Self-destruction: how to save yourself from personality destruction

Self-destruction of the individual is an endless dance of destructive thoughts, worries about the future, analysis of the mistakes of the past. This is what prevents you from moving forward and developing. Of course, you need to analyze your actions, but focusing on failures is dangerous. You won't reach your goal if you constantly think about obstacles and failures. Accept mistakes as a given, experience or simply a fait accompli.

Self-flagellation lowers self-esteem and, as a result, self-doubt appears. Let's talk about the causes of self-destruction, its manifestations and how to save yourself from self-destruction.

Definition of concept and types

What is self-destruction? This is a state when destructive thoughts negatively affect the perception of the world. During self-destruction, negative thoughts, emotions or actions can threaten a person’s life and mental health.

Aggression is not always evil. Aggression is inherent in nature. It serves to throw out negativity. In the animal world, aggression is always directed at someone, but in the human world, the most terrible aggression is directed inside one’s own consciousness. This is where the desire for self-destruction comes from

There are 5 main types of self-destruction:

Control over everyone. People who are convinced that they know the only right solution and way out of any situation. They strive to control everyone, although in reality they are dependent on others.
Please everyone around you. This is the only way a person feels his importance in society, the only way he understands that he can be useful. It is difficult for him to understand what he himself wants.
Endless torment. The “ideal” program of self-destruction in a person. He is convinced that life is pain. If there are no problems, they urgently need to be created, and then look for a way out. Only this model of behavior is acceptable; in complete calm, discomfort sets in.
Workaholics. Work comes first, and a lot of work is even better. These people feel irritated towards people who are having fun and are not busy dealing with work issues from morning until late at night.
Perfectionists. They take on only those tasks in which they are confident. They do not forgive themselves for mistakes and mistakes, so they may seem lazy, because they can handle only small tasks. They get annoyed if someone is not as perfectionist as they are.

There are also tap dancers. People with a large circle of acquaintances, but a small range of responsibility. They are afraid of serious relationships.

Symptoms of codependency

The most obvious symptoms of codependency are:

An obsessive desire to control the lives of others. The codependent devotes himself entirely to the dependent. He tries to control every step and sincerely worries about any actions of the addict. Attempts are being made to influence not only behavior, but also the impression made by a particular family on others. The more severe the condition of the dependent and the worse the situation in the family, the more actively the codependent tries to correct it. He will blackmail, beg and persuade the addict, agreeing to any conditions to achieve his goals. At the same time, the codependent will regularly emphasize the dependent’s helplessness, his inability to make decisions and actions. Often, attempts at universal control lead to depression and attacks of sudden uncontrollable anger in the codependent.
Low self-esteem. Codependents are always dissatisfied with themselves, their family, and the state of affairs. They try their best to make a positive impression on others. And when they fail to do this, they become very upset, become depressed, and take all the blame upon themselves. Families created by such people inherit pathological behavior. In the absence of praise and support from others, codependent individuals can become nervous and intolerant.
Denial of attachment pathology and downplaying problems. Codependents can prove to the best of their ability the addict’s “normality” and the absence of obvious personal problems. This behavior is driven by fear of judgment and loneliness.
Dominance of template attitudes. Codependents are sure that “relatives need to be helped”, “love endures everything”, “there is heaven in the hut with your dear one”, “you cannot abandon a friend in trouble.” It is these beliefs that motivate them to take pathological care of the addict.
Denial of social responsibility. All negative actions of codependents are attributed to the “addict’s illness.” The relationship turns into a “victim and sadist” format - the codependent shows love and care, and the dependent allows himself to “pranks” in the form of drinking, using chemicals, violence, and insults. At the same time, codependents evaluate their behavior positively, calling it the ability to love a person with all the shortcomings.
Problems with self-expression. It is difficult for a codependent to express his opinion, emotions, experiences. Such a person cannot firmly say “I don’t like this.” He doesn't have his own point of view.

How self-destruction manifests itself

There are several options. For example, a person harms his health with alcohol, drugs, and becomes addicted. Gambling addiction, dangerous sports, hard work, aggression towards others, dangerous professions are also manifestations of self-destruction or a tendency to destruction.

A person eats himself from the inside, criticizes, does not give himself any concessions. I constantly have the same thoughts in my head: “I’m a failure, I failed, I can’t do anything.” Some people are so willing to punish themselves that they hurt themselves. And the worst thing is that self-destruction leads to suicide. Negative thoughts and emotions take over the mind so much that a person does not see any other way out except to commit suicide.

