How to tell a child about the death of a grandfather: characteristics of the child’s psyche, the right words and advice from a psychologist

September 8, 2018
Child psychology
Natalya Tikhomirova

The death of a loved one is difficult to understand and comprehend even for adults. We are experiencing the loss of our relatives very hard and have been grieving for a long time. Caring parents, trying to protect their children from negative experiences, often hush up the fact that a relative has left and prefer to talk about the fact that he went on vacation to another country. Nevertheless, talking about death is important and necessary. You can read more about how to tell a child about the death of a grandfather or grandmother in this article.

Attitudes towards death in different cultures

The culture and mentality of the country in which we are born has a key influence on how we relate to death. We catch the mood of society and adapt to it. What attitude towards death prevails in different cultures? In some Latin American countries and in India, as well as among Buddhists, it is perceived as a joyful event. At funerals, people celebrate and rejoice that a person’s earthly journey has ended, but very soon it will begin again, in a new incarnation. There is a completely different attitude towards death in other religions: Catholicism, Christianity, Protestantism. Atheists, perhaps, view it with the greatest fear.

Before the revolution in Russia, there was a whole procedure that allowed the dying and their relatives to prepare for death and get used to it, to come to terms with its inevitability. The dying usually finished all their affairs, said goodbye to their family and friends, and ended their earthly journey at home. Children were often brought to their house to listen to parting words. After a person died, the body lay in the hallway for several more days before the funeral. Thanks to these traditions, the younger generation had the opportunity to see that this is an integral part of life and come to terms with it, and parents did not have the question of how to tell their child about the death of a relative.

In our time, there is no “rite of death” as such. Elderly or sick people often die in hospitals, so children are deprived of the opportunity to get used to the natural course of life. They usually grow up believing that their life will last forever, because they never saw it end. Why else would a child talk about death?

Why do people have to die?

Children ask questions about death at the most inopportune moments, and it is difficult to prepare for them. Even if adults have gone over the answers in their heads many times, at that very time they can fall into a stupor and hesitate. Incomprehensible excuses and postponing the conversation “for later” are associated with the personal fears of parents, and this is not surprising: few people want to think about death in their free time and talk about this topic.

Children are simpler; they ask a question and want to hear a specific answer to it. Therefore, it would be inappropriate to invent stories about people falling asleep for a long time or leaving somewhere, because this is not true. Decide for yourself what you believe in and share it with your child.

“Yes, all people die someday. Like all living things on the planet, people have their own life span. We are all born small at first, then we grow, learn, mature, start our own families, give birth to children, and then we no longer grow, but grow old. And when we become completely decrepit old people and it’s even difficult for us to move, we will die. But inside our body lives a soul. This is how we feel love for our loved ones, and the soul never dies. Only the body dies because it is worn out and old.” You may have your own version, the main thing is that you can explain it to your child in understandable words.

This may be enough to avoid returning to this topic for a long time. But then the child may ask why some people die young and not old, as you said. This question is more complicated, and you can say that we all live in a world where there are many dangers, you can get sick or get hit by a car, and no matter how much we would like to live to old age, sometimes disaster happens. But an illness or accident does not necessarily end in death; this rarely happens.

Why talk about death

Nowadays, the fear of death dominates society; people are afraid to talk about it and admit the fact of its presence. Adults do not know how to tell a child about the death of a loved one and put off such conversations as long as possible. But psychologists say that talking about death may not create fears, but relieve them.

Children perceive this phenomenon differently than we do. Often they have a specific picture in their head that is associated with the phenomenon of death, and it frightens them, preventing them from fully developing. Frank and careful conversation can clarify the situation and make children less anxious. No matter how adults try to avoid talking about death, children know about it, and the general silence makes them even more afraid.

If you do not explain and prepare a child for death in time, then in the future he may receive serious psychological trauma. Adults who grew up in an “immortal” society experience the loss of their loved ones extremely hard, because they are confronted with it for the first time.

Very often, adults do not want to discuss death with children not out of concern, but out of selfishness. Some are afraid of it themselves, others are not ready to provide the child with proper support, since they themselves need it. In this case, it is important to face your own fears and cope with them. The decision about whether to talk and how to tell a child about death should be made by the parents themselves. You should not listen to your acquaintances and friends, because they are not part of your family and they will not be responsible for the decision made. Talking with your child about death is also important because this awareness affects the quality of life. Children develop an awareness of responsibility for their actions and decisions.

