Personal boundaries of a person in psychology: how to learn to set and defend them: building personality traits with a man

Imagine that the doors to your apartment are wide open. What will happen? Complete strangers will start coming to your home, breaking dishes, bringing in dirt, and dirtying furniture. It is unlikely that you will be comfortable with this state of affairs. But the same thing happens with feelings and emotions when all and sundry invade your life. In this article we will talk about a person’s personal boundaries: what they are in psychology and how to build them yourself.

What is it and why is it needed

The concept is conditional. It denotes an invisible line between a person’s worldview and the intentions of others. We need it to create a clear understanding that there is “I” and “others,” our sensations and others.

Some build a tall stone wall. And for the latter, such protection is completely absent, which negatively affects their sense of self and morale.

Do you know how to protect your inner peace? Let's take the test:

I try to please my acquaintances, colleagues, friends, and family through my actions.
I don’t make decisions on my own, but rely on other people’s opinions.
I say “Yes” even if I want to refuse.
Friends talk about their own lives, I’m not interested, but I listen.

Is all this normal for you? I will disappoint you: your personal boundaries are being seriously and grossly violated. But don’t be alarmed: during consultations I will help you cope with the problem.

Let's think: why is invasion bad for you? This negatively affects mental balance. A person begins to experience discomfort, becomes depressed, or notices a bad mood every day. And the feeling of fatigue becomes his best friend.

After all, a colossal amount of energy is spent on maintaining good relationships with others. You allow yourself to be manipulated. And, although you don’t like it, don’t speak out against it.

There is a misconception that such situations arise due to a bad environment. After all, a close friend will not use you for personal gain. But this is a deep misconception. Individual space belongs only to you, and you need to learn how to create and protect it.

Content

What are personal boundaries and why do people need them?
Types of personality boundaries;
Signs of weak personal boundaries;
Why do we allow our personal boundaries to be violated;
Who most often violates a person’s personal boundaries;
How to determine personal boundaries;
3 ways to protect personal boundaries;
How to set personal boundaries;
How to withstand pressure from loved ones;
How to learn to say: “NO”;
Personal boundaries in relationships;

Why do we allow personal boundaries to be violated?

Let us highlight an important point: people are not born with a sense of individual space. They shape it throughout their lives. But the beginning of the process begins in childhood.

Many parents with the best intentions limit their children. So they try to protect them from harm, but at the same time they do not allow them to live independently. This becomes the main reason for violating the invisible “line” after growing up.

Growing up, we do not obey mom and dad in everything. But at the same time we spit on our own desires and thoughts, just so as not to offend our relatives. There are also those who feel indebted to them for raising them and putting them on their feet. The family does not wish us harm, but at the same time it attacks the boundaries, which is not good.

You can understand why we try for the sake of our loved ones. But how to explain the attitude towards strangers? Psychologists attribute this to the fear of loneliness. After all, many fear that by refusing a person, we will anger him and lose his love.

Healthy personal boundaries: how to refuse without feeling guilty?

Healthy personal boundaries are the foundation of a balanced psychological state. When boundaries are clearly set, a person feels confident and most communications with other people are friendly. For a teacher, this is always a guarantee of inner peace and confidence, mental comfort under numerous daily stresses. Do you remember how, as a child, you wanted to tell someone no, to defend your own scoop in the sandbox?

Let's talk about what healthy personal boundaries are and how to create them; how to say “no” without feeling guilty; how to respond to rudeness and disrespect; how to avoid manipulation towards yourself; how to behave so that others show respect without being intimidating.

What are personality boundaries?

It is much easier to see and even feel physical boundaries. But what if we are talking about psychological, personal boundaries? First of all, let's understand the terms. In psychology, boundaries are the understanding of one's self as separate from others. It is precisely the understanding of our individuality that forms the basis of our personality.

As in any other area, before you evaluate and adjust something, you must first imagine how it is formed. The formation of boundaries occurs in the process of emotional and physical maturation of a person (separation). The baby practically does not feel his mental difference from his mother; he identifies himself with what the mother feels. And when children begin to learn about the world, they learn about themselves as a separate part of this world.

