love-ludus, or obsession. It involves powerful emotional ups and downs, intense jealousy and strong possessiveness.

- Pragma combines ludus and storge - this is practical, rational love. Each partner in such a couple wants to achieve a certain goal. The expectations for this relationship are carefully considered, measured, and realistic.

- Agape is a combination of love-eros and love-storge. This is an all-consuming and selfless feeling.

The image of an ideal partner

Each of us has ideas about what we would like our soulmate to be like: what she should look like, how to behave, etc. People’s problems arise due to the discrepancy between what they want and what they have: ideas about our ideal partner do not coincide with reality.

Studying the relationship between a real and an ideal partner, R. Sternberg came to the following conclusions:

The sympathy and love experienced do not depend on ideal ideas about the partner.
Your satisfaction in a relationship depends not on how you treat your partner, but on the difference between what you want from your partner and what you get.
Most often, your ideas about your partner’s thoughts and desires do not coincide with reality.
Your happiness in a relationship does not depend on your partner's thoughts and desires.
There is not much connection between how partners feel in a relationship and how they feel.
The differences between the image of an ideal partner and a real partner are in many ways more important than the partner himself.

The main message of the study is that we can all be good partners. Much of what makes people happy depends not on their partners, but on their ideal images. Even if your partner is very good, if you have high expectations, you will be unhappy in the relationship. On the other hand, if you don't demand too much, it's easier to build healthy relationships.

Abraham Maslow's Theory of Love and Motivation

Each personality has specific groups of hobbies. By constantly implementing them, a person reaches great heights, feeling satisfaction in life. For this to happen, motivation is required. Dozens of concepts have been created on this matter, but the most popular is Maslow’s theory of motivation.

What is Maslow's pyramid

The pyramid of needs formed the basic motivation system. Thanks to it, everything a person needs is clearly displayed. This model has another name - Maslow's ladder. This comparison is not accidental, because the individual slowly rises through each step, gradually moving to a new level. If the most base requirements are not satisfied, then others will not be realized.

But it is important to realize that the scientist did not share the growth of the horizons of all people and each person individually. Each of us is an individual. Therefore, there are no specific plans that apply to humanity as a whole.

The meaning of the pyramid hierarchy

Maslow's needs motivation is identified by researchers with the pyramid of power. It is based on the existence of material values in humans. The more there are, the more power is required.

Hierarchical thinkers love to use this form of needs. They are confident that success is built solely on competition. The more active she is, the higher the chance of getting to the next step. In theory, a person will feel happy.

Joys are simple:

Physiological and spiritual hobbies in the pyramid

The psychologist in his scheme proposed two types of needs:

physiological;
spiritual.

Each of us moves from easy to difficult. The teaching is based on primary instincts:

The next step is the need for safety and order. The third level deals with dreams of being loved and loving. Over 90% of the Earth's inhabitants stop at this position.

Next, a fourth level is assumed, where a person participates in the development of society and civilization. He wants recognition. At the top of the pyramid are self-realization and improvement.

Movement on steps

Motivation according to Maslow involves moving to the following groups of needs like this: a person refuses food for a week. For this reason, he thinks about finding food, and not about self-realization. He is simply not interested in anything else.

When an individual has enough food and water resources, only then does he think about safety. He needs clothes to stay warm. Or an apartment in which he will wait out bad weather. This also includes cash savings and the goal of generating growing income. This is the stability that every person is drawn to.

Love in a pyramid

What other passions do people have? They wish great and sincere love. After the initial needs there is a desire for development. The individual is captivated by the goal of being loved and loving.

At this stage, mutual understanding is sought from other people. The professor believed that love cannot be equated with intimate attraction. Further personality formation becomes impossible if a person does not love anyone. This is compared with a lack of beneficial vitamins for the body. If you carefully observe a small child, it will be clear that the proposed theory is correct.

What types of love does Maslow identify? They are divided into the following groups:

Scarce love. This type is characteristic of selfish people, because... a person, even through forbidden means, wants to get what he needs.
Giving love. The individual in this example of behavior already understands how unique each person is and accepts his life values.

Self-esteem

When a person has learned to love and receive love from others, he dreams of respect. It is divided into two groups:

approval from others;
self-esteem (this includes the desire to achieve goals, professionalism and freedom).

If a person is treated with respect by other people, then he has a feeling of importance and high status. If you have low self-esteem, it is unlikely that you will be able to act effectively. Therefore it needs to be increased. In addition, it is important to feel useful.

Self-improvement as the top step

Self-improvement is at the top of the needs model. In other words, this is a kind of urge to be who you can. To achieve this level of development, you need to realize your needs and abilities. Abraham Maslow said that only a few would achieve this level. This fails because no one believes in their own potential. Everyone is afraid to discover new talents in themselves, because... not ready to achieve success.