Good Metaphors to Explain Death

Death is the rule for living beings. Someday there comes a time when life ends and it cannot be undone. This is the rule.
Death is like the final breakdown of a car that has stopped and can no longer be started. She was completely broken.
Living things die and this makes room for new living things. New living beings constantly come to replace the dead.
When the sun sets, the day dies and night comes, and then the sun rises and another day is born.

The main thing I would like to say is: next to death there is always life. Death and life are connected in such a way that it is impossible to separate them (and it is not necessary). Everything is born, lives and dies. This is a necessary cycle that makes our world what it is. There would be no new things if things, people and processes did not end. You will notice this yourself when you start talking about death with your child or even thinking about it with yourself.

After something dark and dead, you always want something bright, active, warm and alive. And this is normal - death and life go hand in hand, and as soon as you can understand this with your heart, it becomes very easy and calm.

How can I explain to you: Finding the right words to talk to children

Ekaterina Sigitova

How children perceive death

The first age at which children begin to realize the finitude of life is four years. At first, children think about the possible loss of their loved ones, and only at 5-7 years old do they think about their own death. Until two years old, it makes no sense to talk about loss, because at this age children are not able to comprehend the very fact of death. During this period, it is best to turn the story of death into a fairy tale that will be more accessible to the child. In general, the attitude towards it depends on the mood of the family in which the child grows up. If the fact of loss is hushed up and hidden in every possible way, then the child will subconsciously consider it something terrible and dangerous, and he will develop a persistent, inescapable fear of death.

At the age of 9-10, children become aware of its presence; they are ready to accept the mortality of others, but do not yet apply it to themselves. They are dominated by the idea that death can be avoided if you are dexterous and smart, and even if it happens, it will not be very soon. And only in adolescence the inevitability of dying becomes obvious. This is why children at this age love to “flirt” with death: wear Gothic symbols and talk about it for a long time.

TO TELL THE TRUTH

If one of the family members has died, then the child should be told the truth. As life shows, all options like “Mom/Dad went on a business trip for six months” or “Grandma has moved to another city for now” can have negative consequences.

Firstly, the child simply will not believe it or will decide that you are not telling what you are saying. Because he sees that something is wrong, that something has happened in the house, for some reason people are crying, the mirrors are curtained, you can’t laugh loudly. Children's imagination is rich, and the fears it creates are quite real for the child. The child will decide that either he himself or someone in the family is in danger of something terrible. Real grief is more understandable and easier than all the horrors that a child can imagine.

Secondly, “kind” uncles and aunts, other children or compassionate grandmothers in the yard will tell the child the truth. And it is still unknown in what form. And then the feeling that his relatives lied to him will be added to his grief.

How to tell a child about the death of a loved one

Every child sensitively captures the mood of the adults who are significant to him. And even without really understanding the meaning of death, he still feels the tense atmosphere around him. Many children tend to take it personally, believing that they somehow hurt their parents. Therefore, it is important to clearly explain to the child what happened as soon as possible.

How to tell a child about the death of a grandfather or grandmother? This must be done directly, without avoiding the very concept of death. It is best to tell the truth, avoiding vague formulations like: “He went on a business trip.” The child will immediately understand that you are hiding something from him, and this secret knowledge can scare him much more. Children's imaginations work differently than ours, and something hidden from them can be more frightening than things that are reasonably explained. In addition, a child may learn about the death of a loved one from strangers - neighbors or friends. And then distrust of the words of loved ones will be added to fear.

Psychologists recommend having a conversation with a child about death in a familiar environment: it is best if this happens at home. In this case, the adult must be extremely calm. Capture your child's attention and establish rapport. If the child is small, take him in your arms or hug him; if he is older, take him by the hand or just sit next to him. Make sure that your baby's attention is directed to you and that extraneous sounds and gadgets do not distract from the conversation. A conversation about death is a serious step, so it must be carried out with full responsibility.

How to tell a child about a person’s death so that he understands? Do not replace the concept itself with the expressions “left”, “flew away”, “left”. Be direct and concise. Remember that if a child wants to clarify something, he will definitely ask his question. This may not happen immediately, but after a few hours or days. Don’t put pressure on your child and give him time to get used to the idea of a loved one leaving.

