It would seem that long years of living together should have a beneficial effect on the couple - eliminating the possibility of an argument in principle, however, even those who have lived together for 10 years again encounter difficulties that are just as difficult to overcome as in the early stages of the relationship.
In order for the crisis of 10 years of marriage to proceed with minimal destructiveness, and its resolution would allow moving to a fundamentally new stage of the relationship, it is important for both partners to know about the peculiarities of its manifestation and ways to deal with negative circumstances.
This will allow you to quickly and productively resolve the conflict, get rid of the feeling of discomfort and return to normal life with your loved one.
Crises of family life 10 years: reasons
Psychologists believe that crises in the family occur approximately every 3-5 years.
Accordingly, in the first year, spouses get used to each other; at this stage, approximately 50% of couples break up. If the adjustment does not occur, the couple breaks off the relationship. The next crisis occurs in 3, 7, 10, 13 years and so on. It is worth noting that one of the most difficult is the crisis of 10 years of marriage. Crises of family life 10 years, reasons:
- The confluence of two crises is a crisis of family relationships, as well as middle age. Usually these two periods coincide, layer on top of each other, thereby causing severe scandals, emotional turmoil and a break in relationships.
- However, in most cases, the 10-year crisis is associated with slightly different incidents. The fact is that during this time the couple usually has children.
- In this way, the wife moves somewhat away from her husband, paying maximum attention to her child or children, if there are several of them.
Family
What you should absolutely not do
Not all attempts to cheer up a relationship are good. If you overdo it, you may, on the contrary, scare away your husband.
Don't try to hold it back by having a baby. A child is not super glue for family relationships and not a means of keeping a husband. This is a person who needs care and love. Those. he is not a source of family well-being, but a consumer of this very well-being.
If there are problems in your family, then with the birth of a child they will become even more serious. Because you will be tired and exhausted from taking care of him. And your husband will feel increased responsibility for your financial situation.
Don't take a lover just for fun. Even if your husband doesn’t know about it, your conscience can eat you up. And if he finds out, the reconciliation process will be significantly delayed and complicated.
Why does a family crisis appear after 10 years?
Often the reason for this crisis is a revision of all the values that exist in life. Usually during this period people look at what they managed to achieve at a particular age. Accordingly, many blame their family for their failure to realize their career goals. They believe that they could achieve much more if they did not have a family.
Why does a family crisis appear for 10 years:
- The man might not have had time to finish his studies and dropped out of higher education. He had to get a job in order to support his family. A woman may also have a lot of questions regarding her husband.
- The situation is the opposite, a man works a lot, earns well, but does not have enough time for his family. Accordingly, the woman makes claims because the man does not spend time with his family.
- Another reason for the crisis is the cooling of relations.
Argument
How to overcome a crisis in a relationship for 10 years?
There are several tips from psychologists that will help overcome the crisis.
How to overcome a crisis in a relationship for 10 years:
- First of all, it is necessary not to swear and make trouble, but to come to an agreement. The only correct way to improve relationships is to start talking to each other. Discuss what doesn't suit you, try to get closer, find more time to spend with each other.
- You can also go on vacation exclusively as a couple, leaving the children with their grandparents. Take yourself on a second honeymoon. Try to sort out your relationship and get enough of each other during the trip, because very often children interfere with intimacy.
- Sign up for ballroom dancing, or go to the gym together. This way you will enjoy your partner’s achievements and support you in getting in good shape.
A crisis
Change your image
When you were in your 20s, you developed your daily look. Hairstyle, makeup, clothes. Your wardrobe may not have changed significantly since then. And now you are in your 30s. Therefore, you need to think through your image taking into account your career.
This is especially true for those who have not previously found time for themselves. Perhaps you had small children or spent a lot of time at work. A crisis at home is a reason to take a short break and catch your breath. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself. Especially if the situation at home is not yet conducive to rest and relaxation.
Join a gym. To motivate yourself, invite a friend with you. You can even arrange a competition to see which of you can achieve the desired parameters faster. Remember that the most important thing is health and well-being. You need to play sports only to keep yourself in good shape, and not to achieve a body weight of 40 kg or parameters of 90-60-90. Love yourself, but keep in shape.
Also, pay close attention to your underwear. Even if no one sees it, if you know it's sexy, you will look different. People around you will notice that you have changed, you feel more confident and attractive. Let this be your secret weapon.
How to survive the crisis of 10 years of marriage: advice from a psychologist
Of course, men and women may have complaints about each other's appearance. After the birth of children, a woman’s figure may change, which upsets her husband.
