When does it occur and how long does it last?
It is impossible to say with 100% accuracy exactly when the crisis period will begin and how long it will last.
Like the severity of symptoms, these indicators largely depend on the character of the woman herself. The crisis may begin a couple of years earlier or a couple of years later . It lasts on average from 2 to 4 years.
But if a woman is not ready to spend so much time feeling sorry for herself and thinking about the current situation, and is also ready to act, this period will end much earlier.
As you know, women are more emotional than men. They also cope with psychological problems faster. Therefore, their crisis often passes less brightly.
The essence and its reasons
To put it in simple words, the crisis of 30 years is the loss of the meaning of life . The woman looks back and realizes that part of her life, her youth, has passed, and she did not take advantage of the opportunities given to her. In fact, the years were wasted. And there are still so many years ahead that I really don’t want to live in the same way.
It also happens that a woman, on the contrary, has already achieved a lot, built a career, got married, and gave birth to children. And it seems like there is nowhere to go. And then the question arises: what next?
In both cases, a feeling of dissatisfaction, internal devastation, and apathy appears. Depression develops.
Psychologists have identified several reasons that, to one degree or another, contribute to the onset of a crisis period:
- Difficulties in personal life . Women who have not started a family by the age of 30 often experience severe stress because of this. Especially if they are surrounded by friends who have been happily married for a long time. However, you should not think that married ladies are not susceptible to crisis. Everyday difficulties and fatigue lead to disappointment and, as a result, deterioration of relations with the spouse.
- Aging . No, of course, thirty-year-old women do not turn into experienced old women. But the first signs of aging still appear. These are wrinkles, cellulite (for some it may have appeared earlier), sagging skin. For those who become mothers, these signs are often more pronounced.
- Lack of career . A woman could set herself certain goals in her work years ago. And it’s good if they were achieved. And if not?
- Comparing yourself with other, more successful women . By the age of 30, most women dream of having more than just a family and a job. I also want to have the opportunity to travel, develop, and make dreams come true. If all this is missing, so-called unconscious shame arises. It intensifies when meeting more successful classmates or childhood friends.
Whatever the reason that provoked the onset of the crisis, it will not be easy for the fair sex.
How does it happen in women?
Are there differences between male and female midlife crises? Undoubtedly. The fair sex is primarily concerned about their appearance: changes in hair, nails, skin turgor, weight gain, and stooping. All this is very frustrating and adds a huge amount of anxiety and self-doubt.
The second difference is that the women’s crisis for society is often less pronounced than the men’s crisis. Why? The point is the difference in the upbringing of boys and girls. Parents usually try to make the latter very responsible. In addition, from childhood they are more family oriented. It is not surprising that we are more likely to see men who, during a crisis, created a new marriage and became parents again, than women. It is no coincidence that the expression “gray hair in a beard - a devil in a rib” arose, describing specifically men.
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Five types of women that all men are afraid of The third feature is that a woman’s own existential crisis is very often superimposed on the teenage crisis of children.
It so happens that it is the mother who spends more time with the child, she is focused on the process of his upbringing and development, and so she receives an additional negative factor as a “bonus”. Poor academic performance of the child, attempts to control homework, going to parent-teacher meetings and sorting out relationships with other mothers in the parent committee lead to emotional exhaustion. The fourth feature is worries about failure. If you devoted yourself to children and home, and not to implementation in the profession, like some, this factor can be very traumatic. At the same time, I will note one interesting point: those for whom career has always been in the first place often devalue their achievements, considering them insufficient and even worthless. So business women also suffer in this situation.
Signs
The main “symptom” of the crisis of 30 years is depression. As users of social networks say, they experience despondency and apathy even when they have an apartment, a car, a dream job and a family. But this is just the beginning:
- Life is “automatic” . Every day is similar to the previous one. Household chores are replaced by work and so on in a circle. No goals or dreams. They have been replaced by tasks that do not bring any pleasure. The woman understands that something needs to be changed, but does not find the strength to do it.
- Reluctance to do anything . The stereotype imposed by society that 30 years is old age, a milestone after which nothing good can be expected, plays a role here. Accepting this fact as truth, the woman falls into despair, as if she is paralyzed. She understands that there is no particular point in change, and therefore refuses any action completely.
- Comparison with other people . Representatives of the fair sex tend to compare themselves with friends, neighbors, classmates, etc. The situation is getting worse with the onset of the crisis. Women are increasingly visiting the social media pages of more successful acquaintances or simply strangers. This is followed by disappointment and depression.