The environment also plays a role. In the right society, a strong person will quickly develop his skills. This evolution can be traced from childhood. In a problematic environment that needs nothing, there is no desire to realize oneself. In this case, Abraham recommended changing his social circle.

Individual approaches to achieve goals

Necessity groups can be implemented in other ways. The individual model often differs from the generally accepted one. For example, the dissatisfaction of any base needs, but at the same time the person moves forward and achieves results.

Years later, Maslow recognized that parallel sets of needs could emerge. For example, self-esteem and the need for food are perfectly combined. In addition, it is worth noting that today not everyone’s basic values are satisfied. However, such patterns of interests do not prevent a person from pursuing self-realization. Low-level needs are satisfied to the extent possible.

Evolution of the theory

Maslow's motivation was refined back in the fifties. He came up with two main groups:

development;
addictions.

As a result, the psychotherapist came to the conclusion that people who want self-realization have the following personal qualities:

democracy;
naturalness, spontaneity;
adequate perception of reality;
focus on goals;
a kind of mysticism;
culture.

It was during this period that the scientist abandoned the original model of the hierarchy of needs. This is not taken into account by people who only superficially study the model of life interests. Abraham Harold admitted that absolutely anyone can achieve self-realization if they want to.

Never stop there, improve your needs. The more there are, the better.

These Children: developmental psychology, development and upbringing of children.

One of the first theorists to offer a scientific perspective on such a complex phenomenon as human love was Yale University psychologist Robert J. Sternberg. Sternberg's Triangular Theory provides a coherent picture of the various forms of love, describing different types of relationships through the dimensions of intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. His theory proposes a simple model suitable for exploring many relationship scenarios. Today it is one of the popular concepts that explain the process of forming love relationships between people. What does it mean to “love” someone? Does it always mean the same thing, and if not, how do different types of love differ from each other? Why is sometimes love lasting, and sometimes it passes as quickly as it arises? The purpose of this article is to explain these and other issues using the triangular theory of love. This three-part theory addresses both the essence of love and the various types of love in different types of relationships.

Three components of love

In the language of the triangular theory of love, love is understood as a combination of three components, which are represented as the vertices of a triangle. These components are intimacy (the top apex of the triangle), passion (the left apex at the base of the triangle), and decision/commitment (the right apex at the base of the triangle). (The components are associated with the vertices of the triangle in an arbitrary way.) Each of these three terms can have different meanings, so it is necessary to clarify their meaning in the context of this theory from the outset.

The “intimacy” component refers to feelings of closeness, mutual affection and close bonds between people that arise in a love relationship. Thus, this component includes those feelings that create warmth in a love relationship.

By the “passion” component we will mean the romantic side of love, physical attraction, sexual relationships and related aspects of love relationships. Thus, the “passion” component includes motivational and other sources of arousal that determine passionate feelings in love relationships.

The decision/commitment component refers to one person's decision to love another and the commitment to maintain that love. Thus, the decision/commitment component includes the cognitive elements involved in the decision to enter into and remain in a romantic relationship over time.

Generally speaking, the “intimacy” component can be seen mainly, but not exclusively, as derived from the emotional aspect of the relationship; the “passion” component - mainly, but not exclusively, as a derivative of motivational interest in relationships; and the decision/commitment component—primarily, but not exclusively, derived from the cognitive decision to enter into and remain faithful to a relationship. From a certain point of view, the intimacy component can be considered “warm”, the passion component can be considered “hot”, and the decision/commitment component can be considered “cold”.

The whole complex of experiences caused by love can be divided into components in various ways, so it is important to note from the outset that the division adopted here into the components “intimacy”, “passion” and “decision/commitment” is not the only one possible and for some purposes it is not at all unusable. However, it can be argued that the proposed division into components is particularly useful for understanding the elements of love and their functioning in close relationships.

Although love, like other psychological phenomena, can be divided into components in various ways, it is important not to lose sight of the whole when analyzing the parts. Love is a complex entity that arises, at least in part, from genetically transmitted instincts and impulses, but probably mainly from social learning to follow role models that are repeatedly observed and come to be associated with love. Thus, love is organized primarily along prototype lines (Rosch, 1978), so that certain feelings, impulses, thoughts, and behaviors seem more characteristic of love as socially defined, while others seem less so. Indeed, one way to study love is to study universal human ideas about it, or implicit theories of love (Barnes & Sternberg, research currently underway). Such studies use the principles of descriptive psychology to create a general framework of phenomena associated with love (Davis & Roberts, 1985; Ossorio, 1985). Therefore, the theory of love can help to explore the different types of the phenomenon of love and its components, but the parts should not obscure the whole.

