How to get yourself out of self-flagellation: concept, unpleasant consequences and self-help

Sometimes it’s so convenient to scold, punish yourself, and engage in self-flagellation in the presence of other people. They begin to feel sorry for you, forgive you for your mistakes, and sometimes treat you like a porcelain vase. You may like it at some point in time, but is it really good for you? Perhaps this is ruining your life, and it’s time to think about what self-flagellation is in psychology and how to stop torturing yourself.

In this article:

What is self-flagellationThe consequences of self-flagellationHow to get rid of self-flagellation

What is self-flagellation

The older meaning of the word self-flagellation is to cause physical harm to oneself.

In the modern meaning, self-flagellation is a severe exposure of one’s guilt, one’s misdeeds, weaknesses, caused by deep repentance or a tendency to self-abasement (source of definition Dictionary of the Russian Language: In 4 volumes / RAS, Institute of Linguistic Research; Ed. A P. Evgenieva - 4th ed., printed - M.: Russian language; Polygraph resources, 1999).

Self-flagellation in psychology is a process that a person performs on himself intentionally. An individual consciously deprives himself of positive emotions, pleasures and joys of life.

In ancient times, philosophers considered self-flagellation the highest form of love for God. A person demonstrated love for the Almighty through limiting himself in everything, self-criticism and self-flagellation. Philosophers came to the conclusion that a person can experience the most severe pain not physically, but from his own thoughts. Over time, this interpretation of the term self-flagellation has gone away.

How to interpret it today?

In modern times, self-flagellation and self-criticism are defined as a syndrome that develops in childhood and adolescence. Due to self-criticism, a person develops incorrect self-esteem, depressive states and even suicidal thoughts arise.

Reasons for self-flagellation

The reasons for self-flagellation, which then transforms into constant self-criticism, often lie in a person’s childhood:

1. The parents raised the child very strictly, constantly scolded and criticized him, did not provide support, and did not express praise. At the same time, their authority for the growing personality was unshakable. Over time, a person retains the attitude of being critical of himself and blaming himself for everything.
2. Relatives tried to raise an ideal person, so from childhood the child heard comments, reproaches, harsh words, and negative criticism addressed to him. Constant dissatisfaction on the part of his elders formed in him low self-esteem, combined with inflated demands on himself.
3. Inability to forgive oneself, giving oneself the opportunity to be weak and not the most successful.
4. Excessive enthusiasm for religious dogmas, which claim that forgiveness can only be earned through moral suffering.
5. The tendency to look at life very pessimistically.
6. The desire to relieve oneself of the need for decisive actions and changes in one’s own life.

Who teaches us this?

This type of self-blame occurs when there is a lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself. This often stems from painful childhood experiences. Harsh criticism from parents, teachers or peers can easily undermine a child's confidence and self-esteem, making him feel inadequate or insecure.

Growing up, he tries to avoid criticism by setting inflated criteria and standards for himself. He begins to think that he must achieve perfection and be better than others in order to deserve love and approval.

Types of self-flagellation

Types of self-flagellation depend on the intensity of a person’s emotions:

1. Mild self-criticism. A person behaves demonstratively, engages in self-flagellation in public. He wants people to pay attention to him and feel sorry for him, although in fact he feels quite calm and balanced.
2. Severe self-criticism. It is considered one of the varieties of destructive behavior. A person does not demonstrate his condition in public, but constantly feels guilty, punishes, criticizes himself, and engages in self-criticism.
3. Neurotic self-criticism. Such self-flagellation is considered a neurotic state. It can start because of any, even the most insignificant trifle. For example, a person accidentally tore off a button on his shirt. It's easy to sew it into place, but he launches into a whole angry tirade about his own awkwardness, inattention and worthlessness.

Stages

At the weak stage of self-criticism, the individual does not particularly harm himself. He blames himself for all his sins, but deep down he dreams of hearing words of support and love. This stage of self-flagellation can be easily corrected, independently, without the help of a psychologist.

The strong stage of self-flagellation is characterized by the fact that a person loses positive feelings towards himself. He really only considers himself to blame for what is happening. Such people are distinguished by a high degree of responsibility, pedantry and scrupulousness, but these qualities do not help them in life.

What does the critical stage look like?