Agree that this is terrible, the problem is really big. In addition to all of the above, self-destruction leads to psychosomatic diseases (oncology, stomach ulcers, hypertension). All self-destructors, without exception, will be at risk if the disease is not eradicated in time.

How to overcome suicidal thoughts and feelings?

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Source: , David Miklowitz. Translation: tlgrm.ru/channels/@thenoondaydemon Editing: Freak Mist

Up to 15% of people with bipolar disorder die by suicide, and at least one in three attempts suicide at least once in their lifetime. Suicidal ideation is part of the disease, related to its biological and genetic mechanisms, it is not your moral failure or weakness. We can protect ourselves with medication, psychotherapy, support from friends and family, and self-organization.

“I became more and more depressed, thought about suicide and at some point decided to do it. I took lithium, tablet after tablet, all evening, then got into the shower, but by then I had diarrhea and vomited. In a semi-conscious state, I called my boyfriend, and the doctors took me to the hospital. Catheter, oxygen mask... I looked terrible and felt the same. Everyone told me how lucky I was to be alive, but that made me feel even worse. I definitely didn’t feel lucky” (from a 28-year-old woman with bipolar disorder describing her first suicide attempt).

Suicide can be a sudden, impulsive act or a carefully planned act. Up to 15% of people with bipolar disorder die by suicide, and at least one in three attempts suicide at least once in their lifetime (Novick, 2010). Unfortunately, suicidality is part of bipolar disorder and is related to its biological and genetic mechanisms. We know that serotonin levels are lower in the brain of the person who has attempted it. (Mann, 1999). In other words, suicidal impulses are related to the neurophysiology of your illness, it is not your moral failure or weakness. In fact, quite a few healthy people have thought about it, at least “in passing.” But among people with bipolar disorder, such thoughts are stronger, and they turn into a plan of action.

The desire to escape from problems

People with bipolar and other mood disorders often feel helpless and think that nothing will ever get better. They seek to get rid of “increasing, uncontrollable, endless mental pain, tinged with fear and rejection.” Some people really want to die. But from my observations, most people with bipolar disorder want relief from unbearable life circumstances and the emotional, mental or physical pain that accompanies depression and anxiety disorders. When depression sets in and you feel terrified, apprehensive, and desperate to live, suicide seems like the only way to get rid of the unbearable thoughts. However, even in severe cases, suicidal thoughts can be managed and controlled through medical means. Antidepressants, anticonvulsants, and antipsychotics reduce agitation and aggressiveness, which can lead to suicidal actions. We can protect ourselves with medication, psychotherapy, support from friends and family, and self-organization. Helplessness, pain and emptiness are temporary, even if you don't believe it right now.

Risk factors for suicide

You are at risk if you:

have bipolar disorder and regularly use alcohol or drugs (alcohol and psychotropic substances are incompatible with medications and prevent you from seeking help from doctors or loved ones);
you have panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or other indicators of an anxiety disorder;
you are prone to reckless behavior, such as dangerous driving, or outbursts of rage;
you have one or more people in your family who have committed suicide or a violent act against another;
You have recently experienced a major life shock, including loss (for example, divorce or death of a family member);
you are isolated from friends and family;
you do not have access to a psychiatrist or psychotherapist, you feel hopeless about the future and/or you do not have strong reasons to prevent suicide (for example, a commitment to raise children);
you have thought about a specific suicide plan and have the opportunity to do so (use pills or weapons).

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, you should inform your psychiatrist, family members and other important people in your close circle. This is appropriate if you have one or more risk factors. Do not remain silent because you are afraid of causing pain and problems to your loved ones. Many people have felt this way and did not get the help they needed when they needed it. But your suicide will be a much bigger blow for them.

How to protect yourself from suicidal actions?