Why are boundaries needed?

“Awareness of yourself as a separate person with your own goals, desires and needs is the key to living your life and realizing your potential. But most people have violations in the formation of boundaries. As a result, many adults cannot refuse, they sort out other people’s problems, have difficulty expressing their own opinions, and agree to work that they did not intend to do.”

The function of psychological boundaries is to ensure that a person can receive everything necessary for his development from the environment, as well as limit the intake of what harms him.

The psychological boundary of the individual also carries communication and protective functions for our inner self. As a rule, our personal boundaries are determined by interests, goals and desires in a particular situation, and are also based on internal values and preferences.

Type of boundaries. Typology of Nina Brown

Soft.

Easily manipulated, have difficulty refusing others, express their opinions, merge with other people

Spongy.

Unreasonably and easily absorb other people's opinions, views, principles; feel extremely insecure

Tough.

In any situation, violations of their boundaries remain and encroachment is met with harsh rebuff and aggression.

Flexible (healthy boundaries).

Change depending on the situation in a healthy way allows a person to easily communicate, refuse, stop communicating, make decisions, keep others at the distance that is necessary, without disturbing the relationship

What are healthy boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are flexible, yet clearly existent! A person with healthy boundaries...

Recognizes himself as a separate person
Knows and respects his goals, desires, needs, values
Respects the boundaries, wishes and needs of others
Flexible in communication, able to negotiate
Self-assured
Is in constant contact with reality
Communicates better with other people
Builds good relationships
More stable, better in control of your life

Your own vision, your own opinion is normal!

How does boundary violation occur?

Most people violate each other's boundaries. Fortunately, there is always a chance to start tracking this and gradually improve communication. And, of course, you should start with yourself.

As a rule, if a person’s boundaries are too soft or, conversely, too hard, this means that he behaves the same way with other people. This happens automatically, because he simply does not know how to live and act differently. What situations may arise in communication when personality boundaries are unhealthy?

projection of one’s personality onto an opponent;
blaming a person for your problems (you ruined my life; it’s all because of you; if it weren’t for you...);
behavior control (you should no longer do this; do this, this and that);
unsolicited advice on how to be (if I were you... should have been done a long time ago...);
attitudes, what events should be assessed;
assessment of your appearance and personality.

How to understand that boundaries have been violated?

Using internal marker signals, it is easy to track when your borders are being invaded without your desire. Have you ever experienced anything like this when interacting with others?

anger
anger
aggression
resentment
guilt
fear

Are my boundaries violated? Yes, if you...

You have difficulty determining what belongs to you and what belongs to others.
Often you do something only because “that’s what normal people/women/real men/thinking and responsible workers do.” Although you don't like it.
You can't refuse.
You think that your happiness and well-being depend on others.
You trust others because “they know better.”
Spend more time solving other people's problems rather than your own.
You pay little attention to yourself.
Continuing relationships with people who treat you poorly or whom you don't like.
You cannot ask for help or express your needs and desires to other people.
You feel responsible for the feelings of others.
You cannot fight back against other people who may use your things or money.
Submit to the wishes of friends/colleagues.
Shy.
Have a hard time speaking your mind or opening up your thoughts.
Alone, you can hardly cope with yourself.
Sensitive to criticism.
You often feel angry.
You cannot determine your true desires, goals, values, needs.
You are afraid to show your true self, you try to be what others want you to see.

Where do legs grow from, or What is the cause of unhealthy boundaries?

Many claims for violated boundaries lie in childhood (parents violated the child’s boundaries). And as adults, we simply project these grievances and claims onto others. The underlying reason is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of conflict, being bad, evil, selfish, tyrant. Tact forms the habit of bending one’s own boundaries and violating others’ or, conversely, rigidly defending one’s own.