Properties of love components

The three components of love differ from each other in the number of properties they have. For example, emotional and other-source commitment to the relationship, part of the intimacy component, and cognitive commitment, part of the decision/commitment component, appear to be relatively stable in close relationships, whereas motivational and other-source arousal , which is part of the “passion” component, tends to be relatively unstable and can arise and disappear in a rather unpredictable way. A person is able to some extent consciously control the feelings he experiences related to the “intimacy” component (if he is aware of them), is able to have a high degree of control over his obligations regarding the relationship and related to the “decision/commitment” component (again, assuming that he is aware of them), but is almost unable to control the strength of motivational and deriving from other sources of excitement (the “passion” component) that he experiences when communicating with his beloved or simply looking at him. Usually a person is quite aware of the presence of the passion component, but the degrees of awareness of the intimacy and decision/commitment components can vary greatly. Sometimes a person experiences warm feelings of intimacy, but is not aware of them or is unable to find a name for them. In the same way, often a person is not sure of his fidelity to love until the intervention of other people or some events put it to the test. The relative importance of each of the three components of love can vary and generally depends on whether the love relationship is short-term or long-term. In short-term hobbies, especially if they are romantic in nature, the “passion” component usually plays a large role. The intimacy component may be only moderately important, and the decision/commitment component sometimes plays no role at all. In long-term close relationships, on the contrary, the role of the intimacy and decision/commitment components is usually relatively large. Indeed, such relationships are difficult to maintain without emotional investment and commitment expressed to at least some degree. The passion component, on the other hand, usually has only a moderate value, which may decrease somewhat over time.

The three components of love also differ from each other in how often they are present in love relationships. The intimacy component is the basis of many types of love relationships, such as love for a parent, sibling, lover, or close friend. The passion component is usually present only in certain types of love relationships, especially romantic relationships, while the degree to which the decision/commitment component is present in different types of love relationships can vary widely. For example, in a person's love for his children, the degree of commitment is usually high, but it is relatively low in friendship love, since a person gains and loses friends throughout his life.

The three components of love also differ from each other in the strength of the psychophysiological reactions associated with them. The passion component is highly dependent on psychophysiological arousal, while the decision/commitment component appears to elicit only a moderate psychophysiological response. The strength of psychophysiological reactions associated with the “intimacy” component is of intermediate importance.

To summarize what has been said, we repeat that the three components of love have slightly different properties, which are associated with the ways in which these components function in the experiences of love that arise in close relationships of various types.

Types of love

To explore the components of love and the relationship between them, it is useful to consider the different types of love generated by different combinations of these components.

There are eight possible combinations of the various components of love. Each of these combinations gives rise to different types of love experiences. Let's consider limiting cases.

1. Lack of love . The absence of love is the absence of all three of its components. The absence of love characterizes the vast majority of our personal relationships, which are merely everyday interactions that bear no resemblance to love.

2. Liking . If only the “intimacy” component is present in a relationship, and the “passion” and “decision/commitment” components are absent, then affection arises. The term affection is not used here in the trivial sense that is intended to describe feelings towards ordinary acquaintances and random people. This term rather refers to a complex of feelings experienced by a person in a relationship that can truly be called friendly. A person feels closeness, affection and warmth towards another person without experiencing intense passion or having long-term commitments. In other words, a person experiences emotional closeness to his friend, but the friend does not “excite” him and does not cause thoughts that the person “loves the friend” or is going to love him all his life.

Sometimes friendships contain elements of passion or long-term commitment, but in such cases the friendship is no longer just affection and falls into one of the categories that will be discussed further. You can distinguish simple affection from love using the so-called absence test. If an ordinary friend with whom one feels affection goes away, even for a long time, the person may miss him, but he is not inclined to think about his loss all the time. A person may renew the friendship after a few years, sometimes in a different form, although during these years he did not think about his friend very often. However, when a close relationship goes beyond friendship, the person's reaction to the absence test will be completely different. The person misses the other person greatly and tends to focus his attention on his absence and think mainly about it. The absence of another is experienced actively rather than passively, and has a significant and rather long-term impact on a person's life and on his attitude towards it. When the absence of another person greatly intensifies feelings of intimacy, passion or duty, it is better to classify such a relationship as going beyond affection; thus, they must be classified into one of the categories that will be described below.