General terms of conversation

Try to conduct these conversations in close physical contact: hug, stroke, touch, hold your hand, sit on your lap. The younger the child, the more important this point is. In your arms, the child will feel quite “grounded” and there will be less fear.
If you don’t know the answer to a question, just say: “I don’t know.”
Don’t lie or fuss, it’s better to say that you’re not exactly sure how to explain it yet, and you need to think some more.
Like all other conversations, it is also advisable to conduct this one not on the run, but in a calm environment, so that children can ask questions and so that they have time to react.
Like all other conversations, this one can last for months, with interest periodically fading and awakening again.

How to explain the concept of death

Children love to ask thousands of questions to adults - this is how they learn about the world. What should you tell your baby about death? After all, this phenomenon is very difficult for mature individuals to understand. So:

Explain the reasons for what happened. Children feel safer if they know the specific cause of death.
Stick to what you believe in yourself. In religious families, children are taught about the afterlife after death. In families of atheists, attention is concentrated on the physiological side of the issue.
Explain to your child the feelings that accompany loss. After all, they are an integral part of the death of loved ones. If a child knows that it is normal to experience grief, pain and sadness, then in the future it will be much easier for him to bear the loss and express his emotions.
Give examples from the outside world. From the age of three, the child perceives everything he can see. In nature, processes of dying and rebirth are constantly happening around us. For example, leaves fall every fall, but grow again in the spring. They are not the same as the old ones, but have the same shape and composition. After the child realizes this, you can move on to living forms of life. Insects and birds also die if they are overtaken by illness or old age. Fish “fall asleep” if left without water. If a child sees this natural course of things, in the future it will be easier for him to come to terms with the departure of loved ones.

An important factor for a child to understand the fact of death is a close emotional connection with the mother. Only in this case will the baby be able to cope with strong emotions.

Can children attend a funeral?

This is a very difficult question, and each family solves it independently.
It seems to me that the child can be given the opportunity to say goodbye. You probably shouldn’t include it in long procedures with funeral music and sobs. He doesn't need this. And just let them say goodbye to the deceased. In Leo Tolstoy's story “Childhood. Adolescence. Youth" there is an unforgettable scene of Nikolenka's farewell to her mother.

“I stood on a chair to look at her face. I looked and felt that some incomprehensible, irresistible force was drawing my eyes to this lifeless face. I didn’t take my eyes off him, and my imagination painted pictures of me blooming with life and happiness. I forgot that the dead body that lay in front of me, and which I looked at mindlessly, as if it were an object that had nothing to do with my memories, was her... For a while I lost consciousness of my existence and experienced some kind of high, inexplicable... pleasant and sad pleasure. Remembering my impressions now, I find that only this one minute of self-forgetfulness was real grief.

I did not stop crying and was sad, but I am ashamed to remember this sadness, because some kind of prideful feeling was always mixed in with it: either the desire to show that I was saddened most of all, or worries about the effect that I produce on others, or aimless curiosity... I despised myself for not experiencing exclusively one feeling of grief, and tried to hide all the others; this made my sadness insincere and unnatural.”

The important thing is the feeling of saying goodbye. And not just - there was a person and not. Many probably remember the photo that spread all over the world: three-year-old John Kennedy Junior salutes his father’s coffin. This is how the experience of the significance of a person’s life and death is laid down to any full awareness. In other difficult cases: divorce or serious illness, when the child is naturally included in the family’s experiences, it is imperative to talk with him. Don't turn away or hide your emotions. When adults say instead: “I’m just tired,” “I didn’t sleep well,” “everything is fine,” the child’s feeling of anxiety grows. It is impossible to deceive him.

Who better to tell the sad news

Many people are puzzled by the question of how to tell a small child about death. But it is important not only how, but also who will talk about it:

A close person with whom he has established a trusting relationship should talk to the baby. An adult must know the child well and be able to find an approach to him.
In order to tell a child about death, an adult must have the strength to do so. You should not talk to your child when you yourself have not yet realized the fact of the loss and cannot cope with your emotions. You must have enough strength to listen to all the child’s questions and answer them, as well as help the little person cope with his emotions. If you find it difficult to control yourself, take a light sedative - it will dull the sensations and help you communicate calmly.