When experiencing a critical stage of self-criticism, a person does not see any positive aspects in his life. He is constantly tuned to negativity, because of this he suffers failure after failure. A state of nervous tension has a negative impact on health.

Do self-criticism have any advantages?

Quality has its advantages, if you don’t subject yourself to self-flagellation constantly and harshly.

Within moderate limits, self-criticism teaches a person not to blame only those around him for problems, to do his job better, to analyze what is happening more carefully. And a reasonable response to failures and a thorough analysis of them helps to avoid mistakes in later life .

Do you think self-criticism can be useful? Do you have examples of how this quality helped in life? We will be glad if you share your experiences or life stories in the comments.

Productive and unproductive self-criticism

A complete lack of self-criticism can also negatively affect a person’s life, his affairs and personal success. Only self-critical people achieve tangible success in business, art, sports and other activities.

For criticism to be constructive and direct a person in the right direction, you need to:

1. Do the work first, and only then criticize it. Preliminary criticism of work not yet completed and the attitude “I won’t succeed anyway” is empty self-flagellation.
2. Treat yourself strictly, but do not call yourself the last words, do not insult. You need to activate strictness at the right moments; periodically you need to give yourself some relief and the opportunity to take a breath.
3. There can be negative emotions and thoughts before a responsible task, especially for beginners. But this negativity should not block the joy after achieving the goal.

Healthy self-criticism helps to develop such wonderful personality qualities as composure, determination, self-demandingness, and responsibility. Unhealthy criticism can destroy these qualities and turn into empty self-criticism.

Judaism

Another religion that engages in self-flagellation is Judaism. The Jewish community practices self-flagellation as a way to set high moral standards.[23] Many religions believe that pain and suffering lead to salvation and purity. In time for Middle Ages, Jewish men practiced self-flagellation on the eve of Yom Kippur. Passages such as “this will be a sacred meeting for you; and destroy your souls” (Leviticus 23:27) were used to justify these actions. They used whips on their backs 39 times.[24] To put this in context, Norman Toby Simms explained: “Understanding what this kind of collective bloodshed means and how it operates at the center of a civilized society is one thing - the study of cultural anthropology, the history of religion, the deep psychological analysis of troubled souls; seeing how it can be used on many levels of conscious and unconscious simulation/simulation by various groups of people seeking to deny, defer, define and redefine their place in history is another - exploration like this for aesthetic, dramatic and witty purposes" .[25]

How to stop beating yourself up

If a person wants to stop engaging in empty self-criticism, then he will have to learn a few simple life truths:

1. Don't compare yourself to others. All people are different, everyone has their own life path and circumstances, which are often unknown to others. You should only compare yourself with yourself; everything else is empty self-flagellation.
2. It is important to love yourself and accept your feelings and imperfections, since there are no perfect people.
3. There is no need to pretend to be someone you really are not in order to please others, and then engage in self-flagellation.
4. You shouldn’t waste your energy on complaints and whining; you can use it in a productive direction and change what doesn’t suit you. Empty self-criticism will definitely not help improve your life.
5. There is no need to silently endure inadequate criticism and bullying from relatives, friends or colleagues. They can be tactfully besieged and put in place.
6. If a mistake or oversight occurs, you need to forgive yourself, analyze the reasons and prerequisites and never allow them again.
7. Try to think positively, praise yourself for successes and achievements, be able to joke about mistakes and correct them in a timely manner.
8. Be able to live for today, not focus on your actions, because they can no longer be corrected. There is also no point in constantly making plans for the future, because it has not happened yet.

Review

Pain and suffering have always been an important part of understanding religion. Pain-inducing practices have been able to transcend many different religions and cultures. Although the methods used to inflict this pain may vary, the reasons for this particular ritual seem very similar. A common purpose for self-flagellation is the desire to imitate a particular prophet. Another main reason for this ritual is the idea that pain causes evil to leave the body. Self-flagellation was often seen as a form of punishment and repentance. Despite the horrific nature of this ritual, many cultures associate it with atonement and purity. Although it originated many centuries ago, it is still a ritual that exists today in many parts of the world.

Exercises and techniques to combat self-criticism

There are a number of techniques and exercises on how to get rid of self-criticism. You need to do them regularly and gradually, reflect your failures and successes in writing in a diary, periodically return to what you wrote, analyze your mistakes and praise yourself for your successes.

