Soothing words: examples, tips on how to choose the right words

• October 8, 2018
• Psychology of communication
• Bogdana Sisyuk

Words that calm a person are not only a manifestation of compassion, but thanks to them you show your own involvement in the problems, troubles and grief of another. Of course, there are no typical phrases that will be correct in certain conditions, suitable for a man or a lady, a grandmother or a young man. It is very important that the phrases come from the heart and are permeated with your emotions, however, you also do not need to forget about certain human factors. For example, be prepared that a person who is excited about something may react differently to words than usual, be more irritable, not make compromises, etc. What words to calm a person down and how to do this are described below.

Listening to the problem

The most important thing is to be sure to give the person the opportunity to speak out. There is no need to be afraid of the stream of “outpourings of soul” and to plunge into panic: not a single person will demand violent intervention and an immediate solution to absolutely all difficulties. It is also better to postpone questions, recommendations and accumulated wisdom for later: at this stage, a person only needs to understand that he is not alone, that he is heard, and openly sympathized with him. Listening does not mean standing still and remaining silent until the end of the monologue. Such actions rather smack of indifference. Words that soothe the soul: certainly, of course; expressions of support (“I understand you, I support you”). Sometimes you should repeat “hackneyed” phrases or words - all this will demonstrate that the support is not feigned, but comes from the heart. At the same time, this will help both of them concentrate on their own thoughts.

Popular ways to calm down and calm down

1. For older children and adults: Write down your problems on a piece of paper and tear it up.
2. For little ones: help express their feelings. For example, you can download a graph of emotions and work with it.
3. Teaching your child problem solving skills. You can use the Stop/Think/Do . Stop when emotions overwhelm you. Think about what alternatives there are to solve the problem. Implement the chosen strategy.
4. Count until you feel relaxed.
5. Keep a journal to record your feelings. The diary helps:

• believe in yourself,
• get rid of uncertainty,
• express emotions
• realize mistakes
• see your progress.

Gesture

There is a simple combination of gestures to help sympathizers. An open body position (without crossing arms), a slightly lowered head (preferably at the same level as the head of the person to be listened to), supportive nods, a benevolent grunt in the rhythm of the conversation and open palms are intuitively perceived as a sign of attentiveness and interest. If we are talking about a loved one with whom it is customary to maintain physical contact, relaxing touches and stroking will not hurt. If the person talking is hysterical, and this often happens, then the only way to calm him down is to squeeze him tightly in your arms. This means: I am always there, I understand you, I will protect you. It is preferable not to do the following experiments with almost strangers regarding physical contact:

• firstly, you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation;
• secondly, such actions can repel a person who is not close enough.

In addition, you need to act very carefully if in front of you is someone who has suffered from physical violence.

You can also use soothing music for the soul without words (Enigma, classics, melodic compositions, or even just sounds of nature on audio). The main thing is to choose the right playlist.

Words of support for a loved one

The other half must constantly feel the support of a loved one, since everyone is a support for each other in a difficult situation, a vest in misfortune and a person with whom they share success. It is definitely necessary to speak out one more time about your own feelings, repeating that it is easier to cope with all sorts of problems together. Be sure to express your own feelings: “How painful it is to watch you upset,” “I worry too, just like you.” Such phrases bring people together, make the conversation sincere and create a trusting atmosphere. And even if you are unable to choose the necessary words or know that chatter is currently unnecessary, just stay close. In some cases, no words can replace the presence of a loved one.

Words to a man in difficult times

Representatives of the stronger sex react much more sharply to everyday troubles, believing that the responsibility lies entirely with them; after all, they are raised this way from an early age. However, in reality there are situations where the male is not to blame for what happened, but he continues to reproach himself. In this case, it is necessary as gently as possible, not urgently and not at all hostile, to assure the man that he should not blame himself. The following words are suitable: “This case is not your fault at all,” “This is a coincidence of factors independent of you,” etc. It is important to help a man stop being carried away by self-flagellation, and start looking for a solution to the problem. Under no circumstances should you express your own sympathy using the adjectives “poor”, “unfortunate”, or express pity. On the contrary, it is necessary to encourage a man with phrases that he is strong, that his energy is enough to cope with more difficult tasks. Even if we say that the representative of the stronger sex is incredibly wise and will find a way out of this mess, his ambitions will not allow him to remain with a sad face and be inactive. In order to prove the words spoken to him, the man will be active and strong.

Breathing exercises for children

Breathing exercises help control excessive physiological arousal.

