Psychology of a child 8 and 9 years old: raising a girl, a boy and their characteristics

When a child begins to go to the second or third grade, parents usually calm down a little, remembering with a shudder (not all, of course) the beginning of his studies at school. But even though your child has adapted to the new conditions, regime and team, it is still too early to relax.

Both school life and the learning process itself involve many difficulties throughout its entire duration. And the new age stage has features that are important for adults to take into account. You need to figure out what the upbringing of children at 8-9 years old should be like.

What distinguishes the psychology of children of this age

All parents notice: in grades 2–3, after the “seven-year-old crisis,” children’s psychology changes noticeably; a 9-year-old child becomes independent, learns to reason, and defend his own opinion. The following features of the psychology of 8–9 year olds are observed:

The child begins to recognize himself as an individual and form a point of view on issues that interest him. A more balanced idea of the future profession appears.
A critical attitude towards the actions of others, loved ones, and parents appears. Reasons for thinking are information received from teachers, friends, and the media - the student begins to compare the “norm” he knows with actual information. If he discovers a discrepancy between words and deeds, he begins to doubt the statements of adults and draw his own conclusions.
The desire to spend more time with parents weakens, the desire to spend time with friends appears, and the need to communicate with peers appears.
The need for praise from adults remains, but abstract praise loses value compared to a concrete positive assessment of actions and abilities: it becomes important for the child to understand the reason for the praise.
Hobbies appear, attitudes towards extracurricular sports and creativity are formed.
Despite successful adaptation to school, children get tired of schoolwork. The ability to concentrate on one activity for a long time cannot yet be formed; alternation of home lessons, rest, and other activities is necessary.
Basic rules of behavior in public places and norms of politeness are formed. The child knows how to behave and is able to control his behavior.

The task of parents is not to lose control

On the other hand, in such circumstances the crisis of 8 years is complicated, and one must remember its main dangers - losing the emotional connection with the child, losing parental influence. Children begin to feel like adults and independent, and begin to neglect the authority of parents and teachers.

To prevent the disastrous consequences of the crisis, follow some rules when communicating with your grown-up child.

There is no need to limit him in his choice, emphasizing that he is small and therefore cannot decide on his own. This is wrong! The time has passed when he was like that. Now the child is able to solve many issues that directly concern him.

Excessive parental interference in the choice process will lead to disastrous consequences in the future: it will cause complexes and difficulties in establishing willpower. If he is insistently told to do this or that, he will grow up to be a “mama’s” (or “daddy’s”) boy who will not be able to even understand what to wear and how to do his homework.

But you shouldn’t leave everything to chance. If your baby wants to do things on his own, let him do it. If he asks for help, then do not neglect the request. You shouldn’t force him to do things, let him do it on his own initiative.
During this period of time, the child needs a friend with whom he can share his experiences. And it’s best if this friend becomes one of the parents or a close relative.

How to become his friend? Spend more time with him, participate in his life, listen to his problems. Conversations are important for any child, regardless of whether he or she is experiencing a crisis. Through conversations, parents form values in life.

For the correct formation of personality, you need to talk to the child without babying, which was the case at 5 years old. There is no need to get annoyed when he asks something stupid. Yes, it’s hard to listen to children’s “problems” after a day of work, but without this, the child will withdraw into himself. Be sure to ask about his new friends, what happened at school and what difficulties he has.

Gender gradation

By the age of 8, children begin to realize the differences between the sexes: they note external differences, differences in behavior, family responsibilities, and social roles. Various behavioral tendencies begin to clearly form:

Girls aged 8 years have a characteristic psychology: they are more obedient, assiduous, responsive, restrained, but more open emotionally. More attention begins to be paid to appearance - hairstyle, clothes, jewelry. There is an interest in the things and accessories of the mother and older sister. The first signs of maternal instinct begin to appear - caring for animals, attentiveness to younger ones, the ability to bear responsibility. Interests are often realized in creativity - dancing, music, art classes, handicrafts.
Boys 8–9 years old have a different psychology of age: emotionally closed, but impulsive. They are physically active, mobile, and show less ability than girls to diligently do one thing for a long time. Interests develop in the direction of sports, active recreation, outdoor games, and activities. To ensure that the abundant energy is spent harmoniously, boys benefit from sports and rhythmic dancing. If there is interest, students in grades 2–3 successfully realize their abilities and desire for new knowledge.

There is an important difference in the approach to rewards when raising boys and girls. A girl should be praised “just like that,” “because she is loved,” and a boy should be praised for specific abilities and achievements.

Age difficulties

The crisis does not have a clear link to age; it is associated with the moment of starting school and ranges from six to eight years. It is not so much the objective changes in the child’s life that influences, but rather the subjective attitude to the current situation.

