Methodology for an effective apology: advice from a psychologist on how to properly ask for forgiveness

We sometimes just don't realize the power of words and their impact on the people (friend, family member, colleague) we speak to. In the process of anger they have great power. This is worth remembering. After all, sometimes one accidentally thrown word hurts a loved one very much. Therefore, it is extremely important to know how to apologize properly after you have hurt someone with your words. Sometimes we just don't understand how to do it. And this is precisely what becomes our fatal mistake, which will then be completely impossible to correct.

Next, we will tell you step by step how to act correctly, what to say and what not to say in order to ask for forgiveness from a person. The information comes from a recent study published in the US Clinical Journal of Pain and advice from health experts who detailed the study in an article published in The New York Times.

What to do before apologizing

First, assess the degree of harm. Be open and take responsibility for hurting someone. Don't try to blame the person who felt victimized. If you are unclear, then do not say: “Why are you so stupid?” It’s better to say this: “help me understand what I said so that I can correct the situation?”

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Don't be victims! Be more realistic and don't blame yourself for saying something inappropriate. Don't start saying, “I can't believe I said that. I'm a terrible person." Or this: “I’m ashamed, but I can improve the situation. We all make mistakes."

How to apologize correctly in different situations?

Now let's move on to the psychological component of such a process as an apology. There are a lot of situations when you may need to apologize. If you accidentally brush someone's shoulder in a crowd, just say “sorry.”

But if you are late for work, a lecture, a date, a meeting, or, God forbid, you forgot to congratulate your wife on her birthday, you will have to give more detailed explanations. The format of the apology will depend on who you are apologizing to, and on who you are and the extent of your guilt. Let's look at the most popular recommendations.

How to properly apologize to a girl

The question “how to properly apologize to a girl” is a burning question for anyone who is currently dating a girl. Often girls are offended at first, and then figure out why. In this case, there is no need to rack your brains looking for logic where there is none. The girl needs attention, and you should apologize simply for not understanding this quickly enough to react.

It also happens that you actually said or did something unnecessary, but due to the fact that men are less sensitive than women, you still won’t understand what’s wrong. This does not exempt you from apologizing and the need to master a format of behavior that is acceptable to your girlfriend. If, from your point of view, a girl wants too much, you can look for another girl. But first, still apologize!

How to apologize? Experts from the GoPsy portal, which specializes in psychology and relationships between people, have prepared tips on this topic for you [GoPsy, 2020]. So guys, apologize properly :

Calm down and take control of your words, emotions, intonations.
Be specific and clearly say, “I’d like to talk to you.”
Be specific and ask what's wrong if you don't understand what it is.
Admit guilt immediately if your guilt is obvious.
If your guilt is not obvious, admit it too, since you are about to apologize.
Refrain from phrases like “you, of course, forgive me, but, in fact, I am not to blame for anything.” This will invalidate your apology.
Add a “guilty” note to your voice and explain that you had no intention of offending anyone.
Say that you understand what your fault is and promise not to act like that in the future.
Smile and hug the girl if she doesn't mind.
Don't try to initiate sex immediately after apologizing. This will vulgarize the moment and make the girl suspect you of insincerity.

If they don’t want to not only hug you, but even talk to you, be sure to give the girl time to calm down. For example, say you'll wait until she's ready to talk. Often this phrase is enough to get things moving.

If things don't move forward for long enough, you can try to apologize in writing. For example, a message by email or instant messenger, a note on the table or mirror if you live together, a postcard included in a bouquet of flowers sent by courier if you are not yet running a joint household.

What should be in an apology letter:

Tender beautiful address: “my dear”, “my beloved”, “the best in the world”.
The clear purpose of the letter: “I don’t know how to contact you to ask for forgiveness.”
An indication of awareness of one’s wrongness: “I realized that I was wrong.”
Explanation of the motives for the action: “I thought it would be good”, “I didn’t quite understand how best to act, because I don’t understand such situations well.”
Actually a request for forgiveness: “forgive me, please.”
Assurances about how dear your relationship is to you: “I don’t want to lose you.”
Romantic caption: “a man who will always love you”, “hopelessly in love with a charming girl.”