- Impulsivity . Trying to cope with unpleasant emotions, women do some pretty strange things. They radically change their appearance, unexpectedly dyeing their hair, for example, pink. They quit their jobs where they achieved certain career heights. They break off the relationship. But, unfortunately, all this does not help solve internal problems.
- Dependence on the opinions of surrounding people . The crisis of 30 years is associated with a careful analysis of what happened in the past. Some unpleasant events, psychological traumas, etc. come to light. Trying to work through and survive them, a woman asks a lot of questions. Only she looks for answers to them not from herself or her family and friends, but from complete strangers, for example, users of social networks.
- Concern with appearance . If it doesn't go out of line, there's no need to worry. Taking care of yourself is normal at any age. But during a crisis, concern about appearance becomes painful. A woman can work out in the gym until she loses consciousness, trying to get rid of cellulite and extra pounds. Every month he goes for rejuvenation and tightening procedures, etc.
Another symptom of the crisis of 30 years in women is insomnia or, conversely, drowsiness during the day. Everything is simple here. Increasing negative emotions and constant worries drive stress, which becomes chronic over time. And this, in turn, provokes sleep problems.
You can add to the list:
- excessive irritability,
- laziness,
- sudden mood swings,
- dissatisfaction with absolutely everything around,
- decreased sexual activity.
What can make your symptoms worse or worse?
The degree of severity of symptoms largely depends on the personality of the woman herself, on her character, temperament and other similar factors.
But that is not all. The crisis will be easier if there is support from family and friends , for example, a spouse or good friends who can be trusted.
It is also easier to cope with if you have a gainful job and enough time to relax.
Symptoms become more pronounced if a woman withdraws into herself. Often, trying to drown out unpleasant emotions, representatives of the fair sex begin to abuse alcohol or, even worse, take drugs. Of course, it doesn't get any easier for them.
Crisis of 30 years - features
Many call this condition a problem of the meaning of life or associate it with the influence of planets. Yes, a midlife crisis in women aged 30 has its own characteristics that do not allow it to be called a mental disorder or classified as depression. Therefore, it is important to take it calmly and not panic.
Crisis of 30 years – astrology
Experts say that the initiator of such a psychological state is Saturn. It symbolizes responsibilities, duty and restrictions. This is the planet of maturity, under the influence of which everyone goes through a period of depression or revaluation of values. The crisis of age 30 does not necessarily affect all areas of life. For every woman, this period concerns those topics that Saturn controls. For example, if it is associated with the 5th house of children, a crisis will arise after the birth of the child and force the woman to mature and learn to take responsibility.
The crisis of 30 years - the problem of the meaning of life
V. Frankl wrote that some of his patients suffered from a “profound loss of meaning in life,” which they described as an inner emptiness. The loss of meaning in life is closely related to incorrectly set goals. For example, if before the age of 30 a woman wanted to get married and have a child, then after this milestone she begins to think about career development. The age crisis of 30 years, associated with the loss of the meaning of life, also occurs in women who have everything. Frankl believed that his reason was the satisfaction of physical, not moral needs. This condition requires psychological help.
Films about the crisis of 30 years
There are several life-affirming films that will not only show the manifestations of this condition, but also tell you how to deal with it:
- Breakfast at Tiffany's
(1966) benefits today's youth.
2. Bridget Jones's Diary
(2001) is the most famous film demonstrating the crisis of a woman in her 30s.
3. "Fanatic"
(2000) attracts with its excellent cast and romantic presentation.
4. “Made in Italy”
(2018) appeals to both men and women due to its life story.
5. "Brad's Status"
(2017) will tell you that it is never too late to change your life.
Crisis of 30 years in women - books
Among the masterpieces recommended by psychologists:
- "Bridget Jones's Diary"
Fielding. The best book telling about the crisis after 30 years for women. - "Tender is the Night"
by Fitzgerald. The book is largely autobiographical. - "The Incredible Private Life of Maxwell Sim"
Coe. The plot is about an Englishman who is a loser. - "Midlife Crisis"
Sharp. A therapeutic story written by a psychoanalyst about one of his patients. - “Crises of adult life”
by Khukhlaeva. The author tells why a crisis is good.
How to overcome a difficult period?
Psychologists advise following a number of simple recommendations:
- It is important to convince the inner “I” that the past cannot be returned. There is no point in worrying about what happened or what never happened.
- Remember your strengths and achievements. To be more convincing, you can write them down on a piece of paper and re-read them from time to time.
- Think about the goals you would like to achieve, dream. After that, analyze the possibilities and think about how achievable these goals are. Then you can draw up an action plan and begin to implement it in practice.