When you fall into depression and it becomes more severe, suicidal thoughts come to you more often. They can be vague at first (for example, “I would like to know what it would be like to disappear”), then more serious (“I know that I want to kill myself, but I don’t know how; I have many suicide plans; I have chosen one , as well as time and place”). The feelings, thoughts and behaviors that lead you to this desperate decision are quite complex and not fully explained by scientists. However, we know what we can do to protect ourselves from these actions and impulses. First of all, you need to block your access to the means of committing it and seek support (from doctors, family members, friends). Think about your rescue plan when you feel better, and start implementing it at the first sign of suicidal thoughts. Don't wait until you feel desperate, don't let yourself get to that point. Step 1: Get rid of tools that can harm yourself

The first thing you can do is remove all objects that could potentially kill yourself, including weapons, sleeping pills, poisons, ropes and sharp objects from your reach. Give them to a close friend who lives separately from you, or even to your psychiatrist. To avoid overdosing on medications, keep a couple of days' worth of pills at home and ask a spouse or significant other (or even your doctor) to store your medications, dispensing them as needed. Although these measures may seem superficial (you're getting rid of the means, not the causes), this will greatly reduce the chances that you will harm yourself in any way in the heat of the moment. Not having access to things like a gun, knife, and razor will greatly reduce the chances of you using it against yourself or someone else.

Step 2: Meet with your psychiatrist immediately

If your next visit to a psychiatrist is not in the next few weeks, let them know what's going on with you, or ask someone in your close circle to do so. Your doctor will likely start by asking you about your suicidal intentions and your history of suicide attempts (if he doesn't already know). Be prepared to spend some time on these questions before you move on to the reasons that occupy your entire mind. Many people find it difficult to talk about such things publicly. They fear that the doctor will immediately admit them to the hospital or be deeply disappointed that the treatment plan has failed. The doctor may indeed admit you to the hospital if he understands that the risk to your life is great. And this may be the best solution for you. Hospitalization will give you a chance to get emergency treatment, talk to people who feel like you, and get the medications that are right for you right now. This will also allow you to isolate yourself from stimuli that may trigger suicidal thoughts (for example, conflicts with loved ones and colleagues, anxiety about your daily responsibilities, noise, the Internet, the telephone). Your psychiatrist will likely reconsider your treatment regimen, add or select an antidepressant, or increase the dose of your mood stabilizer. In emergency cases, he may recommend electroconvulsive therapy. If you have visible signs of anxiety, agitation, or psychosis, he may prescribe an atypical antipsychotic or benzodiazepines. When your condition is controlled by medication, suicidal thoughts gradually disappear. Try to be realistic and don't expect the pills to work immediately. This may take several weeks. One client with bipolar mixed disorder (48 years old) attempted to suffocate himself by locking himself in the garage and turning on the car engine. After a brief hospitalization, the doctor added paroxetine (Paxil, an antidepressant) to her mood stabilizer. Suicidal thoughts and intentions quickly subsided, and depression became easier, although not immediately. Most therapists use distraction techniques, relaxation techniques, or cognitive restructuring. Certain events, situations, images, memories can trigger your suicidal thoughts, so you need to know as much as possible about them and be prepared to confront them. Step 3: Supportive Communication with Loved Ones

“When I think about the future, I panic, and that’s when suicidal thoughts arise. But when I go out with friends, I get distracted and start thinking about the good things that are waiting for me, and this gives me energy, a sense of purpose. I can make people laugh or influence them, and that makes me alive again” (43-year-old man with bipolar I disorder). For this man, being with other people was an antidepressant of sorts, giving him a temporary sense of relief from painful emotions. When you feel like taking your own life, it is important to reach out to loved ones and get support from them. They can keep you from acting rashly. When you are at the height of depression and despair, you are more likely to reject help. Thoughts “they won’t be able to help me, I’ll be disappointed, I’ll feel even worse” increase the feeling of hopelessness. It's important to challenge these thoughts and force yourself to ask for support from others, even if it seems futile. Think about who will help you when you feel bad? When you're depressed or anxious, who do you rely on? Is this person able to help you think through your problems and possible solutions without upsetting you? Is there someone on the list who can listen to you without criticism or horror? Some people with bipolar disorder may not be able to discuss the topic with their parents, but may be open with a sibling, friend, partner, spouse, or minister. The main thing is that this person will listen calmly and carefully and understand your despair without judgment. Choose someone who combines optimism with realism, someone who understands what bipolar disorder is, or who has gone through periods of depression themselves. This person may offer a new perspective on how to deal with despair. If there are no such people around, try to choose a person (or several) who is most dear to you. It is better to include as many people as possible on the “rescue” list.