If desired, an apology to the girl can be supported by a gift or present: a soft toy, flowers, sweets, chocolate.

How to apologize if you have already entered into a legal marriage? Pretty much the same way, only more expensive. So, if the husband “went to visit a classmate for school, and then returned and bought a fur coat,” then, as poetess Sola Monova aptly noted: “Of course, I still feel pain, but I still wear a fur coat.” The full version of the poem and price list for various situations requiring an apology can be seen on Sola Monova YouTube channel

Let’s clarify, just in case, that the poem is comic, and gifts are meant within the limits of your family’s budget. One way or another, some kind of material reinforcement of your intentions increases the chances of reconciliation. In general, men, apologize correctly. As they say, “the prank with the dancer is forever in the past, but the car is fine, it drives”!

How to properly apologize to a man

Girls can also do something wrong, and then the problem arises of how to properly apologize to a guy, husband, or close friend. The first thing that comes to mind is to turn on your feminine charms. This is correct, and in order for the spell to work accurately, you must follow a few simple rules [M. Potashev, 2014]. So, girls, apologize correctly :

Be specific and directly say that you are very sorry and worried about what happened. As a rule, men are more straightforward, and you won’t have to guess the reasons for his dissatisfaction.
If the situation is not obvious, ask your boyfriend or husband what exactly he is dissatisfied with. You can express regret that you are not a telepath and will not guess from his silence what happened.
In any case, don’t be annoying and “don’t throw yourself on a man’s neck.” If he wants to take a break and doesn't want to communicate right now, give him this opportunity.
Don't try to shift the blame onto a man if your guilt is obvious. If it’s not obvious, don’t try either, since you’ve decided to apologize.
Tell your man how much you care about him and how much you value your relationship.
Touch it, rub a tie or button, “blow away” an invisible speck of dust.
Give your man a romantic dinner or bake his favorite cake.

In any case, remember that a man can also be vulnerable and worry about his offense for a long time. Don’t be indignant if you haven’t received forgiveness immediately, don’t make a fuss and refrain from saying things like “Oh, well, well, no need, who needs you.”

In especially difficult cases, when a man’s pride is violated (for example, because of your betrayal), be laconic and simply say that you understand his condition and want to know what you should do to regain trust. In any case, when apologizing, don’t make excuses. Limit yourself to indicating the reasons for what happened, if, in principle, there is some reasonable explanation for this.

How to apologize correctly: general principles

In general, any apology is subject to the principles described above: admit your guilt; say that you regret what happened and undertake not to act like this in the future; Be sure to emphasize how dear your relationship with a person is to you, be it personal, family, work or partner. The main thing is that the apology is sincere and comes from the heart.

If a situation that requires you to apologize happened at work, be sure to make every effort to correct it. If you are not the only one to blame, still do not place all the blame on others. After all, you might not have been given all the resources you needed to complete a task solely because you didn't ask hard enough for it.

If you feel guilty towards your parents for something, do not put off apologizing until later, because then it may be hopelessly late. Unlike other people, parents are ready to accept their children with all their shortcomings. You can find specific recommendations and examples from life in the material prepared by coach Larisa Skrizhal, who specializes in relationships between parents and children [L. Tablet, 2021].

And, since we started our material with examples from literature, let us remember one more, namely “Anecdote from a Child’s Life”, which Fyodor Dostoevsky (1821-1881) described in his “Diary”. According to the plot, the girl decided to apologize to her mother for bad grades at school, and since she was really ashamed, she decided not to show her face to her mother anymore, so she left home, leaving a note with the following content: “Dear mom, I’ve been here all week she was a very bad girl. I got three zeros and I was deceiving you. I am ashamed to return to you, and I will not return to you again. Goodbye, dear mommy, forgive me, your Sasha” [F. Dostoevsky, 1994].

According to the story, the girl, unable to find an acceptable overnight stay in winter St. Petersburg, returned home that same evening, although later than usual. Which, in fact, made it possible to classify the situation as an anecdote, despite the mother’s experiences. But, in fact, this is an example of what not to do, because such “apologies” will cause parents much more worry than even the worst grades at school.

