Overprotection

Consultation for parents

Overprotection

HYPEROPECA

One of the most significant problems of modern (and not only modern) Russian society is often called infantilism. This is especially true for the generation whose childhood passed in the 90s - the devastation and disorganization of society gave rise to passivity and fatalism. Historical conditions, of course, are of great importance, but the type of upbringing in the family plays a much more serious role. One of the factors in the emergence of infantile, insecure people, unable to make decisions and bear responsibility is parental overprotection in childhood. Hyperprotection, or hyperprotection, is excessive care for a child, a type of upbringing, a type of parent-child relationship in which the child is given a minimum of independence, but maximum control is exercised. Traditionally, there are two types of hyperprotection: condoning and dominant.

Dominant hyperprotection

This is a parenting style in which the child, one might say, is deprived of his own will. Dominant hyperprotection plays a major role in the formation of infantile, complex personalities. This type of overprotection is characterized by restriction of the child’s sphere of activity, constant imposition of prohibitions, and restriction of independence. Every movement of the child is controlled, every little thing is surrounded by rules, and all this is serious psychological pressure, and not every child can withstand it. With dominant overprotection, the child’s abilities and skills are underestimated for the purposes of “security” and control. As a result, the child really turns out to be unable to perform sometimes elementary tasks for his age, since he grows up in the belief that he is “still small” and “will do the wrong thing.” Due to a lack of independence, the child’s need for respect and self-esteem is not realized. Dominant hyperprotection correlates with an authoritarian style in education. The parent is often an unquestioned authority; his will is the law. Overprotection is also characterized by the so-called psychological symbiosis. These are the cases when a complete psychological merging of the child and the parent occurs. The child is completely protected from possible difficulties, the parent constantly worries about him, sometimes this takes on unhealthy, obsessive forms. Children literally live the lives of their parents, often speak in the phrases of their mother or father, and express their judgments about the world. Parents of this type often say that “childhood is the best time,” that the best and most comfortable time is in the family, but there are dangers all around. For example, such mothers even physically tie the child to themselves - for example, by arranging farewell and meeting rituals with kisses and hugs, although from the outside it may be noticeable that the child does not really like such excessive caresses and that he would be glad to get rid of them. As a result, such a child becomes timid, fearful, dependent, his communication abilities are undeveloped, and sometimes regression in the cognitive sphere is noticeable, since to ensure symbiosis with his parents no serious mental effort is required, only affection and obedience are needed.

Your psychologist. The work of a psychologist at school.

The question of the main violations of raising a teenager in the family has already been reflected in the medical, psychological and pedagogical literature. Such types of deviations in upbringing as hypo- and hyperprotection, neglect, emotional rejection, etc. have been studied. Let us consider the features of upbringing, the consideration of which is most important when analyzing the etiology of disorders in the personality of a teenager. At the same time, we will give a description of those scales of the DIA questionnaire that are intended to diagnose these features.

