The teenage crisis is considered one of the most difficult. Problems at this age can affect the rest of your life, because this is the time when a person moves from childhood into adulthood. Moments of growing up, as a rule, pass with emotional tension, it is difficult and difficult not only for others, but also for the teenager himself.
You will learn how to survive the crisis of 13-14 years as painlessly as possible by reading this article.
What happens to teenagers?
The first cause of the teenage crisis is puberty. Physiological changes in the body affect the mental and emotional state of a teenager and cause emotional problems. Young people experience increased excitability, nervousness, irritability, and loss of strength.
A guy or girl experiences new experiences for them: sexual desire (often unconscious), interest in the opposite sex, sexual interest. Teenagers begin to feel like adults and try in every possible way to resist their parents and teachers. Adults often observe the following picture: their children in adolescence seem to deliberately begin to resist the outlined boundaries, trying to push them apart.
Children want to violate established norms and rules, which naturally causes conflict with their parents.
In a clash with adults, teenagers study themselves, their capabilities, try to assert themselves and show what they are capable of. Psychologists say that there may not be a crisis at the age of 13-14 years, but this is fraught with serious violations in the future:
- Young people will experience all the delights of the crisis at a later age (18-20 years old), and this can lead to negative consequences in later life.
- Infantilism, the position of an “adult child”, which can last for many years.
It is necessary to take into account the fact that crisis symptoms do not appear constantly; rather, these are episodic moments when a teenager wants to resist adults and their rules.
When does it start and end?
What age is a teenager? Modern science does not give a clear answer to this question. The following factors influence the scope of this period:
- the country or region in which the child lives;
- nationality and gender;
- cultural characteristics;
- social conditions.
In general, the maximum period of adolescence is the age from 10 to 19 years. Of course, not every person on the threshold of their twenties is a teenager, and not every child begins to grow up from the tenth year of life. On average, a teenager is considered a person between the ages of 12 and 17 years. However, the age at which a child is considered a teenager depends on the individual characteristics of his development.
Phases of the teenage crisis
The crisis of 13-14 years is one of the most serious and difficult stages in human development. Psychologists identify several main phases of a crisis:
- Pre-critical (negative), when a teenager begins to break stereotypes, he realizes that the rules that parents have built for many years can be broken.
- Climax. The peak, as a rule, occurs at the age of 13-14 years, but this line is very arbitrary, since the peak can occur at any age for any person.
- Postcritical. The teenager draws his own conclusions, builds new relationships, and forms his own rules.
Causes of the crisis
In addition to puberty, psychologists name several other reasons why the teenage crisis begins:
- Development of your own consciousness. The child makes increased demands on himself and others, but often they are too high. In this case, the formation of personal complexes occurs, since adolescents are not yet ready to accept full responsibility for their own actions. Because of this, children's relationships with parents, peers, and teachers may deteriorate.
- Adult supervision. 13-year-olds consider themselves adults who can make informed decisions without asking for help. In fact, this is not always possible, because teenagers still have little life experience. When adults (parents, teachers) impose any prohibitions, the teenager defiantly violates them, and often finds himself in a funny, absurd situation. Adults want the best for children, so they are angry that their opinions are not listened to, and teenagers feel that they are considered children. Hence the confrontation and open conflict.
- Self-affirmation. Children aged 13-14 years old want to prove to the whole world and themselves that they are unique, inimitable, and talented. Teenagers often develop false ideals that they strive to be like. When the realization comes that nothing is working out, harsh self-criticism begins, a feeling of powerlessness, self-criticism drops to zero.
Social development at 14 years old
It's normal for 14 year olds to stop trusting their parents. Instead, they are more likely to turn to their friends and ask their peers for advice. For many families, increased independence means a major shift in the parent-child relationship.
Fourteen-year-olds want to be accepted by their classmates. Individuality is not as important as belonging to a group.
Your teen may feel anxious if they don't feel like they fit in. This may affect his self-confidence and he may be at risk of turning to unhealthy people for support if he does not find a healthy place to be. .
Many 14 year olds show interest in romantic relationships. They may fall in love with each other or consider themselves in a relationship.
Major milestones
- Strong interest in romantic relationships
- Strives to be loved
- Has a large social circle, including friends of both sexes.
Advice for parents
Show interest in your teen's activities. Ask questions beyond “yes” or “no” to open the door to a deeper conversation. Instead of asking, “How was your day?” ask, “What was the best part of your day?” and find out your teen's opinions and interests.
Signs of a teenage crisis
For some, the teenage crisis goes unnoticed, while others experience serious problems with communication. Psychologists identify common signs of a crisis:
- conflict in relationships;
- desire to be alone;
- preference for virtual conversations;
- the teenager wants to communicate with friends, runs away from home, ignores his parents;
- emotional imbalance;
- mood swings;
- hot temper;
- desire for privacy;
- aggression;
- dissatisfaction with oneself and others;
- anxiety, increased anxiety;
- low self-esteem;
- increased demands on one’s own personality;
- deterioration in academic performance.
Psychologists call negativism the main sign of a teenage crisis. Children see everything in a negative light: everything is criticizable, adults irritate them, the world around them is painted in black tones.
Communication is important!