By the way, there are many examples of incorrect apologies in adult life. In particular, a special material is dedicated to them Apologies can be tricky, but combining a dose of gratitude with a gesture that costs you something can help smooth ruffled feelings (“Apologies can be difficult, but combining a dose of gratitude with a gesture that costs you something , can help smooth out agitated feelings") in the BBC publication [A. Cohen, 2020].

The essence of the article is partly clear from the title, but it seems appropriate to talk about it in more detail. So that the apology appears sincere, the author recommends backing it up with actions, even if these actions cause inconvenience to the apologetic person.

If you have offended your child by not taking him to a water park even though you promised, even if it was for a good reason, you should offer reasonable compensation. For example, put off everything until the next weekend and still go to a water park or amusement park for rides if the water park, for example, has already closed.

Additionally, your apology should restore the person's self-respect. If you offend a person or offend his feelings, even by accident, this temporarily reduces his self-esteem, confidence in his own abilities and the appropriateness of his actions.

For example, if you made an appointment with a client at a certain time, but you yourself were late, be sure to thank them for their patience and for the fact that the person waited for you, and only then apologize. Such gratitude will confirm that the person was absolutely right to wait for you, despite being late, and this meeting is extremely important to you.

Finally, another point worth discussing is how appropriate is humor in an apology? There are no uniform recommendations here and cannot be. It all depends on the context of the situation and how developed the sense of humor is of the person to whom the apology is made.

Thus, one balloon delivery company advises you to tie yourself with a ribbon and come to your loved one to apologize with balloons in your hands [Charlotte, 2020]. Alternatively, you can also ask in a pitying voice, “Well, don’t sulk, otherwise you’ll burst.” It’s difficult to say whether such an apology will suit everyone, but if other options have been exhausted, you can try.

They use humor for apologies in business too. Thus, in 2022, the world media ignored the apology that KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) made to customers for interruptions in the restaurant chain’s signature dish – chicken. As an explanation, company representatives wrote on social networks that “the chicken crossed the road, but did not enter our restaurant,” and also changed the letters in their name so that the inscription was associated with the well-known curse word FCK [BBC, 2018]. As we all know, the company managed to overcome the crisis and continue operating.

And finally, it’s worth talking about situations where they try to make you feel guilty, but, in fact, you have nothing to apologize for.

What is the right thing to do when apologizing? Options for various techniques

Take responsibility. Avoid excuses like “I didn’t mean that” or “why were you offended, it was a joke.” Research says that when we are honest, we can avoid depression and anxiety. Saying something like, “I'm ashamed that I said that,” or “I'm sad that I hurt you,” can ease some of the person's distress in this situation. Be gentle with people.

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Feel the other person's pain. You need to choose the right time to apologize. So as not to make things worse with your words. Start apologizing after the person is ready.

It is also useless to argue about who has the correct version. After all, each of you will remain with your own opinion. You can say this: “The words I said were not pleasant, and I understand why you upset me.” Then you can move directly to the words of apology.

Be sincere during the apology process! Be sure that the justification comes from the heart. Avoid ready-made phrases like “forgive me if it hurts you.” This expression may seem too superficial to be heard. Don't send messages or emails at first. Body and facial language and tone of voice are lost in writing. Always prefer to apologize in person. If this is not possible, then just call.

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How to properly ask a man for forgiveness

Let's debunk the myth that men are offended less often than women. Men are just as touchy as women, but they hide their feelings more. If a woman ignores and avoids the offender, then the man is more prone to aggression and barbs.

How to ask your husband for forgiveness

Another myth is that men do not like tenderness and affection. If you have seriously offended your man, the first thing to do is:

Hug him or take his hand.
Be silent for a while and let him speak first.
Listen carefully.
Admit out loud that you are wrong.
Ask what you can do to make amends and sincerely repent.
Look him straight in the eye. Don't hide your eyes, this will show the sincerity of your intentions.