Now think about how your loved ones can help you. Tell them that you don't expect him to solve your problems for you. You need to focus on what makes you want to end your life and why. A mental health professional is probably better at this, but if you have a friend or family member who is a good listener, give them a chance too. If you are unable to call your doctor, ask your friends to do so. Ask them to take your weapons and pills. If you need to go to hospital, ask for visits. If you don't want to or can't go to the hospital, have someone stay with you in your apartment until you feel safe. If you are unable to take care of your children and pets, find someone to do it for you. Use distraction. Many people with bipolar disorder focus on their painful emotions, which they view as a burden to others. Take your mind off them. Just spend more time with your loved ones and friends. Invite them to watch a movie with you, go for a walk, go for a drive, take them to lunch. Physical activity will also free your brain from suicidal thoughts. It is important to thank your loved ones for their help every time you are able to do so. Remember, they are trying to help, even if what they do doesn't always help. It's important for them to hear that talking to them or spending time together helps you. Step 4. Make your list of reasons to live

When people feel hopeless, they begin to weigh the pros and cons of suicide as a solution to all problems. Suicide begins to seem like a logical alternative when you are convinced that nothing you do is producing a positive result, or that depression and other life problems will haunt you forever. When people believe they can cope with problems and feel responsible for their family and children, they are less likely to attempt suicide. When you're feeling better, make a list of all the things that make life worth living or the reasons why you didn't commit suicide sooner when you started thinking about it. Later, in a moment of despair, you should re-read and think about this list. It can save you from self-destruction. Check the statements below that motivate you to keep going:

I have responsibilities and obligations to my family;
I believe that sooner or later I will be able to cope with my problems;
I believe that I myself am the master of my life;
I'm afraid of death;
I want to see my children when they grow up;
life is all we have, and a hard life is better than nothing;
I have plans for the future that I hope to fulfill;
I know depression won't last forever;
I love my family too much and don’t want to leave them alone;
I’m afraid that my method of suicide will fail and will only make things worse for myself;
I want to experience everything that life has to offer, and there is still a lot left that I haven’t tried;
it would be dishonest to the children to leave them in the care of strangers;
There are people who love me;
my religion forbids it;
this will hurt my family and I don't want them to suffer;
I worry that others will think badly of me and my family. They will think that I am weak and selfish;
I think it is morally wrong;
I still have a lot of unfinished business;
I am strong and brave enough to fight for life;
I am afraid of suicide (pain, blood, violence);
suicide will not solve any problems;
I would not want my family to live with a feeling of guilt for my actions.

Complete the list with your personal motivations.

Step 5: Resources for Life

Many people turn to religion when they feel alone, depressed, and suicidal. Some go to church, synagogue or temple, others prefer to pray alone. Prayer gives them a sense of purpose and belonging to something important. Relaxation brings relief when you choose a comfortable position, tense and relax all muscle groups, starting with your feet and moving towards your face, and imagine pleasant scenes from the past (for example, the sea, a garden, a date), and breathing practices. An interesting method is “decentering” (monitoring your emotions and physical sensations from the position of an observer). Some people respond better to mindfulness exercises that allow them to experience a specific moment. Others do relaxation exercises.

Try light exercise such as walking, stretching, or cycling. When you exercise, focus on your body and physical sensations, try not to think at all. It is important to make exercise part of your regular routine to enhance the benefits.

Suicide Prevention Plan

Collect all the information you know into a suicide prevention plan. List the signs of depression and any suicidal thoughts or impulses, even those that seem fleeting and insignificant to you. Then review your list of strategies and solutions—for example, what specific things your loved ones can help you with when you're feeling down. Circle the points that make the most sense to you. Share this list with your doctor and loved ones. If a friend or family member doesn't want to take responsibility for a specific item on the list (eg, taking care of the children, calling a psychiatrist), delegate the task to someone else. It's hard to see a way out when you seem to have hit rock bottom, so use as many premeditated strategies as possible as soon as you feel the first signs of depression or suicidal despair.

Source: , David Miklowitz. Translation: tlgrm.ru/channels/@thenoondaydemon Editing: Freak Mist

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Possible reasons

Psychology says that the causes of self-destruction come from childhood. The child’s psyche is a reverent and gentle instrument that needs to be played skillfully. Although it may happen that the problem of self-destruction appears in adulthood. The reason for this may be the loss of a loved one or any stress experienced. So, let’s look at the reasons for self-destruction:

Lack of parental love and affection. The child is acutely sensitive to criticism and punishment, especially without explanation. Physical and sexual violence entails a number of consequences that leave a negative imprint on the rest of your life.
False statements. For example, parents insist that they know better, that it is not time to make decisions yet. In adult life, it is difficult to readjust and understand that the time has come and it’s time to decide for yourself what you want.
Incorrect self-assessment. If a child is constantly scolded and told about his worthlessness, self-esteem will never be adequate.
Unjustified expectations. For every parent, their child is the best. It is important to understand that all children are different with different talents and abilities. If too much is demanded from a child and he does not live up to expectations, his psyche breaks down.
Ban on feelings, emotions. The child cannot react to the situation as he sees fit. As a result, he withdraws into himself.