Main features:

Restructuring the perception of your place in relationships.
The birth of one’s own self. An understanding of one’s place in the world of relationships begins. There is a revaluation of values. Past hobbies and motivations fade, new ones take their place.
Change of emotional life. Previously, emotions were short-lived and not particularly remembered; criticism did not cause much distress and did not affect self-esteem. Now everything has changed, the immunity to criticism has weakened.
Generalization of one’s own experiences, leading to the emergence of a logical explanation of feelings. Experiences seem difficult, complex, and carry deep meaning, which leads to the emergence of an inner life. She will lead the action.
Analysis of the situation before action, reasoning. The likelihood of achieving a positive result is weighed.
Loss of childish naivety and openness.
Learning the ability to hide painful feelings, disguising them under a mask of indifference. Despite the desire to show their emotions to others, or to follow fleeting whims, the outer shell of the child differs from the inner experiences. A clear manifestation of this division is the artificiality of emotions and mannerisms of behavior. They will pass after entering a new age period.

Upbringing

There are a number of recommendations that will help in raising a student:

Monitor homework completion. Give the opportunity to do the tasks yourself, but check the results. If a child needs help, be sure to provide it. Be patient, choose your approach carefully: invite the child to re-read the incomprehensible task, double-check the answer, explain (using an example, graph, diagram) the incomprehensible point. It is important to provide assistance, but not to perform the task instead of the child - so that in the process he learns to understand and successfully complete the tasks. Sometimes it is necessary to coordinate the algorithm of behavior with the teacher, since the child must understand the material according to the school curriculum.
Help your child understand the emotional world. Pay attention to your mood, name your emotions out loud: “You’re sad,” “You’re angry,” “It makes you happy,” “You’re passionate.” Keep your child interested when he shows attention to emotions. The child is surrounded by living people, your task is to teach him to adequately relate to feelings.
Time in front of a TV, computer or mobile device should be controlled both in terms of the amount of time allocated and the information content of what enters the child’s mind. It is better to avoid strict prohibitions, trying to attract interest in other ways to spend time. Form your child’s attitude towards virtual entertainment by teaching him to correctly determine the degree of their value. This can be achieved through reasonable explanations coupled with alternative activities.
Be attentive to the child’s emotional attitude towards school: in what mood does he go there, whether he is happy or not about the end of the holidays, whether he is interested, whether contact with classmates and the teacher is good.
Involve your baby in household chores. There is no need to put pressure and demand: it is more correct to involve in help, joint activities, and gradually introduce into the habit the tasks that you wanted to assign to the baby’s responsibilities (cleaning things and the room, regularly maintaining order in the school bag, participating in cooking, replanting indoor plants, caring for a pet or home repairs).
Make sure that the student’s routine includes time for rest, walks, and favorite activities. If your child is absent-minded and takes a long time to do his homework, “compact” the time by teaching him not to be distracted.
The most important task is to preserve children's respect for mother and father. Maintain a balance - while giving your child more independence, you cannot distance yourself from his life. You cannot impose your will, instill fear, threaten, forcefully demand that the child obey using authoritarian methods (“Because I said!”, “Don’t you dare object!”). The child is already analyzing what is happening, and such arguments can provoke aggression, internal disagreement, and worsening of the child’s behavior at this age or later, when his protest against forceful methods reaches a critical mass. If it is possible to suppress the child's will, this leads to the development of a lack of initiative and insecurity, unable to achieve anything in life.
Learn to build relationships in an atmosphere of mutual trust. Give your child the opportunity to handle important tasks independently. Allow yourself to choose your friends and interests.
A necessary component of education during this period is mutual respect. You cannot dispose of his toys, things, or neglect his interests and abilities without permission. It is necessary to create conditions for the development of healthy self-esteem, confidence that he is respected as an individual.

“Stable” bad behavior

So, if our child is, as they say, initially deaf, then this is a question of everything, just not age. If an awl stuck in one place on our urchin haunted us, even when he was two years old and he was hitting kids with a shovel on the playground, pushing girls aside on the slide, fighting with a neighbor’s boy, if at four years old the child was throwing tantrums in stores and rolled on the floor in front of the amazed customers, if at the age of five, in a quiet hour, he managed to put the entire kindergarten group on their ears, and in the first grade, not only his classmates, but also the school principal moaned about a young rebel, a bandit, and a scoundrel, then why be surprised? now that he's nine?

The child is “stable”, true to himself, his disobedience only increases with age, and the reason for this can be anything: health problems - both physical and mental, temperamental characteristics, mistakes in upbringing... If our “boiling point” is designated precisely for his nine years old, then, even if it’s a little late, you need to go to a psychologist. Or maybe see a psychiatrist. Or maybe see a neurologist. And dig together, maybe change methods of education, maybe find the underlying, original reasons. Finding them on your own is usually difficult for a non-specialist.

Sexual development

Sometimes signs of puberty appear at an early age (usually in girls). It's time to have the first conversations about anatomical features and age-related development of the body. It is important to explain: the upcoming changes happen to everyone and are absolutely normal.