Gradually, self-flagellation will disappear from a person’s life, opening up space for more positive and constructive emotions.

Exercise “Accepting the Inner Critic”

It is impossible to solve a problem without recognizing that it exists. It is important to recognize the existence of your inner critic and think more consciously. Sometimes it is difficult to notice the inner critic; you will have to make an effort.

Often the inner critic makes itself felt when a person wants to do something unusual for himself. For example, when a guy wants to ask a beautiful and charming girl on a date, the critic whispers: “Why do you need this, there are so many guys around her, she will never pay attention to someone like you.” Usually this condition is accompanied by feelings of guilt, bad mood, and negative thoughts.

The essence of the exercise is to catch self-flagellation during the week and make notes in a special notebook.

Exercise “Critic Branch”

It is important to realize that the inner critic is not a part of the person himself, it is a way of thinking imposed by other, often unkind people. When a person separates the inner critic from himself, life will become easier for him. It is important to record your feelings, insights and emotions about this in a notebook or diary.

Exercise “Responsible for yourself”

It is useless to ask the inner critic to shut up. It is important for him to give a constructive and detailed answer so that he understands that he does not have the right to vote.

For example, in a situation with a guy who wants to ask a beautiful girl out on a date, the critic can answer: “Even if she’s not interested in me, then nothing stops me from trying. If she is not my person, then eventually I will find the right girl for a relationship.”

Focus Shift Technique

Remove your inner critic and find a positive and supportive ally to counterbalance it. To do this, it is important to learn to notice good things in yourself and be able to give an example of positive actions for your inner critic.

For example, “I’m not popular with girls now, but I’m well-read, I’m a good student, and I can support any conversation. I just have to gain a little courage and experience in live communication.”

“No big deal” technique

To pacify a negative inner critic, you need to learn to sensibly assess what is happening and analyze it. Often there is nothing terrible about problems and troubles if you can look at them from the right angle.

For example, if a beautiful girl still refuses a guy, then it’s worth re-evaluating the situation and deciding what fundamentally terrible and irreparable happened. Yes, the person experienced negative emotions, but they will soon pass. But he overcame himself and tried his luck, he has new experience in communicating with girls, after all, she is not the last girl in the world.

Thank you for reading the article. How do you feel about self-flagellation? Do you notice him behind you? Are you fighting it? We will be interested in chatting with you in the comments.

Send the article to your friends and family, repost, and save the material for yourself so that you can return to the exercises and techniques the next time you want to engage in unproductive self-criticism.

Recommendations

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   . Springer. p. 243. ISBN 978-1-137-56610-2. As a justification for mortification, Peter Damian argued that only those who shared in the sufferings of Christ could be partakers of the promise that the faithful would one day inherit the kingdom of God and thereby join Christ in glory.
4. Jeremiah, Ken (10 January 2014). Christian Mummification: An Interpretive History of the Preservation of Saints, Martyrs and Others
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   . University Press of America. p. 103. Although he did not go to the same goals as Luther, including even self-flagellation, the methods of ritual observance, self-denial and good deeds were not satisfactory.
9. Rubin, Julius H. (1994). Religious Melancholy and the Protestant Experience in America
   . Oxford University Press. clause 115. ISBN 9780195083019. In many letters to her correspondents Fish, Anthony, Hopkins, and Noyes, Osborne explored the state of her soul, sought spiritual guidance in the midst of her predicaments, and created a written forum for her ongoing self-examination. She cultivated a strong and persistent spirit of evangelical humiliation—self-flagellation and self-torture to remind her of her continued sin, debauchery, and meanness in the eyes of God.
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    . Oxford University Press. paragraph 60. ISBN 9780198269892. Self-flagellation through the little scourge known as discipline became quite common in Tractarian circles and was practiced by Gladstone among others.
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23. Frantzman, Seth. "Terra Incognita: Jewish self-flagellation and the denial of Islam." Jerusalem Post. Last modified September 14, 2014. Retrieved March 5, 2022. https://www.jpost.com/Opinion/Terra-Incognita-Jewish-self-flagellation-and-Islamic-denial-375333.
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