How to survive the crisis of 10 years of marriage, advice from a psychologist:
- But as practice shows, a man also does not get prettier every day; he develops a beer belly.
- If you are not satisfied with the external data, they are very different from those that were originally, support your spouse in building a new body.
- Be sure to support your efforts to lose weight by going jogging early in the morning together. This will not only improve the condition of your skin and lose weight, but also be together.
Quarreling
Top 5 best gifts for spouses from guests
Guests invited to a celebration usually choose a gift for two.
- Certificate for a romantic dinner in a restaurant, an interesting excursion, parachute jumping, hot air balloon flight, etc.
- A set of exquisite bed linen.
- Household appliances that both spouses will enjoy using. For example, a set of dishes, a juicer, a grill or a coffee maker.
- Expensive collection wine, champagne, cognac. Such a gift would be good for a subsequent romantic evening, but inappropriate for a couple who does not drink alcohol.
- Money. A win-win, but you have to get creative with their packaging. Be sure to use the symbol of the wedding and the color pink for the gift.
Marriage crisis of 10 years, how to survive?
If everything is fine with the relationship, only your intimate life suffers, toys from a sex shop will help with this, variety. Try to communicate with each other a lot, go for walks.
Marriage crisis 10 years, how to survive:
- There is the opposite situation, when partners are so fed up with each other that they can no longer stand it. In this case, it is necessary that everyone in the family has their own personal space. Remember, people cannot be with each other 24 hours a day.
- That is why there is nothing wrong with the fact that a man has friends, hobbies, and no fishing. A woman can also enroll in a gym, interesting courses in makeup, or manicure.
- This will help the woman get distracted and also save money on future visits to beauty salons.
Quarreling
Crisis of family relationships 10 years: advice from a psychologist
Remember, a woman cannot live exclusively with children and family. She needs to unwind and invest her energy somewhere.
Crisis of family relationships 10 years, advice from a psychologist:
- In the same way, a man cannot live solely by work; he needs energy to be satisfied. This energy can be a family.
- Reconsider your life, if you are tired of evenings watching TV series and movies, come up with an active hobby.
- This could be jogging, walks in the nearest park, or even going to a climbing wall or skating rink to practice figure skating.
- Despite my advanced age, it is always fun and interesting.
Relationship
Crisis 10 years of marriage - advice
It is necessary to normalize sex life. Of course, if the relationship is destroyed and the partners are not interested in each other, then there can be no talk of any sex.
Crisis 10 years of marriage, advice:
- In this case, it is necessary to establish relationships with each other and build emotional intimacy.
- You can acquire some common hobby. Buy bicycles and go on a weekend bike ride together.
- Find common interests and spend time alone, without children.
Quarreling
Holiday symbols
According to the first interpretation, the decade of married life is named after the color pink, and not a flower, as many believe. Pink has long been a symbol of tenderness, similar to the relationship between husband and wife during this period of time.
There is another name for the 10th anniversary of marriage - tin. As everyone probably knows, tin, a metal, is ductile, flexible and soft, like spouses. Lovers have already learned to make compromises, find ways out of difficult situations, smooth out “corners,” adapt to each other, be softer and more flexible.
Relationship crisis: reviews
Below you can read reviews from people who have faced the crisis.
Crisis in relationships, reviews:
Olga. We faced a crisis after 10 years of marriage.
At that time we had a child. I won’t say that the relationship worsened; rather, a kind of indifference towards each other was born. Perhaps this is due to insufficient time spent together due to work or everyday problems. After all, a child requires a lot of attention and strength. A psychologist helped us figure this out. Now we spend much more time together and communicate. Veronica . My husband and I have known each other for more than 13 years, married for 10 years. Over the past couple of years, the relationship has really become cool; I think that everyday life has killed the romance, because we have two children. We try to take the children to their grandparents more often so that the two of us can relax and chat. Do not forget about intimate relationships, this is an important component of the family. Now we are trying to communicate more with each other, find time to communicate with friends, and to have hobbies. Of course, it is quite difficult to find time for yourself with two children, especially if there are not many helpers.Alexandra. I faced a crisis after 10 years of marriage. I think my husband’s constant business trips are to blame. Of course, we communicate by phone, via Skype, but this does not replace live communication. I noticed that we have cooled towards each other, I think that the relationship can be restored, but we will have to work a lot. It is precisely because of indifference and indifference that many of our familiar couples, who lived together for about 10 years, broke up. They simply became uninteresting to each other.
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