Parents, be vigilant and do not make such mistakes. And if you find problems in adulthood, do not despair, there are ways to stop self-destruction.

Meditate

As a reflective person, I spent a huge amount of time, and still do, thinking about who I am, how I feel, and what I want. And this is why loneliness is useful. This is a kind of island on which you need to be able to be without trying to survive. So step six is to reflect. A lot of important things happen in your thoughts if you know how to think. Broken pieces come together again, the old is replaced by the new, the empty is filled. I thought about everything, about the grief I was experiencing, about the eternal and empty, about new problems and new disappointments that came with new trials.

Think while being alone with yourself. Sort out your feelings like dirty laundry, like old things. Throw away and replace with a new one.

Of course, an exploding grenade is just a metaphor, effective in order to convey the depth of despair, but meaningless if you remember how the psyche works. Of course, I didn’t go anywhere, nothing disappeared without a trace. I, created in the beginning, woven from songs and pictures, and died during this story, appeared again. In parts, in places crippled or even mutilated, but still the same. And it was by thinking about this that I was able to isolate what, in my opinion, was worth living, and what needed to be let go forever. Think and you will find the answers.

Characteristic manifestations

Let's get straight to the point. Manifestations of self-destruction:

self-harm;
humiliating oneself and blaming oneself for all the troubles in the world;
suicidal tendencies;
promiscuity;
work addiction;
addiction to love;
lack of self-preservation instinct;
taking alcohol, drugs;
food addiction.

Take a closer look at your friends and loved ones. Perhaps someone needs your help right now. If you yourself find yourself in a difficult situation, and self-destruction has taken over your consciousness, remember: this problem can be overcome.

Types of Behaviors

Self-destruction dictates its own rules, and a person is no longer able to behave maturely and adequately. Let's consider the main types of behavior during self-destruction:

Active behavior that is accompanied by the use of alcohol and drugs.
Antisocial personality. Behavior and actions have nothing to do with generally accepted morality.
Suicidal tendencies. Eternal thoughts about suicide, about your worthlessness.

It is worth mentioning the conformist model of behavior. These people always and everywhere agree with public opinion; they are puppets without their own point of view.

What can codependency be?

Classic codependency is when one person directs all efforts for the benefit of another person.
At the same time, he acts to the detriment of his needs and desires. If a drug addict or alcoholic appears in a family, the rest of the household adapts to his behavior and begins to live by caring for the “poor drowning man.” At the same time, they forget about themselves, which gradually leads to disastrous consequences. Ignoring personal needs is fraught with low self-esteem and the development of psycho-emotional diseases.

Codependency can be of two types:

codependent relationships between husband and wife, friends (not relatives);
codependent relationships between relatives (children and parents).

How to resist

Is it possible to get rid of the tendency to self-destruction? Is self-development possible through self-destruction? The answer is yes. There are a number of recommendations:

Decide on your place in society. Develop in a direction that interests you.
Engage in self-discovery. Understand your feelings. Show emotions towards others, do not be shy about feelings.
Release your aggression through sports, general cleaning of the apartment, or shout alone. Choose a method that is convenient for you, but do not keep the negativity to yourself.
Refuse to stereotype and do not impose labels on people. Live as you see fit and let others live as they want. Don't make a tragedy out of this.
Get rid of all kinds of addictions. Do it gradually. This will be better for the body. Stop smoking, give up alcohol, or simply start leaving work on time.

As you can see, the path from self-destruction to self-development is not easy. But it is possible to get through it. The main thing is to realize that there is a problem.

How to start treatment for auto-aggression at the Leto clinic

The contact phone number of our medical center is 8(969)060-93-93 . Before coming to us, call the number provided. The call center operates around the clock as a hotline. The dispatcher-registrar will answer all your questions and make an appointment with a doctor. If you need immediate help, you can come right away and you or your relative will be examined by the doctor on duty. If necessary, it is possible to transfer the patient from home to the clinic. It would be useful to remind you that all types of diagnostics and therapy are anonymous. The option to order a call back is available directly from the website.