When studying the impact of upbringing deviations on the personality of a teenager, it is necessary to take into account that some upbringing disorders affect the teenager in themselves. The nature of the impact of others depends on what other disorders in education they occur in combination with. 1 . Level of protection in the educational process. We are talking about how much effort, attention, and time parents devote to raising a teenager. There are two levels of protection: excessive (hyperprotection) and insufficient (hypoprotection). Hyperprotection (G+ scale). We talk about hyperprotection when parents devote a lot of time and attention to a teenager, when his upbringing has become the central task in the parents’ lives, the main thing that life is devoted to. Typical statements from such parents reflect the important place that the teenager occupies in their lives, an exaggerated idea of what will happen if they do not devote all their time and energy. These typical statements were used to develop the corresponding scale. Hypoprotection (G- scale) is a case of an extremely low level of protection. At the same time, the teenager finds himself on the periphery of the parents’ attention, “their hands don’t reach him,” and the parents “don’t care about him.” The teenager often falls out of sight. They take it up only from time to time, when something serious happens (typical statements of such parents are systematized on the G– scale). 2. The degree to which the teenager’s needs are met. We are talking about the extent to which the parents’ activities are aimed at satisfying the teenager’s needs, both material and everyday (food, clothing, entertainment) and spiritual (and above all, in communication with parents, in their love and attention). This feature of family upbringing is fundamentally different from the previous one (types of protection). If the first characterizes the extent to which parents are involved in raising a teenager, then the second characterizes the extent to which they strive to satisfy his needs. The so-called “Spartan upbringing” is an example of a high level of protection (the parent does a lot of upbringing and pays a lot of attention to it) and low satisfaction of the teenager’s needs. There are also two possible deviations in the degree of satisfaction of needs. Indulgence (U+ scale). Indulgence is said to occur when parents strive to maximally satisfy any needs of the teenager. They spoil him. Any of his wishes is law for them. Explaining the need for such upbringing, parents cite arguments that are typical rationalizations: the “weakness” of the child, his exclusivity, the desire to give him what the parent himself was deprived of at one time; the fact that a teenager grows up alone, without a father, etc. Ignoring the needs of a teenager (U- scale). This parenting style is the opposite of indulgence and is characterized by the parent’s insufficient desire to meet the needs of the teenager. More often, spiritual needs suffer, especially the need for emotional contact, communication with parents, and their love. The described style is manifested in certain statements by parents, indirectly reflecting their reluctance to communicate with teenagers, in the preference for children who do not demand anything from their parents. 3. The number of requirements for a teenager in the family. Requirements for a teenager are an integral part of the educational process. These are also the responsibilities of a teenager, i.e. tasks that a teenager performs (study, self-care, participation in organizing everyday life, helping other family members). Secondly, these are requirements-prohibitions (things that a teenager should not do). Failure to comply with requirements by a teenager is subject to sanctions (from mild condemnation to severe punishment). The forms of violation of the system of requirements for a teenager are different. Let us consider violations in the system of a teenager’s responsibilities in the number of these responsibilities. Excessive demands (responsibilities) - (T+ scale). Increased moral responsibility. The requirements for a teenager in this case are very great, excessive, do not correspond to his capabilities, and not only do not contribute to the development of his personality, but, on the contrary, put him at risk. In one case, a more or less significant part of the parents’ responsibilities (housekeeping, caring for young children) is transferred to the teenager. Such parents, as a rule, realize that the teenager is very busy, but do not see the excessive load. They are also confident that this is required by the circumstances in which the family finds itself at the moment. In another case, a teenager is expected to achieve significant success in school or other prestigious activities (amateur arts, sports, etc.) that does not correspond to his abilities. Parents emphasize in the conversation the efforts they make to organize his success. Insufficient responsibilities of a teenager (T– scale). In this case, the teenager has a minimum number of responsibilities in the family. This feature of upbringing is manifested in the statements of parents that it is difficult to involve a teenager in any chores around the house.

4. Number of demands-prohibitions. Requirements-prohibitions, i.e. instructions on what a teenager cannot do, determine, first of all, the degree of independence of the teenager, the ability to choose his own behavior. And here two deviations are possible: excessiveness and insufficiency of requirements-prohibitions.

Excessive demands-prohibitions (dominance) (3+ scale). In this case, the teenager “cannot do everything.” He is faced with a huge number of demands that limit his freedom and independence. This situation stimulates the development of an emancipation reaction (protest against parents and any authority) in sthenic adolescents; in less sthenic adolescents it provokes the development of traits of sensitive and psychasthenic accentuation. Typical statements by parents reflect their fear of any manifestation of independence by a teenager. This fear manifests itself in a sharp exaggeration of the consequences that can occur even with a slight violation of the prohibition, as well as in the desire to suppress the independence of a teenager’s thoughts (see scale Z+). Insufficiency of demands-prohibitions for a teenager (scale 3-). In this case, the teenager can do anything. Even if there are some prohibitions, the teenager easily violates them. He himself determines the time of returning home in the evening, his circle of friends, the question of smoking and drinking alcohol. He doesn't answer to his parents for anything. At the same time, parents do not want or cannot establish any boundaries in his behavior. This upbringing stimulates the development of a teenager according to the hyperthymic and, especially, unstable types. 5. Severity of sanctions. Excessive sanctions (cruel parenting style) (scale C+). Such parents are characterized by a commitment to strict punishments and an excessive reaction to even minor violations. Typical statements from these parents reflect their beliefs in the benefits of being as strict as possible for their children. Minimum sanctions (scale C–). Parents tend to avoid punishment or use it rarely. They rely on rewards and doubt the effectiveness of any punishment. 6. Unstable type of upbringing. A sharp change in parenting style (change of educational techniques) - a transition from very strict to liberal and vice versa, a transition from significant attention to a teenager to emotional rejection - is relatively common in families of adolescents with character deviations. This style, according to the observation of the German psychiatrist K. Leonhard, contributes to the formation of such traits as stubbornness and a tendency to resist any authority. Parents of such teenagers, as a rule, recognize significant fluctuations in raising a teenager, but underestimate the scope and frequency of these fluctuations (see H scale). Combinations of various deviations in education. A large number of combinations of the listed features of family education are possible. However, the following combinations are especially important from the point of view of analyzing the reasons for the deviation of a teenager’s character, as well as the occurrence of neuroses and neurosis-like conditions (see the table for diagnosing types of family upbringing).