How to ask your husband for forgiveness for cheating

Forgiving adultery is very difficult. A big role is played by what you understand by the concept of betrayal: a walk with a friend, a profile on a dating site, or a relationship with another partner on the side. It is harder for a man to forgive betrayal than for a woman. Stereotypes about polygamy of males and monogamy of females played a role. If you have already cheated on your loved one, you did it on purpose. You knew he would be in unbearable pain. Is this relationship worth holding on to?

You won't repeat what you did again!

Explain that you realized everything and drew conclusions, so you won’t do that again. Sharing with the victim what you learned from the situation will provide more confidence that the mistake will not be repeated. For example, in the workplace, if you mispronounce a co-worker's name, don't make excuses and say, "That's a difficult name I've never heard before." Experts recommend saying, “I'm sorry about that. I'm glad you corrected me and I will try not to repeat the mistake."

How to ask a woman for forgiveness

Girls value actions more than words. Come up with a romantic and original way to apologize:

send a paper letter;
stitch together photos of your best moments;
draw a picture that shows her best qualities.

You don't need a lot of money. Attention and sincerity are important.

How to ask your mother for forgiveness

It’s difficult to offend your mother, but asking for forgiveness is easy. Visit her if you live separately. Help with home renovations. If you have been asked for help for a long time, now is the time.

How to ask for forgiveness from the woman you love

If a woman loves you, she will forgive almost any wrongdoing. It is important to show not only remorse, but also that you have changed. Analyze the cause of the offense. If you paid too little attention to her, this is a reason to go on a date. Even if you've been married for 20 years, diversify your relationship. Walk through the city at night together. Come up with something original.

What you can’t do to make a woman forgive:

apologize via SMS or social network;
say the phrase “I have already apologized 1000 times;
insist on communication.

Remember, it takes time to forgive a person. Never insist that you be excused immediately. A little patience and everything will work out!

What to do after an apology

Reconnect. Don't ask yourself "what will it look like now," but start talking about something where you can both develop a healthy conversation. Remove your fears and invest your energy in a heartfelt conversation after the apology. After some time, everyone will understand that it is time to let go of the unpleasant situation.

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Give the person time to accept what happened. If, even after the apology process, you realize that the person is still offended, respect their time. You can do your best, be sincere and apologize from the bottom of your heart, but you can't force someone to accept your apology quickly. Sometimes words cause irreparable damage.

Experts say that if you don't say a sincere apology, it means you really don't care and don't need it. However, try to put yourself in the shoes of others and understand their pain. Not only will you be a more considerate friend or colleague, but you'll also be more likely to make the other person feel heard, protected, safe and respected.

When you don't need to apologize

So, what are these situations when they try to make you guilty, but, in fact, you have nothing to apologize for? Many people encounter such manifestations of attempts at manipulation, ranging from parental expectations of good grades at school, to the fact that the situation in the country is difficult, and your company is organizing a luxurious corporate event for employees instead of helping sick children.

This is not about not striving for knowledge in school or helping sick children. The point is that only you have the right to decide how to manage your money after paying all debts and taxes, that everyone has different talents and abilities, and many other things that are described in detail in the article “10 Things Why you should never apologize” [A. Ilyashenko, 2021]. Some experts highlight “15 things you don’t need to apologize for” [M. Yost, 2018]. Some points are repeated or are variations of previously mentioned ones, so let’s summarize and highlight the most important points.

Top 12 cases when an apology is inappropriate:

For ignorance of something: only everyone can know everything. If any knowledge is needed for your job, simply promise to fill the gap. If you haven’t been to some fashion exhibition, party, premiere or haven’t heard the latest gossip, this is generally your own business.
For your appearance: what it is is what it is, even if you could lose extra pounds or change your hairstyle. The main thing is that you personally feel comfortable in your body and that you are healthy.
For marital status: it is entirely your business when you start a family and children and whether to start a family and children in principle.
For sexual orientation: it is no one’s business with whom people who have reached the age of majority build relationships.
For opinion: every person has the right to his own opinion, even if it does not coincide with the opinions of others.
For emotions: a person has the right to his emotions, even if they are not shared by others. Of course, we are not talking about hitting or insulting someone in a fit of anger.
For asking for help: If you need help, simply ask for it from someone who can potentially help you.
For self-care: every person needs rest, personal space and free time that can be devoted exclusively to themselves.
For other people's expectations: you are not obliged to meet either other people's desires or the stereotypes imposed by society.
For other people: you can only be responsible for yourself and your actions. All other capable adults must be responsible for themselves.
For success: it is in no way your fault that you do something better than others.
For your dream: you have every right to dream of becoming an actor, singer, dancer, astronaut, and, as recent events and space flights of the richest people on the planet have shown, at any age.