“Fear is the deepest cause of negative states. If now it’s scary to say “no” and defend your boundaries, then look how scary it is to be in this situation: selfish, indifferent, angry? But is this really the case now? Be sure to connect with reality! Most likely, even if you refuse a person, it will not be a crime for him. Try questioning your habitual behavior!”

Remember your childhood! Most likely, you behave the same way as you did then, or exactly the opposite.

Were boundaries violated? - emotional, spatial, value? Do you have brothers/sisters? Did you have your own place (room, bed, corner)? Did you have your own clothes and toys? Was it possible to show dissatisfaction and defend one’s own? How did parents react to asserting boundaries?

What to do with unbuilt boundaries?

“Healthy boundaries are yours.
task. Now, as an adult, you yourself need to go through the stage of forming and setting boundaries that were violated in childhood.”

Remember your rights!
You have the right to your opinion, to your feelings, to express your feelings and opinions in an adequate form. You have the right to your property, to your boundaries. You have the right to say “No!” You have the right to take time and attention for yourself.

It is necessary and possible to set boundaries as an adult and make them healthy. It is your right. You may be different from other people, and that's okay!

Principles for building internal boundaries

“First the oxygen mask on yourself, then on others.”

The basis of boundaries is awareness of oneself as a separate person, a person, understanding one’s right to emotional and personal boundaries. When they try to push you, feel whether you like it, think about yourself first. See what you want right now!

Get out of the victim position.

Monitor your thoughts: “they are doing this, they are to blame”, “what can I do”, “this will never end”, etc.

Take responsibility for your boundaries.

This will give you back your power and control over the situation. It is your job to build your own healthy boundaries. Other people don't have to do this.

Recognize your desires.

Learn to see your own needs, goals, motivations. Assign space and things to “yours.” Find out what you like and don’t like about communication.

Face fear.

It is important to see fears in communication and start working with them.

Talk, talk, talk!

Start making your communication needs known to others and give honest feedback. People can't read your mind and shouldn't. Tell the world about your conditions and desires in an adequate form (without demands or complaints).

Start saying no.

By identifying your position and knowing what you want, you can easily say no to others and clarify your position.

Create your own rules in communicating with yourself.

And stick to them in relation to yourself and other people (don’t be rude, don’t shout, don’t take without asking, etc.).
If you break your own rules in communicating with yourself, then what do you expect from others? Recognize other people's boundaries.
Start asking others for permission before you do anything. For example: “can I take your mug?”, “can I hug you?”, “can I share my opinion with you?”, “can I give you advice?”, “can I tell you what’s bothering me?” etc.

Communicate with a loved one you trust.

Start building boundaries in confidential communication. Agree with the person that you will learn to express your feelings and give your feedback regarding violation of boundaries. It's better to do this in a playful way.

Find a positive example.

Surely there is someone in your circle who, in your opinion, has healthy boundaries. Talk to him more!

Boundary Techniques

Speak out loud, don't shut up.

At first, you need to train yourself to give feedback to other people. Likewise, you can ask others to tell you what is best for them. And that's absolutely normal!

Make time for yourself every day.

How long have you been alone with yourself for at least 15 minutes? Not for work, not for communicating with someone. Just turn on the music, pour yourself some tea. First, teach yourself to respect boundaries!

Ask for feedback.

Has the other person accepted your position, is there anything you need to clarify?

Read the Gestalt prayer.

Helps clarify various points in communication.

Meditate on your boundaries.

Turn on pleasant meditative music, preferably without words, relax, imagine that you are in a clearing, what are your boundaries now? Reinforced concrete or, on the contrary, washed out? Do you feel comfortable wearing them? If not, draw in your mind the boundaries that you would like. Be sure to make a gate in them - this will mean that you are ready for dialogue, ready to listen to the opinions of other people (open and close the gate), but still your own boundaries are a priority.

Draw the boundaries that exist now and those you want.

An alternative to meditation. Everything is the same as in the previous paragraph, you draw on a piece of paper.

Try the “Adults are not home” principle.

If, for example, you are asked to do something at work, but you cannot assess whether it will violate your boundaries or not, act like a child who is left at home alone. Tell yourself: “No one is home!” It's not just a joke - it gives you time to think.