Diagnostics of types of family upbringing Expression of features of the educational process
Type of upbringing

Protection level (G)	Completeness of satisfaction of needs (U)	Number of requirements	Number of bans	Severity of sanctions
G	U	T	Z	WITH
Pandering Overprotection	+	+	–	–	–
Dominant hyperprotection	+	+ –	+ –	+	+ –
Harsh treatment	–	–	+ –	+ –	+
Emotional rejection	–	–	+ –	+ –	+
Increased moral responsibility	–	–	+	+ –	+ –
Neglect	–	–	–	–	+ –

Note: the sign “+” means excessive expression of the corresponding trait of upbringing, “–” - insufficient expression; “+ -” means that with this type of upbringing, both excessiveness of this trait and its insufficiency or lack of expression are possible. Indulging hyperprotection (indulgence + increased protection). The teenager is the center of attention of the family, and the family strives to meet his needs as best as possible. This type of education contributes to the development of hysterical and hyperthymic character traits in a teenager. Dominant hyperprotection (dominance + hyperprotection). A teenager is the center of attention of his parents, who devote a lot of energy and time to him, while at the same time depriving him of independence, setting numerous restrictions and prohibitions. In hyperthymic adolescents, such upbringing enhances the emancipation reaction. With psychasthenic, sensitive, astheno-neurotic accentuation of character, it enhances asthenic traits. Emotional rejection (G–, U–, C+) is formed by a combination of reduced protection, ignoring the needs of the child and often manifests itself in harsh treatment of the teenager. In the extreme case, this is Cinderella-type education. With such upbringing, the features of epileptoid character accentuation are enhanced, and in adolescents with emotionally labile, sensitive and astheno-neurotic character accentuations, processes of decompensation and neurotic disorders can form. Increased moral responsibility (G–, U–, T+) is formed by a combination of high demands on a teenager with a decrease in parents’ attention to him and less concern for him. This type of education stimulates the development of psychasthenic character accentuation traits. Neglect (G–, U–, T–, Z–). Reduced protection + reduced level of satisfaction of needs + reduced level of demands on the teenager + reduced number of prohibitions. The teenager is left to his own devices, his parents are not interested in him and do not control him. Such upbringing is especially unfavorable for accentuations of the hyperthymic, unstable and conformal types.

Analysis of family relationships in adolescents with psychopathy, character accentuations, neuroses and neurosis-like conditions (NAS)
Causes of deviations in family education
Questionnaire for parents of children aged 3-10 years
Questionnaire for parents of teenagers aged 11-21 years.
Answer registration form (ARB).
PARI Method

Overprotection is excessive care for children. More solidly and scientifically, the same thing is called hyperprotection (from the Greek hyper - over + Lat. protecto - to guard, protect, patronize) The literal translation of the term hyperprotection is excessive care, hyperprotection. So, when describing this phenomenon, it seems preferable to use the second version of the term, which, with its Greek prefix, satisfies lovers of foreign language terminology, but is still close to our native language.

Overprotection is expressed in the desire of parents to surround the child with increased attention, to protect them even in the absence of real danger, to constantly keep them close to them, to “tie” children to their mood and feelings, to oblige them to act in a certain way that is safest for parents. At the same time, the child is spared the need to resolve problem situations, since solutions are either offered to him ready-made or are achieved without his participation. As a result, the child is deprived of the opportunity not only to overcome difficulties on his own, but even to soberly evaluate them. He loses the ability to mobilize his energy in difficult situations, he expects help from adults, especially from parents; the so-called learned helplessness develops - a conditioned reflex reaction to any obstacle as if it were insurmountable.

Usually, a higher level of care is shown to children in the first years of life, in the presence of diseases, physical and neuropsychic defects. Outside of the influence of these factors, overprotection is more typical of mothers who are not very sociable, with a limited, predetermined social circle. They compensate for their lack of sociability in relationships with children. The connection between the type of mother's temperament and the nature of care is more pronounced than among fathers: overprotection is more common in mothers with a phlegmatic and melancholic temperament. To a greater extent, overprotection is characteristic of mothers who dominate in the family, reflecting their involuntary intention to create dependence in children. In this case, the psychological mechanism of “obliging” children to act in a certain, once and for all given way is triggered. In addition, these mothers often try to form an isolated pair of communication in the family with their daughters, overly protective of them and not allowing the father to participate in their upbringing. If a daughter is similar to her father and feels the need for emotional contact with him, such a conflictual structure of family relationships can adversely affect the formation of the girl’s character and her subsequent relationships in marriage.