What to avoid

Drawing analogies with sleep: “fell asleep forever,” “it’s like a dream.” Most children, especially younger ones, do not yet know how to think abstractly; they may think that one can die in a dream or that sleep is death. There may be problems with falling asleep, fear of the dark, fear of being alone, etc. On the contrary, explain to the child how sleep differs from death: in a dream, our body continues to work, the heart continues to beat, blood continues to flow through the vessels, normal body temperature remains and flows absolutely all physiological processes.
Use of stereotypical expressions: “passed away to another world,” “set off on his last journey.” Initially, these expressions are just a way for us not to come into contact with naked emotions regarding death, but children do not yet understand their meaning, so they can interpret them very directly - for example, he went on vacation and died there. They may begin to be afraid to travel somewhere. It is better to use ordinary words - died, death, coffin, funeral, grave.
Lies. Everything is simple here. Don’t teach children something that they are guaranteed to forget later, don’t tell them something that you plan to “re-tell” later with other content when you know how. All temporary and not entirely honest statements to children are in one way or another connected with the anxiety or helplessness of the adults themselves, and not with the need to lie and not with the mental fragility of children. Children are often told that a pet has “gone to the village” instead of being told about its death, as if to protect them from unpleasant experiences. Those who have experienced this can confirm that it only made things worse. So the best option for the child is to adapt the truth and ask for help if this doesn’t work out very well.
Lots of fussy words to fill awkward pauses and hide embarrassment. Yes, children can be sad and unpleasant, and parents instinctively rush to calm them down. But if you always try to protect a child from everything, how will he develop his own defense mechanisms? It is important to give space for this, children are strong enough to cope with discomfort. So, if there are pauses in the conversation, or you find it difficult to answer, or find something uncomfortable, do not rush to throw a blanket of words, just sit together silently. This is such a difficult conversation, it's normal.

Possible reaction of the child

Should a child talk about death? Many people do not start a conversation with their child because they are afraid of a negative reaction to their words. But an acute reaction is extremely rare. Most often, children perceive the news of death more calmly than adults. They are more immersed in the current moment and do not live in the past, like adults, so they take the departure of a loved one as a given, which they are unable to change. Adults, focusing on their feelings, put off a heart-to-heart conversation until the last moment, only scaring the baby.

As a rule, children feel only a feeling of gratitude to those who explained the situation to them and brought them out of the grave feeling of ignorance. The most common reaction that children show when hearing about death is surprise. If a child encounters the concept of death for the first time, much remains incomprehensible to him, and he asks an adult to explain it. Pain and sadness come later, when the child is faced with the absence of a loved one in everyday life.

However, there are also acute reactions to the news of the death of a grandfather or grandmother. This often happens if the deceased was very close to the child. In this case, you may need the help of a child psychologist. This is especially true in cases where the child’s relatives themselves need help and cannot provide him with full support.

Should my child be allowed to participate in mourning and funeral arrangements?

I believe that the worst-case scenario for a child is to be left without parental attention and without explanation. At this difficult moment, a child may need to be in contact with an adequate adult and understand that life does not stop, but continues. To do this, it is advisable to find the strength to take care of the child: feed, caress, put to bed, be sad together, perhaps play a little. It would be great if the child could help in some way in organizing the funeral, according to his age. What else needs to be taken into account during the preparation for the funeral:

Try to share your child's feelings. Don't throw tantrums in front of your child. Do not force them to kiss and approach the deceased if the child does not want to.
There is no need to send the child to relatives during the funeral. This will make him feel on the margins of the family and perhaps find a flaw or flaw in himself that caused his parents to send him away from home. If this happens, explain to your child the reason.
Don't shower your child with gifts. This may prevent him from experiencing the grief of loss. The greatest support for a child may be the warm and sympathetic attitude of loved ones, and not gifts.

What children might ask

What questions might a child ask when learning about the death of a loved one? Children often ask adults about things that baffle them. Most often they are interested in technical details. Where does the body go after death? Whether he will be buried or not, whether a loved one will be able to come to the holiday - all this is by no means an idle interest. So the child tries to integrate the concept of death into his picture of life, to determine its place. Answering the baby's questions:

Tell the truth. The child will still recognize her from family or friends, but trust in you will be lost.
Don't be angry or indignant. Children are interested in details about death that would never occur to us.
Correlate the answer with the child's age. The concept of death is not accessible to children under three years of age, but older children usually understand everything well. But you still shouldn’t talk to a child in the same way as to an adult. Tell the truth, but temper your answers with respect for your child's age.
Don't be scared under any circumstances. The fear of death in people is already too strong, and if you frighten your baby with death, this feeling will haunt him all his life.
Consider your child's characteristics. How to tell a child about the death of a grandparent if he is overly sensitive? Choose your words carefully and avoid excessive detail.