Say “no” more often if you have soft boundaries, and say “yes” if you have hard ones.

At first the sensations may be a little strange, but you need to accustom yourself to this.

What if…

Are you afraid that they will refuse?	Don't ask, you won't find out.
Have you already violated my boundaries?	Do useful work for yourself - remember why you said “no” right away, what you were afraid of, what you felt. If possible, communicate your feelings after the fact (“I felt unpleasant, but I couldn’t say it right away”).
Will they think I'm selfish?	This is your fear of being selfish. And what is more important to you - your life and your peace of mind, or your fear and the hypothetical thoughts of others? Plus, you can always ask the other person about their feelings.
Have I violated boundaries?	Record this moment and apologize to the person.
Do you feel guilty after refusing?	Ask yourself - what am I to blame for? This is true? Or is it my fear?
Are you anxious about talking about your feelings and attitudes?	Until you do it, you won't gain experience. Anxiety can and should be dealt with.

Checklist for setting boundaries

✅ I have a clear position on my activities. Knowing what I do, why, why, what I give, what I receive.

✅ The same thing applies to communication with colleagues, parents, and students.

✅ I follow my own rules in communication.

✅ I know my needs, listen to my desires, conditions, pursue my goals, remain true to my values, feel what is acceptable to me and what is not.

✅ I set aside time for communication at work (colleagues, parents) and notify people about it.

✅ I make time for myself. At this time, there is no one around, there is nothing to do, I don’t solve other people’s problems and don’t think about others. All my attention is on me.

Who most often invades personal space?

There are three types of people capable of infiltrating our “territory”:

Those who know about the existence of a phenomenon and respect it, but under specific circumstances, for example, during stress or a quarrel, unconsciously step over them.
Who lacks tact due to lack of upbringing. These are not aggressors; their parents simply did not teach them the correct behavior as children.
Manipulators. They are fully aware of their actions and know how to gain benefit by causing pain or discomfort to a person.

Defining Personal Boundaries

But before you outline your own space, you need to define it. There are two methods for this.

Individual rules

Take a piece of paper and a pen and write a list of what you love to do or what brings you satisfaction or comfort. For example:

I do not complete tasks for others, even when strongly requested.
I don’t visit friends unannounced and don’t receive guests unless they contact me first.
I don’t call after 10 pm and don’t answer calls.
After work, I spend time with my family and no one can disturb me.
On weekends I ignore messages about work.
I communicate only on topics that interest me.
I don’t give advice without asking.
I don't do schoolwork for my children.
If I'm busy and can't talk on the phone, I'll tell the caller right away.
When I don't want to do a certain thing, I will refuse without fear of offending.

This list may be supplemented and changed depending on personal rules.

Method for discomfort

This method works from the opposite: from an uncomfortable feeling to building a “line”. For example, communicating with a friend becomes unpleasant for you. Or after emotional speeches and complaints you feel too tired. At this moment, tell yourself: “Stop! I don’t want to hear this anymore!”

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It's easier to be offended than to be honest about what annoys you.

Russian women have a habit of “swallowing an insult.” Why is this dangerous? If you remained silent and did not tell about your offense right away, then the pain settles in your body. It gradually accumulates and turns into a disease. The disease is given to you FOR PAIN, that’s why it’s called that.

For example, a sore throat is an obvious lump of resentment in the throat. A cold, runny nose, fever, and all similar symptoms are a signal that, most likely, personal boundaries have been violated. That is, your body tells you: “My dear, you can’t live like this anymore! Here's your temperature. Just lie down and think.”

And it happens the other way around. Women pour out all their accumulated grievances, but not on the offenders, but on innocent people. For example, at work your boss made you angry, and you didn’t tell him about it. The anger remains. And then you come home and lash out at your family and friends. For what? It’s better to honestly tell the offender that you can’t be treated like that.