By the way, your dream doesn’t have to be some kind of great. It is enough for the dream to be yours. In 2013, news releases covered a story about a resident of Ivano-Frankivsk, Anna Kharandyuk , who at the age of 63 became... a DJ, although before that she had worked as an accountant all her life:

To say that those around her, to put it mildly, did not expect this from her, is clearly unnecessary. Why did we remember this? Besides, you will never please everyone, and there is no need to do so.

Be yourself, go for your dreams and only apologize when it is truly appropriate. You already know how to do this. Please also know that we are always happy to see you on our programs “Best Communication Techniques”, “Building Relationships” and any others that you personally like. And, as always, we ask you to answer the question on the topic of the article:

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Keywords:1Communications, 1Relationships

Choose the right time and place!

If the time and place for an apology are chosen poorly, then all your efforts will fall to dust. No one should interfere with your conversation. And your friend should definitely watch your video. Or read the letter. As for the second, you can simply “force” him to watch a video or read a letter when he comes to your friend’s house. This choice has its advantages. You will see your friend's reaction to the video or letter. If you decide to make do with a conversation, then call a friend somewhere or come to his house.

What do you need to apologize for?

Also, an extremely important question concerns the reason that prompted a person to take this step. Which of them are peremptory and always entail an apology?

Serious betrayal of any nature.
You should apologize if the offender seriously hurt your friend with a word or deed.
Also, words of guilt would be appropriate if, due to the actions of the offender, the property or financial situation of a friend was damaged.
Apologies are always made after fights.
It is also necessary to apologize if the offender let a friend down.

Anyone can mess up or offend, but only a morally strong person can apologize for it, and even sincerely. Next, we will look at the most effective ways to admit your own guilt.

What makes it difficult to apologize

The ability to admit that you are not always right is a trait that is not inherent in all people. Sometimes it is difficult to ask for forgiveness, because a person considers it a sign of weakness of character and does not want to adapt to others. Before looking for an answer to the question of how to apologize correctly, it is worth familiarizing yourself with the reasons for the inability to ask for forgiveness.

Even if a person feels that he is truly to blame for the current situation, it can be difficult to admit it. And the reason for this is often simple stubbornness. He defended his point of view for so long that when he turned out to be wrong, it was too late to look for ways to retreat. In such a situation, it is worth recognizing the fact that you cannot understand absolutely everything and have the right to make mistakes sometimes, just like other people.

Another common behavior pattern is deliberately ignoring one's own wrong. People convince themselves that there is nothing scary in the situation, thereby suppressing the unpleasant feeling of guilt. After all, apologizing to a person, as well as admitting the idea that they themselves are not ideal, for such individuals is comparable to giving up their opinion and showing weakness.

Discount the victim's feelings

“Sorry for breaking your favorite mug. But this is for luck! And in general she was old.”

An incident that means nothing to one person can be a tragedy to another. And you need to ask for forgiveness in proportion to the damage caused.

The abuser may feel that he is helping the victim to worry less by reducing the scale of the problem. But it works the same way as recommending “just don’t worry” to a person who is worried—no way.

How to apologize

Depending on the situation, different media are used to ask for forgiveness.
To choose a method of apology, one starts from the reasons.

If required by assignment or requirements, then you need to apologize at the very beginning of the request. A phone call or email is suitable for this purpose.
If a misunderstanding occurred during personal communication, you can apologize after a while by meeting face to face with the person again or sending him an SMS message.
If certain requirements are delayed or not met, it is worth sending a business letter.