If a pet dies

Children become very attached to pets that grow up with them. Therefore, the death of a beloved dog, cat or even a hamster is the loss of a childhood friend. If the family's furry pet has died, there is no need to hide it from the child or say that he went for a walk and did not return. When an animal runs away, there is always hope that it will return home. The baby will look for him with his eyes, listen to every rustle and wait in vain for the pet.

If you value the memory of an animal that was part of the family, you should never simply get rid of it. Show your animal off with dignity. You can call a special service, a person will come to you and take the body. In some cities there are organizations that take animals for cremation, and owners can post a photo and a few kind words about the pet in an electronic cemetery. In this case, leave a note with your child, let him express his feelings - how he will miss him, how he will miss the affection of his pet. Let him understand that mourning the dead, even animals, and yearning for them is absolutely normal, there is no need to be ashamed of these tears.

You can bury the animal yourself. Perform the ritual with your child, let him say goodbye to the pet, and help bury the grave with earth. You can put a bouquet of wildflowers on the mound. Funerals provide an opportunity to recognize the transition of a being from one state to another. Here the beloved pet was part of the family and was nearby, and now the house was empty. He remained there, in the ground, and this cannot be changed in any way.

The child's right to grief

Many people understand how to tell a child about the death of a grandfather or other relative, but they are not prepared for the response. However, a child often experiences exactly the same feelings as adults. They need to be treated with respect and, whenever possible, support the baby.

In his grief, the child goes through the same stages: shock, denial, anger, resentment, despair, acceptance. But they can be expressed somewhat differently. In particular, after the news of the death of a relative in games, children often “bury” someone. A child's drawings may become depressing and may also have a theme of death. These phenomena are considered normal if little time has passed since the loss. But if a child is too preoccupied with the topic of death and reproduces it in his games over and over again, then it is worth contacting a child psychologist for family consultation.

Sometimes children begin to speak badly about the deceased and become offended by him. This is a natural reaction that adults go through too. The kid sees the injustice of what happened and does not understand why this happened to his loved one. Parents can help the child overcome this stage if they explain to the child that this is no one’s fault, and the deceased did not want to leave him at all. The following symptoms may indicate that grief is not going well:

The baby has become too obedient, he stays close to you all the time.
The child has become too aggressive, constantly asking for conflict and receiving minor injuries.
Symptoms of neurosis appear: the child engages in self-aggression, thumb sucking, and wets the bed.

If you notice one or more warning signs, it may be best to consult a professional.

FIRST DAYS AFTER THE LOSS

After you have said the main thing, just silently stay next to him.

Give your child time to absorb what he hears and respond.
In the future, act in accordance with the child’s reaction. If the child responded to the message with questions, then answer them directly and sincerely, no matter how strange or inappropriate these questions may seem to you. If your child cries, hug him or hold his hand. If your child runs away, do not go after him right away. See what he is doing after a short time, 20-30 minutes.
Whatever he does, try to determine whether he wants you there. Sometimes people have the right to grieve alone, even very young ones. But this should be checked. If your child sits down to play or draw, slowly join in and play or draw with him. Don’t offer anything, play, act according to his rules, the way he needs. If he cries, try hugging and comforting him. If he pushes you away, say “I’m here” and sit next to him without saying or doing anything. Then slowly start a conversation. Say sympathetic words. Tell us about what will happen in the near future - today and in the coming days. If the child wants to be alone, asks you to leave the room or moves away from you, let him be.

The theme of death may appear in his games (for example, he will bury toys), in drawings

Do not change your usual daily routine on this day or at first.

Don't try to do anything exceptional for your child, such as giving him chocolate that is usually forbidden to him, or preparing something that the family usually eats during the holidays. Let the food be ordinary and also something that the child will eat. Neither you nor he have the strength to argue about “tasteless, but healthy” that day.

Before going to bed, sit with him a little longer or, if necessary, until he falls asleep. Allow him to leave the light on if he is afraid. If your child is scared and asks to come to your bed, you can take him with you on the first night, but don’t offer it yourself and try not to make it a habit: it’s better to sit next to him until he falls asleep. Tell him what life will be like next: what will happen tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, in a week, in a month. Fame is calming

. Make plans and carry them out.