- If necessary, seek help from family and friends. Even a simple conversation, the opportunity to talk to someone you can trust, will significantly improve your condition.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. It is a generally accepted fact that every person is different. Some achieved success earlier, others later. Some women build a career, others build a family. The question is what each of them personally likes and wants.
- Expand your opportunities by changing jobs. If for some reason this is not possible, find a hobby that will bring you pleasure and distract you from sad thoughts.
Meditation, yoga, and walks in the fresh air will also help you cope with the crisis of your thirties. You can watch motivational films, for example, “Bridget Jones's Diary” or “Brad's Status.” If there is no improvement, and the condition only worsens, you should consult a psychologist.
To cope with this crisis, a person must:
- Calm down, stop and analyze your behavior, your feelings.
- Ask yourself more often: “What exactly do I want?”
- Engage in hobbies, sports, find yourself in creativity.
- See life as an opportunity to discover something new and constantly change, rather than live in a routine and pull a boring load. A person builds his own life, and there are no boundaries for this except those set out in the law.
- The thirty-something crisis can be used as a springboard, as an incentive for further development.
At this time, it is not too late to go to school, change jobs, find a husband, have children. The main thing is to want and strive!
If something resonated with you while reading the text and it seems to you that the situation and symptoms described in the article are similar to your case, and you would like to solve this problem, you can call me first at + 7 (926) 169-36 -63 to talk about your problem that you want to solve.
The duration of the telephone consultation is 20 minutes (free of charge) , during which time I must decide whether I can help you within the framework of psychoanalytic counseling. If it’s easier for you to write a letter, you can do this by clicking on the link and sign up for a consultation. I ask you to describe your situation in as much detail as possible - the size of the letter is unlimited, I will definitely read your letter and respond.
I am always near.
Neoplasms
At the end of the crisis period, the woman becomes wiser . She knows exactly what she needs from life and how to achieve it. Moreover, she is ready to support other people facing similar problems.
The personal life of representatives of the fair sex who have survived the crisis is also undergoing a number of changes. Now it will be brighter, creative and rich. At the same time, a woman does not rely on the opinions and advice of others, but solely on her own worldview.
Family status
After 30 years of age, women experience general dissatisfaction with their lives during a crisis. If by this time a woman has not yet had children and does not have a permanent life partner, then she has a feeling of dissatisfaction and that she has not accomplished something. For childless women, the crisis may be more complicated and have pronounced symptoms. A married woman's relationship with her husband may deteriorate as a result of fading feelings and the need for daily household chores. Due to changes in appearance, a woman becomes unsure of herself, she begins to fear that her husband will find a younger girl, so conflicts and quarrels arise. As a result, the woman distances herself from her husband and children.
Why shouldn't you ignore manifestations?
If you don’t notice the manifestations of the crisis in time for 30 years, and blame everything on banal fatigue, you can face serious problems. Ignoring visible problems is the first mistake many women make .
The second is associated with a reluctance to help oneself with the help of a specialist or on one’s own. Lack of help entails extremely unpleasant consequences.
Here are some of them:
- eating disorders;
- drowsiness or insomnia;
- decreased libido;
- pain symptom for no apparent reason;
- decrease or, conversely, increase in performance;
- difficulties with adaptation to new circumstances;
- inability to adequately analyze the situation;
- decreased self-esteem;
- infantile behavior.
Also, many women simply distance themselves from reality, retreating into dreams and fantasies. They deny everything that is happening to them and do not take all the negative manifestations of the crisis seriously.
What if you “grit your teeth” and leave everything as it is?
Our psyche is so beautifully structured that, when experiencing negative emotions, it will definitely find ways to get rid of them, even if we “don’t allow it.”
It is known how often psychosomatic disorders occur precisely in those who are accustomed to “gritting their teeth.”
This is a voluminous and complex topic. You can learn more about this topic by reading my book “How to allow yourself strong experiences, emotions and feelings without destroying yourself and others.”
If “something went wrong” during a crisis, it will be reflected in many areas.
Psychosomatic manifestations
- physical activity will decrease;
- constant fatigue and asthenia will appear;
- eating behavior will change (from refusing to eat to consuming large amounts of food);
- possible sleep disturbances (from insomnia to constant drowsiness);
- difficulties in sexual relationships (decreased libido or unrealistic sexual fantasies);
- formation of painful symptoms (pain of unknown etiology).
Performance
- a sharp increase or decrease in performance;
- decreased adaptability to the situation (rigidity of thinking);
- lack of analysis of the situation (action according to habitual behavioral patterns).