Trying to hush up the conflict

"Sorry, and let's forget about it."

Apologies don't work like the neutralizer from Men in Black. They do not erase the offense and its consequences. It’s one thing when a victim’s foot is stepped on—it’s usually easy to forget about it. And when the offender stepped on his foot and broke it before an important sporting competition, this incident will probably come to mind more than once.

And that's okay. One person messed up quite a bit, although he didn’t do it on purpose (I’d like to think so). And the second one can experience a whole range of feelings, periodically slipping into anger and despair. So we need to give him time to accept the situation.

Focus on the victim's reaction

“I’m sorry that you were upset because of my words...”

And again the unwillingness to take responsibility. There is no regret or sympathy on the part of the offender. But there is an attempt to shift the focus to the reaction of the one to whom he is apologizing. It looks very generous: they say, I didn’t do anything special, but since you’re so sensitive and upset, then so be it, I’ll ask for forgiveness.

Human emotions are a reaction to words or actions. They may seem excessive to the offender, but the victim is already experiencing these feelings, and they must be taken into account.

Find the right words to ask for forgiveness

Based on the situation and the reason for your quarrel, choose your words before apologizing to your friend. You may have hurt his feelings about his choice of something or someone. Most likely, in this case, you will have to squeeze out “forgive me, I was wrong.” It is important to show that now you treat his choice differently. The phrase “forgive me, I was wrong” sets you up for the continuation of your relationship in the same state in which it was before your quarrel. There are times when we still disagree with the choices or actions of our friends, but despite this, we still want to make peace with them and continue communicating. In this case, you should not push your opinion far away, keep silent, just to continue to build a good relationship with your friend. “Forgive me, I was wrong” is not the only way to make a situation better. Let's look at them further...

Psychologist's advice

Experts note that apologies will have an effect faster if a person presses on a shared past. You can come to a meeting in a dress that a friend gave to the girl. As mentioned above, it is better to schedule a meeting in a familiar and familiar place.

It is also very important to behave frankly, to say only those words that your friend wants to hear. If the quarrel was trivial, you can reduce it all to a joke. However, if a person has really done something wrong, he must speak extremely seriously in order to touch his friend.

In the event of a serious quarrel, you should not put pressure on your friend. It is unlikely that he will be able to forgive you right away, but over time, awareness of the strength of the spiritual connection will certainly come, and the conflict will be forgotten.

Peaceful, open and heart-to-heart conversation

In the case when you do not want to leave your point of view in the past, but are still looking for a way to apologize to your friend, then simply invite your friend to talk. Without any squabbles, disputes or, God forbid, insults. The best way to start a conversation is with an explanation. Say what you want to convey and the purpose of this conversation. Lay everything out on the shelves. Remember the main reason for the quarrel, and further squabbles arising from it. But do it without aggression, don’t prove anything, just remember what happened. If all these points went well, then move on to the next...

About guilt

It’s worth saying right away that many people, at the moment of apology, are driven by a feeling of guilt. I want to justify myself to my friend for my wrongdoings, to change what I did. Of course, there is nothing wrong with such an impulse. Moreover, psychologists say that people who have a special tendency to awaken feelings of guilt turn out to be kinder and more loyal in life.

However, the guilty person must repent sincerely, while realizing what exactly his mistake was. If this does not happen, the friend will definitely sense the catch and the long-awaited reconciliation will not take place.

Show that you are upset

Another surefire way to achieve forgiveness is to show your sadness. Girls, who can cry if necessary, use this especially skillfully. It is very important not to go too far here. Still, if a girl starts crying over a trivial quarrel, she will look ridiculous, and her apology will be insincere.

You can show your sadness using social networks, for example, by posting a photo with a friend. You can also tell them in person how the life of the offender has changed in a negative way without a friend. All this will help you find a common language faster.

When is a business apology required?

It is necessary to ask for forgiveness from colleagues, superiors or business partners if:

there was a delay;
certain requirements are not met;
the work is not done according to the model;
there was a misunderstanding or an unpleasant scene;
there was a misunderstanding between people;
the person wants the requirements or tasks explained again.