Participation in a funeral

Many adults ask psychologists about whether it is worth taking children to the funeral of relatives. This decision should be made only by the child’s parents. Some believe that funerals are not a place for children, while others, on the contrary, are in favor. How comfortable a child will feel in a cemetery depends on many factors:

Environment. Before the funeral, make sure that only those people who will not lament and cry over the child, feeling sorry for him, will gather at them.
The atmosphere at farewell to the deceased should not be overly emotionally charged. Someone's hysteria can greatly frighten a child.
Accompanying. There must be an adult next to the child, ready to console and explain what is happening around.
The desire of the child himself. Before you take him to the funeral, ask him for his opinion. Before this, talk about how the ceremony is going and what will happen at the cemetery.

If you decide not to take your child with you, tell him where you are going and when you will return. It is better if someone familiar remains with the baby during this time. The memories of adults about the wakes they were taken to at a younger age are extremely negative. Many people say that after such events they were haunted by the fear of death for a very long time. But there are children who are interested in everything that is happening, and they want to go with the adults to the funeral. In each family this issue is resolved individually.

How not to alarm your child

I am not sure that it is possible to talk about death in a way that does not alarm the child at all, and that this should be the goal. This is such a disturbing topic. Children really want their parents and those they care about to always be close, and any encounter with loss - even in the form of a discussion of the theoretical options and essence of death - is very sensitive for them. In the end, we, adults, are very worried about death, so why do we think that it will be any different with children, who are less mature and mentally weaker?

Your task is not to completely protect children from anxiety or fear, but, on the contrary, to recognize emotions and help them experience them in the least traumatic and most natural way.

As for the actual content of conversations and your behavior, Benjamin Spock wrote that any specific impression received by a child depends to a large extent on the attitude of the parents themselves to the subject. And it is true. Children feel the emotional background of significant adults long before they can understand anything on a rational level. Therefore, there is no need to do or say anything that contradicts your personal picture of the world and your personal ideas about the essence of things.

In fact, this means this: if it works, don’t touch it. If you feel bad next to a dead body, you shouldn’t take your child to the funeral just because a smart guy on the Internet wrote: “children should be given the opportunity to say goodbye.” If, on the contrary, you are calm about any physiology, including post-mortem, you should not specifically protect your child from this spectacle, worrying whether he will be injured (with the exception of a damaged body). And so on. Trust yourself.

The psychological mechanism here is very simple: it is important for the child to feel that the parent is confident and has his own point of view. If a parent, guided by good intentions, gets confused or behaves atypically, which makes him feel bad, the child perceives this “bad thing” first of all, and comes into contact with it first, and reacts first of all to it. The greater your heroic horror or rejection, the stronger the reaction. In this case, things may not reach the goals for which everything was started.

Results

How to tell a three-year-old child about the death of a grandparent? Be patient, honest and ready to answer all questions. Death is a natural course of life, it surrounds us and is visible in every natural process. After realizing the loss, a child may experience completely different feelings: anger, resentment, sadness, loneliness. The adult’s task is to support and help him survive this experience. In this case, he will form a correct idea of death, which will allow him to more easily cope with losses in the future.

MAIN MESSAGE: LIFE CONTINUES

Everything you say and do should carry one core message: “Trouble has happened. It's scary, painful, bad. And yet life goes on and everything will get better.”

Re-read this phrase again and say it to yourself, even if the deceased is so dear to you that you refuse to believe in life without him.

If you are reading this, you are a person who is not indifferent to children’s grief. You have someone to support and something to live for. And you also have the right to your acute grief, you have the right to support, to medical and psychological help. No one has ever died from grief itself, as such: any grief, even the most terrible, passes sooner or later, this is inherent in us by nature. But it happens that grief seems unbearable and life is given with great difficulty. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.

Children's understanding of mortality

Depending on their age, children understand the meaning of death differently:

Until the age of 3, children do not understand the meaning of the word “death.” They are not upset if someone close to them leaves this world forever. But they are conveyed the emotional state of the mother or father, their despair, anger and despondency.
By the age of 5, most children develop an understanding of this phenomenon. But they do not yet perceive death as something irreversible. They remember that in fairy tales the heroes could come to life, not die, but fall asleep for a long time.
At primary school age (6-11 years), the child already understands that death is an irreversible phenomenon. He begins to worry that the people closest to him may leave him and he will never see them again. Also, children at this age have a strong opinion that all the dead go to heaven.
Children over 11 years of age perceive death as an inevitable phenomenon and clearly understand that everyone they know will die someday. The only thing teenagers cannot come to terms with is their own vulnerability. Life at this age seems endless.