Understand that people cannot read minds. They didn’t study to become psychics, they don’t read your field and have no idea what your personal boundaries are. Everyone was raised in different families. Everyone has their own habits and their own limits of what is permitted. And until you clearly tell us how you can and cannot work with you, no one will guess. You and only you can tell about your personal boundaries!

How to defend your personal boundaries: 3 ways

When strangers encroach on your personal “territory,” it is necessary to defend it with all your might. We are afraid of offending a person by refusing or we feel too strongly about responsibility. And therefore we act to our detriment.

Does your mother give you urgent advice? Tell her that you know what to do and are confident in yourself. Does your girlfriend constantly complain about life, not paying attention to your disinterest? Let her know that she can only talk about good things with you.

Psychologists recommend writing down incidents that disturb your mental balance on paper and coming up with specific safe words for them. In order not to hesitate at the right moment, play out the situations and their possible outcomes in your head. And follow the algorithm when communicating that causes discomfort.

To protect yourself from an invasion, you need to take three actions. We will talk about them further.

Feel the disturbance

Imagine: you are planning to spend a day off with your loved one, but then your boss calls asking you to come to work. What feelings do you think will arise? If you are in a great mood and want to work hard, they are positive. What if plans for a joint vacation were made in a week?

In all cases, put “I” first. You should not take actions to the detriment of yourself, so as not to disappoint others.

You are violating personal boundaries

If you are trying to get certain actions from others, start with yourself. Therefore, in order to protect your own space, you need to learn to respect someone else’s. After all, we are not perfect either.

The simplest example: meeting a friend on the street, we ask where he is going. It would seem that this is a common thing, but it may be unpleasant for someone to answer.

Listen to yourself

How do you feel when others cross the “line” or do you? What is driving you at the moment? Curiosity, inattention - whatever it is, try to get rid of such feelings.

Violation

It should be borne in mind that psychology is not a very precise science, since the individual characteristics of each person must be taken into account. Some people are comfortable communicating from afar, while others feel comfortable communicating face to face. It is difficult for those people who have heightened feelings about safety when they need some distance from others. After all, then at concerts they experience panic, on public transport irritation, disgust and anxiety, the same in the elevator, at work, and so on.

Let’s assume that each intrusion is akin to a slap in the face, but now imagine how many slaps in the face a person experiences during the day? In this case, the emotional sphere is exposed, the person is not able to adequately respond to the slightest stimuli, because he had to endure and experience stress, and for a long time. But what about a child who is called capricious, but in fact was “tortured” with hugs and kisses that he did not want?

Have you noticed that there are people who like to talk when their faces are too close to each other? It seems that you move away a little or lean back, and this person approaches again. And he seems to be a good person, but you want to end the conversation with him quickly. And when something has to be endured, we are talking about boundaries. After all, what prevents an obsessive person from telling you to move away a little, otherwise you’re not particularly comfortable?

Examples of violation

It often happens that a person seems to understand this, but is ready to “betray” himself in order to get something. Therefore, women can endure the bullying of their men for years, thinking that through obedience and sacrifice they will win their love, which can change the tyrants. Or because they are afraid to take responsibility and break this vicious circle. Loneliness scares what others will say...

Or, for example, an employee is ready to follow any instructions, even going to the extent of going out on a day off, just to please the bosses, who will appreciate it and definitely give it a raise. Do you know the fables about how a true friend will never leave you in trouble, so he will wake up at any time of the night and rush to help bury a corpse and the like?

There are many reasons why a person ignores his own self, but a more common reason is ignorance of himself or the fact that everyone has the right to their own opinion and personal space.

Well, let’s say I don’t like sweets, what should I do now, stuff myself with it in order to meet someone’s expectations? No, you just have to learn to keep a balance between your “I” and the demands of society.

Personal boundaries: how to set them

And now we come to the most important thing: how to build a territory and what skills are needed for this. As mentioned above, people are not born with a sense of personal space; they work on it throughout their lives. After all, when meeting a new person, you have to put out “border guards”, getting used to the peculiarities of communicating with him.