3. Passionate love . Passionate love is “love at first sight.” Passionate love, or simply passion, is characterized by the experience of passionate arousal in the absence of the “intimacy” and “decision/commitment” components. It is usually quite easy to notice passion, although, as a rule, it is easier for other people to determine that a person is passionately in love than for that person himself. Passion can arise almost instantly and, under the right circumstances, pass just as quickly. Passion is usually characterized by a high degree of psychophysiological arousal, which manifests itself in such somatic symptoms as rapid heartbeat or even heart palpitations, increased hormonal secretion, erection of the genital organs (penis or clitoris), and so on. Essentially, love passion is the same thing as what Tennov calls “limerence” (Tennov, 1979), and just like limerence, under certain circumstances it can last quite a long time.

4. Formal love . This type of love arises from the decision that one loves another and is committed to that love, in the absence of both intimacy and passion. This type of love can sometimes be found in stagnant relationships that have lasted many years and during which time have lost both the mutual emotional involvement and the physical attraction that once characterized them. Unless the sense of duty towards a partner is very strong, such love means almost nothing, since obligations are extremely susceptible to conscious modification. Although in our society we are accustomed to the fact that formal love is usually the final or close to it stage of a long-term relationship, in other societies formal love can be the first stage of a long-term relationship. For example, in societies where marriage decisions are made by the parents of the bride and groom, marriage partners may begin their relationship simply by committing to love or try to love each other. An example of such relationships indicates that formal love is not necessarily the final stage of a long-term relationship. In fact, it may not mean the end of a relationship, but its beginning!

5. Romantic love . This type of love has components of intimacy and passion. In essence, it is affection with the addition of one more element, namely, arousal, which arises due to physical attraction and its attendant factors. From this perspective, romantic lovers feel not only physical attraction to each other, but also emotional attachment. This view of romantic love seems to correspond with its portrayal in works of classical literature such as Romeo and Juliet and Tristan and Isolde. However, Hatfield & Walster (1981) take a different view of romantic love and argue that it is no different from falling in love.

6. Friendly love . This type of love occurs when there is a combination of the components “intimacy” and “decision/commitment”. In essence, it is a long-term, committed friendship that often arises between spouses after physical attraction (the main source of passion) gradually fades away. This view is reflected in the title of Duck's book, Friends for Life (1983).

7. Fatal love . Fatal love is characterized by a combination of the components “passion” and “decision/commitment” in the absence of intimacy. This kind of love is sometimes associated with Hollywood or fast-paced romances: a couple meets, gets engaged two weeks later, and gets married the next month. Such love is frivolous in the sense that commitment is made under the influence of passion alone, in the absence of the stabilizing element of intimacy. Although the passion component can develop almost instantly, the intimacy component takes time to develop, and therefore there is a risk of dissolution of the fatal relationship, and in the case of hasty marriages, the risk of divorce.

8. Perfect love . Perfect love includes all three components. This is the kind of love many of us strive for, especially in romantic relationships. The pursuit of perfect love, in at least one respect, can be likened to a weight-loss program: often achieving the goal is easier than maintaining the achieved goals. Achieving perfect love does not guarantee that this love will last. In fact, the loss of such love sometimes resembles the process of gaining weight after finishing classes: often a person notices too late that the goal he has achieved has again become distant.

I do not believe that all manifestations of perfect love are always difficult to develop or maintain. For example, a person's love for their children often combines the deep emotional involvement of the intimacy component, the satisfaction of motivational needs (such as care, self-esteem, self-actualization) of the passion component, and the strong commitment of the decision/commitment component. For many, although not all parents, forming and maintaining this love does not cause difficulties. It is possible that maintaining this love is relatively simple due to the bond that arises between parents and children from the moment the child is born; it is also possible that evolutionary mechanisms ensure that the parent-child connection is maintained at least during the time when the child grows and is in great need of parental love and support. Whichever of these explanations is correct (and perhaps there is a kernel of truth in each), developing and maintaining the highest love can be easy or difficult, depending on the relationship and the situation in which that love is developed and maintained.

Source: The Triangular Theory of Love by Robert J. Sternberg.

Tags: Triangular theory Robert J. Sternberg forms of love #

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When you're in love

Falling in love appears when passion flares up between two people, but they are not yet close to each other and do not owe each other anything. As long as there is no intimacy in this relationship, it can end at any moment. With the advent of intimacy, they develop into romantic relationships and have the chance to become perfect love if people decide to take on certain obligations agreed upon in the couple.

If dol

The result is eight love types, of which the eighth - absence of love - is additional.

When you're in love

If long-term relationships are built only on passion, as often happens in the modern world, the union turns out to be extremely fragile. Any blow can shake him, be it difficulties in everyday life, the emergence of a new passion, or simply the discovery of differences that are unacceptable for partners.