It’s also time to think about the topic of sex education - it’s worth talking about general points in a clear, interesting, but not shocking way for the child, explaining the necessary issues without unnecessary details. It is worth talking about conception as a natural process. It is optimal for the mother to conduct conversations about sexual development with the girl, and the father with the boy.

Interest in representatives of the other sex manifests itself at different ages. With growing observation and the ability to analyze what is happening, children pay more attention to the behavior of adults of the opposite sex (family members, friends, actors - movie characters), and highlight details that interest them. Later, children switch their attention to their peers, demonstrating the “norms” they have learned from adults for communicating their gender with members of the opposite sex.

Features 8 years

A child at 8 years old, his psychology is a rather delicate object of study. This is not yet a transitional age, but you should already be especially attentive to changes in the child’s behavior . He no longer asks as many questions as before, becomes more thoughtful, but remains as restless as before.

Every day he expands his horizons more and more, makes new friends, and finds himself in funny situations. He had already gotten used to the school routine, to the teacher, and had settled into the classroom. Sometimes a boy of this age often resolves conflicts by fighting, but not out of malice. He simply doesn't have the patience to prove he's right. Hot temper at this age is quite natural.
While the boys prove their point, the eight-year-old girl gradually begins to turn into a small woman. She loves to walk past the mirror, studying her facial features. In addition, she is interested in her mother’s cosmetics, outfits, and high-heeled shoes. The girl dreams of growing up quickly and becoming like her mother.
Children of this age love to learn; they want to be first in class. Therefore, they are very offended when the teacher asks something other than them. They read a lot, talk a lot. Studying is interesting for such children. They often sit over notebooks.
The child is active and cheerful. He is interested in all adult activities. Therefore, he can often be seen both with mom in the kitchen and with dad in the garage. He spends a lot of time with his peers. He loves to assert himself at the expense of his parents (“but my dad...”, “but my mother...”).
Eight-year-old children are very aware of the responsibility of the tasks assigned to them. Even if a mother asks her daughter to simply tidy up the room, she will take on this important task with all her characteristic efficiency. Unlike boys, girls have more attention and patience.

Read more: What to do with a 1-year-old child

Knowledge and skills

When considering the knowledge and skills of primary school students, you need to remember that children develop at their own rhythm - some speed things up, others catch up with their peers a little later, but more thoroughly. Therefore, the description given below is conditional.

Ability to control behavior and cope with basic responsibilities: complete homework, collect school supplies, make the bed, perform daily hygiene procedures.
Understanding the difference between “good” and “bad”, knowledge of the rules of behavior in society, norms of politeness.
The ability to navigate in space (going to the store, school) and in time (watch the clock, fit into the allotted time interval);
Ability to concentrate on one task for long periods of time.
Writing, reading, oral and written numeracy skills.
The ability to memorize poetry, retell stories and fairy tales.
Memorization and ability to reproduce complex images.
The ability to form and defend a point of view.
First skills in learning simple devices.

Memory properties

It is typical for memory to develop spontaneously and consciously. Children easily learn the school curriculum, which is of interest, designed in the form of a game, associated with colorful visual pictures or images. The development of mechanical memory, which children use to memorize texts, is noticeable, replacing the process of understanding and mastering school material. If in elementary school the volumes of information are small, and mechanical memory is able to cope with them, then in middle school it will not be enough. This will lead to significant difficulties as the curriculum becomes longer and more complex. Therefore, it would be correct to improve semantic memory. It will allow you to learn how to use a huge number of memorization techniques. And mental activity will become inextricably linked with semantic memory.

Recommendations for development:

memorizing poetry;
reading and retelling what was read and heard;
listing the items shown in the picture;
teaching dancing and other movement games.

Schedule

Considering the current stress on primary school students, the daily routine must include rest.

School assignments usually take 3–5 hours, after which you need rest, play, or a walk. The break between school and home lessons should be 2–3 hours.

Ideally, a schoolchild should have five meals a day: breakfast, school lunch, snack at home, dinner, light food before going to bed.

Sleep should be 10-11 hours, so it is not advisable for the child to go to bed later than 21:30. If the child continues to need to sleep during the day, it cannot be prevented.

Evening hours are spent in clubs, sections, and creative studios. The main thing is that the child is interested in attending classes. You need to set aside 1-2 hours for outdoor games and walks. Playing virtual games and watching TV - maximum 1 hour a day.

What can you do to get a student interested?

Depending on the child’s personal characteristics, you can play games together to develop memory, concentration, attentiveness, observation, and logic. Role-playing games with images of characters from your favorite books, films and cartoons are useful. There are many exciting board games designed for this age.

As for toys, in addition to traditional dolls and cars, items and materials for creativity are relevant: construction sets, puzzles, puzzles, plasticine, clay.