To make the result noticeable, psychologists give several recommendations:

Start with self-assessment. Anyone who allows himself to be manipulated lacks confidence. Understand that you are also an individual and have the same rights as others.
You know what you want. Anyone who does not understand his desires is easily influenced. Therefore, set goals and do what you love, without taking into account other people's opinions.
Learn to say no. Helping others is good, but not at the expense of yourself. If it's not your responsibility, you can agree or say a firm "No" without feeling guilty.
Let's fight back. Someone else has encroached on your space - don’t remain silent. Know how to stand up for yourself: protect yourself from unnecessary advice or ask not to ask too intrusive questions.
Stop blaming everyone! The only one to blame for your failures is you. Do not shift responsibility to parents, friends or random passers-by. Only you can fix the situation now.
Limit interactions with energy vampires and unpleasant people. If conversations with an acquaintance take all your energy, and your “girlfriend” constantly talks about her own problems and is not interested in your affairs, why put yourself at risk?

Society: mass or individuals?

Humanity belongs to “personified communities” - this means that we are capable of personal interaction based on the recognition of the existence of other people in their own separate mental world.

It just seems like a simple idea. In fact, the discovery of the psychic world of the Other is a dramatic process and is often associated with great disappointment and rage.

And sometimes this is completely inaccessible to a person: such people are usually called “difficult” or “specific”, since they are prone to authoritarian dominance and do not take into account that other people also have feelings and their own interests. They simply do not realize that others have a separate mental world - and it is just as important as their own.

There are such people in many families: they are usually not told spiritual secrets or communicate with them only out of a sense of duty. We now call this behavior “underdeveloped emotional intelligence.”

Undeveloped emotional intelligence is also a problem of too strict boundaries, when the world of the Other turns out to be dangerous or uninteresting. The Other, different from us, requires flexibility and the ability to accept multiple realities and versions of the truth. If there is no flexibility, then the Other is a threat.

A clear process of border contact on a large social scale is happening right now when faced with a collective danger—the virus. Prolonged uncertainty forces each of us to daily decide the question of our security boundaries and constantly discover people who solve it differently than we do. Moreover, every panic attack associated with an increase in the number of cases changes positions and moves boundaries.

All this causes anger. If I decide that wearing a mask, gloves, social distancing is my protective system, then everyone who does not share my rules is not respecting my boundaries. And exactly the opposite: those who force me to wear “muzzles” destroy my business and support social monitoring, that is, they attack my boundaries and do it very aggressively!

These are two mental realities of equal importance, filled with mirror (identical) emotions and arguments.

Using the example of a virus, we can see, as if under a microscope, the process of regulating boundaries in large groups. For an individual, everything is the same.

Fear and anger are on the same emotional scale: overcoming fear, we are filled with anger and energy for appropriate action. Personal boundaries are created based on these emotions. Their mechanism is clear and predictable: the more we are afraid, the more anger, aggression and revolutionary sentiments we then develop.

In this sense, a civilizational battle is now taking place: should we become conditional Chinese and accept common rules for everyone, or remain in our value-biological positions, supporting a variety of behavioral strategies, and hope for the best? The results of the experiment will be clear in the coming years.

How to build personal boundaries when communicating with loved ones

You can cut off all contacts with an outsider who is tired of asking questions. But what to do when the intrusion comes from a parent, brother or sister? All mothers want the best for their children, but try to be too involved in their lives. But why not stop communicating with them?

Ask a question

You can withstand the onslaught without showing negativity or irritation. If mommy gives advice that is not particularly useful to you, answer her: “I love and appreciate you very much, but let me deal with the problem on my own.” The main thing is to pronounce this phrase with a positive intonation.

Often women become victims of manipulation by children. When you come home from work, you want to rest and relax a little. But the kids do not give rest, they want to go for a walk or ask to play with them. Calmly explain that you need an hour to come to your senses, and then you will fulfill any of their wishes.