Here are some examples of exercises that help children master deep breathing (most exercises are also used in speech therapy practice, that is, they are also useful for speech development):

1. Pretend you smell the flower.
2. Pretend to take the candle away so it doesn't go out.
3. Blow on the turntable.
4. Blow on the napkin (piece of napkin) on the table to make it move.
5. Blow bubbles (homemade soap bubble recipes).
6. Blow out the candle.
7. Deep breathing while the adult counts to 10.
8. Alternate nostril breathing is a yoga breathing technique exercise. Place your thumb on your right nostril and your index finger on your left nostril. Hold the right nostril with your thumb and inhale slowly through the left. Exhale through the right nostril, closing the left. Hold your breath for a couple of seconds and inhale through your right nostril, leaving your left nostril closed. Continue alternating sides.
9. Belly breathing (breathing through the diaphragm).

For a woman - support in your own words

The girl, on the contrary, needs to be calmed down first, and then probably there will be no need to find a solution to the difficulties, everything will probably go away on its own with “hysteria.” Finding words of help is very important in such a situation. For example, if the root cause of a disgusting mood is a break with a loved one, then you need to compliment her on her good appearance, tell her that she is an excellent housewife and is still quite young. It’s good when the environment allows you to get distracted and do other things - hiking, having fun with friends, cooking - all this can tear a girl away from sad thoughts.

Exercises for concentrating in children

1. Body Scanning Meditation – This meditation technique involves systematically and intentionally moving our attention through our body, paying attention to different sensations in different parts of it.
2. Developmental tasks for the child's attention. Used to prevent children's tantrums when you see that the child is overexcited.

• memory,
• dotted outlines,
• logical tasks: Sudoku, mazes,
• find the assignments and show them.

Words in difficult times for the fair half of humanity

There are many ways to calm a girl down with words at a distance. And the first thing is to write SMS or call. Young girls in tense situations can act very unreasonably. For this reason, the main thing is not only to calm and distract them from the difficulty, but also to isolate them as much as possible from business and assignments. You need to try to immerse the young lady in an ocean of positive feelings, but it is important to avoid ordinary phrases: “Everything is fine,” “Everything will end,” “I sympathize,” etc. They will only worsen the situation. You definitely need to try to talk with the girl about how she feels, help release all her negative feelings, and only then help her find a way out of a difficult problem for her. This is the only way to find soothing words for a girl.

How to calm down a drunk and aggressive person from a distance

A common phenomenon is when, after drinking alcohol, a person turns into a dissatisfied and aggressive boor. Such people deliberately provoke scandals or fights, clinging to trifles, which leads to irreparable consequences.

In what ways can you calm down a drunk and aggressive person who is in an excited state? - use methods as for hysteria:

• listening and reassuring;
• control of your own calm behavior;
• conduct a quiet business conversation that instills confidence;
• speak in neutral phrases that will not provoke a new outbreak of anger and irritation;
• agree as with a small child, but do not indulge;
• distract by talking on another topic;
• effective, but dangerous - offering a drink.

In case of strong anger and aggression, you will have to call an ambulance or even the police to save the life and health of the drunken person and the people around him. You just need to do this carefully, distracting the intruder.

What you should not allow when interacting with an aggressive drunkard is to speak his language, breaking into shouts and threats. You cannot maintain an argument, show anger and irritability, so as not to anger him even more.

At the same time, make sure that your own behavior does not remain demonstratively indifferent. Showing your own fear and weakness even more.

It is undesirable for an aggressive drinker to be left alone, so distance will do little to calm him down - it’s better to come. Also, you should not give him sedatives, so as not to cause loss of consciousness and cardiac arrest. Remember that secretly adding drugs to drinks or food is considered a violation of the Law!

To a friend who found herself in a difficult situation

Who, if not her best friend, will a young girl turn to in a difficult situation? Of course, it is initially necessary to listen to your friend, especially if you know that she wants to speak out. Expressing the problem will relieve the soul and can help you look at the problem from a different perspective. Phrases of consolation, advice are what a young girl will obviously want to hear, for this reason there is no need to be embarrassed to interpret your own constructive thought, it is only important to remember that in this situation it is necessary to communicate your own position delicately and not persistently.

Changing activities is an effective way

1. Turn on the TV . Children's program. Of course, if the TV or something similar was not the cause of the child’s hysteria, which must be extinguished.
2. Board games.
3. Computer games.
4. Book reading . Especially reading a book with your parents.
5. Playing with plasticine . For example, you can make monster faces out of plasticine.
6. Drawing , coloring.
7. Audio stories or songs.
8. Loud singing to relieve stress.
9. Playing with toys.
10. Warm bath .
11. Snack . True, food should not be abused as a way of distraction. “Don’t cry, eat some candy” reinforces sweets in the brain as a way to overcome a stressful situation.
12. Drink a glass of water .