Without apology in communication, hostility will arise, as the individual may be considered arrogant.

Why might you not be taken seriously or sincerely and reject your apology?

You are not serious

To ensure that your apology is taken seriously, it is better to choose the right environment for it. If you mutter, “So, are we friends again?” while bursting into laughter at a party, your words are unlikely to be taken seriously. It’s better to choose a place where you can explain yourself in a quiet environment, showing your feelings.

You are insincere

If you do not admit your guilt, your words will sound insincere. The opponent will treat them with distrust. He will think that you have no intention of apologizing and will only become angrier. An effective apology must address the feelings and needs of the offended person.

You are not sure of your words

You don’t understand your mistake, but you are trying to somehow improve the relationship. Most often it looks like this: “Forgive me, but I don’t know what I did.” The use of words such as “but” and “if” makes the addressee take them lightly.

Wrong time

An apology won't work if you shout out that you're sorry during an argument. You won't be heard or taken seriously if you're still arguing. This is because when a person experiences negativity, they will not listen to you. Therefore, it is better for you to wait until you both calm down.

Forgiveness via SMS

You are unlikely to be received sincerely if you apologize via SMS. If you meet in person, you are more likely to be forgiven. This way you can convey your feelings not only through words, but also through facial expressions and gestures.

Advice from a psychologist on how to properly ask for forgiveness and make peace with loved ones.

If you say too much...

Photo by Anna Tarazevich: Pexels
We want to dedicate our hint material to someone who inflicted an offense unwittingly, without calculating the possible consequences, followed the lead of his long tongue, decided that he could act as a Prophet, tear to smithereens what dear to another person with one careless mockery.

She blurted out a secret from her heart, thoughtlessly betrayed her, betrayed her principles for the sake of momentary pleasure, trampled trust, said a lot of nasty things, made a laughing stock of those around her and retreated with a satisfied look. Serious grievances of this nature have destructive weapons in their hands.

The offender and the offended become victims of insidious reflection, find themselves in the tenacious clutches of anxiety, turn into irritated individuals, and then the path to frustration is not long.

Remember how in your life you have already offended someone, and then suffered painfully, not finding a place for yourself. Mentally replay what happened in your head. Look for ways to get out of the current situation. Who was sicker and harder? We are sure that, at the very least, both sides experienced this moment bitterly and then had difficulty reconciling it.

So let's learn how to neutralize the consequences of a situation in which you did not look your best and which you ardently, passionately regret, dreaming of only one thing: to rush off in a time machine back to the time when you had not yet managed to commit this wild, your own mistake.

We won’t beat around the bush and stir up your impatience any longer. We think that you yourself have already regretted a thousand times that you stumbled like that. Now is the time to discuss how to gently and wisely change negative consequences into positive trends towards reconciliation.

What to do if you were wrong at work

If it is a career or related matter where there has been a misunderstanding, you will have to apologize to the client. Every person who wants to succeed in life should know how to react correctly in such a situation. When you apologize, be restrained, but not dismissive, as the person may assume you are doing it just to get a deal. Don't limit yourself to admitting the mistake, but offer various options for correcting it as quickly as possible.

Analyze the situation

Now stop and think about what happened just now. Remember what offensive words you said to your friend in the heat of a quarrel. You can’t figure out how to apologize to a friend if you’ve seriously offended him, when you can’t remember exactly how you offended him before. And in general, it’s worth making sure whether you need to apologize... There are situations when both are to blame. Accordingly, you both will have to forgive each other. The only question is who will take that all-important first step. But judging by the fact that you are still reading this article, you are wondering how to apologize to a friend. This means that you have already decided to take the first step. Before you make a plan for how to apologize to your friend, it is worth remembering the entire quarrel from the very beginning. Often people remember many unpleasant things that were already mentioned during a quarrel, but friends may forget about the very reason for it. If you managed to remember the reason for the quarrel, do not think that you should only apologize for this... This is your friend. You know better than anyone what might hurt your friend. If you were upset with him, then, most likely, you pressed on weak points without even realizing it.