A special type of overprotection is found in mothers with hysterical character traits, ambitious, seeking recognition of their power at any cost. The means of this recognition is the child, whose achievements are emphasized and highlighted in every possible way; An aura of exclusivity and often a cult of permissiveness is created around the child. In fact, the outstanding Russian publicist N.V. Shelgunov wrote about this form of overprotection a hundred and fifty years ago, long before the formulation of modern psychological concepts of education, in his “Letters on Education”: “Intense one-sided love, concentrating all its pleasant memories on the child and transferred to him, is precisely the element of corruption that we are talking about. Why is it that the first-born and only children, and sometimes the last children, turn out mostly incorrectly? Only because the beloved child is the mother’s idol, and her love is aimed precisely at removing from the child everything that interferes with his child’s well-being. Not only does the child not know refusal, but he is also surrounded by a whole network of silent rewards that constantly flatter him. In every glance of the mother, the child reads approval, at every step he feels that he is the first, the only person - the center of the earth, around which everything revolves and serves. And imperceptibly, step by step, the child grows in an exceptional sense of primacy, without obstacles, contradictions and hindrances, and grows up as an unhappy “first person”, with a flabby character, with the absence of any restraining discipline, incapable of fighting life. If the “first man” finally finds his place among people, it will be through much, much suffering.”

Demonstrative hyperprotection

In fact, care and love in this case are of an external, demonstrative nature, designed more for the admiration of others and for public effect, rather than for real consideration of the emotional needs and age-related needs of children. This type of overprotection is observed more often in relation to only children and in some cases in single-parent families. Overprotection here often fulfills the affectively acute need for affection and love, primarily among the parents themselves.

The underlying desire of a mother to “tie” her child to herself and not let go of her is often motivated by a feeling of anxiety and anxiety. Then the need for the constant presence of children becomes a kind of ritual that reduces the mother’s anxiety and, above all, the fear of loneliness, or more broadly, the fear of lack of recognition and deprivation of support. Therefore, anxious and especially older mothers tend to be more protective. Troubled family relationships, when the emotional cohesion of spouses (parents) is upset, can also result in excessive attention of at least one of them to children - as a form of compensation for lost intimacy.

Fear for the child

Another common motive for overprotection is the existence in parents of a constant feeling of fear for the child, obsessive fears for his life, health, and well-being. It seems to them that something must happen to the children, that they need to be looked after in everything, protected from dangers, most of which in fact turn out to be the figment of the suspicious imagination of the parents. Overprotection, caused by the fear of loneliness or unhappiness with the child, can be regarded as an obsessive need for psychological protection, primarily of the parent himself, and not the child.

To a certain extent, parental concern may be justified due to the unfavorable combination of life circumstances in children, especially when they are physically and nervously weakened. However, this gives rise to a reciprocal feeling of anxiety and dependence on the parents in the child.

Inert hyperprotection

Another reason for overprotection is the inertia of the parent’s attitude towards the child: an already grown-up child, to whom more serious demands must be made, continues to be treated like a small child. This attitude usually occurs in cases where superiority over a small, inexperienced, defenseless child, the opportunity to care for and instruct him is the main, if not the only opportunity for personal self-affirmation of the parents themselves. It is clear that the growing up of a child and his gaining more and more independence frightens parents, as it deprives them of an important source of self-affirmation. Having no other opportunities to maintain their high status, they unconsciously strive to keep the growing child in the position of a small child, in comparison with which and in relationships with which only it is possible to demonstrate their merits. Therefore, such parents consider any manifestations of the child’s personal growth as a challenge and strive to rebuff them. This problem becomes especially important in adolescence, when the discrepancy between parental attitudes and the child’s increased capabilities can lead to acute conflicts. The situation is aggravated by the fact that from an early age the child under his care is poorly oriented in the whole variety of life situations, has a vague idea of constructive ways of self-affirmation, which can result in him accepting perverted, destructive methods, and this provides parents with new arguments in favor of his personal immaturity. In particularly severe cases, this situation drags on for years and prevents the full self-realization of both parents and their grown-up child.

Consequences of overprotection

The main unfavorable role of overprotection is the transmission of excessive anxiety to children, psychological infection with anxiety that is not characteristic of age. This gives rise to dependence, lack of independence, infantilism, self-doubt, risk avoidance, contradictory tendencies in personality formation, and lack of timely developed communication skills.

Parents need to be aware of whether their attitude towards their children is colored by excessive concern and anxiety. An honest awareness of the hidden motives of one’s behavior, as a rule, contributes to the normalization of attitudes towards children and the entire family atmosphere.

Psychologist's work

For a psychologist, compensation for the phenomena of hyperprotection (overprotection) is a difficult task, since it requires long-term, essentially psychotherapeutic work, not so much with the child as with the parents, because this problem was created by them and only by them can it be successfully solved. Moreover, the problem is further complicated by the parents’ unwillingness to accept the psychologist’s recommendations, the desire to justify their position with love for the child, and a sense of parental dedication. True dedication is required in order to recognize the presence of one’s own internal conflicts, personal problems, unconsciously projected onto the relationship with the child. This kind of recognition requires a high level of reflection, the lack of which even the most qualified psychologist can hardly compensate for.