Expressions that should not be used

There are several common phrases that initially come to mind if you need to support someone. It is preferable not to use these phrases:

• Don't worry!

When a person experiences failure or misfortune, he has reason to worry about it. He is unable to immediately stop thinking about his dilemma. He needs to feel it, focus on his thoughts, share his pain, fear, disappointment with someone. For this reason, the saying “Don’t worry!” sounds like “I don’t care what happened to you!”

• Everything will be settled! Everything will get better!

At a time when the world has collapsed, this sounds like a joke. A person is faced with the fact that he has no idea how to solve his own problem. He needs to think about how to normalize everything. He doubts that the situation will turn out to be beneficial for him, and he will be able to stay afloat. So, how can an empty statement that everything will be sorted out help? Such phrases sound even more mocking when a friend has lost a loved one.

• Do not Cry!

Tears are the body's natural way of coping with stress. It is necessary to give the person the opportunity to cry, speak out, and give vent to his feelings. He will feel better. You just need to embrace him and be close.

• You shouldn't use someone who is worse off as an example.

A person who has lost his job and has nothing to support his family does not care at all if children are malnourished somewhere in Africa. Anyone who has recently learned about a dangerous diagnosis is not very interested in cancer mortality statistics. In addition, there is no need to give examples of situations that affect mutual friends.

When trying to support your loved one, do not forget that during this period he is mentally depressed by his own problem. It is necessary to carefully choose the wording so as not to inadvertently offend or touch on a sensitive topic.

Phrases to reassure

Scientists have found that difficult periods in a person’s life go through 4 phases. Soothing words are chosen accordingly.

1. Phase 1 is a state of shock, sometimes dragging on for more than one week. Passivity sets in, often giving way to depression.
2. In the 2nd phase, a person suffers for 1-2 months. At the same time, an anxious and lethargic state appears, as well as aggression towards the offender, and a feeling of one’s own guilt.
3. Phase 3 – lasts 1 year or less. The person analyzes further actions.
4. The 4th phase is called recovery; psychologists call the duration 1-2 years. Emotions fade away, the victim resigns himself and accepts reality.

In addition to the period in which the person who needs reassurance is, the situation that has occurred is also taken into account.

When choosing calming phrases, psychologists advise doing the following:

• offer physical and material assistance;
• show tact;
• do not specify details;
• do not give unsolicited advice;
• avoid value judgments;
• show leniency;
• listen and sometimes just be silent, just hum.

The main thing is that the phrases carry healing power and positive aspects.

For example, you could say this:

• “I regret what happened. How can I help you?".
• “It is difficult to find words that express our pain and sadness. We offer our sincere condolences to your family members!”

If the situation is difficult, but surmountable, it is appropriate to support the person with phrases that will support:

• "Always count on my help."
• “As soon as you need me, I will always help and be there.”
• “We believe you are strong and will try to endure.”
• “Come on, I’ll come now, and we’ll decide what to do.”
• “Dictate what you need, I’ll bring it.”
• “I’m already calling the right people, we’ll find advice or help.”

What is promised must be fulfilled, so one’s own strengths should be assessed realistically. A person who is focused on his own problem is distracted by conversations and questions on extraneous topics.

Sincere support will always find its recipient

• “Lift your nose and open the door to let out the old and let the new into your life. Don’t be discouraged, and soon everything will become clear.”
• “You are a wonderful person and deserve the best moments. We are sure that everything will work out soon.”
• “If you need an attentive and sensitive listener, call whenever you want. I will definitely listen, support and help.”
• “The current troubles are only one chapter of your life, but this is not the end of the story.”
• “I won’t be able to replace you to take away your pain, but we will be able to get through this together, and together we are stronger!”
• “Count on my help in any situation, even though we are far from each other, I am by your side in any case.”
• “Life does not stand still, no matter what, tomorrow will come again. Do not forget about it".

“Time will pass, it will get easier”

Indeed, this is a fact. We won’t even remember the numerous everyday troubles that happened a year or three ago. All problems will become a thing of the past. Sooner or later, someone comes to replace a betrayed comrade or an unhappy love. Money difficulties are also resolved over time. It is possible to find a better job, pay off a loan, cure an illness or alleviate its symptoms. Even sadness from the death of a loved one is easier to bear over time. It is important to survive the period of shock and move on.