Also during this period, the child pays great attention to communication. It is very important for him to be accepted and not rejected. And also have friends with whom you can talk about everything. After all, at this age there are a lot of exciting topics and sensitive questions that you won’t go to your parents with.
The psychology of a teenager at this age, of course, undergoes significant changes. And if parents noticed this transition in time and were able to change tactics in their relationship with the child, then this often minimizes problematic issues. In such a situation, the teenager is in no hurry to run away from home or do something out of the ordinary. He hears his parents and can compromise.
What to do if your child is going through a teenage crisis?
Despite the fact that parents of teenagers are very worried about their children, no specific treatment will be needed. You need to turn to specialists when a teenager’s behavior gets out of control, which can affect the development of his personality in later life.
Advice from psychologists to parents of teenage children:
- Try to find compromises. Communicate more with your children to understand how and what they live with. Look for common interests, because you probably have something to talk about over a cup of tea.
- Try to stick to general family rules, such as having dinner together at a large table.
- It is important for parents to adhere to these rules, otherwise the teenager will quickly understand what can be broken.
- Discuss all important family matters with your children. Be interested in their opinion, listen to it, so that teenagers realize that their word means something.
- Don't get upset, talk calmly, be patient.
- Try to become interested in your son/daughter's hobbies. Let's say your son is into hard rock.
- Listen to the concert of your favorite artist with him, do not criticize, do not speak negatively. Respect your child's interests!
- Praise for every achievement, say that you are proud of your son/daughter’s success. No matter what, it is important for a child at any age to hear words of praise from their parents.
- Spend more time with your teenager. Forget about household chores, go shopping, sit in a cafe together, discuss the news, have a heart-to-heart talk. It is very important for children to feel the emotional and physical closeness of their parents, so take the time to spend some time together.
- Try to remain an authority figure for your child, while maintaining friendly relations. In adolescence, it is so important that parents understand and accept the position of their children.
- Ask teachers and school psychologists more often about your children’s affairs.
How to help a child develop?
Parents should be aware of current trends and interests of teenagers in order to give their child ideas for useful, fun and fashionable activities:
- Trips. Adolescence is a great time to start ecotourism. You can travel with your family or as part of a special group.
- Literary creativity. Writing poems, stories and other works is now taking on a new form: children can create them and publish them on a personal blog.
- Reading. The love for books among modern teenagers is fading, but mothers and fathers can rekindle it by offering their children interesting and exciting works.
- Dancing and sports. Many children willingly attend sections and clubs, the main thing is to choose the right direction.
- Cooking. Twelve-year-olds can be not only good helpers in the kitchen, but also almost full-fledged “owners”. Of course, parents must monitor their child’s compliance with safety precautions.
- Needlework. The stores have many kits for beading, sewing, engraving, candle making, soap making and other types of needlework. These are not only great gift ideas for a teenager, but also a convenient way to find out what kind of activity he or she likes.
Some teenagers are seriously interested in growing plants and caring for pets. These are very useful activities as they help develop responsibility, observation and relieve tension.
What parents of teenage children should not do
- conflict with children;
- impose your opinion;
- speak in this tone: “You are not yet grown up to teach me,” “Listen to us, we are adults, and you are still a child,” “You don’t understand anything,” etc.;
- indulge all the whims of your children;
- raise your voice, throw tantrums, use physical punishment;
- criticize, humiliate;
- do not devote time to the child, citing being busy;
- lock houses, turn off the Internet, so that your daughter or son does not communicate with friends;
- get into the child’s personal space (read his correspondence, diary, constantly check his phone, social networks, etc.).
What could be the consequences?
Teenagers who did not get help when they needed it may experience a lot of problems in adulthood:
- frequent emotional breakdowns;
- neuroses;
- psychological disorders;
- isolation, closedness;
- suicidal tendencies;
- craving for illicit drugs.
Parents should do everything possible to ensure that their child survives the teenage crisis with minimal losses. It will be much easier to overcome moments of crisis if parents adhere to proper upbringing from early childhood. By the age of 13-14, the child will know the basic rules, learn to adhere to them and develop communication skills. Emotional outbursts, unfortunately, cannot be avoided, but they will pass much easier if you set clear rules in advance and build friendly relationships with your children.
Read on topic: How to survive self-isolation with teenagers
Leave a comment
Physical development at 14 years old
Most 14-year-olds reach puberty by age 14. Both boys and girls begin to develop pubic and armpit hair at this point.
Most women have started menstruating and are experiencing breast development. Boys experienced enlargement of their testicles and penis. Some may experience nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) for the first time.
Their changing bodies can be a source of pride or a cause for concern. Some teens may be proud of their adult-like body, while others may be embarrassed or confused by the changes they experience.
Boys who reach puberty later are more likely to feel bad about themselves. They may have body image issues because they may compare themselves to their peers.
Girls may also have body image issues. They tend to worry about their weight and appearance.
Major milestones
- Can grow several inches in a few months, followed by a period of very slow growth
- Changes in appearance occur at different rates, which can be a cause for concern.
- Demonstrate a wide range of sexual maturity between sexes and within gender groups
Advice for parents
Your 14-year-old may be hungry almost all the time. Stock your home with healthy snacks and serve nutritious meals. Reduce body image issues by talking about health rather than weight.