Criteria for violated psychological boundaries

Psychologists and psychotherapists identify only 6 signs that a person’s personal boundaries have been violated. The first letters of these signs form the word Misery, which literally means “insignificance”:

M (Mother). This is emotional dependence on one of the parents or adults who were directly involved in upbringing. The person unconsciously tries to gain their approval. This takes a huge toll on relationships. They are started only with the partner who bears the slightest resemblance to the mother or father.
I (Identity). The problem is realizing oneself as an individual. It occurs in children who have always been tried to change, compared to someone. The child had to adapt, try to meet the parents' expectations. This led to the formation of a false “I”. Having matured, he still tries to please others. Because of this, the integrity of his personality is violated, he loses himself.
S (Splitting). Quite an interesting phenomenon. It is difficult for a person to perceive positive and negative traits at the same time. Therefore, he divides those around him into good and bad. He also considers himself to be one of the groups. In the life of such people there are always two poles. They cannot perceive the world as a whole. Only a psychotherapist can help in this case.
E (Engulfment). This sign of broken boundaries usually manifests itself in relationships. A person “sticks” to a partner, demands more and more attention, gets offended if he does not get what he wants. There is another side to the coin. Sometimes the fear of abandonment or uselessness is replaced by the fear of absorption. In such cases, the individual, on the contrary, avoids any close relationships.
R (Rage). This is rage. If psychological boundaries are constantly violated, anger accumulates inside. Over time, it transforms into rage. These emotions do not find a way out, because people are simply afraid of such an outburst. All this is reflected in their behavior. They can be sweet and smiling with others. At home they show themselves as tyrants. Sometimes the rage spills out on the person himself. He eats himself from the inside, constantly blames him for something, criticizes him undeservedly.
Y (Yearning). Here we are talking about longing. A person who has realized the violation of his psychological boundaries desperately needs support, love, and consolation. This is something he didn't get as a child. A person expects such a friend or partner to appear next to him.

There is only one way to correct the situation - to restore or rebuild your boundaries, to learn to adequately perceive your inner “I”.

Learning to say “No”

This is the basic rule: firmly refuse and do not regret what you did. But, unfortunately, few people can do this. People are driven by the fear of losing love or a good attitude towards themselves. We offer 5 steps to competently refuse:

Show your feelings. The man made a request - show dissatisfaction and thereby soften the ground.
Explain your decision based on your own feelings. Don't try to pull arguments out of thin air, otherwise it will look like an excuse.
Don't leave someone you know in a hopeless situation. When refusing, suggest another way to resolve the issue.
Most likely, the person asking will begin to persuade you to agree. Calmly listen to everything he has to say.
If there is still no desire to help, repeat what you said, taking into account what you heard.

But remember: when uncertainty appears in your voice, your partner will win, and you will agree to do something you didn’t want. Therefore, you must refuse confidently and firmly.

How to set personal boundaries between a woman and a man

A common cause of relationship breakdown is a violation of personal space. Let's try to explain with an example. Anna meets with Mikhail. They spend almost all their free time together: the two of them go to see friends, watch movies, and go for walks. And at the initial stage of falling in love, this seems wonderful. But later the girl realizes that she has not seen her friends for a long time and abandoned her drawing classes. The guy does not allow her to go to parties without him and believes that she absolutely does not need the courses.

How long will this couple last? If there is no compromise, no. Therefore, it is important to build a “line” in family matters.

Another example is domestic violence. This is a hot topic today. According to statistics, 40% of serious crimes in Russia are committed in the family, and about 14 thousand women die at the hands of their spouses. All representatives of the fair sex should have wide boundaries. If a person allows himself to be hit, it means that his sense of his own space is weakened. And this must be fought.

It is important to stop the offender the first time. Forgiving a loved one means making the situation worse. During an argument, calmly explain to your partner that raised voices are unacceptable. And if the situation repeats, just leave.

Experts give several recommendations on how to protect “territory” in relationships:

Think about this at the initial stage, otherwise later it will be too late.
Remember: we ourselves teach people how to treat us.
Psychological health is directly dependent on the breadth and strength of a personality trait.
Respect not only your own interests, but also the hobbies of your partner.